Fateborn Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 (edited) Backstory Summary On the world of Eriolath, a nation by the name of Pyinaught is currently premeditating a war against the other lands. Our main character, Metztli, also a general of the country, set out to stop the war. Through her perceptive, you would soon learn just how much fate can changes with a smallest choice. How would you fare knowing this? [spoiler=Characters] Known from the beginning or close to beginning Females Metztli - The protagonist of the story, a general from the country of Pyinaught. Resolve and fierce, she's often compared to a deity known around the world. Just like a deity, her military might is unrivaled by anyone. Saye - Sister figure to Metztli, a woman with a precedence for swordplay. Hate men. . Lyvana - A demon from a mirror world. Follows Metztli around for unknown reason. Most guesses is Metztli match her taste. Arulle - One of the general in Pyinaught, sanity far below average, with an unusual love for bloodbath. Males Aster - Metztli's retainer. Believe that he existed only to be a tool for Metztli's goal. Is a tool to boot. Cole - Soverign of Pyinaught, informally ordered the war to happen by any means. Cid - A general of Pyinaught, a former bandit leader recognized for his tactics and intelligent. Cunning and brutal, majority advises to avoid contact. Yaoti - A general of Pyinaught, almost no one has met him face to face. Many speculates he is so handsome women would struggle to speak once encountered, others say Yaoti is encased with numerous scars to make one sick at stomach. Nonetheless he is a capable tactician. Current Progress Mugs Rehaul entire story FE8 hack [spoiler=Chapter Layout] A few chapters will involve completely unique pattern to it that are not seen in another games. One could have you chase a recruitable character before s/he fled the map. Another has you require to teleport to a specific location to unlock another area and to do such will require careful selection of who to send because there's no returning to the main force. And there can be a chapter that has extreme pacing on a heavily defended area, where you must save someone before s/he is captured and turned into an end game boss later in the game. Look forward to my hack! [spoiler=Please don't look in, cancer present] Old Hack Demo: https://www.mediafire.com/?i9ohne8pghc8c6j Edited April 1, 2016 by Fateborn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klokinator Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Oooooh you finally posted about that mystery hack I saw in the FEE3 thread :OOOOOOO I can't mash my "o" button enough at all the good stuff I see. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fateborn Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 I hope you won't stalk my every entry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jiac Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Uh, will you change the screenies as the hack gets further in development? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fateborn Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 (edited) Uh, will you change the screenies as the hack gets further in development? I would like to, these are just simple preview to the story and shits. In fact I'd love it if you guys speculated over it. Edited June 4, 2014 by Fateborn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CT075 Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 isadora confirmed to be uther's wife Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fateborn Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 Updated OP with a help want list. Feel free to post if you wanna help me out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chocolate Kitty Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 not an advertisement not at aaaaaaall Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghast Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 (edited) A story of a nation's five famous generals responsible for the defense of nation, Nemlyis. The main character, Metztli, is the newest addition as one of the five generals. Metztli, a female general now renown for her brilliance with art of warfare. Cid, a male general renown for his army's blitz force. Hilda, a female general specializing in tactical ambush and diplomancy. Imon, a male general that deals trickery in his opponent's battle and commit solo stealth mission. Arulle, a female general that specialize in unbiased slaughtering. Metztli discovers a weak point within Nemlyis and summons the other four generals anonymously and meet with them. Two generals have strong dislike toward Metztli, and the other twos are strictly neutral in the matter, an argument breaks out and Metztli decides to not deal with them for her plan to help Nemlyis and leaves. Later, Metztli discover she has been branded a traitor to the nation and is ambushed by her own soldiers of the castle she was returning to. What happen with Metztli and the nation will be up to you. plot questions: What is diplomancy? did you mean diplomacy? And what exactly is the difference between blitz force and tactical ambush? unbiased slaughtering? there's a general for massacring people? jeez Is English your first language (not an insult)? Your outline is difficult to understand, if its a language thing then okay, but you should try to be more concise, i know its a concept but still. lol Edited June 4, 2014 by XxXPierogiMaztR3pleXxX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fateborn Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 (edited) plot questions: What is diplomancy? did you mean diplomacy? And what exactly is the difference between blitz force and tactical ambush? unbiased slaughtering? there's a general for massacring people? jeez Is English your first language (not an insult)? Your outline is difficult to understand, if its a language thing then okay, but you should try to be more concise, i know its a concept but still. lol Diplomacy. DERP my bad. It's basically where you try to make treaty with another nation to avoid conflicts. Blitz force is where you lead army to penetrate key location within enemy territories in order to bring the battle to a conclusion. Tactical ambush is where you attack with multiple small forces against a specific target. (In this case, since the two generals are two different classes, you'll understand the meaning when they're revealed. Hint hint both are mounted) And yes. If you read the manga, Kingdom, there is an enemy general that slaughter every single soldier, citizen, and children he finds unbiased because the same territory had done a brutal massacre against the army he and his father had conscripted for. Basically, living vengeance incarnation. But Arulle does it for the kick. English is indeed my first language, but due to a technically, it's not. I use sign language, so that may be why. not an advertisement not at aaaaaaall Uh... Might I take to that as a way of saying, "You can use the maps in here! <3"? Edited June 4, 2014 by Fateborn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CT075 Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 diplomancy is obviously the practice of using diplomat-based sorcery (you... throw diplomats at people???) to control the outcomes of world events (such as tax returns, compound interest, lottery winnings) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghast Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Ahh i see i see Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Siuloir Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Uh... Might I take to that as a way of saying, "You can use the maps in here! <3"? Commission usually implies compensation. Which usually implies cash. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fateborn Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 Commission usually implies compensation. Which usually implies cash. 100% broke. I guess it's a no... diplomancy is obviously the practice of using diplomat-based sorcery (you... throw diplomats at people???) to control the outcomes of world events (such as tax returns, compound interest, lottery winnings) You pretty much summed it up better than I did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chocolate Kitty Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Uh... Might I take to that as a way of saying, "You can use the maps in here! <3"? not exactly i mean you can use old maps, but I typically never go back to older ones; so request something I probably won't charge anyway because you don't have much progress at the moment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fateborn Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 not exactly i mean you can use old maps, but I typically never go back to older ones; so request something I probably won't charge anyway because you don't have much progress at the moment. You're far too kind... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheWill Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 For awhile now I've wanted to help out a few hacks with their original premise, concepts and the like, however as recent hacks have shown, it's something gradually improving. So I'll try help you out by giving my perspective on things. It's nice to see some new hacks around and yours definitely looks promising. The plot is definitely better with original characters over reusing the same world (with a few exceptions), so I completely support your idea there. Don't worry if things come off as generic or unoriginal, they're things you can work on over time. I'll post a bit and see what critique you can work with. The idea of having five generals hold the most power to the Nemlyis is a fine idea and can be expanded on quite a lot. As for the generals themselves: - Metztli: Not much to say about her, she fulfils a role that’ll offer her a lot of character development. - Cid: This guys role is a bit hard to understand. I assume you mean he deals with sending out army raids? It seems you're setting him up as the one who has the strongest, unified army to deal swift, yet powerful attacks. - Hilda & Imon: These two are a little strange for me. I think you should further explain these two's role and maybe change a few things up. Hilda deals with diplomatic affairs of the country and I think espionage, deceivery and going on solo missions would better suit her role to obtain evidence that may help her in diplomatic business. On the other hand, Imon is the one who actually specializes in the things I just listed, when I think Hilda's speciality involving tactical warfare would better suit him, as 'tactical ambush' is simply a tactic used in warfare. - Arulle: I think her role is fine and you should keep it that way, it makes sense although I think it should be expanded upon, as I'll state below. As for the descriptions themselves (as I assume they'll be the ones used to introduce the characters formally within the prologue), they could use some work. Some of the descriptions seem superficial and lacking any importance to Nation's defence and thus might need to be reworked slightly. As someone mentioned before, having a general specialize in slaughtering is a strange title, but I like the premise behind her role. Instead of "a female general that specialize in unbiased slaughtering", I'd work it into something like: "a female general that specializes in eliminating specific requests, potential threats and rebellious factions without bias nor fear of repercussion". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fateborn Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 For awhile now I've wanted to help out a few hacks with their original premise, concepts and the like, however as recent hacks have shown, it's something gradually improving. So I'll try help you out by giving my perspective on things. It's nice to see some new hacks around and yours definitely looks promising. The plot is definitely better with original characters over reusing the same world (with a few exceptions), so I completely support your idea there. Don't worry if things come off as generic or unoriginal, they're things you can work on over time. I'll post a bit and see what critique you can work with. The idea of having five generals hold the most power to the Nemlyis is a fine idea and can be expanded on quite a lot. As for the generals themselves: - Metztli: Not much to say about her, she fulfils a role that’ll offer her a lot of character development. - Cid: This guys role is a bit hard to understand. I assume you mean he deals with sending out army raids? It seems you're setting him up as the one who has the strongest, unified army to deal swift, yet powerful attacks. - Hilda & Imon: These two are a little strange for me. I think you should further explain these two's role and maybe change a few things up. Hilda deals with diplomatic affairs of the country and I think espionage, deceivery and going on solo missions would better suit her role to obtain evidence that may help her in diplomatic business. On the other hand, Imon is the one who actually specializes in the things I just listed, when I think Hilda's speciality involving tactical warfare would better suit him, as 'tactical ambush' is simply a tactic used in warfare. - Arulle: I think her role is fine and you should keep it that way, it makes sense although I think it should be expanded upon, as I'll state below. As for the descriptions themselves (as I assume they'll be the ones used to introduce the characters formally within the prologue), they could use some work. Some of the descriptions seem superficial and lacking any importance to Nation's defence and thus might need to be reworked slightly. As someone mentioned before, having a general specialize in slaughtering is a strange title, but I like the premise behind her role. Instead of "a female general that specialize in unbiased slaughtering", I'd work it into something like: "a female general that specializes in eliminating specific requests, potential threats and rebellious factions without bias nor fear of repercussion". Thank you for your in-depth thought. The description are what they'll be introduced as yes. I still need to flesh out texts in my first introduction since it feels rather short despite being a large part. And I agree with your thoughts on Hilda and Imon. It seems I lack better vocabulary to actually describe their job as general, but you are more or less to the hundred percentage. I'm impressed. Although I did state Arulle is a person who does the massacre for kick, that description is far better explanation than mine was. Thank you very much. I'll go revise these descriptions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Since all I'm good for is pointing out bad shading and colors in sprites. . .you get story/outline critique. - I can't pronounce Nemlyis in my head, and have great difficulty with Metztli. Allvaria would look better as Alvaria IMO. Don't have issues with the rest of the names. - The general plot could use some polishing, but this is a super-rough draft, so I'll hold off judgment until you post more details. - There's very little info on the characters themselves, so I'll wait on that. - What I'd suggest is a rough outline of what you want to happen, in terms of major plot points (using Cid as an example, "Cid goes to the store for milk -> Cid beats up protesters who think he's going to kidnap their kids -> Cid buys chocolate milk -> Cid takes over a coffee shop because he likes chocolate milk in his coffee" sort of deal). - Once you have an idea of how the story flows, you can write out script, and have someone proofread it! (not me, I'm behind on DoF stuff) Hope this helps~! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fateborn Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 - I can't pronounce Nemlyis in my head, and have great difficulty with Metztli. Allvaria would look better as Alvaria IMO. Don't have issues with the rest of the names. You pronounce it as Nemesis with an L after Neme. (Funny I know, it's crucial to plot though) Metztli is an actual name, perhaps googling how it's pronounced might help? I think you're right with Alvaria. But I like All too much, but I'd like to hear others' thought on this. - The general plot could use some polishing, but this is a super-rough draft, so I'll hold off judgment until you post more details. Yeah, the plot isn't finished, I pretty much have all of the major events thought out and being polished. - There's very little info on the characters themselves, so I'll wait on that. Pretty sure I'm not supposed to reveal everything about characters :P - What I'd suggest is a rough outline of what you want to happen, in terms of major plot points (using Cid as an example, "Cid goes to the store for milk -> Cid beats up protesters who think he's going to kidnap their kids -> Cid buys chocolate milk -> Cid takes over a coffee shop because he likes chocolate milk in his coffee" sort of deal). That's so much better story than mine! - Once you have an idea of how the story flows, you can write out script, and have someone proofread it! (not me, I'm behind on DoF stuff) Oh, that's a nice tip. Thanks. Now proofread it for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 . . .wait. . .Aztec. . .oh GOSH, then that's one of the easier-to-read names! You're free to reveal as much or as little about your characters as you want! I'm not sure how well they mesh with your story (or if you're writing characters before story, but that's a whole 'nother bucket of worms), so I'll wait for a little more on both story and character before I say more. And now I demand a spin-off starring Cid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fateborn Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 I'll do my best to make both characters and the plot well thought out and shown. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Siuloir Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 (edited) You pronounce it as Nemesis with an L after Neme. (Funny I know, it's crucial to plot though) Metztli is an actual name, perhaps googling how it's pronounced might help? I think you're right with Alvaria. But I like All too much, but I'd like to hear others' thought on this. Yeah, the plot isn't finished, I pretty much have all of the major events thought out and being polished. Pretty sure I'm not supposed to reveal everything about characters :P That's so much better story than mine! Oh, that's a nice tip. Thanks. Now proofread it for me. Phonetically it's going to sound something like Nem-lee-is, or Nem-liss, probably with defaulting more toward the latter. Metzli - Mets-tlee. Zs are Ss and TLs are a single rushed consonant in Nuatla. (The things you learn from years of Shadowrun tabletop.) Edited June 4, 2014 by Siuloir Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fateborn Posted June 4, 2014 Author Share Posted June 4, 2014 Phonetically it's going to sound something like Nem-lee-is, or Nem-liss, probably with defaulting more toward the latter. I guess that's better. Thanks for clarifying! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RikuTheHedgehog Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 It looks great, the names are hard to pronounce, though. I can't help you in nothing. All I can say is an useless good luck on your rom hack. My best regards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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