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I'm also admittedly probably perceiving it in a more positive light due to my own experiences (if someone like my mother had it as her home screen, I'd probably cheer her on) but on reflection I can absolutely see how it could equally be taken in a negative light.

Yeah, I witnessed emotional abuse in my parents' marriage (between them, never directed at us although it had some effect on us, of course) for three decades and I was also bullied throughout my entire schooling, so I'm aware of the psychological damage and how a person can be worn down, piecemeal. It's definitely not to be ignored and I'm very sorry it happened to you. :( I don't think *any* domestic violence is ever funny, to be clear. I meant that the teacher's home screen (which I don't think implies emotional violence, just assertiveness) doesn't carry the same societal implications as if it the saying was reversed. Hopefully she just has it on her phone as a mantra/reminder to herself to be strong and it isn't indicative of how she carries herself in a romantic relationship!

Ah, I'm sorry for the confusion. This is why I hate text sometimes! Thank you, I do try! Good luck with the rest of your day at school!

There is actually something to be said for that; I've found experiences written by trans people to be really fascinating with regards to the effects of higher testosterone levels, for example! But it's also tricky because so much is embedded within society that it's very hard to divorce ourselves from our upbringing and the influence of our peers. (Heck, I find it really tough as a parent to avoid gender stereotyping). I just read this paper and found the section titled 'How to De-Naturalize Men's Violence and Build Human Connection' to address what you're saying.

I wasn't trying to disagree or argue with you; I quoted you so I could post the cartoon to back you up/for the benefit of others! I must come across as a real ass in text because I'm always being taken the wrong way...

Sure! I actually had sources ready since I'm more used to posting in Serious Discussion. Nearly 3 women killed each day by intimate partners. (This source claims it's more than 3). 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been victims of domestic violence at some point in their life; however, 94% of the victims of these murder suicides are female. The deadliest shootings you didn't hear about in 2016 (most victims of mass shootings in the U.S. are women and children, and many mass shootings are domestic violence cases). And in 2017 (obviously this article was written prior to the Las Vegas mass shooting). This is a cartoon, but it handily explains why it's hard for victims (of all genders!) to step forward in general. I've also heard from people who've attempted to report to the police that often the interrogation makes them so feel humiliated or re-victimized that they turn around and go back home. And even when there's a conviction... a friend of mine was beaten so badly by her partner that her blood splattered onto the ceiling; she was saved because a neighbor was awake and happened to hear her screams and called the police. She nearly died and he received a one year sentence (she also had to go home and scrub her own blood off the ceiling after she got out of hospital!). And this isn't to say that men aren't victims too, because they often are. But when victims are disbelieved in general, it's hard for any of them to seek help. Edit: Well, this is a very cheerful top-of-the-page.

I am, though. And I'm not justifying it. It's just not an issue I'm going to expend energy getting up in arms about. Basically: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I agree we all deserve equality! I just don't see any evidence of that in every day life. But sure, go ahead and consider the teacher an asshole for having this meme on her phone screen.

Just to be clear, I'd never imply that someone wasn't okay just because of how they were raised! We are all raised differently and we all react differently. But it's interesting to ask oneself; why is hitting another adult or an animal wrong, but not a child? There have been myriad studies on the effects of spanking - including one that took place over 50 years on 160,000 children - and they've all found that there is no advantage to physical punishment. Also, to clarify, discipline and establishing firm boundaries are absolutely essential for children, but those can take many different forms. There's sometimes a misunderstanding that being against spanking is to be a lax or anti-disciplinary parent and that's definitely not true! Absolutely not; plenty of great parents spank for a variety of reasons! The message is, like you say, that there's many other ways to teach children things that don't have the negative outcomes of spanking. Although men and women are equally likely to be victims of lesser domestic violence, women are more likely to have violence escalated against them; 92% of victims of murder-suicides are women, and 3 women are killed every day in the U.S. by a current or former romantic partner. It's similar to how 'punching up' is considered acceptable in comedic routines, but not 'punching down'; until we actually have equality, I'm think it's fine to give a pass to the person who's punching up.

Arguably no child requires physical punishment; which is what several countries have decided. Speaking of which, the moment I hopped on Facebook after reading this post, I was informed that Scotland will soon be banning smacking; thanks for creeping, Facebook! I'm not sure I agree with it being made illegal since all parents are human and I think some otherwise great parents could be caught up in the law, but having said that, we have laws against hitting other adults. We have laws against hitting animals. That's the part which has always sobered me. My parents raised 6 children without any kind of physical punishment; we're all independent adults with degrees and fulfilling careers who have never once crossed the wrong side of the law, so they definitely set an example to me. This! I wholeheartedly agree. I actually have a lot of regret because I didn't particularly ever let loose and ooh boy, being married in your 30s with kids is quite different. I have no idea where you are, but it's still the case in the U.S., and it's arguably a less equal society here than in a country like the UK, especially in certain states.

Hahaha! That's a pretty great system, actually. I bet it definitely helped curtail swearing knowing their kids would instantly call them out! Anyone watch The Good Place? I love the censored swearing.

It was pretty hilarious because I gave her a basic scientific description of both vaginal and c-section births and she was completely nonplussed. I was expecting her to be shocked or say 'eww' or exclaim 'that sounds awful, I'm never having a baby' and she just said, 'oh, okay.' So I went into more detail and she was still unfazed. The only thing she asked me was if you die if you have a c-section, so I very hastily assured her that you can be cut open and sewn back up again and be okay. I'm glad she waited until 5, though, I wouldn't know what to say to a 2/3 year old, either!

Anya asked me how babies got out of their mother's belly last night!

I misspoke; I do understand the principle part, just disagree with it. I certainly understand why parents would wish their children not to swear, just as I understand that swearing is a lot more offensive depending on where you grow up. We have so many studies these days telling us how detrimental spanking is; it increases the risks of mental illness, it's linked with the same negative outcomes as more severe abuse, and above all, it's not the most effective form of punishment. I don't blame our parents' generation but I think it's sad what is and isn't considered acceptable. At least most swearing isn't aimed *at* people, but used more as a form of exclamation. Anyway! Luckily there's a lot more information out there these days, and people are able to see what is and isn't effective.

See, I can't understand being fine with beating a kid but not okay with swearing

I struggle with language; I find a lot of people who are anti-swearing will use all kinds of gendered, racist and ableist language with impunity. Don't do yourself down! You won't have to compromise with the right person, and you shouldn't have to compromise (at least on anything important. Of course I compromise all the time on things like 'what shall we eat tonight').

It does differ hugely across the U.K.; for example, where I grew up in the south, every swear word was pretty much off-limits and I rarely heard anyone swear. I moved 200 miles north for college and even the 60-year-old sweet-mannered old ladies would throw fuck into every sentence, even when at work. edit: now, one time I distinctly remember that one of those 60-year-old ladies said that no language bothered her except the c-word; she said it was the only word she'd never say. But go further north and you have people (particularly Scottish people, I've noticed) inserting it into almost every tweet...

C*** is definitely not N-word level in Britain, vulgar, yes, but in certain dialects/areas it'll be thrown into every day speech, NBD Pussy's a confusing one as many older people still use it as a perfectly ordinary slang word for cat, as I was reminded when I visited my mother last month and she kept asking my kids to treat the old pussy (cat) nicely.

One of my favourite words! Not that I ever really use it, but it rolls off the tongue so nicely.

I don't know if it helps but coolness and popularity mean absolutely nothing once you've left high school; in fact many of the popular/cool kids in my hometown are the ones who never attended or graduated college and are still living where they grew up. As one of the least-cool kids in my high school, well, it suuucked at the time, but I kept my head down, got on with my studies, and it paid off. I've also never had to see any of my former high school classmates ever again. And I'll guarantee you're not bottom of the barrel. Plus, that behaviour is predatory. Definitely best not to be seen as 'cool' by predators.

Interesting. My first thought is she's probably insecure if she needs a reminder on her phone home screen that she has power. That's bullshit, you're not being sensitive, and those people are asses. And if they're teachers then that's especially awful. I'm sorry. That's only if you're attractive. Being a non-attractive woman is a mortal sin in U.S. society (and many others). Their loss! I'll hold doors open for anyone behind me. Never had anything but thank yous but then again I've always lived in areas where there seems to be less of a sex divide. Again, only if they're attractive.

Oh, whoops, sorry, and thanks for the clarification! I will edit my post.

Wikipedia has a full breakdown of the numbers by county, which is entirely useless (see Shoblongoo's post below, sorry!).

@Tryhard yes, hiring discrimination is easier to quanitify and is backed up by studies and lawsuits. It's not a leap from there to imagine that biases are carried into service. It's also not uncommon to find biases in things like healthcare, too.

'Reports' not in the journalistic sense, but from friends, anti-racism groups and a few people I follow on social media, so yes. Sure, maybe some are made-up, or exaggerated, but the quantity is enough that I certainly can't doubt that experiencing racism is a frequent occurrence for many.

See, I'm not black so from my perspective I don't see the racism against black people, either. But I do listen to the hundreds of reports from black people detailing the racism they face in society, including in the work place and from businesses. I have no doubt that laws are still necessary, and not just in the south. How many people have witnessed the MeToo hashtag trending on social media right now and still think sexual harassment isn't a problem, either? And harking back to the Pence discussion, this is a long piece by the New Yorker but it sums the issues up very well.