Oguma

Idk what youre talking about since I havent logged in like 6 years but it's ok. This forum has seen its fair share. Not the first, won't be the last, and it's nice thst you apologized 🙂

Is from the moon, apparently

It was early in the morning when Spy the Chemist woke up. He was a regular spy, just like any other...except for one thing. He was a chemist. Spy woke up and proceeded to take the covers off of himself. It was a slightly cold October morning, signs of winter were nigh and Spy would have to start turning on the heat if he didn't want to suffer sharp cold temperatures making it harder to get up. However, Spy is hesitant to do this for there is a heat bill, and a chemist only has so much money. While some chemists do make a large amount of money, Spy's parents had never made a college fund for him. They expected him to go to Spy School but that wasn't his calling. Spy was born to be a chemist, and now has to drown in student loans because of this choice. Spy lazily shuffled to his kitchen. His apartment was small, but for him, it was cozy. After he got to the kitchen, he made coffee. He went into the cupboard under the sink to retrieve his coffee filter. He burrowed into the cupboard above the fridge to get the coffee beans. He then went into the cupboard beside and up from the cupboard below the sink to get the coffee grinder. No, wait, that's not where that is. Spy then remembered that not some time ago he had decided to move the coffee grinder into the cupboard above the microwave, for he is very sensitive about the placement of his coffee bean grinder. Also, he was starting to fear the cupboard to the left and up from the cupboard below the sink. It was never the same after its service in Vietnam. Even then, it was starting to whisper thing to spy when he went to retrieve items from that particular cupboard. It would say things like, "Mmmmm I love it when you bend over and shove your arm inside of me" Needless to say, that cupboard is a fucking pervert. While Spy's coffee brewed, he went back to his room. Spy was now slightly more awake after moving around his apartment. He opened his closet and looked at his multiple suits. one half of the closet was red and one was blue. Spy was a meticulous organizer when it came to colour. He's also kind of a racist. Spy decided to take the third red suit from the left, and put it on. But first, he had to take off his pajamas. He grabbed the waist of his Pajama bottoms, let them fall to the floor. He then unbuttoned his pajama top. This was his favourite pair of pajamas, for they were white with red pinstripes. Or were they red with white pinstripes? Who the hell knows. After he took of his pajamas, he then put on his suit. First, Spy put on his white shirt and did each button up. 7 buttons in total. Then, Spy put on his pants. He grabbed a hold of the zipper firmly, and pulled up. spy then did the fastening at the top. For fear of being "pants-ed", Spy put on a belt. Spy then put on a tie, a single loop knot. He preferred this method to the double loop knot for it took less time to do. Finally, he put on his red blazer and mask. The coffee was ready. Spy put a pack of cigarettes into the inside pocket of his blazer while walking to the kitchen. Spy reached into the cupboard beside the cupboard to the left and up from the cupboard below the sink for his favourite mug. It was long and was shaped like a knife. Pretty badass, I know. Spy looked at the time and realized it was time to leave for work. Spy then made his coffee in a travel mug rather than his knife mug. The knife mug would have to wait until night, when Spy would have his after shower tea. Spy made his coffee the same way as always, 1 cream and 4 sugars. His family and co-workers are worried about him getting diabetes. Spy grabbed a muffin from his sink (He only uses the one side) walked out the door, turned around and closed the door. He then used his key to lock the door of the apartment he was so cozy in. Spy walked down four flights of stairs, murmuring to himself how he should file a complaint to the building’s owners about fixing the elevator. Spy walked to his car and pressed to unlock button on his keys. Despite having a lower income, Spy was the owner of an old Jaguar. Nobody knows how he got it. As he raced through the city, something felt wrong. His spy-die senses (when his primal spy nature knows he should kill somebody) were tingling. This made the stops at the red lights much more tense, for the irked feeling was growing. Spy then arrived to his chemistry lab, trying to shake off the sense. He was looking forward to a recent shipment of chemicals which should’ve have been let in by his lab assistant. Spy then got out of his Jaguar. He then turned around, hit the lock button (twice, just to be sure) and turned towards the lab and walked into it. “How was the shipment?” Spy asked “Went off without a hitch” His assistant said Spy tried to believe her, but he knew something was wrong. He looked through all of his cupboards. The first contained liquids. The liquid cupboard was chock full of new a colourful chemicals, almost like a collection of a gay man’s piss. Embarrassingly, this slightly aroused Spy, and his assistant noticed. But that’s another story. Spy then looked into his metal cupboard. Metal was spy’s second favourite type of music, second only to jazz, and that cupboard was left untouched. Spy then checked his Jazz cupboard and that was just as in order. Then, Spy check his other metal cabinet. He looked through the cupboard and all seemed well. The new shipments of aluminum were really shiny, Spy knew he must play with it later. As he closed the cupboard, he noticed something. The copper from the back shelf was missing. “OH MY GOD WHERE IS THE COPPER” Spy yelled “What do you mean?” His assistant asked. “IT’S GONE. THE COPPER. IT’S GONE” “Damnit!...It must’ve been the chemical shippers, should I call the police” “No…my blood is boiling. Adrenaline is rushing through my veins…I was born for situations like this” Spy immediately drew detailed plans of the shippers deaths in his mind. “I’m going to go. You make sure nothing else was stolen” Spy ordered “Yes sir!” Said his assistant Spy then ran into his car, grabbed the emergency knife from his glove compartment and pocketed it. He light a cigarette as a single tear ran down his cheek. “C u later, Copper”

I was looking through the first ten puns in this thread, to see if they would make me laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.