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Blah2127 plays Pokemon Firered!


blah the Prussian
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Ah, it feels glorious to be back in action. Welcome back to Pokemon Firered! Today, we head to Celedon City!

https://imageshack.com/i/f0IBlaZMj

Here we have Route 8, which manages, through some amazing feat of magic, to be AT THE SAME TIME the route we take to get to Celedon City, and the route where I catch my next Pokemon. What sorcery!

https://imageshack.com/i/idC5pNq6j

That Pokemon is Growlithe. I name it Wolf Pack, after the German submarine squads during the two world wars. The ironic thing is that Wolf Pack is a Fire type, and so probably would fare quite poorly underwater.

https://imageshack.com/i/ey8JZuUUj

You want mean? YOU WANT MEAN? I am currently on the run from an old man who uses child labor to fill some bizarre encyclopedia, and am rivals with the evil Woodrow Wilson himself. I will not hesitate to use deadly force to get what I want. You ponder that before you initiate a fight with someone, and expect them to not be mean. In the meantime, get out of my way before I run you over.

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OH GOD SHE'S BECOME SELF AWARE! RUN!

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IF YOU DON'T WANT YOUR POKEMON TO GET HURT, DON'T INITIATE BATTLES! WHY IS THIS SO HARD HGFKJSDKFJGHBKDFJFHGJHGGKDHS

https://imageshack.com/i/p8ZXLoQvj

Oh god, the Otherkin have escaped from their dark lair in Rock Tunnel! Run for the hills, before they take you, too! Hide the children!

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Abysmal, actually. I should be studying right now, as opposed to updating, but honestly who gives a damn about Chemistry?

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Remind me to burn down your house, kill your family, and beat you to death with your own flashlight, K? Thanks for the help.

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Fortunately, Jackass Mc Guard is unable to completely block us, due to this conveniently placed tunnel.

https://imageshack.com/i/exHX2fp7j

Even more conveniently, the tunnel leads directly to Celedon City. It is here where I will be halfway through this Arceusforsaken region's Pokemon League.

https://imageshack.com/i/eyH5lugzj

There is also a tower where I receive this Eevee. Awesome! Less awesomely, I give it this incredibly lame nickname, and realize that Blitzkrieg (the German's signature tactic in World War II, literally Lightning War) would be a much better name a few seconds later. Ah well, thats what name raters are for! For now, pretend its named Blitzkrieg.

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In the Department Store, I buy the Fire and Thunder Stone. You should probably be aware of who they will be used on.

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In case you by some miracle weren't, here is 1/2 of the answer.

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Well, this isn't suspicious at all. I definitely won't be seeing what all this is about.

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You know, it really wouldn't have been discovered if this guy hadn't gone and blabbed. Thanks, man. You're a real pal.

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You know what, this gives me an idea. Maybe if I post a video on Youtube showing Team Rocket's hideout being single handedly stormed by a child, they'll realize that Kanto has bigger problems. Wait, this is a screenshot LP. Crap. Well, next time on Pokemon Firered, we'll storm Team Rocket's hideout anyway. See you then!

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  • 1 month later...
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Once upon a time there was an empire. It was the Ottoman Empire.

The Ottoman Empire got into the First World War. It would have won, but America entered.

The Empire was destroyed. This eventually led to the creation of Israel and Palestine.

In my school, there was a debate about who was right, Israel or Palestine.

It drained a lot of my time. So much that I didn't update this LP for a month.

Thus, this is Woodrow Wilson's fault.

Hello and welcome back to Pokemon Firered! Last time, we discovered Team Rocket's hideout! This time, we storm the hideout to humiliate them knowing that one teenager beat them all!

http://s1164.photobucket.com/user/HIMDogson/media/image.jpg1_zpsp3y2xgid.jpg.html?o=24

Not really. It doesn't take a lot of nerve to beat you assholes.

http://s1164.photobucket.com/user/HIMDogson/media/image.jpg1_zps6fith5q1.jpg.html?o=23

I got here by pushing a button. You guys have the worst security Ive seen since I last ran into you.

http://s1164.photobucket.com/user/HIMDogson/media/image.jpg1_zpsk2sxq68d.jpg.html?o=22

Really? THIS is what you assholes call security? A puzzle that children could figure out?

http://s1164.photobucket.com/user/HIMDogson/media/image.jpg1_zpszm4tjvk8.jpg.html?o=20

After beating that laughably easy puzzle, We push on through the base!

http://s1164.photobucket.com/user/HIMDogson/media/image.jpg1_zpss7qq4y6j.jpg.html?o=19

I came here to post a video of you asshats getting crushed on Youtube. Say hi to my new subscribers!

http://s1164.photobucket.com/user/HIMDogson/media/image.jpg1_zpsgyaxo0r1.jpg.html?o=18

Okay, so every dungeon has a boss key. Simple. If I could beat Stone Tower Temple, I can beat this.

http://s1164.photobucket.com/user/HIMDogson/media/image.jpg1_zps0ltwufi6.jpg.html?o=15

Ah, thats the mini boss apparently.

http://s1164.photobucket.com/user/HIMDogson/media/image.jpg1_zps3bavitq6.jpg.html?o=14

So you were beaten in Pokemon, and you were so shocked you dropped the Lift Key and didn't pick it up? Wow you morons are incompetent.

http://s1164.photobucket.com/user/HIMDogson/media/image.jpg1_zps0lmwuuyd.jpg.html?o=13

Well, time to face the boss, I suppose. You know, if I can beat Team Rocket but the Cops can't, what does that say about our polio force? They're probably too busy killing black kids over in Unova.

http://s1164.photobucket.com/user/HIMDogson/media/image.jpg1_zpsim7xhyk5.jpg.html?o=12

Mouse? What the hell is a mouse? Oh wait! Isn't it one of those Animalmons the kids keep talking about these days?

http://s1164.photobucket.com/user/HIMDogson/media/image.jpg1_zpsofdhletn.jpg.html?o=10

Well, the boss is probably through here.

http://s1164.photobucket.com/user/HIMDogson/media/image.jpg1_zpsfd8uezjh.jpg.html?o=9

I'm impressed YOU made it here! It would be true to form for Team Rocket to trip over everything on their way through their own base!

http://s1164.photobucket.com/user/HIMDogson/media/image.jpg1_zpsfo8uprnb.jpg.html?o=6

Do you know what its like to be blasted by a orient of water at the force of a shot from a Panzer?

http://s1164.photobucket.com/user/HIMDogson/media/image.jpg1_zps2aonw2gi.jpg.html?o=5

Just ask Onix.

http://s1164.photobucket.com/user/HIMDogson/media/image.jpg1_zpsqut7ixnk.jpg.html?o=4

Or Rhyhorn.

http://s1164.photobucket.com/user/HIMDogson/media/image.jpg1_zpsgfffgdj7.jpg.html?o=3

Ah, the old "sending in a Pokemon that isn't weak to what I have out" trick. Truly you are a tactical genius.

http://s1164.photobucket.com/user/HIMDogson/media/image.jpg1_zpssc6ktjaa.jpg.html?o=2

Well, not even the most brilliant strategy can beat burn hax.

http://s1164.photobucket.com/user/HIMDogson/media/image.jpg1_zpseqr0bzfp.jpg.html?o=1

I've BEEN achieving it since I started this journey! I collect Pokemon, and use them to make money. It's quite simple!

http://s1164.photobucket.com/user/HIMDogson/media/image.jpg1_zps4uvq3hnk.jpg.html?o=0

Well, might as well use this in Pokemon Tower.

Next time: we calm spirits by beating the shit out of them!

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Is it normal for the images to show up as links when I read this?

I don't know this photo programm, which is used for this LP.

However each photo programm should have the function to copy the link of an image for a forum. If you'd paste the link in this thread the image should be displayed directly so you don't have to click on the link

Edited by Mister IceTeaPeach
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Is it normal for the images to show up as links when I read this?

Yep, the forum won't accept me making them as images, but I will try what Ice Tea Punch said.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hello and welcome back to Pokemon Firered! Last time we humiliated an international crime syndicate, this time we calm a spirit by beating the shit out of it!

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Before anything else happens, I need to take care of something... wait... do my eyes deceive me? Are those... Images?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

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Yes they are, and the first thing you get to see is the newly christened Blitzkrieg!

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Images aside, the time is now to head into the Pokemon tower!

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Oh. Wonderful. The better question, Woodrow, is what are YOU doing here? I bet you're visiting the graves of all the soldiers who died in WWI. THEIR BLOOD IS ON YOUR HANDS!!!!!!!!!

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Well, they're dead inside now. As am I.

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Woodrow, you are not Dr. Frankenstein. Stop pretending to be. You know what, just for that I'm going to shock your Pokemon for a while, okay?

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Historically, the Allies stopped the German Blitzkrieg at the Battle of the Bulge with planes. Fortunately, Pidgeottos are not planes.

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I'll give you all three guesses as to how this one ended.

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Kadabra was finished with a bite and an ember, forever proving that Dogs are better than Wizards as pets.

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Ivysaur, as you can see, was a bit more of a problem.

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After a few recovery items and a few embers, however, it is cast aside like the rest.

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With your Mom. ...yeah that was a bit too easy.

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This is also apparently a home for the vocabulary challenged, as their vocabulary appears to be limited to grunts and moans accompanied by "BLOOD! HYPER REALISTIC BLOOD!" Hmm, have a new enemy: Creepypasta fans!

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At the top of the tower, I encounter this ghost. Personally I don't name him; I would be sick of human contact too if my company was a bunch of Creepypasta fans.

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Ah, hey there Marowak. How was Woodrow's mom?

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The indignity of my suggestion infuriated the ghost of Marowak, forcing me to use Guderian to defend myself.

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The Marowak, already depressed from Creepypasta fans, departed of depression after my insult.

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OH FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!! Team Rocket is here again! Maybe they're here to learn how to be effective from the Creepypasta fans?

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It turns out they had this old man here, probably to protect him from the horrors of the bad Creepypasta. In any case, he took me home and gave me this thing called a Pokeflute. Whatever. Next time on Pokemon Firered, we do battle with the most evil group of all...

Edited by blah2127
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Blitzkrieg in Pokemon...

Alternatively, a speed run.

Good job for getting normal images back up.

Yeah, the forum didn't support Imageshack for some reason, so I switched to Photobucket.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hello and welcome back to Pokemon Firered! For quite a while now, there will be an update once every one or two days!

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We start our journey today outside our target, Celadon Gym. Here, we can observe this asshat being a pervert! Note that the Police could be busting this guy for being a borderline pedophile, but instead they're preoccupied with Team Rocket.

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Straight away, I am informed that I am breaking the rules in a most grievous fashion. Well, my true calling has been reached: I am a rebel, raging against the machine! The Man (Woman?) won't keep me down!

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See Bellsprout whip. Whip, Bellsprout, whip! See Wolf Pack use Ember. See Bellsprout burn. Burn, Bellsprout, burn!

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One must wonder how exactly this works. So this woman has apparently mistaken me for that old peso outside. That's some interesting vision you have there, madame.

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Once again, I rage against the machine.

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Yes, I am aware. Stop wasting my image per post limit and get to the point!

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THAT IS NOT GETTING TO THE POINT!

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FINALLY!

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Well, this gym should be easy, based on Wolf Pack's type advantage.

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Or, you know, it would be, if Wolf Pack didn't fail to kill the Victreebel, get paralyzed by Stun Spore, and then have Erika use a Hyper Potion. That was a bit of a flaw in the plan.

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Fortunately, I get a crit on the next turn. Victreebel goes down.

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Her Tangela goes down easy from a Flame Wheel.

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Vileplume finally goes down as well, to a critical Flame Wheel. I was so lucky in this fight. Two crits, and not a single instance of being fully paralyzed? Must be good karma for hating Woodrow.

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Erika also apparently supports LGBT rights. Good to know. Delphox News must hate her.

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In any case, east of Celadon City is this house here. What secrets does this domain contain?

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It contains a woman who apparently doesn't want to be found. As a reward for not telling anyone about her (and what a good job I'm doing if I'm posting it on the internet) she gives me Fly.

Thats all fore now. Next time on Pokemon Firered, we view the third most annoying part of the game!

Edited by blah2127
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Hello and welcome back to Pokemon Firered! Last time, we beat Erika, who apparently has a fondness for the German method of spelling! This time, HOLY SHIT WHY IS IT SO HARD TO MANEUVER?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!?!!??!

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Before we deal with the third most aggravating part of the game, we have to deal with this Snorlax! Its basically a roadblock for people who didn't have the Pokeflute yet. Nothing special, really; I had Vorbeck take it down.

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This route. I hate this route. You wanna know why? Do ya? Well, I'll tell you. This route is obnoxious for several reasons. First off, the trainers here are invariably bikers. Bikers piss me off. They have annoying Poison types that always poison you. You thought Viridian Forest was bad? Hah! Second, the slope. Its really hard to maneuver here. You're always going down whenever you're stationary. That makes it annoying to try to get in the sights of trainers, which I am doing for 100%. So yah. Rant over.

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Huh. Bikers are Animalmon fans. Who knew?

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Keep us posted, buddy.

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Well gee. Assholes like these sure aren't worth the time of our intrepid police force. I bet they're busy doing extremely important things like helping old ladies cross the streets.

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Well, after a ton of annoyance and generic boring dialogue, here we are, at the end of the Cycling Road. Thats all for this installment of Pokemon Firered!

Nah, just joshing.

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So beyond the Cycling Road we have here Fuchsia City. There is a lot to do here, but I am interested in one specific activity.

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Namely, the Safari Zone. The Safari Zone has a bunch of rare Pokemon, but there is one in particular that I'm gunning for.

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That Pokemon is Doduo. It isn't too hard to catch, but it is actually quite good for the main story. Dodrio is one of the faster Pokemon out there. In any case, I name mine Richtofen, after the three Richtofen brothers wo fought for the German Empire in World War One, although Manfred von Richtofen was the only one to gain recognition as the mortal enemy of Snoopy.

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Now, the goal of the Safari Zone is to reach the end of the Zone. Once there, you get the HM for Surf. I'll spare you the process of doing this.

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OH MY GOD ARCEUS!!!! This Chansey was I shit you not the second Pokemon I ran into in the whole Safari Zone! I managed to catch it, too!

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Well, kids, this appears to be a relic of an ancient civilization, most likely used for scooping up excrement. Here, let me demonstrate with this handy patch of Tauros dung!

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What? Is the war over? Did Timmy fall down the well? Speak up, man!

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Oh. That works too I guess.

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And what a terrible tragedy that would be.

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I won? Oh, okay, I guess thats the end of the LP! Thanks for reading, everyone!

Nah, maybe twice in one update was a bit much.

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Ah, Surf! With this, we can turn Guderian into a weapon of terrifying proportions! He would be a Panzer meets a battleship! Let the revisions historians who like Woodrow Wilson tremble!

Thats all for today! Next time on Pokemon Firered: The great Kanto trek!

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Hello and welcome back to Pokemon Firered! Last time, we filled the team, and this time, we clear out all the routes that I missed!

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Before anything else happens, Richtofen evolved into Dodrio during the offscreen training montage.

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We start off this cross Kanto hike here, south of Lavender Town, where this asshat is blocking the road. Wait,,, its fat? WILLIAM HOWARD TAFT, WOODROW WILSON'S OPPONENT? Well, any enemy of Woodrow's is a friend of mine.

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Unfortunately he doesn't see it that way, and attacks! Richtofen makes quick work of him.

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Moving on, in this house this fisherman asks me a deep, profound question. I do like to fish, in all seriousness. Its so calming! Im going back to the States for vacation this summer, and Im going to fish at a lake and its going to be awesome... moving on.

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With this, my title now becomes "Dogson, avatar of Blah2127, hater of Woodrow Wilson, aspiring King of Kanto, and destroyer of engagements". You should see the titles of some real monarchs!

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Are you kidding me? Seriously? I JUST put slavedig in the PC! Dick move, game.

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Kanto's leaders fail infrastructure forever. Can I just point out the utter idiocy of having a fence maze booking off one of the two routes between a major business center and a city so close to the ocean, especially when the other route is reduced to cyclists? If Kanto was a monarchy, and not some weird Pokemon based meritocracy, this would never happen!

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Hey, here's a drinking game: take a shot every time we notice something that the police should be dealing with, but aren't. *gulp*

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You aren't N. Stop pretending you are. There are other ways to get fangirls.

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Well, that made the Lincoln Tunnel seem like those Japanese bullet trains.

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OHBOY. OHBOYOHBOYOHBOYOHBOYOHBOYOHBOY.

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My little Tank's grown up. I'm so proud.

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*gulp*

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Ah, the Second Amendment to the constitution, guaranteeing the right to bear Pokemon. Its come under fire recently when a three year old destroyed the entirety of Austria with his father's Rhyperior.

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"Bestiality! This is NOT Sonic Next Gen!" - Chuggaaconroy

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So, here we are. We've come full circle. Next time on Pokemon Firered, we take on the Gym.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hello and welcome back to Pokemon Firered! This will be the last update in a while, as I a about to go on vacation in Eastern Europe. So yeah.

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We start our glorious odyssey today in front of Fuchsia Gym, where we shall defeat the Gym Leader Koga.

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Blah2127 has a long history of not caring. Also, that cannot possibly be true, as Animalmon only came out in 1998, and Im pretty sure Ninjas were around before then.

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Kid, let me put it this way. I'm going to be someone people brag about being descended from. Now get out of my face. Thanks :).

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"You should have used the crosswalk, you good for nothing criminal!"

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*ahem* Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to vacate the premises, as Ninjas stopped being put to use in Japan after the reforms of the Meiji Emperor, so yeah.

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...I'll take that as a no.

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The a button renders me not caring.

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This isn't Zigzagoon City, asshat.

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So yeah. First up is Muk. The State tries to use Dig, but it misses because Muk used Minimize.

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To solve this, I bring Blitzkrieg in, because its Shock Wave always hits. This should do the trick!

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...or not.

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Fortunately, Richtofen snags a lucky hit, saving me a major headache in the form of +6 evasion.

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Anyway, next up is two Koffings.Vorbeck defeats the Koffings with one Mega Punch each.

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Koga's final Pokemon is Weezing. Vorbeck should be able to handle this fine!

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So, Vorbeck does a pretty good job of banging up Weezing with Mega Punch, but Weezing poisons him with toxic! How will Vorbeck get out of this one?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?

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Oh. With another Mega Punch. Okay then.

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Oh, so resorting to bribery, are we? Fine, I'll take the badge, you keep your gym!

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Next time: We find out whats going on here.

Edited by blah2127
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Your team is pretty great. This actually makes me want to go back and play Fire Red again.

Yeah, Firered actually has a lot of great Pokemon available really early. The fact that you can buy evolution stones also makes it really easy to have fully evolved Pokemon early on.

Edited by blah2127
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Yeah, Firered actually has a lot of great Pokemon available really early. The fact that you can buy evolution stones also makes it really easy to have fully evolved Pokemon early on.

I think the downside is that unless you're playing with dupes clause, you're destined to see a lot of Rattatas and such.

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I think the downside is that unless you're playing with dupes clause, you're destined to see a lot of Rattatas and such.

I'm not Nuzlockeing this, so that doesn't really matter.

Shuuda don't you have Sacred Gold to upload

Hey, compared to me Shuuda is pretty much Jesus in terms of updates. Shuuda, use this thread as an example of how not to manage an update schedule, for all of our sakes.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hello and welcome back to Pokemon Firered! After a vacation in a hotel with unbelievably crappy internet in our room but curiously not in anyone else's, I'm back to provide entertainment and military history, all in a Pokemon game!

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So, I have a confession to make. I lost some screenshots. Basically, I went to Celadon, got some tea from an old lady, gave it to the guard in Saffron, and he let me in. Are we up to speed? Good. Now, at present, it would appear that Team Rocket has taken over Saffron City. I'm both surprised, because Team Rocket is so incompetent, and unsurprised, because the Cops are so incompetent.

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I'm leaning towards Team Rocket being more incompetent than the cops now.

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So this is Silph Headquarters, which Team Rocket has taken over. I'm supposed to save a corporation here. My om would hate me for it, as she's extremely anticorporatist, but the LP must go on!

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No hilariously incompetent Mafia knockoffs are allowed here, either, but that sure didn't stop you.

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So I need to search 11 floors of this building in order to find one lousy card key. Great.

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You know, people here seem pretty opposed to young children running around in buildings controlled by organized criminals ...that actually seems pretty reasonable.

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Pfft, don't make me laugh. All that awaits me at home is child labor at the hands of Oak. I will make my own home!

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Of fuck, not Sonic Boom! It was powerful enough to destroy fans faith in Sonic the Hedgehog in a single attack!

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betray
[bih-trey]
Spell Syllables
verb (used with object)
1.
to deliver or expose to an enemy by treachery or disloyalty:
Benedict Arnold betrayed his country.
2.
to be unfaithful in guarding, maintaining, or fulfilling:
to betray a trust.
3.
to disappoint the hopes or expectations of; be disloyal to:
to betray one's friends.
4.
to reveal or disclose in violation of confidence:
to betray a secret.
5.
to reveal unconsciously (something one would preferably conceal):
Her nervousness betrays her insecurity.
6.
to show or exhibit; reveal; disclose:
an unfeeling remark that betrays his lack of concern.
7.
to deceive, misguide, or corrupt:
a young lawyer betrayed by political ambitions into irreparable folly.
image.jpg14_zpsfrjpbntc.jpg

Well, now that thats done this place should be rather easy.

image.jpg17_zps52szauim.jpg

This, incidentally, is proof that the Pokemon world is our world. Guyana is also mentioned at a later date in the game.

image.jpg18_zpskraomcon.jpg

Team Rocket really seems to like Animalmon, doesn't it?

image.jpg19_zpsosyicxcx.jpg

Well, I wonder what lies beyond this warp panel?

image.jpg20_zpsdhalbjaf.jpg

...well, Woodrow, I suppose you would be stupid enough to join Team Rocket. You fit each other perfectly!

Next time: 7.8/10 too much Woodrow!

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