Elli Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 I had a huge break down today, and just ain't coping well at the moment T_T I was even having suicidal thoughts earlier, Its like everything just hit me at once, I am honestly starting to lose hope with things.... right now I am in so much pain and tears just keep coming all even when I don't want to its like I can't even control it right now. I feel like I could just scream or even do something stupid, I haven't felt like this in ages, it scares me... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Safyrya Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 Hey I don't know what situation you're in and what happened, but suicide is never ok. You have to remember that it's just one bad day, but that you'll get up soon enough...I used to have suicidal thoughts too, but that just makes you more miserable... Whenever I ever get these thoughts again, I tell myself that that's stupid and to never think of that again... i think you should do that too Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elli Posted November 27, 2013 Author Share Posted November 27, 2013 Yeah I know, Suicide is a bad thing but its a thing I been dealing with since I was a kid, luckily I have always been brought back to my senses before I do something stupid, I have suffered severe depression since I was a kid for many different reasons I wont state here, But I have had a terrible life and some days it just feels like things are getting worse, I am just waiting for the day things will be somewhat easier in my life & my familys Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Passionfruit Cappuccino Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 Well, for a start, why do you feel this way? And suicide is the worst thought to ever have. I mean, imagine how you would make others who knew you (and possibly those who dont) feel? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zerker Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 Scream into a pillow. Punch something. Talk seriously with someone you trust. Just let the swath of emotions out. You don't necessarily have to harm someone with your emotions in order for it to work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LunaSaint Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 If you feel like you could scream, it's probably worth actually doing. It's important to let the emotions out. Cry until you're done crying. I'm not experienced enough to offer much other advice, but the release at least will help you feel better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elli Posted November 27, 2013 Author Share Posted November 27, 2013 (edited) Well, for a start, why do you feel this way? And suicide is the worst thought to ever have. I mean, imagine how you would make others who knew you (and possibly those who dont) feel? Well it all started after the trauma I suffered as a kid when I cut of some of my fingers in a exercise bike, that caused me grief growing up , Heck I don't even know what a true friend is I have never had one... I don't even have relatives I can rely on they bullied me growing up as well, my mum is all that I have ever had my whole life & I have been so nasty to her in the past, I am seriously screwed up, all I can ever seem to think of is negative things, I have been to doctors & psychiatrist's to get help and they haven't done much at all. Geez now I have even gone and cut my hand with a knife (By accident though) cause I wasn't thinking/watching what I was doing.... Edited November 27, 2013 by Shelie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buttmuncher.ops Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 if youre in the us you can call the suicide hotline and just talk for hours on end if you want to there's also some really friendly people in ip.chat atm as well if you want instantaneous responses in a comfortable group setting if thats not your speed, im sure someone here wouldnt mind stepping up and skyping / texting with you id offer but im going to sleep atm first thing im going to do when i get on here tomorrow though is ask how you are and how your day was, so be ready with an answer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raven Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 Go outside, look at some nice things, especially if the weather is good. It will make you glad to be alive. Works for me anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elli Posted November 27, 2013 Author Share Posted November 27, 2013 Going outside seems nice, except its night time here, yeah I live in Australia... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Espinosa Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 I would recommend getting yourself busy to keep the suicidal thoughts away. Physical labour is especially effective I found, heavy workouts being a good option. Try to identify what triggered those thoughts and make a judgment if the cause/effect relationship is reasonable. Turning to a mental health specialist may or may not be a good idea; personally I prefer to bottle it up and save myself from drowning on my own, not sure what could work for you in times of crisis. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elli Posted November 27, 2013 Author Share Posted November 27, 2013 (edited) Well it didn't help that my mum told me today the family is totally broke at the moment and we cant afford to pay for anything at all not even basic things from shopping, Heck I cant even work due to different health/emotional issues I have, I have a problem with passing out from low blood pressure as well. I feel helpless... This is kind of how I have felt my whole life yeah it might not make sense or seem stupid but I am also hopeless in wording things Don't you hate it when you feel all alone like no one cares? Day by day struggling to get by, never knowing what true happiness is? If one day you were just simply gone no one would notice, all you can think of is negative thoughts, growing further into despair, no one understands you or the pain you are dealing with on the inside, the pain stricken eyes, the half hearted smile, the feeling of sadness, sadness is consuming you, not able to just be yourself, always controlled by the emotions that take over, feelings of sadness & anger. Your feel like your whole body is in the pain and you don't know how to escape it, You have no friends you can rely on no way to be comforted having to deal with everything by yourself day by day. Always being over shadowed by others, feeling like you are invisible, the whole world hates you, no one will ever love you. You will forever be alone with your sadness consuming you. You cant help but worry, worry what that day will bring, sadness joy or anger? Some days you just don't want to get out of bed, why bother when you will just end up feeling sad or down, having nightmares when you are asleep. Don't you hate it when people bully you or pick on you when they don't even understand what you are going through that in any second you could just snap and lose it completely thinking maybe you would just be better off dead. or causing harm to your body to deal with the emotional pain. Don't you hate it when you find out the people you thought were your friends were only just using you the whole time and try to boss you around or make themselves look better than you. You are just stuck in a ditch unable to pull yourself out and free yourself from these feelings, being traumatized as a kid and being bullied because of it. Edited November 27, 2013 by Shelie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soup Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 First of all, heads up ;)Sadly enough, I don't know enough of your situation to give some proper advice, so I'll be relying on my experience of my past depressions.What I certainly learned is that you shouldn't bottle up everything within yourself. I did that several times and it had some serious mental and physical repercussions. Back then, I also didn't have any true friend, but later I realised that I was totally wrong. I viewed the "wrong" friends as "good" friends and vice versa. (and even then the definition "friends" was totally messed up for me) Even though I (still) don't know what the "true" definition is of a good friend, I do know that I'll always be able to find solace with that person.And don't say you're messed up, because you can only think negative! It takes a lot of will power sometimes to turn even the darkest things into something positive. I used to be like that too, but in the end I learned how to take things as they were, appreciate things how they are. Also, I started to work out which helped me to overcome my insecurity and relieving me of some of my stress which was causing my issues. Having said all, you're free to PM me if you want to talk at a later time. (I am sorry I can't help you any further at this moment, because I am currently at the university writing my thesis)Wish you best of all. PS I didn't read the last two posts while compiling this post... They appeared later... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soup Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 (edited) double post, darn internet Edited November 27, 2013 by Soulreaper Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soup Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 (edited) Triple post, darn interwebz Edited November 27, 2013 by Soulreaper Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elli Posted November 27, 2013 Author Share Posted November 27, 2013 (edited) Thanks everyone who has commented..... I really wish I could just get over my depression, I wish it was easy, but it isn't, my brother also used to be very depressed through his depression he bullied me badly but he got over it, He actually got out of his depression, I so wish I could do the same, I am trying to work on positive thinking but there is just days when nothing at all will help. heh it just occurred to me it was also this time last year when my depression was at its worst, (I nearly did commit suicide last year) I self harmed myself a lot at this time last year as well, I really hope I don't get that bad again this year. My head just hurts so much at the moment I cant think straight and generally when that happens really badly I literally lose control.... right this moment though I am alright for the time being. though I am shaking & my head is spinning... The only thing that ever seems to help me is games, that's why I am so involved in games to keep myself distracted..... though my brother likes to get upset with me for playing games to much but he doesn't even know why I do... I am on Anti Depressants but I don't even know how much they are helping Edited November 27, 2013 by Shelie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Passionfruit Cappuccino Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 Going outside seems nice, except its night time here, yeah I live in Australia...Oh you do? Well wut part? i live in Melbourne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aizenberg Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 (edited) yeah talking to other people does help. because, you seriously don't want this shit bottled up. and as you can see, the above posters are being caring and supportive. we don't want you to do something you're gonna regret. Edited November 27, 2013 by Aizenberg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elli Posted November 27, 2013 Author Share Posted November 27, 2013 Oh you do? Well wut part? i live in Melbourne Queensland Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Passionfruit Cappuccino Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 Playing games are a great help as they can take your mind off your problems (however brief) and you can rnjoy yourself plenty while your at it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Passionfruit Cappuccino Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 QueenslandI see. I actually know someone on this website who also lives in QLD. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elli Posted November 27, 2013 Author Share Posted November 27, 2013 (edited) Yeah I love games especially RPGs, but sadly there is no one in my area I can talk to about games seriously no one is a gamer here, I think my ideal friend would be someone who likes games and stuff as much as me as I could talk about different games for hours. Another thing I Iove is art it helps me when I am feeling down Music usually helps me as well but today when I tried to listen to happy music it actually made me worse... I made this today to try help me keep my mind off things Edited November 27, 2013 by Shelie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Passionfruit Cappuccino Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 Whoa, it looks really great, no joke. I mean, you've captired the emotion well and the drawing itslef looks amazing. You've got a good artistic skill and should make the most if it. I know that feeling of wanting to talk to people about games for ages. I mean the only games that people know where i am is frigging GTA and COD, which is fristrating for me. If ye ever feel like havin a chat, feel free to PM me and i'll help if i can :P. And im always up for a game of Mariokart 7, Kid Icarus or Pokemon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elli Posted November 27, 2013 Author Share Posted November 27, 2013 (edited) Whoa, it looks really great, no joke. I mean, you've captired the emotion well and the drawing itslef looks amazing. You've got a good artistic skill and should make the most if it. I know that feeling of wanting to talk to people about games for ages. I mean the only games that people know where i am is frigging GTA and COD, which is fristrating for me. If ye ever feel like havin a chat, feel free to PM me and i'll help if i can :P. And im always up for a game of Mariokart 7, Kid Icarus or Pokemon Thanks, I try the best with my art,. I actually own all those games haha, Pokemon, Mario kart 7 and Kid Icarus, and I agree I use to know someone the only game he would play & talk about is COD, and I personally hate violent games. I also made this one yesterday as a gift for Hero-King Edited November 27, 2013 by Shelie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raven Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 Those look pretty neat. I especially like the details on the hair, armour and clothes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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