Steven Tyler Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 Are you in high school or college? Wanna know the secrets to getting laid, having wild parties, and just not giving a fuck? Well you came to the right alpha male, my fellow bros and hos! Yeah, my name is Jason Coteralli, but my homeboys from North Jersey call me Big J. Unlike my other bros, I have some respect for all the nerds and losers that we see a lot of outside of Hollister, American Eagle, and Abercombe and Finch in the mall. And of course, you know we laugh at you and if we have any hos coming along for the ride (which is often, because we're pimp like that!), that they're laughing at you too and wouldn't even consider talking to you within a 5 foot radius. Anyway, onto the point, because I have a hot date with this smoking hot blonde babe that I just met at Starbucks not too long ago. I'm here to ask any questions you may have about things that you can't get but I and my fellow bros can: chicks, invitations to awesome parties and clubs, as well as being a huge douchebag in general. Wanna know how to score that hot chick you saw at the mall that I had blow me not too long ago? Just ask me! Wanna know the perfect angle to tip your baseball hat in order to make you stand out? Ask me! Wanna know what to wear to the club in order to get laid? Ask! Wanna know how to lift weights and show off your guns to everybody? You know who to call! Anyway, feel free to shoot. -Big J. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noremaC Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 Why is your forehead so shiny? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deity Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 Where did you get those cheap glasses? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steven Tyler Posted March 11, 2009 Author Share Posted March 11, 2009 Why is your forehead so shiny? I got some grease on my forehead. Where did you get those cheap glasses? Cheap? CHEAP?! Well, I'm a rich motherfucker that makes $25 Million a year and these sunglasses were on sell for $500, so yeah, by my standards, that's cheap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junkhead Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 Wow, can you really do that? Well, I don't dobt of you that much, you do look like the partying-housewrecking-awesome dude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deity Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 I got some grease on my forehead. Cheap? CHEAP?! Well, I'm a rich motherfucker that makes $25 Million a year and these sunglasses were on sell for $500, so yeah, by my standards, that's cheap. $500? $500!? Man, you are cheap. XD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steven Tyler Posted March 11, 2009 Author Share Posted March 11, 2009 Wow, can you really do that?Well, I don't dobt of you that much, you do look like the partying-housewrecking-awesome dude. Yeah, I can do whatever the fuck I want! Nobody can tell me what to do and if they do, they can fuck off. Hell fuckin' yeah. You wanna party with me? First, you gotta lose some weight and build some abs and shit. $500? $500!? Man, you are cheap. XD By my standards, you poor piece of shit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shuuda Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 So what is it you guys wanted to ask me? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deity Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 So what is it you guys wanted to ask me? Can you show a pic of yourself? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shuuda Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 Can you show a pic of yourself? Sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steven Tyler Posted March 12, 2009 Author Share Posted March 12, 2009 So what is it you guys wanted to ask me? How much you bench? I can bench 350 lbs. I ain't doin' no kilos for some Brit however so you figure it out. Also, are you an alpha male? How many hos you fucked? How many bros you got in your crew? How many clubs you been and got kick outta? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deity Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 Sure. Just as I thought. ^^ How much you bench? I can bench 350 lbs. I ain't doin' no kilos for some Brit however so you figure it out. Also, are you an alpha male? How many hos you fucked? How many bros you got in your crew? How many clubs you been and got kick outta? Those were win. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rodykitty Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 I wanna be just like you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deity Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 *Looks at ^'s avy and laughs* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steven Tyler Posted March 12, 2009 Author Share Posted March 12, 2009 I wanna be just like you! Look at my picture really close and focus your mind on becoming like me. Make sure you don't get any legal issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shuuda Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 (edited) How much you bench? I can bench 350 lbs. I ain't doin' no kilos for some Brit however so you figure it out. Well... I can lift a bench. Also, are you an alpha male? Kinda. How many hos you fucked? I usually do not have time for fucking them hoes. Too busy with these bombs. How many bros you got in your crew? This guy; this guy; this guy; and this guy. How many clubs you been and got kick outta? Every one I've ever been in. But it doesn't matter, since the bombs blow them up anyway. Edited March 12, 2009 by Shuuda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steven Tyler Posted March 12, 2009 Author Share Posted March 12, 2009 (edited) this guy. Man, that guy is a fuckin' pervert. Saw him hittin' on some jailbait at a club where I'm a bouncer. See, these two bitches had some fake I.D. saying they were 21 but they look like 15 so I told 'em either get the fuck outta my face or pay me $50 each. So yeah, they gave me some money and shit and when they got in the club, that pedofuck Narshen was rubbing his hand up heir skirts and I had to kick his ass out. I'm not also a douchebag, you see. Edited March 12, 2009 by Uncle_Snow's_Cabin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Der Kommissar Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 ........... ...................__ ............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸ ........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\ ........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...') .........\.................'...../ ..........''...\.......... _.·´ ............\..............( BRO FIST IF YOU DONT POST THIS TO 5 BROS THEN YOU ARENT A BRO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steven Tyler Posted March 12, 2009 Author Share Posted March 12, 2009 ..............................__ ............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸ ........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\ ........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...') .........\.................'...../ ..........''...\.......... _.·´ ............\..............( BRO FIST IF YOU DONT POST THIS TO 5 BROS THEN YOU ARENT A BRO Fuck yeah! I gotta question. What kinda girls ya into and I ain't talkin' about those naked drawn Fire Emblem hos you spank it to on yo computer, I mean real girls. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steven Tyler Posted March 12, 2009 Author Share Posted March 12, 2009 Anyone else wanna ask a douchebag something important? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Tarrasque Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 What's your favorite meal? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noremaC Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 What do blind people see? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steven Tyler Posted March 12, 2009 Author Share Posted March 12, 2009 What's your favorite meal? Anything with protein. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Tarrasque Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 What do you do in your daily douchebag routine? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steven Tyler Posted March 12, 2009 Author Share Posted March 12, 2009 What do you do in your daily douchebag routine? Here it is: (Weekdays) 7:00-8:30 AM: Get up, wake up girl I took from club, ask for a quicker, finish quickie and go to the shower. I take about 50 minutes to shower as I do my hair and I shave my body hair and other shit to look good. I spent the rest of the time fuckin' the ho I picked up from the club. 8:30-9:00 AM: Eat breakfast, watch the news, and get dress and hit the gym. 9:00-11:00 AM: Work out in the gym for hours on end. 11:30-12:30 PM: Lunch. Also, I hit on the ladies I'm having lunch with. 1:00-3:00PM: A nice nap and rest my body. 4:00-5:00PM: Take another shower and get my hair done and shit and eat dinner and get ready for clubbing or whatever. 5:30-8:30PM: Drive to my boys' house and pick 'em up in style. Before the clubs open we usually hit the local hot spot for chicks. 9:00PM-2:00AM: Go clubbin' and shit. Flirt with hos and get them drunk and they are just begging us to fuck 'em. Take the club hos back to our respective places and fuck 'em. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.