Saint Rubenio

Part 39.5 - Preparations. Small update now. I want to get the preparations out of the way, as well as talk a little about the most important people of the LP. This is your excuse for today? "I'm preparing so I'll just... sort of do nothing for the rest of the day!"? Why, you little... What? It's the truth. It's not the truth! Today there'll be a normal update. Mark my-- Actually, scratch that, don't mark 'em. But it'll happen! ... Anyway. Oh wait, I especifically mentioned the Bond Drop. Uhhh... I never did change anything in the prepscreen! Yeah! What have you got to say now?! I know it's far too late for this kind of stuff, but... THE FE12 IRONMAN LP DRINKING GAME Materials needed: 6 bottles of alcohol. [1][2] A small glass, of approx. 200ml. [1] On average, per update. [2] Vodka is prefered, but beer or wine may be used depending on your tolerance. Da Rools: Take a shot every time you see a bad level. That is all. 99% of test subjects pass out before 50 screencaps. The most I've ever drank is half a beer. Yeah. I think soda would work for one such as I.

Welcome! Today, in Let's Play Super Mario 64 DS, we will explore the snowy peaks in our search for stars. I'll just somersault my way to the castle... Ah, excellent. Now, what was the door again... There we are. Urk! ...looks like I made it... now, where's Ruben? Jeez, it sure is cold up here. But we've work to do. There you are, Ruben. Without further ado, let's just dive right in to the slide. We'll be beating that penguin in a race! Ruben! Let's go! I will be the new champion of this mountain! Is he deaf? No... he's in denial. Mm. How could I snap him out of it... Oh, of course... LORD GOTOH! HOW GOOD OF YOU TO COME! RARGH! Unh. Oh, well. Too bad. We fell. I'll try that again! OH HEY, IF IT ISN'T MALICIA! STILL WANTING TO GET INTO MARTH'S PANTS? GOD DAM-- Third time's the charm, as they say! We don't make mistakes. We just have happy little accidents... EST! WHERE'S ABEL? WHY, OF COURSE! YOU RUINED HIS LIFE! BUT THAT'S ALL RIGHT, I'M GLAD YOU STILL EXIST! Again! AGAIN! ...I didn't want to do this, but... PRETZ-- UAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ... ...why? How did you even get here? I thought by warping away I would finally get some rest. Lord Frost was quite surprised when you took the staff out of his hands. We were lucky you dropped it before going away. I was wondering where I'd left it. But that doesn't explain why you are here. Isn't it obvious? I'm here to bring you back. Don't make me laugh. I'm a failure of a tactician. Archanea will be better off without me. All those deaths... I am to blame for them. I killed all those people with my incompetence. Matthis... Yumina... Cecille, Frey, Arran, Cain, Roger, Robert, Dice... For what little it's worth, I believe in you. You guys are strong. You can save Archanea. I'll only be holding you back... No, Ruben. Don't you understand? We can't win without somebody to devise a proper battle plan. We're all fighters. At most, we can think up a basic strategy for ourselves, but leading an army? None of us can do that. Neither can I. What is your point? ...look. Many would've given up by now. You're a laughing stock, or that's what you think. You've lost countless men. Your strategies fail all the time, and if they succeed, it's only out of sheer luck. ...if you only came here just to tell me that... But you didn't give up on us. No matter how men you'd lose, you'd always find a way. We've come this far thanks to you. This is war. Sad as it is, it would've been unrealistic to think we would all make it out alive. In war, you don't get second chances. ...and? You did as well as anybody would. Well, unless those people had the power to go back in time or something. But then, why not just stop? Why not go so far back that the war would be avoidable? You've lost people, yes. But even so, you've brought us to the brink of victory. We need your guidance, just a little longer. ...I suppose that is true, but... And besides. You may not be the best tactician. But you're at least honest about it. Many would try to conceal their failures. Be remembered by history as geniuses. War heroes! You may be remembered as a bit of an incompetent fool, but... you know what? You'll be the incompetent fool who saved Archanea. Good enough, wouldn't you say? ...I'm still not throughoutly convinced. The army doesn't like me. Leiden is always trying to avoid me, Athena hates me, I don't think father Frost will like me after I mugged him... Nonsense. They all think you're fine. Flawed, but who isn't? They are all worried about you. Well, not Athena, but I'm pretty sure if you apologize and stop being so... forthcoming with her, she'll forgive you. ...perhaps... but... There's another reason I hurried here. As we were discussing how we would bring you back... somebody came in. He volunteered to be the new tactician. I bet anybody in the army could do a better job than me. The rest of us are smart enough to understand that we are no tacticians. But he was pretty confident in his chances. What is the problem, then? Why come this far to bring me back? When we asked why he was so confident, he said, and I quote: "my unwavering loyalty to Prince Marth shall allow me to destroy every enemy that gets in our way!". ...no... anyone but... Then he claimed he had to train his strategizing. See where I'm going with this? ...well... I still... don't think I am the most suitable individual for this, but... If I let Pretzel take control, I would never sleep well again, knowing I left you all in the hands of the stupidest man in all of Archanea. Very well. I'm going back. Thank Naga. When you left, we were forced to pull back. We could barely get Sir Matthis, Princess Yumina and Prince Marth out of there... You mean they're alive?! We feared for their lives, but yes, they're fine now. Matthis and Yumina are both too scared to go back into the battlefield, though... ...tell them this: I've got a plan that will ensure their survival. Please, trust me. It's certainly a better idea than to trust Pretzel! ...he's definitely back. I'm not sure if I should be happy, or... Sorry? Nothing. Stay still. Father Frost said the rescue staff would be ready any minute now. ... Well, that was cheesy. Part 39 - Redemption.

I have a bad feeling in my gut. Maybe you shouldn't have eaten so many cookies. Very funny. No, I have a bad feeling about today's battle. You have a bad feeling about every battle. Well, we all do. I'm sorry, but he's right. ...well, I can't say I haven't doubted you a couple of times... You vill lead us all to our doom. You've used the wrong word, again. Shall I correct that? You vant to be the first to die? ... That is vhat I thought. ...yes... That is NOT vhat I thought! Disgusting manchild... ... Part 38 - The little tactician that couldn't. Brace yourselves... I have a feeling today's update will be quite intense. Shut up, Rody. Only I am allowed to speak to the audience.

The end draws near. Yes... at last, we will be able to return home. And I haven't found a cute lady... such a shame. At least both you and your old friend are still alive. Our group will never be the same without Robert... All of us have lost people. What we have to do now is ensure that their sacrifices are not in vain. Yes, indeed... Dear God... What is it? They have unleashed quite the obstacle on us. What is it? It's... Part 37 - A filler chapter! ...I don't get how that's so bad. Hush, Luke. I've got to reply to the followers.

Ruben, look! The scary people gave me this! Uhh, cookies! They look tasty. Yeah, those guys weren't so bad after all. Well, enjoy them. Do you think if I gave them to a cute girl, she'll-- No. Don't even try. ... Whatever, we should discuss the battle plans now. May I have one of those? Of course! You too, Sir Leiden! Thank you.. I suppose I picked a good moment to pass by. Hey, we need to discuss-- We've never had any battle plans at all. You just go in and pray nobody dies. Why, you... ... Ah, screw it. I can't think of any counter-argument. May I please have a cookie? Sure! There you go! ... Part 36 - The mystery of the devil axe. Well, looks like I'll be doing the Archanea Chronicles. Also, I can relate, Dayni. As I said, the only one I beat was the Nyna one (well, not the one with Camus, the one with Boah, I assume you refer to that one), and, well, suffice to say I could only keep Tomas and Boah alive along with Nyna. This'll be... interesting, to say the least. Also, I appreciate that you guys are concerned about me and don't want to push me. I really do. I still shall keep this speed up until the end of the game, though. We're much too close to change things up randomly.

Gaaah! Noooo! Don't come any closer! Ruben! Defend meeeeeee! Ack! Stop clinging to me like a scared child! B-but I am a scared child! How many times must I tell you, stop being scared of Father Frost! He's a good man! He'd never hurt you! B-b-b-b-b-but he said he would! Both of them did! What...? Both? GUAAAAARGH! THEY'VE FOUND ME! YAAAAAAAARGH! Who's-- ... Ooooooooh! We're going to keep staring at you maaaaadlyyyyy! Yes, indeeeeeed! Boooooooooo! ...seriously? I'm sorry, but... for us old fellows, it's always nice to feel young again, you know? I haven't laughed that much in ages. ...by scaring a dumb kid? Hohoho, indeed. But we didn't mean any harm. We'll apologise to that poor child later. Jeez, this is such a madhouse. And I am its proprietor! Well, you've got to admit, those stares are quite unsettling. Unnnh... Part 35 - The orphanage of DOOM. Okay, good news and bad news. Tomorrow, I've another driving exam. That's the bad news, which are really only bad for me. The good news is, after this, I won't have to go to the driving school twice a day, resulting in this incredibly bizarre update schedule that goes like: "shit I gotta go to the driving school, crap it's very late I won't be able to finish this before having to eat, bollocks driving school again, jeez now I don't feel like writing" and then the update finally comes out at one in the morning, if at all. Maybe I'll finally be able to start updating at morning consistently. Somehow, I doubt it, though. Today, I've one question for you all. Since we're approaching the endgame, please let me know: how would you like it if I played the Archanea Chronicles and the DLC chapters? If so, I think I would do them the usual "reset after death" way, because since they're separate chapters, it would be way to easy for me to just keep on moving if I lost anyone. And we're here to watch me fail, aren't we? Please, do tell me what you think. I would very much like to do that. On the one hand, I've never gotten around to playing them seriously (the only one I've beaten is the one with Boah and Nyna, and, well, that wasn't pretty), and on the other hand, it would delay the end of this LP, and that would be... good, I guess? Now, before we begin. Replies.

What power, exactly? Why, you little-- how dare you disrespect a good man so? But he is right. My power is nothing compared to that of Khadein's Sages and Sorcerers. But, Father Frost, there was no need to be so snarky about it. Perhaps, but... I'm just a humble grandfather who wishes to do his best for his family. I do not seek to impress anybody. My only objective is to help as much as I can, to make up to you and Prince Marth for liberating my homeland. Even if it's just a little... Nonsense. You're being very helpful. Thank you, Sir Ruben. I appreciate it. Shouldn't you two be in the battlefield, though? We're still fighting the Emperor. That much is true. Sir Frost... Of course. I'm heading back. Good luck to you. J-J-Jikes... ack! Don't come any closer! I'm armed and ready to defend myself! ... Okay, now you're really mad... I should... I shouldn't have peed myself, probably... Damnit, Luke, why you little... Part 34 - The fall of the mad tyrant. Ah, the irony. If only I knew that he'd become my best man... Frost isn't quite as good as Etzel, but I'm biased, so he's amazing too. You know what would be great? A Xane-like character that could take the form of any deceased unit. I would field him every day. Etzel! One that is bigger than Pretzel's! At least we can agree, here. I've never read Frost's supports, or used him, or played FE12 at all, so I don't feel any remorse for making fun of him! Wait, wait, what? You haven't played FE12? What are you doing here, then? I said I intended this playthough for people who knew about the game! I spoiled the prologue's big twist in day one! Still, don't you dare leave. I love your replies, they're always an entertaining read, and rather long too! Now seriously, try it. The story may not be the best, but it makes up by being an incredibly fun FE. And it has Frost in it! Just... don't name the Avatar after yourself. You'll want to find a mirror to punch, retrieve the shards, and cut your own throat before chapter 1. :Hugs harder: I can't think of anything to say to this, neither snarky nor nice, sooo here have a Sedgar. Nah, just joking :hardens hug in return: Oh God, that sounded awful. I should probably go back and word it differently etc etc spanish stereotypes. Ah, I'm sorry man, you'll have to ask somebody else, I'm afraid. Firstly, I don't have Awakening. I do have a 3DS, but I've never gotten a 3DS Fire Emblem, and recording there would be really inconvenient. As of emulating, well, I tried to play Star Fox 64 3D on Citra and the game got stuck "creating save file". Maybe it's something really easy (hence why nobody in the entirety of google had that problem), but I couldn't figure out how to fix the issue. And even if I did have Awakening, I start college in a couple weeks. It would be really awkward to do an LP in the middle of my first year. LPing takes a surprising amount of time. If I do another LP (and I would like to, I'm having a blast so far), it would most likely be one of the GBA games. Not just because I love FE6 and like FE8 quite a bit as well (FE7 doesn't exist, you can't prove its existance. Well, can you?), but because I wouldn't have to do any cropping, which is very time consuming. So yeah, I'm afraid you'll have to ask someone else. That's probably for the best, though. Maybe then, you'll see an actually professional run, instead of a craptastic stream of failure, pain and blood. And questionable sense of humour. Uhhhhh Hardin was talking about Marth. Hence, the usage of "having fallen to the gutters" instead of "has always been below the gutters".

Damnit, guys! You failed to notice the irony in my exchange with Frost! As punishment, no opening dialogue today! You just have no ideas, do you? Shut it, Rody! I am not even using my avatar! We can't talk! Avatar? What are you talking about? Well, uh... how do I explain... Is it like when I go to a girl and pretend to be someone I am not to entertain her so she-- Enough! Enough... but... huh. That's... surprisingly accurate, leaving aside the last part. ...I can't say I understand, but we've more pressing matters to attend to. Indeed. We can't lose now, can we? Let us move! Today, Hardin falls! Today! Are you sure it'll be today, though? Yes! The end of Hardin's reign will most certainly take place today! Very well. I pray for everybody's safety. Part 33 - The beginning of Hardin's end. Exactly. Between the two you got it right, so give me your addresses and I'll send half a cookie to each of you.

A-A-AHHH! R-Ruben! Help! I-- Luke! What's wrong with you!? We're in the middle of a battle! Th-there's a veeeeery scary man here, he wants to speak to you! Scary? What do you mean? And does he not know we're in the middle of a battle? H-he says he comes from the battlefield! What?! Tell him to come in! Good evening. Ah, hello, Sir Frost. We'll move out again soon, so please, be quick. Of course. Worry not, It'll only take me a minute. All right. What is it? I'd like you to send this letter for me. I trust you've the means to do that. It can wait until after this battle, if you're too busy... Hmm, indeed I am... I'll take care of it, if you don't mind. Yes, that would be most convenient. Very well, thank you. Well, I think I'll go back to the rearguard now. I hope my power is being of use to you, Sir Ruben. It very much is. Be safe, Sir Frost. Your family would be sorrowful if you were to fall in battle. I'm waiting for someone to point out the ironry in this whole exchange. Don't leave me hanging, guys. Ah! N-no! Don't hurt me! Hurt you? But why would I hurt a nice boy like you? Don't mind that guy... he's... not very smart, to say the least. Well, if you say so... in any case, I think it's about time I head back. I'll see you after the battle. ...not very smart...? Part 32 - In which everything went wrong - part 2. I just realised how weird the title is. It's like that one chapter in FE7 that's a side quest of a side quest, chapter 19x part 2. Yeah, the base arena is more or less required to use all of these guys, except for Frost who can heal just fine without any help. I regret being so harsh when I reviewed him, he's more usable than I thought he would, even after missing a chapter. He's certainly better than the Wolfguard. Staves is quite good, and even though Katarina does outclass him badly, he has some uses. Uhhh, interesting! Conflicting wagers! Let's find out who's wronger.

We've arrived at Pales. Hardin and his elite will soon be upon us. Mm. Yeah, that is, indeed, what is happening. I wonder how many people will die because of your faulty strategies. Nobody. We'll all survive this battle. I find that hard to believe. Shut your trap. This is a serious moment. I suppose... Then shut it, sit down, and watch as I defeat Hardin without losing a single man. But what of the women? The women are my most powerful combatants not counting Matthis. There's no need to worry about them. Poor Athena, she's so screwed... Hush, Luke. It begins. I'll say a prayer for everybody's safety. Part 32 - In which everything goes wrong - part 1. The following content may be disturbing to efficient players and hoarders. Viewer discretion is advised.

... ... ... ... ...very well. Thank you for accompanying me in this minute of silence for all the dead. May their souls rest in peace. I'm sorry, Cecille... Linde was too cute to die... ... Part 31 - The way of the Sniper. Whoa, it looks like Etzel's death made you guys feel a lot more talkative than usual. This is the update with the most replies of the entire LP. Maybe I'll have to ensure this happens more often... Ruben... I was joking. What, do you really think I wanted to lose one of my favourite units? If only... if only. I agree, but our team's pretty full as it is, and... quite honestly, Frost has worse bases and growths than Pretzel. I love him as well, but I don't think I could make him work. That said, I have a little idea that might be a decent alternative. You'll see. Also, that nickname sucks. "Tasty" is a positive quality, and this is Pretzel we're talking about. There's nothing good about Pretzel. Perfect. That's what I was thinking, too. Not to mention, Etzel's stats and level are quite high. Even after missing these chapters, he'll be quite useful. Overall, he just seems like the best choice right now. I just have to make sure Yumina stays alive, and Etzel will be back with us in no time. And with the 2 Nosferatu tomes we've gotten recently, it should be an easy task. You silly goose. Then again, you ARE Serra, after all. Just joking, I love you for replying.

Good evening, everybody. What do you think of my new hairstyle? It's astonishingly easy to take care of. That probably is true, you look like you haven't combed your hair in years. Do you think you could have a haircut like mine? Perhaps, but not today, I'm afraid. But... he just... It's Wrys. Don't question him. I guess... Part 30 - Daughter of half of the bosses of Fire Emblem 1. So. Serenesforest decided that ctr + z means that I want to delete half the update instead of just the last line of text. Soooooooo yeah. I've been all day trying to push this update, so try to enjoy it. If only a little bit.

Today, we face Katarina once more. Yeah... call me mad, but... it'll be great to see her again. I do not believe she was lying back then. She seemed so sincere. Sigh. If only Cecille was still with us... Come, now. Don't feel so down. I'll try to spare her. That's what I'm worried about. After Sir Abel, I don't really think you're reliable enough when it comes to saving people in need. Perhaps, but I am very reliable when it comes to murdering people. Not now, Ruben. Focus on the battlefield. Even YOU are serious now? Well. I think I better try my best, then. I pray for your success. Thanks, Wrys. Don't worry about it. Go, and save that poor, helpless soul. Part 29 - The traitor's last stand.

... ... What's going on, Ruben? Oh, nothing, I'm just trying to comprehend how the hell did Matthis become so strong. And? I don't think even Einstein would've figured it out, considering his average growths even with the Drop, but either way, I'm glad it happened. But most importantly, I'm glad I didn't use you! Hah hah hah! ... Part 28 - Master plan.

Hey, Robert! Huh? You used to be a Horseman. That I was. Why? Did you ever raid any villages? No... why would I? I strive to protect the powerless. Horsemen usually are not the kind of people to destroy a village full of innocent people. Hmm. I can't understand... Oh, well. We've more important matters to attend to. Maybe I'll ask Beck later. ...? Part 27 - Ai(r)ball. Yeah, I thought that sounded weird. Thanks for the info.

Hey, Luke. What? Damnit, Luke! Whaaaaaaaat? But whyyy? It's been far too long since I last used my axe and damned you, Luke. You've ran out of ideas, have you? Come, now. It's great to go back to the basics sometimes. Speaking of which, I think it's about time I tried to kill you. But you said Gotoh deserves to die more. Yes but he's God knows where investigating Gharnef. I'll kill him when we see him again. In the meantime, I'll slain you. ...what a "great" plan. Welp! Time for me to go get some cute girls for myself! Damnit, Luke! Yes... what he said. ... Part 26 - Aeible.

Leiden! Unh. What? Nothing, nothing, just thought of greeting you, a great friend. ...may I go now? Do you not want to see today's update? I'd rather not. You can't exactly force him to stay, you know? Bah, I'm sure I have better stats than him. Please, children, stop fighting. We're allies. That "ally" has led nine of his "allies" to their deaths! I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that. ...sigh. Part 25 - Sorry, but our Gotoh is in another castle.

Part 24 - The return of Vun Voman. I would be unimpressed about Athena, too, if I didn't like her so much. Yeah, Etzel wasn't quite the best Druid in history yet. Etzel > Niime. Bite me. Jokes aside, I think she and Horace should've been switched up. Athena's level is high enough for chapter 10x, but 13x is pushing it.

Leiden! My friend! Come here. I'm going to finish telling everyone how amazing you are. No, I'd rather you just ignored me like everybody else. Come, now. That is not true. We are all family. Do tell us, Ruben. Yeah, we've been waiting all night! I personaly couldn't sleep at all! ...I could. In fact, I've forgotten where we were. Okay okay, there we go. Part 23 - Leiden best unit, part II.

... ... ...pffft.... pff... pffheh... No... PFAHAHAH... HAHAHAHAH! HAH HAH HAH! HAAAAAH HAAAH HAAAH! What have I done to deserve this? Oh, good evening. Sir Leiden, is it? ...why is Ruben going nuts overthere? Don't-- Ahah... hah... hold on, hold on, I'll tell you. Ahh. Suffice to say that it involves Leiden here. Why me... ...how peculiar. Part 22 - Leiden best unit, part I. Remember how I said I'd had a shitty day and I wouldn't post today? Yeah... you see, Leiden singlehandedly turned that around. You'll see. Or well, you would see if I hadn't told you all not to look at this thread today. Oh well. I was still in a damn bad mood back then. No point in crying over spilled milk. That's good to know. Thank you. My theory is that Frey was secretly a cat Laguz (and therefore had 7 lives) who was killed in the shores of Tellius. Then the waves brought him to Archanea, where he served under Marth until the whole bussiness with Jiol. And then, in the prologue, he was killed 5 times, hence why he only had one life left by FE12. A life I wasted by being an idiot.

No update today, sorry guys. I've had a shitty day and the least I need right now is to sit here and write for three hours. Tomorrow morning, perhaps.

Denial. Bah. YOU are in denial, if anything! Wrys is right here! Right, Wrys? You should accept the truth, my friend. I am not here. I was never here. None of us even exist. B-but... You must let go, my friend. But then... who'll plant Yumina's bush repeatedly? There is no bush. ... !!! Where... Overhere. We need to get going. Those mountains behind me aren't going to climb themselves. ...how does he do this stuff? I don't exist? Why would he say that? Ah, I agree with him there. You'll stop existing soon. Sure. Like the other thirty times you've told me that. I'm just waiting for the best moment to do it. It'll come, in time. You can take my word for it. ... Part 21 - In which I prove the Sages and Franp3 wrong. I used to be adapting to updating in the morning, then I took a family reunion to the knee... Also, it is LP canon that Wrys has superpowerful metamorphic hair that allows him to beat even death. It's MY Let's Play, MY story, MY rules, and that's final. HMPH!

Oh my god, it's so hot here... stupid desert! Desist from your intent to give me a heat stroke! But you're still inside a building. I can see a pillar behind you! And how come you are in a forest? You sent me to the rearguard forever, remember? I'm defending the entrance to the desert with the others. I'M BEING USEFUL! Is that what benchwarmers do while the others hog all the glory? Good to know. Don't change the sub-- Ruben, the vanguard would very much like to leave this desert as soon as possible. Very well! CHAAAAARGE! ... Part 20 - The Sages were right. Gotcha. I didn't plan to. I find it quite hilarious that I was worried about the double didn't being incorrect, while I'd made a grave mistake in the previous sentence. So much for wanting to have a clean first LP. Oh well, nobody's going to care about a typo or fifty. Or five hundred.

Damnit, every day it's harder to think of something funny and original to place here. Eh, that's just fine, I'll do the typical "I can't think of anything funny" joke and that'll do. That's the oldest trick in the world, are you sure you want to do that? I'll throw in my axe as well! You are a failure of a comedian. ...why do I do this to myself? I could be doing something productive. Like driving tests. ...on second thought, I'd rather die. Well, not that much, but this sucks less that studying. ... Part 19 - I refuse to use the same units as everybody else. I'm a special snowflake. Snort snort. Also, this title is far too long. As I did with the hat, I've decided to accept the mask and go with it for one chapter. Hopefully, somebody will vote this time. Personaly, I like it, Pretzel's not worthy of Etzel's monocle. But as always, it's up to you.

... Hey, Ruben. What's up? ... ... Looks like he's still angry. Hmm... Guys guys! Look overthere! It's a cute-- Gaaaagh! Hah! I'm so tired of you all and your shenanigans. My balls... ... That felt good. Shall we go to war now? We need to slaughter some helpless Clerics. ...may I remind you that we need them in order not to have to LTC Elrean? Mm. Shame. Oh, well. ... Part 18 - The crab syndrome. (Vote for the masquerade ball mask. I'm a little ahead of the LP, so if you vote now I'll be able to get both 10x and 11 out of the way tomorrow).