Time the Crestfallen Posted December 19, 2015 Share Posted December 19, 2015 (edited) As far as things go, I'm thinking on making a prologue chapter that goes over the ending part of the overthrow of Shirou at least, and then a bit into the Waifu Wars. Finished finals and I wrote more ideas. Mercury dies after Azura is born and Kamui on the way. Garon takes Shenmei in and protects her, since he was like a brother to Mercury. The concubines during the Waifu War get the wrong idea and Camilla's mom kills Shenmei and Azura in a fit of jealousy and an attempt to get closer to Garon. Kamui escaped by being in the right place at the right time. Garon goes very bitter over this, since his best friend, his friend's wife, and his friend's daughter were all murdered. This embitters him heavily and he takes his frustrations out rather unhealthily, distancing himself from Kamui and otherwise pretending she doesn't exist except when he has to talk to her, which is rarely. Despite this, Garon is a good father to his own kids and not entirely, 100% heartless. That all sounds really good, but why does Garon distance himself from Kamui? Is it because she reminds him of the Waifu Wars? Anyway, I have the first proper draft of Kamui's reptilian traits and so far, they're a mixture of snake and crocodile. [spoiler=Senses] Sight- Terrible. He can only see clearly about half a meter in front of him, from 0.5 to 2.5 meters his vision is blurry enough that he can make out shapes, but not details and can't differentiate between different shades of a colour and past 2.5 meters his vision is so blurry that he might as well be blind. Taste- Weird. Like a snake, his tongue doesn't have any taste buds, but he can 'taste smells' when he does the tongue-flicking thing. Hearing- Really good. He can hear heartbeats within ten meters and when a person is close, detect 1 bpm changes. Smell- Amazing, mostly due to the aforementioned tongue-flicking. Can detect scents that have lingered in the in the air for several days (like a bloodhound). Touch- Like a regular human here, nothing worth mentioning. Thermal Radiation- Basically his replacement for eyesight. Can see different shapes of living organisms and how hot/cold they are. Can also see plants, but less so than animals and people because their temperature is dependent on the environment and lower than that of animals and people. Sensitive enough to detect movements. [spoiler=Other Traits] Ectothermic- His body doesn't regulate it's own temperature, so he doesn't have any of the features that enable regular humans to vent/contain heat, such as sweat glands and body/arm/leg hair. Polyphyodont- His teeth are continuously replaced, rather than having only two sets. Underwater 'Breathing'- Can stay underwater for up to half-an-hour by lowering his heartbeat. Edited December 19, 2015 by Phillius Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ebony Posted December 19, 2015 Share Posted December 19, 2015 That all sounds really good, but why does Garon distance himself from Kamui? Is it because she reminds him of the Waifu Wars? Essentually yes, of both the Waifu Wars in general and his failure to protect his "Nohrian brother" yes. And for the underwater breathing, can Kamui just open their eyes and be fine, have to keep them closed, or will they have the gland over their lids that helps? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Time the Crestfallen Posted December 20, 2015 Share Posted December 20, 2015 (edited) Maybe, having the lid that covers his eyes when underwater is a feature of crocodiles (which isn't really 'breathing' underwater as much as it is being able to hold his breath for a long time), but it seems rather unnecessary considering that he can't see very well anyway and that his Dragon Form (which is much more similar to crocodiles than his human form) doesn't seem to have eyes at all. Right now, the answer is maybe but probably not. Also, I've decided that a lot of his weirdness comes from behaviors and habits that he picked up as a result of his reptilian traits, which he never bothered to hide as everyone he interacts with in Nohr is already used to them. For example, he stands really close to people when talking to them because he wants to be able to see their faces properly, but the distance at which he can see people clearly is what most would consider uncomfortably close. Edited December 20, 2015 by Phillius Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yari Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 (edited) Finally got around to doing this survey. I've been procrastinating busy writting other stuff and reading/rereading Jojo's Bizarre Adventure. FE Fates Fan Fiction Survey 1. What routes are you working on? Is it an amalgamation of all three? Is it an alternate universe style retelling? I originally planned on doing an amalgation of all three together but now I'm doing an amalgation of Hoshido and Nohr and later I'll write a second separate fic based on the third path. 2. What notable changes would you make to the plot? The basic ideas of the plot are very similar but there will be many changes on how it plays out and how the characters react to different events. Are problematic elements (the curse, the magic throne, the crystal ball, operation tears, Nohr and Hoshido being too black and white, everything Aqua does) going to be addressed? Yes. The curse is no longer a thing, the crystal ball is a thing but it has been changed to better fit the story, operation tears has been drastically changed, the whole black and white thing is addressed throughout the story and Aqua's ideas and plans will also be addressed. Are there any themes to be communicated over each route? Hoshido is about morality and justice while Nohr is about loyalty to your duty and the ones you grew up with. The Invisible Kingdom is about idealism, trying to fix everything and it's the hardest path. What is the overall direction and "point" of each route? This is hard to answer but I like thinking that the "point" of the story itself is about growing as a person and that each path shows it differently. 3. What notable changes would you make to the characters? It's mostly tiny things more centrered around the interactions between characters than anything and some headcanons showing up here and there. But certain character like Camilla had very big changes on certain aspects of their personality. What is Kamui all about (background, personality, abilities)? My story has two Kamuis. The female one is called Izumi and the male one is Tatsuo, they're fraternal twins who both share the ability to turn into dragons, have poor eyesight so both wear glasses and by wearing I mean Marx and Camilla try to make them wear the glasses but the glasses always end up abandoned in some random place, they mostly use their sense of smell and touch to understand the world around them, they have an affinity with water and animals, they also have some strange habits due to their dragon powers and they also have overly long tongues.​ Izumi is a serious looking young girl that doesn't like showing emotions but has dreams of becoming a heroine, she's a bit of a kuudere who's, most of the time, in control of her emotions she knows how wield swords and axes in the begining of the story. Tatsuo is a kind boy who is a bit of a doormat and has a huge crush on Zero but learns how to become more assertive in the begining of the story he knows how to wield lances and swords. What is Aqua all about (personality, role in the plot)?What are the Hoshidan and Nohrian siblings all about (personalities, roles in the plot)? Aqua didn't change a lot in personality but she is a lot less misterious for the sake of being misterious, neither did most of the siblings I just made their personalities more "deep" in a way by adding some headcanons I have to their overall personality I suck at explaning things. The exception is Camilla she is a lot less "Kamui" obssessed and more very protective of her family, especially her younger siblings, due to trauma caused by the concubine wars. The sisters get their own holy weapons and a bigger part in the story. What is Garon, Mikoto, Lilith or any other important character all about? Garon is the real deal not a fake blob monster, he's a good father to his children and he became more desperate and ruthless because of how Nohr began to decline to a worst state than before and the death ofhis children and women he loved. Mikoto doesn't change a lot in personality in her living apperances but more is found out about her after her death. Lilith is a young (by her species standarts) dragon who ended up with the group by "accident". Shenmei was a close friend of Mikoto instead of her sister and was Garon's second wife. What is Hydra all about (role in the plot)? He's not a evil mad dragon but he lost most of the hope he had in humanity. Izumi and Tatsuo have draconic powers because of a blessing given by him to Mikoto. What changes will be made to minor characters? The Awakening trio has different hair colors based on the fathers I had for them in Awakening. Pieri changed in a way that she isn't a crazy servant killer she's still crazy but she isn't always killing servants even if she doesn't like them at all. Eponine is the adopted child of Zero and Tatsou, she was a street rat orphan who lost her parents in the war. Felicia is less clumsy and her sister Flora has more supports. 4. What notable changes would you make to the setting? Not much really. Besides some world building here and there the environments of the countries haven't changed too much. What ideas do you have for world building? Hoshido is an almost heavenly place. Almost being a key word. They have a very strick norms in their society and the people can be flat out racist towards Nohrians, they also have some dirt buried under their heavenly façade. Nohr has a large army and while the nobility and other wealthier classes have a good live the great part of the population that is made of peasants lives in misery. What kind of history does this continent have? Hoshido is a place where there have been bloody war and is overall a very isolated country but they've always had excelent crops. Nohr has a story of wealthy nobility but is place where there are barely any places for crops to grow. What is the balance of natural and supernaturual elements? A bit of both. I like supernatural elements in stories so I had to add them to it. Are the Faceless and invisible enemies in your story? Yup. 5. Do any characters die? Besides Mikoto and the ones who are dead already? No. No one dies, I mean someone might die if I feel like it fits the story but for now no one dies. 6. Do you introduce any new characters? No as of right now. 7. Are any characters going to be cut? Nope. I could have added much more so if anyone wants to ask something about some character or some other thing ask away. Edited December 24, 2015 by Korosensei Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Time the Crestfallen Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 (edited) So I have some ideas I'd like to share. [spoiler=Mikoto] -There are two main objections to Mikoto being the Queen; the first is that she's a foreigner, as Hoshido is based upon a very tradition-heavy Caste system in which immigrants form the lowest level of society and a non-native ruling the country is seen as highly unconventional and disreputable, with many people wishing for Ryoma to be officially crowned. The second is that she continually pushes for a diplomatic and peaceful solution with Nohr, despite the constant skirmishes within the Infinite Chasm and the fact that they killed the King and (seemingly) one of the Royal children during what was supposed to be the signing of a Peace Treaty. -One of the reasons that Anankos and co. haven't tried assassinating Mikoto (aside from the 'Invisible Demons' being nerfed pretty badly) is that she and Azura are very paranoid about security. Their food is cooked separately and goes through two 'rounds' of taste-testers before being served, at least a half-dozen retainers or Palace Guards to be nearby at all times and they very rarely leave the Castle for example. -Einherjar!Shenmei and Sumeragi (Anankos being more of an inactive villain due to his condition) want Kamui to eventually return to Hoshido for a few reasons, most of which are based around fully awakening his draconic powers and laying the groundwork for Anankos to possess him. As a side effect of this, they are hoping that Mikoto's emotions will lead her to make a mistake. Anyway, it's like three in the morning where I am, so I'll post the rest latter. There's going to be more Mikoto stuff, a Garon rewrite, Kamui's personality and fighting style, the mechanics of Light and Dark magic and an explanation of the characters I'm adding. Edited January 4, 2016 by Phillius Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skywolfe Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 ... I just wandered into heaven. Please, excuse me for a moment. I need to pinch myself and get to work. 1. What routes are you working on? Is it an amalgamation of all three? Is it an alternate universe style retelling? Solely Invisible Kingdom at the moment for a start-to-finish fanfiction. It's going to be incredibly difficult, especially since I tried my hand at an Awakening re-telling, and that froze out on me before I even reached the timeskip. But, in my defence, Fates is going to be different since I'm the sole author involved in the project... So, in full, I'm doing all three routes, but only Invisible Kingdom is going to see a full overhaul. Conquest and Birthright will see a few tweaks here and there for oneshot or two-shot purposes, nothing substantial, since I prefer to focus all my creative power on one thing rather than a huge assortment of things at a time. 2. What notable changes would you make to the plot? Are problematic elements (the curse, the magic throne, the crystal ball, operation tears, Nohr and Hoshido being too black and white, everything Aqua does) going to be addressed?The curse is going to stay the same, but there will be loopholes I plan to exploit, and I plan to take the curse to it's logical extreme rather than gloss over the fact that it cannot be spoken about. Trust issues abound. The crystal ball I may just write out. Operation tears, perhaps... Nohr and Hoshido are both going into straight gray territory, and all of the dirty laundry is going to be hung out for everyone to see, and it's not about to be a pretty experience. Are there any themes to be communicated over each route?The problem with incestuous implications and the detrimental effect that can have on a person's psyche is definitely about to be thrown repeatedly into everybody's face. Particularly with my Kamuis, who both were in love with their future spouses long before the reveal was made. There was no sudden, "By the way, we're not siblings, so I love you!" thing going on. It was well-established, it was emotionally breaking, and there was much angst abound for all four parties. Loyalty is another theme to be explored, but probably not in the way that's meant to be thought of. It's less "loyalty to all" and more "loyalty to one" that's going to be a driving point of some parts of Conquest, especially with my male Kamui, who only would return to Nohr for Camilla rather than for any other reason. My female Kamui might have similar problems concerning Marx. Conflicting loyalties and guilt is another theme that will reach over all three routes, as well as a lack of closure for Birthright and Conquest. What is the overall direction and "point" of each route?Birthright is essentially a trainwreck from start to finish, and is meant to be the "worst of the three routes" that can be taken. The theory of recurring worlds (not entirely a Goundhog Day Loop, but more of a vague, repeating trial) is something I intend to use to its fullest effect, with Birthright always having the worst conclusion and emotional impact on the characters. (Including the Hoshidan siblings.) Conquest is a little bit better, but the complete and utter emptiness of the "victory" makes it not too better than Birthright despite the "happy ending" the Kamuis are granted by being able to live with their spouses and children at the end of the war. Invisible Kingdom is a happy ending outright, but it's not an ending that didn't come without sacrifice, a lot of hard work, and setbacks atop of setbacks. 3. What notable changes would you make to the characters? What is Kamui all about (background, personality, abilities)? Eve and Aidan are fraternal twins who were once quite close (default appearances, as I like the look, and they're meant to be twins anyhow), but Eve suffers from asthma and a weak constitution that left her frequently holed up alone in the sickbed, where she was subjected to archaic and frequently damaging healing methods by the Nohrian stave-wielders. Leeching, cupping, and smoke was used to "cure" her, and she was told that she would die young, likely in bed, gasping for breath rather than finding a glorious end on the battlefield. The closeness of mortality with her left her completely and utterly fearless and reckless on the battlefield, but her good heart and her desire for peace made more of a pacifist out of her than what her combat abilities could allow her to reach if she went all-out. Eve admired Marx from the very outset, and this brotherly worship turned into genuine love during puberty, something that scared her senseless and left her closing herself off from Marx in an attempt to stunt her growing feelings for him. She's a maternal sort who loves very easily, and she desires to see peace between Nohr and Hoshido more than anything, and is willing to pay any personal price she must to see it done. In terms of physical abilities, she's frailer than she should be as a soldier, but she's incredibly fast, and very strong when she allows herself to fight at her maximum potential, but she rarely does due to her dislike of violence, even in self-defence. She also has a strong dislike for her dragon form at the outset due to hurting Aqua, but her familiarity with herself and her desire to protect leaves her with an almost artistic control of her draconic traits at the endgame. Due to her empathetic nature, she's quite good at inspiring her comrades or talking down an enemy, but she's also extremely skilled at breaking apart a person emotionally because of her ability to read them well. It's an ability she uses very infrequently, but she's not afraid to use it at need. She adored pegasi, had a strong affinity for Hoshidan culture when she was introduced to it, but she views herself as a Nohrian through and through, even though her true heritage defies her belief. Aidan, by contrast, seems to be a cold, mechanical, unreachable man. Iago began beating him via whippings as a young boy when he accidentally made it seem like he had done something bad in Leon's place, and the beatings continued well into his adulthood. He became a patsy for his siblings' mistakes and transgressions, and while he held no blame for them and took pride in being a "protector", the beatings left him extremely emotionally broken and withdrawn. He suffers from severe PTSD and self-worth issues, as well as an extreme aversion to physical contact of any form. He's plagued with nightmares that leave him almost feral upon awakening, and takes great pains to separate himself from friends and family and strangers alike to keep them from harm in case he lashes out unintentionally. His facade of being cold and mechanical is difficult to penetrate, and he reasons that if he's disliked, then no one will feel guilt or pain if they discover about his beatings. This led to him withdrawing from Eve, as well as many others in his teenage and adulthood years, and he has a very bleak outlook on both the world and himself due to it. He has no love for Nohr whatsoever, though he is extremely fond and caring, in his own way, for his siblings. His love for Camilla defines him, though, like Eve, he spent many years purposefully isolating himself from Camilla in a desperate attempt to keep his feelings hidden and un-acted upon. He's a very peceptive, if very literal man who rarely smiles or shows emotion, and he's extremely tough in terms of physicality and combat prowess. He has a fondness for wyverns, an academic interest in culture and the outside world as a whole, and has a fierce wanderlust that he hopes to satisfy when peace comes. What is Aqua all about (personality, role in the plot)?Aqua is more of a side-character than a main character in this plot, but her friendship with the twins remains something substantial. Eve comes to view her as another sister, and she suffers from much guilt for "robbing" her of her birthright in Nohr. Aidan is far more ambivalent, but, in his own way, he begins to view Aqua as a true companion once he begins to trust her. Unlike Eve, he has no guilt for replacing her in Nohr, and believes that their kidnapping left him able to suffer in her place, and she was safe and mostly content in Mikoto's care in Hoshido, something that does make him happy underneath it all. Aqua, in turn, comes to bond fiercely with both twins, and in particular has a very strong relationship with Eve. Her role in the plot remains mostly unchanged, though her blunt nature, especially in Birthright, causes a bit of tension between her and Aidan in particular when she brings up his betrayal of Camilla to him. Aidan becomes rather antagonistic in Birthright due to her challenging of his inner desires versus his decision to remain with Hoshido, and the two do not mend fences for almost the entirety of the route. What are the Hoshidan and Nohrian siblings all about (personalities, roles in the plot)?Overall, all the siblings are given larger roles and more focus, though the Nohrian cast will see more focus over the Hoshidan ones. The concubine wars and their psychological toll on the siblings as a whole is a very important facet that I intend to explore at length, especially in terms of the elder siblings. However, Camilla and Marx are admittedly the main focus of character development and importance, especially due to their relationship with the twins. Camilla, in particular shares an equal weight for both Eve and Aidan's character development, due to her maternal surrogacy with Eve, and her romantic relationship with Aidan. Camilla discovered Aidan's beatings in their teens, and took it upon herself to become his healer as he did not wish for any of their other siblings to know, and there was an extreme amount of sexual and romantic tension between the two due to the secrecy of their meetings and the rather intimate affair of her treating his wounds. She, like Aidan, was aware quite early of the nature of her feelings, and, like Marx, had a suspicion that the twins were not truly related to her by blood, but her fear of being wrong, as well as breaking the fragile trust Aidan had in her, led her to remaining silent on her thoughts. This causes her much guilt after the reveal, though she is admittedly just as relieved to know that her love for Aidan was not as "wrong" as she had tried to convince herself it was, and she and Aidan make the transition far more seamlessly from "siblings" to "lovers". Marx, in contrast, both by plot and personality, has more difficulty overall, and his relationship with Eve is tumultuous in many respects, especially in Birthright and Invisible Kingdom. Like Camilla, he was aware of his attraction to Eve, but her withdrawal from him was confusing and difficult for him to stomach when he watched her being so close and openly demonstrative with the rest of his siblings. His belief of Eve and Aidan's betrayal (especially in Invisible Kingdom) is extremely damaging to Eve's psyche, and she suffers an emotional breakdown due to his dismissal of her. It is a difficult hurdle for the two to overcome when Marx joins up with their forces, and Marx is overwhelmed with guilt for hurting Eve so deeply, but she holds no blame against him, and rationalizes his love and loyalty to Garon was right of him, and she was hurting him just as deeply as he was hurting her with her decision to turn her back on him. The confrontation between Eve and Marx in Birhright that leads to the death of him and Elise leaves Eve completely shattered, and her only goal from then on is to put a stop to Garon and end the war. She never recovers from Marx's death (and she is the one to kill him, as she views it as her personal responsibility due to her love for him), and while Aidan is allowed a bittersweet ending in terms of reconciling with Camilla and living out the rest of his days with her, Eve leaves the world outright for the Outrealms, travelling from world to world in penace for her sins. What is Garon, Mikoto, Lilith or any other important character all about?Garon is an imbodiment of fear for Eve, and one of loathing and mixed emotions for Aidan. Mikoto is a maternal figure that Aidan never had and one that he immediately wishes to keep, and Eve struggles with her conflicting feelings for Mikoto as her true mother, and Camilla, who was a mixture of sibling and mother to her all throughout her youth. Garon, in general however, is viewed through many different eyes, and especially with the Nohrian siblings, it will be explored how his hold on their loyalty is built on far more than fear. I am of the belief that the Nohrian siblings, (barring Elise due to her age), all display eerily accurate traits of victims of extreme psychological familial abuse, and their emotionally breaking experiences in the concubine wars have made their loyalty to Garon far more multi-faceted than it initially appears, and I am hoping to delve deeply into that. What is Hydra all about (role in the plot)? His role will remain mostly the same. What changes will be made to minor characters? Iago is far more of an antagonist than he was initially, especially in concern with the twins. 4. What notable changes would you make to the setting? What ideas do you have for world building? As mentoned before, Nohr's history is going to be analyzed intensely. Hoshido and Nohr's contrast in terms of appearance, history, culture is also going to be rather important. What kind of history does this continent have? Mostly sticking to whatever canon is given, with a few additions here and there, but nothing too extensive. What is the balance of natural and supernatural elements? It's fantasy/ancient history, so both elements are going to be of equal weight... But, in terms of things like healing, I like a good mixture of staff use and other archaic methods that were used in the treatment of asthma. Are the Faceless and invisible enemies in your story? Yes. 5. Do any characters die? Not beyond canon's need. 6. Do you introduce any new characters? There will be mention of the half-siblings that were killed in the concubine wars, and the mothers of Leon, Elise, and Camilla may or may not make appearances, but they will most certainly have a role in fleshing out characterization. 7. Are any characters going to be cut? Not outright cut, but their roles may be lessened or lengthened depending on need. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NekoKnight Posted January 5, 2016 Author Share Posted January 5, 2016 Phew, now that we're done with the holiday season noooo, take me back! I can go back to focusing on what's important; Fire Emblem. I think I'll get back to work on my Nohr chapter dialogues as well as a Kamui x Camilla support. @Skywolfe and Yari, thanks for the contributions. They've been added to the OP. Let me know if/when you have anything else to add. So I have some ideas I'd like to share. [spoiler=Mikoto] -There are two main objections to Mikoto being the Queen; the first is that she's a foreigner, as Hoshido is based upon a very tradition-heavy Caste system in which immigrants form the lowest level of society and a non-native ruling the country is seen as highly unconventional and disreputable, with many people wishing for Ryoma to be officially crowned. The second is that she continually pushes for a diplomatic and peaceful solution with Nohr, despite the constant skirmishes within the Infinite Chasm and the fact that they killed the King and (seemingly) one of the Royal children during what was supposed to be the signing of a Peace Treaty. -One of the reasons that Anankos and co. haven't tried assassinating Mikoto (aside from the 'Invisible Demons' being nerfed pretty badly) is that she and Azura are very paranoid about security. Their food is cooked separately and goes through two 'rounds' of taste-testers before being served, at least a half-dozen retainers or Palace Guards to be nearby at all times and they very rarely leave the Castle for example. -Einherjar!Shenmei and Sumeragi (Anankos being more of an inactive villain due to his condition) want Kamui to eventually return to Hoshido for a few reasons, most of which are based around fully awakening his draconic powers and laying the groundwork for Anankos to possess him. As a side effect of this, they are hoping that Mikoto's emotions will lead her to make a mistake. I like the first paragraph concerning Mikoto and would probably implement something similar if/when I write Hoshido. It's a great source of internal conflict that Hoshido badly needs and the diplomatic and peaceful ruler being contentious in the "good" country is a theme rarely explored in Fire Emblem (only Crimea in RD, unless I'm mistaken). The second paragraph I'm a little more iffy on. I know that peaceful and diplomatic doesn't automatically mean "soft" but for a person as sweet sounding as Mikoto, I don't think 'very paranoid' really fits. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Time the Crestfallen Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 (edited) That image in your sig is really triggering me Neko. Don't make me go all Town of Salem on you :) As for wanting to still be on Holidays, my TAFE course starts in the first week of February, so I feel you. I like the first paragraph concerning Mikoto and would probably implement something similar if/when I write Hoshido. It's a great source of internal conflict that Hoshido badly needs and the diplomatic and peaceful ruler being contentious in the "good" country is a theme rarely explored in Fire Emblem (only Crimea in RD, unless I'm mistaken). The second paragraph I'm a little more iffy on. I know that peaceful and diplomatic doesn't automatically mean "soft" but for a person as sweet sounding as Mikoto, I don't think 'very paranoid' really fits. Paranoid probably wasn't the right word. 'Vigilant' is probably better as, while she's not going around thinking that everyone she sees is a potential assassin, she definitely does take a lot of precautions when it comes to her and Azura's safety. There was the thing with Garon and Chevalier (which I'll explain in Gooron's fix) and there was an assassination attempt an upstart noble family against her after Sumeragi died, so it's not unjustified either. Anyway, I'm going to give some very brief summaries and then expand on them based on feedback. [spoiler=Kamui's Personality] -Continuing the trend of subverting the charismatic, beloved-lord type of hero, I was thinking of Kamui being very shy, quiet, not good at interacting with others and a bit of a doormat i.e. he has no problems being assertive for important matters, but is very easily walked over on a day-to-day basis. -As a result of growing up with only a select group of people to spend time with, all of whom are very understanding of his strange habits being a result of his draconic heritage, he isn't very good at keeping them in-check around people who would take them the wrong way, so he comes of as extremely weird. -Most of his character development is based around becoming less hopelessly optimistic and becoming less of a doormat, although he still remains quiet and bashful [spoiler=Dark Magic] -There are three different 'schools' of Dark Magic; sorcerers, who use it in combat scenarios. Alchemists, who create/enhance tomes, poisons and other objects with Dark Magic and Necromancers, who create creatures (Faceless and Revenants) as well as induce mutations in already existing creatures. -Dark Magic is highly toxic to those who can't use it innately (the Dark Dragons and Anankos) with very few exceptions (The Holy Weapons of Nohr due to being fragments of the Yato, which is a Divine Weapon and Owain/Odin, who is immune due to the blood of Naga). It builds up slowly in the body whenever it is used, with the symptoms being similar to that of cancer and a myriad of genetic conditions. -Dark Mages dress skimpily because the toxic residue of Dark Magic can be vented through pores in the skin, but can be blocked by articles of clothing. It also builds up faster than it can be lost, so it's a delaying tactic more than anything else. Edited January 6, 2016 by Phillius Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NekoKnight Posted January 6, 2016 Author Share Posted January 6, 2016 (edited) That image in your sig is really triggering me Neko. Don't make me go all Town of Salem on you :) As for wanting to still be on Holidays, my TAFE course starts in the first week of February, so I feel you. Paranoid probably wasn't the right word. 'Vigilante' is probably better as, while she's not going around thinking that everyone she sees is a potential assassin, she definitely does take a lot of precautions when it comes to her and Azura's safety. There was the thing with Garon and Chevalier (which I'll explain in Gooron's fix) and there was an assassination attempt an upstart noble family against her after Sumeragi died, so it's not unjustified either. Anyway, I'm going to give some very brief summaries and then expand on them based on feedback. [spoiler=Kamui's Personality] -Continuing the trend of subverting the charismatic, beloved-lord type of hero, I was thinking of Kamui being very shy, quiet, not good at interacting with others and a bit of a doormat i.e. he has no problems being assertive for important matters, but is very easily walked over on a day-to-day basis. -As a result of growing up with only a select group of people to spend time with, all of whom are very understanding of his strange habits being a result of his draconic heritage, he isn't very good at keeping them in-check around people who would take them the wrong way, so he comes of as extremely weird. -Most of his character development is based around becoming less hopelessly optimistic and becoming less of a doormat, although he still remains quiet and bashful [spoiler=Dark Magic] -There are three different 'schools' of Dark Magic; sorcerers, who use it in combat scenarios. Alchemists, who create/enhance tomes, poisons and other objects with Dark Magic and Necromancers, who create creatures (Faceless and Revenants) as well as induce mutations in already existing creatures. -Dark Magic is highly toxic to those who can't use it innately (the Dark Dragons and Anankos) with very few exceptions (The Holy Weapons of Nohr due to being fragments of the Yato, which is a Divine Weapon and Owain/Odin, who is immune due to the blood of Naga). It builds up slowly in the body whenever it is used, with the symptoms being similar to that of cancer and a myriad of genetic conditions. -Dark Mages dress skimpily because the toxic residue of Dark Magic can be vented through pores in the skin, but can be blocked by articles of clothing. It also builds up faster than it can be lost, so it's a delaying tactic more than anything else. Aqua is the local girl ruining the canon Fates story. I won't recant, even as I burn on the cross. So is Mikoto basically a smart Emmeryn? The peaceful nature minus the naivete? I'd be down for this. Contrary to the majority opinions around here, I don't even dislike Emmeryn that much. Her actions in the plot seemed appropriate for the situation she was put in. I guess people don't like saintly character archetypes. I'll have to see how you implement Kamui before I can pass judgement. The base personality sounds good but execution and character development are also important. Charismatic optimist (like most FE lords) is a pretty standard hero template, but the quality and direction of the writing greatly alters our appreciation of such heroes. I like the different branches of dark magic. They give a sense of scholarship and culture as opposed to the purely aesthetic differences we see in game. I'd say "I need to wear skimpy clothes so I can sweat out dark magic" is one of your more sketchy ideas, however. Maybe I'm biased because I miss the classical wizards wearing their big heavy robes. Edited January 6, 2016 by NekoKnight Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Time the Crestfallen Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 (edited) Aqua is the local girl ruining the canon Fates story. I won't recant, even as I burn on the cross. So is Mikoto basically a smart Emmeryn? The peaceful nature minus the naivete? I'd be down for this. Contrary to the majority opinions around here, I don't even dislike Emmeryn that much. Her actions in the plot seemed appropriate for the situation she was put in. I guess people don't like saintly character archetypes. I'll have to see how you implement Kamui before I can pass judgement. The base personality sounds good but execution and character development are also important. Charismatic optimist (like most FE lords) is a pretty standard hero template, but the quality and direction of the writing greatly alters our appreciation of such heroes. I like the different branches of dark magic. They give a sense of scholarship and culture as opposed to the purely aesthetic differences we see in game. I'd say "I need to wear skimpy clothes so I can sweat out dark magic" is one of your more sketchy ideas, however. Maybe I'm biased because I miss the classical wizards wearing their big heavy robes. Hmm...well as long as you don't call her bland, I'll let it slide. For now...(I've got my eye on you >.>) As for the Dark Mages uniform, I was trying to justify why they'd wear such a thing in a cold, sunless environment (they sure as hell aren't working on their tan). Event though I could retcon them to wearing proper wizard robes- wait, that sounds way easier and more believable. Yeah I think I'll just do that... Edited January 6, 2016 by Phillius Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NekoKnight Posted January 6, 2016 Author Share Posted January 6, 2016 Hmm...well as long as you don't call her bland, I'll let it slide. For now...(I've got my eye on you >.>) As for the Dark Mages uniform, I was trying to justify why they'd wear such a thing in a cold, sunless environment (they sure as hell aren't working on their tan). Event though I could retcon them to wearing proper wizard robes- wait, that sounds way easier and more believable. Yeah I think I'll just do that... Aqua has a pretty good personality, far better than Kamui's. It's just her story involvement that sinks the narrative. I wanted to like her, honest! If you really wanted to keep the skimpy robes, I think it would be better to tie it to some reverence to the source of the magic. Like, dark magic was brought into the world by dark dragons so they wear garments resembling their former dragon masters...or something. Except sorcerer robes bear a greater likeness to crows, so that's out. Plus, if you are going for a more scholarly approach to magic, worshiping dragons is probably wrong too. Unless all of the ice tribe villagers have immunity to ice, I'm not sure how Clear and the other dark mages avoid freezing their nips off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Time the Crestfallen Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 Well it's not that I want to keep the skimpy robes, it's that I was trying to justify it because it never occurred to me while I was rewriting significant chunks of the story that I could change the outfit until you mentioned it. And then I jump off a bridge because this stupidity should not be spread to the next generation. For the Ice Tribe, since Felicia and Flora are apparently immune to the cold (It never bothered Flora anyway) I had a headcanon that they all dress (comparatively) skimpy as a symbol of strength, as they don't need clothing to protect themselves from the elements. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunwoo Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 (edited) I completely changed the idea for my Fates project, where I'm just going to do the third path. Whether you guys want me to update shit on here or not, I don't know. Alternatively, I can do shit like this: Garon: AHHH. AFTER TEN THOUSAND YEARS I'M FREE. TIME TO CONQUER HOSHIDO. Mikoto: Yukimura, Garon's escaped. Recruit five Hoshidans with attitude! Edited January 6, 2016 by Sunwoo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azz Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 I completely changed the idea for my Fates project, where I'm just going to do the third path. Whether you guys want me to update shit on here or not, I don't know. Alternatively, I can do shit like this: Garon: AHHH. AFTER TEN THOUSAND YEARS I'M FREE. TIME TO CONQUER HOSHIDO. Mikoto: Yukimura, Garon's escaped. Recruit five Hoshidans with attitude! 10/10 would read more then once Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
False Prophet Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 (edited) 1. What routes are you working on? Is it an amalgamation of all three? Is it an alternate universe style retelling? - The second one, with Hoshido and Nohr's stories happen independently before unite to Touma 2. What notable changes would you make to the plot? - Twin Kamui. The male (Kamui) joins Hoshido, and the female (Corrin) chooses Nohr as a part of their plan to find out about the truth. And Revenge. Oh, and the twins played the two kingdoms' forces like chess pieces. The aim is to kept no everyone alive before they are done with their plan. - Corrin staged a real populist rebellion to dispose Garron. However, she was defeated and Xander was ordered to take her head by his hand. Cyrus arrived on time, though. In the end, Nohr became a constitutional monarch. - Kamui was exiled from Hoshido because he ordered Aqua to deliver Elise's cure to Nohr. It's during this wandering period that he discovered Gunther was still alive, and the invisible Kingdom. - The reason that both sides (not the Royal Families', but the common consensus of their respective government body) agreed on a joint skirmish against Touma is simply because they want to take over the land after Anakos was gone. During the Revelation route, many traitorous acts had been committed by both sides, but thankfully they came to an understanding. - Corrin contracted the same "plague" of Akenia that has driven many Manakete, including Anakos, to fell into insanity. However, after the final battle and her brother sacrifice, she was cured. Shigure passed on the throne of Touma and Kanna to his aunt, while himself wandered the outrealm. 3. What notable changes would you make to the characters? - Corrin: A "Woman Woman" - not unscrupulous, but selfish. Not wicked, but manipulative. Not evil, but ambitious. She usually only focused on her own scheme (which do have a good intention), rarely considering everything that happen to others - excluded those really close to her (Charlotte had several time nearly hit the fan because the stayed on Corrin's bad side, and therefore, her favorite to send into suicide missions.) However, after taking the role of a rebellion leader, she slowly changed; and by the time she once again joined force with his brother, Corrin had became a full-fledged leader (imagine Lucina after joining the Shepherd). - Kamui: The polar opposite of his sister. At first, he was a naive men (he spent his whole life inside a tower, so his view is, of course, from the cloud down). Then, becoming a Hoshido prince-general, lord of a turbulence domain, the hero that established a centralized system that united Hoshido and put all power to the golden throne of of his emperor brother, the second conspirator of a continental scheme, and a widowed father had worn him down. He realized that life was a webs of benefits, interests,.. not ideals. In the end, he was broken, to the point nearly becoming Anakos' monster (while his sister is the one contracted the madness). His sacrifice in the end could be seen as an act of redemption. - The children: Just some tidbits: + Shigure turned into a dragon for once + Kanna used her mother's pendant in an attempt to end Sumeragi's foul existence, but the song backfired and we have an act focused on everyone racing on time to save her. + Deere's relationship with his father became even more strained as Joker kept his obsession over Corrin even after he had married Flora. He decided not to become a butler, instead joined the Ice Tribe. + Shinonome was denied by his own maternal grandparents, and in the eyes of many, he was the son of the traitorous Crimson who exchanged Chevalier from one hand (Nohr) to another (Hoshido). - Anakos, the disposed Manakete (this I planned for the prequel of this, which is a crossover): In the Divine Dragon tribe, there exist a rule: A divine draon must marry a divine dragon. Anakos is the result of the union between a water and a divine dragon. He was exiled by his own kin, traveled through many continents by the gates (for example, he jumped right into the middle of the Scorching). After witnessing man and dragon fight over and over again, he grown bitter and made himself the his own realm (the secluded regions). However, something made him change his heart and decided to live with the human.... 4. What notable changes would you make to the setting? - Themes: + War = Human = Logic + Madness + Is "family" simply means those related by blood to you? - Nohrian and Hoshidorian was created by Ashunera as part of an experiment. After her mistaken intervention into the matter of mortals on Tellius, the goddess wanted to decide whether getting rid of her feelings would be a good choice. This is the start of the two kingdoms' eternal and illogical hatred to each other, as influenced by Chaos. Ashunera of course came to the conclusion to split Yune from her. And the human on this continent was left to perish in the flame of war. However, Anakos came as the savior. He taught human of knowledge, magic, art,... civilized them. However, because Chaos's influence could not be fully ended, Anakos set up Touma as a "buffer zone" between the hostile Hoshido and Nohr, while passed down his dragon blood to as much people as possible to strengthen them before Chaos. That was how the continent entered their most prosperity period... (The trace of polytheism is still visible in Hoshido, where they established a system which the Dawn Dragon is the supreme god, Ashunera and various other figures - even Formotiis became lesser guardian gods.) - Nohr is a country on the verge of a Rennaisance/Industrial Revolution. As science and trade growing, there is a chance of the country moving from an agrarian to a industrial society. This, of course, upsets the old lords. The forces of Feudalism and Capitalism constantly faced each other (from this platform that Corrin launched her revolution), and the only way for the country to burst into a civil war is to target their hatred to the old feud with Hoshido. - Hoshido is no better. While there is appearance peace in the land, it isn't brought by a united, competent government, but simply because none of the warlords is strong enough to gain victory over other. It wasn't like this decades ago: King Sumeragi's first wife and Ryouma, Takumi, Hinoka, Sakura's birth mother was killed when an allied forces of lords stormed the capital and chased their emperor out. The war was ended thanks to Mikoto, Yuugiri and Yukimura, but hatred still shimmering - it's rumored that king Sumeragi's death has a hand of a traitor on it... - Both Nohrian and Hoshidorian are freaking racist. Their favorite puppets are the fox, the wolf people and four tribes, not to mention each other. However, since Mikoto took the power, many reforms had been made, segregation was outlawed and the racist practices from conscious turned into unconscious. The situation is much worse in the Nohr, where the Lords directed the people's hatred to the minorities, while promoted a "supreme race" theory (encompassing biological, economy, politic, and art.) The aim is to keep the state as is it. 5. Do any characters die? Surprisingly short: - Aqua - Kamui (On the bright side, Flora lived after set herself on fire! And Crimson, too!) 6. Do you introduce any new characters? - Well, I'm thinking a way to fit Cipher's extra character in. 7. Are any characters going to be cut? - No. I want to exploit the full potential of every character. Now thinking about this, my idea is kind of banal. Edited January 6, 2016 by False Prophet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Time the Crestfallen Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 [spoiler=Dark Magic] -Dark Magic is highly toxic to those who can't use it innately with a few exceptions, such as those with either the blood of Light Dragons (Hoshido Royal Family + Owain and Inigo (ChromxOlivia is my headcanon), Dark Dragons (Nohr Royal Family) or Anankos (Azura, albeit distantly and Kamui, although Kamui's relation to Anankos is...a bit weird). -Due to the decay of the Dark Dragon's corpses into the soil, the land of Nohr itself is constantly producing Dark Magic of varying intensities based on how far it is from the Great Blight (the large body of water within Nohr on the world map). For a significant period of early Nohrian history, the leading cause of death by far was Necroplasia (the medical term for Dark Magic poisoning) until a team of Nohr's greatest dark mages and scientists discovered a way to produce a barrier of Light Magic that couldn't be pierced by Dark Magic. Windam, as well as every township and road within Nohr is protected by these barriers. However, literally all of the Light Magic that Nohr produces by itself is used to maintain these barriers, so all of their available healing magic is imported and thus, used sparingly when compared to surgery, medicine and even Dark Magic itself in some cases. [spoiler=Necroplasia] -The early symptoms involve the infected's looks and physiology becoming (to a degree) more corpse-like, hence the Necro prefix. These symptoms include paler skin, thinning of hair, loss of muscle mass, lower body temperature and stiffness in movement. The late-stage symptoms mostly consist of uncontrollable tumour growth on bone-marrow that starts from the chest and reaches the skull and feet before spreading to the vital organs (brain, heart, lungs, kidneys and liver). The process is incredibly slow, painful and eventually leads to the vital organs shutting down and the infected person dying. There is no known cure, as Dark Magic can never be fully removed from the body. Light Magic (especially healing magic) can be used to temporarily reverse the symptoms, but it's only a temporary solution and there isn't enough Light Magic to spare, so most dark mages simply commit suicide at the earliest sign of tumour growth in order to spare themselves the agony. -However, there are a lot of perks that make the job worthwhile to some people. Dark Mages are extremely well respected as guaranteeing themselves a very early death for the good of the country and the people, to the point that insulting a Dark Mage (as long as they follow the Code of Ethics) is the fastest way to make oneself into a social pariah. They're also paid very well, are welcomed into a close-knit and friendly community of like-minded individuals (albeit one with an extremely morbid sense of humour) and granted social status beaten only by the Noble Families of Nohr. [spoiler=The Many Faces of Dark Magic] 'Dark Mage' is a blanket term for a person who studies Dark Magic. There are three different types or 'Arts' of Dark Magic, each with there own area of specialty and are themselves divided into dozens of sub-schools. Dark mages can elect to change between the Arts whenever they choose, and the act is even offered freely in order to encourage the pursuit of knowledge. The Arts are: The Art of Sorcery- These are the ones that wield Dark Magic upon the battlefield and use curses in every day life. They have both the highest enrollment and the quickest development of late-term Necroplasia. Much like in Awakening, curses can be used for day-to-day events and can be used for positive roles and not just killing people, but the Sorcerers must strike a careful balance between using their art frequently enough to benefit society and using it sparingly enough that they don't start suffering from late-term Necroplasia too soon in their lives. The Art of Alchemy- The role of an Alchemist is to create objects or enhance existing objects with Dark Magic. Often stereotyped (mostly jokingly, sometimes seriously) by their peers and superiors as schemers and potential usurpers due to the myriad of incredibly lethal poisons they've invented and that some of them legitimately have attempted coups in the past. However, most of them are working on various inventions that would benefit society in order to shake this image and it is said that nothing is more excitable than an Alchemist showing of their latest invention. The Art of Necromancy- Necromancy is the study of life and how it functions. There knowledge has advanced so far that they can create entirely different species with only two or three generations of selective breeding and gene manipulation as well as induce beneficial mutations in still living creatures. Although they remain a part of the close-knit community of dark mages, they are a very secretive order, tend to police themselves rather than be held accountable by their peers and have by far the lowest rate of Art-switching. The Necromancers have recently come under intense scrutiny by the Noble Families, the Military and even their fellow Arts due to the actions of the Cult of Askosis (more on them latter) and have so far reacted to these intrusions with mild irritation. [spoiler=Code of Ethics] -Due to the dangerous nature of Dark Magic and some past embarrassments involving distasteful individuals misusing their powers, the different Arts have adopted a very strict Code of Ethics when it comes to dealing with their field of study. Although the specifics differ from Art to Art (especially in regards to Necromancers, who are suspected to have a completely different Code than what they present to the public), the general principles are as follows: *No experiment conducted will ever be a danger to the public. Appropriate safety precautions will always be in place. *No successful experiment will ever be misused. The experiments results will be used to benefit Nohr and it's citizens, not for personal wealth or power *Any living, human test subject must give explicit consent in the form of a signed contract and they retain the right to opt out of the experiment at any time *Any living, human test subject will be well-compensated for their contributions to the experiment, proportionate to time spent on the experiment and potential effects on their health. [spoiler=The Cult of Askosis] -Askosis was initially Brett Juliuson, a relatively normal practitioner of the Art of Necromancy, albeit one who wasn't well liked due to pushing the boundaries of consent when asking people to participate in his experiments (he never forced anyone, but he made extremely underwhelming offers to the most desperately poor citizens of foreign countries, who had no choice but to participate if they wanted to feed their families). Everything changed when he found an ancient, hidden text detailing the rebellion of Siegfried and his Siblings against the Dark Dragons. Brett became obsessed with the idea of obtaining the powers of the Dark Dragons and resolved to achieve that result, whatever the cost. -Brett took the name Askosis, the name of a Dragon that had fought and nearly killed Kriemhilde in a one-on-one duel before his arrogance had led him to toy with his opponent and allowed her to deal a fatal blow when he leased expected it. Askosis convinced seven of his colleagues that belonged to a Dragon-worshiping fringe group that he was a reincarnation of the true Askosis and that they should help him overthrow the 'corrupt' Nohrian government (although many theorised that some form of mind-control/tampering was involved). -The first act of the Cult of Askosis was to acquire a rare Nosferatu tome and have those amongst them who had spent time as an Alchemist modify it to be far more potent, using human sacrifices as a core component of the process. With the Tome acquired, Askosis and his fellow Necromancers set about inducing mutations in his body to make him appear to be a Dragon/Human Hybrid. While such a process would've been lethal under normal circumstances, they were able to use slaves bought of the Makaras market and the enhanced Nosferatu tome to sustain his life throughout the procedure. The cult members than revealed that there were a little more than two dozen dragon-worshipers working within the various Arts, all of whom saw Askosis' new form and pledged their undying loyalty to him. -Now with his own cohort of mindless worshipers, Askosis tasked half of them to recruit more intelligent and like-minded followers of the 'True Rulers of Nohr' to join the cause while the others were told to prepare for war, often with specific requests from Askosis in order to expand his power-base. The seven cult ring-leaders announced that them and the other members were working on a massive project that would revolutionise the Nohrian Kingdom which, while drawing a fair amount of suspicion, would allow them to more effectively co-ordinate their efforts. -Dozens of people, both those who were capable of becoming dark mages and those who were merely helpers flocked to join the cause and as the years past, the inventions began to stack up, all of them testaments to both their twisted genius and the disturbing lengths the Cult of Askosis was willing to go to in order to achieve their goals; poisons made from the waters of the Great Blight, mind-controllable and semi-intelligent Faceless that bred like rabbits, tomes that could melt the flesh of a soldier's bones in a split-second, almost two hundred loyal followers, ready to die if only he asked it of them and even a non-lethal, but infectious version of Necroplasia. However, Askosis had one more request; he wanted a group of elite super-soldiers that could fight against the Royal Family and win. To this end, the most charismatic of his followers was tasked with acquiring the initial testing group. To do this, he would go into town and seduce random strangers, inviting them back to his home only to drug them and send them to his fellows, only to hit the bars again in search of new victims. -Eventually however, they were caught. Spies implanted within the group noticed that, while nothing suspicious was ever said in his presence, that the disappearance of one of the ringleaders correlated with the kidnappings of several men and women. The military stormed his home and caught the man writing down the results of his experiment, with every single one of them dying (I was kind of toying with having one of them survive, and that person being Charlotte as an explanation for her ridiculous strength, but I'm kinda eh about that idea right now). Within the ringleader's home they found enough evidence to condemn the entire group, including a list of every member of the cult and which experiments they were involved in. -Garon's judgement was swift and decisive; every member of the Cult of Askosis (barring Askosis himself and the original 31 members who had been alerted of their comrades death and fled) were executed, all the projects they worked on were destroyed (with the exception of the mutated Faceless, who would go on to attack both Nohr and Hoshido and garner such a massively negative stigma that the 'ordinary' Faceless controlled by Sorcerers were shitcanned to avoid public backlash) and the Dark Magic arts (especially the Art of Necromancy, to which all of the original eight cult members belonged) would come under intense scrutiny from the military, although care was taken to make sure that their public reputation did not take extensive damage for fear of mass panic and hysteria Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Damosel Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 I'm late to the Dark Mage party but here's my reason for why they're clothing is stripperific: There was a law in Nohr that dark mages must not conceal weapons upon their person but instead carry them out in the open where the tomes could be inspected. It was decreed early in Nohr’s history when it was discovered that the ruler, young and newly crowned, had been manipulated by a magical adviser through a hex that was kept concealed within his bulky robes. Once the controlling instrument had been destroyed the ruler returned to herself and passed ordinances to try and prevent such a thing from ever happening again. Though many speculated that she did so vengefully- wanting to also shame those magically capable of controlling others. Many addendums had been added throughout the subsequent years, such as mages upon mounts being able to wear fully covering armor and clothing- but the revealing uniform worn by foot-bound dark mages could all be traced back to that ancient event. Camilla had gone onto explain that within Nohr’s court there was a divide on opinion. Some believed that there was no need to change a working system, most of these had no connection to actual dark mages who lived within these laws. Others wanted change to come and drew attention to the matter in whatever legal ways they could. Camilla admitted that her own tendency toward low-cut, revealing clothing was a habit she adopted as an adolescent to protest the conditions that her mother lived under. Made it into a historical/social issue. I also made Camilla's mother a dark mage, thus why she herself would dress so scantily. (because fanservice is a crappy reason) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ebony Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 So I have some ideas I'd like to share. [spoiler=Mikoto] -There are two main objections to Mikoto being the Queen; the first is that she's a foreigner, as Hoshido is based upon a very tradition-heavy Caste system in which immigrants form the lowest level of society and a non-native ruling the country is seen as highly unconventional and disreputable, with many people wishing for Ryoma to be officially crowned. The second is that she continually pushes for a diplomatic and peaceful solution with Nohr, despite the constant skirmishes within the Infinite Chasm and the fact that they killed the King and (seemingly) one of the Royal children during what was supposed to be the signing of a Peace Treaty. -One of the reasons that Anankos and co. haven't tried assassinating Mikoto (aside from the 'Invisible Demons' being nerfed pretty badly) is that she and Azura are very paranoid about security. Their food is cooked separately and goes through two 'rounds' of taste-testers before being served, at least a half-dozen retainers or Palace Guards to be nearby at all times and they very rarely leave the Castle for example. -Einherjar!Shenmei and Sumeragi (Anankos being more of an inactive villain due to his condition) want Kamui to eventually return to Hoshido for a few reasons, most of which are based around fully awakening his draconic powers and laying the groundwork for Anankos to possess him. As a side effect of this, they are hoping that Mikoto's emotions will lead her to make a mistake. Anyway, it's like three in the morning where I am, so I'll post the rest latter. There's going to be more Mikoto stuff, a Garon rewrite, Kamui's personality and fighting style, the mechanics of Light and Dark magic and an explanation of the characters I'm adding. I almost feel like we're going in opposite directions. Mikoto is the more action oriented one of the sisters. As a kid she was a mix of Ryouma and Sakura. Ryouma's hot bloodedness but Sakura's kindness. She takes up physical weapons (bows) because they feel better in her hands then, say, tomes. Shenmei is the calmer and more strategic (heh) one. Basically Mikoto is the warrior princess of the duo, but has to subdue those parts of her/tempered them as she got older. At the least, she was the one who taught Takumi his marksmanship. Kinda funny imo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Time the Crestfallen Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 (edited) Heh. It's funny because Shenmei's class is Strategist. That's a pretty cool idea, but I personally feel compelled to continue with the calm, peaceful ruler. If only because she definitely fits the Yamato Nadeshiko archetype. [spoiler=Mikoto and Shenmei] They're also not related in my rewrite and it's only, like, 99.99% because I'm a massive Kamui/Azura fanboy. They are best friends though, with Shenmei being the Queen and current bearer of Anankos' pendant and Mikoto being the High Priest of Touma's religion (religion was pretty big in Touma, considering that you could literally walk up to the physical manifestation of God's will and give him a handshake if you were so inclined). Anyway; [spoiler=Kamui] [spoiler=Kamui's Backstory] -Kamui was conceived by Sumeragi getting Mikoto pregnant, and then having Mikoto drink potions made from Good!Anankos' blood. The reason Anankos didn't 'do the honours' was because Dragons and Humans aren't cannot conceive children together in my rewrite due to genetic differences and the blood potions is the way every Dragon/Human hybrid was produced (it also dramatically decreased the mother's aging, extending there lifespan by several hundred years) and the reason such a child was needed in the first place was apparently because 'only a child of mine will have the strength to defeat me' according to Anankos. The reality was that he took a bit of Shenmei, Garon, Sumeragi and Mikoto' blood, looked into their futures (you can't just 'see' the future, but you can see a person's future by using a part of them as a catalyst, and even then their knowledge of the future can change the outcomes) and saw that Kamui would be the one to defeat him (he dies doing it, and it's technically Azura who lands the final blow, but Kamui does most of the work). However, he neglected to mention his knowledge of the future to his co-conspirators for fear of them altering the outcome, considering their deaths (or crippling injuries in Mikoto's case) to be necessary sacrifices. -They fled to an Astral Realm until he was born, but they barely had a month after that before Insane!Anankos had finished breaking out of his magical bindings and start tearing up the Touma capitol. Good!Anankos quietly ushered them out while Insane!Anankos tore the place up. Shenmei and Azura went to Nohr with Garon (who was secretly in love with Shenmei) and Mikoto went with Sumeragi (the two having fallen in love with each other in the years after Queen Ikona died). Insane!Anankos would spend the time Kamui and Azura spent growing up destroying (all but one) of the Astral Realms colonised by the Toumans and trying to reabsorb his other half. -In order to avoid the scandal of having a strange, foreign woman living within Shirasagi Castle who, despite not having any romantic connections to the King had obviously had a child with him, chose to announce to the public that they had been married. This then became a scandal as he had only been gone for a month and had come back and announced that he'd married a foreigner (the lowest Caste of people within Hoshidan society) and had obviously had a bastard child with this woman. While not as scandalous (which isn't saying much), the nobility and general public went into complete meltdown. -Mikoto by far the majority (if not all) of the initial heat, especially from the Nobility. Hinoka in particular was very vocal about her hatred of her (Queen Ikona died giving birth to her, something that she felt very guilty about. The thought that Mikoto would 'replace' Ikona made this guilt worse and led to resentment. Ryoma was skeptical, but nevertheless was willing to give her a chance). It wasn't until a short while after Takumi was that they were able to mend fences and it took even longer before she called her mother. She also won over certain demographics of the public (those of foreign descent and the 18-35's) for being a symbol of progress and making policy changes that, while keeping the Caste System in place made it far more difficult for less-than-savoury individuals to abuse their power. However, she remains unpopular amongst the majority of the upper echelons of Hoshidan society. -Baby Kamui however, was the opposite. Hinoka and Ryoma instantly took to him instantly and he received a lot of positive attention from high-ranking members of Hoshidan society (especially church members) because he was the first to be born with the physical traits of a dragon/human hybrid since the earliest period of Hoshidan history and thus, was seen as a good omen for things to come. However, while growing up, he had a lot of struggles when it came to making friends with other kids his age and was bullied (not in the actively malicious way that Azura was, but in the more standard playground way) by older children a lot. This included making fun of his appearance (they were too young to understand the significance of his draconic features and he was very effeminate looking, to the point where most people assumed he was female at first-sight), his clumsiness (from being mostly blind) being 'weird' (commenting on people's body temperature for example) and for being a bastard child (the ones that bullied him typically having parents that disapproved of Mikoto, with their kids repeating what they overheard their parents saying about him while the ones that didn't bully him either didn't care for him either way or kissed up to him in a very obvious, pushy and off-putting way by order of their parents). The other kids played innocent when adults were around and made the traditional threat of 'if you tell anyone, we'll beat you up (they wouldn't have, but he didn't know that). -During one of the meetings in which representatives for Nohr (Shenmei), Hoshido (Mikoto) and the leaders of the elemental tribes (with the exception of the Earth tribe) would get together and discuss the terms of a peace treaty and a possible UN-ish sort of organisation that would allow them to focus on taking out Anankos, Shenmei and Mikoto discussed their children's troubles with others in-depth (Mikoto didn't know he was being bullied, she just thought he had troubles with making friends) and decided to bring them along for the next meeting, in the hopes that they would be able to bond with each other. -So they did. It took a bit of time (and a lot of nudging from their parents) to get past a few issues like the age gap (Azura was six and Kamui was four at the time) and their mutual shyness and hesitance, but they eventually hit it off really well and became very close friends (I was going to say best friends, but they were each other's only friends so...). -Azura is the reason Kamui doesn't wear shoes most of the time (he wears boots when he has to fight). -This went on for some time until it was time for a diplomatic meeting in Chevalier, in which Nohr and Hoshido were to formally sign a Peace Treaty. Well, we all know what happens here, nothing much to say on what went down until I talk about Garon and Shenmei. -After Einherjar!Garon pulled all his forces from Chevalier, he sent Mikoto a letter stating that he had aligned himself with Anankos, that both Sumeragi and Kamui had been killed and that, if she didn't try and muster any resistance against Anankos, that she would be spared. Mikoto didn't believe him at first and had allies from Kouga bring Azura to Hoshido and demand he return Kamui (in reality, she would've taken Kamui and refused to hand Azura back over). However, Einherjar!Garon refused to reply and after six years with no sight or evidence that Kamui was still alive, the Hoshidans concluded that Kamui was dead (there were eye witnesses to Sumeragi's death). -In reality, Kamui had been taken to the Northern Fortress (the Nohrian equivalent of Area 51 in terms of elusiveness). The reason that no ninja ever found Kamui there was because the Northern Fortress is a very well kept secret, with only a dozen of the most loyal Generals and Nobles knowing of it's existence and only the Royal Family knowing of it's exact location (people who go there are knocked out and then have there memories of it suppressed when leaving). -All of Kamui's past memories were suppressed (by which I mean still in his subconscious mind, but there's a sort of 'barrier' that prevents him from recalling them until the 'barrier' is weakened or 'broken', hence why his personality and skills remain intact. Dabbles in memory erasure have all ended in brain death. This is also how he forgets about Silas). Einherjar!Garon then told him that he was a child of his, but refrained from giving him any details beyond that until latter. -He got a more complete story when Xander and Camilla were present; Garon fell in love with a woman who had migrated from Nohr to Hoshido (the first to do so) during the days when Nohr and Hoshido were working towards a Peace Treaty. However, he kept the relationship secret in order to prevent her from being targeted by the Cult of Askosis (to them, Hoshidans are the ultimate enemy). She resided in the Northern Fortress after she and Garon began a relationship. However, the Cult poisoned a shipment of water (one that was being delivered to the Northern Fortress) with a poison distilled from the Great Blight, which resulted in the deaths of everyone within except Kamui (he went as far to have the scribes alter the records to include this story, and then executed them so they couldn't speak of it) due to the Royal Family having an innate resistance to Dark Magic. However, as a side-effect from the absurdly high amounts of Dark Magic, he was placed in a coma for two years and lost all his memories, excusing it with Dark Magic being a mysterious thing of which Nohr still has much to learn about. -He told his children that Kamui's name was Janus, and ordered Gunther to teach him how to fight. -Due to his friendship with Jakob, Felicia and Flora (albeit mostly one-sided in Flora's case),, he took an interest in domestic chores and eventually picked it up as a hobby, finding simple pleasure in the tasks. He knows how to clean and do laundry (although Jakob rarely lets him get away with it), he can sew (nothing fancy, mostly just patchwork and clothing repair and he often gets back pains from bending over in his chair to see what he's doing) and can cook (he's an excellent baker, but pretty average at everything else). -He was subject to some rather...unfortunate remarks by some of the 'manlier' staff of the Northern Fortress. His interest in domestic duties and effeminate appearance (not as bad as when he was a kid, but he's definitely still a 'pretty boy') as well as the fact that (while Einherjar!Garon wasn't abusive and Operation Tears wasn't a thing) he was Garon's least favourite child made them think he was free game. Gunther had them kicked out and put on duty at the Infinite Chasm, but the whole incident was enough to convince Kamui to keep his hobby a secret. -Gunther is his father figure, but that's par for the course. -He's suffered some pretty major injuries during his training. This first one is a part of balancing him as a fighter compared to his siblings, while the second one has some abusive undertones as a hint that something isn't right with Garon in-universe. The first was a freak accident while practicing hand-to-hand combat that resulted in the mother of all knee injuries (dislocated patella, all four ligaments torn, bone fragments damaging his muscles ETC). All of the crippling damage was healed with magic, but since healing magic is very scarce in Nohr and even the real Garon himself had it rationed, they slapped a knee brace on him (which he still wears) instead of healing his wounds completely. The second occurred when Gunther was called up to Castle Krakenburg to train some new Palace Guards and General Manhart was sent to replace him who had a very nasty reputation as a trainer, to the point where he was almost killed one one of his trainees was broken by his abuse and attacked him (if you get the shout-out, you have good taste in movies). He overworked Kamui so badly that he collapsed during knife practice, when he was trying to intercept a thrust that hit him in the eye instead of the chest after he collapsed. This ended with him undergoing an enucleation surgery and Manhart being smuggled to the Infinite Chasm before Camilla could murder him. -The constant staring bothered him deeply, so he grew his hair out to cover the bandage over his eye. -His Nohrian siblings think he's depressed. While his quietness and general discomfort when interacting with others have more to do with social anxiety than depression, his draconic heritage (more on that latter) induces other behaviours such as lethargy, oversleep and low appetite that are warning signs for depression. [spoiler=Draconic Heritage] Reptile: -Endothermic, his body cannot regulate it's own temperature. -Good hearing -Slow metabolism. He eats breakfast, dinner and nothing else. Snake: -Terrible eyesight, although adrenaline and stress can constrict blood vessels in the eyes, improving his vision for a while. -Has terrific sense of smell, but does so by collecting moisture particles from the air with his tongue. -Can sense thermal radiation emitted from living organisms. Saltwater Crocodile: -Very lethargic. Although he is capable of bursts of activity (mostly used for training and fights), his movements on a day-to-day basis are very sluggish and he doesn't have a lot of energy. He also oversleeps frequently like any other Manakete. -Can see underwater [spoiler=Fighting Style] Class: Lodestar Asset: Skill Flaw: Magic Weapon of Choice: Rapier Pros: -Lightning Bruiser: His speed isn't quite as good as his strength or defense and he can't take a hit from magic as well as he can a magical one, but his physical attributes are very good with no real weakness -Skillful: Very skilled with his weapon of choice. If there is an opening or weakness, he will exploit it long before his opponent can recover and his own technique is almost flawless -Dragon's Vein: He has the unique ability to use every element (fire, water, wind, earth, light and dark) with equal power, whereas his siblings and Azura have an affinity for one element -Yato: The Yato is a very powerful weapon, capable of piercing the armour of Generals with little resistance Cons: Clubber Lang Syndrome- While he always starts strong, his performance worsens quickly over time. He loses all energy very quickly, his injured knee will start to ache badly and his eyes will become irritated from the decreased blood flow. If he cannot end a fight quickly, his chances of winning decrease dramatically. Less Versatile Fighting-Style: While rapiers are perfectly capable of giving some very nasty cuts, thrust attacks are his only reliable killing move. While his technique is nearly flawless, if he cannot find an opening for a thrust quickly it's very easy for an opponent to stall until Clubber Lang Syndrome catches up with him. Too Much Versatility: Conversely, being able to use every element of Dragon's Vein has prevented him from mastering any of them, whereas his siblings and Azura had a very in-depth mastery of their affinity. Rapier-Form: I have a headcanon that the Yato changes it's form to suit the wielders fighting style so that they don't have to unlearn any habits or techniques. Because of this, while it is perfectly capable of piercing almost anything, the Yato in the hands of Kamui doesn't cut any better than a normal rapier, further increasing his reliance on thrusts to end fights. Hard Counter- Azura. Her lance is a magic weapon, so he cannot take as many hits as he could if it was a physical weapon. She has enough of a reach advantage that it's easy for her to wall him out, she's faster than him, so she can disengage very easily if he gets too close and as a dancer she's very fit, so she has more than enough energy to outlast him. [spoiler=Personality] -Just gonna repost what I said earlier. -Continuing the trend of subverting the charismatic, beloved-lord type of hero, I was thinking of Kamui being very shy, quiet, not good at interacting with others and a bit of a doormat i.e. he has no problems being assertive for important matters, but is very easily walked over on a day-to-day basis. -As a result of growing up with only a select group of people to spend time with, all of whom are very understanding of his strange habits being a result of his draconic heritage, he isn't very good at keeping them in-check around people who would take them the wrong way, so he comes of as extremely weird. -Most of his character development is based around becoming less hopelessly optimistic and becoming less of a doormat, although he still remains quiet and bashful. Sorry about the wall of text by the way... Edited January 11, 2016 by Phillius Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ebony Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 Heh. It's funny because Shenmei's class is Strategist. That's a pretty cool idea, but I personally feel compelled to continue with the calm, peaceful ruler. If only because she definitely fits the Yamato Nadeshiko archetype. [spoiler=Mikoto and Shenmei] They're also not related in my rewrite and it's only, like, 99.99% because I'm a massive Kamui/Azura fanboy. They are best friends though, with Shenmei being the Queen and current bearer of Anankos' pendant and Mikoto being the High Priest of Touma's religion (religion was pretty big in Touma, considering that you could literally walk up to the physical manifestation of God's will and give him a handshake if you were so inclined). It's fine. I do wanna reply to this though - yeah, I planned on her relaxing with age, tempering that fire with wisdom. I just love the idea of seemingly gentle woman having been hot blooded/badass. Still retaining shades of it. I am still planning out my "main characters" basically. Debating who I should give more screentime - I'm thinking on (regrettably) fusing some characters, or rather combining them. I'm debating on doing it with Nishiki and Flannel. I love them both and I'd love to use them but I'm thinking if that'd be too much unless I killed one off. muh wargs need more screentime Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NekoKnight Posted January 18, 2016 Author Share Posted January 18, 2016 There is nothing wrong with merging characters. A single character with a specific role in the story is going to be better than two characters who share the same role (I'd say Felicia is made redundant by having Flora and Joker in the picture, for example). Although you should endeavor to have as many fluffy tails as possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Time the Crestfallen Posted January 18, 2016 Share Posted January 18, 2016 (edited) That's what the accessory shop if for! Edited January 18, 2016 by Phillius Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ebony Posted January 18, 2016 Share Posted January 18, 2016 There is nothing wrong with merging characters. A single character with a specific role in the story is going to be better than two characters who share the same role (I'd say Felicia is made redundant by having Flora and Joker in the picture, for example). Although you should endeavor to have as many fluffy tails as possible. Yeah I already rid of Felicia. And I probably should. Floof tails are too good for this world, too pure. The only characters I can think of combining are probably some of the assistants (Belka and Luna combine) or something else (Charlotte and Benoit.) Belka and Luna would probably combine into Luna Fuck Pieri tbh, I'm putting Nacht in to replace her so it'll be Laz and Nacht Orochi and Tsukuyomi would possibly combine to create a tempered, stable (if a bit trollish) boy who worked for Mikoto, or otherwise eliminated entirely Kagerou and Saizou may be combined Silas... I don't care much for him and I forget he exists so idk I may change Hinoka's assistant entirely to Suzukaze if needed Charlotte and Benoit I'm debating since I like both of them, if I do all of the above I'll keep them separate most likely Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alazen Posted January 18, 2016 Share Posted January 18, 2016 I'm still up for merging Hinoka with Ryoma. I also would split Aqua between a Maid, Lillith, and Joker. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ebony Posted January 18, 2016 Share Posted January 18, 2016 I'm still up for merging Hinoka with Ryoma. I also would split Aqua between a Maid, Lillith, and Joker. I'm keeping the royals the same. Aqua's been dead for a while like I said earlier - she's also Kamui's sister. Kamui is Shenmei's kid rather then Mikoto's. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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