Ebony Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 I started thinking about my story and I made a small chart related to any romances that happen in it. Flora x Leo. It's gonna happen. Again thanks Thor for the idea, I loved it way too much. Also Foleo looks adorable with Flora's hair. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Damosel Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 I started thinking about my story and I made a small chart related to any romances that happen in it. Flora x Leo. It's gonna happen. Again thanks Thor for the idea, I loved it way too much. Also Foleo looks adorable with Flora's hair. No way, I'd thought I'd be the only one to like that spoilered ship. source Flora!Foleo looks ridiculously good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Time the Crestfallen Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 Whelp, I just finished making all the changes I want to my past chapters (I think, I might check again just to make sure) as I started writing before I was aware of how bad the story was and I only have one more chapter to go before I start on game events. Would it be okay if I share what I write here before posting? I'm not concerned with grammar (I'm pretty obsessive about that), but I am worried about major/minor changes to story, pacing, potential plot holes ETC and would like advice on such things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NekoKnight Posted December 1, 2015 Author Share Posted December 1, 2015 Whelp, I just finished making all the changes I want to my past chapters (I think, I might check again just to make sure) as I started writing before I was aware of how bad the story was and I only have one more chapter to go before I start on game events. Would it be okay if I share what I write here before posting? I'm not concerned with grammar (I'm pretty obsessive about that), but I am worried about major/minor changes to story, pacing, potential plot holes ETC and would like advice on such things. There's no better place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mox Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 No way, I'd thought I'd be the only one to like that spoilered ship. source Flora!Foleo looks ridiculously good. Wow, Foleo looks amazing with Flora's hair colour. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taka-kun Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 That's true, also I imagine Iago/Macbeth to be kind of a RoTK Cao Cao type of schemer that would backstab you the minute you aren't useful to him anymore, assuming we mean the fictionalized account of the Three Kingdoms period when we mean RoTK. I could have Lilith use her power to travel between worlds to know what happens if Kamui chooses Nohr and Hoshido, but then I'd have to explain why she didn't go to one in which Kamui didn't take sides and if I go the whole Aqua dreamed it route, that would be a pretty flimsy story if she told it to Kamui, though it would reflect nicely on how Kamui's trust issues I intend for him to go through changes when he has more freedom to travel. Decisions, decisions.... I totally forgot that Cao Cao was a generic villain in the novel and not the savvy hegemon he actually was. Even so, Cao Cao in the novel did show some of his actual personality, while Iago is just... well, evil. Also, Robin is totally historical Zhou Yu, nuff' said. Why don't you just treat the worlds as alternate universes and separate stories, like most others are intending to? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Metal Flash Posted December 1, 2015 Share Posted December 1, 2015 (edited) 1: All three 2: Aqua is not a child of Garon, Kamui is not as naive, Camilla`s doting is on her younger siblings in general, the Hoshidan throne will be a normal throne, Garon is the real one 3: Kamui is the third born child in the Hoshidan royal familly, raised in Nohr. Idealistic, he would prefer to not have any pointless deaths happen and simply wishes the war will end. He doesn`t wish to hurt his siblings on either side, but ends up doing so regardless. Regardless of the path chosen, he learns more of the ways of the world. Main character in all routes Aqua is the daughter of the leader of the water tribe in Nohr. She is kind and knows a lot about Nohr, but also tends to shoulder everything herself. She finds Kamui`s kindness odd for a Nohrian royal, though doesn`t complain. Aqua can also be quite blunt, regardless of who she`s talking to. Appears from time to time. Ruyoma is more aware of Kamui being raised by the enemy. He also refuses to believe that good people exist in Nohr, untill he meets Crimson. Hinoka feels distant from Sakura and Takumi, despite spending a lot of time with them. Camilla dotes on her younger siblings, but can also be overprotective. She doesn`t teach Elise how to use tomes, always finding an excuse not to. She is ruthless towards her enemies, so Elise, Kamui and Leon can be spared of taking a life. Elise feels useless compared to her siblings, as she can`t fight. She also sees the retainers more than anyone else, as they are usually asked to check on her. They all make frequent appearnces. Garon is strict, but still treats his children, even Kamui, like family. He wants to win the war so Nohr can get the suplies they need. No plans for Hydra yet. Lilith is a maid that works in the Nohrain royal family. Hoshidan retainers suspect Kamui more. 4: Nothing here for the moment. 5: Characters do die, though not sure which yet. 6: One, maybe two, though I will mostly expand on existing characters. 7: Most of the children, some Touma exclusive characters, the Awakening Trio. Edited December 2, 2015 by Metal Flash Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nintendoentersoft Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 (edited) I totally forgot that Cao Cao was a generic villain in the novel and not the savvy hegemon he actually was. Even so, Cao Cao in the novel did show some of his actual personality, while Iago is just... well, evil. Also, Robin is totally historical Zhou Yu, nuff' said. Why don't you just treat the worlds as alternate universes and separate stories, like most others are intending to? Because I really liked how Fates' story is essentially a three way timeline split and I wanna keep that in to the best of my ability. And I like the timeline split because it's a classic multiple universe theory and I kinda wanna do a self challenge on top of that. Edited December 2, 2015 by Nintendoentersoft Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alazen Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 So, I'm not seeing the grounds to keep Nohr's "Starving land where everyone besides some exceptions goes around around murdering and stealing and junk". Aside from bringing up the question of how Nohr managed to amass the force to build the empire to begin with, it's transparently trying to show how rotten Nohr is against how shiny Hoshido is. So, ditch it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ebony Posted December 3, 2015 Share Posted December 3, 2015 I have never made so many crack pairings. I'll probably cut a few of them but I think these would be about it - at least couple wise... if I were to do it, that is.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NekoKnight Posted December 3, 2015 Author Share Posted December 3, 2015 I have never made so many crack pairings. I'll probably cut a few of them but I think these would be about it - at least couple wise... if I were to do it, that is.... >gay couple producing children >Hana x Lazwald = Blue haired Soleil I will accept that a wizard did it. A lot of these pairings look really good, especially Ryoma x Crimson. All that red and gold, it's so beautiful. I'm almost more upset that this pairing isn't possible than I am about the story as a whole. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Time the Crestfallen Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 Or maybe Ebony shipped Chrom with Olivia in Awakening. Whelp, as long as we're discussing shipping, I might as well throw in my two cents. [spoiler=Married] Kamui x Azura (I have never shipped a pairing this hard in my entire life) Ryoma x Crimson (Someone else will die in her place. Probably Asyura.) Xander with either Charlotte or Hinoka. I'm still undecided. Odin x Luna Silas x Felicia [spoiler=Courting/Dating] Suzukaze x Kagerou Lazwald x Pieri (Pieri's being reworked...somewhat). Jakob x Flora Takumi x Oboro Everyone else is single/not interested in dating. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ebony Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 >gay couple producing children >Hana x Lazwald = Blue haired Soleil I will accept that a wizard did it. A lot of these pairings look really good, especially Ryoma x Crimson. All that red and gold, it's so beautiful. I'm almost more upset that this pairing isn't possible than I am about the story as a whole. Blue haired Soleil is a result that about 99% of the time Inigo was Chrom's kid, as he will be in my story. As far as gay couple... well, I mean, adoption... or magic. Artificial humans are always an option too. I could go the Fate/Stay route with artificial humans tbh. I'll try not to make romance too big. I like using it as a spice but I try and keep the lovey-dovey couple stuff to just like... side ficlets. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NekoKnight Posted December 4, 2015 Author Share Posted December 4, 2015 (edited) I could go the Fate/Stay route with artificial humans tbh. I'll try not to make romance too big. I like using it as a spice but I try and keep the lovey-dovey couple stuff to just like... side ficlets. Romance is generally best left to minor sub-plots/character development. I like Crimson x Ryouma because it seems like it's a romance that could blossom as the two fight alongside each other as opposed to either one actively trying to court the other. How exactly would you frame the development between Leon and Flora? I don't recall them speaking to each other in the game. [spoiler=concerning your spoiler]Do you want them to die? Artificial humans don't last long in Fate/Stay. Edited December 4, 2015 by NekoKnight Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Time the Crestfallen Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 Surrogate mothers/fathers are also a thing. To me, that would be the easiest explanation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ebony Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 Romance is generally best left to minor sub-plots/character development. I like Crimson x Ryouma because it seems like it's a romance that could blossom as the two fight alongside each other as opposed to either one actively trying to court the other. How exactly would you frame the development between Leon and Flora? I don't recall them speaking to each other in the game. [spoiler=concerning your spoiler]Do you want them to die? Artificial humans don't last long in Fate/Stay. I don't want to give too much away, plus Flora x Leon is one I admit that is going to take a lot to set up. But basically an arranged marriage between Leon and Flora that Garon set up in order to get a better control over the Ice Tribe instead of just "gonna kidnap your children." Possibly. Mordred didn't last long due to... well, her dad... No clue how long she would have really existed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NekoKnight Posted December 4, 2015 Author Share Posted December 4, 2015 I don't want to give too much away, plus Flora x Leon is one I admit that is going to take a lot to set up. But basically an arranged marriage between Leon and Flora that Garon set up in order to get a better control over the Ice Tribe instead of just "gonna kidnap your children." Possibly. Mordred didn't last long due to... well, her dad... No clue how long she would have really existed. Sounds good. I suppose it would be good to have a combination of alliances by marriage and obedience by intimidation (the hostage stuff). I was thinking of Illya and Irisveil, who both had very limited life-spans. That said, I can't remember if that was a property of all artificial humans or just those two as Grail vessels. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ebony Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 (edited) Sounds good. I suppose it would be good to have a combination of alliances by marriage and obedience by intimidation (the hostage stuff). Essentially. I don't think just one or the other would suffice alone, but maybe a melding of the two would at least feign the idea of one having more power then the other. That and I don't plan on their relationship with the Ice Tribe to be an entire shitfest - Nohr isn't as unstable as in the canon thanks to them. And Leon gets his cold sword from Flora. I believe it was kind of a combination of the both. Besides though, surrogates if nothing else. I kinda just wanted to play around and have two pairings like this - so why not Oboro I thought? And then Tsubaki x Zero is... it's just kind of a pairing I ended up thinking about and liking the more I thought of it. This includes going into a bit of the nitty gritty about these types of relations. Edited December 4, 2015 by Ebony Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Damosel Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 Nohr ships: This list is incomplete, still deciding on Harold, Setsuna, Asama, and Nyx. Hoshido ships: Some of these ships I plan on having use surrogates and adopting kids. I have never made so many crack pairings. I'll probably cut a few of them but I think these would be about it - at least couple wise... if I were to do it, that is.... Oh hey I see some of my favorite rarepairs! Also I'm curious, why do three of the pair have no kids included? Honestly when I saw dark blue Soliel, I assumed it was Chrom!Inigo passing down his hair. I definitely think surrogates and/or adoption are better reasons than just ~magic~ And I know Amielleon has the headcanon of Zero finding Eponine on a trash pile (in Roman fashion) and adopting her (not Roman fashion). I like your plan for how Leo/Flora happens, makes more sense that just kidnapping leaders kids to turn them into maids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ebony Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 Oh hey I see some of my favorite rarepairs! Also I'm curious, why do three of the pair have no kids included? Honestly when I saw dark blue Soliel, I assumed it was Chrom!Inigo passing down his hair. I definitely think surrogates and/or adoption are better reasons than just ~magic~ And I know Amielleon has the headcanon of Zero finding Eponine on a trash pile (in Roman fashion) and adopting her (not Roman fashion). I like your plan for how Leo/Flora happens, makes more sense that just kidnapping leaders kids to turn them into maids. Petty reasons: don't much care for the kids. Non petty: Not everyone needs to be making babies in an army. Nor do some get the chance to. Plus it's just easier on me. And I like the Eponine idea. I really wanna try and give her some good treatment - she seemed so cool to me and then was a yaoi fangirl! Hm... The ones who do live through the story will have kids by the epilogue, but not all of them will have children in story, unfortunately/fortunately. Honestly Leo x Flora is one I really wanna write about. I feel like it could be interesting - both have older sibling issues in the canon of it. Though Felicia's gone, I still think Flora'll have an inferiority complex... to Joker/Jacob. Doesn't help he's so rude either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alazen Posted December 6, 2015 Share Posted December 6, 2015 I brought this up in the pitch, but I've thought of putting what could be called a succession issue into Hoshido. You see, before Sumeragi went on a conquest spree Hoshido could be described as a cross between Yamato and Rome. The Hoshido Heavenly Line's inheritance was established to go towards whoever shows the mark, assuming one did. Hoshido was noticeably smaller before Sumeragi's conquest, with Sumeragi's military conquering or pushing the submission of other lords, societies, what have you. Since Sumeragi married into the family, it's questioned which of his children would be entitled to his conquests. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ebony Posted December 8, 2015 Share Posted December 8, 2015 I've finally decided what I'm gonna do with Nacht. I'm gonna have him replace Pieri as Marxander's subordinate. He's a battle scarred veteran of Nohrian war who feels like the only thing he's good at is destruction. (It's not the only thing he's good at, but that's what he personally feels.) I'm gonna give him Lutz's wyvern name - Mikhail. He was down on his luck and decided to enter Nohr's infamous gladiatorial-esque battles where death or severe injury isn't uncommon, thinking if he has to die, he wants to go out fighting. This is how he was found and, eventually, recruited to work under the Prince. He actually gets along well with Lazward, who affectionately calls him "pops." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NekoKnight Posted December 9, 2015 Author Share Posted December 9, 2015 (edited) I've finally decided what I'm gonna do with Nacht. I'm gonna have him replace Pieri as Marxander's subordinate. He's a battle scarred veteran of Nohrian war who feels like the only thing he's good at is destruction. (It's not the only thing he's good at, but that's what he personally feels.) I'm gonna give him Lutz's wyvern name - Mikhail. He was down on his luck and decided to enter Nohr's infamous gladiatorial-esque battles where death or severe injury isn't uncommon, thinking if he has to die, he wants to go out fighting. This is how he was found and, eventually, recruited to work under the Prince. He actually gets along well with Lazward, who affectionately calls him "pops." Neat. I fully support Pieri being replaced and a battle hardened warrior would be a good adviser and guardian to Marx. My plans for Nacht were to have him as a grim fighter but warm around his niece (whom he adopted after his sister and brother-in-law died). He would become the commander of the Nohrian army after Marx defects to the rebels. Edited December 9, 2015 by NekoKnight Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunwoo Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 (edited) Who's Nacht again Edited December 9, 2015 by Sunwoo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ebony Posted December 9, 2015 Share Posted December 9, 2015 Who's Nacht again A capturable boss. People theorize that he and Draj were meant to be more then that but were cut at the last minute. I happen to like him a lot design wise. (He's a Revenant Knight.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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