whase Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 all feedback here please :) link to story: http://serenesforest.net/forums/index.php?showtopic=18672 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shuuda Posted January 25, 2010 Share Posted January 25, 2010 This topic had been moved to the correct area of the forum. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whase Posted January 25, 2010 Author Share Posted January 25, 2010 Oops XD thanks for correcting me :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ansem Posted January 26, 2010 Share Posted January 26, 2010 Double post? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whase Posted January 26, 2010 Author Share Posted January 26, 2010 Double post? what, where? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BK-201 Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 Hmm... Your character needs a much better background, no reader can relate to your character really making his appeal weak. Alongside that is the fact that he is a Sue, can you be more blatantly obvious about a character being a Sue then calling him the "soldier of all hopes"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whase Posted February 17, 2010 Author Share Posted February 17, 2010 Hmm... Your character needs a much better background, no reader can relate to your character really making his appeal weak. Alongside that is the fact that he is a Sue, can you be more blatantly obvious about a character being a Sue then calling him the "soldier of all hopes"? I'm working on his background, I'm planning on showing it piece by piece in chapters still coming. but yes indeed, I'm bad at making personalities. I just sometimes have a good idea for a story, my problem is that I don't know how to work futher with that idea... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BK-201 Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 Give the character a little history and why he's known as that. It'll help a lot. The fate of the world doesn't rest in a single's hands, it rests in everyone's hands. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoenix Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 Great story so far. Some tiny issues: Typos (Like weeds, only they get into text) Also the story is very much like Fire Emblem, with the Hero's journey, and the inexplicable gathering of allies, but the chapters are so short, that everything seems to be happening really fast. You story seems extremely condensed. Other than that and Alan's genericness, great read. :) Also, what does Angie look like? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whase Posted February 18, 2010 Author Share Posted February 18, 2010 Great story so far. Some tiny issues: Typos (Like weeds, only they get into text) Also the story is very much like Fire Emblem, with the Hero's journey, and the inexplicable gathering of allies, but the chapters are so short, that everything seems to be happening really fast. You story seems extremely condensed. Other than that and Alan's genericness, great read. :) Also, what does Angie look like? thanks, I'll try to make the next chapters longer :) already working on Alan Alan's picture is in my avatar, I've been thinking about making more characterspictures, but I'm having trouble with Kune, because he's laguz. maybe I should just skip him and continue with Angie and Blade... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoenix Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 thanks, I'll try to make the next chapters longer :) already working on Alan Alan's picture is in my avatar, I've been thinking about making more characterspictures, but I'm having trouble with Kune, because he's laguz. maybe I should just skip him and continue with Angie and Blade... Might be able to help you out with that... With the majority of the characters for the Six Seals done, I'm a free agent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whase Posted February 18, 2010 Author Share Posted February 18, 2010 Might be able to help you out with that... With the majority of the characters for the Six Seals done, I'm a free agent. you mean as in helping with Kune's sprite? I'd be really happy with that but I think I'll have to give massive spoilers if I'd tell you what I needed... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoenix Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 you mean as in helping with Kune's sprite? I'd be really happy with that but I think I'll have to give massive spoilers if I'd tell you what I needed... Well I only do FE9 and FE10 styles because somehow those are easier for me ... don't ask.... Here, take a look at some of these and tell me if you think I might be able to give you a hand with Kune.... My FE9 and FE10 stuff Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whase Posted February 18, 2010 Author Share Posted February 18, 2010 it's perfect! this is exactly what kind of picture I need for Kune! I'll send you a message with personal stuff about Kune thanks for doing this for me! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whase Posted February 18, 2010 Author Share Posted February 18, 2010 also, I just uploaded a new chapter. I made it last week, but was still working on the map, which still failed anyway. I'll try to make the next chapter more detailed! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whase Posted February 19, 2010 Author Share Posted February 19, 2010 for all of you who are interrested, I have placed mugshots of Alan, Angie and Blade on my "about me" page. just take a look and tell me how bad they are (really bad...) more bad pictures on their way... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoenix Posted February 19, 2010 Share Posted February 19, 2010 for all of you who are interrested, I have placed mugshots of Alan, Angie and Blade on my "about me" page. just take a look and tell me how bad they are (really bad...) more bad pictures on their way... Except for kune *muhahahahahahhhh* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whase Posted February 19, 2010 Author Share Posted February 19, 2010 Except for kune *muhahahahahahhhh* agreed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoenix Posted March 20, 2010 Share Posted March 20, 2010 Neasala to the rescue lol Maybe I should tell Xanatha about the story Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whase Posted March 20, 2010 Author Share Posted March 20, 2010 Neasala to the rescue lol Maybe I should tell Xanatha about the story I'd love it if you'd do that, the more souls, the more fun (or however you say that in English) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoenix Posted March 21, 2010 Share Posted March 21, 2010 I'd love it if you'd do that, the more souls, the more fun (or however you say that in English) I think it's "The more the merrier". But that phrase is dead.... Anyway I should probably throw together an ad campaign. The rp section's been suffering a bit lately(always ) and could use some more visitors. I'll get back with you when I come up with an idea. In the mean time, keep the chapters coming :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whase Posted March 30, 2010 Author Share Posted March 30, 2010 phew, writing those chapters is quite time consuming. especially considering English isn't my first language. I think I'll write a few more chapters (I think 3 or something) before taking a few months of to concentrate on other things. (like the 2 other stories I'm writing, non FE-related. these have been suffering since I've started this fanfic) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoenix Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 phew, writing those chapters is quite time consuming. especially considering English isn't my first language. I think I'll write a few more chapters (I think 3 or something) before taking a few months of to concentrate on other things. (like the 2 other stories I'm writing, non FE-related. these have been suffering since I've started this fanfic) Read through any two chapters of the six seals and you will be astonished that my fingers still work Also, Raven and Hawk. I was confused at first and then I read it again and laughed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whase Posted March 30, 2010 Author Share Posted March 30, 2010 Read through any two chapters of the six seals and you will be astonished that my fingers still work man, how many centuries did it take you to write that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riariadne Posted April 21, 2010 Share Posted April 21, 2010 I have 2 major things to say about this. The first is the maps. While they aren't the best maps ever, they really don't need to be, and I find them very helpful to have a general idea of where the heck things are going on. Second is that the characters need some more development, and its kinda hard to get to know them in a sense without any more detail. Otherwise things are pretty good, although you could probably work on the grammar a bit, but nobody really cares too much about that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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