Rate this essay

[Doom103]

The ending is corny and sucks and I'm not a writer, but what do you think?

Snow White Beaches, gorgeous women, mouth seducing cuisine and "party hard parties" are only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my hometown. I have lived in these parts ever since my youngest memory, and every day here is an adventure. You would be suffocated in things to do while here, it could range to taking a visit to many of the radiant beaches here or exploring the vast city or maybe see the most intense wild life tour you will ever see!! Over here we have plenty to do. Being more glamorous than Rome, more alive than Vegas, heck we sleep less than New York! Miami. Now there is a place to visit.

First off, Miami's beaches are rivaled by no one. Sand as smooth as silk, and water so blue it seems as if it were blessed by the God Posiden himself. Such a sight. Our beaches have a ton to do, a popular option is to just lay out under the warn blanket of the suns rays, maybe get a stunning golden crisp tan. Try to enjoy the endless, majestic beauty of the endless waves crashing upon the bay. Watch the beautiful people walk across the beach, people in Miami are great looking, men and women. If your not much of a site seer, then hop into the water were there are various things to do. Our calm clear blue waters just call out to boaters: Fish, Ski, swim do it all! The waters here are amazing for water skiing. There are not dangerous species in the bays so if you fall you don't have to worry, 95% of aquatic community in Miami is harmless and the other 5% is in much deeper waters off the coast. After a long day of activity wallow it the beauty and grace of a Miami sunset.

Moreso, our city is phenomenal. We have outstanding architecture: American Airlines Arena and the Miami Skyline, only to name a few. In those structures are some of the finest restaurants in the states. Culinary Giant Emeril Lagasses owns a restaurant here in Miami, and you could bet your life that the food is top notch, amazing! Emeril also says " Miami is home to some of the greatest restaurants in the U.S.A." those include the moth watering steak at Ruth Kris, the off the hook sea food at the Rusty Pelican and among others, Flemming, Hustons, and Mortons. After an extravagant dinner head over to a Night club. There are even all age night clubs for teens. Dance and club all night! If you can miraculously find the strength, catch a late night movie at one of out many movie theaters. Once your finding a place to stay go take a gander at the 4 seasons hotel, legendary for hosting the Victoria's Secret fashion show.When you wake up the next morning you have all day to find a new adventure!

The everglades. What a beauty! The everglades is a swampland which is home to thousands of animal species. From the common fly to fierce Floridian Alligators. You can take a nice calm boat tour and view all the majestic birds, it can range from Flamingos to Herons, from pidgins to Cranes. Anything! If your more hardcore take a hike and have an aligator be your shadow. Walk beside them enjoy their presence. The swamps also have a diverse set of plant life. God know how many species. Most common are the famous Floridian mangroves. Experts are trying to salvage what ever is left of this sacred plant, which is home to many animals, birds and fish. A while ecosystem is in that tree, several food chains and several ways of life!

Does this not sound like a blast! Too much to do perhaps? Come here to my hometown of Miami to have the time of your live! Bring your friends, family children, anyone! See our Beaches and magnificent city. So come on and let's go!

This was 2pgs long on paper -_-

Edited January 20, 2009 by Doom_Dragon_103

[noremaC]

That was good. Excellent imagery and description.

8-9/10

[Destiny Hero]

The whole thing was just downright boring, with no emotion until the last part. The whole essay in general looks like the script for a cheesy advertisement for something no one would ever consider buying.

[_____]

The whole thing was just downright boring, with no emotion until the last part. The whole essay in general looks like the script for a cheesy advertisement for something no one would ever consider buying.

Ignore this comment, Doom.

[Destiny Hero]

Ignore this comment, Doom.

Ignore this comment, Doom. He didn't think it was perfect, so he must be a troll.

[_____]

Ignore this comment, Doom. He didn't think it was perfect, so he must be a troll.

Yes, I was the one who pulled shit out of his ass without knowing what he was talking about while critiquing this story. You should totally ban me.

People like Shuuda and Wanderer don't think stories are perfect. Far from it. They, however, give intelligent critiques and don't go "lol u suck im awesum".

[Doom103]

Wait, Ninji. Dhero any reason to back up such strong words?

Edited January 8, 2009 by Doom_Dragon_103

[Rei Rei]

The ending IS corny, but I liked it., 8/10

LOLZ, you forgot the CSI. How could you forget CSI?

[Herr Wozzeck]

Oh, hey, it's my hometown!

Being a bit nitpicky since this is my hometown I'm talking about here, should I mention that Downtown Miami is literally dead? All the activity goes on in South Beach or whatever. Also, some parts of Downtown are actually pretty dingy, and there are quite a few homeless people in downtown as well. Trust me, I'd know this after going to high school in the Downtown area for four years.

But it's still nicely written I give it 8.1/10

[Fox]

Is this an essay or tourist brochure? It's a mess, all over, and that's not including the spelling errors, and uh, poor descriptors (Mouth seducing?). I'd advise rewriting the entire piece sans the flowery garbage. ("and water so blue it seems as if it were blessed by the God Poseiden himself." Gag me).

Were I your instructor, I wouldn't even grade this.

[Judge Judy]

The whole thing was just downright boring, with no emotion until the last part. The whole essay in general looks like the script for a cheesy advertisement for something no one would ever consider buying.

Your stupid, end of discussion. Not one will bother taking the shit that comes from your mouth seriously.

Anyway

Doom yeah that was good piece of essay. 8/10

[Fox]

Doom yeah that was good piece of essay. 8/10

No it's not. As a formal piece, this fails in just about every imaginable way. The tone is too informal, the "facts" provided in it can all be followed with [sic], and there are a slew of spelling and grammatical errors. It's cutesy, flowery drivel.

Of course, it would help if I knew what kind of essay it's supposed to be.

[Judge Judy]

No it's not. As a formal piece, this fails in just about every imaginable way. The tone is too informal, the "facts" provided in it can all be followed with [sic], and there are a slew of spelling and grammatical errors. It's cutesy, flowery drivel.

Of course, it would help if I knew what kind of essay it's supposed to be.

Ah..whatever...I judged on if I enjoyed reading it or not. But I suppose we all have our own opinion ^_^

[Esau of Isaac]

The first paragraph felt incredibly redundant. By the time I got to "Over here we have plenty to do", I felt it was getting far too noticeable. That, and most of the sentences here also seemed to make no sense at times. For example, "Being more glamorous than Rome, more alive than Vegas, heck we sleep less than New York! Miami". The "Being" should be entirely excised, and the Miami should follow with a semicolon. The paragraph seems like an informal piece, but the words and overall feeling of it don't feel informal enough.

Just like the first, the second seems to get redundant after a short amount of time. And the sentences themselves seemed somewhat disjointed, the transition between one to another feels awkward. And I'm have to go with Fox here, a lot of the language here just sounds out of place. The blessings of Poseidon thing does not come out well at all.

The third paragraph just feels like a mess; none of the sentences really flow at all. Even the first sentence doesn't validate it as a paragraph; it's essentially just stating what you've already tried to do beforehand. All of your facts just feel like you threw them in haphazardly; they're out of place and very awkward. In addition to this, most of the essay contained bad spelling or an overall issue with grammar.

I would really, really recommend you rewrite this and try to strengthen your overall movement from statement to statement. It feels rigid, and I had to stop more than once to get a bearing for what was being said.

Edited January 8, 2009 by Esau of Isaac

[Doom103]

The first paragraph felt incredibly redundant. By the time I got to "Over here we have plenty to do", I felt it was getting far too noticeable. That, and most of the sentences here also seemed to make no sense at times. For example, "Being more glamorous than Rome, more alive than Vegas, heck we sleep less than New York! Miami". The "Being" should be entirely excised, and the Miami should follow with a semicolon. The paragraph seems like an informal piece, but the words and overall feeling of it don't feel informal enough.

Just like the first, the second seems to get redundant after a short amount of time. And the sentences themselves seemed somewhat disjointed, the transition between one to another feels awkward. And I'm have to go with Fox here, a lot of the language here just sounds out of place. The blessings of Poseidon thing does not come out well at all.

The third paragraph just feels like a mess; none of the sentences really flow at all. Even the first sentence doesn't validate it as a paragraph; it's essentially just stating what you've already tried to do beforehand. All of your facts just feel like you threw them in haphazardly; they're out of place and very awkward. In addition to this, most of the essay contained bad spelling or an overall issue with grammar.

I would really, really recommend you rewrite this and try to strengthen your overall movement from statement to statement. It feels rigid, and I had to stop more than once to get a bearing for what was being said.

Thank you, I am gonna re-write it, and take all what you said into consideration

[Agro]

Too much "me, my and we". Shouldn't be included at all, since says are not supposed to have personal remark. The only exception is when you write an expository essay.

Since I don't know what type of essay it is, I'll just give it a general rating.

3/10.

This is barely an essay. There's so much personal remark it's not funny, and you use too many similes. Similes should be reserved for creative writing, not for essays.

I'm going to agree with Destiny Hero on this one. Why? Because Destiny Hero is in the right and you guys are being faggots by instantly rejecting everything the black sheep says.

Edit: Replaced "synonyms" with "similes" because I'm a dumbass.

Edited January 9, 2009 by Lachesis

[Doom103]

Too much "me, my and we". Shouldn't be included at all, since says are not supposed to have personal remark. The only exception is when you write an expository essay.

Since I don't know what type of essay it is, I'll just give it a general rating.

3/10.

This is barely an essay. There's so much personal remark it's not funny, and you use too many synonyms. Synonyms should be reserved for creative writing, not for essays.

I'm going to agree with Destiny Hero on this one. Why? Because Destiny Hero is in the right and you guys are being faggots by instantly rejecting everything the black sheep says.

Alright, I was taught to be descrptive in my writing bu using aloy of adj.

It's a persuasive eassy

Thanks for the rating guys I really appreciate it

Guy remember kill me if it's bad tell me so I get get a decent grade.

[Agro]

Mm, the difference is that you're using similes (comparatives, "like a hot knife through butter") as opposed to actual adjectives ("arduous journey"). Similes are fine but you need to be able to use them the right amount of times.

Edited January 9, 2009 by Lachesis