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Not sure if many people have seen this, or if its been posted around here before, but I found a very amusing tumblr post that specifically addresses the woes of the Chrom x Olivia users.

Here's the original post: http://hckleinman.tumblr.com/post/45116782437/from-wifey-fire-emblem-awakening-chrom-gets-no-love

Have a laugh. I sure did! ^_^

My wife was writing this piece for her own private amusement, but I found it so hilarious, that I asked her to let me share it here. Thankfully, she agreed.

I have spent the past six hours cock-blocking a little pixel man.

It’s really nothing personal. It’s just that I want Chrom (the blue haired protagonist of Fire Emblem: Awakening and the hero who I have been cock-blocking) to marry Olivia. Olivia is a dancer with chronically low self esteem, pink hair, and the ability to give his daughter arguably the best stat growth she can inherit from any of her mothers. Unfortunately, Olivia isn’t introduced until the fight right before the game forces Chrom to marry somebody. Chrom has four (or five, if your Avatar unit is female) characters he can marry. He’ll marry the one he has the highest support with…unless you’ve already married them off to someone else. Or killed them.

So. If you want Chrom to marry Olivia, you need to keep him from getting support points with his other potential wives, married them off, or sacrificed them on the altar of Chrom x Olivia. Because of how the support mechanic works, this has proven more challenging than I expected. The game wants your characters to build support. Bonds between people, blah blah blah—it’s a major theme of the game. But I don’t want Chrom to support any of the girls he can marry—at least not until he’s safely married off to Olivia. And I don’t really want to kill the other girls, because I need them for their baby-making abilities.

I can’t believe I just wrote that.

As a result, I’ve inverted our merry band from an army into a combination dating/enforced bachelorhood service. My little teal-haired Avatar unit is supposed to be the brilliant tactical mastermind who leads our happy army of goodness and light to victory. Instead, he’s spending all his time managing who has access to Chrom and sentencing any female who dares to flutter her lashes at him off to an arranged marriage. Surely people must notice this. In fact, I think there should be special support conversations reflecting this.

I think they’d go rather like this:

VERY MINOR SPOILERS BELOW

Robin: “Sumia, I’m not pleased with that stunt you pulled at the Longfort.”

Sumia: “What stunt? I showed up, saved Chrom, you glared at me, and then made me stay behind and guard that empty suit of armor we keep dragging around.”

Robin: “Kellum, Sumia. That was Kellum, and he was guarding you, because you’d probably keel over if an enemy cook brandish his ladle at you with sufficient vigor and unfortunately I need you for my breeding program.”

Sumia: “Wait. You need me for what?”

Robin: “Nevermind. The point is I can’t have you swooping down and protecting Chrom every time some dingbat with a bow decides to try and give him a third eye.”

Sumia: “So you’re telling me: if I can swoop in and save Chrom, don’t?”

Robin: “Exactly!”

Sumia: “I’m really confused.”

Robin: “Oh, and your partner is now Gaius. You might want to go say hi.”

Sumia: “Who?…”

Robin: “The thief. He has fetching ginger hair. He uses lollipop sticks as lock picks. He works for candy.”

Sumia: “Candy?…”

Robin: “Yes. You are now going to fly him around. All the time. Or, well, at least until he develops Stockholm syndrome over constantly being threatened by your clumsiness and non-existent defense stat. Then maybe you can fly someone else around sometimes. Except not Chrom. Never Chrom. Or else the next time I see a unit of archers…”

Sumia: Gulp. “Yes. Okay. New orders are: flying the thief around, staying far, far away from Chrom. Got it.”

Robin: “I’m so glad we had this little talk.”

Robin: “I don’t think your obsession with Chrom is healthy. Every time I go into the barracks I see you laughing and having tea with him. It has to stop.”

Maribelle: “But we’re childhood friends. What could be more natural that childhood friends having tea after a long day’s battle?”

Robin: “What if somebody slips poison into your tea, ever consider that? What if it’s a slow acting poison. You could be killing Chrom a tiny bit at a time every time you wave those absurd little teacups at him and bat your eyes at him. I thought you were friends. What kind of friend would risk slow-poisoning her dear childhood friend just because she has an absurd little crush on him?”

Maribelle: “What a ridiculous notion! I think you’re just jealous. I’ve noticed how you keep him all to yourself and keep sending all the girls away from him.”

Robin: “That’s unfair. I let him fight with Miriel, and Lissa, and Cordelia.”

Maribelle: “Pish-posh. Chrom’s terrified of Miriel. Lissa is his sister. He’s barely aware Cordelia is alive, poor girl.”

Robin: “…Be that as it may, they’re girls and I let him spend time with them, don’t I? I even let Cordelia fly him around and everything. I don’t let Sumia do that.”

Maribelle: “It’s not the same.”

Robin: “Maribelle, you really need to spend more time with men who aren’t Chrom. So you’re going to start having tea with Lon’Qu now instead.”

Maribelle: “Surely you jest! The last time I tried to talk to Lon’Qu he yelled ‘back, woman’ and ran straight into that pit trap Donnel was showing you how to dig. And when I had to patch him up after that unfortunate run-in with a wyvern rider, he actually fainted.”

Robin: “And you’re the womanlyist woman I know. It’ll be immersion therapy. Miriel told me all about it. She already tried it with him. It…uh…didn’t work out so well. I’m thinking a lady of your fine breeding with have a more delicate touch.”

Maribelle: “He won’t do it.”

Robin: “He will if I make Chrom order him to. He’s incapable of refusing orders.”

Maribelle: “And if I refuse?”

Robin: “Well, it just so happens that I have a little piece of paper right here. And, well, it might just find itself pinned to Chrom’s tent door.”

Maribelle: “Let me see that….oh. Oh, dear. Where did you get this?”

Robin: “Ah ah ah. That would be telling. Are you going to have tea with Lon’Qu or does Chrom need to find out about that little incident with the other Feroxi sellsword and…”

Maribelle: “No, no, that’s quite unnecessary. Ahem. Yes. Tea. I’m sure that Lon’Qu will appreciate tea. It’s very…bracing, and, uh soothing. Yes. Yes, quite.”

Robin: “That’s the spirit.”

Robin: “We can be honest with each other, can’t we, Sully? We’ve bonded over fiber-rich seaweed and bowel movements. I mean, after that, can’t we really talk about anything?”

Sully: “Damn right.”

Robin: “So, the reason I can’t let you, ah, stoke the home fires with Chrom anymore is because I have a complicated plan for maximizing the utility of all our offspring and, well, that plan will sort of be busted if you and Chrom spend too much more time palling around.”

Sully: “Did you maybe have heat stroke when Chrom found you in that field?”

Robin: “This isn’t about me, Sully. It’s about you and your future progeny. Don’t you want a very strong daughter? You don’t want a fainting pansy girl, do you?”

Sully: “Of course I want a strong daughter.”

Robin: “Wonderful! I thought so. Okay. I think you need to start spending a lot more time with Donnel. You’re going to let him ride around on your horse and stab things with that giant tree branch he keeps dragging around because every time I hand him a spear he sticks himself with it. You will do this until he doesn’t suck anymore and he’s won you over with his naive charm and his ‘Larry the Cable Guy’ impression.”

Sully: “The farm boy?”

Robin: “Yes, the farm boy.”

Sully: “…You’re kidding with me, right?”

Robin: “Deadly serious.”

Sully: “I refuse.”

Robin: “Well, then I’ll have to assign you to escort Ricken around instead until his constant whining about his height and his inferiority complex start to grow on you.”

Sully: “But he’s twelve!!!!”

Robin: “I think he’s more like fourteen, but whatever. He’s not the best match for you but frankly I’m running out of both time and options. You’ve already made goo-goo eyes at Chrom too often for my comfort level. I have devised this rating scale of attachment, see? And you and Chrom are already at ‘B’ because you keep finding ways to end up fighting next to him even though I try really hard to keep you on the other side of the field. That’s not okay. I need you hitched to someone else, pronto. And if you won’t take Donnel, than the only option I have left is Ricken.”

Sully: “I am NOT committing acts of pedophilia for the sake of your warped eugenics program!”

Robin: “It’s either Ricken or Donnel, Sully. I mean, Donnel at least looks like he’s sixteen or seventeen. He might even be eighteen, and just, y’know, gangly. And he has that fetching hat.”

Sully: “It’s a pot, Robin. A pot. I keep trying to give him a real helmet and he keeps clutching it and sobbing that it’s all he has left of his dear Pa what got stabbed by bandits.”

Robin: “You see, he has a sensitive side! And…uh…a lyrical country dialect! And he looks good in blue.”

Sully: “Chrom looks better in blue.”

Robin: “No Chrom for you. It’s Donnel or Ricken, Sully. Those are your options. I already had to threaten Sumia with archers. I was really hoping to avoid having to point out that your spell resistance is a joke and we fight a lot of mages.”

Sully: “Right then. Uh, I’m just going to go…train…Donnel. Ugh.”

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I had to hold back the fact I know that you can have Chrom fight with any females you like as long as you never read a support conversation with them, but other than it's good.

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The only thing I have to say is that, well, Donnel's actually younger than Lissa, so he's probably like 13-14.

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...It's not THAT difficult to marry Chrom to Olivia. I did it easily on my first attempt. I married off Maribelle to Gaius, married my Avatar to Frederick, and I didn't use Sumia at all. Chrom did gain enough support points with Sully to get a C support, but I was able to have him gain enough with Olivia too and he married her.

But those made-up conversations are funny lol.

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That was gold.

*Two thumbs up*

Welcome to the world of "the game design was stupid with that pairing".

Not to mention the addressed "confession" scene in the localization, but I digress.

Her "theater" building supports with MU COMPLETELY contradict a marriage with Chrom.

Edited by shadowofchaos

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Not sure if many people have seen this, or if its been posted around here before, but I found a very amusing tumblr post that specifically addresses the woes of the Chrom x Olivia users.

Here's the original post: http://hckleinman.tumblr.com/post/45116782437/from-wifey-fire-emblem-awakening-chrom-gets-no-love

Have a laugh. I sure did! ^_^

My wife was writing this piece for her own private amusement, but I found it so hilarious, that I asked her to let me share it here. Thankfully, she agreed.

I have spent the past six hours cock-blocking a little pixel man.

It’s really nothing personal. It’s just that I want Chrom (the blue haired protagonist of Fire Emblem: Awakening and the hero who I have been cock-blocking) to marry Olivia. Olivia is a dancer with chronically low self esteem, pink hair, and the ability to give his daughter arguably the best stat growth she can inherit from any of her mothers. Unfortunately, Olivia isn’t introduced until the fight right before the game forces Chrom to marry somebody. Chrom has four (or five, if your Avatar unit is female) characters he can marry. He’ll marry the one he has the highest support with…unless you’ve already married them off to someone else. Or killed them.

So. If you want Chrom to marry Olivia, you need to keep him from getting support points with his other potential wives, married them off, or sacrificed them on the altar of Chrom x Olivia. Because of how the support mechanic works, this has proven more challenging than I expected. The game wants your characters to build support. Bonds between people, blah blah blah—it’s a major theme of the game. But I don’t want Chrom to support any of the girls he can marry—at least not until he’s safely married off to Olivia. And I don’t really want to kill the other girls, because I need them for their baby-making abilities.

I can’t believe I just wrote that.

As a result, I’ve inverted our merry band from an army into a combination dating/enforced bachelorhood service. My little teal-haired Avatar unit is supposed to be the brilliant tactical mastermind who leads our happy army of goodness and light to victory. Instead, he’s spending all his time managing who has access to Chrom and sentencing any female who dares to flutter her lashes at him off to an arranged marriage. Surely people must notice this. In fact, I think there should be special support conversations reflecting this.

I think they’d go rather like this:

VERY MINOR SPOILERS BELOW

Robin: “Sumia, I’m not pleased with that stunt you pulled at the Longfort.”

Sumia: “What stunt? I showed up, saved Chrom, you glared at me, and then made me stay behind and guard that empty suit of armor we keep dragging around.”

Robin: “Kellum, Sumia. That was Kellum, and he was guarding you, because you’d probably keel over if an enemy cook brandish his ladle at you with sufficient vigor and unfortunately I need you for my breeding program.”

Sumia: “Wait. You need me for what?”

Robin: “Nevermind. The point is I can’t have you swooping down and protecting Chrom every time some dingbat with a bow decides to try and give him a third eye.”

Sumia: “So you’re telling me: if I can swoop in and save Chrom, don’t?”

Robin: “Exactly!”

Sumia: “I’m really confused.”

Robin: “Oh, and your partner is now Gaius. You might want to go say hi.”

Sumia: “Who?…”

Robin: “The thief. He has fetching ginger hair. He uses lollipop sticks as lock picks. He works for candy.”

Sumia: “Candy?…”

Robin: “Yes. You are now going to fly him around. All the time. Or, well, at least until he develops Stockholm syndrome over constantly being threatened by your clumsiness and non-existent defense stat. Then maybe you can fly someone else around sometimes. Except not Chrom. Never Chrom. Or else the next time I see a unit of archers…”

Sumia: Gulp. “Yes. Okay. New orders are: flying the thief around, staying far, far away from Chrom. Got it.”

Robin: “I’m so glad we had this little talk.”

Robin: “I don’t think your obsession with Chrom is healthy. Every time I go into the barracks I see you laughing and having tea with him. It has to stop.”

Maribelle: “But we’re childhood friends. What could be more natural that childhood friends having tea after a long day’s battle?”

Robin: “What if somebody slips poison into your tea, ever consider that? What if it’s a slow acting poison. You could be killing Chrom a tiny bit at a time every time you wave those absurd little teacups at him and bat your eyes at him. I thought you were friends. What kind of friend would risk slow-poisoning her dear childhood friend just because she has an absurd little crush on him?”

Maribelle: “What a ridiculous notion! I think you’re just jealous. I’ve noticed how you keep him all to yourself and keep sending all the girls away from him.”

Robin: “That’s unfair. I let him fight with Miriel, and Lissa, and Cordelia.”

Maribelle: “Pish-posh. Chrom’s terrified of Miriel. Lissa is his sister. He’s barely aware Cordelia is alive, poor girl.”

Robin: “…Be that as it may, they’re girls and I let him spend time with them, don’t I? I even let Cordelia fly him around and everything. I don’t let Sumia do that.”

Maribelle: “It’s not the same.”

Robin: “Maribelle, you really need to spend more time with men who aren’t Chrom. So you’re going to start having tea with Lon’Qu now instead.”

Maribelle: “Surely you jest! The last time I tried to talk to Lon’Qu he yelled ‘back, woman’ and ran straight into that pit trap Donnel was showing you how to dig. And when I had to patch him up after that unfortunate run-in with a wyvern rider, he actually fainted.”

Robin: “And you’re the womanlyist woman I know. It’ll be immersion therapy. Miriel told me all about it. She already tried it with him. It…uh…didn’t work out so well. I’m thinking a lady of your fine breeding with have a more delicate touch.”

Maribelle: “He won’t do it.”

Robin: “He will if I make Chrom order him to. He’s incapable of refusing orders.”

Maribelle: “And if I refuse?”

Robin: “Well, it just so happens that I have a little piece of paper right here. And, well, it might just find itself pinned to Chrom’s tent door.”

Maribelle: “Let me see that….oh. Oh, dear. Where did you get this?”

Robin: “Ah ah ah. That would be telling. Are you going to have tea with Lon’Qu or does Chrom need to find out about that little incident with the other Feroxi sellsword and…”

Maribelle: “No, no, that’s quite unnecessary. Ahem. Yes. Tea. I’m sure that Lon’Qu will appreciate tea. It’s very…bracing, and, uh soothing. Yes. Yes, quite.”

Robin: “That’s the spirit.”

Robin: “We can be honest with each other, can’t we, Sully? We’ve bonded over fiber-rich seaweed and bowel movements. I mean, after that, can’t we really talk about anything?”

Sully: “Damn right.”

Robin: “So, the reason I can’t let you, ah, stoke the home fires with Chrom anymore is because I have a complicated plan for maximizing the utility of all our offspring and, well, that plan will sort of be busted if you and Chrom spend too much more time palling around.”

Sully: “Did you maybe have heat stroke when Chrom found you in that field?”

Robin: “This isn’t about me, Sully. It’s about you and your future progeny. Don’t you want a very strong daughter? You don’t want a fainting pansy girl, do you?”

Sully: “Of course I want a strong daughter.”

Robin: “Wonderful! I thought so. Okay. I think you need to start spending a lot more time with Donnel. You’re going to let him ride around on your horse and stab things with that giant tree branch he keeps dragging around because every time I hand him a spear he sticks himself with it. You will do this until he doesn’t suck anymore and he’s won you over with his naive charm and his ‘Larry the Cable Guy’ impression.”

Sully: “The farm boy?”

Robin: “Yes, the farm boy.”

Sully: “…You’re kidding with me, right?”

Robin: “Deadly serious.”

Sully: “I refuse.”

Robin: “Well, then I’ll have to assign you to escort Ricken around instead until his constant whining about his height and his inferiority complex start to grow on you.”

Sully: “But he’s twelve!!!!”

Robin: “I think he’s more like fourteen, but whatever. He’s not the best match for you but frankly I’m running out of both time and options. You’ve already made goo-goo eyes at Chrom too often for my comfort level. I have devised this rating scale of attachment, see? And you and Chrom are already at ‘B’ because you keep finding ways to end up fighting next to him even though I try really hard to keep you on the other side of the field. That’s not okay. I need you hitched to someone else, pronto. And if you won’t take Donnel, than the only option I have left is Ricken.”

Sully: “I am NOT committing acts of pedophilia for the sake of your warped eugenics program!”

Robin: “It’s either Ricken or Donnel, Sully. I mean, Donnel at least looks like he’s sixteen or seventeen. He might even be eighteen, and just, y’know, gangly. And he has that fetching hat.”

Sully: “It’s a pot, Robin. A pot. I keep trying to give him a real helmet and he keeps clutching it and sobbing that it’s all he has left of his dear Pa what got stabbed by bandits.”

Robin: “You see, he has a sensitive side! And…uh…a lyrical country dialect! And he looks good in blue.”

Sully: “Chrom looks better in blue.”

Robin: “No Chrom for you. It’s Donnel or Ricken, Sully. Those are your options. I already had to threaten Sumia with archers. I was really hoping to avoid having to point out that your spell resistance is a joke and we fight a lot of mages.”

Sully: “Right then. Uh, I’m just going to go…train…Donnel. Ugh.”

That was amazing. I really hope 'wifey' shares more stories. Also, Henry and Sumia is a MUCH better pairing. Or Frederick.

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Is the feroxi sellsword Gregor?

Lon'qu is the more likely choice.

Edit: Just read in context, Lon'qu doesn't make sense. Most likely it's just a generic person being referred to.

Edited by Tables

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Hah! My having to constantly keep Chrom out of "trouble" led to my being indifferent towards him. Too bad I'm married to him on one file.

That said, he took to Olivia quite easily. I'm sure the pairing is like this because Chrom still needs a wife if you've killed off the other candidates, but not grinding with him left him underleveled at a few points in the game.

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