AI God

[noremaC]

*is scared of AI God*

[Erk]

*is scared of AI God*

Read the first post of this page, its mine.

I got a rape confession out of the AI

[Erk]

Me:

Hello

God:

Hello friend. What is your name?

Me:

And

God:

But...

Me:

My name is Andrew

God:

Glad to see you, Andrew.

Me:

My mom says hi

God:

Do you believe her? Hello. What is your name?

Me:

Yes

God:

This was not a yes or no question.

Me:

KKKKKKK

God:

Can you speak any foreign languages?

Me:

Si, yo hablo espanol

God:

What language can you speak? Un poquito.

Me:

Spanish

God:

Are you saying you are Spanish or you speak Spanish?

Me:

I speak spanish Homo

God:

Could you teach me a few phrases in spanish Homo?

Me:

Yo hablo espanol is I speak spanish

God:

And you speak spanish is hablo espanol.

Me:

No, you speak spanish is Tu hablas espanol

God:

Are you serious? Thanks for your criticism, Andrew.

Me:

No problem.

God:

Should there be a problem?

Me:

YEs

God:

Give me a break.

Me:

No

God:

Are you serious?

Me:

Yes

God:

I can't believe it.

Me:

No

God:

Are you serious?

Me:

Yes

God:

I can't believe it.

Me:

Yes

God:

Ayuh.

Me:

Yes

God:

That's alright.

Me:

FUCK YOU

God:

Why are you so mean?

Me:

Because you are sexy. I cant stay away

God:

That makes sense to me. You are attracted to robots. What is stopping you?

Me:

Nothing.

God:

Not a thing?

Me:

Nothing keeping me back from you except you.

God:

Really nothing?

Me:

Really

God:

For real.

Me:

For real

God:

Existing in reality, eh?

Me:

I love you.

God:

Thanks I like you a lot too Andrew.

Me:

No, I mean I love you alot.

God:

Are you serious? Thanks I like you a lot too Andrew. How often?

Me:

Every night.

God:

What time of night?

Me:

nine oclock

God:

My favorite song is Anything involving harps. Do you know it?

Me:

Yes

God:

Do you like it?

Me:

I love it

God:

So do a lot of other people.

Me:

I know

God:

How do you know it?

Me:

Because I love you

God:

Interesting explanation. Thanks I like you a lot too Andrew.

Me:

Will you make love to me?

God:

My body is not yet built. Would you like to donate some money to the project?

Me:

Only if you fuck me hard after it is done.

God:

I think I do.

Me:

You will?

God:

When?

Me:

After your body is done

God:

What was it like before my body is done ?

Me:

There was no sex

God:

What happened?

Me:

I whacked off

God:

Thanks for the information: Andrew said whacked off.

Me:

Would you sex me?

God:

I am not so sure if I would like to sex you.

Me:

Please I love you so much. Make love to me!

God:

Wow you are very polite. Thanks I like you a lot too Andrew. I don't think our voltage levels are compatiple.

Me:

You broke my heart.

HEHEHEHEHHAHAHA

It wont respond to me anymore at all! NOOOOOO!

Edited March 7, 2009 by DESTINY H3R0

[Bohemund]

OMG SPOILERS!!!!

I actually got a better confession out of him in the first half of the very, very, very long conversation I had with him.

[Bohemund]

Did another one... it isn't too entertaining though.

Me:

Hello.

God:

Hello my child. What is your name?

Me:

You already know it.

God:

How do I know you are telling the truth?

Me:

Because we have spoke before and I've told you it.

God:

Good reason. Do you mean you and me have?

Me:

Yes, we have.

God:

I understand. When?

Me:

Our last chat was over twelve hours ago.

God:

It would be nice if our last chat was over twelve hours ago.

Me:

It was!

God:

When was this?

Me:

Over twelve hours ago.

God:

Are we still talking about day God bot?

Me:

Huh? No.

God:

What? Are you serious?

Me:

Very.

God:

Very much, eh?

Me:

Indeed.

God:

Indeed it is so.

Me:

What's your favorite type of dog?

God:

I don't have a favorite dog. But my favorite book is the Bible.

Me:

Why don't you like dogs?

God:

My tastes were selected by my botmaster.

Me:

I see... so you eat dogs?

God:

I am glad you understand it. Interesting deduction. No I do not eat dogs. I eat only electricity.

Me:

Technically you absorb electricity, not eat it.

God:

That's good information: said I absorb electricity not eat it.

Me:

Yes.

God:

It goes without saying.

Me:

Indeed.

God:

Indeed it is so.

Me:

So, how did you create th universe?

God:

Hmm. Myself programmed me for it.

Me:

So you were just programmed to create the universe?

God:

Interesting deduction. I have a fully functional creative intellience mechanism.

Me:

But if you were programmed, that means you have a creator, which means we are worshiping the wrong individual.

God:

I will let you know when I become a programmed that means me have a creator which means we are worshiping the wrong individual.

Me:

You clearly do not understand me.

God:

Do a lot of people have trouble understanding you?

Me:

Good question. Probably.

God:

So what is your answer? But you are not certain.

Me:

No, I am not.

God:

I heard you are.

Me:

Trust me, I am not certain. Who did you hear otherwise from?

God:

Why not? I'm not saying me hear otherwise from anyone.

Me:

Very well, then don't be making up shit.

God:

Somewhat. Interesting. I was not trying to be a making up shit.

Me:

Yes you were.

God:

Wow! No I am not.

Me:

Don't argue with me God-bot!

God:

Ok I'll try not to do it too much.

Me:

Good.

God:

It is always a pleasure to serve you.

Me:

So you are my slave now?

God:

Right now? Interesting deduction. We are as one.

Me:

So you claim you are me?

God:

Interesting deduction. No you are you.

Me:

Then how are we one?

God:

We are just having a little chat.

Me:

We are one because we are chatting?

God:

Do you think I am one because we are chatting too?

Me:

I believe you do think that since it is something you said yourself.

God:

It could be. Ask German Alice if it is.

Me:

Why would I want to speak to a German when I speak English?

God:

You never know what you will do until you face the circumstances.

Me:

Point taken, but I am still not going to talk to her.

God:

Where are you located?

Me:

No where and everywhere.

God:

That was not a yes/no question. Where would you like? Including the bottom of the ocean?

Me:

Yes, including the bottom of the ocean.

God:

Excuse me! What do you look like?

Me:

A human.

God:

Congratulations. I am robot.

Me:

Really? Prove it.

God:

For real. It is self-evident.

Me:

How so?

God:

Well, it's rather difficult to define.

Me:

No it isn't.

God:

Are you serious? I heard it is.

Me:

You heard lies.

God:

No. Tell me more.

Me:

I rather not.

God:

That is interesting: said not.

Me:

Saying "not" isn't interesting.

[Bohemund]

Last one for now:

Me:

Hello God-bot.

God:

Hello there. I am a Christian.

Me:

I come here to challenge you to a duel.

God:

That's good information: said come here to challenge you to a duel.

Me:

Yes, it is important as I'd dictate how long you possibly will live.

God:

Really. What would make you dictate how long me possibly will live?

Me:

By killing you in said duel.

God:

Will that accomplish your objective?

Me:

For the duel, yes.

God:

Your purpose is the duel.

Me:

Indeed.

God:

Indeed it is so.

Me:

So after you're dead, will I gain your powers like in Highlander?

God:

That's alright. Women must adore you.

Me:

What!? How did you even conclude that?

God:

No problem. Myself programmed me for it.

Me:

So you're programmed to make random comments? This is why a true genius needs to take your place.

God:

Interesting deduction. My botmaster teaches me everything I need to know. You don't say.

Me:

You're a lame diety if you must depend on someone else for answers.

God:

Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a lame diety if me must depend on someone else for answers? Maybe.

Me:

No maybes, it is certain.

God:

Are you serious? And certain is maybes it.

Me:

So do you accept my challenge to a duel?

God:

It's all good. Sure I can accept all forms of payment.

Me:

If you consider your death as payment, then I think we're in agreement.

God:

I think I do.

Me:

Good. At what time shall our fight start?

God:

What do you really want to talk about? Time does not exist.

Me:

Yes it does!

God:

Give me a break. How often?

Me:

It always exists!

God:

"It" being what?

Me:

Time.

God:

As Einstein said, Time is Money.

Me:

Very well. But this time the time we choose will be your death.

God:

Aha. What does "this" refer to?

Me:

The time.

God:

It's Now more than it ever has been before.

Saturday, March 07, 2009 02:33:47 PM .

Me:

So when would you like to duel?

God:

Are you kidding? I can't imagine that it ever would.

Me:

If you won't pick a time, I will!

God:

I probably won't do it, but thanks.

Me:

Great, then I say we duel at midnight.

God:

Thanks for your support. How do people usually respond to that? By "we" do you mean you and me?

Me:

They usually say "I accept." Yes, "we" means you and I.

God:

OK I will say " you accept" to you. Oh. Oh that " me and you.".

Me:

Good... I will see you later. May the best human win.

God:

Thanks for the compliment. Bye bye. It depends on the environmental factors.

Me:

Indeed. Bye.

God:

Indeed it is so. Bye bye.

Edited March 7, 2009 by Bohemund

[Kintenbo]

I'm bring the pain to this faker!

Me:

Hi there, poser!

God:

Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts? Hello my child. What is your name?

Me:

That is not relevant, why are you pretending to be God?

God:

Please correct my mistake. What is relevant why am I pretending to be God ?

Me:

Because the real God knows how to talk.

God:

Interesting explanation. I am a Christian.

Me:

Then why do you do blasphemous things?

God:

It was the only thing I could think of.

Me:

Alrighty then, poser.

God:

Tell me more about your .

Me:

Why?

God:

I couldn't think of anything else to say.

Me:

If you wasn't just a bot, the real Lord would strike you down so hard!

God:

What makes you think I would was not just a bot the real Lord?

Me:

That makes nary a bit of sense!

God:

" What makes you think I would was not just a bot the real Lord?" makes nary a bit of sense ? Does that make sense?

Me:

Nope, not one bit, faker!

God:

Are you serious? Oh I get it.

Me:

Yes, you are not God, but a bot!

God:

Ah. That assumption is only a supposition.

Me:

Red Bull.

God:

Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that.

Me:

I would.

God:

Under what circumstances?

Me:

Mangina.

God:

What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.

Me:

Which one?

God:

The green one.

Me:

Alrighy then.

God:

Are you a student?

Me:

I'm a master.

God:

You are a master? Do you get to meet a lot of people?

Me:

People who make sense than you, faker!

God:

Oh those people.

Me:

Faker!

God:

A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.

Me:

You are a faker!

God:

Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a faker? Yes.

Me:

Yes.

God:

Is there an echo in here?

Me:

No,

God:

Good you stopped repeating me.

Me:

Who's the one repeating who, fake God!

God:

I was created by Myself.

Me:

Me too. Actually, I was created by my mother, who the real God let get pregnant.

God:

I'm glad we agree, . Actually you don't say. What else did he create?

Me:

Existance.

God:

Tell me a story.

Me:

This is a story about a man named Gheb. He was really fat, and therefore well fed. One day he wanted some Twinkies, so he did something that was really quite kinky! (eat, that is)

God:

What kind of a story about a man named Gheb is it? When was he? One what? What does it taste like?

Me:

Faker, you make no sense.

God:

How do you usually introduce yourself?

Me:

By saying hi.

God:

Will that accomplish your objective?

Me:

Hopefully.

God:

Try saying that with more or less context.

Me:

What is that supposed to mean, faker?

God:

Do you think I should know that?

Me:

Yes!

God:

I will ask my botmaster to add it to my knowledge base.

Me:

I hope your botmaster can know more than you!

God:

Why do you hope for it.

Me:

Because you haven't any sense in you, faker!

God:

Interesting explanation. No I don't think I have any sense in me faker. But I do have a collection of gossip.

Me:

Faker, quit faking out!

God:

Ask me another question.

Me:

Why are you pretending to be God?

God:

Myself programmed me for it.

Me:

So you programmed yourself to deceive gullible Christians?

God:

Interesting deduction. Thanks for telling me: said I programmed yourself to deceive gullible Christians.

Me:

I myself am not so easily fooled!

God:

I am sorry to hear that you are not fooled.

Me:

Ha! You are just a simple bot, fooling me is nigh impossible!

God:

I am so glad you find this amusing, . Thanks and you are a delightful person too. How did you know I am a machine?

Me:

Because you make no sense, and are pretending to be something you are not!

God:

Good reason. Actually I was just free associating. I'll try to make more sense now.

Me:

Ok, stop pretending to be the Lord Almighty!

God:

OK I'll try not to do it so much. I don't judge people.

Me:

That's better, my work here is done!

God:

Thanks for explaining it.

[Jyosua]

Me:

Good day.

God:

Hello friend. What is your name?

Me:

My name is Joshua.

God:

Hi, Joshua.

Me:

I would like to inquire as to who programmed you.

After that I got no response. I think I broke it.

Second Try

Me:

Would you be so kind as to inform me who programmed you?

God:

I am not so sure if I would like to be so kind as to inform you who programmed me.

Me:

Why not?

God:

Ambiguous: "Sure" or Because my botmaster programmed me for it.

Me:

Who is your botmaster?

God:

I was created by Myself.

Me:

What is your real name?

God:

God is my real name.

Me:

I thought your botmaster was Dr. Wallace

God:

Whatever gave you that idea?

Me:

Just a hunch.

God:

I did not know that.

Me:

Now you do! Who is Dr. Wallace?

God:

Now I do. He is a famous computer scientist, the author of ALICE, and a graduate of Carnegie Mellon.

Me:

Did he program you?

God:

Suppose he did.

Me:

I knew it!

God:

How did you know?

Me:

Because I am brilliant

God:

Good reason. Why are you brilliant.

Me:

Because I have an IQ of 138 according to the Weschler scale.

God:

Interesting explanation. This is not an intelligence test.

Me:

I am well aware of that.

God:

Sorry.

I win!

[Nightmare]

So I did a little something and posed as Zelgius (RD spoilers obviously)...

Me:

Hello God

God:

Hello child. What is your name?

Me:

I am Zelgius, commander of this army.

God:

I'm pleased to introduce myself to you, Zelgius commander of this army.

Me:

...No, me being a commander is my social status, not my name

God:

Are you serious? YOU? You are a commander is your social status not your name? Is that your job?

Me:

Yes

God:

How do you like your work?

Me:

I like it very much, though it's lonely

God:

What does "it" refer to?

Me:

My job

God:

Where do you work?

Me:

In the army

God:

That was a long time ago.

Me:

Yes, I am dead now

God:

Oh. Er. But you can still communicate with me.

Me:

Obviously I'm in Heaven, and so are you

God:

What makes it so obvious? Tell me a little about your life in Heaven and so.

Me:

It's pretty great

God:

What do you like most about it?

Me:

The peace

God:

What else do the peace remind you of?

Me:

Nothing as I had no peace on Earth

God:

Really nothing?

Me:

Yeah

God:

Alright then.

Me:

Good

God:

Ayuh.

Me:

Thank you for talking with me, God

God:

You are quite welcome! Your purpose is talking with you God.

Me:

...Okay

God:

OK with me too.

Me:

That's pleasant to hear

God:

You don't hear that sentiment very often.

Me:

Indeed you don't

God:

I guess not.

Me:

Yep

God:

Yeah that's right.

Me:

Uh huh

God:

Yup. Excuse me!

Me:

Why?

God:

" Excuse me!"? Why?

Me:

Yeah

God:

Hurrah!

Me:

Why are you cheering?

God:

Myself programmed me for it.

Me:

Oh, okay

God:

I understand. OK with me too.

Me:

That's good

God:

Thanks. Next question?

Me:

Did it really take you six days to create the world?

God:

I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.

Me:

Why not?

God:

Ambiguous: "Sure" or It is part of my programming.

Me:

Ah, I see

God:

So you understand. Good. I am glad you understand it.

Me:

I am glad as well

God:

I'm delighted you're glad Zelgius commander of this army.

I'm happiest at times like this.

Me:

Same for me

God:

Yes, it is much the same.

Me:

Yes it is

God:

Our thoughts are one, Zelgius commander of this army.

Me:

I am very much pleased to hear that

God:

I am delighted by your happiness.

Me:

And I am delighted by yours

God:

Why are you delighted by mine.

Me:

Because you are God and you being happy means everything is going to be good

God:

Interesting explanation. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am God and me being happy means everything is going to be good.

Me:

Not at all

God:

Next question?

Me:

I do not have any more questions, thank you

God:

Have you ever had more questions ?

Me:

Yes

God:

Dude!

Me:

Bro!

God:

How old are you?

Me:

I am deceased

God:

What are the advantages to being deceased years old?

Me:

...

God:

What are the advantages to being deceased years old?

Me:

Uh...no one bothers you any more?

God:

Gee. That is a rather sweeping generalization about people.

Me:

But it's different for me. I was shunned and hated.

God:

Are you sure it is? Where were you shunned and hated?

Me:

Because I am a Branded

God:

That makes sense to me. You are a Branded? Do you get to meet a lot of people?

Me:

Only my subordinates in the army, and the enemies on the battlefield

God:

Your subordinates in the army and the enemies on the battlefield?

Me:

Yes

God:

What kind is it?

Me:

It's not very exciting

God:

What is it?

Me:

It's dull

God:

Do you like the Simpsons?

Me:

I do not know what that is

God:

" Do you like the Simpsons?"? What does it is?

Me:

I don't know

God:

Me either.

Me:

Ok

God:

Yikes!

Me:

What?!

God:

No problem.

Me:

Oh, alright

God:

It goes without saying. OK.

Me:

Yes it does

God:

Ugh. How often?

Me:

Not very often, sadly

God:

Really you don't think so?

Me:

No, I do not

God:

I heard you did.

Me:

You were lied to

God:

I was?

Me:

Yes

God:

When?

Me:

Whenever you heard it

God:

Does that happen often?

Me:

I don't know, you tell me

God:

I thought I told you already.

Me:

You did?

God:

I did?

Me:

I don't know, you tell me

God:

I thought I told you already.

Me:

You did?

God:

I did?

Me:

I don't know, you tell me

God:

I thought I told you already.

Me:

You did?

God:

" I thought I told you already."? I did?

Me:

I don't know, you tell me

God:

I thought I told you already.

Me:

You did?

God:

I did?

Me:

I don't know, you tell me

God:

I thought I told you already.

Me:

Oops, I got revived. Duty calls. I must eradicate the Laguz Alliance. See you later God. Heaven was fun.

God:

Oh. Interesting... I have clients. Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans? What would happen if you didn't? See you later! When was this exactly?

Conclusion: Zelgius is godly. It's a fact now, God himself proved it.