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Hello, Hi, Hey: I'm $$$ richh


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personal request: please do not talk about this pubicly, quote this, or repost it if you see this.

I wonder if anyone will notice this edit

5/26

6/4 rant moved

ano ko no subete wa boku no monoooo 6/14

6/16 - whimsical

I don't want to sound like an obnoxious brat but I really need to get this off my chest

I am just sick and tired of being misunderstood

whenever I ask people to stop chewing with their mouths open, they tell me to 'ignore it' and that I'm just 'trying to listen for the sound'

they don't understand that I can't control it

it's like

telling someone with bulimia nervosa to stop binge eating

it's not their fault; they can't help it

the worst part is that it gets worse when it's someone I'm emotionally connected to, like a family member or close friend

I hate that my dad keeps trying to force me to go to kitty's house, because hearing her chew is the literally the worst torture I've ever suffered

this means that I can't go swimming this summer, but I'd rather forgo swimming than listen to that

I can't ask her to stop either, because she doesn't care

I've once suffered an anxiety attack due to the sound of it and had to go to the ER, but she really doesn't care

I've recently considered cutting to let go of all my negative emotions, and it scares me

I'm afraid that I'll snap and attack the source of the trigger sound one day

I'm afraid that I'll have to isolate myself from everyone I'm close to one day

and I'm afraid that eventually, people will get sick of my whining and just

not understand

I don't like living in fear; sometimes, I contemplate suicide, but it sounds so silly to kill yourself over an everyday sound that bothers no one else

at least, that's what I think on good days

on bad days, I think that anything, even death, would be fulfilling as long as I could escape people who chew with their mouths open

and I don't want to think that

there are cases of misophonic people literally punching holes in walls and beating family members because of one simple sound

if I end up like that eventually, I'd rather be dead.

Edited by Kinumi
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