Life Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Here, you may ask me any question about life in general. I shall honour you with my 19 years of knowledge since I have climbed mountains, conducted symphonies, successfully fended off the assassination of the Moldovian President using only two oranges and 40 pence and speak 12.91 languages including an obscure dialect of Swahili known only to the tribe of the Yuccus. The only rule is that if your question doesn't begin with "Dear Life", it shall be passed over Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nightmare Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Dear Life, What should I ask? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raven Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Dear Life, Are you so bored as to make such a topic? Do you believe the World will "end" in 2012? Do you like cheesecake? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Life Posted February 2, 2011 Author Share Posted February 2, 2011 Dear Life, What should I ask? Dear Nightmare, Ask whatever your little heart desires. Dear Life, Are you so bored as to make such a topic? Do you believe the World will "end" in 2012? Do you like cheesecake? Dear Raven, I just wish to provide the world with my fabulous insight and amazing wealth of knowledge. I don't belive that the world will end in 2012 because I'll still owe my parents rent and they won't let the world end without collecting it in full. I like cheesecake. Cheesecake, however, doesn't like me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nightmare Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Dear Life, Why do you think my heart is little? Have you seen my fist, per chance? Or are you just assuming it is little? If so, then this goes back to my first question. If not, then why did you say my heart was little? For what reason do you believe it is little? Why do you say it is little without even having seen it? Do you have some sort of intuition that allows you to tell heart sizes? Or have you somehow gathered information on me? Do you know that the information is wrong and my heart is actually quite large? Sincerely, Nightmare. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Life Posted February 2, 2011 Author Share Posted February 2, 2011 Dear Life, Why do you think my heart is little? Have you seen my fist, per chance? Or are you just assuming it is little? If so, then this goes back to my first question. If not, then why did you say my heart was little? For what reason do you believe it is little? Why do you say it is little without even having seen it? Do you have some sort of intuition that allows you to tell heart sizes? Or have you somehow gathered information on me? Do you know that the information is wrong and my heart is actually quite large? Sincerely, Nightmare. Dear Nightmare, I am actually a former espionage spy who has had intense training in heart surgery. Do you see the scar just a bit to the left and above your right nipple? No, of course not, because my skills are just that good. While you were sleeping about seven and a quarter years ago, I crept into your room, opened up your chest, glanced at your heart and sewed you up perfectly. So I can accurately say that on a literal sense, your heart is quite small. Sincerely, Life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nightmare Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Dear Life, Your proposed story took place a long time ago. I have grown much since then, so wouldn't you say that my heart has also grown? Sincerely, Nightmare. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tables Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Dear Life, Was that you I saw on the Dominion Isotropic or someone else using the name Cap'n Crunch? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Life Posted February 2, 2011 Author Share Posted February 2, 2011 Dear Life, Your proposed story took place a long time ago. I have grown much since then, so wouldn't you say that my heart has also grown? Sincerely, Nightmare. Dear Nightmare, It may be possible but then your heart would be abnormally large for your body and you would require immediate surgery. So my first guess would be that it is still quite little. Of course, I can volunteer to be head surgeon if you would like someone to check since very few surgeons nowadays can match my skills with a scalpel. Sincerely, Life. Dear Life, Was that you I saw on the Dominion Isotropic or someone else using the name Cap'n Crunch? Dear Tables, As much as it pains me to say this, I do not control the name of "Cap'n Crunch". While it is true that I first came up with the name while scuba diving off the coast of Indonesia with nothing more than three minutes of air in my oxygen tank and a sunken anchor 200 feet below, I was beaten to the punch in an attempt to have it copyrighted. So I'm afraid that it wasn't yours truly. Sincerely, Life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raven Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Dear Life, What will be the name of Pokemon number 1,000 on the International Pokedex? Can you provide some sort of image as to what it would look like? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nightmare Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Dear Nightmare, It may be possible but then your heart would be abnormally large for your body and you would require immediate surgery. So my first guess would be that it is still quite little. Of course, I can volunteer to be head surgeon if you would like someone to check since very few surgeons nowadays can match my skills with a scalpel. Sincerely, Life. Dear Life, I do not believe your claims of being a professional surgeon, because every good doctor knows that as a body grows, the heart must grow as well to accommodate. If my heart had not grown, I would have most likely died by now. How then, do you answer this? Sincerely, Nightmare. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Florete Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Dear Life, What do you mean? What is your favorite color? Will my flames ever be doused? Or am I doomed to burning my entire life? Where are my Goldfish? Sincerely, Red Fox of Fire. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Life Posted February 2, 2011 Author Share Posted February 2, 2011 Dear Life, What will be the name of Pokemon number 1,000 on the International Pokedex? Can you provide some sort of image as to what it would look like? Dear Raven, The 1000th Pokemon will be the "Rustrol", a Pokemon with no evolutions or pre-evolution forms. And yes, I do have a picture of it. I have seen better pictures of it but they are still in the making. I might find a better version though so stay tuned! Sincerely, Life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Life Posted February 2, 2011 Author Share Posted February 2, 2011 (edited) Dear Life, I do not believe your claims of being a professional surgeon, because every good doctor knows that as a body grows, the heart must grow as well to accommodate. If my heart had not grown, I would have most likely died by now. How then, do you answer this? Sincerely, Nightmare. Dear Nightmare, I would like to ask every doctor who refutes this claim to come meet with me in person. For I have conducted hour long lectures on the application of open heart surgery and am well versed in the matter. Sincerely, Life. Dear Life, What do you mean? What is your favorite color? Will my flames ever be doused? Or am I doomed to burning my entire life? Where are my Goldfish? Sincerely, Red Fox of Fire. Dear Fox, I am Life. Nothing more, nothing less. I am the most interesting man in the world. I once kayaked for six months from Buenos Aires to Halifax and rode out a hurricane on the ocean just because I could. I have scaled Mount Everest while carrying two sheep and a full buffet on my back, needing nothing more than a change of underwear and a slightly rusty pick-axe. God once invited me over to dinner and made me the toast of the evening; I repaid the favour the next Thursday night with some nice Chinese food (God likes his sweet-and-sour meatballs). I am a romantic and have wooed the entire village of Ramat Aviv with both my voice and my noodle strudel. Simply put, I am Life. My favourite colour is blue. It is the colour of the sky, the water, blue cheese and the love of my life's eyes. Your flames will only grow stronger as the days grow longer. And then, suddenly, the woman of your dreams will be right beside you for all eternity and that passion that you share with her will know no bounds. Your goldfish should be resting in your pantry cupboard, the three cheese flavour. If they are not there, please forgive me for I am no psychic. I am just a mere mortal. Sincerely, Life. Edited February 2, 2011 by King Russell Hantz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Spoon Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Dear Life, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Life Posted February 2, 2011 Author Share Posted February 2, 2011 Dear Life, Dear Spoon, ... Sincerely, Life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
James Bond Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Dear Life, Do you like this song? Sincerely, Kenshin Himura. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nightmare Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Dear Nightmare, I would like to ask every doctor who refutes this claim to come meet with me in person. For I have conducted hour long lectures on the application of open heart surgery and am well versed in the matter. Sincerely, Life. Dear Life, I am the doctor in question and I refute the claim. I will have you know that I have recently performed open heart surgery on myself and my heart is quite large. What is your reaction to this? Sincerely, Nightmare. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Dear Life, When are you available to kick my sorry ass at Mafia? Signed, eclipse Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Life Posted February 2, 2011 Author Share Posted February 2, 2011 Dear Life, Do you like this song? Sincerely, Kenshin Himura. Dear Kenshin, Yes, I quite enjoy the Kaiser Chiefs. They remind me of the first global rock band I joined, the Beatles. Of course, the Kaiser Chiefs aren't as good as we Beatles were in our heyday but they're easy on the ears for sure. Sincerely, Life. Dear Life, I am the doctor in question and I refute the claim. I will have you know that I have recently performed open heart surgery on myself and my heart is quite large. What is your reaction to this? Sincerely, Nightmare. Dear Nightmare, It may be possible that your heart is simply one of the few exceptions that do exist over the years. I commend your attempts at living a healthy life despite such possible severe side-effects such as nausea, sweating, constant heart attacks, slight constipation, death and random colds. Please continue to persevere. Sincerely, Life. Dear Life, When are you available to kick my sorry ass at Mafia? Signed, eclipse Dear Eclipse, I would do it if the quality of Mafia went up around here. Unfortunately, the mass majority of mafia players make a cage full of feces-throwing gorillas look like Albert Einstein and his brothers in terms of raw intelligence. So I'm afraid that I will have to pass at the moment. Sincerely, Life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colonel M Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Dear Life, Can we unban Jarly? Signed, The Lonely Tyrant Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excellen Browning Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 (edited) Dear Life, do you like the following song also? (please listen to it till the end) With regards, Excellen Edited February 2, 2011 by Excellen Browning Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Furby Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Dear Life, Please masturbate with a cheese grater. Sincerely, A Person Concerned about the Gene Pool. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darros Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Dear Life, Have you played the Golden Sun games? Sincerely, That kid who changes his name too much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ansem Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Dear Life, Do you like green eggs and ham? Sincerely, Sam-I-am Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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