phobia

​ Bishop has 4 move Valk has 5 and [spoiler=spoiler]dozla is a bishop so I think Valkyrie is the clear choice for probably both her and Amelia, simply because of the move

So, let me fix all that shit I said. what i did was change Gerik and Innes' AI to not move, like eclipse suggested, use a couple of savestates and RNG abuse, and exploit a glitch that comes with the randomizer-- hey, it's in the game already right? But i did forget to reset Innes's stats. I did reset Gerik but Innes has 10 more defense than he would normally have, and 5 more HP. it didnt matter though, because I kept him out of harm's way 90% of the time. So he didnt need it. He's not being used so it's just a simple error whatever! I feel really good now, this took so much fucking perfect placement and a lot less hax than i thought it would. [spoiler=GLITCHTOWN USA] REMEMBER THE DROP GLITCH? WHERE YOU CAN DROP ON WALLS!? CAUSE I DIDNT UNTIL JUST NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! 10/10 best glitch DO NOT FIX Oh my god what a fucking champ Franz is right now, dude. DONE DONE DONE so get a hot sticky load of this juicy shit: OK SO I DIDNT TAKE MANY AWESOME SCREENSHOTS BECAUSE I WAS FOCUSING BUT I STILL TOOK QUITE A FEW IMPORTANT ONES first off I was pissed at this and a lot more and i tilted but then this made my day and then suddenly on tilt again. Then this joker dodged a 98? or so from Vanessa. Garcia gets a whatever level i think i tried to kill the mage and kyle missed Where is Franz, you ASK? HE'S SAVING THE FUCKING WORLD. where on earth! are you going all three are exactly what he needs So i savestated right before this, im pretty sure i got doubled and killed or something reason i savestated is because: I can't fucking count. I counted seven squares from this fighter (which places me out of his range) and put Kyle six away because I'm an idiot. He's carrying Eirika so i got doubled and died. BUT i made a savestate right before dying for whatever reason. So we carry on. BUT THEN IT HITS ME THE KEY TO EVERYTHING THE ABSOLUTE WITHOUT A DOUBT REASON FOR MY SUCCESS welcome to GLITCHVILLE. also tethys more like boo hiss Franz is asleep, but that's alright as fuck because Marisa is just throwing spears at him and not dying or killing anyone. So it's perfect. Franz isnt taking damage and I'm waiting for the part above the fort to settle down, Seth and Forde are dodging 60s and forde is hitting 50's and seth is critting, everything is going GREAT and then WHOOOOOSH for some reason gerik ran up top to heal because he has 8 move and i recruited Innes and Tethys before when i placed Eirika on the wall, so now gerik was the last piece of the puzzle Marisa is still poking Franz and the whole map is settling down. Here is where i realize I can do this pretty easily now. Gerik with his eyes closed looks so relieved. Franz will wake up soon, take out that shithead archer and the rest of Marisa's crew. The top half is pretty much all clear! Don't know what these were for He's awake now, and we are ready for action, Taking the cake for worst screenshot timing is this Gem of me missing a fucking priest with like ten attacks. and this was a level i missed this is where i missed 3 attacks lmao Got rid of that shithead. Now, to recruit Marisa. but first some things have to be done. Everybody must gather in the loveshack. Seth and Franz will be taking out the Pegasi and then the team will work on trying to EVEN HIT that broken-ass Ranger. All aboard the rape train. Everything is ready for the reinforcements to show up. Marisa is carrying Gerik and they are huddled in the corner. awful idea in retrospect, all the ones he is facing have Javelins but no matter they were oneshot anyway by him this fucker is the chapter's last huge obstacle. can be destroyed by Franz in every way shape and form, so worried I am not. but this dude is just OP. Franz has killed the pegasus squad and prepares to wipe out the cavs and draw the ranger close This is not good... Much better, thank you Seth! Thank mr skeltal for some speed this is the moment of truth. I need seth to crit this guy and survive one cavalier attack. After a savestate and some RNG burning, seth has done the impossible. The fucking legend is here. And everything is gone! The crew stumbles drunkenly out of Ft. Loveshack, trying to remember where they are. However, they cannot figure it out, so Franz (who is the guard i guess) tells Eirika to FOLLOW HIM! and he goes on a solo adventure! yayy franz. Finally, i've needed one of these fuckers for AGES It all boils down to this. I'm yoloing but i savestate, cause if franz gets hit with Stone, he will be demon surged to death. He dodges two of them though, and I actually beat the chapter. Franz and Seth are making me moist. Finally... Poll is up for Neimi's promotion. Vanessa is an assassin no questions asked, but it'll be sometime before I can pick up a set of lockpicks... grooooan... This feels so good. I don't care. I'm going to ruin you.

I appreciate your enthusiasm. I will try one more time for you.

yeah but i dont want to actually change anything. Plus, trust me the ballista will oneshot Innes anyway and Gerik cannot take on more than 4 soldiers in his base state. Plus, you probably had a team that YOU picked and that had usable growths- I got stuck with Vanessa and Kyle (which is why i didn't randomize growths, if i did i might've been stuck with a predetermined team of 0 strength growths (which is still possible haha dondon)) and an awful, awful Eirika. if i take time to level up an actual team in the tower* i might be able to beat this chapter- but I already saved at the beginning of the chapter, so I cant get back to the map.

[spoiler=tldr for this chapter-is actually a spoiler. if you do not care then read] this episode is a joke, this chapter is pretty much impossible and i'm going to switch to Ephraim mode. The only way I can beat this chapter is by using someone to bring Franz right to the boss, but they will die and I cannot get any of the green units, and that is not how I'm going to play-- i am going to recruit everybody, plus i need that hero crest more than anything. The only way anything is possible is if i hack the three green units to completely stomp the chapter, and I'm not going to do that. I'm not entirely sure Ephraim mode will be possible with this shitfest of a team, either, to be honest. I know it's radically harder than Eirika's mode. I really did screw myself over by pre-determining my endgame team randomly. Neimi, Kyle, Vanessa, and even Franz simply are not up to par. Let's hope they fair better aboard the Phantom Ship. GG WP GLITCHY RANDOMIZER Hello and welcome to another Episode of Randomized FE8. If you did not read the spoiler, press on. If you did, you can press on anyway. [spoiler=Revolting Carcino] Right off the bat I see something I desperately need. "it's simple, we kill the princess!" I don't think Gerik can make do with this. Innes looks like he can hold his own until I can back him up and Tethys' AI has her stay out of trouble and focus on being at full HP, she should be fine. I give Gerik a little jolt in the defense department to make him able to survive more than 2 turns. I wish you were good, Kyle. Marisa is almost definitely going to suicide on Innes. This guy's a fuck. Things start off well with a decent level from the mighty warphin power hero This guy crit Seth. For no damage. Hm... still not enough. Let's try this. Bad level this time. The crew prepares for the worst. From this one Mage. Oh of course you died. I forgot you suck ass! Get the fuck out of my sight. yeah he should be fine. But Garbcia will always get crappy levels now. Um, what do I do now. I don't think Eirika will die if I make a wall for Neimi... Oh, what a crock of shit. He just facedove this group of Reds and took an arrow to the knee face Impressive! Did I give you Chaos Mode Stimulant? marisa my princess Tethys you fatass, you're supposed to sit on a fort and use your god damn Elixirs. I really fucking hate you, Vanessa. That adorable short haircut can only get you so far with me. You, on the other hand, are ending up quite alright. I mean i GUESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS i mean I GUESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS YOU STILL SUCK ASSHOLE Innes gets the ROID treatment, as well as Gerik getting thrown a little HP Trash The crew readies their rectums You fine son of a bitch. Hello, Attractive Woman with Bright Hair? Yes, the army of Generic Mooks and Ugly Old Men needs your help fighting the army of OTHER Attractive People with Bright Hair. You're loyal to us correct he was cumming for me She got an empty level. With three stats below 10. where are you going... This should be a great spot. Yay, Forde! It was at that moment, Phobia knew... THAT GARCIA WOULD FUCK IT UP ANYWAY, DAMN IT FUCK IT FUCK YOU FUCK THIS WE'RE DOIN IT LIVE you better not die you goddamn meatball. a level worse than death. a death worse than that level. You suck so bad. RELEASE THE HORDE of one myrmidon Finally, you rat bastards I made it here super early by use of awesome tactical prowess. The plan is recruit innes with Eirika (the person I'm dropping) recruit gerik and then run to recruit tethys, then somehow get the hell out of dodge with everyone not named Gerik so I can recruit Marisa and take on the JAW DROPPINGLY STRONG reinforcements. And guess what? it's SHOWTIME! That's because Pablo wants special time with her Great. Alright, now to recruit inne-WHAT THE FUCK!? WHY! WHY! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO HAVE A PEGASUS!? DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT GET YOUR STUPID ASS over here. okay now, DONT DIE. Protip Innes is weak as fuck and Marisa is tanky as fuck. that's a zero. GET THE FUCK over here. Oh, god. That res. Meanwhile this part of the army takes on a massive swarm of Mercenaries, Myrmidons, and Bandits. All are pretty easy to dispose of for the most part. Are you critting me? Whatever, I need to ditch him anyways. We press on without General Seth. You bet your sweet headband it is. this guy is a monster Oh goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh. My. Goodness. alright neimi, now... DODGE IT! Whatever! I don't need you! Fuck you, too! \ GO KYLE GO Eirika will save us! WHATEVER! I have other healers! SLEEPING ON THE JOB, FRANZ? YOU DESERVE DEATH. YOURE FORGIVEN, YOU WERE LITERALLY JUST HOLDING THE TEAM BACK THANK YOU FOR DYING YOU FUCKING SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK You too Kyle, you fucking shithead. It's alright guys. I still have one member of my endgame team left. Oh. I still have Eirika. The only one that matters. I can train. I can grind in Valni. I can make a new team. I'm going to have to do it. Gerik can just solo this whole-- Fuck. EIRIKA CAN SOLO THIS WHOLE-- FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK THIS CHAPTER IS LITERALLY NOT POSSIBLE GUYS IM DOING EPHRAIM MODE.

I've decided that to save time for this chapter I'm going to skip deaths. Mainly because I played the chapter 8 hours ago and I want to get this post over with. [spoiler=no deaths amirite] Finally! Wait, that's a bad thing. boOOOOO Rapey subtext. SUPER rapey subtext THE RAPIEST SUBTEXT IN THE WORLD Actually, you will. you're not part of my endgame team. [spoiler=This conversation:] LEGITIMATEDISGUISE ALERT will they ever know it's me? Are they now? Oh god not THAT ship, right? Definitely not THAT ship. Great description! Also 4 mag/move troubadour so much for heals OR wheels After 30 something pictures of deaths and defeat, here we go. kyle starts off with the level of his dreams. The crew in the optimal position. Also i was having tons of trouble because Pirates have 8 move, which means... this was around turn 4, also they sped across the water and swarmed my weaker units. Was annoying. But i managed finally Stab the enemy. WITH MUH STAFF [spoiler=intermissionary unit analysis, also episode spoilers but who cares] I don't recruit her. But, she looks fine. Her low EVERYTHING is okay because she's level 1 but she might never catch up because she's supposed to have 10 extra levels to work with these bases. She's going to be ass to train. On one hand, just another cleric to take up my guiding rings. On the other hand, DAT RES. Forde gets a basically perfect level considering this game has ass for luck anyway. This was the other source of the problems. That sniper can one-round most of my units if they're not full HP, as evidenced by Forde here, who was at 28 hp when that EP started I guess. Plus he has crazy speed=crazy dodge and doubling. So yeah, fuck him Die, you rat cock. You too, Sniper. (jk that's an awesome level) I clean up the merc and set up my tanks. Forde still gets wrecked by that fighter, though. I must've restarted here. But I took good screens in that last attempt so I kept this one. I don't know if I restarted anymore. Who knows. I don't. I just said I didn't. yikes that mov is annoying FORDE WILL TANK THIS! yeeesh where's my iote's shield This is where I had everyone retreat the turn earlier because I wanted to take this swarm on the Player Phase Look at all my gold errrrrrrrrrrrmah god Plus, look where I am in relation to my turn. I'm so far behind. Getting Amelia is impossible. See you in Mark Hamill Canyon! Now that all those fucks are gone we can take this slow and steady. This dude is a cock. Better get rid of him. It was for a couple attempts. CRIT? CRIT! Give me everything. Look how slow Tana is. I just realized I've been spamming restore to give Neimi exp and she's already level 20... edit: Recover* i got it from tana more crits Eirika donks this nerd with one of her Runeswords The home stretch. they gonna have babies Or, Forde is going to ART like a loser. Idk if this was the full level but look at DAT ONE. Next picture reveals it wasnt the full level. BUT LOOK AT DAT ONE. these guys dont move rite They dont but holy shit this is the scariest boss. Take out her henchmen and what are we left with More like, Stinks. "he told me i would have an axe..." Seth g000d. I've become BLIND!

do you think dandragon's description of integrity as 'a fart' is accurate

what are u wearing

I voted for Eirika because of reason I explained to Force- i dont want Eirika to show up in chapter 15 with 4 strength and 25 hp across the map and vulnerable. plus i know Ephraim will be usable if Duessel/Knoll arent-- I fully expect Scorched Sands and Riev's chapter to be the hardest chapters in this game So maybe I cheated. Poll was super close. I will save it over the empty file though [spoiler=before we begin] TIME TO TAKE A TRIP TO THE TOWER OF VALNI! This game is fuckass hard, dude. I really need to go to the tower for a while. so this update will just be a montage of levels! I get a new teammate next chapter, which will be a bitch to train. She'll be TOWER ABUSED too. This post will be updated with the Valni montage. But first, some of the Tower's greatest hits!: I ended up taking 81 screenshots... oh god a lot of these are before deaths, fuck's sake Kyle. I held the speed button through enemy phases so for like 90% of the levels I missed them and had to take a picture of the stats screen afterward. [spoiler=boring level montage] LOL look at Kyle's Loss count shoot up, Jesus TL;DR Version is here: [spoiler=tldr (just final stats)] [spoiler=unit recap] I probably went a little overboard but I previewed the next chapter and my team was getting destroyed, so I had to. Plus there's only so much stronger they can get from here before they need to promote, aaaand I have no promotion items currently. Okay so Neimi staffbotted, normal. She hit level 20 and her stats are pretty weird for a cleric, she'll have no problem hitting all of her spells when she promotes, that's for sure. Her luck is pretty nice and her mag could be a lot worse. She'll do. Eirika was such a piece of shit in the tower that I had to farm for runeswords so she could take on more than one revenant at a time lol. She ended up doing okay i guess, she's still pretty bad. Vanessa is perfectly fine now, to be honest. She has enough HP to make up for her awful strength and once she gets some killing edges she'll be okay. She just needs to do good in the next 24 levels as far as getting strength goes. She's also a prime candidate for an Assassin because if she gets enough SKL she'll just silence everything anyway. Plus, Lockpicks are nice. Garcia is probably my best unit right now. The only complaint I have is his low HP, the lowest on my team aside from Neimi. Whatever though, he onerounds almost every monster. Except of course those fucking OP as hell Entombed, those thing were a nightmare. Forde capped strength three years ago, and he started gaining lots of speed procs. So, he's good again. He just needs a body ring if his promotion doesnt have a crazy CON boost. Fuck Kyle. He's bad but at least he can one round revenants unlike Eirika. He died SO MANY TIMES in the tower, he gained 9 deaths on his counter. He kept getting instakilled by Entombeds or Bonewalkers with bows, it was crazy. And I didnt care about deaths so I just put him places and held the speed button, so he just racked them up like it was nothing. And then there's Franz, my first promotion. Without the promotion bonuses he's at somewhat of a disadvantage but his class is pretty great and he pulls more weight than anybody not named Seth. Chapter 9 will come tomorrow. Is this the infamous quint-post? [spoiler=remaining characters- actual spoiler alert i guess] Dozla Bishop Ewan Knight Syrene Paladin Amelia Cleric Note: no thief in entire game and also three healers Plus i was hoping for a real monster or at least a manakete, but nothing. Zilch. Dumb.

but they're just partners they're not married

i was just reading the first chapter and i almost choked my own laughter

If the poll ties I'll [acronym: PLEASE VOTE EIRIKA]try[/acronym] to do both routes (!) The crew gathers around the castle entrance to take part in yet another delicious chapter! [spoiler=this is gonna be good] Yikes, I don't think I've seen an enemy myrm yet but this is VANESSA WITH MORE STRENGTH SCARY So Ephraim is calling to Eirika, which means he thinks they are here Yes, Forde, that's why I fucking called to her I THINK WE SHOULD HUDDLE IN A CORNER AND LET FRANZ DO EVERYTHING alright now BREAK The worst level ever. I'm literally resetting. I meant it. Already on take two, Garcia takes on some scrubknights Acceptable. This actually produces a pretty cool design when you put screens together like that Just ur average everyday antics Seth goes to help these guys because the enemies got exponentially stronger while they did not. Ahhh shit, an archer. God damn it. The coast is clear, now the chapter should be easy. I mean I could literally have Franz take out the Knights and then leave the right side alone, but I didn't think about that until just now Get smacked boy. Safe being a relative term Take every precaution RELEASE THE HORDE General "Wall of Seth" UMM, Franz. Can you get Strength? kidding that's a great level Shiet dawg. Teamwork broken Vanessa wants some Knight Action better heal the fuck up you get DOUBLED by this stupid mercenary And will continue to be doubled because you don't have any speed. SHIT FUCK SOMEONE'S GONNA DIE QUICK FORDE, TANK IT NO FORDE, YOU SUCK yassss, i was expecting her to start getting empty levels already but she didnt EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK RELEASE THE HORDE PT. 2 missed a level Wall of Seth returns oh, oh god. He got doubled. ... kidding i dont think i reset that one All is going well so far I think this is the part where Franz oneshot three knights in a row with crits. why do you have to be such a bitch? why don't you, why don't you just fuck off AND DIE? Oh wait, you just did. dont die pls Yay, this level again UNLESH D HORD this is like the second time i've captured this level on camera i think Oh shit, that archer from the middle room moseyed on over here le fish and chips slice and dice Oh shit I FORGOT ABOUT FORDE pLEASE DONTDIE nice level wow OH SHIT HE GOT THREE CRITS IN A ROW LOL THE FUCKING GOD ELIXIR that shit speed is good i guess Alright these guys are safe. Easy peasy from here on out. The AI of this game is all fucked up I think because of the Randomizer (like the Jav Cav used his 1 range weapon on forde instead of using javelin, among other things), but I hope that the thief will head right for the chest and unlock it so I can kill him and take the Robe... Wishful thinking. the left army is basically just farming simulator right now i just got a spotify ad for a "nostalgic chihuahua walk" playlist and i cant take this level seriously RELEASE THE thief soon 4 move strikes again oh shit lol, these mercs are strong. Why does Eirika suck? the god with 17 luck ok now just walk on over to the chest nothing bad will happen get out of my way lmao Oh. I missed. get out of my way lmao below par, mate. These shamans suck wait, where are you going. no dude the chest is on the other side of the wall.... He wants to fight me...... Dude seriously im not a treasure chest.............. seth stop leveling up we're focusing on a thief this kid is actually fighting me instead of looting the area like he was meant to do! I kill him. noob. I would just wait here but the shaman behind me would ruin my day Franz floats my boat. Wow, this is the worst boss. Actual joke. Just like this level. Eirika looks like she's getting a piggyback ride from Seth Not really I mean you had Orson with you and Forde was op as heck that one chapter oh shit boys. in 7 chapters! THE BIGGEST DECISION OF MY LIFE what do i DO BOYS

will u marry me

btw if anyone was wondering why i used a previously beaten rom it's because of the win-loss counters [spoiler=a sigh of relief] 4 and a half hours? Aw man, it's well-guarded. How are we going to get through? Oh, there are... 2 soldiers. Well-guarded indeed! I need to visit shops. These soldiers, man. Really tough stuff the only thing that's tough is watching Franz continue to have stats lower than his Level Let's gooooo boi I didn't get a thief yet, or I'd be all over this Energy Ring. I think I made this joke last time I played FE8 but WAY AHEAD OF YOU heyyyy at least she won't die from one Ballista shot anymore (i hope) Maxed speed but STILL 7 STRENGTH! The good thing is she can double people with steel blade now, but mostly just Soldiers and Fighters I think The crew slowly works its way east and around the mountain thing. Garcia gets a crap level Time to mop the floor with these fruits. Easy as pie. I guess. Seth GO! Eirika DONT GO! Oh shiiiiiiiiit :o Prince Renais finally getting shit done Seth is going to max things? Wtf? Archer is DANGEROUSLY close to Garcia. Franz waiting out some ballista shots as I check the positioning for Garcia A nice level for Garcia. garcia takes out both mercenaries by the hair of his chinny-chin chin Franz gets a level I missed Hey ouch. That's what you get BOI. Murray has health out the ass but doesnt really pose much of a threat otherwise with stats like that (besides his crit chance) Neimi really wants to be a tank. Alright, last enemy. I'll just whittle down his health and capture the gate. You can stop reading now! [spoiler=nope] nope Dude fucking crits me. I cannot believe that shit. Garcia has a high Battle to Win ratio but has been oneshot by Lolarchers toooo many times. Our lord and savior Double pLS Neimi gets an amazeballs level Gargcia gets an okay level. This is slow as heck, so I'll skip it. you get the picture! I seize and end! [spoiler=SEIZE NUTZ] GOTTEM! FUCK this FUCK you jesus christ man are you okay i didnt mean it youre a great guy please dont die It's mag, at least. Hooboy. GET STRENGTH YOU FUCKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING WHORE K LET'S GO This fighter wants to get to Neimi bad You SHALL NOT PASS 4% crit bois shut up i know he had one hp anyway Sure, not like you're an endgame unit anyway. BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN DIE I'll take it. all that's left is their leader and a LOLARCHER DIE! Again, I'll take it. sew gud Fine. See she's doubling with steel blade. Also i'm doing the same thing i did with eirika. Because Vanessa isn't a lost cause. I think Franz can use that. In 7 levels, but you get the picture. 2 capz NOW i end the chapter. [spoiler=NOPE] just kidding Then open your goddamn eyes and look for him. WHY ARE U CONCEALING A DAGER aHHHHHHH!!! This chapter was actually fairly easy, nothing was BULLSHIT except that one crit and there were no cavs and cavs are all tanky as hell so they're obnoxious. Could've been done in one try but I got greedy for Eirika xp. Poll up about route choice! [spoiler=lamest boss ever]

i dont know about all that but i did it because it was hilarious edit: it doesnt stop their heal, but it does reduce it by one effectively thank you, i've personally been wondering if i was entertaining at all lol I could've killed him with Eirika's iron sword and gotten experience but where's the fun in that

it is currently going well! thank you! But then there's Forde Franz and Garcia Neimi isn't bad, she's just wet paper atm. Vanessa/Eirika are salvageable and Kyle is just a lost cause. FE4 is hard enough, and they say 5 is a million times harder... I can't even imagine. FE4 is great though. Lovely game. [spoiler=FUUUUUUUUUCK PART 2] Now that it's been 12 hours and I forgot all of my jokes potentially, let's get this show on the road! Okay you're permabenched bitch. As is Moulder. I have a pair of three-screen losses here so I'm just gonna skip over them. \ Alright here we go. Things start off like normal. Franz gets an ass level like normal. Franz DUNKS this ponyman, leaving me with a couple extra moves that could save the game dodge this shit You're really not helping. Whatever damage is damage HAVE NO FEAR I AM HEREEEEEE Hey maybe she'll start doubling things with more than 2 speed soon! get OUTTTA MY HOUSE it's the perfect plan. Poison is broke boy. A delicious level if you were LYNDIS but you're NOT so GET SOME MAG Seth hasn't even double digited Speed yet. That's crazy He still does a million damage DEATH APPROACHES I'm almost positive I made a savestate here, I had no idea who was hanging around the fog and the chapter had gone so well so far I just had to His stats are well-rounded I guess. Meanwhile Franz lags far behind Gargcia. oh holy shit thank god i savestated I completely forgot about this motherfucker ayy lmao just like nothing ever happened eek! HALBERDMAN STRIKES AGAIN I'm tired of your games, HALBERDMAN! Prepare yourself! Traaaaaaaaaaash Arrgh you freakish old man! All that's left is their leader? USELESS You're gonna kill all 6 of us by yourself? With that weapon? With that hitrate? Meanwhile Eirika's about to get fingerblasted but I don't care. get the lube because she PULLED IT ALL OFF You can always say you were the dude from lazytown Everything EXCEPT strength. (luck isnt real) because the only one here is eirika and she does nO DAMGE thanks for the gold!

God this chapter sucked. I definitely have rats in my sack after this one [spoiler=FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK: PART ONE OF TWO.] This chapter was fucking painful. Two handfuls, to be exact. I don't have a Paladin? Novala's a freak too tho. There were only four votes but it was enough so Vanessa gets the Dragonshield, which is very much needed The crew has been chosen! Let's try playing this chapter like normal. Move to the right slowly and then kill Novala, easy game easy life. Look at Franz! What a god<3 Garcia's no slouch. But he can't kill this dude yet Thereeee it is. Franz picks up a stellar level. One of many. Let's try this again. This chump just keeps on trying Speaking of chumps, fuck you Vanessa LE CHIP i wish i could put Eirika on the fucking BENCH. i wish Vanessa would join her. Trust me if I could give up and end the game here I would buddy Novala wants my ass! Save me, Seth! So manly Fire Emblem is a pretty cool guy. MY GOOOOOODDDDDDD YOU SUCKKKK So this is the plan now, I move Vanessa out of there and just have Garcia and Franz and Seth do everything. Hey at least it's not just Seth. get some speed bro! Good! We killed him! oh wait. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK IM POISONED Oh. This asshole just killed me anyway. Take 4 or 5 or who knows. There's only one actually You were right colm i shouldn't EVER LET NEIMI FIGHT FUCKING DIE SOLDIER WELCOME TO THE SOLDIER SIDE (GET IT SOLDIER-CIDE) Death approaches! BETTER SKEDADDLE! Neimi dodges things and Garcia gets the hell out of dodge. Well, this is a fine mess. Neimi must've been hit by the other cav. Heal that shit off Spiderman appears! Seth arrives to save the day. But where is everyone! The Grey Gargoyle positions himself to intercept Spiderman. CAN HE DO IT? CAN HE FINALLY STOP SPIDERMAN? he dooooo Franz puts in work but gets bad results. Aw god jesus. That perfect kill hp Kreygasm Oh god there are more people LIVE OH GOD DIE BEAST DIE BEAST Seth so MANLY Bloody hell Eirika Vanessa can tank this right Perfect, she dodged. Now we'll just conti-- wait FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK New plan, we bring these rat bastards to help out. They slowly take out the top of the map. yes, there are, but it sucks so much ass dude like you dont even know KILL IT NO MORE HEALS FOR YOU KIL IT Oh god Garcia's stuck Oh god oh god got one? i should've equipped Axereaver this shitty mercenary cant do anything OH. OKAY THEN. THANKS, ASSHOLE. fucking finally he's not stuck this time. You clearly weren't. and AGAIN. We are FUCKED Vanessa can get FUCKED Seth, MAH BOI except a two-eyed no-horned riding purple Gilliam killer Hitrates pls. Fuuuuck why can't i endgame you FUUUUUUUCK WHY DO YOU EXIST Will I succeed? Will I fail? Will I ragequit? find out next time on FIRE EMBALL Z

Forde Kyle and Ephraim join the party, and they're all STUPID! Just as I suspected, this lovely chapter is where the game starts to get fun. I usually hate this chapter because it's sooo easy and just long and boring, but there was a lot of difficulty here within the first three turns, even. AND I HAVE 90 IMAGES! As opposed to the usual average of 45~ or so. I'm gonna do a unit rundown at the end of every chapter where I get new units. They're just gonna be walls of text and they're not very researched-based but read them if you want. Without further ado, I present to you Chapter 5x: Unbroken Heart. [spoiler=Ephrika joins the crew] If you thought I was joking when I said Ephrika, well... I wasn't. This is pretty weird. Right off the bat this is pretty bad. My units do damage but can't take damage or get doubled. Forde puts on the hurt pretty well, though, and you can see his crazy high defense doing work. Kyle's low skill is low but he manages to whomp this guy. And having forgot that archers will oneshot Kyle and Ephraim has 4 move, this is preeeeetty much over. Oh, what the fuck? It wasn't even Kyle that died! Just trying out new things. I like having fliers for this chapter However again it's not the person who i expect to die that dies So many Journeymen GO FORDE! (he missed) GO EPHRAIM! And the cleanup crew takes out this soldier slowly but surely Orson has no fucking speed God damn it Forde, am I gonna have another Lance from my failed FE6 run? Looks like Forde managed to hit though. Orson takes out this shithead. ... On second thought I should've focused on the Fighter eat shit, Kyle. The Godfighter looms in the distance you better not fuck this up Franz is going to be the only reason this chapter is possible, since Orson has no enemy phase Okay so now kill the fighter And then the WEAKLING Mercenary. Good teamwork boisssss Alright now that we finally got the first 3 turns down pat we can take this chapter one step at a time! Get dunked fuckboy I have a need for speed but that is fine too. orson will tank this fighter i sware on me mum Sir Missalot doesn't miss a lot, to be quite frank I fucking lied. But Kyle manages to save the day, and not be a total piece of shit AND ORSON GOES NINJA MODE AND DOES NOT DIE! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE This shithead chips Ephraim's health BUT ALL THAT HAPPENS IS HE GETS DUNKED LIKE THE BITCH HE IS CUTE! NOT CUTE! Ephraim is so weak! dude can't even double a knight (not that it would matter) Kyle probably potato chips this clown and Ephraim wipes him up, scoring a sexy level Kyle spins his spear like a baton and fucks up this soldier, but then gets a completely ass level. Forde gets this soldier's health low and restores my faith in him. He also even looks like his sprite as far as hair goes, which is cool I guess. Kyle you fucking nerd. That was almost spooky. Can we do it? I really need better image editing software. Kyle gets a great offensive level and he's already the dankest tank Peg ever so whatever. DA CREW closes in on the throne room, taking one victim at a time. Forde gets his kicks on chips and procs the best level I've seen all day. Shamans seem to have completely terrible move, as well as mages and apparently Eirika lords. May the forde be with you Shamans are also really shit lmfao Forde dunking the fuck out of these nooblords but getting ALL THE LUCK in return No joke, I used almost all of my Elixirs and Vulneraries. Wow what an amazing display of power and speed! dude hits like a truck and has 41 avoid on that stupid throne. too bad ephraim has 19 skill! I basically already have, dude. Now you're the one who's outnumbered- 4 to 1... fuckboy gets shit on and Ephraim caps Skill like a boss. I miiiiiiiight've stopped playing to talk in IP Chat a couple times. Sorry Ephraim.... Let's just run out of the castle. What could go wrong? Oh that could go wrong For some reason General Valter is applauding my antics! Bravo! LOL you fucking wish, I bet Orson could oneshot all of your stupid Wyverns. Orson? Orson? WHERE DID U GO ORSON WHATF THEUFCK NO DUDE FUCKING CUT AND RUN ORSON LEFT But I love ice cream! ohhh shitttttttttt. Yeah Prepare to suck my nuts [spoiler=unit rundown] Ephraim, Ephraim, Ephraim. 4 move is a joke, and his defenses and HP are shit, but he had 18 skill at level 4. His Con is terrible but his 11 base speed might make up for it in the end, considering Swords are almost always super light. He has two heavy swords right now (steel and armorslayer) so I don't think he doubles anything, but his EPHRAIM growths will ensure that his strength climbs as well as his luck and defenses, a little. He capped skill at level 6 though, which is pretty funny. Forde is the bread and butter of this team. He has crazy high strength, period. As a level six probably T1 recruit, his strength was basically off the charts and his low skill is completely offset by lances being fairly accurate for the most part. Plus, he does 25 damage at a time, which is nothing to shake a leg at. I forget what the promotion option is for Recruit other than Super Recruit (I think it's Paladin) but all of T0 Recruit's paths seem like perfect fits for his growths and bases. Even General would be cool. But again, I'm sure he's already T1. I'm glad I picked him up. Kyle sucks. For real. He is flying wet paper. His bases would be bad for a level 5 even in vanilla, I think. However he has 19 fucking aid and a crazy high base Res, as well as decent def and passable speed- offset by his awful Con. With Kyle's growths, he'll be a super weird Pegasus Knight but he's part of my endgame team so I'll have to make do. He is a canto flier though, which is important in this game considering monsters (gargoyles) don't get canto. Orson is a traitor. Period. He's a god though and his crazy strength and skill will be put to good use for this chapter. Also, when I have to kill him, it'll be super fucking easy because he's a Sniper that doesn't move. Hilarious. I also forgot to take his items but whatever, pretty sure it was just two crappy bows.

i mean i really dont want to change anything i already feel cheap enough arena abusing... I probably will have to though at the rate franz is going, what a sack of shit

dude had a pork duel with callaech and then wrote a book about it. Franz used Old Man x Callaech Lemon! Fap Skill increased [spoiler=pic dump] Hax right here. I gave up on Eirika because it was just so tedious. had her support with seth so he had 34 hit on the bush and no crit and she was doing 5 at a time, blah blah. I promise this LP will get interesting soon. Obligatory buttsex joke. [spoiler=unit rundown] Neimi is a healbot but like, she has shitty MAG. Her other offensive stats are going to wind up pretty OK but she has NO HP and her heals are never gonna be too amazing. Hopefully I'll pick up some energy rings for her and she'll start proccing MAG. Eirika and Vanessa are basically the same unit but Eirika has less HP and an actual CON stat. As well as more RES and a better promotion. They both almost completely blow, there were points where both of them were getting killed in 15 arena matches in a row (you have to revert to savestate, decline the match, and then go to the next one- they were losing dozens in a row. Oh my god.) and that can also be attributed to the fact that the arena is broken in a randomizer where you switch up the enemy growths, the Bandits and Fighters were doing 20 damage and hitting with 30's (that's just bad luck really) and the Shamans were doubling Franz (that's just complete bullshit). Franz is okay. Whatever dude, he's got a strong weapon class and is a horseman. What's bullshit is that he has no Canto, I might put up a poll about whether or not I should go add canto to monsters. Then when he's promoted he'll just be a Warrior with Canto and what's not to love? Garcia is actually a god, his stats are pretty much stellar. The problem is he has nooooooo HP. I'll hopefully be able to pump some Seraph Robes into his sweet gargoyle bod. Seth is probably going to be used a lot less and I'll work on grouping units together to get supports (no eirika will not finish her support with Seth) and hopefully I can phase Gilliam out in chapter 6. Chapter 5 is the chapter where things start really picking up in the game, and now that I have an actual team I can put more commentary into it. Again I apologize for the slow start. Let's get this show on the road for real!

Alright everybody except Seth is absolute garbage. I haven't used savestates yet but I will try to arena abuse. With them. [spoiler=Seth Emblem] Those double digits boi. I can't use my baby Lute :( Too bad everybody has no health Except Vanessa, but she's fucking garbage. Franz's SKL is beyond bad. Hashtag secret book next chapter! He still killed this clown That's no way to talk about your wife. Use ur sword as a shield i mean it's bigger than your entire fucking leg just hold it up Ur killin me Gargcia fffffff ffff [spoiler=the threesome] Neimi will PROBABLY die. **RIP** Take two! I dont even they just dont live. take three! killing edge hype Seth hype I didnt even alter the growths dude everybody is just really THIS BAD That chapter was not entertaining, for me or for the readers. I apologize. [spoiler=GRIND INC] !This chapter WILL HAVE ARENA ABUSE! and also no new endgame units. So, that's a thing. However, next chapter (5x, the dumbest chapter ever) I get three new endgame units. SO THAT'S COOL! 8 move hype, will be pretty easy to get to Joshua! Amirite? Ohhhh noooo... Also his str! Oh jesus! Oh good golly christ! Oh lordy! Alright I'm gonna take this chapter one turn at a time, I'm gonna do it calmly and coolly and I'm not gonna lose any units. And by that I mean bUMRUSH HYAAAAAAAA really vanessa is just not up to par on the myrmidon thing These bandits, man. They have fucking 8 move and suuuuch high bases. Speaking of. Actually no I'm a Cleric and that's against my religion, so check your priv- I mean, YARRRRRRRRRR! DANCE, LASS! You are so bad! Fuck! Axereaver is the MVP of this chapter. lol jk it's seth Finally Franz hits something. BAAAAAAAAAKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! Seth does everything part three. Healbot go! This is a sticky situation. For Eirika or Vanessa... Okay everybody, SURPRISE BUTTSEX didnt work so everybody hang back and let Seth do everything again. **Now reminder I took Gilliam and am using Seth because I only have my ENDGAME team picked, that doesnt mean I can't use other people right up until I get to Lyon. Everybody's just all out of position, this is a mess, nobody does damage besides Seth, and just ughh. I dont want to lose any units. I thought about not restarting, but I gotta. Move Seth to the front because nobody else even matttttttters Oh wow I am quite surprised. MVP MVP WELL, RIP VILLAGE LOL franz gets skill! savestate was made here. Joshua is in front of Franz and I have to put everybody in a scary spot in order to save the secret book and get joshua as well as get people out of harm's way. Fucking 8 move. Savestate reverted. Mediocre level and better placement. Rescue ftw. Nice hax bro. get schooled on, worth. Okay I'm gonna end this post here. Some arena abusing will be done now. bye bye The next episode/post will just be an arena montage. Savestates used (outside of Arena): 1 dragonshield poll added i guess. secret book going to franz edit: also a sidenote this isnt really that HARD it's just incredibly tedious when only one unit can take 2 hits and orko generic baddies lol

She might turn out amazing, bro. Heroes are so good that who knows how she could end up. unless you heathens pick RANGER Yeah it makes the game even shittier for me because now that I KNOW that Franz is ass I have to use him anyway! JUST DO IT there's a party where [spoiler=The Bandits of Bongo] they stole all the drums! first of all GTFO fuccboi. EVERYBODY OUT "I guess I might as well move exactly one tile to the right of the tile I'm meant to be on." Colm lets Eirika look at his Chests in his stead. You legit? FIIIIIIIIIIIINALLY a RAAAAAAAAAAAANGED weapon not doubling DREAM team confirmed God this chapter is dull. Lol What U Doin Boi Franz really? I know there's a disadvantage but really? WHHHHHHHHHHJ so IN CASE YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN A GARGOYLE CRIT IT'S FUCKING SCARY https://youtu.be/DM3D_Egf59E?t=2m9s ALSO 39/5 CRIT thanks anna SO SLOOOW Woah! A little bit too much excitement for these old bones! GOD SHIT FUCK BALS ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS The ONESHOT too strong. New plan Seth takes over. WRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAA! CRITICAL HIT BOOOOOOOOOOOOSH Fuck you Vanessa. Get spanked. FUCK you Vanessa. oh my GOD NOW I HAVE TO RESTART THE WHOLE CHAPTER I NEED THAT VULNERARY EAT SHIT kid. bye Colm Man this chapter sure is TOUGH! Yikes All in a Phase's work. aaaaaand

four new units here, two i can use. [spoiler=but i'll use seth anyway] Thanks Gayden Is this supposed to be plot? Meet Garg-cia. Our first new playable unit. He has 5 move! That's ass! Everything else is okay/great though. WHat a fuckin joker this kid has 3 speed, thank god he's not an endgamer My other new unit. She has growths and bases befitting a Myrmidon, iirc. Mouldog. Growths are ass for Doog. Glad I don't use him. That luck tho. Sain? I was scared Ross would die but nope.png Dawg op Franz might need a bit of babying. Boner is still a bandito. Yikes! Gargcia is strong! Meanwhile Franz gets the hell out of dodge. Um. Okay. Vanessa is getting doubled with that Steel Blade. DUESSEL! JK seth here Lol he got boned. Yeah, uh. No more steel blade for a while, okay honey? YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYIKE More like BUTTHROAT It is I, Marissa! I mean, Mia! I mean, Fir! I mean... The thing is they don't hit Eirika or Vanessa ever, so like... Swarm is ok. speeding things up/saving franz from the 8 move bandits. Or not speeding anything up because Seth ONLY has a 95% hit rate, so bad omg. Another one bites the dust Yass, strength Risky, but moulder has his back if he FUCKS up. Gottem. Shitty level though. Need skill. Nice 8 move bro. The old vaneirika combo. At least she's getting Myrm levels. Actually I don't care about your shitty son at all! FOR FREE ? ILL TAKE IT also real spoiler this time [spoiler=colm and neimi] Neimi is usable so Gilliam is getting the BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENCH I could literally do this all day so I'm gonna start a randomized run on a different file (that is, a different copy of the game) Meet FRANZ AND GILLIAM lol

Snoop Dogg approves of this title More like monkey. [spoiler=i wanna dive in][spoiler=starting off with a big, awfully edited pic and an offensive joke!] actually, he is male. More BONK. Missed the dialogue here, it was funny as heck but it's gone now. Shitpriest is shit. Franz is usable and poisonous, go figure. He's also stronk. ONE WHIFF Also using Gilliam until i get a fieldable healer or my units can sustain themselves without one. BONKED to near death. Well, I guess these HAMMERMEN must be pretty strong. But 20 str seth is brokesauce. last ignite tick killed him, GG SMACKED with a big axe. She needs this more than Seth does. You joking? I'll just get these cretins, maybe Erik can level up and get strong enough to hurt the boss. Well. Seth it is.

[spoiler=giant pic animu bikini] Prologue in my last post