Dragoncat Posted April 9, 2019 Share Posted April 9, 2019 (edited) A discord server I'm in has a debate over whether pizza counts as a sandwich or not, and today I wrote this masterpiece of prose that deserves a shitpost. Quote Lady Pizza was the rebellous princess, she didn't want to attend the Pepperoni Council, thinking it was boring So she would venture out And she met Lord Sandwich one day, who was also skimping on royal duties, running from the court case in which Bob Mayonnaise was suing Steve Miracle Whip The reason for the suing has been lost to history Pizza and Sandwich discovered they had so much in common They both had cheese, meat, and crust So they would continue sneaking out as they grew from teens to adults, but alas, their kingdoms were at war Forbidden love Edited April 9, 2019 by Dragoncat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acacia Sgt Posted April 9, 2019 Share Posted April 9, 2019 (edited) Is there a DLC third route? Why is there even a debate. It if ain't something between two bread pieces, it's not a sandwich. Unless it's a torta, but that's if we're talking about a bolillo/telera/birote/etc. Separate pieces, otherwise it's probably an empanada. Though if it's corn bread, it's actually an arepa. Or then... Edited April 9, 2019 by Acacia Sgt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonymousSpeed Posted April 9, 2019 Share Posted April 9, 2019 "Meat, Cheese, Crust" Peanut Butter and Jelly with the Crusts Cut Off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragoncat Posted April 9, 2019 Author Share Posted April 9, 2019 14 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said: "Meat, Cheese, Crust" Peanut Butter and Jelly with the Crusts Cut Off. Uncrustables are some crazy genetic experiment the Sandwich Kingdom created years ago to use in the war. Their numbers are steadily dwindling now because they're no longer useful. They're basically just a way for pizza parents to get their children to behave. "Behave or the uncrustables will eat you" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ertrick36 Posted April 9, 2019 Share Posted April 9, 2019 26 minutes ago, Acacia Sgt said: Is there a DLC third route? Yes, it's called Barbecue Pit Boys. They actually made a grilled pizza sandwich one time, I'm not even joking. 13 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said: "Meat, Cheese, Crust" Peanut Butter and Jelly with the Crusts Cut Off. PBJ is a false sandwich. Only BLTs are real. Everything else is a lie. Even- no, especially ice cream sandwiches. Anyway, I guess I have to bust this out again... Depending on your philosophy, a pop tart is a sandwich. If you're a radical sandwich anarchist, pizza can be considered a sandwich because it's technically sauce enveloped by cheese and bread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonymousSpeed Posted April 9, 2019 Share Posted April 9, 2019 7 minutes ago, Dragoncat said: Uncrustables are some crazy genetic experiment the Sandwich Kingdom created years ago to use in the war. Their numbers are steadily dwindling now because they're no longer useful. They're basically just a way for pizza parents to get their children to behave. "Behave or the uncrustables will eat you" I don't know were you get off promoting ethno-nationalism and negative stereotypes like that, but you ought to feel ashamed. A sandwich is not a tool for the state or a boogeyman for a fairy tale. 2 minutes ago, Ertrick36 said: PBJ is a false sandwich. Only BLTs are real. Everything else is a lie. Even- no, especially ice cream sandwiches. I personally consider ice cream sandwiches to be sandwiches, subs to sandwiches, and PB&J to be sandwiches. Pizza, though entitled to the same rights as all food, are simply not sandwiches, because the bread only contacts the toppings on a singular plane. A two layer cake is better called a frosting sandwich than a pizza is called a sandwich. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acacia Sgt Posted April 9, 2019 Share Posted April 9, 2019 I suppose it's up to anyone's wishes. This reminds me that years ago during high school, in one of those business fairs the school made, one stall sold pizza as a taco (as in, the cheese, tomato sauce, and pepperonni meat wrapped in a tortilla). I tried some, they were great... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ertrick36 Posted April 9, 2019 Share Posted April 9, 2019 2 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said: I personally consider ice cream sandwiches to be sandwiches, subs to sandwiches, and PB&J to be sandwiches. Pizza, though entitled to the same rights as all food, are simply not sandwiches, because the bread only contacts the toppings on a singular plane. A two layer cake is better called a frosting sandwich than a pizza is called a sandwich. So what you're saying is that you're a true neutral when it comes to sandwich ingredients and structure? Well, I'm at least glad this hasn't started a debate about what can or can't be considered a pizza. Because if anyone's gonna be putting out propaganda about the Chicago monstrosities that I'd be ashamed to call pizzas, I'd have no choice but to set them straight. As I so painstakingly detailed in this high quality cross section of a pizza, the order, from top to bottom, of pizza ingredients should always be: cheese, sauce, and crust. And to add to that, the crust will always curve up at the end to protect its softer brethren. The heathens in Chicago think the cheese and sauce parts can be flipped around, like some kind of hipster's food deconstruction restaurant. Look, you can eat all the yeast and flour you want, but don't you dare call a cheesy bowl of sauce a pizza because that is a curse against the pizza gods themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonymousSpeed Posted April 9, 2019 Share Posted April 9, 2019 Isn't crust-cheese-sauce a variant of authentic Sicilian pizza, though? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ertrick36 Posted April 9, 2019 Share Posted April 9, 2019 1 minute ago, AnonymousSpeed said: Isn't crust-cheese-sauce a variant of authentic Sicilian pizza, though? And a pop tart is a variant of authentic sandwiches. If they want to hide the goods with a blanket of bread and get their fingers all messy with sauce, that's on them. I'm not a Sicilian though, I'm an American who respects proper pizzas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonymousSpeed Posted April 9, 2019 Share Posted April 9, 2019 (edited) What about stuffed crust pizzas? Undeniably, they are pizzas. However, are they proper? Where do they fall in the BLT-Ice Cream spectrum? EDIT: Also a pop tart is technically a variant of turnover Edited April 9, 2019 by AnonymousSpeed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragoncat Posted April 9, 2019 Author Share Posted April 9, 2019 Lol this has become exactly what it was on discord. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawkwing Posted April 9, 2019 Share Posted April 9, 2019 So... what category does buttered toast fall into? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XRay Posted April 9, 2019 Share Posted April 9, 2019 I do not think there is a strict definition of food, so I guess I am a radical sandwich anarchist. Pizzas blur the line between sandwiches and non-sandwiches since they can be sandwiches depending on how you eat them. I picked the New York habit of folding your pizzas into a subway sandwich and eating it that way. If you fold your pizza, it is a sandwich. If you do not fold it, I guess it is a piece of bread with toppings or a flat sandwich. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Interdimensional Observer Posted April 11, 2019 Share Posted April 11, 2019 On 4/8/2019 at 9:02 PM, Acacia Sgt said: Though if it's corn bread, it's actually an arepa. Mozzarepas? Cornbread with mozzarella cheese melted and grilled in between it. I've had it twice as fair food, not sure if eating them means I won't live long enough to have a third, but they're good. On 4/8/2019 at 10:21 PM, Ertrick36 said: I'm not a Sicilian though, I'm an American who respects proper pizzas. Neither am I and Sicilians are still good pizzas, particularly the extra-crusty corners. I will agree to anti-Chicago alliance though. On 4/8/2019 at 9:47 PM, Acacia Sgt said: taco Tacos are the bomb. -Or so I heard. Apparently tacos began as makeshift bombs used in Mexican mines, made by simply wrapping gunpowder in paper. Later, the cooks for said miners wrapped food just as the miners would the gunpowder, which thus led to the miners naming the food after their daily utility item. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acacia Sgt Posted April 11, 2019 Share Posted April 11, 2019 14 minutes ago, Interdimensional Observer said: Mozzarepas? Cornbread with mozzarella cheese melted and grilled in between it. I've had it twice as fair food, not sure if eating them means I won't live long enough to have a third, but they're good. Tacos are the bomb. -Or so I heard. Apparently tacos began as makeshift bombs used in Mexican mines, made by simply wrapping gunpowder in paper. Later, the cooks for said miners wrapped food just as the miners would the gunpowder, which thus led to the miners naming the food after their daily utility item. Well, there are many kinds of arepas. You'd probably get more detailed explanations from someone of northwest South America (Colombia and Venezuela). Don't know where you heard/read that, but... tacos are much older than that. From before when the Spanish arrived. The idea to wrap meat, or anything really, with a tortilla is a very old one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Interdimensional Observer Posted April 11, 2019 Share Posted April 11, 2019 1 minute ago, Acacia Sgt said: Don't know where you heard/read that, but... tacos are much older than that. From before when the Spanish arrived. The idea to wrap meat, or anything really, with a tortilla is a very old one. My mistake then. It applies at least to the word "taco", maybe? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acacia Sgt Posted April 11, 2019 Share Posted April 11, 2019 6 minutes ago, Interdimensional Observer said: My mistake then. It applies at least to the word "taco", maybe? Who knows. I've never heard that story before. It doesn't look like there's a definite answer to that one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonymousSpeed Posted April 11, 2019 Share Posted April 11, 2019 On 4/8/2019 at 10:46 PM, Hawkwing said: So... what category does buttered toast fall into? Not a sandwich, not a flatbread. It's just toast. I've never had a Chicago style pizza, so I'm personally indifferent, but I knew a guy from Chicago in high school and will fight for his honor here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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