This is a story by me, myself and I.
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Chapter 1: The Legacy's Birth
It was a dark hour and many a people were scurrying the streets in their suffering, looking for food, shelter and clothes. Suddenly they all were killed with a hand gesture by a Nightmarish being known as Nightmare.
"WTF did you do that for?!" asked Nightmare's companion, Wist.
"I ended their suffering. Do not question me again, for you will suffer and I will be forced to end yours as well." Answered Nightmare in an intimidating voice while still holding his hand out from the time he murdered rescued the civilians, not moving one bit.
"Yes Lord." said Wist, accepting Nightmare's explanation.
Finally, Nightmare lowered his hand and slowly walked among the dead peasants, whose bodies were decaying into non-existence. After reaching a certain spot he stopped and looked around.
"This world is rotting, decaying...we must do something, Wist!" Nightmare exclaimed
"You are right! But what is there that we can do?"
"What is there that we can not do?"
"Ah...that is most acceptable! Then what do you recommend we do?"
Nightmare took another look around and with yet, another hand gesture, levelled the whole neighbourhood.
"Not again..."
"This is what we must do, Wist. Remove the malignant tumours from this world so that they do not spread!"
"I see where you're coming from. Allow me to help, Nightmarrrre."
"Gather materials. All of the best. We must construct a monument...our monument. Some place where we can rule the world with mere words."
"That is most appreciable. I will commence the gathering as soon as possible."
"Which would be now."
"Yes, now."
And it was that conversation which led to Wist gathering the best of the best: Gold, diamonds, silver, platinum, stainless steel, mountains, volcanoes, giant redwoods, mercury, comets, asteroids, fine oak...the list goes on! A mere five seconds after the conversation, all materials were gathered.
"Now time to gather the tools." Said Wist
"No need."
"What? But Lord Nightmare, how can we do this without tools?"
"We will use our bare hands." Nightmare replied with extreme confidence
"Ah, yes. I had forgotten about our bare hands."
"Let us begin the work, then."
And so they began at dawn and finished at...the same dawn? Their work was miraculous. A giant monument...a club. They decided to name it Area 51, based on how fast their pings responded to each other on IRC. Afterwards they installed an alien power generator which Nightmare had stolen millennia ago.
"This is magnificent." Nightmare exclaimed with a smirk on his face and eyes shining with pride
"It truly is." Wist acknowledged
"Now time to put the finishing touches on...inside!" Nightmare said as he rushed inside.
They installed lethal lasers as lights inside, chandeliers made of diamond and hanged giant paintings of themselves on the walls of the club. Everywhere they used the finest oak, the best fabrics, the works! The toilets were made of pure gold and they used mercury instead of water. The laser lights were everywhere but somehow didn't cut through the building. It was truly a sight to behold. Next they brought over the best food from all over the world: caviar with hydrochloric acid, steaks burned to perfection with draconic flames, cock hard rocks and explosively hot tacos were but a few of the many, many dishes they had. And let's not forget about the drinks, which included scalding hot silver (with a side of whisky if you're into that thing), magma, pure alcohol and lethal scotch! This was indeed, heaven.
"We are done, Wist." Nightmare said with his shiny-pride eyes
"Yes we are. What is our next course of action?" Wist asked with satisfaction
"We shall remain here inside the best booth which is also the farthest, shadiest and the darkest one. There, we shall operate as Mr. Johnsons, hiring worthless Shadowrunners to do our dirty (and sometimes not-so-dirty) jobs. What do you say?"
"I am in full support of this plan. Let us leave to that booth."
"Damn it! You forgot the troll!"
"Oh no! Wait here, be right back!"
"I can't trust you with this, you always take so long!"
"Well we have no other choice, have we?"
"No...well then, hurry up!"
"Right!"
And Wist left and brought back a troll in two seconds.
"See? Told you? You took a whole two seconds. That is unacceptable!"
"I apologize. He was hard to work with. Very arrogant and stubborn. But at least we have the troll now."
"True. Assign him as the bouncer. The way you described him, he should come in handy."
"Yes, yes..."
"And tell him that he must not allow anyone except those with the highest reputation in."
"Alright. Anything else?"
"No. Let's just assign ourselves some bodyguards from those guys over there."
"What?! When the hell did they get here?" Wist said in surprise
"When you left to get the troll."
"Ahhh, I see. Okay, let's assign them to ourselves. I take the two orcs and one of the humans."
"And I shall take the two elves and the other human."
"Perfect."
"Indeed."
"Club Area 51 shall be the best."
"It shall indeed. Now let us rest and enjoy the festivities and wait for customers and runners to come."
"Let us. After you."
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...Has she played the games?