nah, dw, i realize. I realize also many feel that way but either "suck it up" or "Grew up", and i am not willing to accept either (because if i do, i will turn from hating my life to hating my self).
I also realize i rant too often about the topic.
But it's also true i never wanted to live like this, ever since i had my first full time work back in my youngling days, and how zombie like life it is. I already gave up on a lot (thanks to my long time illness), and this lifestyle will make me give up on the last important thing - i can't accept that, and never will