Certain...mysteries in Ocarina of Time...

[Nightmare]

I was thinking about this for a long time. There are a whole bunch of mysteries (and all of them related to sex) in Ocarina of Time. Here we go:

Mystery #1: How do the Kokiri reproduce?

My thoughts: They either spring from the ground or are actually the nuts that fall from the Great Deku Tree. They are also born as kids of around 10 years of age with common knowledge, skills and abilities from the get-go.

Possibility of this theory: Eh...I'd say it's so-so. A bit convincing, but nothing more.

Mystery #2: How exactly IS a male born once every 100 years in the Gerudo Tribe?

My thoughts: Well...this one is a bit tricky. I'm assuming every time Ganondorf appears/is born in the tribe, he hits up around 50 chicks so the tribe will sustain during his absence. But the thing is, that still doesn't answer this question. So let's go way back...when a certain male (Ganondorf) was first born. Or when he first brought the people together and made the tribe. I'm assuming this was done before OoT began time, since OoT seems to be the first game in the timeline (I hope, at least). Okay now...in OoT Ganondorf is apparently immortal, or turns immortal due to the power of the Triforce piece he possesses. So then...a male isn't born every 100 years but rather, reborn. Because there's absolutely no way pregnancy can last 100 years (give or take).

Possibility of this theory: Quite possible, considering there is no other way (that I know of) it could happen.

Mystery #3: Why does that one apprentice of the carpenter act flamboyant?

My thoughts: Well he's...homosexual, obviously. At first I thought he was just slightly effeminate/metrosexual when he commented on his soft hands being ruined by the work, but when he called Link a "cute boy" then I definitely knew something was going on. And that doesn't make him just homosexual, he's a paedophile as well. Sick bastard.

Possibility of this theory: Extremely likely, given that there is almost no room for doubt here.

Mystery #4: Who are the cursed family of Skulltulas and why are they cursed?

My thoughts: I'm thinking once upon a time, a family of one father and four sons were into incest and bondage but they couldn't get enough. So when they see this witch they ask her for supreme bondage. The witch, being disgusted, cursed them to turn into Skulltulas instead. All the bondage they could get! ...Except it wasn't so pleasant. They had it coming, the sick fucks.

But here's another question: Why do I think all of this? It's obvious. Once you free each boy, they jump up with huge grins on their faces. Obviously happy to be freed. And when you free the father, he does this homoerotic dance. Always. And has an overly happy expression on his face. Always. And gives you a large sum of rupees. ALWAYS. Obviously the rupee is him wanting Link to strip but since he's an idiot and knows nothing about this sort of stuff he thinks it's his reward. And the last question, but obviously not the least: Why are they happy to be freed? You're an idiot if you don't know the answer to this one.

Possibility of this theory: As possible as fanbrats becoming extinct. In other words, not at all possible. But at least I tried, and that's the only thing that counts, right?

Conclusion: I did a lot of thinking on this one. My brain almost melted.

I hope you all enjoyed reading and will debate this to its fullest extent with me.

[Zanarkin]

The Gerudo female go to castle town to breed... I think i heard that somewhere.

Edited May 3, 2010 by Ulki

[Nightmare]

It is said that the Gerudo women go to Hyrule Castle Town every once in a while to find a boyfriend. While that is true, I'm not sure if it actually means they have a child with that person. But even if that were to be true, it brings up the issue of how exact they must be, and the chances of a single male being born exactly when it has been one hundred years is low. Perhaps it's magic, but do remember that every single time, that single male has been Ganondorf and that Ganondorf has been the exact same Ganondorf we see in every single game that features Ganondorf.

[Wist]

Mystery #4: Who are the cursed family of Skulltulas and why are they cursed?

My thoughts: I'm thinking once upon a time, a family of one father and four sons were into incest and bondage but they couldn't get enough. So when they see this witch they ask her for supreme bondage. The witch, being disgusted, cursed them to turn into Skulltulas instead. All the bondage they could get! ...Except it wasn't so pleasant. They had it coming, the sick fucks.

But here's another question: Why do I think all of this? It's obvious. Once you free each boy, they jump up with huge grins on their faces. Obviously happy to be freed. And when you free the father, he does this homoerotic dance. Always. And has an overly happy expression on his face. Always. And gives you a large sum of rupees. ALWAYS. Obviously the rupee is him wanting Link to strip but since he's an idiot and knows nothing about this sort of stuff he thinks it's his reward. And the last question, but obviously not the least: Why are they happy to be freed? You're an idiot if you don't know the answer to this one.

Possibility of this theory: As possible as fanbrats becoming extinct. In other words, not at all possible. But at least I tried, and that's the only thing that counts, right?

I take offense to the degree of credibility you grant this explanation. No, I simply cannot believe you'd suggest what you did. The possibility of your hypothesis holding ground is much, much, greater than you say. Despite this, however, I believe I may be able to offer a few refinements to that which you've brought to the table.

There was a family of one father and four sons who were into incest and bondage. They were addicted to it the blissful ecstasy of their experimental activities to the point that they sought to find a witch who could grant them supreme bondage. In regard to this I can fathom no way in which my thinking might aberrate, but henceforth my hypothesis deviates from your own. I hope I can convince you of the probably accuracy of my own suggestions.

I propose the family was not composed of five members, but of six. Recall the crazy scientist at the Lake Hylia Laboratory, the one who asks Link to dive into his personal pool of love and filth (note that Link wears a skirt). I believe this man to be the grandfather in the Skulltula family. He has a similar face to that of the family members, one that is grotesque enough to make one's eyes bleed. I want to gouge my brain out with a spoon whenever I get a peek at his monstrous visage. The impossible sin of a human being that he is, he was clearly afflicted by the same curse as the sexually deviant Skulltula family.

When the troupe of incestuous adventurers managed to locate a witch with the ability to grant them the supreme bondage they so desperately desired, the grandfather must have recognized the witch as his niece and fled to Lake Hylia. Angered by the disgusted reaction of her uncle, the witch proceeded to curse each family member to supreme bondage with individual skulltulas. The grandfather in his laboratory must ask Link to run errands for him because he is permanently rooted to his massive, putrid, skulltula of a face.

The rest is as you discussed. The Skulltula family members are grateful for their rescue, and they perform erotic dances for Link at their leisure.

The other mysteries you've made note of I shall perhaps remark upon once I've had the opportunity to devote my mental energies to them.

Edited May 3, 2010 by 中国茶

[Nightmare]

So then, are you saying the witch was a part of this family? And did she partake in the family's...interest? I'm sorry but, that's nonsense. There is no way the witch would turn her own family into Skulltula bondage traps. We are assuming here that she partook in those family "gatherings". If that is the case (and it most likely is) then the witch wouldn't take away her only source of amusement from herself.

Unless the witch didn't know that she was a part of the family, in which case she still wouldn't cast that curse upon them. Seeing as how the whole family is mutually interested in incest and bondage, it must run through their blood and as such, they are able to detect such things when close together. If anything, the witch would try to track down her lineage or talk about it with the family before casting her curse.

But if we are to deem that she was indeed, the one who cast the curse upon them, then she must have been purified in some way or another. This may have been done in an accident involving magic or her conscience was weighed heavily with guilt which caused her to do it on purpose. This last theory is, however, still not very possible. My one theory is that the witch may have been a part of the family, but she wasn't the one who cast the curse. It was rather, and outsider who was disgusted with this family, either because she thought their "gathering"s were sickening or she had a grudge against them from old times, which can lead to many more theories involving this mysterious family.

[Dr. Tarrasque]

It is said that the Gerudo women go to Hyrule Castle Town every once in a while to find a boyfriend. While that is true, I'm not sure if it actually means they have a child with that person

Though they might just do that for population purposes.

Perhaps it's magic, but do remember that every single time, that single male has been Ganondorf and that Ganondorf has been the exact same Ganondorf we see in every single game that features Ganondorf.

Reincarnation perhaps?

[Nightmare]

Certainly not impossible, especially if the reincarnation can imbue said male with the Triforce of Power, Ganondorf's personality, memories and visage. I'm not sure how all that would work though. I'm still going with my theory in the first post, but let me clarify on it a bit more:

When the different tribes were being formed, Ganondorf formed his own tribe of Gerudo people. This Ganondorf, by some twisted divine comedy, would later come to bear the Triforce of Power. That is how he survives until the time of Ocarina of Time (which I believe and hope to be the first game in the series' time line). It is now the age of civilization. By this time the Gerudo have formed a strict feminism among themselves and kill all male children, with them respecting one and only one male: Ganondorf. At the end of Ocarina of Time, Ganondorf is imprisoned. For the next hundred years, he remains imprisoned and then suddenly breaks free of the chains tormenting him. That is how the male is born, or rather, reborn. He then partakes in sexual activities with the Gerudo women to sustain his tribe, because they obviously are so condescending that they won't do it with other males as much as Ganondorf.

Phew, that took a lot of energy.

[Tangerine]

You may have asked me to view this thread, but you did not ask me to seriously post. So I will retain my sanity by not trying to figure anything out when it comes to a Zelda game.