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Innocentmask
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Do what Ross from Friends did: attach a very angry note to the next lunch you put in at work.

I completely forgot my Uncle’s birthday is coming up! What should I get him this time since we usually wind up getting each other a card with an Amazon gift card inside?

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Get him something that aligns with his interests. So if he likes cars, get him a die-cast model or one of those Build-Your-Own-Toy-Car cars. Maybe include the Amazon gift card just in case.

There's someone following you and you can't shake them off no matter what you do.

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Use one of the fire trucks that has fuel. Simple.

Somebody keeps putting flaming bags of dog shit on your front porch and you have no idea who it might be.

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Call a plumber.

You saw a vision of the future where your friend got run over by a car while crossing. You just realized that you're at that crossing with that friend. What do you do to prevent your vision from coming true?

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THIS IS THE MONADO'S POWER! Monado Shield! The car bounces right off!

You're working retail and a customer is being extremely rude to you and you're not sure how much more you can take before being rude back and possibly losing your job.

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Put it in a change machine.

You are the only person who got in the elevator, and for a few floors, you break wind, thinking it will stay that way. on the 12th floor, a few people get in, and notice the smell of gordo-size burritos, onions and garlic wafting evilly in the air. What do you do?

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Outbid everyone, insist on a face-to-face meetup, and introduce his face to the pavement.

You are at a gaming convention, and a woman who calls herself The Princess of Mozzarella, flanked by guys with bay leaves under their arms, and they ask for directions to the bathroom.

 

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Tell them where the bathroom is and think "well I guess it's not the weirdest thing I've seen..."

Your computer became sentient and is refusing to do what you want it to do.

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I didn't.

You're in a store and you find a gift basket that contains everything you could ever want and a little more.  It can be yours for just $30 and the store doesn't take checks or credit.  You only have $27 on you and someone right behind you is ready to pick it up and buy it before you.

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To the vet! And then adopt it after I'm done with getting it checked.

You're kind of horny in a place where it's not really appropriate, and it's getting hard to hide. How do you hide it?

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Guinevere?

Since Corrobin went there...

You're wearing light colored pants, you're a girl (so guys, pretend you're gender bended for a second) and Aunt Flo just made her monthly visit. And you're in public.

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