[I'm in over my head - A bad player's first Ironman Fire Emblem 12 run (and first let's play)!]

Part 39.5 - Preparations.

Small update now. I want to get the preparations out of the way, as well as talk a little about the most important people of the LP.

This is your excuse for today? "I'm preparing so I'll just... sort of do nothing for the rest of the day!"?

Why, you little...

What? It's the truth.

It's not the truth! Today there'll be a normal update. Mark my--

Actually, scratch that, don't mark 'em. But it'll happen!

...

Anyway.

9 hours ago, Franp3 said:

No prob, I know the feeling. What do you think I've been doing for the entire LP?

Heh. Yeah... the intro to the last update was supposed to be a reference to Batman V Superman, but I forgot to throw in the infamous "WHY DID YOU SAY THAT NAME?!". So, instead, enjoy Valter's death quote.

It's not so much that I like it (POR might take its place in the near future), but that it has so many cheap memes to exploit.

I thought Reinhardt was in Thracia.

Congratulations, Knightofnohr! You're the only person in this thread that isn't pedantic, annoying, or a downright horrible person!

Three hurrahs for him. By the way, just out of curiousity, which one of those am I?

...all three of them, yeah, of course. Don't mind me, just answering my own question.

Aaaaaaand that's every single self-imposed rule broken for this LP. I'm speechless.

OBJECTION!

On 28/7/2017 at 0:00 AM, Rubenio said:

As of the Bond Drop, the Rainbow Potion, and the lunatic statboosters, I won't be using them.

Oh wait, I especifically mentioned the Bond Drop. Uhhh...

On 28/7/2017 at 0:00 AM, Rubenio said:

I won't be allowed to change anything in the prepscreen, either. If I have to reset five times because I forgot to give Marth the starsphere the first time, so be it.

I never did change anything in the prepscreen! Yeah! What have you got to say now?!

I know it's far too late for this kind of stuff, but...

THE FE12 IRONMAN LP DRINKING GAME

Materials needed:

• 6 bottles of alcohol. [1][2]
• A small glass, of approx. 200ml.

[1] On average, per update.
[2] Vodka is prefered, but beer or wine may be used depending on your tolerance.

Da Rools:

• Take a shot every time you see a bad level.
• That is all.

99% of test subjects pass out before 50 screencaps.

The most I've ever drank is half a beer. Yeah. I think soda would work for one such as I.

 

9 hours ago, Dinkiniensis Pontifex said:

I don't care how many rules you've broken, I'm just glad you've even considered using units like Ymir or Roshea.

Well, yeah, that was my intention. God knows I never considered myself good enough to turn this into something professional. I spent a couple days pondering on whether I should do this piece of crap or not, in fact. But I'm glad I decided to go ahead.

I made this kind of post before, but it bears repeating. Barlowe's Benchwarmer Brigade will rise again!

Barlowe's Benchwarmer Brigade, lead by a benchwarmer of a tactician. I must say, part of the reason why I'm doing this small update right now is that you made my day and I wanted to tell you before I forgot.

 

8 hours ago, KnightOfNohr said:

I have nothing to say or do but to continue to offer my support! Keep on fighting, Ruben.io!

Thanks a lot. We're not stopping now! Not until Medeus is dead!

And, well, the chronicles and dlc chapters. But that's secondary.

Spoiler

I'll show the plot tomorrow.

As promised, our best units have been sent to the bench. I hope Rody, Luke, Ryan and the like don't feel too bad sitting next to them.

Roshea, Castor and Nagi are also benched. Roshea and Castor both have better counterparts, and Nagi... I would like to bring Nagi, but I don't have enough slots.

All I want from these dumbasses is movement. If I had a master seal lying around, I would promote Merric for 10 move, but since I sold them all, I'll have to settle for 9. It's still better than Julian's infantry range.

Etzel takes the statboosters I had prepared for him. He's worse than Yumina, but he'll do fine.

Speaking of the devil, she hands over her fortify staff to Frost.

As well as giving back the Excalibur to Etzel.

Okay. And now, it's time for...

The last training montage!

A couple battles later, he's ready.

Nice! That's very, very nice!

I sell even more crap we'll never need, and Marth grabs the Falcion.

Time to catch up to the team, Marth.

The levels were nothing special, but look at that sweet chain! He lucked out and critted twice in the third battle, but still. Quite impressing.

Well, that should be enough.

Okay. Time for a roll call!

Marth. Marth was... unfortunate. I kept neglecting him for other units, resulting in him being about as useful as Roy. But he's a pretty good Lord. Good growths and all. But of course, we're talking about my Marth. He was consistently bad throughout the entire game. But it was my own fault, so don't hold it against Marth.

Athena. Athena was a bit of a late bloomer. She returned late and painfully underleveled, but her great level-ups in the prologue gave me hope. And, well, just look at her. Probably my best unit right now, surpassing even Matthis thanks to her excellent luck and resistance.

Leiden. Leiden showed up right when I lost Frey, so he took his spot as the combat Paladin. As we all know, his beginning was amazing, and he only kept on improving afterwards. With three capped stats and everything but res over 20, he's an amazing unit that, while slightly worse than Athena, is still ludicrously powerful.

Etzel. Our designated healer for a long, long time. He's often considered to be the best magic user in the game, and for good reason. His durability is unparalleled, and while his low bases hold him back somewhat, he's still a very solid unit all around. So solid, he's here with us when he shouldn't be.

Frost, Frost, Frost. I think I used him once before, but don't take my word for it, if I did, it was in my second playthrough or something like that. I can't remember. Maybe I gave up on him.

Frost is, well, not good. His luck and defense basically mean he'll crumble down and die if I let any dragons get close to him. But as a healer? He's the best there is. Why? Because his magic is pretty good, and unlike Etzel and Yumina, he almost never had anything else to do. He may only heal, but he does that well.

Heheheheh. Tomas, the forgettable Sniper. Still here. Hope you didn't forget about him. Again.

He's a better Castor with lesser movement. But his superior defense is what sets him apart from the wimpy Hunter. He's a very reliable Sniper in a game where Snipers are uncharacteristically good. Sure, sure, Ryan would've been better, but do you think I care? I don't think you think that after all this time.

Ymir. Replacing...

Dice. Here is his last level-up.

Ymir is, basically, what Dice would've been if I hadn't lost him. They're both pretty much the same: unlucky units with absolutely amazing offensive stats that die if they're hit a couple of times. They've both been useful in their times, so I'm happy about both of them, even if I did lose Dice.

Speaking of late replacements, here's the worst unit in the game, replacing...

Robert. Who, in turn, replaced...

Cecille. Looks like the Swordmaster class is cursed. Maybe that's why Roshea lived, I reclassed him to Hero in time.

Let's talk about her first. Cecille was really, really good offensively. But her durability was the worst in the team, leaving a certain someone aside. And that cost her her life.

Robert was a stronger Roshea with worse defenses, which eventually proved to be his downfall as well.

Honestly, I think Roshea turned out better than either of them, if only because of his superior defense, but they all pale in comparison to Athena, who also flies. Still, I'm happy with them all.

Feena. I never use dancers, but Feena proved to be invaluable quite often. If only the other Dancers were this great...

That's it for the final team.

Now, for the ones who won't be coming with us today/tomorrow/whenever...

Matthis, my best unit for almost the entire game. His usefulness decayed somewhat when spellcasters became commonplace, due to his lesser resistance compared to Athena.

And, no, reclassing to another class wouldn't have helped, he would've been a worse Leiden with slightly better defense. But still. Even though he fell behind later on, he still was God for almost the entire game. An irreplacable unit, and I'm glad I used him. It was a lot of fun.

Yumina, the best mage ever, fell prey of her mediocre defenses in the end. But, much like Matthis, once she got out of her really weak beginning, she turned into one of my best units. C staves after promoting was, certainly, very helpful, and it alone made her much more useful than...

Elrean. In the end, he became the team's new castor, relegated to being the fourth backup healer, mostly healing the other healers or people who weren't in range of anybody else. The reason? The others just outclassed him everywhere: he was less powerful than Yumina, and only equally as durable as Etzel while losing to him and Frost in the healing department. Not very good, but he had his chapters of glory (mainly before Yumina promoted), and his supports with Pretzel were the best, so I'm glad I used him.

Who else...

Of course, Minerva! I tried using Minerva. Well. At least she won't do as badly as she normally would've in the finale.

I would make the joke of forgetting about Castor, but that would mean putting him below a certain someone, and we can't have that.

Castor's amazing. He has puny defenses, he's only slightly better than Tomas, and yet, here he is. Never died, was deployed in pretty much every non-gaiden chapter, and was consistently left in the rear. Congratulations. You survived against all odds. You magnificently bad con artist.

Is that it? I think that's it.

Very well... only one unit left.

Jesus Christ. You know, Elrean? There was someone worse than you.

Pretzel was a second Wrys. But, unlike Wrys, he didn't get the entire earlygame worth of being a great healer when we had no other option. Nah, he was just an underwhelming Mage with absolutely terrible durability. And then I promoted him early because that was the only way to justify his presence in the team.

I tried. I really did. But in the end, I only deployed him for the conversations, and once it became obvious that he wouldn't get anymore, I just gave him the boot.

Go tell the pros. There's a new low when it comes to magic users in this game. Yubello, all is forgiven.

And that's it! A little prelude to the grand finale. Place your bets: do you think someone else will die, or will I defeat Medeus with no more casualties?

 

[I'm in over my head - A bad player's first Ironman Fire Emblem 12 run (and first let's play)!]

Welcome! Today, in Let's Play Super Mario 64 DS, we will explore the snowy peaks in our search for stars.

I'll just somersault my way to the castle...

Ah, excellent. Now, what was the door again...

There we are.

Urk!

...looks like I made it... now, where's Ruben?

Jeez, it sure is cold up here. But we've work to do.

There you are, Ruben.

Without further ado, let's just dive right in to the slide. We'll be beating that penguin in a race!

Ruben!

Let's go! I will be the new champion of this mountain!

Is he deaf? No... he's in denial. Mm. How could I snap him out of it...

Oh, of course...

LORD GOTOH! HOW GOOD OF YOU TO COME!

RARGH!

Unh. Oh, well. Too bad. We fell.

I'll try that again!

OH HEY, IF IT ISN'T MALICIA! STILL WANTING TO GET INTO MARTH'S PANTS?

GOD DAM--

Third time's the charm, as they say! We don't make mistakes. We just have happy little accidents...

EST! WHERE'S ABEL? WHY, OF COURSE! YOU RUINED HIS LIFE! BUT THAT'S ALL RIGHT, I'M GLAD YOU STILL EXIST!

Again! AGAIN!

...I didn't want to do this, but...

PRETZ--

UAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

...

...why? How did you even get here? I thought by warping away I would finally get some rest.

Lord Frost was quite surprised when you took the staff out of his hands. We were lucky you dropped it before going away.

I was wondering where I'd left it.

But that doesn't explain why you are here.

Isn't it obvious? I'm here to bring you back.

Don't make me laugh. I'm a failure of a tactician. Archanea will be better off without me.

All those deaths... I am to blame for them. I killed all those people with my incompetence. Matthis... Yumina... Cecille, Frey, Arran, Cain, Roger, Robert, Dice...

For what little it's worth, I believe in you. You guys are strong. You can save Archanea. I'll only be holding you back...

No, Ruben. Don't you understand? We can't win without somebody to devise a proper battle plan. We're all fighters. At most, we can think up a basic strategy for ourselves, but leading an army? None of us can do that.

Neither can I. What is your point?

...look. Many would've given up by now. You're a laughing stock, or that's what you think. You've lost countless men. Your strategies fail all the time, and if they succeed, it's only out of sheer luck.

...if you only came here just to tell me that...

But you didn't give up on us. No matter how men you'd lose, you'd always find a way. We've come this far thanks to you.

This is war. Sad as it is, it would've been unrealistic to think we would all make it out alive. In war, you don't get second chances.

...and?

You did as well as anybody would. Well, unless those people had the power to go back in time or something. But then, why not just stop? Why not go so far back that the war would be avoidable?

You've lost people, yes. But even so, you've brought us to the brink of victory. We need your guidance, just a little longer.

...I suppose that is true, but...

And besides. You may not be the best tactician. But you're at least honest about it. Many would try to conceal their failures. Be remembered by history as geniuses. War heroes!

You may be remembered as a bit of an incompetent fool, but... you know what? You'll be the incompetent fool who saved Archanea. Good enough, wouldn't you say?

...I'm still not throughoutly convinced. The army doesn't like me. Leiden is always trying to avoid me, Athena hates me, I don't think father Frost will like me after I mugged him...

Nonsense. They all think you're fine. Flawed, but who isn't? They are all worried about you.

Well, not Athena, but I'm pretty sure if you apologize and stop being so... forthcoming with her, she'll forgive you.

...perhaps... but...

There's another reason I hurried here. As we were discussing how we would bring you back... somebody came in. He volunteered to be the new tactician.

I bet anybody in the army could do a better job than me.

The rest of us are smart enough to understand that we are no tacticians. But he was pretty confident in his chances.

What is the problem, then? Why come this far to bring me back?

When we asked why he was so confident, he said, and I quote: "my unwavering loyalty to Prince Marth shall allow me to destroy every enemy that gets in our way!".

...no... anyone but...

Then he claimed he had to train his strategizing. See where I'm going with this?

...well... I still... don't think I am the most suitable individual for this, but...

If I let Pretzel take control, I would never sleep well again, knowing I left you all in the hands of the stupidest man in all of Archanea.

Very well. I'm going back.

Thank Naga. When you left, we were forced to pull back. We could barely get Sir Matthis, Princess Yumina and Prince Marth out of there...

You mean they're alive?!

We feared for their lives, but yes, they're fine now. Matthis and Yumina are both too scared to go back into the battlefield, though...

...tell them this: I've got a plan that will ensure their survival. Please, trust me.

It's certainly a better idea than to trust Pretzel!

...he's definitely back. I'm not sure if I should be happy, or...

Sorry?

Nothing. Stay still. Father Frost said the rescue staff would be ready any minute now.

...

Well, that was cheesy.

Part 39 - Redemption.

19 hours ago, KnightOfNohr said:

Personally, I'm rather partial to Gangrel's diving speech.

Is this the new way of bullying me? Talking about the 3DS games non-stop so I am utterly lost all the time?

As for the rest of the update...that was...masterful. Everything, spiraling downwards into failure...until finally...it ends. Then, another chance appears. A window of hope. It was simply...breathtaking. Definitely the most emotional update of the entire Let's Play.

Why, thank you. It was all improvised.

 

19 hours ago, Dayni said:

I could have been referring to a certain other character, but that would lead me down a rabbit hole of frustration describing that one. I'd rather avoid doing so in this thread, sorry.

As you wish.

That was a trip of an ending. After all that, right when it might have it didn't work out. And all because Starlight didn't show up in the convoy during the chapter. No wonder that snap happened.

Not quite the ending yet. I still have some fight left in me. Enough to bring down Gharnef and his boss.

 

19 hours ago, Dinkiniensis Pontifex said:

Ay, dios. Ay, dios. Ay, dios. Has enloquecido por completo. La muerte de Matthis va a joder todo. Suerte.

What's with the spanish? Yes, I am spanish and I joke about it a lot, but first and foremost, this is an english LP! Think of the poor english viewers who can't understand a single word of what you said!

Here, I'll translate for them.

"Oh, God, Oh, God. Oh, God. You've gone completely insane. Matthis' death is going to fuck everything up. Good luck."

Nah, I've got a plan. And it won't involve dishonorably resetting, thank you very much.

 

18 hours ago, Franp3 said:

hahahahaha oh my god, how did I never notice that? Although most of the SNES-era artworks look derpy as hell.

It does, but that one's especially derpy. It's like, "how do we represent this rebellious noble kind of character?" "MAKE HIM DANCE WITH HIS AXE LIKE AN IDIOT!"

Every insult that comes out of Valter's mouth is pure gold. Yet another great character ruined by Heroes ;_;

Exactly. I will never understand why FE8's plot is so hated. Sure, the protagonists are its lowest point, but more or less everyone else is awesome.

Also, I simply loved his death quote. So, so fuckin' ironic.

No problem! Julian just needs to hand over 30.000 gold to Yumina and... wait, wrong game.

You really do love Genealogy, don't you?

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

No, indeed.

Oh, come now! That's just rubbing salt on the wound. You're all lucky I've a plan, otherwise I might've quit for real.

I'm trying really hard not to make an FE4 reference.

...

...

:Clutches Naga tome:

I honestly prefer FE5 when it comes to powerful weapons. Nobody in the entire series has had a weapon quite as powerful as Kempf's trap! IN AMERICA!

Forced, I know, but I just wanted to make that reference.

Ese final... Santa puta Ruben. Matthis general, tu que moriste por nuestros pecados, proteje este LP de su propio creador.

God damnit, not again!

El Contador de Reinicios Deshonorables sigue ahí si estas interesado.

"That ending... holy shit, Ruben. General Matthis, you who died for our sins, protect this LP from its own creator.

The Dishonorable Reset Counter is still there if you're interested"

No, blistering barnacles, NO! I've a god damn plan!

You guys are driving me nuts again. Damn each and every one of you!

No, wait, Knightofnohr's good. He deserves not eternal damnation.

And I'll wait 'till the end of the LP to damn each and every one of you expect Knightofnohr, so as to maximize the amount of views.

But after that! Damn each and every one of you to hell!

 

17 hours ago, Hylian Air Force said:

AEIOU, in burro juego Fire Emblem mas que tu.

Ahem. No offense but...

 

 

4 hours ago, deskita said:

I think that update practically summarised the title of this lets play.

Pretty much, yeah. I was expecting to fail, due to my lack of knowledge, but... not this spectacularly!

 

Spoiler

Ironically, this unlocked Tomas' first conversation in the actual save file. That's about all that is remarkable about today's free stuff. Even his "how's everyone" quote is amazing. Why isn't this guy a meme? If Wrys can be a meme for sucking ass and being ugly and old, so can Tomas. Except for the old part.

Let's get to it! I cannot despair now. We're so close to the end!

Capped skill.

Don't waste the Gradivus. It'll be pivotal later on.

It feels so good to be calm. Let's see how long it lasts.

If I don't win today, I'm quitting. Warning you all right now.

Look, a great level-up. Hm. Maybe I'll give Marth a few rounds at the drill grounds. We could really use a good Marth in the finale.

That's the good thing about Marth. He's bad because I neglected him, not because he's a bad Lord. A.K.A. he's bad about I'm bad.

But yeah, otherwise, I rather like him as a Lord. Not as much as Ephraim, though. I would say Hector, but Hector's just a slightly better Roy in his route and I find him to be painfully overrated. Just as FE7 in general.

I can understand why people like it, it's objectively a very well-polished game, but I just don't like it.

Anyway. Back to the present.

Initiate Operation CTTOG (Castor's Two Turns Of Glory).

Like so.

Pain. But he'll be juuuust fine.

Meteoric people.

These guys are moving closer. Let's make sure they don't reach us.

...I'm feeling dejá vu. And I don't think that's what I want to feel.

Nagi, whoa. If only the finale didn't force me to bring 4 people... I'm not sure I'll be able to bring you.

Time to go on the offensive!

Onslaught ensues.

Hang in there, Matthis. Today will be your last battle. So say the rules. But I've got a plan.

Yes, yes, I realise I've already broken the rules by not disarming Matthis and Yumina and throwing them into the enemy. Give me a break! ...me!

Perish. But, calmly so, this time.

On the bright side, now you'll be up there with your dear asteroids!

Rubencare.

Also known as apocalypse.

Wait, no, that's too mild.

These guys are so tiresome. Why do I love FE6, again?

Leiden's the man. Shame, he didn't get a point of defense this time, so Athena's officially tankier than him. But still. He's about on par with her in terms of usefulness. As I've said about a billion times.

It seems I've ran out of ideas. But don't worry, I've a supreme plan that'll fix it all. Not this, but still. Since I've ran out of ideas, I have to bring my master plan up.

Goddamnit,IforgotaboutCastor.jpg

First things first, move Castor. I'm not forgetting you again, buddy. I better not, you'll die next turn unless I do something about it.

I honestly prefer this level-up to the one Castor got last time. Max strength. What a way to, most likely, end your growth, because I think you're pretty high in the "people to bench for Julian" list.

Still, it would be a shame for you to die when you're so close to surviving this war against all odds.

Etzel heals as well.

What? Not so strong now that you don't have a dragon overthere to finish him off, eh?

Urgh! Stupid Buzz Sorcerear!

Pfft. I love myself sometimes. Not that often, though.

Ahem, I'm begging you, please die.

Not you, though. I've great plans for you.

I want Etzel to get back to double As as soon as possible. I want him to kill Gharnef, after all!

Let's try something different this time. If I played by the rules, I'd just send Matthis to die again. But since when do we play by the rules? Screw them.

More healing for Tom.

You're so annoying. Also, I just forgot about Castor again, and didn't make him murder the Sorcerer. Joy.

Another two Sorcerers try to murder us. Their efforts are equally as futile, but not equally as lethal. For them, that is!

I'm honestly kind of surprised. I kept on healing Castor, but I forgot to make him kill the Sorcerer for a million turns.

Anyway, Etzel! No! Bad Etzel! Don't do that! We don't want you to resemble your son!

Nah, just kidding. Your son's got nothing on you.

More healing! More forgetting!

Oh, never mind, I actually did remember to make him do it this time. Huh. Kudos to me.

Okay, remember when I said I had great plans for Tomas? Well, you'll see next turn.

But first, more of this. Are you tired of this picture yet?

Okay, we're almost ready.

First, though, A staves.

And then some more.

Aaaaaand here we go! I'll be taking out the glowing bastards with the longbow.

Not so high and mighty now, are you? HAHAHAHAHAHAH! DIEEEE! PERISH FOR YOUR SINS!

That was throughoutly enjoyable. But we've work to do. Focus.

Again, don't waste the Gradivus. 10 uses should be enough for tomorrow. I shouldn't need its power again in this map.

Healing, as always. Man, thank God this isn't like Thracia where staves miss. In America!

More meteoric bastards. Also, that could've been bad, but wasn't because Ymir has a big bucket of HP to spare.

The draconian infantry, predictably, go after the frontliners. And Tomas. I'm not worried about Tomas, though. He still has 17 defense.

There's a hammerne staff in that chest. But I don't think we'll be needing it. It'll be all over tomorrow, after all. And I will not have the deployment slots to bring Malicia.

Hah. What's up with that leg? Are you a little girl now, Tomas? Do as you wish, so long as it means the enemy loses its life.

More experience. I'll have to get Etzel his A tome rank eventually, but there's no hurry. It only takes him one battle, after all.

I make Feena dance for him, so he's ready to heal again.

Ymir will need some if he is to survive.

He got a point of defense last time, perhaps? I can't remember. Oh well. It doesn't matter. He's still awesome. And also has 0 resistance, which is pretty bad when the lategame is filled to the brim with spellcasters.

Okay! Time for the last of Gharnef's draconian forces to die!

There we go. A tomes. And a sizeable amount of experience for Etzel, too!

Yumina does some healing. She won't be fighting today at all, I think. That's good, isn't it? Getting remotely close to following the rules.

Mm... I think he'll live.

Oh.

Well, I mean I ah... there's nobody else in range to kill him, right?

...

Ymir dodged both attacks. Case closed. Nothing happened here.

That'll be a level-up for the best Sorcerer.

Excellent.

And down he goes. Enough of you fleas and your fleas!

Everybody else still in range of the meteoric Sorcerers retreats for some healing.

Okay. And now...

The time has come. It's all or nothing!

Two down, two to go. Gharnef doesn't count because he's, quite honestly, the least dangerous of the lot.

And that's it for the meteoric Sorcerers. But I'm scared of the glower. I don't think any of those guys can survive an Imhullu blow and a Glower hit.

Hmmm... okay, got it.

Well, then. You're surrounded, Gharnef. Will you surrender, or shall we put you down?

You know what? I think we'll put you down either way.

There you go, Etzel. You need the experience more.

Aaaaaaand fortify! We're almost there. And no deaths! Don't worry about Matthis and Yumina. I've got a plan.

Gharnef goes for Roshea. Unfortunately for him, Roshea is much too fast.

Jeez, these guys are getting really close now. I'd rather avoid fighting them.

Let's prepare for the Battle of the Resurrected Sorcerers.

Everybody not called Etzel moves south.

As for Etzel himself...

I have been looking forward to this moment. Oh, have I BEEN looking forward to this moment!

Starlight has an awesome animation.

As does Imhullu. Truly a clash of titans.

But only MY titan will prevail!

As if there weren't enough reinforcements already. Piss off! We're busy watching Etzel massacre your leader.

Almost there... almost theereee...

Piss off! You're only delaying the inevitable!

Oh, gee. How very wounded is Etzel. We're going to lose him! You win, Gharnef..-

Surprise!

Surprise!

Back to hell with you!

HELL YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAH That was satisfying enough.

Oh, not if I can prevent it, my friend.

Wait, what's going on?

Gah!

Jesus! What happened to him?!

Jeez... If only this happened in the actual game.

We have won! We have won! Rejoice, everybody!

Everybody...

Of course, it is at this moment that I should sacrifice Matthis and Yumina.

But you know what?

I won't.

Why? Because Matthis and Yumina have both been amazing units. They've done so much for us. We wouldn't have come this far without them.

So, I'm going to honorably discharge them to make way for some more princess recruiters. I obviously would've never benched these two otherwise, but since they're technically dead and I want them to survive, why not? It serves the same purpouse anyway.

You've fought well, Matthis. You deserve to behave like the lazy asshole you are. And you, Yumina? You're royalty. Grust would be lost if you were to die.

Go, my friends! Go, and sit proudly on the bench!

Yeah, that was my supreme plan. You got a problem with that? It was either that or quitting.

I've also... a supreme plan for this guy. Hohohoh. Just you wait...

Tomorrow...

Dishonorable reset count: 2

Reset count: 11 (Pretzel: 7 - Marth: 4)

Death count: Linde
                       Samto
                       Navarre
                       Arran
                       Norne
                       Roger
                       Cain
                       Wrys*
                       Frey
                       Cecille
                       Abel
                       Etzel
                       Sedgar
                       Wolf
                       Robert
                       Dice
                       Matthis**
                       Yumina**

*Retreated.

**Honorably discharged.

 

[I'm in over my head - A bad player's first Ironman Fire Emblem 12 run (and first let's play)!]

I have a bad feeling in my gut.

Maybe you shouldn't have eaten so many cookies.

Very funny. No, I have a bad feeling about today's battle.

You have a bad feeling about every battle.

Well, we all do.

I'm sorry, but he's right.

...well, I can't say I haven't doubted you a couple of times...

You vill lead us all to our doom.

You've used the wrong word, again. Shall I correct that?

You vant to be the first to die?

...

That is vhat I thought.

...yes...

That is NOT vhat I thought! Disgusting manchild...

...

Part 38 - The little tactician that couldn't.

Brace yourselves... I have a feeling today's update will be quite intense.

Shut up, Rody. Only I am allowed to speak to the audience.

On 10/9/2017 at 1:28 AM, Dayni said:

I was a bit behind on Fates too, didn't even get Birthright until half a year after it came out here. Point being that a certain character seems to have a particular ability to get others (barring those utterly against them) to trust them, even as they have done nothing good for them.

But of course, Corrin is a dragon. How could I have forgotten?

I assume you refer to them. Who else fits that description?

(I'd get into my thoughts (and headcanons) on said character, but again, you haven't played Fates. Maybe I'm exaggerating, but still.)

You might as well. I don't really mind spoilers. I've a special talent to get to know videogames through spoilers. Heck, my first contact with this very series was through a video that explained the story of Zephiel in detail. Along with some other things.

In time, I learnt to use this gift of mine as a chance to explore the plot for little hints and foreshadowing of the ending. It helps that I usually very much enjoy stories even if I know the ending. It's all about the journey, not the destination.

Well, we wish he could be a damage sponge. No such luck sadly.

He has high-ish HP. Joy.

...Sorry, I think it does.

Bah. Screw you.

Also, KEEP the hat. It seems like it ironically fits Pretzel, the guy obsessed with training who still can't do any good for the army.

Well, then.

 

22 hours ago, KnightOfNohr said:

Meh, the hat looks better on Female MUs, as does the mask. "shudder"

Yeah, fem!MU got the better hats for the most part. Aside from the Pope hat, which I'd say looks slightly better on male!MU, the female version for everything else is better.

Since we've a tie here, I'll use my vote. Sorry, man, but you've lost today. The hat looks just terrible enough to be perfect for one such as Pretzel.

The final map is kind of boring; It's just a room, as circular as a Fire Emblem map can get, filled with dragons that keep spawning for a while. 

Well, yeah, but it's still better than, say, the last chapter of both Elibe games, which are just "big dragon boss for you to obliterate in 2 turns". At least there's risk here.

 

21 hours ago, Franp3 said:

Fine. Lex from FE4. Good luck finding anything meaningful to trashtalk though.

Why, you... uh...

His artwork looks fucking stupid! There! Hahah! How does it feel?!

...

No, but seriously, what's up with that crap? He looks like he's dancing with his axe!

Ha ha ha ha

Ja ja ja ja

Huehuehuehue

Also, pretend*

Curse it all, I knew this would happen eventually. Stupid typographical mistakes! Getting in the way of my sophisticated manner of speech!

Nah.

Well, looks like we've got another tie in our hands. And, therefore, I shall use my own vote to break it... hurray, turns out I haven't dishonorably reset again!

That f*cking chapter. In my first (And so far only) run of FE6, It took me nearly 2 hours to get to the second-to-last room, and my supremely underleveled Fae was killed by an ambush spawn I wasn't aware of. I tried to load a state, but the most recent one was at the beggining of the chapter. So far, that was the only time I've completed an FE game with anything but a perfect survival score.

Yeah, I never look forward to it. It doesn't help that the FE6 endings are weird. Why, exactly, did they have to give Roy 6 paired endings and leave everyone else hanging? Why, exactly, did they have to give full endings to the 8 people deployed in the finale and shaft everyone else? It's just not worth it going beyond Brunya.

Australopithecus! Birdshit smuggler! Iconoclaste! Hauteclaireuser! Sternoclaidomastoideus!

How did I do?

Blistering barnacles, you did mighty fine, you nitwitted ninepin!

Please, stop showing your lack of Knolledge about the 3DS games.

I can't, it's something innate to me. Until I play them, but honestly, they aren't very high in my list. Awakening/fates don't seem to have very good stories, and the map design in Echoes makes my heart bleed. Even more than hearts usually do.

This LP has so many deaths, i'm going to start playing the Game of Thrones theme before reading every update.

Why, you little-- nobody else is going to die! Just wait and see!

Spoiler

It's just so easy! Look at that! The writers expected me to call this guy after myself and think "oh, yeah, that's exactly what I would've said. Toasty!".

Then again, I am the guy who uses captain Haddock's bizarre swearing on a daily basis. But c'mon, you've gotta admit, it's great. Miserable blundering barbecued blisters!

Imgur. This has been happening from the very beginning. Be thankful I always thought of you guys and fixed it.

But the plot for these chapters is so short, it's best to leave it there. It increases the length of the update.

Anyway, the Dark Pontifex doesn't "live". He's an incorporeal soul! He just sorta lives, but doesn't really.

Even Marth knows that much!

Last Jagen Judgement, handed to us by Marth.

And of course, because it's Marth and not Jagen, instead of our much needed dose of Pretzel Stu criticism, we get some more damned praise.

Our strongest hope? Yeah, he has A tomes. But Gharnef fucking doubles him! And his res is, what, 14? No, he's not our strongest hope of defeating Gharnef! He's the bench's strongest fear of its average power going below zero!

When will the plot be over? I very much look forward to the point in time in which the plot for this chapter is over.

We've been over this, Pretzel.

 

But it doesn't hurt to say it again. Pretzel, you are the worst mage in Archanea. Even Yubello would've been better. So, just shut up and go back to the bench's bench. Although, I'm starting to think that may be too good for you.

Random crap. Might as well be nothing.

Starlight and a dragonpike. This is all the inventory management we do today.

Before we go, let's have a chat with Roshea.

So this is like, reverse Frost?

Huh.

I've nothing witty to say. That is awesome.

Yeah, for the kids! Does this mean you can't die as a unit? For the kids?

That he is.

Well, you are. Maybe not of spirit, but your stength is the lowest of my team. But still, you're a good guy, Roshea. I wish you weren't such a bad unit so more people would get to read your heartwarming dialogue.

And here's the ghost himself. Go to hell, Gharnef. You should be there. Your body is there!

That is going to work. For sure.

Well, thank you for telling me this. Now I know more things. I appreciate it, villain!

You're so ugly, they would probably sink even further if you tried.

That's a pretty decent line. Although I still prefer Valter's "and you're just a corpse who does not know he is dead!".

Okay, strategy. Castor, our forever irrelevant Bowman, drinks some pure water. Will today be the day he'll finally do something great?

Well...

No. He's just going to kill that Sorcerer so Yumina can open the chest with the thief staff, kill the Dragon, and then proceed to chill in that inescapable for the rest of the chapter because I haven't rescue charges to waste.

Oh, by the way, if you ever try to do an LP in Serenes Forest, never, EVER undo by pressing control + z.

Yeah, it happened again. Half the update was deleted and I was sent back to this. God fucking damnit, but at least I didn't have that much done.

Just half an hour worth of writing. At 1:40 AM. And I have places to go to, tomorrow.

So much for "hopefully I will now get used to updating in morning!".

Anyway, Castor does his thing. Look, Horseman second hit sword crit! You don't see this sort of thing every day.

Here it is. The Aum staff. This should be a thing in every FE, but for some reason, it only exists in the Archanea games.

I disarm Ymir. He's a powerhouse, but rather brittle. I'd rather not risk him killing every dragon, leaving the spot free for someone else to jump in and finish our new axeman off.

This is the reason Castor drank the pure water. He's in range of this asshat.

We've entered an asteroid field! Oh, wait, no we haven't! It's just the meteoric Sorcerers!

This isn't as bad as FE6's "every single chapter from 16 onwards will have a siege asshole", but it's still pretty annoying, mostly because meteor is an excellent tome that you never get.

See? 2-shot. This is why I didn't want to risk it.

Leiden and Athena, though, will be perfectly fine.

Castor gets to fight some more. He did pretty well, all things considered! Maybe I won't even have to use the brave bow.

Scratch that, I will have to use the brave bow.

Oh. Never mind, turns out I didn't have to use the brave bow after all.

Sadly, he doesn't proc his 1% chance to miss. Shame. I would've like to keep the joke going.

He may not be my best man, but he sure is my fastest. Wow.

Time for some cleaning up. Matthis is starting to fall behind a little when it comes to killing people. Mostly because he's a General and Generals can't double very well. But it's okay. Killing ceased to be his job long ago.

This is where the second picture of the update should have been. And, well, it is place here in the album. Imgur just deemed it necessary to place a copy of it at the beginning of the folder. Because yes, as we say in Spain.

Nagi, too, gets to work. She grows to be even crutchier. Look at that damage. So long as her target is a dragon not named Medeus, they won't survive the encounter. This is what a lategame filler should be. I wouldn't let her frontline or take on the bosses, but if you desperately need to nuke mooks, she's the way to go.

More death! More suffering! More destruction! Only one dragon left in this side of the staircase!

Frost failed to crit. This could be bad.

We'll deal with that later. First, I am bad at counting and remembering things I did this morning.

I disarm Marth, in hopes the dragon goes for him instead of Frost.

And, some fortifying later...

I just let Yumina blow the dragon away because that's safer.

Castor still exists.

The only enemies capable of attacking us in this turn are the meteoric Sorcerers.

I ready my best men (and voman) to aggro the northern enemies. Meanwhile...

Leiden takes care of the asteroids.

Well, we're not in much danger right now. I think it's time.

Let's do it.

Wrys, why are you listed there?

I can't think of any reason.

Mm... well, whatever.

The Aum staff's animation is amazing. It's so good, it is accompanied by a nifty little tune!

And with that, Etzel's back! How good is he, having missed almost ten chapters?

Quite good, I would say. He's only slightly worse than Frost offensively, and vastly better defensively. And his ranks are amazing. We could get him to double As in this very chapter if we tried hard enough. Once I give him the statboosters I saved up for him, he should be up to speed.

For now, I throw a few tomes and staves at him.

And he gets to work inmediately.

Oh, jikes. I can't forget about Castor. As easy as it is to do that.

Annoying meteoric Sorcerers... is there no end to your kind?

This guy was stupid enough to attack Leiden. He learns the error of his ways, the hard way.

I'm seriously tired of these assholes. Die, already!

Wow, wohohohohow. Jesus! 27 strength! He's my strongest unit!

Leiden gets healed by our newly revived Sorcerer. Shame none of these assholes drop meteor. I wanted to have my own meteoric Sorcerer!

Athena-- d'awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Not that it matters, this asshat is dead either way, but he has a crit chance against Ymir, I wanted to avoid going through that.

Oh well, might as well throw a couple javelins in his direction.

In hindsight, maybe if I left her wounded he would've gone after her. Although, knowing this game's AI...

With the Aum staff broken, Yumina grabs a recover staff for backup heals.

Like this one!

Here. Matthis will lead the charge, as usual.

God damnit. Don't worry, he didn't die, but he will if I forget to heal him again.

Wait, healing already? Aren't they going to attack?

Oh, okay, that guy was just dumb. Why haven't I killed him, again?

Oh, of course, I'd forgotten Castor was there at all.

Anyways, ewwww 20 damage. That's rather nasty.

But Matthis is nastier.

Crap. It's all good, he's still alive. Jesus. I've vastly overstimated this guy's resistance.

N--

...r....k...ggghhh...

u...raaarrgh....rrrgh...kch...

Guh...

M... Matthis...?

...

(I listened to this as I wrote the remained of the update. Try it out for further inmersion)

I'M GOING TO KILL YOU ALL AND THEN MYSELF!

YOUR ACCURSED FORTIFY STAVES WON'T SAVE THE WORLD!

DIE! PERISH! CEASE TO EXIIIIIST!

IT'S DOOMSDAY, YOU ASSHOLES!

NONE SHALL LIVE!

A POINT OF DEFENSE? DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH. THAT WON'T SAVE YOU FROM MY WRATH!

NEITHER WILL THAT! YOU SHALL ALL DIE! EVERYONE SHALL DIE!

BUT BEFORE YOU DIE, YOU WILL BRING TO THESE BASTARDS THE END THEY DESERVE!

Rody, please... you're a level-headed guy... go calm him down!

I'm scared to get close to him... he's been threatening to kill me for a long time... and now that he's threatening to kill everyone, I think I better keep a low profile...

DANCE FOR HIM, YOU WHORE! JUST AS YOU WILL DANCE FOR ME AS I STAB THE LIFE OUT OF YOU! AND NOT THE WAY YOU WOULD LIKE!

PEEEEEERIIIIIIIIISH!

Rgh... rrrrrghhhhhhhh...

You know what? Fine. We can go on without... Mmm...

RAAARGH I CAN'T!

Sniff... why... why? Why have I been cursed to be the worst tactician ever? HOW IN THE WORLD OF FUCK DO YOU LOSE A GUY WITH THOSE STATS? ONLY ME! ONLY I AM CAPABLE OF SUCH INCOMPETENCE!

ARCHANEA WOULD BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT ME!

SEE? I EVEN LET THE DANCER GET ATTACKED! HOW AWFUL IS THAT?!

Although, all things considered, she did quite well.

 

Ngh... something hurts. But why?

You hit that table pretty hard... it wouldn't surprise me that you broke your hand.

Urk...

Yeah, you get all the good level-ups you want. It's over. We've lost Matthis. Might as well surrender...

NO! WE CANNOT SURRENDER! NOT BEFORE THAT DEAD MAN IS DEAD! ...ER!

THAT IS ALL YOU NEED, ETZEL! ALL YOU NEED! YOU'RE STILL AMAZING! NOW GO, GO HELP EVERYONE DESTROY THAT WRETCHED SOUL!

DON'T YOU DARE DIE, GIRL! I NEED YOU TO WIN!

Nice... he's now capable of fortifying, as well.

Here you go, Athena. Some more resistance... don't you DARE die!

DO THE SIEGE BASTARDS EVER END!? HOW MANY OF THESE TOMES DO THEY HAVE!

Okay, Athena lived... that, at least, is quite a relief.

Yeah... this... this is... merely...

GOD AWF-- Fine... fiIINEE...

Die! All of you! I'm tired of you and your little long-ranged toys.

Heal Roshea. I am not losing anybody else.

Here, have a kill, Princey. Make good use of it.

Matthis you're not.

We're almost heeeeeeeeeeeeeeereeeeeeee... can you smell it, Gharnef? The smell of rotten flesh and blood? That is the smell of inevitability.

Why, you... damn you all to hell! I hope you are all plunged into the darkest of hell's circles once you die!

And you WILL die, mark my words. Mark them well!

I wanted to set that up for Etzel... you do NOT need kills.

Okay... Yumina with a barrier should do it.

I know, Gharnef, but even after he attacks, Yumina will be able to suck health off the next guy.

Hahah! How does it feel to see death closing in and being unable to do anything about it?

Keep on struggling. It is... delightful to watch.

Heh heh heh indeed.

Oh, I am soooooooo scared.

Soooooooooooo scared.

Soooooooooo scared.

Sooooooooooo scared.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SCARED.

SOSCAREDSOSCAREDSOSCAREDSOSCAREDSOSCAREDSOSCAREDSOSCAREDSOSCARED

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

SCAAAAAAAAAREEEEEED!!!

I'M FINE, I'M FINE, WE CAN STILL WIN. I'M NOT INSANE. NOTINSANENOTINSANENOTINSANE.

We can still win. Etzel got A tomes some time ago! He can do it!

ThE STArlighT'S NOwhERE to bE FOund...

O-okay, Gharnef moved away from the t-throne... I can...

I made Frost BARRIER THE ASSHOLE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

WHYYYYY!?

THIS HAS BEEN THE MOST DISASTROUS STREAM OF FAILURE I HAVE EVER SEEN! NOTHING COMPARES! AND THE WORST PART...

IT WAS ME! I AM THE ONE TO BLAME FOR THIS! I FAILED TO USE THE WARP STAFF! I CAN'T EVEN GO THROUGH TWO A PRESSES WITHOUT FUCKING EVERYTHING UP!

A--

kch...

Haaaaaaaah...

...

...

...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Welcome, everyone! How have you been? I hope you're perfectly well!

I welcome you all to this next part of Let's Play Super Mario 64 DS!

What a pleasant game! Such vibrant colours! Such impeccable soundtrack! So very relaxing.

D'oh! But it's fine. I only hit my head on the wall, Luigi's better than that.

Let's go into the castle. Today...

We've things to do at the Bob-omb Battlefield. Stars to get, to be exact!

Let's see if I can reach that floating island by using the cannon...

No such luck, I'm afraid. Oh well, we'll take the long way. It's more fun that way.

Oh, dear! A bomb!

Hahah! I can jump very high! I always loved Luigi, he's one of my favourite characters of all time. He's especially good in this game. His crouch jumps are broken.

Let us hurry to the isle!

D'oh! That's all right. No problem.

Gah! Luigi's not looking so well. Better find something to heal him with!

Ah, coins! That'll do. Money always makes people feel well.

Ow. Oh well. Guess we'll just have to do it again. No matter. I enjoy this game so much, I'm willing to climb this happy little mountain a thousand times!

...

But first... there is something I have to... "take care" of.

Yes...

Gotta... take out the trash.

 

To be continued.

[I'm in over my head - A bad player's first Ironman Fire Emblem 12 run (and first let's play)!]

The end draws near.

Yes... at last, we will be able to return home.

And I haven't found a cute lady... such a shame.

At least both you and your old friend are still alive. Our group will never be the same without Robert...

All of us have lost people. What we have to do now is ensure that their sacrifices are not in vain.

Yes, indeed...

Dear God...

What is it?

They have unleashed quite the obstacle on us.

What is it?

It's...

Part 37 - A filler chapter!

...I don't get how that's so bad.

Hush, Luke. I've got to reply to the followers.

On 8/9/2017 at 6:24 PM, KnightOfNohr said:

You know, I always noticed that a big theme of this LP is making bad characters good (or at least, actively using them). However, (it is considered grammatically incorrect to begin a sentence with "but") it also seems to go in reverse! Who am I referencing? Oh, no one...(cough, Pretzel, cough cough)

Believe me, it was not my intention to get an awful MU, but all things considered, it made the LP more interesting.

5 whole pages! Or should I say, 5 Knoll pages?

 

On 8/9/2017 at 6:34 PM, Dayni said:

The ghost of Archanea: floating around distributing stones to royalty.

10% discount on the stone that'll ruin your life! If you fail to conquer the world with it, you may redeem it for a free country in Magvel! And that's not all! If you buy now, you'll also get a legendary 2-ranged spear that'll wreck havoc amongst your foes!

Evidently, it was too good a deal for Hardin to ignore.

I was referring to it not mattering he's a soul if Imhullu was working in SD as well.

Yeah, that much is true. The more you think about it, the more unnecessarily contrived the whole "incorporeal soul" shenanigan feels like.

Sorry, can you explain this? I don't get it. I know about the patch, just don't know about the paralysed effect it has.

Maybe they fixed it already, I don't know, but at some point, if you used the patch, Ymir joined you with no movement.

Maybe that's something that the dragons just do to others. Would explain a certain dragon (have you played Fates?)

No, I haven't. Guess it's my turn to ask you to explain a joke. Except my joke was way more obscure than yours is. I live under a rock, I know. A rock stuck in the past, at that!

Also, yeah I think Gotoh may have forgotten how Gharnef acted. While Gharnef was his own student. Is Gotoh stupider than Pretzel Stu?

I'm looking forward to the moment he joins us so I can feed him to Medeus.

Oh, wait.

Also, YES TO THE HAT. Might as well see how it is.

Your wish is granted.

 

23 hours ago, Goddess Serra said:

So... we are choosing to wear a hat that resembles a wolf (IIRC), which will remember us of a certain dumb Wolf (who died because of his dumbness) and have the dumbest character abomination thingamajig somehow still living being in the game (who died about 7 times due to terminal idioticness)...

Terminal idioticness. That made my day.

Ok. (I say put the hat on)

Your wish, too, is granted.

 

14 hours ago, Franp3 said:

Joke's on you then! It's Frey.

Why, you little... I can't talk shit about Frey! He's one of my favourites! Pick another one!

Oh boy, we are well into the endgame now. :Grabs popcorn:

...wait, I don't like popcorn.

:Throws away popcorn:

:Grabs Doritos:

Much better.

Come, now, that isn't healthy. You should eat a salad.

Look at that! Frost is such a nice guy he made Pretzel temporarily smart! I'm frozen in shock from this discovery!

I'm so sorry, but if I don't make a pun every update i'll have to give my job to Dayni.

Well, what can I say.

Stay frosty and wait for the next punnable situation.

Look, Marth, all the light touches is our kingdom.

Then the scene cuts to the entire continent on fire. And so, the Dank Emperor Marth took possesion of the world.

He rammed into and destroyed the "demigod" point a long time ago. The Church of Growth Drop Matthis opens next week.

The thing is, even with the Growth Drop, I don't think he should be this good. I'll be sad to see him go. I loved this run.

Spoiler

There we go. Ymir's hat is ours. I think with this, the only hat we've ever neglected to even try was Cecille's headband.

I'm sorry, Cecille. For that and for having you killed.

This chapter is the worst thing ever. Well, not quite, chapter 3 exists, but... at least chapter 3 had a reason to exist. A few of them, in fact. This, though?

Next chapter is fine. It has dragons, Gharnef's heretic priests, the Dark Pontifex himself, the Aum staff... but this... this has nothing. A bunch of dragons and a couple dragon slayer weapons. It's not even very fun, the design is rather boring. I usually warpskip Gharnef's chapter instead of this one, though, because this one is unskippable for reasons that'll soon become obvious. In fact, I quite fear next chapter, as I know absolutely nothing about it. Expect much death and pain tomorrow.

For now, though, let's waste our time. This isn't even that long an update, a little over a hundred screenshots.

That does not look safe.

If only the chapter took place on top this bridge. It would've made for a more interesting scenery, at least.

I can't really think of anything witty.

I don't know, this is all stuff we've heard about a thousand times by now. I can't think of much to say.

Let's deploy Pretzel today, shall we?

Look, he's even ready for it! Shame he won't actually come. The hit axe is cool. 120 hit and 30 crit. It's not very powerful, but still a great thing to have. Ymir will make good use of it.

Here's Michalis and his stats. I'm too lazy to transcribe the growths, go find them in serenes forest. It's much too late into the LP to begin doing this thing right and... well, as you know, I am spanish. Hue hue. Please laugh at this so I can pretent it was a joke. I'll do it right next LP.

Michalis functions similarly to Karel in FE6. Sure, he doesn't have that guy's beastly growth rates, but other than that, he's the same deal: a prepromote with awesome bases that joins very late to carry your team if you need him to. Except, unlike Karel, who had the sword rank and the stats to be perfect for the finale if you didn't have any other swordie up to the task, and Brunya to get that one level before entering the finale, Michalis' knolluck is just unredeemable. Using him is a bit like playing the russian roulette. He's good, but you better pray he doesn't get critted to death.

And now, it's time to share out the many statboosters I bought. Ymir gets all the secret books. Nobody else needs them. Same deal with Roshea and the energy drops. Leiden and Athena both get a dracoshield: now they're even more amazing. Tomas takes another speedwing to give him the edge he needs to double reliably. Frost takes an angelic robe for... not much of a reason, really. Tired of seeing him die, I suppose.

I typed this. I was proofreading when I noticed that I had.

No, I haven't done any resetting behind the scenes. Heh. Mm.

...nah, but really, what I meant to say is that I'm tired of seeing him almost die to everything.

That, and in 20x I savestated to check Eremiah's range just so I wouldn't have to count squares and he died. Does that count as a dishonorable reset?

Now, with the skill boost, I make Ymir a Berserker. He'll benefit from the speed and defense.

He's very good already, but let's make him gooder, shall we? Look at that unit. Great stuff.

Rosh needs attack power.

He's not my most stellar unit, but that's not his job. His job is to prove that I am willing to do anything to break the meta. And you'll find very few people worse than Roshea in this game, stat-wise.

Bantu and Arran. I think that's it. Arguably Macellan and Sheema.

More, more, more! Yumina gets a spirit dust to make her even more ridiculous and Leiden gets a talisman to get him closer to Athena's level of amazement. Although, to be honest, Leiden and Athena are very similar, Leiden being slightly worse but specializing in lances, which are slightly better than swords in my opinion.

Okay-- oh, hey, it's the Wolfguard. The II.

Oh, believe me, you will.

Yeah, his whole appearance just screams "KIND".

Yes, please, get over it, Pretzel.

Oh, please.

And that is all Ymir ever gets to say. Joining late is a bitch.

I've Roshea's conversation recorded, but I figure I might as well save that one for tomorrow, since I don't have any more left. I wanted to show Leiden and Robert's conversations, since they're better than their respective supports with Pretzel, but alas, 'twas not to be. We'll have to make do with the one we were able to get.

Look, Gotoh! Are you here to join us? And finally be of use?

That can't be right. "Barbarians" and "dragons" are both plural nouns. It should be "in this altar lurk", right?

Dear God, he can't speak either! This guy is giving Pretzel a run for his money when it comes to being an utter imbecile.

Remember this. It'll be important later.

Well, we'll have to find a way, because Marth is way too underleveled to even approach Medeus without becoming ash.

Who could it be?

Oh, it's Nagi! Believed to be Naga by some.

Naga's a woman. Remember a lot of parts ago when I was confused because the game said "his" when referring to Naga? Yeah, that must've been a typo. Why I bring it up now, when even I have forgotten when this happened, is beyond my comprehension.

She speaks like Sophia. That is, abusing the crap out of elypsis.

Let's just hope she isn't as good a unit as Sophia was.

Well, she definitely isn't as bad as Sophia, that's for sure. Nagi is a better late-game filler than Michalis, I'd say. The divinestone she carries should last her for the entire time you have her, even if you sold the rest of the dragonstones, and her stats are pretty great, with 21 in both defensive stats for as long as the stone lasts her. She'll make short work of most dragons. Not bad, not bad at all. I guess a trained Tiki would be better, but, really, I don't think Tiki is worth the trouble. And believe me, it's quite troublesome to train her.

Oh, and guess what! Gotoh teleported away!

I can't think of a reason for him not to join us here. I really can't. He doesn't have any more dialogue until the ending, and they already made an alternate ending if you get there with Sheeda dead, so it's not like they can't write a few different lines if Gotoh died as well.

The only reason Gotoh didn't join us is, really, that he's an incompetent, pretentious piece of fucking garbage who can't be straightforward to save his sorry life.

Also, here are the powerful heretic priests. The only thing they have going for them is their crit chance and good weaponery.

The first thing I do is to risk losing Ymir to an 8% crit chance. Sorry. But hey, we came out victorious!

You may have noticed a weird unpromoted cleric in the screenshot with Gotoh and Nagi teleporting in. Well, that's Malicia. She's going to be hammerning today. I can't think of a better chapter to do it. Elrean sat this one out, but that's fine. I barely use the man, anyways.

He did something nobody else could've. Put Pretzel in his place. For that, I thank him.

Everyone moves up. This part isn't very interesting. Nah, that'll come later. As in, next chapter.

These two are the only ones capable of reaching anyone. Jikes. Even after the goddess icons, Ymir's luck is a little too low.

The Pink Knights team up to kill this Swordmaster. You know, the Hero sprite matches Roshea's portrait better than any other. Pink armor and shoulder pads. He doesn't have shoulder spikes, but other than that...

In the player phase, Leiden rushes forward to take this guy out. Don't worry, I'll bail him out of there.

The Swordmaster and this Dragon were just one square short of reaching us. Which is all we need to stop them dead in their tracks.

Another Swordmaster was coming from the east. Castor takes care of him.

Leiden is brought back to safety by Frost, and is subsequently healed by Yumina along with everybody else.

Look at that. Roshea and Matthis frontlining, all while the Avatar is benched. I know this is everyday stuff for this LP but... I simply cannot fathom how the hell we got into such an improbable situation. Even in my weirdest runs, I still used MU! And Palla, sometimes, because I like her! Our current team doesn't have a single top-tier unit!

The closest we got is Yumina, and even she is appreciated for being a great staffbot, not a combat mage! And still people like Malicia better!

I'm almost going to be sad when Etzel, the best mage in the game, is resurrected. Maybe I'll just let him sit on the bench. He did more than enough in his time to deserve it.

That's it for turn 2. Or is it 3? I lost count. Or, more to the point, I never keep count of the turns. Whatever the case. We split up somewhat to take on all the enemies in all sides.

I like this screenshot. Swarm is a good looking spell. This is such an underrated graphical style. It's not high art, but it gets way too much flak.

This chapter isn't even hard at all. C'mon. Move it!

Although, I must say, it's not as boring the penultimate chapter of FE6. Jesus, that one's tedious. In fact, I quit my last FE6 run right there, because I just couldn't summon the will to play through those, quite frankly, easy chapters. I got through Zephiel. Good enough.

At least this game has a pretty good last chapter. And, well, I don't know about next chapter, for all I know it could be the best Fire Emblem map ever made.

I don't think anyone else is going to die.  Maybe Ymir, to an unlucky crit, but other than that...

Castor, too, but Castor's too irrelevant to be noticed by the enemy. He just secretly laughs in the shadows as I recklessly send other people to the front because I am more confident in their chances.

Why, you little... cease your fortifying at once! I demand that you keep your staff in top condition so that, when I pry it out of your dead hands, I can make proper use of it!

The longbow once again proves useful by allowing me to kill this guy, even though Tomas was too far away to use his other bows.

Roshea kills this guy. He's my lowest leveled unit, leaving Castor aside because it's a given that Castor is low-leveled, so he still gets experience quite steadily.

This part is so easy, I even gave Frost a chance to attack. Frostbite!

Well, surprising as it may be, I actually hope the next chapter poses more of a challenge. 'Cause this is, quite bluntly, really boring. Look at that. Everyone one-rounds every enemy in the map!

Since she's here, might as well make Malicia do something with herself. This time, I didn't have any Sage left to heal Leiden, so I just let Malicia do the job.

Wow, she actually got a level out of that. Well. Pretty good, all things considered. But it is at this point irrelevant.

Keep going. I want to get out of here.

One down, one severely wounded. Oh, bollocks, that means...

You ectoplasm! Stop that!

Let's give Nagi something to do. Thanks to her sky-high resistance, even if she got hit critically, she wouldn't die.

And level for Roshea. Well, he's fast, that's for sure, but his lower strength prevents him from competing with powerhouses like Leiden, Athena, Tomas... everyone else, basically.

Healing for everyone.

Ah, there's that defense growth again.

Leiden, too, gets a level-up out of killing the meteor Sorcerer. Capped strength! He's like the (ever so slightly) stronger counterpart to Athena's (even so slightly) superior speed.

Let's prepare to rush into the throne room, shall we?

But before that, let's take care of the healers.

Level cap! What a way to cap out, too. Neigh perfect level-up! While Matthis is my best man when it comes to defense, I think Athena, along with Leiden, might just be my best combat unit. Look at her. Medeus, you are done for.

Look, reinforcements. I don't really want to fight these dumbasses. Let's just hurry up.

There we go. The entrances are opened. And now...

Unleash the nosferatank!

But before that, I would prefer not to get nuked today, thank you very much.

Hahah. If only you'd joined earlier...

And now he's back with us. Stupid Malicia can't reach safety, though. It's a good thing Feena is there to help her out.

And so, it begins.

No, not this. The nosferatanking.

Jesus. She won't cap magic, but... wow. What a unit.

This, too, happens. Level 12. Pfhahah. Still, his offensive stats are quite good for such a low level. He's good enough.

Although, I wouldn't leave him in the frontlines for longer than necessary.

Oh, she didn't have A magic? Well, looks like she got there just in time. Gharnef, your days are numbered!

Well. She couldn't double the Swordmaster, but that's fine. I'd like Roshea to feel he's useful.

Holy crap, look at that map! There's nobody left in the left side!

Ahem, now there's nobody left in the left side.

Strength. That's all that matters.

Well, and he capped speed, I suppose. Maybe I'll make him a Swordmaster again to maximize doubling potential.

This side still have quite a few enemies in fighting condition. Let us fix that.

Gradivus!

Uh, Killer Bow!

Wait, what? There's a wall there?

Curse you, purple walls over purple floor!

But that's all right. All it means is that the enemy is trapped in that little section of the map with Athena.

Come closer, guys... come closer to the beauty on the pegasus. I assure you, only good things can come out of that.

Ve are not Marth's voman. Ve don't do that sort of thing. Stupid manchild...

Oh, and what a blasted shame it is that you don't, mweheheh. Ah.

You vant to die?

No! Not in the slightest! Please, spare my life! I'll do anything! I'm at your service, Mistress Athena! Do whatever you wish with this w--

Stop it. Please.

...sorry. I got carried away.

Ahem.

I...

...

You know what, I'll come back in five minutes and--

...

...

...

...

...I feel you, man, but they'll be mad at me as well if I don't look at you disappointingly..

 

 

...

AAARGH! WHAT?! GHOST! WHAT IS... IS THAT... ARRAN!?!?

I... good lord, he's come for revenge... but I didn't want to let you... I... I AM SO SORRY!! I WANTED YOU TO LIVE, AS WELL! I AVENGED YOUR DEATH! CEASE YOUR HAUNTING OF MY SOUL!

Heh. Sorry, my child. I just had to do something to break that awfully tense atmosphere.

You should've seen your face!

Well, I no longer need to go to the bathroom, at least. Auuurgh. I'm not sleeping well today.

I... why? What have I done to deserve this?

...

Oooooooooooof course. I did deserve it, all things considered.

Healing.

Oh wow. Reinforcements right on top of us. Well, I was not expecting that.

But of course, only one of them can actually attack in this narrow corridor. And, well... they can't do much by themselves.

They can't even reach Marth in this side!

Waste of time. Perish!

Feena helps Marth get to the throne faster so I can leave this place and forget all that happened in it.

Remain irrelevant, Castor. It's your best bet for survival. If you impress me, I'll overestimate you and send you to your death. Etzel is the soon-to-be living example.

I won't be able to kill both dragons, but that's all right. The remaining dragon can't kill Tomas anyways.

The boss is a generic dragon. Did anybody expect anything else? Nobody?

Healing, for both people and inanimate objects. I want that rescue staff to be in top condition for the last chapter.

Quite all right. Tomorrow we'll be getting another one anyways, if all goes well.

Oh, come now! Marth's a serviceable unit in this game, but I neglected him so badly. Maybe I shouldn't have. Here, you can have this kill. Eh, in the enemy phase, that is.

Fortify!

Bwah hah hah hah! Down you go!

And that is it for the boss.

He has the same s/s/s as Echidna from FE6. That is about all I have to say about this level-up.

Echidna's another FE girl I like. Not as much as Maris, Athena or Igrene from FE6, but she's up there. Can you see the pattern here? Yeah...

I'm weird even when it comes to being weird. Like, playing a game about animes killing dragons. I just had to use the weird team, didn't I?

...why do I do this to myself? Urk. I could just go back and delete it all...

...

...but I'm so close to being done and going back to dancing flamenco...

Jesus, she's in trouble. Nah, not really, I made very sure she couldn't get attacked by anybody else. But all this fighting's taking a toll on her. We should get out as soon as possible.

That is, right now, but not quite. I'd rather squeeze some more experience out of these bumbling idiots.

Nice. Roshea's great, don't let any tier lists convince you of the contrary.

I just realised, I can't back my claim up with anything. He's a prepromote, his growths aren't that stellar, his bases are awful and his availability is non-existant. There's no FE mindset in existance that would make Roshea look remotely good.

I'm pretty sure this shouldn't be here. Imgur does that, sometimes. Since this isn't the most interesting screenshot ever, I thought I'd just leave it here and use this chance to shit on imgur some more. It's a great site, but some things just don't make any sense.

Well, that's about all the fighting I can do.

But before we go...

Might as well pick this up.

Goodness gracious. 14 defense! She's tankier than Etzel was!

Yumina's amazing. Gharnef won't even see the Starlight coming.

And we're off!

Plot.

That's the plot. They couldn't even think of anything else to say after this, the fillerest of fillers.

Marth is not impressed at Pretzel. Or his hat.

Of course, he only addresses one of these issues. Go ahead, Marth, I think you can at least 2 round him.

Man, I can't even remember his stats. I'll show everyone off before the final chapter. Well, everyone still alive by then.

You already did. It's quite hard to be inconspicuous when your lack of grey matter is unmatched throughout the continent. Well, leaving the well-respected archsage aside. But that one seems to have only become an idiot recently. Maybe he's senile. It would explain why he was competent in the last war, but not now.

Yeah, that's definitely it. It is now canon that Gotoh used to be competent, but is now senile. And Pretzel is, most certainly, the stupidest person in the universe. I can't think of anybody else in the series that's dumber than him.

What enemies looked surprised? Pretzel was nowhere near the enemy! See, this is why the Avatar being bad doesn't work. IntSys made them so good, they didn't even consider the fact that some may bench them.

Well, time for some more democracy. I think I know what the result will be, but honestly, it just doesn't matter at this point.

Oh, well. In any case. Tomorrow, Hardin's death is avenged as the Dark Pontifex goes down!

Dishonorable reset count: 2

Reset count: 10 (Pretzel: 7 - Marth: 3)

Death count: Linde
                       Samto
                       Navarre
                       Arran
                       Norne
                       Roger
                       Cain
                       Wrys*
                       Frey
                       Cecille
                       Abel
                       Etzel
                       Sedgar
                       Wolf
                       Robert
                       Dice

*Retreated.

[I'm in over my head - A bad player's first Ironman Fire Emblem 12 run (and first let's play)!]

Ruben, look! The scary people gave me this!

Uhh, cookies! They look tasty.

Yeah, those guys weren't so bad after all.

Well, enjoy them.

Do you think if I gave them to a cute girl, she'll--

No. Don't even try.

...

Whatever, we should discuss the battle plans now.

May I have one of those?

Of course! You too, Sir Leiden!

Thank you.. I suppose I picked a good moment to pass by.

Hey, we need to discuss--

We've never had any battle plans at all. You just go in and pray nobody dies.

Why, you...

...

Ah, screw it. I can't think of any counter-argument. May I please have a cookie?

Sure! There you go!

...

Part 36 - The mystery of the devil axe.

On 6/9/2017 at 11:33 PM, Dayni said:

Also yes, go and do the bonus maps. Never played them myself, tried the Nyna one and it put me off the whole exercise.

 

On 7/9/2017 at 4:05 AM, Franp3 said:

Now the DLC chapters.. I vote for you to do them, but with less pressure on your part. Since they are separated from the main story, you could do something like an update every 3-4 days instead of daily.

 

On 7/9/2017 at 2:43 PM, KnightOfNohr said:

Personally I think you should do the DLC, but only if you have the time for it. Don't want to overwork! ;)

Well, looks like I'll be doing the Archanea Chronicles. Also, I can relate, Dayni. As I said, the only one I beat was the Nyna one (well, not the one with Camus, the one with Boah, I assume you refer to that one), and, well, suffice to say I could only keep Tomas and Boah alive along with Nyna.

This'll be... interesting, to say the least.

Also, I appreciate that you guys are concerned about me and don't want to push me. I really do. I still shall keep this speed up until the end of the game, though. We're much too close to change things up randomly.

On 6/9/2017 at 11:33 PM, Dayni said:

Well, I was wrong about someone not dying (And you missed the stealth pun :P). Least it was Marth.

I seem to miss every pun that comes close to being not-awful. Oh, well. By this point, my comedy consists in being self-aware of it being awful and hoping that makes people enjoy my crap.

Also, yeah, I kinda get Gharnef a bit better here. Still not remembering anything notable he did in SD (as a manipulator), and his background is still eh, but always did like the assassin arc, arbitrary as it was. Shame it's sort of tied to Pretzel Stu.

It's understandable, he mostly did his stuff offscreen. I didn't know it until I read a pretty good analysis about him. I just stumbled upon it, so I don't remember where it was, but it does exist.

And wasn't Gharnef only killable by Starlight in SD anyway? Then what does it matter with him being incorporeal?

It matters because apparently, an incorporeal soul disguised as a merchant, waltzed into Castle Archanea, and handed over the Darksphere to Hardin without anyone noticing, well, the fact that a bunch of red lights was hiding under the garments.

 

On 7/9/2017 at 4:05 AM, Franp3 said:

Frost doesn't actually heal anything, he just cryogenically preserves people until a better unit comes along and does the job.

Is that so? Tell me who's your favourite character in the series, and I'll talk shit about them. Two can play that game! Or, well, two will be able to play that game once I actually come to know who's your favourite character. Guess it's someone from Genealogy of the Holy War.

Why is he considered the Est of this game again?

He isn't. Est is this game's Est and Sheema seems to have been conceived as a prepromoted Est of sorts. Tomas is just... kinda there. I like to consider him an Est-like because his growths are beastly. But with my usual luck, of course, they reverted to those of his FE11 counterpart.

Still, 20 damage to your strongest character is nothing to sneeze at.

She could've killed him in just three rounds. I don't think anybody's ever come that close to killing him ever since the old days when he was still a mortal (3x and 4, if I'm not mistaken).

Not in this game. If he did have a brain he wouldn't have chosen the worst mage in the continent to be his bodyguard.

That much is true. But hey, he's just a weak, idealistic child. He probably felt it was too heartless to kick him out of the castle.

 

1 hour ago, Koumal8 said:

Finally I'm caught with this LP, been having a blast reading this in the last few days!

I'm glad you're enjoying it. Get comfy. We've still like 10 more chapters to go, counting the Chronicles and DLCs.

I feel like you should show the various units' stats when you judge them

Yeah, I probably should've done that. I was expecting everyone to come here with some knowledge of the game, unit bases and growths and all. Or, at least, the ability to search them up at Serenes Forest, which is where I do my stat research most of the time. If I do another LP, I'll keep this in mind.

but other than that the humor and and commentary are gold, as well as your... let's call them "team composition choices"!

Hahahahah, thank you truly.

Who do you think you're gonna revive now?

Etzel. Wasn't I clear about that?

Spoiler

Oh, look! Gotoh actually teleported us to the Wyvern's Dale! We didn't have to do as Frost and cross half the continent in a day or two.

And so begins the last story arc.

Of course. It would've made for a really boring map if all there was to it were Gharnef's heretic Bishops.

Yeah! Let's save the world! There are so many things to look forward to! Like...

Meh. Pretzel does exist in this world. And Gotoh.

Can I just quit?

No, of course I can't, I just promised to play the Archanea Chronicles.

Things. Draug's lance is okay (it's as powerful as the Spear of Suicide) and we got an actual brave axe so that other thing's quite unnecessary. Leiden got some more strength! Pretty good haul, all things considered. Certainly better than the rest.

Okay. Are you ready to behold more of my shitty ideas?

Hell yeah, I'm gonna use Roshea. Why? Because I can. I only have one of his supports available, sadly, but it'll do if he survives the chapter.

Management. Castor gets the brave bow. As I think I said last update, with his good speed he should be able to get quadruple hits more consistently than Tomas.

Also, Frost gets the spirit dust because Elrean probably isn't going to come to the endgame, Yumina doesn't need it and Etzel will have... 19 magic once he comes back, as well. Yeah. Frost'll probably get some more magic today (hopefully), but other than that, Etzel will still be better. After missing out on, what, 7 chapters or so? That just comes to show how good a unit Etzel is. He's one of my favourite units of this game for a reason!

Okay, before we go, I don't know where Tomas is, so let's go find him.

There you are. What? What was incredible?

Oh, I see! You almost killed him again! If only you weren't such a good Sniper, you could've missed and hit Pretzel!

Oh, Jesus.

Is that so? You two almost murdered Jagen, but what really worries you is the fact that he was mad at you?

I can't stand you.

Bwahahahah. There's something about this guy's over-the-topness that I just love.

It's always about Prince Marth, is it not? Unnhh.

You can't, Tomas, you're level 20. Pretty good, mind you, but you can't exactly improve any further.

Heh heh, yeah, you stay there.

No, I don't think so. Put in behind your monocle. I assure you, good things will result of that.

And then he just shoots while pretzel is still being marveled at Tomas' recklessness. Amazing.

Well then... oh, hold on.

There's Frost. Let's go speak with him, Failure.

Probably. That's all he does, heal, write letters, heal, write letters. And that's why I like him.

Aw, we can't let that happen.

Pretzel, you're the worst. Go play with your Marth body pillow, the adults are talking here.

What a predicament indeed. We should do something about it.

Oh. That's actually a good idea. Kudos to you, Pretzel.

Yeah, that must be the first good idea you've ever had. And it has nothing to do with Marth or training!

I can't see the connectoin, I'm sorry.

Enjoy it, Pretzel. That, right there, is the only person in the world who likes you currently.

Give it to me! I deserve it more than him! Anyone deserves it more! Gharnef deserves it more!

Oh, they wrote a letter to him? How positively nice of them.

And so, they became friends. Because Frost is a kind-hearted man and befriends even this failure of a person.

Well, that was neat. But we've asses to kick. Go!

That may be so, but we'll be fine. We're better than the Macedonian rabble. Playable rabble included. Athena's better than Michalis and Minerva, combined!

Nah, not really, but it does feel like it.

After the end of the war, this place'll be yours, Marth. The entire continent will be yours! You better know it all!

Well, yeah, the Barbarians are actually promoted here.

It would be unreasonable not to.

Okay, so, let's-- hold on, who's that?

Oh, it's our future Hauteclere user!

Pretzel, as usual, is an utter embarrassment.

And if I'm not mistaken, he was also a red unit for no reason at all. And if the "get the gaidens without killing anyone" patch was at play, he was also paralized!

Good thing, too. You're my last hope for an axe user.

And he's self-aware! I like Ymir. He's a cool guy. Shame about him having like, 10 chapters in total between both his games?

For some reason, that you are.

What a name indeed.

Anyway, Ymir. Ymir's bases are slightly better than those of the Wolfguard and Midia, and he has better growths than them. But his speed is really bad. He gets doubled more than he should. Still, it all comes down to his growths. Unlike the last five scrubs, who have good but not exceptional growths, he has some pretty amazing growths. As a Berseker, he'll have an 80% strength growth and a 70% speed growth. His luck and skill are lacking, as well, but overall, I'd say he's better than the Wolfguard and Midia, but worse than Michalis. And of course, we're going to be using the worst of the Wolfguard and Ymir instead of Michalis.

Here's the boss of this chapter. A generic Heretic like all the others in the map. I wish they made this guy drop the Glower.

Anyway, we gotta get Minerva to the upper village before turn 15 or else Michalis dies.

To that end, Frost warps Athena over to the northern mountains. She'll be taking care of the Thieves, and maybe pick off a couple of the enemies surrounding the village while she's at it.

She's in no danger. The time when Wyverns were a threat is long since passed.

Anyway, enemy phase. Leiden wouldn't have died even if he got hit critically. But all the same, it's a good thing he wasn't hit at all.

Mostly because this would've killed him. Why do I do this to myself? God.

The rest of the enemy do what I expected them to do.

Except for this. Jikes. Good thing she wouldn't have died, even if both wyverns hit her.

Okay, our turn. Let's feed our scrubs some experience. Ymir should get pretty good after a few level-ups. Roshea... I don't know. We'll see.

There we go. This man's blood marks the beginning of Roshea's journey towards being good. Don't disappoint, Roshea!

Well. Defense. But you need so much more than this...

Athena gets healed and finishes off this Thief. She's in no danger now. All these guys have to them is speed and swords too good for the likes of them.

Capped strength. She's capped S/S/S now. What a great unit. I wasn't expecting her to become this good, but she did, and I'm profoundly grateful for it.

I've learnt my lesson. Only our inmortal (and slowish) demi-God shall advance!

He... doubles the Wyverns. Why am I even surprised?

She critted this guy to death, if I'm not mistaken.

Or maybe the only one with enough speed not to get doubled was the first one. Who knows, who cares. All that matters is that they're gone, and can no longer raid the village. And with no Horsemen in sight, it's perfectly safe now.

All righty, Ymir levels up.

He missed his 90% strength growth but procced his 45% skill growth, and his 50% speed growth. And for that, I am thankful. He needs these stats pretty urgently.

Matthis gets healed. That's Elrean, by the way. Frost's busy physicing Athena.

Just like so.

There's a Wyvern next to the village. Athena shall take care of that before doing anything else.

Meanwhile, Matthis leads the charge. That's the first meteor Sorcerer's range by the way.

Oh, look, another Thief. He shouldn't pose much of a threat.

And the nuke is unleashed upon Matthis! For 19 damage. One less damage than Eremiah, resulting in this generic fool no longer being able to 3-shot the Matthis.

And, of course, this guy is simply incapable for finishing the job.

This Wyvern, too, tries its luck against Athena. But I'm afraid Vun Voman is much too powerful for him.

Player phase time. Let's feed some more experience to Roshea. I'm determined to make something out of him. His growths as Swordmaster aren't half bad, he should be salvageable. Somewhat.

Okay, you may take the Sorcerer as well.

Never mind, you may retreat.

Fortify! Mostly to top Athena off.

It's not as if you can get much more.

Predictably, this Thief couldn't do anything before Athena carved a couple javelin-sized holes on his chest.

And since Roshea is useless, Leiden has to do the job. You won't be launching any more nukes.

Frost. This place doesn't look very warm. Maybe it's not a very good idea to use the Frostbite right now.

I put Roshea here to take on the hammer Berserker. Of course, he gets hit. C'mon, Roshea, step up your game!

He can't even double him. How lousy.

I try to make Elrean chip this guy down for Ymir or Roshea, but of course, he crits.

Leiden will use his javelin and the fort to take on the eastern enemies.

Meanwhile, up north, Athena's going to bring this guy down.

Like so.

And now, let's use the again staff. It's been accumulating dust ever since we got it.

Athena may more out of there, now.

That's okay. I don't know if you'll stay with us after Etzel comes back, but... I shall see.

Athena moves to this corner. She'll be in range of a Wyvern, but that shouldn't be a problem.

God damnit Elrean. At this point you're just actively trying not to be a good Jeigan.

Again!

Good. Thanks, Elrean, for relunctantly helping out someone else.

There we go.

Roshea. I'll be blunt. Your situation couldn't be any more precarious. You cannot afford to get this kind of crap. Do you understand?

Another dose of fortify for everybody, because we've a bunch of wounded...

And that's pretty much it. I think I'll be leaving alone the northwestern Sorcerer for now.

Of course. When Leiden can't kill, he crits and does it anyway.

And, fittingly, he gets luck.

The Wyvern, too, goes down before the might of Athena. She gets luck and something else. I mean, at this point, all she could get is another point of defense and res and become even more broken.

It's our turn. Same deal as before. I think Athena may stay back now. Only two Berserkers are left close to the village. They should be easy to feed to Ymir or Roshea. Mainly Ymir. He hasn't gotten a crap level-up yet, unlike Roshea.

Speaking of whom... yeah, let's just move on.

Enemy phase again. Leiden almost kills this guy, giving Ymir the chance to claim the experience.

General healing.

There we go. Minerva moves north, she'll be rushing to the village as soon as the coast is clear. This is why I'm happy to have given her some experience back at Archanea Castle. I think she can take on one of those Berserkers.

But still, let's just wait for a better oportunity. I've plenty of time before turn 15.

And down you go. Now, to the hard part. Wyverns and meteor Sorcerers all over the place. There's no way to avoid getting attacked by two or three enemies at the same time in this area.

I usually have some trouble in this part, but we've got an inmortal demi-God on our side. Let's make him even more inmortal before sending him in.

Like so. Athena gets healed so I don't have to do it later.

4 enemies. Let me do some math, uh...

Yep. There was literally no way for him to have died. Even if the Thoron mage hit him critically, he would've survived with 4 HP. This guy never ceases to amaze me.

But now we must hurry. I wouldn't like to go through another round of this.

Bwahahah! Hah hah hah! Astounding! Incredible! You're in. You're sooo in.

Here, have some more experience. You've earned it.

Like s-- wait, why is he using a devil axe? I thought he had a silver axe.

No, I'm seriously confused now. I played this wednesday night. Why is Ymir using a devil axe? He doesn't even come with a devil axe in his inventory! I can't remember ever making him use the devil axe! I would've never risked this! What the hell is going on?!

After giving Ymir a devil axe and making him risk his life stupidly, I proceed to move Minerva just outside the range... of one Berserker, ready to be killed by the other one. What the hell happened? This, I remember, and it was already a pretty stupid move, but... what of the devil axe?

This, at least, wasn't a mistake. I knew Frost wouldn't die, as he was only in range of one of the meteor fools. But of course, his luck is terrible, so...

Jeez, I could've lost

I spent a couple minutes pondering who should take on the Thoron Heretic. It then occured to me that Tomas has a longbow. No risk, all the reward! Good job, Tomas.

And we keep on moving. Matthis shall trick the Berserkers into coming after us. I think.

Yeah... that was... a strange turn. But at least I couldn't have lost Minerva.

Pretty good, he's close enough now. Only one question concerning this person remains. Roshea or Ymir?

Of course. Matthis.

I don't want to take more chances than necessary. Unnecessary crit!

We're almost there. Minerva moves away, Matthis stands on the edge of the Berserker's range, and Marth stays behind and blocks the fort because he's useless otherwise.

But before that, some healing took place.

Oh, yet another meteoric heretic. You guys are so annoying.

Anyway, Matthis doesn't obliterate this guy, he just cripples him. I'm glad.

C'mon, Ymir, keep the good levels coming.

Excellent.

Roshea will cover the fort while Marth goes to the village.

But before that, Minerva has to visit it as well. This is a little clunky. Since Marth is the only one who can visit villages normally, you just have to know that Minerva needs to wait on the village gates to "visit" it. Before turn 15 for no particular reason.

Yeah, no kidding. His original sprite is mostly the same, I just added blood over the cuts.

"Something" is a unique way of refering to the legendary Starlight tome.

An asshat to the bitter end, are you, Michalis?

In FE3 this wasn't possible, by the way. He just lived through both books just to deliver the Starlight once more to Marth, and die anticlimatically.

In the remake, though, Minerva won't have that crap.

Yeah, he didn't rely on anyone else to commit patricide and take over Macedon.

How casual for a dying man.

That you have, Michalis. Even though I probably won't use you.

It's Marth's turn.

Yeah, yeah, the Starlight.

Let's take a moment to appreciate the fact that Michalis went into the Dragon's Altar, flew through the horde of Dragons and Sorcerers, took the Starlight tome (and presumably an Imhullu or two to the gut) and escaped, wounded, but alive.

What a badass. But he's still going right into the bench.

How very convenient that all the villains have reunited at that one place. Saves us time.

Michalis, you could've never harmed him. It's obvious that you would fall foul to him. What, is your arrogance so exuberant you thought you'd be able to bypass his magic?

Haaarrumph. Hmmmph. Hrrmm. Ahem ahem.

HINT HINT

And so, he dies... or, died in FE3.

And now we got the A rank tome. About time, too, but I understand why they give it to you so late. With 13 uses, it's all too easy to use it up before reaching Gharnef. After all, there are two more chapters before that. It doesn't help that the tome is amazing.

Very well, time for some arena abuse! Ymir's gotten a couple of good levels, but he could use a few more, and I want some more cash for statboosters.

I'll save you the trouble. Suffice to say, all the wagers were at around 1200~ gold, which pretty much means "It's going to be a beatable mage, instead of a unbeatable anything".

Ymir's training.  Look at that, he's better than Dice was!

Also, Frost's probably going to cap out before the end of this chapter.

Because it is Roshea's turn.

Roshea fared much worse, as he got doubled by his fellow Swordmasters, could barely do any damage at all to most people and, well, the "beatable" mages utterly destroyed him.

I was able to get him a level, but nothing else. But, hey, Frost reached the level cap! That's... actually not bad. Offensively, he's slightly better than Etzel was. But of course, his defense is way worse. Maybe I'll bring him along. I shall see.

Shopping. I bought a few recovers and elfires, and one of each silver. But of course, that ate through my cash...

Earn us some money, Matthis!

Even Matthis had trouble, being doubled by 'Zerkers. But look at that! He could beat Generals! Granted, he got a crit in that round, but sssstill.

Feena, too, reached her max level. She failed to cap luck by one point. But still, 14 defense for a Dancer. That's highly ridiculous.

Okay, time to finish this. Aaaarrrgh annoying meteoric Heretics! Although, I could finally take a screenshot of meteor that isn't a nuke explosion, soooo there's that, I suppose? Enjoy the sight of that rock?

Okay, at last.

And now, he's going to face the boss. Just this round of combat shall net him a level-up. Go ahead, disappoint me again, Roshea.

...

Well. That's fuckin' awesome. Which isn't what I wanted! Damnit Roshea, I told you to disappoint me!

Which he technically did. He disappointed me by failing to disappoint me, which means he disappointed me, which in turn...

Urk! Gaaah! My brains!

You better not fail. Otherwise, I'll lose Feena.

Nah, not really, if you fail, you'll simply lose the oportunity to get this kill, for Leiden or Athena would instead claim it.

Good work.

He's got 70 exp. And this guy is still alive. You see where I'm going with this?

Very well... I didn't plan this very throughoutly though. None of the people nearby can chip the Sorcerer down without murdering him.

I wasn't expecting this to work, but what do you know, it did! Good job, Rosh.

A couple energy drops and you'll be set for life. I've nobody else who needs them, anyway. Everybody else either doesn't need strength or has over 20 points in it.

I remember in the last minute to retrieve this thing. I didn't buy a single talisman, so it's a good thing I remembered.

And that is it. This chapter could be considered as "the calm before the storm" that are the chapters inside the Dragon's Altar.

What a beautiful place. Quite clean, too. Who cleaned the floor? You can see the ceiling! Astonishing work there, Gharnef. It's truly a shame that we'll have to stain it with blood. A lot of blood.

Oh, no no no NOOOO! Not Lord Gotoh Inconvenience the Pompous!

I do have to wonder what you're doing here. Weren't you supposed to be investigating? Doing important things? Like scratching your centuries-old balls all day long?

Mm. I see. That's actually useful. I'm dumbstruck. Why, you should've sent us hiking for another month or so before telling us that! We've time! The earth dragons are reknown for their patience!

Why is it that every time Gotoh shows up, everyone loses the capacity to think?

Oh so... you've been so annoying about the earth dragons just to tell us now that they aren't the ones we should look out for?

...what is going on?

...

...I'm almost afraid to ask...

...how, exactly...?

...

...

Wait, you mean to tell me...

You knew this? And... you only made the connection just now.

...

I...

You know, I wanted this whole stint to be comedic. I wanted to joke around! My sole desire was to entertain the masses!

AND YOU JUST HAD TO COME AND DO THIS! YOU HAVE DEFEATED ME!

I CAN'T JOKE ABOUT THIS! THE IDIOCY! IT IS FAR TOO MUCH! THIS IS THE GUY EVERYONE LOVES? THE DEITY WHO SAVED THE WORLD?!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! STUPID GOTOH!

Calm down, will you?

How? How am I supposed to calm down!? WHILE EVERYBODY ADMIRES THIS BUFFOON?!

Ruben, they're moving up the tower. We're falling behind.

Oh, I'll show you "falling behind".

What are you doing?

I've had it, Rody. I endured. Oh, did I endure. I've led you all, as well as I could. No matter how many we lost, I would never give up.

But now? I think I'm tired. I've lost faith, you know? I simply cannot bring myself to keep going, if what I'm doing is for the benefit of a senile buffoon, a failure of a mage, and a weakling dumbass Prince! Who will take all the credit for themselves!

I'm taking their lives right now, with my very hands!

Come, now...

Hey, cut it out, you're starting to sound like Gharnef!

...

  ..perhaps.

Calm down... sheathe your weapon...

...

It's all right. We two won't get any credit, either. Nobody will! We're all soldiers and retainers. Secondary characters to the main faces everybody knows and loves. But we're not doing this for fame. We're doing this for the sake of mankind.

I...

Yeah, it would be a shame if all those cute ladies were to die! We can't let our dumb leaders get in the way of that!

Yes... yes, I suppose that is true.

My apologies. I got carried away.

It's quite all right. I think we can all understand.

Indeed.

Hm... let's catch up to them, shall we?

Yes, of course.

...Marth, at least... Marth deserves to win... at least more than the others... yes... just keep telling myself that, and...

Ah, Ymir.

Ymir, I hate to break it to you, but your arms and chest are bare. I don't think that would be very warm in an actually cold place.

Ah, yeah. The last hat. I guess I should let you guys choose, although... does it really matter at this point?

We'll let democracy decide that. Tomorrow, we move on to the first filler chapter of the Dragon's Altar. And I hope Gotoh doesn't show his face. This... ugh. Seriously. He knew that already and he only made the connection now! What kind of investigation--

Ruben. Please.

Sorry.

 

 

 

 

 

Hey, Minerva! Where are you going?

Oh... I see. I'm sorry.

Okay, okay, hold on... I'm leaving...

GAAAH GHOST! Where's my sword!

Crap I gave it to Wrys!

Wait, what? He's not a ghost? He's alive? How?!

But I can see the houses through the hole in your gut! You're not living just because you'd be "endless laughing stock" if you died!

And Minerva, don't you think our first priority should be to get him to a healer post-haste? His will to live may be amazing, but he can still bleed out right here, and I am NOT wasting the Aum saving this prick.

Oh. Okay.

Okay.

OKAY!

FINE!

WELL I DON'T WANT YOUR HELP.

YOU CAN ROT HERE.

My friend, I think you need to rest. Very urgently.

Argh!

Okay, okay, I'm leaving. Urk. Where to?

Follow me. I've prepared some tea. It'll be good for you.

I guess...

 

Dishonorable reset count: 2

Reset count: 10 (Pretzel: 7 - Marth: 3)

Death count: Linde
                       Samto
                       Navarre
                       Arran
                       Norne
                       Roger
                       Cain
                       Wrys*
                       Frey
                       Cecille
                       Abel
                       Etzel
                       Sedgar
                       Wolf
                       Robert
                       Dice

*Retreated.

[I'm in over my head - A bad player's first Ironman Fire Emblem 12 run (and first let's play)!]

Gaaah! Noooo! Don't come any closer!

Ruben! Defend meeeeeee!

Ack! Stop clinging to me like a scared child!

B-but I am a scared child!

How many times must I tell you, stop being scared of Father Frost! He's a good man! He'd never hurt you!

B-b-b-b-b-but he said he would! Both of them did!

What...? Both?

GUAAAAARGH! THEY'VE FOUND ME! YAAAAAAAARGH!

Who's--

...

Ooooooooh! We're going to keep staring at you maaaaadlyyyyy!

Yes, indeeeeeed! Boooooooooo!

...seriously?

I'm sorry, but... for us old fellows, it's always nice to feel young again, you know? I haven't laughed that much in ages.

...by scaring a dumb kid?

Hohoho, indeed. But we didn't mean any harm. We'll apologise to that poor child later.

Jeez, this is such a madhouse. And I am its proprietor!

Well, you've got to admit, those stares are quite unsettling.

Unnnh...

Part 35 - The orphanage of DOOM.

Okay, good news and bad news. Tomorrow, I've another driving exam. That's the bad news, which are really only bad for me. The good news is, after this, I won't have to go to the driving school twice a day, resulting in this incredibly bizarre update schedule that goes like: "shit I gotta go to the driving school, crap it's very late I won't be able to finish this before having to eat, bollocks driving school again, jeez now I don't feel like writing" and then the update finally comes out at one in the morning, if at all. Maybe I'll finally be able to start updating at morning consistently. Somehow, I doubt it, though.

Today, I've one question for you all. Since we're approaching the endgame, please let me know: how would you like it if I played the Archanea Chronicles and the DLC chapters? If so, I think I would do them the usual "reset after death" way, because since they're separate chapters, it would be way to easy for me to just keep on moving if I lost anyone. And we're here to watch me fail, aren't we? Please, do tell me what you think. I would very much like to do that. On the one hand, I've never gotten around to playing them seriously (the only one I've beaten is the one with Boah and Nyna, and, well, that wasn't pretty), and on the other hand, it would delay the end of this LP, and that would be... good, I guess?

Now, before we begin. Replies.

On 5/9/2017 at 3:40 AM, KnightOfNohr said:

Honestly, I feel you on the "not enough time for LPing" thing. I do, however, wish you good luck with your education!

Thank you. Maybe once I've settled properly, I'll do something. I don't know. Probably FE6, I'll have to think about it. It's not as if anybody's going to remember me after a couple weeks, anyway.

Apparently, "hastely" is the older form of the word, but obviously, the language specialists thought that wasn't complicated enough. 

Goose - geese, moose - moose. Language is so ridiculous. But not as much as calling a guy "multiple goose". Poor Geese the pirate from FE6.

 

On 5/9/2017 at 4:26 AM, Franp3 said:

If I dissapear for whatever reason, I want Dayni to become this thread's new Master of Puns.

Especially if this madman is still around.

If this "madman" wasn't around, there wouldn't be a thread for Dayni or you to be the Master of Puns. So shut up, and eat those awful frosty puns right up.

Yes please.

Hurray. Inconvenience!

Let me help you! She's my best non-CYL unit in Heroes. I got her in my first pull along with a Wrys.

I haven't played Heroes. I wanted to, but then I noticed it has the Facebook Farm Energy System™. No, thanks. I'm probably missing out, but eeehh. They don't have Frost, anyways.

Maybe next school break? (No idea what breaks in college are called)

Nah. I don't really like The Last Promise, anyways, and I've never. But I would like to do this again. As I've said about a thousand times by now.

OH THE SHOCK! I COULD'VE NEVER SEEN IT COMING!

I REALLY SHOULD PLAY FE12!

Go the fuck ahead! It's a great game. And, trust me, MU never turns out as awful as mine did. Heck, in the maniac run I mentioned in the OP, I had a female Archer MU. A female Archer! And yet she was amazing.

Now seriously, I'll be really sad to watch this LP end. It's been fun both to read and to reply to!

Hahahah, thanks for the kind words.

 

On 5/9/2017 at 5:05 AM, Dinkiniensis Pontifex said:

Hasty is the adjective, haste is a noun. Many adverbs are made in English  (as well as Spanish, e.g. rápido to rápidamente) by affixing an ending to an adjective, such as -ly or -mente for Spanish. You could also say "with haste" but "hastely" isn't really in use now. 

Of course! That does make sense. Thank you, Pontifex.

 

On 5/9/2017 at 10:53 AM, Goddess Serra said:

That was another instance of me not being clear (that happens a lot lately). I was referring to your comment about using that expression to insult Pretzel.

You're forgiven. It's understandable. Intelligence was never the main trait of your character, Serra. One of these days someone's going to get back at me for these cruel jokes about people's favourite characters.

Talking about axe users (R.I.P. Dice) I say Michalis would be your best bet, because of his beastly bases, but Ymir... I have never seen anyone use him, so go for him. It's not like you are not accustomed to training units generally considered "bad". Efficiency be damned!

Efficiency is no fun, anyways.

 

1 hour ago, Dayni said:

Yes, yes they did.

What did I expect?

At least there's no chance you'll be losing allies next chapter too. Right? I mean, I haven't the foggiest idea, but still.

Well, only one way to find out!

Spoiler

Time for the last gaiden chapter. Feels like an eternity since we saved Wrys from Kleine and her minions. What is this "reset" crap you're babbling about? I can't remember anything about resetting.

No, but now seriously. Let's stop for a moment to appreciate the fact that, that day, I reset the chapter to save Wrys and Cecille. And then, Wrys abandoned the battlefield and Cecille died. Such success.

Thanks, Katarina. You've been more helpful than Pretzel ever was.

This is another fog of war chapter. This side story is longer than the others. It gets pretty close to being a full-length chapter. Fitting, considering this is the end of the assasins' subplot.

Yeah, we know. I think we've known for a long time. There's no need to rub salt on the wound, is there?

Why would anyone want to be of use to Pretzel? He's done diddly squat for anyone!

What is this, Become closer to Pretzel day? That's awful. I would like to show Roshea's conversations, because I quite like them, but I don't think it'll happen. Unless I use both him and Vyland, or him and Pretzel, God forbid.

Well, whatever. We didn't get anything out of this, so let's just move out already.

Oh, but first, let's have a conversation with Wendell. It's been a while since the last time we saw you, man.

Plot. Thanks, Wendell. Really appreciate this plot you've granted us.

Yeah, back then he was still a young, energetic Sage who didn't want to unnecessarily toy with the good guys.

No, Pretzel. You would've kept on living had Marth died. Stop being so clingy.

It's quite amazing. Gotoh didn't become an ass until this war. Maybe he just isn't too concerned about the earth dragons and decided to have some fun at Marth's expense.

Can't blame him for not fearing the earth dragons, but he's still to blame for Frey and Cecille's deaths. Damn him.

Pretzel asks the million dollar question.

Marth already proved that in the last war!!! Gotoh didn't need to test anyone!

He has his shitty reasons, that's what he has. He isn't just a weird old man, he's just a stupid old man.

I love how Wendell ends the conversation with a blunt "of course not". He doesn't seem to like it when people insult his master.

Okay, that's enough of that. Frost, maximize your healing potential by becoming a Sage. I don't need you to fight, so just grab one more staff.

Inventory management, as always.

Here's our formation. Matthis at the vanguard, and Frost bravely leading the rearguard. As usual.

Before we begin, I should sell the vendor trash we got last chapter. We're more or less set for life now. Until we visit next chapter's secret shop.

Gee, who could've foreseen that treating someone like crap when they're already regretful about their actions would make them decide to desert?

These guys have lived their entire lives in the darkness. Their eyes must be pretty accustomed to the lack of light by now.

Yeah, let us do that to you.

This guy is just chilling right here. Come, now. Use your one strategical advantage by not standing in the middle of our path!

Moving up.

The chapter's gimmick is longbows. Lots of longbowmen. Shame about longbows not being that good when not forged.

Also this idiot decided it was a good idea to attack Yumina.

That taken care of, it's time to move on to the corridor. Let's kill its guard.

Pretty good. Almost there. Cap strength, Tomas!

Down he goes. The corridor is ours!

I'm not feeling like doing frosty puns now. So, here, have a healing shot.

We are attacked. We retaliate. Predictably, we come out victorious.

It must be pretty cold in here. Frost probably feels right at home.

This first part is pretty easy, to be honest. These guys simply can't compete with my team of bad units and substitutes.

I mean, they can't even hit us at all!

Nice. What a Paladin.

Matthis discovers a Sniper. Athena ensures nobody else ever discovers him again.

And Frost cauterizes Leiden's gruesome wounds by frostburning them.

They just love to shoot Leiden, don't they? Don't you worry your pretty little heads. Or, do, if you will. It's not as if you'll still have them by the time we leave this place.

We'll need some barriers for part two of the chapter. Frost takes care of that.

And Yumina heals Leiden while everyone else moves up.

Gah. He wouldn't have been able to kill him, anyways.

Of course. You just had to attack Matthis, did you? He's Matthis! What, exactly, are you going to--

SHIT HE NUKED THE CRAP OUTTA HIM. For 20 damage.

Longbows. I think these guys have them forged in maniac. But here? They're useless.

Unless I let them get to Frost, I guess, but that's not going to happen.

Okay, one less Sniper in the world.

Frost is so fast. It's his only good stat, but still, look at that. Who said Wendell was the fastest old man in Archanea, again?

This is how things stand.

Oh, shit, Eremiah unleashed her nukes on Marth. But, what's the chance--

Of course. Grumble grumble. I wish I could bench you. Then again, I've lost so many people, I don't really have anybody else to field.

And I usually have so many people I want to train... Ironman's going to become my preferred way of playing Fire Emblem. It changes the game dramatically, for the better I'd say.

Of course, the real hardcore pros reset the game when Marth dies, but that's a little too hardcore for me. I want to see the end of the game, at least!

I waited some time before trying again. Not too long, though, hence why I only got two more freebies. Shitty freebies, at that.

And here we go. This is more or less the same, except this time, I make Leiden kill the initial buffoon.

I've nothing to say. This part's just us kicking ass.

So, yeah. Fast-forwarding to...

Tomas' leveling up. Please don't get crap.

...why do I even bother...

Hey, at least he's a few points ahead of his skill average!

We retake the corridor.

But before moving on, experience for Frost.

These guys are such wastes of time. But, maybe once I get one of those longbows for myself, I could forge it and give it to Castor. He might finally get something to do that Tomas doesn't do better.

The corridor's Sniper goes down just as easily as last time.

Mm. I don't know. The skill and luck aren't really all that useful, especially when Leiden already has enough of both for the rest of the game, pretty much. But I liked the defense. Still, strength is always good.

Also, there goes my plan to give this to Castor. Meh. Maybe he can get the brave bow? Thanks to his high speed, he should be able to get quadruple hits rather easily.

Healing for everybody.

And we keep on going. Eremiah goes after Tomas for some reason.

Oh, she went after Tomas for... no reason at all, because nobody else could attack him, or anybody else for that matter. Tomas moves back and is healed, because I'm not putting Frost inside Eremiah's range.

I love these still shots of meteor.

The longbowmen fail spectacularly.

Time to move forward. As always, Matthis will be leading the charge.

While she's at it, let's clean up our side of the keep. It's all ours, now.

Tomas has the lowest resistance of the time, so he gets a barrier.

I like this level better. HP and magic are things Frost really, really needs.

More nuking. I just realised, Eremiah is the first enemy in a long, long time that actually could kill Matthis. Oh, wait, no, she isn't. Matthis' luck is not low enough for her to have the smallest chance of hitting him critically. Pfhahah!

The Generals move in to pick up the slack. Too bad they're much too weak to stand a chance against such slack.

Oh. Well, I'd rather have Yumina avoiding damage when possible, but it's fine. Nobody else attacks her.

You dared attack my precious Aum user. Etzel's last hope! Damn you to hell!

What is Frost's favourite play?

Fraust!

Bwahahahah. I'm not alone, am I? Yeah, I definitely am alone here. Please don't leave just yet. 4 more chapters and I will no longer have Frost to make awful puns! Well, until his Archanea Chronicle, that is, if you decide to let me play those.

Marth! Why, you... I'm tired of you, Eremiah!

At last, I can showcase her stats. As you can see, she's basically Frost with way better durability who traded staff rank for B tomes.

Marth is healed, just in case the chest is boobytrapped or something. Thankfully, it isn't, netting us another Excalibur tome even though we've barely used the other one.

NO! Ah, thank God. 4% crit. This guy's luck, I swear. The only one with worse luck is Michalis if I'm not mistaken. And Michalis has defenses to even it out.

Now I've really ran out of patience. Lay off the grandpa!

Bye bye!

Don't you worry, we'll get to that post-haste. They'll be down there in hell with you in no time.

Let's get to it, shall we? Athena and Leiden prepare to storm the last of the rooms under enemy control.

Oh, never mind, they've chosen to storm us instead.

Storm back, people!

That makes it five empty level-ups, if I'm not mistaken. Addle-pated lumps of anthracite, what a shitshow this has been. I'm gonna miss it once it's over.

Tomas, don't you dare get another bad level-up.

Why, thank you! He's behind in strength and speed but ahead in HP and skill. Overall, pretty good unit. He'll be good in the endgame.

General healing.

Really? Are you sure, my friend? I don't think that was such a bright idea.

For your mistake, I shall bestow upon you the most shameful death I am capable of giving a person.

The frostburn!

And that is it for Eremiah's assasins.

Home stretch now. Some healing later...

Frost gets a really odd level-up. Defense and HP? Well, sure! I'm fine with this.

And before leaving, Marth retrieves the Aura tome, even though we've barely used the other one.

Can you please stop stating the obvious? That is all you do! Marth has a brain!

Oh, that's interesting, but... how do you know that, Jagen? Have you been investigating while we fought?

Lo and behold, a senile old knight is better than Gotoh at Gotoh's job.

You know, this is the reason I really like Gharnef as a villain. On the surface, he looks like just "another dark mage big bad". But then you look into him carefully and come to realise that magic isn't what he's best at (even though he's really good at it).

Nah, his real forte is manipulation. In his time, he manipulated the rulers and important figures of Dolhr, Grust, Archanea, and even used Marth himself to get rid of Camus and Michalis once he grew too afraid of them in the War of Shadows. He even cheated death! He's so good, he actually used the main villain, Medeus, instead of the other way around as usual.

Hurray. No, seriously.

Yeah, like preventing the apocalypse, according to Gotoh.

Hold on, we better spy on the villains before that. I think I already mentioned that I like all the redesigns in FE12 except for Marth's? Well, I forgot about Gharnef. He's exactly the same, except he's red now. I think this is supposed to symbolise the fact that he doesn't actually have a body, only his soul, brought back by the heretics. I guess I can wrap my head around that, since he's only killable by Starlight. It's not as if we'd be cutting down a ghost with a sword.

Still, it would've been more convenient to just let him keep his Shadow Dragon appearance and say they brought him back completely, body and all. The whole soul deal seems a bit unnecessary to me, but eh, what do I know.

What? Elice was in Altea, Hardin probably handed her over to Gharnef along with Nyna after capturing her. That leaves Maria and Lena. And Maria was probably captured by Rucke, I think it makes more sense for him to have sent her over to Hardin. So, yeah. Eremiah captured Lena and not much else.

No, but wait, that doesn't make any sense either! Julian mentioned the villagers had seen "a strange looking Bishop" just before Lena vanished! Gharnef himself kidnapped her! Eremiah doesn't look "strange" physically.

Oh, well. Let's just say they captured Maria and call it a day.

Oh, boy. Here it comes.

That much we knew already, thanks to Jagen's detective skills.

Yeah. Not even Eremiah was a true villain. Ironically enough, she was yet another puppet of Gharnef's.

This is just plain cruel. I like it. This scene is pretty damn good.

What a despicable person.

And so, she dies, screaming in pure horror as she finally comes to realise what Gharnef had forced her to do.

Not if we can do something about it. Tomorrow, we do that.

Dishonorable reset count: 2

Reset count: 10 (Pretzel: 7 - Marth: 3)

Death count: Linde
                       Samto
                       Navarre
                       Arran
                       Norne
                       Roger
                       Cain
                       Wrys*
                       Frey
                       Cecille
                       Abel
                       Etzel
                       Sedgar
                       Wolf
                       Robert
                       Dice

*Retreated.

 

[I'm in over my head - A bad player's first Ironman Fire Emblem 12 run (and first let's play)!]

21 hours ago, Franp3 said:

On 3/9/2017 at 6:24 PM, Rubenio said:

What power, exactly?

Why, you little-- how dare you disrespect a good man so?

But he is right. My power is nothing compared to that of Khadein's Sages and Sorcerers.

But, Father Frost, there was no need to be so snarky about it.

Perhaps, but... I'm just a humble grandfather who wishes to do his best for his family. I do not seek to impress anybody. My only objective is to help as much as I can, to make up to you and Prince Marth for liberating my homeland. Even if it's just a little...

Nonsense. You're being very helpful.

Thank you, Sir Ruben. I appreciate it.

Shouldn't you two be in the battlefield, though? We're still fighting the Emperor.

That much is true. Sir Frost...

Of course. I'm heading back.

Good luck to you.

J-J-Jikes... ack! Don't come any closer! I'm armed and ready to defend myself!

...

Okay, now you're really mad... I should... I shouldn't have peed myself, probably...

Damnit, Luke, why you little...

Part 34 - The fall of the mad tyrant.

21 hours ago, Franp3 said:

The only self-imposed rule you haven't broken yet is, ironically, the "Growth drop unit becomes a Lord" one.

Hahahahahahah! Amazing! The one rule that doesn't hinder me is, obviously, the only one I haven't broken. I love this. It's such a failure of an LP... but I've had a blast so far. Worth it!

By the way, while we're on the subject of the OP and the rules:

On 28/7/2017 at 0:00 AM, Rubenio said:

If I lose a unit, I'll have to press on and use a replacement. Hopefuly, I won't have to settle for using Matthis or Frost or anything like that.

Ah, the irony. If only I knew that he'd become my best man... Frost isn't quite as good as Etzel, but I'm biased, so he's amazing too.

You know what would be great? A Xane-like character that could take the form of any deceased unit.

I would field him every day. Etzel!

One that is bigger than Pretzel's!

At least we can agree, here.

I've never read Frost's supports, or used him, or played FE12 at all, so I don't feel any remorse for making fun of him!

Wait, wait, what? You haven't played FE12? What are you doing here, then? I said I intended this playthough for people who knew about the game! I spoiled the prologue's big twist in day one! Still, don't you dare leave. I love your replies, they're always an entertaining read, and rather long too!

Now seriously, try it. The story may not be the best, but it makes up by being an incredibly fun FE. And it has Frost in it!

Just... don't name the Avatar after yourself. You'll want to find a mirror to punch, retrieve the shards, and cut your own throat before chapter 1.

:Hugs harder:

I can't think of anything to say to this, neither snarky nor nice, sooo here have a Sedgar.

Nah, just joking :hardens hug in return:

Oh God, that sounded awful. I should probably go back and word it differently etc etc spanish stereotypes.

 

21 hours ago, KnightOfNohr said:

"Stupid Pretzel"

You are my new favorite person, Athena.

After this LP, might I suggest a "True Classic" Ironman run of Awakening? The rules are:

Things

Ah, I'm sorry man, you'll have to ask somebody else, I'm afraid. Firstly, I don't have Awakening. I do have a 3DS, but I've never gotten a 3DS Fire Emblem, and recording there would be really inconvenient. As of emulating, well, I tried to play Star Fox 64 3D on Citra and the game got stuck "creating save file". Maybe it's something really easy (hence why nobody in the entirety of google had that problem), but I couldn't figure out how to fix the issue.

And even if I did have Awakening, I start college in a couple weeks. It would be really awkward to do an LP in the middle of my first year. LPing takes a surprising amount of time. If I do another LP (and I would like to, I'm having a blast so far), it would most likely be one of the GBA games. Not just because I love FE6 and like FE8 quite a bit as well (FE7 doesn't exist, you can't prove its existance. Well, can you?), but because I wouldn't have to do any cropping, which is very time consuming.

So yeah, I'm afraid you'll have to ask someone else. That's probably for the best, though. Maybe then, you'll see an actually professional run, instead of a craptastic stream of failure, pain and blood. And questionable sense of humour.

9 hours ago, Goddess Serra said:

Problem is, I think "having fallen to the gutters" implies that the person was once a decent human being. Did we ever appreciate Pretzel?

Uhhhhh Hardin was talking about Marth. Hence, the usage of "having fallen to the gutters" instead of "has always been below the gutters".

6 hours ago, Dayni said:

Can't spell more wrong without moron though.

Hah! I didn't notice that one. Good work.

And Pretzel seems to prove that without question.

He makes being dumb look easy!

Also, I think I'll use Vun Woman next time I'm playing DSFE. Never got to it before.

Go ahead. From what I've heard, she's the best Gaiden character in FE11. Here, well, she's rather bad, but nowhere near the late prepromotes. I'd say between the Sabre Knights and the late prepromotes in terms of salvageability. But in H1, everyone's good enough. And Athena's awesome, so do use her!

Can I convince you to use Frost, now?

 

3 hours ago, Dinkiniensis Pontifex said:

If only you'd known that Yumina would turn out so awesome, maybe you would have made Pretzel a fighter rather than a mage at the beginning.

Actually, I do not regret it. This LP is being quite interesting, because...

Still, it didn't help that your MU got so stat screwed. I don't think I've ever seen a worse one.

Hey, bad publicity is still publicity. Fire Emblem experts will be coming here to investigate the rare case of Chris being bad.

I'm glad that you've developed some rarely used units, though. Athena and Matthis, and Leiden sure appreciate your efforts, and so do I. Nice work cranking these out!

Hah hah, thanks, my friend. That's actually how I like to play, usually. I didn't have much of a choice with some of these (Frost and Leiden), but the fact that I've used them both before should be enough proof that my teams are never normal. I mean, it's boring to use Palla every time. Gotta throw in Tomas to spice things up!

Speaking of whom, I just love how, while talking about forgotten units, you forgot to mention Tomas. It just comes to show how hilariously forgettable the poor guy is.

Spoiler

Last time, the infantry reinforcements were inbound. Let's prepare a proper welcome for them.

But first...

These guys have to go.

Look, Minerva got a crit! Interest!

Excellent. Leiden is just as reliable as always.

Mm. Acceptable.

Don't you dare die, Tomas. Be healed!

Two to go.

This really is being Castor's redemption chapter, is it not? Wow. He really was underleveled.

Tomas and Elrean each try to critically beat these two to death. Sadly, they both fail.

One more!

Bleh. Oh, well. Alone and cornered, he won't be a threat.

There! Now he truly won't be able to do anything meaningful.

Here, turn's end. Minerva's still here. Just in case you forgot.

Xane level-up. I don't think I've ever seen something like this.

It's not as if it matters. The only stat that means anything to Xane is HP so he doesn't need as much healing when transforming, so this might as well be an empty level-up. I mean, it would for anyone! 1 point of skill? What is growth rates?

...oh... 20% skill growth, ladies and gentlemen. His lowest non-resistance growth. Should I consider myself lucky?

They're here. But we're ready. Also, look at dem croppin' skeels, HELLA FINE-LOOKING TOP SCREENS EH?! Jeez.

What a brave, loyal Hero. He's been walking for hours just to die here, skewered by Leiden's silver lance. These are some good men you got here, Hardin.

And that's it for the Paladins. They are no more!

Pretty good. On average, Tomas caps strength. I hope he can do it.

If Frost's son was a trainee unit, what would be his name?

FRosst!

Bwah hah hah hah. That sucked ass and I love it. Just a little.

My Frost is damn good. Compared to what he averagely is. Yeah, he's even worse normally. Hey, he's trying really hard.

I do a trading chain to get Yumina a new Nosferatu tome.

But before that, I gotta ensure we're all in fighting condition.

Here we go. The General will probably go after Leiden, and everybody else--

Of course. Leiden has 6 more points of defense than Yumina.

So, so dumb. God damnit all. My experience!

She didn't even get a great level-up! Although, she doesn't have much more to gain at this point. Sure, magic, but I think she can already ORKO Gharnef as it is.

Get out of there. I want to save some enemies from you!

There we go. Face us!

An update on Minerva. I think I should just settle for using Michalis. Or Ymir. Still, I don't regret bringing her along today. The only other person I could've fielded was, God forbid, Pretzel, and these stats will help her be less of a liability in chapters 21 and 24. Unlike Merric, Sirius and Julian, she might at least be able to do... something.

Ack! 1% crit! Damn you, Thoron Sages!

We're making short work of these fools.

And at this point, this guy is only helping me by lengthening the Hero's life, allowing Minerva to get more chipping experience.

Minerva leveled up! That's a good level-up, but Ymir is still better than you, and that... that's just sad, Minerva.

That said, Ymir is one of those rarely used units the Pontifex spoke of. It would be interesting to use him. Maybe I could keep Frost even after reviving Etzel and bring a team consisting entirely of "bad" units and replacements to the finale.

Speaking of the Winter Bishop...

Strategy time. Athena chips this guy down, and...

Gets healed. Now she'll be able to kill the Hero without losing a sliver of health.

Like so.

Come, now. Athena! I'm doing my best to convince people to use you! Cooperate!

And Leiden helps her equip her javelin again, in preparation for wave number 2.

The Sniper realises he's inferior to Tomas, so he decides to enlist Gharnef's aid, who casts Imhullu on Tomas. Fortunately for us, he misses. But it was enough of a distraction for the Sniper to hit Tomas in the shoulder. Oh, my! Such a dangerous foe!

And now, we retaliate!

See, Leiden isn't just all jacket and no trousers. He is also a mighty fine fighter!

I really wish at least Belf got artwork. I would love to see the entirety of these magnificent jackets.

God damnit IntSys, why did you have to get lazy with the artwork? These poor characters... I think they're the only people in the entire series who lack artwork! Even the guys from the tearing saga got artwork!

If Frost had a Microsoft Outlook account, what would be the name of his offline data file?

Fr.ost

I... I just have no idea what to say about these healing shots.

Here's hoping I can get Feena to level 30.

Using the bamboo sword! It would've been better to use a bow, probably, but who cares.

I made Feena dance for Frost, and I needed to find some way to use him.

The Sage is on approach. I'm tired of these 1% crits: I refuse to take any more risks than necessary. Feel the might of the Parthia!

KABOOM! He has been volatilized.

That was fun, but please, Tomas, don't waste the Parthia. Even more.

And it's time for... walking turns! I never cap those, but yeah. While the team waits down south, Marth, with the help of Feena, loots the chests.

He is attacked, but it's fine. Nobody else is in range to finish him off.

And now, it's time.

It's time we face one of the feared Earth Dragons!

This is the worst kind of Dragon. Not only are they nothing exceptional, leaving aside their 2 ranged dark breath, but also, this is the only Earth Dragon you actually get to truly fight.

And down it goes. Pffft. This is the menace that would destroy the world if left free? Come, now, Gotoh. You're such a drama queen.

Billions of millions of bilious blistering blue barnacles, how many of these have I gotten already? Four? Curse it all, I've never had such a crappy run of Fire Emblem before in my life. Fitting, considering nobody has ever seen such a crappy FE LP before in their lives, most likely.

Forgive me for being so arrogant. I'm sure someone probably did something worse. I can't claim to be the best at being the worst. Not just yet.

Maybe if I did an Ironman LP of The Last Promise. That would suck.

Just a joke. Don't take it personaly, Blazer, if you ever see this.

Ehhh whatever, lookie here! Yumina got magic and not much else! But that's fine. This just means she'll kick Gharnef's ass even more soundly.

Athena takes the Lightsphere. We're going in!

But before that... let's abuse the hell out of the remaining fortify uses these Bishops have.

Bah. But that's fine, Marth's there to give her a new one.

Oh, sorry, what did you say? You want my opinion on the level-ups? What level-ups? I can't see any level-ups. All I see is a redheaded beauty shrouded in CRAP.

I am bored, so let's just move. Do your worst!

They do their worst, on cue. Shame about them being the worst as well.

Still, we lost some precious hitpoints to that enemy phase. Let us avenge them.

Like... so? Oh, well. It's not like Leiden's going to die or anything.

Excellent. You know, you might not cap strength, but I'm fine with that, Tomas.

Frost is a good healer. You should all trost him with your lives.

I'm gonna run out of puns before the end of the game, but before that... what? The Heroes didn't attack?

What...? I've never seen this happen before. Not in this game. They seriously didn't attack. Why?

Horsemen can raid villages, Matthis is a God-tier unit, the Avatar is worse than Frost, Heroes are cowards... what the hell? This isn't a FE12 playthrough! This is an incoherent mess! What did I do in my last life to deserve this? Was I an arrogant as hell FE pro and as punishment for being unlikeable, I've been reincarnated into an unskilled dumbass?

No, hold on, there's no way that can be right. Fire Emblem is not that old. Could it be...

Jesus, I think my old life didn't end so well... okay, which one of you numbnuts killed me? Eh? I could be a pro right now, but instead, here I am, losing unit after unit. Dangit!

Feel the Frostburn!

Wa-- hahahah! That's awesome! This guy. This guy's good. He can't take a single hit, but he's goooooooooood.

Here, you've earned the experience.

And they're gone! Victory is within our grasp.

Oh. Well, I mean, I'm sure he won't one-shot Castor.

Oh, crap. NO! HE HAS BOLGANONE! NOT NOW! It was all going so well... rargh!

...

Castor, I think I've finally figured out why you're still alive, despite being the worst con artist in history who can't take a hit.

You're just lucky as hell. I... I was ready to lose you... how... why, you little...

He just lived in order to disappoint me once I accepted the inevitability of his death. That is it.

You could've gotten another empty level and I would've been just as happy.

Heiling.

I do not want to waste any time with Gharnef's Glower Sorcerer. Die!

Yeah, sorry man. You had your chance and you blew it. Only death remains for you, Bishop.

This guy is no longer useful to me. I am not feeling very spiteful towards you because you are just the premature fortifier, but still. It would be a waste of experience to let you live.

Really? Feena? What a dummy.

Leiden moves in to anger Midia's guardians. After seeing their prey vanish before their eyes, I bet they're feeling quite bloodlustful.

The swarm Bishop is more successful this turn, but not much more so.

And the Generals, of course, fall for it. Soon enough, Hardin will be all alone.

Writhe in agony! Frostbite!

HP. That's all this guy needs now. Well, and magic, and defense, and luck, but ehhhhhhhhhh.

Elrean heals Feena. I missed the actual healing, but not the level-up that resulted of it. Stuff like this makes me regret not using Elrean more often. He's just worse than Yumina, sadly.

And that is it for Hardin's personal guard. I'm going to asume that's what these guys were. I can't think of another reason why they'd give these random Generals the standard boss theme.

Capped speed! 53 Hp! She's ready to do battle with Hardin.

Feena's the tankiest dancer I've ever seen. That's why I like her. In the GBA games, Dancers always arrive late, have really bad stats, and unpromoted infantry movement, which kinda defeats the purpose of them helping beat the game faster. Feena, on the other hand, is actually good.

And that's it. The other Bishop doesn't have any forfity charges left, so he may live for now.

But before we fight Hardin... why did the chicken cross the road?

Because the other side was frosty.

Eh? Eh?

Urgh. Urgh.

I love Hardin's theme, but not as much as this remix of it. Here, have it. It was made by Duke Smith. Midi, I know, but I still find it to be quite good (especially the part after 2:34).

 

I like that Athena didn't crit. It would've been really anticlimatic if she just got a lucky one-shot here.

Make way for the best Sniper!

He won't survive another turn. Rejoice, Hardin! You will soon be free!

But before that, we better make sure those two don't die.

Okay, he got healed by the throne, but it's fine. No big deal.

Some healing from Frost (no puns, I don't want to ruin this fight), and she's back on her feet.

And down goes the dark tyrant! (Yeah, she hit him critically. It was bound to happen at some point, with that enormous chance).

His skin is no longer purple! Hardin is back with us.

I think you have, actually.

See, Marth? He didn't really hate you. It was the orb speaking. That had something to do with the orb!

He's dying... Quick! What must we tell her?

Rest in peace, Hardin. You were just another victim of Gharnef's schemes. We shall avenge your demise!

Meh. Not very fitting of the occasion. But what can I say. You're still awesome.

And now we got the Darksphere! Hohoh! We're invincible! Tremble, Gharnef, for the invincible Falcoknight is coming for you!

Hold on, what?

Oh. Oh well. Too bad.

The Binding Shield sucks ass. It's, basically, a Starsphere reskin that's locked to Marth's inventory. And by this point, my Marth is unredeemable as a unit.

Minerva's last level-up. Jesus, she's awful. Why? Why are all the units usually considered good become pieces of walking shit when I try to use them?

Is it a curse? Nah. I think it's just a blessing in disguise. It makes things more interesting.

Marth uses one of the master keys (it is canon of the LP that the master key is, actually, a keychain of five master keys. That's the only way to make sense of it) to open the door. I hastily proceed to throw it back into the convoy, just in case Marth decides to use it instead of the Binding Shield for the chests.

Hey, Nohrianknight, since you're the self-proclaimed grammar nazi of the Lp... is there any reason why "hastily" can't be "hastely"? Please, do explain.

Brave axe. If only I had someone good to use it.

You thought you'd escape? I think not. I want your experience!

One more!

Why do units turn blue after being recruited?

Because this side of the battlefield is really frosty.

Okay, that one was fucking horrendous. I apologise.

Sorry, let me correct that sentence. Each and every one of those was fucking horrendous. I apologise profusely.

Canadianly, even!

That's going to Tomas. Castor's faster, he doesn't need it. Maybe I'll actually give him the Parthia this time, but I have a feeling I will forget to...

And that is it. Archanea is ours!

Pretzel steps off the bench to be unwarrantedly praised.

Oh, never mind. The priestesses have saved us from such idiocy.

No, but honestly, how the hell does Marth fall for this? I know you haven't played FE12, Franp, so this might come as quite the shock to you, but these aren't the real princesses. Yeah. Who could've foreseen that, indeed.

We haven't seen Gharnef anywhere! I'd be mighty suspicious if I were you, but then again, you are a weak, idealistic child.

Wait, no, I'm sorry. I wouldn't be "mighty suspicious". I wouldn't even suspect anything! I wouldn't have time for that! It's so obvious, there's no time to process the gigantic clues before you come to realise that they're not the blasted princesses!

But of course, an inanimate object is smarter than Marth, so we're saved. And Jagen. And Pretzel. I can't say I'm surprised about Marth and Pretzel, but Jagen? C'mon, man, you're better than this. Although, I suppose you are senile and old. But even then, you won't be defeated by the likes of Gharnef, right?

In the bad ending (y'know, if Wolf raided the King's village or something), this scene goes exactly like this, but it just ends right there with the princesses. So basically, Marth goes on to live the rest of his life with Gharnef pretending to be his sister.

Jesus, poor Merric.

At this rate, he will what? You have the Imhullu, the Falchion and the Starlight. What, exactly, is Marth going to do? You could just blast him dead right here! The Binding Shield only kills Earth Dragons!

And they're gone.

WOW! NO FUCKIN' SHIT! IS THERE ANY MORE OF THAT ANCIENT KNOWLEDGE YOU POSSESS THAT YOU COULD UNLOCK FOR US, MASTER SAGE!?

OF COURSE! I WASN'T SERIOUS WHEN I ASKED YOU TO TELL US MORE! SARCASM! S-A-R-C-A-S-M!!!

Yeah, no... sigh. Let's just keep on going.

Just what I fuckin' needed. Lord Gotoh Inconvenience the Pompous. Gah! Can I just... quit? Right here? Is anybody gonna miss my ramblings?

...

...

Well, I'm certainly going to miss rambling, so...

Augh. Brace for impact, everyone.

Yeah, thank you for telling me something I already knew. We already have Pretzel for that, you know?

Actually, that's exactly what happened. It didn't just "feel as though".

Now? 5 more chapters. 2 of them are filler. I always warpskip one of them. And I don't even like warpskipping! They honestly could've at least removed one of them and nobody would've ever missed it. You'll see what I mean.

But of course. Fuck the clerics. We must seal away the earth dragons. But, worry not! I, Lord Gotoh Inconvenience the Pompous, understand how you feel!

This would work if this guy didn't have the ability to teleport and wasn't such a powerful magic user. C'mon! Why can't you rescue the clerics while we take care of the dragons? Can't you help? Like, at all!?

Oh, no need to say "please". No need to be so polite and thankful! We're going to feel so good, we're going to explode right here, BECAUSE OF HOW NICE YOU'VE BEEN TO US! YOU ECTOPLASM!

Blistering barnacles, I... I swear. This old timer is infuriating.

Awesome.

Actually interesting information that these characters didn't know already. We did, of course, but this actually makes sense, unlike Pretzel screaming "THAT WAS GHARNEF". Even though he'd never seen Gharnef while Marth had.

Poor people. Let's go help. We can't rescue the clerics, but we've the time to beat up a woman.

 

Exactly. Let's send someone who won't get slaughtered, shall we?

Katarina! I've never been this happy to see you. Mostly because you've replaced Pretzel's ugly mug.

No, Gotoh overheard the conversation and warped to her to fill her in. Urgh.

Hah, sorry, I'm just joking. Gotoh would've forced her to go through Anri's way blindfolded before telling her anything.

For some unspecified reason, Pretzel knows about this if Katarina dies. Couldn't they have just made Katarina being alive a requirement to unlock the side quest? Did they really have to use the slim chance of someone having lost Katarina to make Pretzel be even more of a Gary Stu?

Marth, c'mon, she's really trying. At least look at her. She's trying harder than your fuckin' bff! MATTHIS is trying harder than him, and his whole character consists in being lazy!

I'm so sorry, everyone. I just wasn't ready. I wasn't quite ready to take Pretzel being an idiot, Marth being an idealistic, weak child, and Gotoh ('nuff said) all in the same cutscene.

Tomorrow, we'll pay a visit to the assasins' orphanage and their leader, the evil Eremiah.

...by the way, I don't think I've bragged about it yet, so... no deaths in this chapter. Hohoh! I guess it... sort of makes up for the four deaths last chapter and 15 total deaths uh...

Dishonorable reset count: 2

Reset count: 9 (Pretzel: 7 - Marth: 2)

Death count: Linde
                       Samto
                       Navarre
                       Arran
                       Norne
                       Roger
                       Cain
                       Wrys*
                       Frey
                       Cecille
                       Abel
                       Etzel
                       Sedgar
                       Wolf
                       Robert
                       Dice

*Retreated.

 

[I'm in over my head - A bad player's first Ironman Fire Emblem 12 run (and first let's play)!]

Damnit, guys! You failed to notice the irony in my exchange with Frost! As punishment, no opening dialogue today!

You just have no ideas, do you?

Shut it, Rody! I am not even using my avatar! We can't talk!

Avatar? What are you talking about?

Well, uh... how do I explain...

Is it like when I go to a girl and pretend to be someone I am not to entertain her so she--

Enough! Enough... but... huh. That's... surprisingly accurate, leaving aside the last part.

...I can't say I understand, but we've more pressing matters to attend to.

Indeed. We can't lose now, can we?

Let us move! Today, Hardin falls! Today!

Are you sure it'll be today, though?

Yes! The end of Hardin's reign will most certainly take place today!

Very well. I pray for everybody's safety.

Part 33 - The beginning of Hardin's end.

On 2/9/2017 at 5:03 AM, Franp3 said:

yay i'm one of your best repliers!

Me_irl.

Heh... aaahhh indeed.

Nice one.

Thank you.

Pretty much how the rest of the world sees spaniards.

Yeah, that and flamenco. Basically, foreigners think all of Spain is Andalucia.

I noticed it last update, but thought you didn't include it because it hadn't been used for so long.

Well, the point of that counter was to show how shamefully bad I am at playing by the rules at all times. Now, it also comes to show how shamefully bad I am at copy-pasting.

 

On 2/9/2017 at 3:35 PM, KnightOfNohr said:

Insulting Linde? I'll have you know, her ghost will be angry and vengeful for that, and will retain all her spellcasting abilities! Be afraid, oh Ruben.io!

Oh, dear!

On second thought, you're good. 

Right, she died back in chapter 6 and gained one point of magic. My resistance is higher than that.

Then again, it's Linde, she's got other talents for combat.

Like her friendship with Nyna, that could be bad for me.

Yeah. That's exactly what I was thinking about.

Oop, looks like I was wronger more wrong. Well, Live and Learn. (Hanging on the edge of tomorrow!)

Not really, I'd say you two were equally wrong, but at the same time, equally right.

 

21 hours ago, deskita said:

Well, I did not see Robert and Dice dying while I did see Sedgar and Wolf dying, does that even out?

Exactly. Between the two you got it right, so give me your addresses and I'll send half a cookie to each of you.

Spoiler

I might split this update in half, again. 400 screencaps is nothing to sneeze at. These two chapters are quite long. Fittingly, since this is (one of) the grand finale(s).

Look at Hardin. He looks so ashamed of himself.

Well, they haven't given us anything. The village contained Roshea, who, as far as I know, is not an Archanean. This is Fire Emblem, nobody ever visits houses that don't yield any reward!

It's a good thing Hardin is far since gone. It would kill him to know everybody hates him. I mean, knowing one woman didn't love him was what killed him!

Look at that. Our favourite weak, idealistic child is learning.

Go!

Tutorials.

All righty, first things first, Frost follows Etzel's footsteps. All things considered, he didn't really need the defense, as I'm never going to allow this guy to be attacked, but eh.

Statboosting. Sadly, Frost can't use the arms scroll to increase his staff level. I never understood why the scroll can't be used for staves. But who cares, Yumina's got A rank there, so she'll be taking the fortify staff.

Yumina gets Wolf's dracoshield, as well, since I feel like she'll make the most out of the defense boost. Tomas is in a bit of an awkward position when it comes to speed, so I help him out a little. Now he's right on his average speed. Yeah, my Tomas is a bit stat screwed.

Inventory management. Xane will be coming along today, because after losing Dice and Robert, I have free space, and I'm sure as hell not going to take Sheema or someone like that along.

Then I sold a bunch of junk and got a bit of cash. It'll be used for...

Wait, before that, free stuff. Jesus. That's awful.

Okay, you know the drill, find some training songs.

Minerva's... Minerva's really bad, not gonna lie. But I've put gold into her, and now I'm going to get my money's worth.

That wasn't such a nice line. I should probably word that differently. But I'm still spanish, so I can't. We spaniards are infamous for being bad at english.

Wait a minute.

Oh, good day to you, Frost. Yeah, Wrys took care of that, don't worry.

I know I keep saying this, but it's just... look at that fucking frown! It's square shaped! How does a man this happy and carefree develop a frown bigger than Hardin's, or Gharnef's, or Medeus', or Navarre's, or Michalis'...

It's always the little things...

I reckon you're all happy! A nice, happy family.

I can't let this guy die. I really can't. I'd feel heartless. Sure, I already am heartless at this point, but this guy is not a soldier. His death would leave several people (grand)fatherless. Frost must live!

And that's how Frost became a magic user. He just... sort of accidentally adquired his power for his family.

I would make a joke about him sucking ass, but he's too nice a guy for me to bully him so.

You, on the other hand... Pretzel, this ailing old man is better than you. He's better than you! Do you understand that? Frost is better than you! And he's widely considered the worst Mage in the entire game!

I can imagine.

No, Frost! Don't befriend him! He's useless.

Bwahahahah. They actually thought of changing this part for the female MU. Not Frost, man, not Frost. He's too good a person.

Awkward. It's not like you deserve to have your back washed by Frost, anyways.

All right, who's next?

Tomas! Yeaaah! Is this the day? The day Pretzel dies?

You're a nice guy, Tomas.

ACK! NO! What have I done!? I've spoken the same words as Pretzel!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHH.

 

I am now clinically depressed.

I no longer am clinically depressed! Go ahead! SHOOT HIM! PIERCE HIS ENTIRE BODY! END HIS SORRY USELESS LIFE! KILL HIIIIIIIIIM!

Hahahahahahahahahahaaaaah. I love it. Seriously! He shoots him even though he refuses to cooperate! This guy is amazing. But not as amazing as his face. It's quite amazing. They took a Gordin clone, turned him into a Sedgar clone in FE3, and then made him into the embodiment of dorkiness in the DS games, with a weird hairdo and a wimpy face. Which, in and of itself, makes him quite unique. Certainly not as boring as Guard.

Anyone else?

Oh, Athena!

Yeah... like reconnaisance. That's probably spelled wrongly, and I won't go back to correct it.

...okay, no, just kidding, I can't. It's reconnaissance.

Yey, friendshit. Sorry, friendship. Ahem.

Apologize... what?

Yeah, exactly.

...

Okay, this is it.

Face me! I shan't let her fall into your hands! Not you, of all people!

...never mind. He's too stupid. I won't even have to murder him.

By the way, see, Nohrianknight? Wronger is correct. It appears in this game!

Although, I'd rather say it's wrong and use it against Pretzel. Sure, I was wrong too, but who cares about that.

Stupid Pretzel, can't spell "more wrong" right.

"I don't know what kind of thanks you had in mind". Come, now! I'm a shy, recluse virgin and even I am not as dense as you! Jesus!

Heh heh heh heh heh. "Ve don't remember giving any". I do wonder what she has in mind. Heh. Snort.

BWAH HAH HAH HAH HAH no not really.

Well, I may be able to cut it with this sword of mine.

I love the face she makes when she says that. Where or when, it's irrelevant, all that matters is how!

...why do I always end up talking of M rated stuff whenever Athena shows up?

Pretzel you're the stupidest person I've ever seen.

Even she knows you're fucking idiotic!

Anyway, Castor goes back to being a Horseman. I think he'll be more useful like this.

Wow. Look at those defenses. This is the reason Castor has been neglected by me constantly: he can't take a hit, unlike everybody else worth having who's still alive. You know, Castor, everyone with durability as low as you not called Yumina or Frost is dead. You might want to do something about it.

Anyway, it's been a long time since I've last showcased the formation and the boss. But this is a boss worth showing. Look at those stats. Bosses in general are never that big of a threat because of their inability to move from their thrones, but Hardin will not be easy to take down when the time comes.

More crap! I know, it's been a while since the last update. Well, just a couple days, but when you usually update once per day... I just wasn't feeling like it yesterday, sorry. I'm spanish and all that.

And we go!

Midia is apparently blind and cannot see the fact that Hardin's eyes are red and have no pupils. Honestly, I think they handled the whole "possesed big bad" affair better with Lyon. At least Lyon didn't look like a zombie, even when he was in full evil mode.

By the way, just for the record, I humbly believe Lyon's the best written villain in the entire series, especially in Ephraim's route. Just saying.

You know Midia is smarter than her fiance because she at least knows Hardin had something to do with Nyna's disappearance.

I love this line. "All I wanted to do was destroy Grust, but she just HAD to get in the way! Dangit, it's not like I wanted to destroy the entire world! It was just fuckin' Grust, for crying out loud! Why does nothing ever go my way?!"

I'd say about... one.

This guy was Zephiel before Zephiel was a thing. But Zephiel had the best General under his command while Hardin got Lang and a bunch of throwaway guys, so it evens out.

We'll see who snuffs whose life out.

Before anything else, Leiden, acclaimed bounty hunter and Thief catcher, catches this Thief and hunts his bounty, the master key.

And we rescue Midia!

Let's talk about her. Midia has a higher speed base than Wolf and Sedgar. This automatically makes her better than the entire Wolfguard, but... just barely so. She can be slightly useful in this chapter, certainly more so than the Wolfguard was in the last chapter, but other than that... her growths aren't even that good.

That said, I give her some weapons. Maybe I'll do something with her.

Spoilers, I don't.

And Xane imitates Frost. He'll be making himself useful. Or try to, at least.

Jesus, 2% crit. Frost's luck is so awful.

Without further ado, let's begin the assault.

Down goes the first Hero.

And, with a little help from Leiden...

Down goes the second Hero. We're inside!

And here is the first Frosty heal of the chapter.

Swarm. These guys are annoying, but... not very much so. At this point, I would've expected siege Bishops to be equipped with meteor, at least.

Of course. Go for Yumina, why not.

Once the player phase rolls around, Yumina goes for this Sniper here. With the shaver, obviously, I don't want to waste the Nosferatu tomes too much. No crit, sadly, but that's fine.

That'll be capped speed. What a unit.

Kill for Minerva! I don't have many hopes for her, but eh. At least her defense is really high. A few statboosters and she should be good to go. Michalis will probably be better than her, though.

I like to talk about how I keep neglecting Castor, but really, I've also shafted Elrean pretty badly. The man is in a bit of an awkward spot in that he doesn't have either Yumina's raw stats and Nosferatu and Aura access or Frost/Etzel's healing abilities. For how good we used to be, right now he's just merely mediocre.

Hah! Perfect. Shame I can't let this guy go anywhere.

But Leiden's close to getting a level-up, and this will allow him to finish the Hero off with just a javelin after helping Yumina equip her Nosferatu tome.

Good work, Leiden. I can't unlock his supports, sadly (I used him once, but much like Frost, it was before changing to the DLC savefile). I was counting on getting all his conversations with Robert, since those with Pretzel aren't very interesting, but alas, 'twas not to be.

Just Frosty things.

Matthis is falling behind. We better help him. Spoiler: he won't cross the Hero's corridor.

This is how things stand at the moment.

Swarm.

And heals! Why now? Who knows!

Why would this guy go after Yumina? Yes, of course, she's the only one in his range, but...

Oh God, 1% crit. But Leiden does it better.

And that's it for the northern guards. I'll send someone after the guys stationed inside the prison cell.

The Sage survived, but I don't think he'll live much longer.

Leiden, after getting healed by Elrean, has been chosen to go after the northern enemies. The swarm Bishop is no more.

Marth retrieves the master key, while Midia settles for a standard door key. I think this is the door key from chapter 15? I've been hoarding that crap for far too long.

Frost.

Feena does some dancing, and...

Some more Frost. I do not wish to lose Frost to that 3% crit, so I just move him away from the fleas' range.

Speed. Simple. Very much frosty.

Here are the Paladins. Bastards. These guys are the biggest threat this chapter has to offer. Their spears mean not one of them is less of a threat just because they traded silver for range. If anything, the spear-toting riders are more dangerous.

Of course, I was so worried about Frost, but Xane? Who cares about a friend of Gotoh's.

What's with everyone wanting to go after Tomas? His defenses are great! Why do they all go after Tomas?

Leiden is attacked by this Sage. I'm not sure why, but they didn't give the Hero any ranged weapons, so this is the only threat Leiden will face in this turn.

And now he's dead. This guy gets better and better by the day.

Ah! Tomas! I wasn't expecting that. But it's fine, nobody else can reach Tomas.

Elrean, Frost, Feena and Frost. Need I say more?

Jeez. Okay, that kill's going to Minerva if I can arrange it.

But of course, Athena critically hits the guy while I was trying to wear him down. Why not? I bet she won't bother critting Hardin.

Yeah, she's going to do the honours. She and Leiden would be the most suitable individuals to face off with Hardin. Matthis would be better, sure, but I'd rather not use him because he gets doubled. He'd never die, and he'd do even more damage than anybody else, but I don't want Hardin to break the Gradivus too much before we can pry it out of his dead hands.

Athena's stats are slightly worse than Leiden's, but Athena has access to a regalia while Leiden doesn't, so I picked her.

Neither Frost nor Elrean, but Yumina heals Athena.

And there we go. Marth will be heading for the trasury, while Matthis heads back to the entrance to welcome the Paladins.

Even more Paladins. I fear for the future...

Swarm. This guy is going down any moment now.

Look, a crit! One less spear to worry about.

Athena will lure the Paladin closer to the main team.

Bishop kills. Except Castor completely obliterates his Bishop, while Minerva... can't quite do it.

There.

Minerva, you can't afford to get this sort of crap!

Xane was Xaney again, so I turn him into Elrean this time.

And Yumina takes care of the healing.

What? Oh, crap. The treasury also triggers this scene? I wasn't aware of that.

3-4 playthroughs, here. Although, in my defense, I'll say that it's been a while since I last made it this far without getting bored. With my usual casual playstyle I tend to get really bored in the endgames. I'll have to try doing ironman runs more often. It's been a blast thus far.

Fallen to the gutters? What a nice way to insult somebody. I'll use it against Pretzel as soon as I can.

Evil Hardin is less agressive than Elice when describing Marth. Think about it.

And here we have that "envy and wrath times ten" Gotoh warned us about. Hardin probably felt jealous of Marth for being favoured by Nyna, but never to the point of hating either of them. Only after the Darksphere turned him into a paranoid maniac he actually came to "utterly despise" Marth.

Sure. I take it the grey skin, red pupilless eyes and Evil Coat™ are just a product of your unbalanced diet. Am I right?

Marth, are you stupid? Gotoh told you the Darksphere takes one's darkest thoughts and makes them their only thoughts. And yet here you are, believing Hardin always hated you just because he told you. Come, now! You're better than this!

Uhh, I don't think Marth liked that one.

Don't you worry, Hardin. We'll put you out of your misery soon enough.

Damnit! Reinforcements! Although, they're quite far away. I'm more worried about the latest wave of Paladins.

Fighting. This is why I love Matthis. He may no longer be able to murder everything like he used to, but he can take on three spear/silver Paladins at once and take minimal damage. This would be way harder without him.

That won't save them.

Sorry, I stand corrected. It will. for now.

Look, a kill for Elrean! I didn't intend to give it to him, but sure, go ahead.

Okay, but you're so much worse than Yumina, this just isn't reasonable.

Still, Yumina wanted to thank Pretzel while you handed some very delectable verbal smackdowns to him. You're still badass, even if you've fallen behind the rest of the team as a unit.

This is what Minerva will be doing for the rest of the chapter. Boss abusing this guy who isn't a boss.

Marth begins the chest raiding. Cash! That's always nice.

Healing. I don't know what to do with Midia, so I'll just let her hang around overthere.

And this is it. Leiden and Athena will be stopping the Paladins dead in their tracks, before they can reach Frost and the like. Tomas will hang out behind them and shoot arrows over the duo's heads.

Again with the premature fortifies. Wasteful heathen. Be glad you don't drop that staff. Otherwise, I'd warp Yumina on top of you.

I was rather worried, but for some reason, the Paladins seem to think Tomas is a better target than either of the frontliners. And this isn't just a rare occurrence, either, they'll be attacking Tomas over everyone else as long as they keep coming.

Why? He murders them from afar just like Leiden and Athena would from melee range!

They would've been way more successful had they all ganged up on Athena. Good thing they didn't.

Look at that. I don't understand, why would they put infantry there as reinforcements? I mean, good for me, these guys are way too slow. Once they arrive, we'll be ready to take them on.

To that end, we begin to kill Paladins. We better hurry, the infantry may be slow, but they're moving all the same. We can't afford to linger around longer than necessary.

But before that, Frosty things, Minerva chip, and Marth chest opening. I've always wondered how, exactly, does the Fire Emblem open chests. Does it turn into a key?

Anyway, brave sword. Pretty good find.

And there we go. One less Paladin...

Excellent level. Now your HP isn't almost as low as Minerva's!

Two less Paladins...

One more point of speed and she'll cap that stat. Keep at it, Athena!

Frostbite!

And you know what, Hardin? Two can play this game. Fortify!

Not as good as the others. Where's that 100% defense growth? I want it back.

Leiden equips his javelin, so as not to kill more people than absolutely necessary during the enemy phase.

And, after the customary reinforcements and premature fortifying...

We brace for impact.

Good! Good level-up. Tomas is slightly worse than Castor offensively, but his superior durability allows him to be a more efficient frontliner.

There we go, we've survived another turn.

These guys keep on moving. But look at them, they simply can't keep up. And that's the first wave of reinforcements, so they're ahead of the rest.

Castor does his thing again. Nice speed. Keep on improving it.

We're not killing fast enough. Stupid fortify Bishops... the infantry's never going to catch up, but the sooner these Paladins are gone, the better.

Healing, healing. We don't want to lose anyone. As usual.

Minerva's still throwing handaxes, but I don't think you need to see that. This is slightly more interesting. Meh. This is just, like, a tiny bullion at this point.

Fortify!

And Frost tops off Athena. We're ready for the next turn.

Prematurefortify.jpg

18 defense. I love this voman.

I think it's about time we went on the offensive, wouldn't you say?

But first, this. Yeah, it definitely is time. These guys will arrive in three turns at most. They may be slow, but they're capable fighters. Better be ready for them.

But, having ran out of Paladins and with the rest of his reinforcements being slow as snails, does Hardin stand a chance? Find out tomorrow! Place your bets on who you believe will live to see another battle and who will fall.

Dishonorable reset count: 2

Reset count: 9 (Pretzel: 7 - Marth: 2)

Death count: Linde
                       Samto
                       Navarre
                       Arran
                       Norne
                       Roger
                       Cain
                       Wrys*
                       Frey
                       Cecille
                       Abel
                       Etzel
                       Sedgar
                       Wolf
                       Robert
                       Dice

*Retreated.

 

 

[I'm in over my head - A bad player's first Ironman Fire Emblem 12 run (and first let's play)!]

A-A-AHHH! R-Ruben! Help! I--

Luke! What's wrong with you!? We're in the middle of a battle!

Th-there's a veeeeery scary man here, he wants to speak to you!

Scary? What do you mean? And does he not know we're in the middle of a battle?

H-he says he comes from the battlefield!

What?! Tell him to come in!

Good evening.

Ah, hello, Sir Frost. We'll move out again soon, so please, be quick.

Of course. Worry not, It'll only take me a minute.

All right. What is it?

I'd like you to send this letter for me. I trust you've the means to do that. It can wait until after this battle, if you're too busy...

Hmm, indeed I am...

I'll take care of it, if you don't mind.

Yes, that would be most convenient.

Very well, thank you. Well, I think I'll go back to the rearguard now. I hope my power is being of use to you, Sir Ruben.

It very much is. Be safe, Sir Frost. Your family would be sorrowful if you were to fall in battle.

I'm waiting for someone to point out the ironry in this whole exchange. Don't leave me hanging, guys.

Ah! N-no! Don't hurt me!

Hurt you? But why would I hurt a nice boy like you?

Don't mind that guy... he's... not very smart, to say the least.

Well, if you say so... in any case, I think it's about time I head back.

I'll see you after the battle.

...not very smart...?

Part 32 - In which everything went wrong - part 2.

I just realised how weird the title is. It's like that one chapter in FE7 that's a side quest of a side quest, chapter 19x part 2.

20 hours ago, Franp3 said:

I see the Pretzel bullying has reached new heights. I like it.

Yeah, and you know what's the best part? Frost will be better than him by the end of this chapter. Think about it.

(Puts on helmet)

I hope the rescue abuse didn't hurt your heart too much. I wouldn't like to lose one of my best repliers.

For a moment there I thought you were going to sell Pretzel. If only...

The bridge key was more useful than Pretzel. Think about it~

The Elreman!

He's here to put Pretzel in his place!

Intencionally or not, it was a reset, and it was dishononable, so to the counter it goes.

God damnit Franp. Fine. I'll do it, just for you.

EDIT: 4th page! Otro paso hacia la dominación del universo! :D 

And 2000 total views! Ya solo necesitamos reclutar a todos estos pobres ilusos para nuestro ejercito, y estaremos preparados. Creo.

 

10 hours ago, Goddess Serra said:

Yes! By the way, FE12's lategame prepromotes are REALLY bad base stat-wise, but they do have at least decent growths and Frost is no exception, IIRC.

Yeah, the base arena is more or less required to use all of these guys, except for Frost who can heal just fine without any help. I regret being so harsh when I reviewed him, he's more usable than I thought he would, even after missing a chapter. He's certainly better than the Wolfguard. Staves is quite good, and even though Katarina does outclass him badly, he has some uses.

5 hours ago, deskita said:

If anyone's going to die, it's likely to be either Frost or members of the Wolfguard in my opinion.

 

23 hours ago, KnightOfNohr said:

I bet you'll recruit Wolf and Vynland, but that someone will die. No offense. :P

Uhhh, interesting! Conflicting wagers! Let's find out who's wronger.

Spoiler

Last time, everyone and their mother had charged at us. Today, we charge at them.

Leiden claims today's first blood. Unfortunately for the Horseman, he has almost capped speed.

Enough to double the helpless Horseman, of course. And now it's capped! Also, that defense is really great, he's two points ahead of his average.

His partner in jacket follows suit. Defense!

Yumina, too, fights. We need all hands on deck. Except for Frost.

That said, Frost's role is equally as important. I wouldn't want to lose anybody.

Castor helps Yumina not die before bringing death to this Horseman. He missed his first hit, sadly, so...

Athena finishes the job.

Slowly but surely, the enemy vanguard is falling apart.

Good enough. Strength is good, as is HP.

Look, Marth got a kill! Who could've forseen this?

Oh, it's spelled "foreseen"? Crap. Well, that's one typo I'm not going back to correct, I've used that word way too many times.

In any case, Marth gets... exactly the same level-up he got last time. Yuck. I won't even benefit from the reset!

Frost heals, and...

I think it's about time we trapped Sedgar. He will attack Castor, but Castor has his axe equipped, so Sedgar should survive...

...oh. Well... fuck.

He's going to attack Yumina, isn't he?

Of course. Why not! Life is overrated anyways!

I can't even pray for a miss because Yumina has a 100% chance to hit him twice.

Well, at least now I've a use for that 1 use rescue staff. I now MUST save Midia.

I mean, I would've done it anyway, but now it's imperative that I do.

At least we got his bow. Not that he would've done more.

Sedgar and Wolf used to be early Karels who kicked ass once you got them a few level-ups. Now? They're some of the worst units in the game. They're less bad than Roshea and Vyland at base, but they're still really, really bad. That said, Sedgar and Wolf are outrageously high leveled, so RNG abusing can only take them so far. The only way to make these two viable is to feed them statboosters. Really, I don't think it's such a big loss. Wolf never even gets over Hardin's death! It's a shame Sedgar had to fall as well, but this is war, I'm afraid.

I was slightly worried about Robert, but of course, since her defense is low, everyone left in the vicinity went after Yumina, failing to realise she was wielding the Nosferatu until it was too late. At least we can now move forward.

Wow. 10 defense? I stand corrected, her defense isn't low, it's as high as Robert's! This girl. And to think, I once tried to use Linde. It would've been such a waste. Look, we've something to thank Lang for! Thanks, Lang!

Frost does his thing.

I stand corrected again: we can't move forward just yet, for these slowpokes were here, desperately trying to catch up to the rider squad. They never will.

Elrean heals in Frost's stead.

Meanwhile, Roshea and Vyland move south to the town. They are no longer needed, and I'd rather not risk them taking a stray ballista bolt or something.

Frost does his thing again...

Tomas and Matthis renew their weaponery, as their steel weapons were almost broken.

And we begin to move. Imagine this for a few turns as I prepared to attack.

First things first, the less enemies, the better. Matthis tricks a couple of Horsemen into attacking him. Bad mistake.

I'll make sure they learn just how mistaken they are the hard way.

Or should I say, the frosty way? Eh? Eh?

I really like the Bishop sprite in this game. It looks really good, especially the cape. The animations, as always, are kinda bland, but the hat makes up for that. I still like the FE6 Bishop animations better. They should've never gotten rid of the hat. Yodel looked amazing.

He can't stay there, though. Feena takes care of that.

And now he's free to heal once again.

Not bad. Not bad at all. Keep on getting HP.

Elrean tops Castor off. I want everybody to be fully healed for phase 2 of the plan.

But before that, Tomas brings down the second Horseman.

And Feena dodges a ballista bolt. This guy is so annoying.

And so, we move up! Matthis leads the charge, as usual.

Oh. That's it? No reinforcements? Meh.

Die, you imbecile! I'm tired of you.

Leiden critically hits the General to death.

This is it. Please, don't die, guys.

ACK! BLISTERING BARNACLES! Thank God Leiden's awesome!

This doesn't matter. But we've still a long way ahead of us. Leiden, please, put that capped speed to good use and dodge everyone's attempts at killing you!

Surprisingly enough, most of them went after Matthis and Tomas. Well, I suppose Tomas can't retaliate while Leiden has a silver lance equipped. And they've the same defense.

Hey, Wolf. Rejoice, you're about to die for your beloved liege.

Dice takes an arrow to the knee, which means Leiden doesn't. This is going well so far.

Ourgh!

No! Leiden! Survive! I'm begging you!

What an underwhelming way to reach your level cap. You didn't cap speed!

Oh well, you're still my best man. Look at those stats. This guy is going to take the Gradivus and never let go of it.

Aaaaand the last enemies go after Tomas and Matthis! Yes! Leiden has survived!

Hell yeah, I celebrate by risking to lose him to a 89% chance. God damnit, past me, why? Why did you do that?

Screw you, past me.

I've no idea what this is. Probably Frost physicing Leiden, but don't take my word for it.

Time to end this! Everyone, attack!

Hahahah. Vun voman's great. And she's getting greater and greater by the day.

Stay in this fort, and please attract some heat, Yumina.

Oh dear, that didn't sound good. I should probably word that differently, but I'm too lazy to go back and change it. I'm spanish, after all. I've bull fighting to watch and paella to eat. Except I don't like bull fighting. But paella's great.

Frost.jpg

And thus, the Wolfguard comes to an end as her leader falls in battle.

He has the exact same death quote as Sedgar and Vyland. Not Roshea, though, he just screams "glory to Aurelis!!" which is... way more original than his comrades, or the "luck be with you sire" lot.

Time to take on the second wave of reinforcements. Robert will be fine, I placed some guys around him.

But first, this crap. Ballisticians are so annoying.

Oh. Turns out I didn't send anyone in to shield Robert.

You see, I thought "Yumina is a squishy female Sage, they'll all go for her". But I forgot that, since she's been getting so much defense lately, she was just as sturdy as Robert. And, of course, the fort further increased her durability. The resulf of all this is...

...Robert's demise, of course.

And I went through so much trouble to make you good, Robert... farewell, my magnificently jacketed friend.

But you know what? Fine. Athena was going to get the Mercurius anyway. Affordable losses.

Wait, what? Dice as well? No!

Okay, nobody else attacked us. Good, good. Time to avenge Robert. Perish!

You as well! All shall fall before my might!

Okay, this makeshift living wall should be enough to ensure everybody's survival.

How nice. You're nowhere near Yumina, but you're still okay. Good as a backup healer and spellcaster.

And Frost takes care of the rest of the injured.

Jesus Christ, what's up with this dancer? 12 defense? How?

Of course, yet ANOTHER wave of reinforcements. You can never get too much experience, amirite?

God damnit, I swear, if I lose Dice as well...

Argh! Yes! Perfect!

NO! STOP! CEASE THIS CRITTING AT ONCE!

Why?! You were going to live!

Oh. Never mind, he wouldn't have lived either way.

At least... at least you took down that guy before you died. So long, viking guy. You did well.

This is bad. Now I've lost my only dedicated axe user. I could use Ymir, I guess, but... eh. I'll think about it. Maybe Minerva. A few rounds in the drill grounds should do it...

But first, we need to survive this battle!

Good. Nobody else died. And nobody else will, for that was the last wave of reinforcements.

You will all die. It is inevitable.

Not very good. Step up your game, Tomas. Please. I'm trying to prove to the world that you're great.

More frosty bussiness.

Dice, your death has now been avenged. Not that it matters, since you cannot hear me, but oh well. He had to die, anyways.

Not as great as the last level-up you got, but still great.

Home stretch now. Keep on going, people!

Yumina thinks she's got enough speed, luck and defense, and has decided now she wants to be a normal Mage. I'm not complaining.

And with this, the cavalry's dead.

Bleh.

And with this, not just the cavalry's dead. Everybody but Nerring and the accursed Ballisticians is dead!

Leiden's going to be a better fighter than Matthis one of these days. Only because of his speed. Generals are not without weaknesses, sadly. But killing is not his job.

Frost heals Leiden. As usual.

Pretty good. Magic's good, although I would've prefered if that point of skill was a point of HP instead.

I think it's time to destroy all of these guys, what do you say?

That was nice. Level-up for Athena!

Hahahah. This woman's too good. 16 defense on a Falcoknight.

In fact, I think I'll send her to fight Nerring.

You got that right, pal. That's exactly why we're going to make sure you stop standing there.

Good. And now...

Critical Tomas!

This game has a severe lack of memorable underlings. Hardin's a good villain, and the assasins are nice sub-villains, but the only general working for Hardin that wasn't throughoutly forgettable was Lang, and Lang died in chapter 6. Instead of someone like Narcian, or Valter, or Duessel, or Camus, or Narcian, or Murdock, or... you get the point, he got Nerring, the General who wanted the empire to have a long life.

Augh! No matter. We'll top that level off in the arena.

But before that, frostbite!

And a bunch of turns of walking later...

I was going to pull out because Tomas got doubled, but he refused to let this chance to level up go.

Just so he could mock me by getting the exact same crap. Damnit, Tomas. Your face is laughable enough, you don't need to try to be funny with your level-ups. We got Leiden for that.

Just frosty things.

Athena, too, fights a couple of battles.

50 HP. Holy crap. 24 speed! 20 luck! I knew I could count on you, Athena.

And that's a level-up for the Bishop.

Frosty.

Before we go, let's give Vyland something to do. He buys a bunch of stuff. One of each silver weapon, a mend, and an elfire tome, if I'm not mistaken. That should be enough for the rest of the game.

And we're done! Hopefully, no more death will take place--

Excellent. Fuckin' A. Me and my blasted mouth.

Boah's Wendell but with a green attire. Green is my favourite colour, and I dig the 'stache, but otherwise, he looks worse than Wendell. His hat just doesn't have the charm of Wendell's pope headgear.

I don't see why. You could've been really progressive and make Archanea the first country with a female leader in the continent.

Oh, I'm sorry, I was wrong. Boah isn't just green Wendell. He's also a pragmatic asshole.

Why would it be heresy? I don't understand. Is it because he's supposed to be death? Oh, of course, it's because he isn't a noooooooooooooooble. Only nobles can marry nobles. Jeez.

Emphasis on "was". It doesn't look like he's happy anymore, judging by your current health condition.

If I recall correctly, he talked to Nyna in his joining chapter. And then he never spoke again. But, fine, let's say he loved her.

Surely you thought there was no way that could've ended badly, eh, Boah?

No, I don't know why I show this CG now instead of when it actually appeared. I was in full auto mode with the cropping by now, okay?

Well, to be honest, this being the middle ages of anime, you didn't exactly have much of a choice. In fact, I think you did well, all things considered. You could've forced her to marry Marth, that would've been even worse. Imagine that, a game with Hardin as the protagonist fighting evil Marth.

Now I wish you'd been a huge asshole to Sheeda, Boah.

Again with the underreactions. "How do you know about Gharnef?", "Why did Hardin randomly beat the crap out of you?" "Why didn't you or anybody else become regent to buy enough time for Nyna to sort the whole situation out properly?" "Why did noone try to help Hardin when he was in such trouble?" "How, exactly, did a suspiciously dead merchant infiltrate castle Archanea to give Hardin, supposedly still drunk in his room, the Darksphere?". These are a few examples of questions you could've asked, Marth. And yet you just say "So that's how it is". You're the protagonist, I guess.

At least you asked about Nyna.

Once again, how do you know that? Were you listening?

Maybe that's it. Boah was spying on them, but Hardin caught him and almost killed him, leaving him for dead, and the rest is history. I don't think they ever explain any of this, but it makes sense, doesn't it? This theory at least answers the first two questions Marth should've asked instead of saying "So that's how it is".

Frost burned through a whole physic staff, so I appreciate this, Boah.

And so he dies, and it becomes clear that, while he was a pragmatic fool whose mistakes caused this whole war, he was still just a man who cared for his country and, yes, for Nyna as well.

And there we go, another Thoron and another physic.

Thanks, Boah. I won't let your death be in vain. I won't let anybody's deaths be in vain.

Tomorrow, we put Hardin out of his misery.

I've just realised I haven't posted the dishonorable reset counter for a few updates. Sneaky. So sneaky, in fact, not even I noticed it!

Dishonorable reset count: 2 Curse you, Franp!

Reset count: 9 (Pretzel: 7 - Marth: 2)

Death count: Linde
                       Samto
                       Navarre
                       Arran
                       Norne
                       Roger
                       Cain
                       Wrys*
                       Frey
                       Cecille
                       Abel
                       Etzel
                       Sedgar
                       Wolf
                       Robert
                       Dice

*Retreated.

 

[I'm in over my head - A bad player's first Ironman Fire Emblem 12 run (and first let's play)!]

We've arrived at Pales. Hardin and his elite will soon be upon us.

Mm. Yeah, that is, indeed, what is happening.

I wonder how many people will die because of your faulty strategies. 

Nobody. We'll all survive this battle.

I find that hard to believe.

Shut your trap. This is a serious moment.

I suppose...

Then shut it, sit down, and watch as I defeat Hardin without losing a single man.

But what of the women?

The women are my most powerful combatants not counting Matthis. There's no need to worry about them.

Poor Athena, she's so screwed...

Hush, Luke. It begins.

I'll say a prayer for everybody's safety.

Part 32 - In which everything goes wrong - part 1.

The following content may be disturbing to efficient players and hoarders. Viewer discretion is advised.

17 hours ago, Franp3 said:

Remind you of someone?

No, not really. I can't think of anybody at the moment. Why?

Dracoknight!Matthis isn't killed by a silver bow sniper and MU can't double a general. This has become quite the strange LP.

That was my intention. I don't want this to be remembered as the most magnanimously memorable LP in history of the internet, but I wanted it to at least be somewhat interesting. That's why I am not using Palla and the like.

 

17 hours ago, KnightOfNohr said:

Pretzel Picks off an opponent and gets an arms scroll

Pretzel: I'm participating!

He did more in that chapter than Rody ever has. That is quite the accomplishment.

I'm with you on the whole "MU Mary Sue" thing. At least in Awakening, they made him a famed tactitian IN-UNIVERSE, so all the crazy genius plans and praise from the main lord were (somewhat) reasonable! And while Awakening had an original story, Mystery of the Emblem's Book 2 already had a serviceable plot, and while adding an Avatar is reasonable, they didn't have to make them almost a main protagonist! I mean, they are a new recruit at the beginning of the game!

In conclusion, the effort to instate a player created character as a deuteragonist in New Mystery of the Emblem was ineffectual. To quote xkcd, "Summer Glau"

Yeah, honestly, I would've really liked the Avatar if they didn't shoehorn them into the story. While I like the fact that they make everybody talk, I would've liked it better if all the conversations were between characters, not just the Avatar and sometimes, someone else. Bottom line, this game would've been better off with a MU that didn't talk at all.

Spoiler

They changed the calendar after the war of shadows? Wow. It's going to be remembered as the shortest era in history of mankind. 2 years, and bam, another big ass war.

Also, yes, I did miss the title card. That's the first and most minor of all the failings that will take place today.

Yeah, because crowds surrounded by menacing soldiers tend to be really silent.

Poor Midia. Her only use is to fulfill the requirement for chapter 20x. A fine character, but much like all the fine characters who join this late, she just doesn't work.

Of course, these chapters would've been really boring if the rebelion had actually weakened Archanea significantly.

Really? Did we wait months before attacking Gra? Or maybe we just took months to reach Gotoh. It wouldn't be too surprising. Stupid Lord Gotoh Inconvenience the Pompous. Making us hike for months.

Hell yeah! Let's go.

But before that... I didn't screencap the person who got the 29 experience. Three hurrahs for me.

Oh look, Marth and Pretzel 3!

Yes, we know.

And that's it. Before anything else, it's time to sell this junk.

Rejoice, Serra. I've decided to use Frost instead of Pretzel. He's still way worse (if nothing else because his HP is very low), and probably won't ever amount to anything other than healing, but I love the man, so I'm happy to have an excuse to bring him along.

Also, I've been thinking about it, and I now know how to handle the conversation problem. By now, Pretzel's been benched so many times, it's not worth deploying him just for the conversations. So instead, I'll be using the event recap. I give Frost the bond drop because I don't have his conversations unlocked. I used him once a long time ago, but that was before I knew about the DLCs, so when I downloaded the DLC savefile, the one with Frost's conversations was lost.

And, hey, since we're here... let's talk to the man himself! What could he be doing?

Ah, writing to his family, I see.

This is why I love this guy. Let's take a moment to appreciate this picture. A man with Throwaway Bad Guy Frown™, Throwaway Bad Guy Cheekbones™, Throwaway Bad Guy Dark-colored Apparel™, and Throwaway Bad Guy Name™ (as in, they just picked a random word from the dictionary and called it a day. Looking at you, Rude, Zinc, Guerrero, Glass, Wire, Tirado, Seeker... you get the point), after almost running into a wall, yells "Yowie!". Yowie!

How did Frost not get artwork? His appearance is amazingly unfitting. It's hilarious.

Yours are probably the only thanks he has. But that's all right. You're a good guy. I understand why you'd be nice to even a failure of a man like Pretzel.

Looks like it. Good job, Pretzel. You looked at the piece of paper he was carrying. Without you, I don't know where we'd be. You're the only reason, and I mean OOOOOONLY reason we made it this far.

Did I do it right, FE12 writers?

D'awww, that's a serious problem. We better help you out, christmas grandpa.

No, don't ask him! He'll start talking about training and Marth!

How very sad. What do you have to say about that, Frost?

Hah hah hah hah. You have to wonder how, exactly, did this continent's Flanders carve such a huge frown into his skull.

Eh, not bad. That is probably the best I've ever said about you, so enjoy it while you can.

Bwah hah hah hah. This guy does not belong in a battlefield.

He's following your advice. What's the problem?

Anyway-- oh, Dice. Good day to you.

How blunt.

C'mon, he's begging ya! Comply, Pretzel!

Well, it's better than thinking only about training.

Suuuure. That's the truth, quite simply.

Yeah, I'm curious as well. Please, do elaborate on that.

The music becomes all serious here. Dice is a philosopher. Who would've thought. Although, he does have a point.

Pretzel brain not understand, must train, must... train...

Of course. Come, now. You're such a paranoid--

Huh. Who would've thought. He was right.

How strange. Oh well, let's move on.

Oh, yeah. Yes! I love this one.

Move a little to the right, Pretzel. Otherwise, I think he'll shoot through your head. Eh? Eh?

Oh, what an idiot. This is the equivalent of getting cold feet when you've already jumped off the skydiving plane. You're already there, focus on making it easy for him not to kill you! Don't just start chatting when he could be ready to let go of the string!

Hush, now. Gotta let him focus. We wouldn't want him to miss his mark.

...

...

HUUUUUEEEAAAAAARRGHAAAAHAHAGGHHHH...!

Yes! Hell yes!

What? No! That wasn't meant to happen!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Well, on the bright side, Tomas is happy.

Tomas is very skilled. Although, I like his high defense better. 16 defense, holy cow.

Hah hah hah hah hah. I like how casual he is about almost jeopardizing the whole mission by murdering one of Marth's key retainers.

Not that it would've been such a big loss, but the game would've been over, so...

Hah. What a good guy. I'm looking forward to the next conversation. Maybe then he'll actually kill you!

Anybody else, or can we go already?

Yes! Elrean!

Pretzel, I don't think he wants to be your comrade. I know I wouldn't. And this guy is even more of an anti-social prick than I am.

See?

What a fruitful relationship you had with your classmates.

Yeah, he learnt that from Marth.

If everyone hated you, who did you trash talk them to? Your mom?

Frankly, I have no idea.

What? This has nothing to do with what he was saying!

Elrean's my spirit animal.

Quick, Elrean, get out! I'll cover your escape!

Yeah, sure. You keep on hating everyone, Tsundere-san.

You know, just today I saw a guy somewhere (completely unrelated to FE, too) who said all FE fans are weaboos. I don't know. I like all kinds of games. Like that time I jumped from FE to Wolfenstein: The New Order and Day of Infamy (a very good WWII FPS, for those who don't know about it) to fuckin' Mario.

Then again, that guy later admitted that he only intended to bait people with that statement, so... yeah.

Inventory management.

I noticed at the last second that I was giving Matthis the wrong orb. That's better. This'll make him virtually invincible.

I mean, why wouldn't he?

Yeah, it would've been a real problem if they fell for Hardin's propaganda and we had to fight through an angry mob.

Yeah, this battle takes a long time. And with the dialogue and all, I think I'll split it in two parts. This update would be way too long otherwise.

I... I don't... I can't even...

I'm so sorry, Marth. I promise not to let anybody else die. Please, come back to us! Don't give in to insanity!

This is the reason Frost is not very good. The ballista one-shots him. He really, really doesn't belong in a battlefield. I guess I could've deployed him last chapter, but I don't think that would've made a real difference.

But it's fine. I'll keep him outside the range of death and warp Matthis closer to the village.

Like so. Frost will come in handy because, since he can't do anything else, he'll be doing all the staffing, allowing Elrean and Yumina to fight instead of having to heal all the time. Yumina's the only one able to use the fortify, though. And I forgot to give it to her, so technically noone can use it!

I don't want Matthis to fight everyone. Mostly to save them from him. So he moves away.

The rest of the team moves up.

Oof. Damned Ballistae.

Matthis can't double these guys, but that's fine. At this point, I don't want him to kill, I want him to survive. And if he stops doubling reliably from now on, then he'll do that perfectly. Although, I would appreciate it if he capped speed, just to see some more green numbers.

Athena waits here, so as to bring the northernmost Warrior closer to us.

And everyone else keeps moving up.

Jeez! At least they have a really crappy hitrate.

Healing... what? Healing? Why now of all times?

Eh, who cares, I'm not complaining. It means they won't be able to top everyone off after we're done.

Nobody kills anyone, but that's fine.

More healing. And that's it for this turn.

First things first, this guy has to go. Robert and Athena take care of that.

And now, it's time to take on those Paladins. There are a couple of ridersbane dastards, but Leiden can take one. And he won't kill them back, unless he crits.

Matthis attacks this guy. Not that it really matters, he'll just get healed.

And that's it. Let's pray Leiden doesn't die.

JIKES okay I forgot about this. Thank goodness Leiden's awesome.

Healing, etc.

Oh noooooo Matthis got critted. 6 damage! GAAAH!

This isn't important. The important part comes...

Now. Excellent. Good job, Leiden.

Perfect! This is exactly what I wanted.

The others either attack Tomas, or are unable to attack anybody.

And after the Bishop wastes another one of his fortify charges, the enemy's turn ends. Time to go on the offensive!

A disarmed Matthis won't one-shot the Thieves, summoning Vyland ahead of schedule.

Look Marth got a level-up! It sucks.

Ergh... oh well. I wasn't counting on Frost to be my new MVP.

And that's when I pressed the load state key by mistake, and went all the way back to the beginning.

So. I'll leave the roasting to you guys. For the moment, I'm just going to wonder if I should count this as a dishonorable reset.

I don't think so. Mostly because nothing different happened up to this point, I just did the same things, more or less, and the results were the same.

...still, what kind of short-term memory does one have to have in order to forget he didn't save a state five minutes ago?

Then I carefully chipped down this Warrior for...

Frost! Go ahead, my man, take the kill.

Fun fact: Frost is the only character in the DS fire emblems to have grey hair in his sprites (as far as I know). Which is weird, you'd think they'd have made his sprites bald like Wendell's, but nope. It looks a little weird as a Bishop, too. Instead of grey, it looks like a very light blue. Maybe it's a glitch.

Sweet, sweet experience. He'll level up for the first time soon.

But now I want him out of the ballista's range.

This time, I disarm Leiden, because I am NOT risking to lose Leiden after making a stupid mistake such as loading a savestate.

Stand here, Castor. For no real reason.

Actually, there is a reason. His defenses are crappy, therefore the Ballistician will target him instead of Leiden.

This happens once again. It's equally as futile as last time.

By the way, notice the Warrior standing on the village? He's got a tomahawk. And he just keeps throwing it at Matthis. This means, so long as Matthis doesn't move, the village is safe. Poor, stupid AI.

Like so. I feared a crit, but it didn't happen. I'll make him equip a melee weapon next turn.

Capped defense! Capped HP! As things stand, he'll get doubled by Hardin, but will survive a round of combat against him. He'll get doubled by the gradivus and survive. Think about it.

Leiden does about as well as last time.

And that's it. We're back here. Sure, I gave Frost a kill this time and all, but you know, in the grand scheme of things, that doesn't really change anything.

Again! Time to go on the offensive!

Robert leads the charge. Quite successfully, at that.

He takes some damage, but it's nothing Frost can't take care of.

Nice! That's a good level-up. You're already faster than Pretzel. Keep it up.

Feena dances for him, and he heals Tomas as well. Why, me? Why?

And we proceed to rain death upon these helpless Paladins from afar.

Pretty good. Castor's a strange case, in that he has always been throughoutly unremarkable, and yet he's managed to be a staple of the team ever since he joined us. Think about it, he was the last to promote, I neglected him pretty badly for a while, I brought in Tomas of all people just when he was starting to shine... and yet, here he is, kicking ass as always.

I disarm Matthis, just in case the dumb Thieves try to attack him.

BILLIONS OF BLISTERING BLUE BARNACLES! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Okay... okay...

Phewwww... okay, he dodged.

Jesus. Your family must be praying for your safety, Frost.

Matthis.jpg

I'm tired of you! PERISH!

Meh. Resistance is okay, I suppose.

Ack! Flashbang! I left this one uncropped because it would be invisible otherwise.

There we go. It was just Frost rescuing Robert back to safety.

Matthis.jpg again.

And there we go. Athena kills this fool. That's one less Warrior to worry about. But now, I'm worried about Roshea! Athena can take both Warriors' axes, but she does take more damage than Matthis. Because of this, the Warriors would move away from the village, and then the Thief will make short work of it.

More rescuing. I know, I know, all of you perfectionists must be tearing your hair out. But c'mon, what did you expect from the guy with 21 total deaths?

Wait what? This wasn't supposed to happen yet! Vyland only appears if Roshea is recruited, or the Thieves are killed! Right...?

God damnit. Yet another setback.

Yeah, that's going to end well, for sure.

Vyland and company don't waste any time. We better hurry!

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! I need to kill everyone down there, post-haste!

There. And now...

Even more warp wasting. Don't you worry your pretty little heads. I'll deploy Malicia in 20x or something if I have to.

Good, good. The village is safe for the time being, but I really need to haul ass. I need Roshea and Vyland alive. Wolf and Sedgar are expendable, but if I lose Vyland as well, I won't be able to meet the requirement for 20x.

Matthis kills this Thief with great haste while Elrean gives back the rescue staff he borrowed from Frost to bail Athena out of the Warriors' reach.

And during the enemy phase, the Thief foolishly attacks Robert. The coast is clear.

Move!

At last!

How nice of you. Shame you can't do anything, unlike Frost who can at least use staves.

Hint hint.

Mooooooore rescue charges! Calm down, calm doooown, I still have 6 charges left.

I suppose I should talk about Roshea. Roshea's garbage. Remember when I said Frost was unsalvageable? Well, at least he can do some staffbotting. He's awful at it, and Katarina completely outclasses him, but he at least can do it. Roshea can't do shit, because he's a Paladin with even worse stats than Abel, 7 more levels coming a few chapters later. He dies if anything does so much as to look in his general direction. He may be the only one with the ability to be objective in the Wolfguard, but that doesn't save him from being the worst of them all.

Vyland and company are here. I can't send Roshea in just yet, he'll get slaughtered. We must make sure Vyland survives one more turn.

Please, don't die Vyland.

What? No! That's the last thing I need!

Bleh. Not very good. But you're my only physical unit with resistance that rivals that of my mages, so I'm happy.

Okay, good. Vyland survived. It is time for him to join us.

No, I don't... I don't think he meant to do that. Even though he will, rest assured.

How ironic. "Open your eyes! You're being deceived! Come back to the Wolfguard and be deceived with us!".

See, this is what I meant when I said Roshea handled this whole situation pretty well. He joined us to see if we really were bad guys like Hardin tries to make everybody believe. C'mon, Vyland, it makes sense and you know it.

Join us already.

And now we got Vyland, who's... marginally less bad than Roshea, but still god awful. He has better defense, which allows him to at least survive one round of combat with some of the weaker enemies, but other than that, he's also pretty bad. Recruiting these guys is interesting, but using them? Rather impossible.

Look at that shit. Roshea would've been one-rounded!

Here we go. Things happened between these pictures, but I put them together for convenience.

Mostly because healing is all that happened. Also, Dice got skill and luck. All he needs.

These assholes keep on coming, though. I better hurry up and recruit Sedgar.

Come!

Oh, but before that...

Astounding! You're in a desperate need of HP, so this is pretty good.

Jesus. Nothing very interesting happened this turn, aside from a couple horsemen attacking Matthis, but... wow. Look at all that shit.

How will I handle this mess? Will I be able to recruit Sedgar? Will Wolf see through Hardin's lies? And most importantly, will I lose anybody today? Place your bets, and come back tomorrow to find out! Those who guess correctly will get an imaginary cookie or something.

Reset count: 9 (Pretzel: 7 - Marth: 2)

Death count: Linde
                       Samto
                       Navarre
                       Arran
                       Norne
                       Roger
                       Cain
                       Wrys*
                       Frey
                       Cecille
                       Abel
                       Etzel

*Retreated.

[I'm in over my head - A bad player's first Ironman Fire Emblem 12 run (and first let's play)!]

...

...

...

...

...very well. Thank you for accompanying me in this minute of silence for all the dead. May their souls rest in peace.

I'm sorry, Cecille...

Linde was too cute to die...

 ...

Part 31 - The way of the Sniper.

Whoa, it looks like Etzel's death made you guys feel a lot more talkative than usual. This is the update with the most replies of the entire LP. Maybe I'll have to ensure this happens more often...

Ruben...

I was joking. What, do you really think I wanted to lose one of my favourite units?

22 hours ago, deskita said:

Is it bad that when I saw Etzel die my first thought was, "please let that be Pretzel"

If only... if only.

21 hours ago, Goddess Serra said:

Use Frost! He's my favorite Bishop and old man in Archanea and he makes for a decent Sage stat-wise. Having lost Etzel and with mixed class sets unlocked, he shouldn't be half bad. Also, he's better than

salty and tasty-bread MU you've got (yes, that is Pretzel's new official nickname and yes, that is a valid argument)

I agree, but our team's pretty full as it is, and... quite honestly, Frost has worse bases and growths than Pretzel. I love him as well, but I don't think I could make him work.

That said, I have a little idea that might be a decent alternative. You'll see.

Also, that nickname sucks. "Tasty" is a positive quality, and this is Pretzel we're talking about. There's nothing good about Pretzel.

19 hours ago, Franp3 said:

Don't worry, I'll be here to cover all the puns you miss. Besides, being mad at pretzel is still good fun.

Thanks, man.

Good, good... let the puns flow through you...

It's over, Franp3! I have the high pun! Jesus that one was horrible.

Dammit Etzel, stop spoiling the LP!

Not spoiling. Foreshadowing. I should've seen it coming and benched him for the chapter.

You mean the Granary?

that was terrible. I apoligise.

Jesus Christ, poor Sheema. The dishonor is too much.

1_ Badly.

2_ Because the you've angered RNGesus.

3_ On 29th August, 2017

4_ Inside the Granary.

5_ Athena

Thank me later.

I've... nothing to say, here. Thanks for having eyes to read what I wrote, I guess?

My votes for the Aum staff, because I'm probably going to forget about it.

19 hours ago, Franp3 said:

      Etzel YES

Perfect.

 

5 hours ago, KnightOfNohr said:

I think Etzel should get the Aum staff.  Not only will he be able to live the rest of his days in peace after seeing his wife, but an extra staffbot it is more useful than an underleveled frontliner at this point.

That's what I was thinking, too. Not to mention, Etzel's stats and level are quite high. Even after missing these chapters, he'll be quite useful. Overall, he just seems like the best choice right now.

I just have to make sure Yumina stays alive, and Etzel will be back with us in no time. And with the 2 Nosferatu tomes we've gotten recently, it should be an easy task.

5 hours ago, Dayni said:

Dammit Pretzel, if you weren't so bad Etzel could have had someone to soak some of those hits for him! (Can we retroactively blame Pretzel for all the deaths? It might help a bit. Especially with him actually stealing Marth's plans now).

Yeah, I think we can. Fucking Pretzel. He sucks so much, his suckery transfers to other units, killing them in the process.

Will Tomas actually be used and will he stay a sniper?

Only time will tell.

Also yes, Etzel is the best choice for Aum out of that lot now.

I'm glad you guys agree with me.

 

4 hours ago, Goddess Serra said:

I think we have a problem, guys. Unless Etzel is a crossdresser princess, he cannot use it. (Aum is locked to princesses, right? Right?)

You silly goose. Then again, you ARE Serra, after all. Just joking, I love you for replying.

Spoiler

Last time, Etzel reunited with his wife. But we cannot give in to despair! We must prevail, and bring him back, for he did not deserve such a fate.

Well, none of them did (except for Navarre, perhaps. Psychotic maniac. And honestly, Arran and Abel are better off dead), but Etzel less so.

They really don't waste any time at all, do they? Jesus, at least let the narrator (Jagen) mention the Wolfguard before shoving them into the bottom screen.

Also, eyes! Sort of! That isn't something you see every day in this game's CGs.

You know, something that's always really bugged me about this chapter is that there's no boss. This game, overall, feels pretty lacking when it comes to throwaway bosses.  There are way too many chapters without a cartoonishly evil guy at the end to whack for a full level-up. They just throw in random Generics to guard the gate for no reason at all.

Well, this surely cannot end badly. No chance.

Prattling porpoises, who could've forseen this?

Ah, the Wolfguard. Roshea used to be the worst of this lot. Now he's the best, if nothing else, because he's the only one with enough of a brain to see through the nostalgia goggles and realise his old friend Hardin is long since gone.

I like these guys. Their involvement in this game's story is quite interesting.

We proceed to our two worthless protagonists discussing about the things everyone else is going to be doing.

Although, in Marth's case, that's mostly because I've refused to give him levels.

Oh, no. Not this again.

Gah! It's the worst option! Marth!

Jesus, that's horrible. I'm so sorry, Marth. I was not up to the task...

Let's lighten up the mood with a training montage! You know the drill.

Jesus, Tomas, you're so expensive to train.

That's better. Gettin' rid of the junk...

And that should be enough for now.

Castor becomes a Warrior. The extra strength and HP should help him now that Tomas has him beat in the durability department.

Tomas takes the starsphere. Robert doesn't need it anymore. Pretzel grabs a new sleet tome, as well. He'll be coming along today, I want those damned conversations. And, as much as I hate to admit it, he's better than Frost.

Speaking of whom... I really like Frost's character. He's a horrible unit. The worst magic user in the game, sporting below average growth rates and worse bases than Wendell who came eons ago. And his ranks? Pure fail. D tomes, C staves, and that's only if you leave him in the Bishop class. And his durability is just pitiful, with 26 Hp, 4 defense and a 5% defense growth. Overall, he's way worse than Katarina who came a couple chapters ago, and is one of the few units who I honestly don't think can be salvaged, unless you feed him a bunch of statboosters and RNG abuse the hell out of his growths.

But you know what? That fits his character. In his conversations, the man outright admits he never had any talent for magic, but took it up to protect his family. Everything Frost does, he does it for the sake of his loved ones. Of course, you'll notice that if that was the case, Frost wouldn't have any reason to be here. After all, he can't fight well, and he's got a family to take care of. And yet, he rushes after us just so he can thank us for helping him out indirectly, and contribute to saving many more families like his, even if only slightly so. And, in my humble opinion, that's admirable. He's a really likeable character who simply doesn't work as a combatant.

Okay, with that out of the way, let's keep on preparing for the battle of the pass. Dice becomes a Berserker and reads some secrets. A few axe swings and he'll be taking the Hauteclere.

More statboosting. In retrospect, maybe I shouldn't have given Elrean that goddess icon, but whatever. It's not as if luck's that important. Tomas grabs an angelic robe, as his HP is rather low.

I did all of that right after recording the last update. Therefore, I could get some free things last night when I played the actual chapter. Look, it's Yubello! How ironic that he would show up now.

Other than that, well, we didn't get anything too interesting. Rody's lance is fine, but not really needed at this stage of the game. It would've been really ironic if Rody found his own lance, but alas...

And with that, we move out. Roshea, being an old member of the Wolfguard and a trusted friend of its higher-ups, decides to confess his doubts to the others.

They respond by being fucking blind jerks.

With your stats? Don't make me laugh.

Well, yeah, back when his skin wasn't PURPLE!

Can you all please stop jumping to conclusions like tinfoil asshats? He only said he had doubts about your plan of action! Which is a damn failure, I might add! You are the ones at a disadvantage here!

Well, I mean, that does happen, but since Marth is a weak, idealistic child, it's all right.

You know, Roshea's situation is interesting. He's got no way to know for sure that Marth hasn't changed as well. All he really knows is that Hardin is certainly very different from the man he admired so much. I think he handled this problem quite reasonably, as we'll see next chapter.

Meanwhile, Wolf is in denial.

Roshea, my friend, if I were you, I'd get the hell out of there. He seems ready to put an arrow through your skull.

And off he goes. It's not as if the king will allow you to fight for longer than a turn or two, so don't worry, Roshea.

No, not really.

Marth, you look tired. I would send someone else if I could, but the game will only let you visit villages.

That's this chapter's gimmick. Marth has to visit the village. If he does, the chapter will be easy. If he doesn't, it'll be easy as well. This would work better if the Wolfguard was actually a threat.

Then again, I don't want to be forced to LTC Hardin, so let's make sure to visit that village. There are a couple of Archanean Paladins close by, but they shouldn't be too much of an issue. This one even misses Leiden!

Let's se-- Matthis doubles these guys? Good God.

Please, equip this. I don't want Wolf and Sedgar to kill themselves.

Here's how things currently stand. The Wolfguard may be incredibly brittle, but anybody can pack a punch with a silver weapon, and I'd rather not lose anyone in this map.

Pffffffttt. I think the sight of your hairdo hurt him more than that arrow.

Good! That's one Paladin alive. Now, I just need another one...

No, you fools! Let the one with 17 speed lead the charge!

Okay, that's better.

Marth is also attacked. He doesn't crit, but that's perfectly fine. This guy's doomed either way.

Cut it out!

Sedgar. I wasn't expecting you to attack. I thought healers always move last.

Then again, I also thought only Thieves could raid villages, and I also thought Abel would attack Est. Unnh.

You know what would've been funny? If Wolf or Sedgar raided the village, murdering their king. Now I wish I had tried to make that happen.

Now that we can move again, it's time for this Paladin to join his friend in death.

Don't you worry, Feena's nearby. Also, kill for Marth! When was the last time he killed anybody? Whatever the case, Marth doesn't even level up from this. And he won't, not today at least.

Like so. I won't do it just yet, though.

First, Pretzel makes himself useful. Ever so slightly.

Hey, one Paladin more or less, I'm sure they won't notice.

Very well. Time for diplomacy.

What, exactly, has happened to make you believe you were wrong to side with Hardin, king Aurelis?

"Like those Paladins the redheaded buffoon skewered just five minutes ago. I'm truly sorry."

This is the writers' way of giving Aurelis to Marth and writing this unnamed guy out.

Awesome! The fourth orb! only the Darksphere remains.

I don't think he knows exactly what happened to Hardin, but he probably has an idea.

And that's the only time we ever hear of king Aurelis in this game. I liked his sprite better in Shadow Dragon.

Woohoo! 20 HP per turn. This orb is really good.

Castor is healed by Yumina for the staff exp, mainly, and...

Soon enough, only Wolf is left.

Very well, time for some more Matthis bait. Catch, enemies!

Bolganone: the ballista.

Matthis, no! You don't need that experience!

Oh God, he one-rounds them all. My sweet experience!

Good! He survived. And nobody else is in range of Matthis.

Matthis avenges his 2 lost HP by wearing-- no! Don't do that!

...do that. 29 defense. Hohohoho... please cap speed. If you cap speed, I'll be an even happier man.

There's a ridersbane-toting dastard between the enemies. Better thread carefully.

As in, place Elrean here so Matthis doesn't hog all the experience.

Ah, excellent. Good job, Elrean. No joke, that kill is perfect for Tomas or something.

Matthis doesn't kill anybody this turn, which is good.

Aaaaaand curse you, Bishop.

Experience for Tomas. If I manage the experience well, he'll be a capable frontliner by the next chapter. Right now, he's a tiny bit worse than the others. Those awful bases really hurt him.

A dance and some wearing down later...

...and down go the Generals. Only the generic General at the gate remains.

Merely okay, how do you manage to get this with your growths?

Look, Pretzel got a level-up. It's good. But at this point, he's unsalvageable.

This guy will kill himself if he tries to attack anyone. Let's see if I can trick him into going after an unarmed Matthis...

Of course. I should've known, Matthis is way too tanky.

Look at that shit. Pretzel can't double a General.

Pretzel can't double a General.

It shouldn't come as a surprise by now, but Pretzel's the worst unit ever.

Here, have a kill, Dice.

Excellent. But where's the skill? I need you to get skill.

And so, the next phase of Tomas' training begins. He'll be taking down the Ballisticians and Bishops.

Ack! But before that, gotta move Dice out of ballista-covered territory. And patch him up, to get some sweet staff exp.

Training montage!

That's more like it.

Picture this happening a few times. I decided to cheese this worthless guy for as much experience as possible.

Awesome! Fortify is now usable by Yumina.

Feena got this level dancing for Tomas, as well. Defense!

And I think it's about time--

...really, Tomas?

Have some experience, Elrean. You haven't done much today. Not that there's too much to do in this chapter.

This isn't a kill. I had a different idea.

16 defense. Hahah. This guy is good.

And Yumina does the foul deed.

Amazing. This girl's going to kill Gharnef, no questions asked.

Hurrah.

...

...

I...

Marth? Are you okay? I think all the death and destruction is getting to your head.

A random suggestion Marth himself thought up in the original story.

This chapter is the worst offender of Pretzel's Mary Sue problem. It really is. In the finale, at least, we see everybody else talking and being happy, and Pretzel praise is just a tiny part of it all. But this? Urgh.

Poor fools. Did they not know Hardin posseses the Darksphere and the Gradivus?

Predictably.

This line is a bit weird. You know what happened to him and why he's doing this.

Yeah! Tomorrow, we confront the Wolfguard one last time, and conquer Archanea.

Reset count: 9 (Pretzel: 7 - Marth: 2)

Death count: Linde
                       Samto
                       Navarre
                       Arran
                       Norne
                       Roger
                       Cain
                       Wrys*
                       Frey
                       Cecille
                       Abel
                       Etzel

*Retreated.

 

[I'm in over my head - A bad player's first Ironman Fire Emblem 12 run (and first let's play)!]

Good evening, everybody. What do you think of my new hairstyle? It's astonishingly easy to take care of.

That probably is true, you look like you haven't combed your hair in years.

Do you think you could have a haircut like mine?

Perhaps, but not today, I'm afraid.

But... he just...

It's Wrys. Don't question him.

I guess...

Part 30 - Daughter of half of the bosses of Fire Emblem 1.

So. Serenesforest decided that ctr + z means that I want to delete half the update instead of just the last line of text. Soooooooo yeah. I've been all day trying to push this update, so try to enjoy it. If only a little bit.

On 28/8/2017 at 2:54 AM, Franp3 said:

I'm not very fond of Sain or Gartrie-type characters, but even that would be an improvement over MU's Blank-State Personality™.

Yeah, as I think I've already said before, the only one I actually really like is Saul. His support with Dorothy is just pure gold, I swear. It also helps that, instead of just being a bland lovable dumbass like the rest, he comes out as a manipulative piece of crap quite often. And every time, it backfires.

Also, I just checked out Athena's Heroes artwork and good lord it's terrible.

I'm glad you agree with me.

Yumina's Sorry, but my inner nerd won't let me say the obviously wrong answer. Leiden's is the good one.

You're actually wrong. From a certain point of view.

Ah, the good old days, back when Roderick was alive and Wrys was still bald.

Wrys was never bald, he was just hiding his metamorphical hair powers.

The New mystery. A common mistake.

I don't know what's sadder, the pun or the fact that I didn't notice the easily punnable sentence. I was too busy being mad at Pretzel, as usual.

Spoiler

Gra! The country that isn't depicted in the world map in chapter 1's narration, whose king's mugshot was the source for pretty much every promoted boss portrait in the original Fire Emblem, and whose name's, quite bluntly, ugly as hell. It's so bad, we only see this country once in this game. Today, in fact!

Pictured, Jiol and his... daughter? Yeah, this was one of the greatest plot twists in FE3: Jiol, the guy with no wives or descendance anywhere to be seen in book 1, apparently had a daughter.

And this daughter is pretty much the only reason females can use the General class, much like Michalis is the reason males can be Dracoknights.

This was probably before Hardin turned into a zombie, back when he was AGRESSIVELY restoring Archanea.

Awwww, how nice.

That's not nice. Damn you, Grans!

...Graeans? Grains?

Yeah, Grains. Damn you, Grains! You can't be cereal!

...

...

...

Moving on...

So, to sum it up: the Grains realised they weren't the protagonists, and that instead of level 1 scrub axemen, we'd be unleashing level 5 promoted powerhouses on them.

He also had like 10 twin brothers.

No kidding, those guys are pathetic. It's a good thing they're nothing more than walking event flags. I'd feel bad if we actually had to kill them.

Heck yeah, it's another Jagen Judgement. Unleash the criticism!

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! These burns! They do not heal! Not in a billion years.

"The enemies may be new recruits, but don't underestimate them".

Don't underestimate them.

Today we got fucking shit down to a "t". Pretzel, give it up. No matter how hard you train, you'll never get enough defense for Jagen not to disrespect you. Hell, you won't even have the chance to do it. You're benched! Do you understand what that entails?

Oh, hey Yumina. Where's your bush? I can't see it anywhere.

Okay, I'll pay attention this time.

Holy crap, it looks like it pains her in the heart. Sit down, I can't let you have a stroke. You're one of my best units.

Of course. Pay no mind to the fact that Marth was the first to try to save you, and Jagen had to stop him. The Avatar is the most marvelousamazing person! YOU, the player, are awesome! Gaze in awe as your self-inserted cock is sucked by a Tsundere loli!!!

"Do not make topics about inappropriate content such as nude images, pornography, gore, etc. This will most definitely result in a ban. Also, please try to keep discussions PG-13."

Ahem. I apologise.

Lang would've kicked your ass. Considering this, I wish Jagen hadn't stopped you.

Yeah, let's not even mention Ogma, the guy who actually rescued you. Or Arran, who helped him get you out of the vikings' beach. Or Sirius, who canonically helped Ogma get you out of the vikings' beach. Nah, the Avatar deserves all the damned praise.

Heartwarming. But what of your brother? Did Pretzel's words help him, as well?

No, she was just mesmerized by your amazing training. God damnit, Pretzel, that's a freakin' stupid question.

I'm starting to get worried, is there a rule for swearing? 'Cause I feel like if there is such a rule, I broke it a long time ago.

"Cursing is allowed, sparingly. However, please take care not to curse in topic titles, do it excessively or otherwise abuse the privilege."

Oh.

Well, I mean... Haddock's curses technically aren't real curses, right, blistering barnacles?

Ahem, whatever the case, let's keep on going, and hopefully, I won't get banned today.

Ah, good ol' Tsunderes. Gotta love Japan.

No, not really. You're way too inferior to her.

Nobody wants to talk to you, Pretzel. It's just that they're forced to either talk to you, or fall into no-line hell.

Hurray. They're friends now. They'll never speak again, mind you, but I'm sure they'll be having some good times offscreen.

And no, that wasn't a dirty joke. What, does everything have to imply sex? If that's so, Matthis has been having a ton of fun during the LP.

Okay, okay, I'm sorry. Don't ban meeee!

Etzel! The best character! This is sure to make me feel better.

Well, yeah, that's the only thing your son's good for.

Whoa, whoa. Hold your horses, Etzel. That's really depressing!

You have a point, but that's not something you say out loud like that!

I've nothing witty to say here. It's a serious moment.

Etzel! Don't say that! We need you! More than we need anyone! Except perhaps Matthis, but even Matthis can't heal like you.

Yeah, Etzel doesn't seem like it at first glance, but he's hiding a very serious depression. I find quite interesting the way they display it, actually. Usually they're much more straightforward with this kind of depressed characters.

Robert! You and your magnificent jacket can't be as sad as poor Etzel. Please, lighten up the mood!

Robert's personality, like Beck's, begins and ends with "my default class is Horseman". Except, unlike Beck, Robert has another conversation to further expand his character. Which is quite ironic, considering Beck is remembered for being one of the unique Ballisticians from Shadow Dragon while Robert's just... kinda there.

How is that bizarre? I thought nobles loved to ride horses and act all high and mighty from atop their saddles. And few things are higher and mightier than your magnificent jacket.

Now, this, on the other hand...

Hah. Good answer.

Pretzel, call me mad, but I think he's suuuubtly telling you to leave him alone. Let us comply.

Inventory management. I left these uncropped so you can see who's who easily. And it also saves me the trouble of having to crop 5 more screencaps.

I give Matthis a killer lance just so his inventory is filled up. Not that he needs it with his 26 strength and A rank in lances.

And we move out! Here are Sheema and... Samson? Yeah, since canonically Marth recruited Arran in Shadow Dragon, Samson was instead hired by Sheema.

A good captain's honour. Sheema, unlike her father, is a very likeable person.

Wow, that happened? Was this ever mentioned in Shadow Dragon? Jesus. That guy was worse than Lang!

If it makes you feel any better, I don't think he intended to use you back then. He's as much of a victim as you are.

This is why Sheema deserves respect. Astram let you kill his company, Jeorge was fine with the deaths of his fellow Snipers, the Khadenians didn't care about the wholesale slaughter of the Mage corps, but Sheema? You lay a hand on one of those hopeless buffoons, and she'll never forgive you. Not that she can do much against you, but it's the thought that counts.

You know, this could've benefitted from Thracia's capture system. There would be way more Gra soldiers, and you'd have to capture them while making sure not to leave your own units too vulnerable for the Archanean promotees to do some actual damage.

Dying is fun? Oh well, if you say so...

I think his reason is pretty obvious.

Heh heh, yeah, suuure. That's the stare of a man who most certainly doesn't "quite get it, either".

Oh but that one's even better. Pffhahahah. She's looking right into his--

Oh, don't you worry your pretty little heads, we'll just kill Hardin's troops.

But first things first, this village. It is of utmost importance that we visit it, post-haste.

It contains an incredibly important character.

I'm not even kidding, I love this guy. Look at that magnificent hairdo! It looks like he combed it twice and called it a day.

But Marth knows you, Tomas! You were in his army last war!

Good choice. With your stats, you would've died just as fast as them had you tried to fight us.

Hahahahahahahah. Amazing. Marth doesn't find this guy as interesting as I do.

Tomas! I love Tomas, if you didn't know. He's the most forgettable character in all of Archanea, being a clone of Gordin appearance-wise. Then FE12 came around and they had to discuss what to do with him.

"hmm, so, we need to give everyone a personality. What shall we do with Tomas?"

"Maybe kill him off?"

"Nah, that won't work, nobody will care at all."

"Hmm... does he have a horse?"

"Nope, he's an Archer."

"Mmmmmmmm. I don't know..."

"Oh! Let's make him a parody of Robin Hood!"

"Perfect! Write a few conversations and let's move on to Sheema."

As a unit, Tomas is bad, but more like Dolph-bad. Much like the latter, Tomas can be of some use in his joining chapter, either killing or leaving this chapter's Dracoknights at one measly HP with a silver bow, and since he joins with one, why not? He also has some pretty damn amazing growths, with basically no weaknesses. I like how they designed Sheema to be the Est-like prepromote while Tomas actually does that better than her. His bases are terrible, though. 13 speed? 12 Strength? 29 HP with 12 defense and 3 resistance? I think everybody but the Grains one-rounds him!

Bottom line, Tomas will turn into an amazing unit if you train him, but... is he really worth the trouble?

In my opinion, very much so. His conversations are great fun.

Okay, finally, we begin the chapter for real. Matthis skewers this Warrior.

Leiden uses Feena's special dance to rush to the eastern part of the map. He'll go after the Nosferatu Thief.

I've sent him after the warp Thief, the Geosphere Thief, the Nosferatu Thief... by the end of the war, he'll be a certified bounty hunter.

Back in the outskirts of Gra capital city, Yumina kills Matthis' Warrior and gains speed and not much else. You're still amazing. And my best candidate to face off against Gharnef, when the time comes. I just hope I won't lose you and the others. It would be really pathetic to find myself unable to kill Gharnef because I lost all my Mages.

Yumina, Yumina I have to keep alive. If I'm not mistaken, she can use the Aum. If everything else fails, I could revive someone.

Robert tries to kill the Sniper, but fails to crit, so Etzel gives him a hand.

And enemy phase! Leiden is attacked by the Warrior, and retaliates critically.

Excellent. Leiden's turning into quite the Paladin. Who would've thought, considering his beginning.

The Sniper goes after him as well. Once again, he retaliates with a critical hit.

All right, player phase. These Dracoknights have flown closer to our position. Look at that. Etzel one-shots these guys and takes minimal damage in return, if he does take it at all! He'll take care of them.

Robert goes back to the main group and kills this Warrior.

Meanwhile, Elrean and Dice go south to kill this Sniper. We're inside! Tremble in fear, Sheema, for we're coming for you.

Wait, what am I saying, I intend to recruit her.

Leiden's great, but silver bows will do heavy damage to anyone not named Matthis. But Yumina helps him with that.

And now he can safely claim the Nosferatu tome. It's ours now!

And with that, we prepare for the enemy phase. Robert makes way for Matthis. Now, the Dracoknight squad will have to choose between dying trying to kill Etzel, and bouncing against Matthis' impervious armor. Athena flies south to aggro the Warrior. I think Elrean could've done it too, but Athena's close to getting a level.

Like so.

Excellent. Keep this up.

...how did this happen?!

The Dracoknights had silver lances. And the Sniper was in range of Etzel. I failed to notice both of these facts. Which resulted in Etzel's death.

We were doing so well...

Not you, Etzel. Not you! We need you! I need you! There's so much to live for! Stay away from the light! Stay away from your wife!

Don't goooooo!

 

Well. I was going to let you guys vote for who should be getting the Aum, but... no longer. You assholes would vote for Abel or something like that. I refuse to let Etzel die like this.

Oh that bastard's going to pay.

Suffer! Damn you, why won't you die...

Have some healing, Athena. I'm not letting anybody else die. Not today.

That means Marth should get healed, as well. It would be heartbreaking to have to reset, just to send Etzel to his death again, intentionally this time.

You!

You're both colleagues of that accursed maniac. I won't let any of you live! Unleash the Spear of Suicide!

This happens, too.

Good. That eases my pain, slightly.

Perish! Only two Dracoknights are left, and nobody is in range of them both.

Feena's so good, she can take a silver lance to the face, and survive. No more, though, we better take care of these guys as soon as humanly possible.

Since she's the only one nearby, Athena protects the second village. We wouldn't want to lose the reward. And the offscreen people, I suppose.

Dice saves Feena.

And Elrean heals her so she can take another silver lance to the gut.

Elrean, this is not what I need you to get. Etzel is dead! Dead! You hear me? I need you to be good! You haven't gotten a single good level-up since you were promoted!

This is... this is going to be one of those days, is it not? Unnnnnnhhh.

Get healed, Marth. It would be such a pity to reset now.

If this was a video LP, you'd hear the utter lack of sentiment in that sentence. But since this is a screenshot LP, I better point it out. In case it wasn't obvious.

Leiden, too. I do not want to lose Leiden of all people.

More Dracoknights arrive. These ones are really poor at strategizing, too. Look at them! They just stopped two steps away from our main group, ready to be slaughtered. Hence, I choose to disrespect them by feeding them to Tomas of all people. Tomas, If your first level is good, you're in. Otherwise, you're out.

Not... not bad. You need a lot more, but... not bad at all. I'll give you some more experience when possible.

That'll be a level-up for Robert. Get your trademark level, my friend.

He keeps on refusing to get defense. I'll feed him Wolf's dragonshield perhaps. But other than that? He's awesome. Keep it up, Robert.

Dice is then attacked by this Sniper and that Warrior. He survives, barely. His defense isn't amazing, but it's okay.

These two are, by the way, the last promoted enemies outside the keep. For this reason, we take our time, wear the Warrior down with Leiden, so...

...Tomas can just barely finish him off. One of these days, my friend. One of these days you'll be awesome. Not today, but most likely tomorrow.

Feena dances for him, and...

...Robert finishes off the Sniper because Tomas can't, and gets one-rounded. Jesus, what were you thinking IntSys? I'm not asking for a Perceval, but at least give him enough speed not to get doubled by everybody.

Tomas will be in charge of opening the door to the Grain keep.

Like so. Matthis, as usual, leads the assault.

Argh! No! Feena!

Good work, Matthis. Amazing. Except for the fact that you do not double this guy, so instead of wearing him down for Tomas, you've done nothing at all.

Other than that... the wounded Warrior has a hammer, which is why Matthis took some significant damage. But he won't live for long.

Fee-- ah, excellent. I forgot Feena's great.

She can't do jack in return, though. Somebody else better help her out.

Somebody like Tomas.

Elrean and Dice once more tag team to defeat the second Dracoknight.

Dice gets this amazing level-up as a result of his efforts. Excellent. This and a secret book, and maybe you'll be ready to go Berserker.

And after a quick dance, Tomas kills another Dracoknight.

Good. Keep this up, and one of these days...

Yumina equips her Nosferatu tome, just in case, and heals Matthis. We wouldn't want him to fall to a puny Warrior with a hammer.

Matthis misses the hammer Warrior. Jeez, Matt, what's gotten into you?

Yumina finishes him off. Show Matthis up, Yumina!

Excellent. 9 defense? With a 15% defense growth? This girl doesn't cease to amaze me. And thanks to the angelic robe I gave her all that time ago, she's almost as durable as Elrean.

She also has B staves, so now that Etzel's gone, Yumina will be the fortifier.

Good, thanks for not missing this. Another kill for Tomas is inbound!

Just like so.

He doesn't do it just yet, though. With Yumina in that spot, I can't make Feena dance for him. And, as you can see, we simply can't let him linger around that corridor for too long.

We wait just one turn, and since the AI is stupid and easily exploitable, the Sniper acts like a wall preventing the Warrios from going after Matthis. Or maybe he just wanted to join the team. Well, I'm sorry, but you don't have a face. Perish!

Feena gets a terrible level-up. Come, now. I know you've capped speed, but you could at least try to get some more defense.

Matthis moves in and strikes the Sniper. He'll be Tomas' next kill. What's up with the terrible level-ups, though? As far as I know, promoting doesn't cancel out the Growth Drop. Matthis hasn't gotten a single good level-up since he promoted. Not that he needs anything else. He's set for life as it is. But good levels are easy on the eyes.

Enemy phase. Matthis does about as well as I expected him to.

Leiden's close to leveling up. Let's help him get the remaining experience, shall we?

Excellent work, Leiden.

Time to distract Samson while Marth speaks with Sheema. Matthis will be taking care of that.

But before that, another level for Tomas. Level up well, my man.

How? How do you get this kind of level-up with your growths? Sheesh.

How!?!? Why?!?!? When!?!?! Where!?!??! Who!?!!??!

Sigh whatever the case, we're done. Bring it on, Samson.

Gud job Samson. 10/10.

Speaking of gud jobs 10/10, because I am a good tactician, Samson's now in the middle of the corridor, preventing Marth from reaching Sheema. Joy.

All right, that's better. Marth's hurt, but it doesn't matter.

And with that...

Marth engages in conversation with the princess of Gra.

Marth, being the weak, idealistic child he is, decides to be diplomatic with Sheema.

Yeah, everyone behaved. It helped that your soldiers didn't even try to attack us.

Marth's like "naaaaaaaaaaah".

And now she's on our side. I really like Sheema storywise. In her supports, you realise that she's just a normal woman forced to become a leader. While she obviously loves her people, it's clear that the circumstances surpass her.

As a unit, Sheema's horrible. Like, really, really bad. Not Est bad, at least she brings a couple silver weapons over. But she's a bit like the Abel to Tomas' Dolph, but unlike Abel, Sheema is even worse than Tomas. Her growths are more or less the same, her bases are even lower (and Tomas already dies to everything) and she loses on a chapter's worth of experience compared to the green haired Sniper, since she's recruited so late into the chapter (and this late into the game, this really matters). I once tried to use her, but her bases are so, so low, she just can't do anything, even if you give her a thousand level-ups.

Okay, let's-- Samson! What the hell? That was uncalled for!

Yeah, this is very high in the list of "DS FE recruitable enemy ridiculous agressions". And, as Abel fatally proved, they're capable of making a unit refrain from attacking someone.

Get into my team. At least that doesn't cancel out the recruitment.

Understandable. So long, Sammy!

I think her reasons are pretty obvious. What do you think, Samson?

Samson. His bases are way better than either Sheema's or Tomas', but her growths... 30% speed. Enough said. His bases aren't high enough to make much of a difference, and his growths are so bad, she will never become something good like Tomas, or at least decent like Sheema. Not good at all, I'm afraid, which is unfortunate, because he's not a bad character.

I've been all day writing this up, so forgive me if I sound a little tired. Five hours of constant writing and the prospect of having to go to the driving school inmediately afterwards... it's not very pleasant.

I skipped the walking. Tomas, Marth and Elrean headed for the treasury.

There we go. Good job, Elrean. But that 16 crit is unsettling.

Elrean finishes this guy off, and...

Tomas!

Yumina heals Elrean twice. No A rank just yet, I think, but if nothing else, I can always just reclass her to Bishop.

Meh. It's okay, I guess.

C'mon, Elrean. Don't fail me now.

Good! Great! This is the sort of thing I expect from you. Keep this up.

Excellent, some reading material for Dice.

And Marth heads for the village. Sigh more reading.

Yeah, yeah, we've already seen this in Sheema's recruitment.

This, on the other hand... what's up with the random heart? I mean, I know what's up with it, it's a callback to the FE3 translation if I'm not mistaken. But... it's still weird.

I'm not going to ask any questions.

As he goes back to the throne, Marth stops by the shops and buys stuff. A couple mend staves, a few elfires and... that's pretty much it. I don't need weapons, we've more than enough of those.

And a few dances later...

We're finally done. Jagen, please, the more fighting, the more experience we get, making it easier to kill Hardin.

Well, it'll be spilt for experience for our units. That's quite the righteous goal, right? Right?

Ah, this moment. This moment is infamous. In the original, it was Marth that came up with this plan. Here...

Yeah, I don't usually agree that Pretzel takes the spotlight away from Marth, he's got other problems, but that's not one of them in my opinion. Here, though? Here it is true. This guy's a bumbling fool who doesn't know jack about the world outside of Prinss Mahzz and training, yet he can think of this.

You were fine with Gotoh's crap but now you're getting cold feet? Please.

Oh hey they actually mentioned it. How positively rare. Let's enjoy the intelligence while we can.

Go!

Tomorrow--

Oh shit an enemy boss! Kill him!

Oh, never mind. He doesn't seem to be an enemy.

Sorry, he doesn't talk like an enemy, because that face belongs on an enemy, that's for sure.

That was so long ago... but sure, you're welcome.

Hah. Just you wait...

Yeah. Let's take a look at the map for a moment, shall we?

So, Gra's that island next to Altea. Macedon is to the south of Dolhr. We only had to cross a tiny patch of water to get to Gra.

Frost had to cross an entire inland, the sea, and go all the way to the Grain capital in the time lapse between chapters 16 and 17. Which are like, a day each? Let's say chapter 16x takes another day as well.

That means, Frost walked two countries and crossed a sea in 3 days. All while supposedly being an "old geezer" who can't keep up with an army marching at speed.

This, and his appearance, are why I love this guy. Seriously, look at him. It's like having a playable throwaway boss.

Eh. I'm not sure. We'll see.

Tomorrow, we cross Adria Pass on our way to Hardin. Most certainly, nothing unexpected will happen.

Reset count: 9 (Pretzel: 7 - Marth: 2)

Death count: Linde
                       Samto
                       Navarre
                       Arran
                       Norne
                       Roger
                       Cain
                       Wrys*
                       Frey
                       Cecille
                       Abel
                       Etzel

*Retreated.

 

[I'm in over my head - A bad player's first Ironman Fire Emblem 12 run (and first let's play)!]

Today, we face Katarina once more.

Yeah... call me mad, but... it'll be great to see her again.

I do not believe she was lying back then. She seemed so sincere.

Sigh. If only Cecille was still with us...

Come, now. Don't feel so down. I'll try to spare her.

That's what I'm worried about. After Sir Abel, I don't really think you're reliable enough when it comes to saving people in need.

Perhaps, but I am very reliable when it comes to murdering people.

Not now, Ruben. Focus on the battlefield.

Even YOU are serious now? Well. I think I better try my best, then.

I pray for your success.

Thanks, Wrys.

Don't worry about it. Go, and save that poor, helpless soul.

Part 29 - The traitor's last stand.

Spoiler

Well, I'm glad they're not trying to be subtle about it.

We open to Eremiah being a dick to Katarina. As usual.

She doesn't seem so convinced.

I can read the sarcasm. Why does Eremiah still send her after Marth, again?

Uh... Gharnef? You might want to tone down that spell of yours. It's working much too well.

She's not even looking at you in the eye!

Yeah, I'm sure it's a good idea to tell her that.

This won't backfire, no chance, nope.

I think I better repeat that I do like the assasins subplot. I just use a generic nitpicking style of commenting because it's all I am capable of doing, apparently.

That said, I stand by my words. Eremiah's way too careless. She's going to be all alone soon enough.

Things. Oh, boy. Matthis got a defense bonus.

30 defense with the bonus. Think about it.

I manage everyone's inventories and sell the bullion. Sweet, sweet cash.

But before we go, let's check on our people.

Leiden and Robert! How are you two doing?

These two are a bit like Noah and Treck from FE6. Which is rather weird, because their sense of fashion does not match either of those personalities.

Bwahahahah. You're always good for a laugh, Leiden, my man.

You know, wearing two right gloves is not something I would've expected from a guy with that jacket and haircut.

Congratulations, Robert. Next time, please remember to join unpromoted so more people use you.

Hush, Leiden! You'll make him forget again!

Please help me, people. Maybe I'm just an uncultured swine, but I've no idea what they're going for here. What gloves could Jagen be talking about? I don't get it at all.

Anyway, what's Pretzel up to... oh, I see, he's just chatting with an old friend. Hello, Katarina.

Astram had an iron resolve and only (relunctantly) defected to our side after Jeorge gave him hard evidence of something wrong being at play. Katarina is a sad sack with wrecked nerves who's just begging to be recruited.

Katarina is harder to recruit than Astram. Oh well. I understand why they did it, anyway. It makes for an interesting chapter.

Very well. Katarina's attack range is as depicted in the screenshot. Matthis will bait everyone out of it.

Errrgghhh. 'Twas not to be, it seems.

Doggone it.

We have to attack, don't we? Unh.

Very well, then. Yumina doesn't crit, but that's fine.

Sufficient.

Robert destroys this guy. He's turning into quite the Swordmaster. Robert, unlike guys like Macellan, at least benefits from joining when there are still some Dragons left. It doesn't make him good, but he's not as bad as those other guys.

Wait, what am I saying? I started using him after dragonland!

Anyway, Matthis and Pretzel weaken Berserkers for units who aren't overleveled as fuck / actually good units to finish them off.

Like so.

Oh, awesome. Another one of Etzel's guaranteed shaver critical hits.

Oh.

Yeah. This is going to be the theme of this chapter: everything goes perfectly and then Deadweight dies.

Okay! This time, I forget to move the rest of the team. So, now Yumina can't reach anybody. Joy.

I am thus forced to do this. Marth doesn't get speed, which makes this level-up crap.

I do all this again. The third picture is just there to show that Robert electrocuted the Berserker critically. The animation isn't very different than the normal attack, he just caresses his sword for a few seconds before summoning the ire of nature.

Oh hey, Kate. She'll kill Matthis in 5 turns. This means she'll never kill him.

More death. Home stretch now.

Blehhhh. Awful.

Let's see-- nope, can't let Matthis keep his javelin to the enemy phase.

Matthis isn't using the Spear of Suicide, but he destroys the enemy anyways.

There we go. I disarm Etzel as well because he WILL crit Katarina to death if I give him the chance.

And-- D'oooohhh!

Screw the conversations, you're getting benched to hell after today.

Aaaaaaarrrrghhh! Don't miss, Matthis!

This happens again. Not much to say, here, the strategy for these first turns worked wonders, so I don't see the point in changing anything. I just need to remember to leave somebody at the rear to protect Deadweight.

There we go. Etzel doesn't crit this time, so Athena helps him out.

God! This guy is worse than Wendy. I never thought I'd say this, but I wish I lost him the first time he died.

Again! This ag-- oohhh. Excellent. Thanks, Matthis. I feel better now.

Etzel doesn't crit this time either. Neither does Pretzel. As for Yumina, I'm tired of seeing Pretzel getting one-rounded by the reinforcements, so I leave her behind to stop them for the time being.

And now, Robert and Athena finish these guys off. And Pretzel's not in range of anybody this time! The future is looking bright.

This fool decided for some reason that it was a good idea to attack Etzel instead of Robert. Etzel shows him the error in his ways.

And the Swormaster attacks Matthis once more.

When the player phase starts, Robert ends his suffering.

Matthis throws a critical javelin at this guy, again.

Marth tries to kill this guy, but fails because he's too underleveled. Therefore, Athena does the deed.

Yumina shoots some sharp wind at this guy, and gets the same level-up she got the first time around.

Etzel heals her wounds, and...

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! You're such a bad--

Oh, he critted.

You still suck ass.

And now you're dead.

Okay! Again, again, again! Marth tries to contribute and gets this crappy level-up.

Et cetera.

That Berserker can't be blocked, so I make sure Pretzel stays the hell away from there.

Etzel and Athena are attacked by these enemies. This is actually quite good, now I can kill the Sniper safely.

Yumina stands by the entrance of the center of the map again, and physics Athena.

That's the best 5th level-up you've gotten so far. It makes up for Marth's unfortunate attempt at growing up as a unit.

Robert finishes off the Sniper who attacked Athena, while Etzel gets some more staff experience. I'd really like to get a fortify user as soon as possible, and Etzel's my best bet. He should be getting to A rank before we leave Gra.

Also, Pretzel heals his father up. Not that it matters. He's the worst unit I have, and with three other healers, he's also unneeded.

Matthis puts an end to the Swordmaster's struggle. Not that it matters, the other one will attack and the result will be the same.

Here they come! You know, I didn't think this one through as much as I should have. Had she critted, Yumina would've died.

I only realised that once she was already attacking, of course. My heart skipped a beat here.

But she held back her magic well, so she lives to see Athena and this Berserker fight to a stalemate.

Oh, and Matthis decides he's had enough of these swordies. They are no more now!

Matthis and Athena do some jeiganing. Athena has some vast experience on the matter from the prologue chapters.

And we feed the experience to our scrubs! Although, at this point, I'd hardly call Robert a scrub. He's not my best unit, but he is good. Certainly better than our Lords.

D'awww, c'mon, I wanted you to keep getting your generic, forgettably good level-ups. Now you got sometihng different. Oh well. HP is something you very much need.

Marth helps him equip his steel sword through trading so he doesn't kill Katarina.

And Yumina ends what she started. Nice. Honestly, as much as I like him, Elrean's starting to fall behind both Etzel and Yumina. Etzel's just as tanky and has better resistance, magic and staff rank, and Yumina's better offensively and has access to Aura and Nosferatu. Still, I'll try to bring him along when I can, for the conversations.

Katarina wrecks Robert while Athena's Berserker does the same to Yumina. But Yumina, unlike the good Sabre Knight, is capable of retaliating, and does so in flying colours.

And it looks like it's about time to recruit Katarina!

"

"...that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character..."

Your stats are better than Pretzel's, I'd take you over him any day.

I just love how Katarina just goes up to Pretzel and starts to chat with him. I know Pretzel initiated the conversation through the talk command, but the scene opens with Katarina.

Etzel gains some more defense. He and Matthis are fiercely the level cap. I wonder who'll reach it first.

Of course, there's the fact that Etzel joined at level 6 promoted while Matthis was initially level 4 unpromoted. Then again, Etzel joined later than Matthis, so it evens out. They were at around the same level when Etzel finally joined us.

Oh. Well. If you put it that way...

If you insiiiiiist...

Repent!

Yeah, back in the day when I still thought Pretzel would turn out well. Augh.

And so, Katarina's suffering comes to an end.

And that's it. No, Marth. He didn't play anything. Say that to Robert if anything.

Yeah! Tomorrow, we resume our quest to reach Archanea.

Reset count: 9 (Pretzel: 7 - Marth: 2)

Death count: Linde
                       Samto
                       Navarre
                       Arran
                       Norne
                       Roger
                       Cain
                       Wrys*
                       Frey
                       Cecille
                       Abel
                       Katarina

*Retreated.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nah, just kidding. I just wanted to show that scene.

I load the savestated I made right after the second recruitment conversation for this purpose, and...

This time, we do it properly.

No, not really. His decent resistance is his only... tolerable stat right now.

Yeah, I don't think I pictured that moment. I wasn't planning on commenting the story in detail. But it's fun to trash talk Gotoh and all that.

Hahahahahahah, this moment I did picture. Jesus, she really was decieving him at the very beginning already.

D'awww. Sepia flashbacks to moments I may have or may have not screencapped and commented. I don't remember when I really started to go through the story seriously.

...oh, part 2. Well. I quickly lost my laziness, that's for sure.

Well, hard to care for that name. I can relate. And I was the one who came up with it! It seemed like a good idea at the time! I thought he'd turn out as good as Etzel!

I like Katarina's attire, except for the inexplicably really short skirt.

Congratz, Sherlock. You've solved the mystery. Shall we move on?

Kris.jpg except for the fact that it doesn't contain any training.

Well, it would've worked for Abel had he survived the Altean battle... c'mon Katarina, I want that Nosferatu tome.

But why would she care at all about what the psycopaths at the orphanage thought of her betrayal?

God, Satan, Buddha, Jesus, Anna, Elimine, and every other deity in existance and fiction help you, Katarina.

And now she's a blue unit. Since she technically joins in this chapter (even though it ends instantly because there aren't any other enemies), I'll talk about her right now.

Katarina's a late Etzel. B tomes and C staves ensure she can use Aura and warp right off the bat, but her stats are a tad low for this stage of the game (although they aren't as low as those of some other scrubs at least). She's a fine back up staff user, finer than the last one we'll be getting. But we don't really need that at the moment. Still, it's worth recruiting her, just for her undroppable Nosferatu tome. We'll be getting another one next chapter, but you can never have too many Nosferatu tomes.

Wow, wow, wow. Weren't you so happy to be back at Pretzel's side just a minute ago? What would he think if he heard you?

"I must go train now".

Yeah... don't... don't listen to him, please. Nobody would benefit from your death.

He's just a weak, idealistic child like that.

It's not a bad plan. Although, I'd keep an eye on her. She's an emotional wreck. That could prove to be dangerous. It won't, but it could.

Start by giving that Nosferatu tome to someone who actually needs it.

What a good speech, Marth. No, seriously, it was good. Rejoice, Katarina. You'll have plenty of time to think for yourself on the bench.

And with that, I bid you goodnight. Tomorrow, a chapter I really like, both storywise, and gameplaywise. I really like every chapter in this story arc (from Altea to Hardin) actually. They're all pretty interesting chapters with fun quirks.

Reset count: 9 (Pretzel: 7 - Marth: 2)

Death count: Linde
                       Samto
                       Navarre
                       Arran
                       Norne
                       Roger
                       Cain
                       Wrys*
                       Frey
                       Cecille
                       Abel

*Retreated.

[I'm in over my head - A bad player's first Ironman Fire Emblem 12 run (and first let's play)!]

...

...

What's going on, Ruben?

Oh, nothing, I'm just trying to comprehend how the hell did Matthis become so strong.

And?

I don't think even Einstein would've figured it out, considering his average growths even with the Drop, but either way, I'm glad it happened.

But most importantly, I'm glad I didn't use you! Hah hah hah!

...

Part 28 - Master plan.

On 25/8/2017 at 2:11 AM, KnightOfNohr said:

Training music? (Puts on "Way of the Platypus")

Strange choice... I like it.

As for the narrator, my theory is Jagen. IT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING! 

Whoa, it really does. Good theory, allow me to borrow it as my own headcanon.

The "special dance" has been an official FE meme since The Blazing Sword.  Eliwood and Ninian's C support.

Ah. Huh. I was not aware. Probably because the last dancer I ever really used before this LP was, well, Feena a few playthroughs ago.

 

14 hours ago, Franp3 said:

I take back my prediction about Matthis. His 26 def and 60 hp will make sure he stays.

No, stop it! You're jinxing him!

Also, Frey died. YOLIEM (You Only Live In Easy Mode)

I just realised I've now killed every single one of Marth's crew of Cavaliers, not counting Draug and Gordin because they're obviously not Cavaliers. I'm a horrible person.

He sold his homeland, betrayed his liege, chose the worst Whitewing, TRIED TO ATTACK MATTHIS, and you spare him? you're the kindest person i've ever known. Or just played a lot of Undertale.

Well, I tried, but failed. Maybe I subconsciously wanted him dead?

And I haven't played Undertale. In fact, I've grown to rather dislike it, because of the absolutely gruesome fandom and in my opinion terrible humour. Not saying you're an asshole if you like it, but by God did I get tired of everything related to live-a-live and Mother being filled with UT crap. By now, it's degenerated to the point where there are more "I'M FUCKING TIRED OF UT FANBOYS" complaints than there are actual UT fanboys, but the result is the same. Dumb fans are the worst that can happen to anything.

While we're in the subject, did you know I loved Mother 3 before it was cool to do so? Yeah. Braggin'.

Dude, Fir is the dodgiest myrmidon in the GBA games, or at least she's always been for me.

Likewise, but like KnightofNohr said, I was just referencing the FE6 LP that can be found in the lparchive, in which she kept getting hit by handaxes and the LPers ended up calling her an axe magnet. I do believe that is the source of the meme, but don't take my word for it.

*Rocky*

How positively unimaginative.

I do, but mostly because i'm a native spanish speaker myself.

Yeah, I know the feeling. Somebody FINALLY called out the 'muricans for their JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJector crap, eh?

That makes two of us. Can I give you a virtual hug?

*hug*

May I join? I'm feeling a little down as of late.

Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure...

...what did I expect...?

Spoiler

Today's Yesterday's free crap. Sorry for not updating yesterday, by the way. I was really tired. Blame the driving school.

Anyway, Caesar's so wrong it's amazing, yadayada, Rody's delusions, blah blah Beck's a brony all of sudden. Except he isn't, but I'm sure many people can no longer see little ponies the same way anymore. It's like, the word "führer" which used to mean "leader" but now it means "Hitler, the devil, destruction, death and agony".

Anyway, let's see what our least favourite failure is up to.

Ah. He's being bland with Athena.

Wohoo. She now knows what reconnaissance means. I wonder if she'll ever get to use that word.

I would like to be of service to you as well, Miss Athena. Eh? Eh?

...what am I doing? Only real women are worthy of my attention! So said normal people! Must... hang on to... shreds of... dignity! Gaaah!

Oh well. There it goes.

See, one thing I really like about Athena is her design, it just screams "out of place". Look at her, her eyes, her hairstyle, those... things under her eyes, even the shape of her face is completely different from everybody else's. And her clothing's just plain exotic. For how much flak Shadow Dragon got for its artistic style, I think Athena's is an amazingly designed character, and she does not lose this feeling of exoticness in her New Mystery artwork. Overall, I think all the new Shadow Dragon characters were very well designed, except for the part where everybody has to die for them to ever be met. But still, good work, artists.

Until Heroes where they just made her a Fir lookalike. Of course, this is just my opinion. I just... really dislike her heroes artwork.

Also, I think Pretzel should teach her not to refer to herself in plural before the meaning of reconnaissance.

It is indeed.

Pfffft. What?

I mean, I get what she's going for, but she failed spectacularly.

Looks like even Pretzel found it funny! Oh wait, never mind, he's just doing his training. God damnit, another training conversation?

Bah...

...!

Excellent! It's Elrean.

Oh boy, here we go.

Unless you're a healer, then that's the only way to become stronger.

Just like that. Holy crap, Elrean.

Honestly, if I was Merric I would've given up trying to befriend you a long time ago. But, Merric, much like his old friend, is a weak, idealistic child.

What's this? Is Pretzel turning the tables on Elrean? No, don't do that, I don't like you as much as I like Elrean! And Elrean's an unlikable dickhead!

He's got a point, Elrean, my friend. How are you going to retaliate?

Well, you are right now.

That makes two of us.

Bwahahahahahahahah. Pretzel ruins this perfectly hilarious ending to the conversation by saying something else. I'll save you the trouble.

Okay, I initially considered kicking Elrean out for Jeorge, but decided to bench Dice instead. I fear the day I'll have to bench four of my badasses to make way for four scrubs.

I make him give away the elfire tome for a heal staff. If he needs more power, he's got his Thoron.

And with that, we go reclaim what's ours! Or, well, Marth's!

Wow. Whoever is in charge of this place is really incompetent.

Pretzel, you aren't even coming today. Heck, you were the first I sent to the bench when I noticed Robert couldn't get in!

That must feel really disgraceful. The deuteragonist, shafted for one of the most forgettable characters in the entire game.

Hello. Who's this?

Indeed, Marth. I, too, would've prefered somebody else.

You will fight. You have a bow and are...

Wait, he's worse than Jeorge?! Impossible!

Yeah, Macellan's nothing like Dolph. Unlike Dolph, who can at least tank in his joining chapter, Macellan can't fight to save his life; his growths, while good, are pretty much a carbon copy of Horace's who joined with better bases 7 chapters ago counting the gaidens; but his bases are his main, crippling flaw. He has worse bases than Sheema! Fucking-Sheema! All in all, if you train him... eh. I once used him as a Hero and he turned out pretty good... but not before I sunk thousands upon thousands of gold in the drill grounds to bring him up to level 14. That's how bad his bases are.

More talking! Willow? Wow, he got old. And tall. And generic. He is still a magic user, at least.

Wow, this plan is bad. Not as bad as the abominations the assasins spout out of their degenerate minds, but... you do know that we don't need the whole army to unload chests? In fact, I believe the treasury would be a great place to wait them out, considering there are not one but two chokepoints to use!

If so, you've already lost. Who put this guy in charge?

Anyway, here's Astram. Unlike his fellow Heroes, he won't double anybody, but thanks to his A sword rank and Mercurius, he'll do more damage than them in one hit. Which makes him overall less of a threat than they are. He still destroys Jeorge and Macellan like everything else in the map, so I better be careful.

Leiden will head west to retrieve the Geosphere.

Meanwhile, Matthis will, as always, lead the offensive by killing this Thief.

Maybe I should've placed Castor there, but other than that, we're fine. In maniac, that asshole sniper has a longbow, but here, only the Heroes can attack us right away.

Gah! That was closer than I would've liked, but at least that's two Heroes that have wasted their turns.

Ahem, sorry, let me correct that: that's two Heroes that will survive the turn, which will allow me to feed them to Robert or somebody else in need of experience.

Matthis uses his normal, 3 might javelin to almost kill this guy. At least he's close to capping strength. He won't ever be able to one-round people with his javelin. I'd rather he left something alive if I want him to.

Run away!

Robert takes the Hero out, and...

Jeorge talks to his fellow blond regalia wielder.

Hah. Ever the resentful, eh Astram?

No, no you won't.

Jeorge is employing the same tactics Marth used to recruit him.

...well actually, now that I think about it, Marth just told him he didn't want to fight, and Jeorge just... kind of recruited himself. So he's technically employing the same tactics he used to recruit himself. Or, you know, he is actually speaking with his brain instead of with his sword hand.

And you didn't find that suspicious at all!? You're better than this!

Oh, okay. Of course. The guy with rotting skin, red eyes and an evil streak told you that Nyna was "ill" and you just believed him.

Enough fooling around, Jeorge. Hit him where it hurts!

He's on the ropes! Finish him!

Come, now. That's a good plan and you know it, Astram.

Oof, the guilt trap! He's done.

Hush, Jeorge, he's thinking it over.

Fair enough. And now we got the badass who's been pursuing us for so long!

Except, not quite. What we got is a fool with stats comparable to Jeorge. And Jeorge can't do anything at this stage of the game. His one redeeming quality is his A rank in swords, which allows him to use Mercurius. But, honestly, pretty much anyone else is more worthy of it. And unlike Macellan, he can't turn good if you give him a thousand level-ups, because his growths aren't very good. He's just bad, through and through.

Contribute to the cause, Jeorge, even if only insignificantly so.

Matthis moves forward and destroys this guy. I don't want him and his 30~ crit to reach anyone not called Matthis.

Macellan insignificantly contributes to the cause as well. His strength is slightly better than Jeorge's, but only because I reclassed the latter to Horseman. That's... honestly just sad.

Meanwhile, the best prepromote in the game shows them both up by singlehandedly destroying this hero. D'aw, c'mon! I wanted to give him to someone else. Like Marth. Marth's in an urgent need of experience.

I took this picture much too late, so allow me to explain what is going on: Elrean is healing Castor.

Athena goes up and finishes this guy off, but... I'm still really, really worried about that killer Sniper nobody can reach.

I use this thing (well, I only said I wouldn't use the rainbow potion. This is in no way overpowered like that other thing). This isn't going to end well, is it?

Oh, and it doesn't matter at all, because Jeorge is still in range of the Sniper. Well. So long, Jeorge. You were rather useful back in Khadein. And you brought Parthia to us!

Oh, he didn't get critted.

He didn't get critted! Something finally went my way! Yes!

Also, the speed potion didn't matter at all because Marth wouldn't have died either way. Heck, if anything, using it was detrimental for me, because now I'll miss out on some healing experience.

Oh shit I forgot to move Leiden while I worried about the Sniper! Noooooo! Move, post-haste!

I don't want Willow's forces to come out just yet.

Go defend the treasury, Robert.

Jeorge celebrates his survival by retrieving his stuff and shooting an arrow at this Hero while Astram glares angrily at him. These are his former comrades, after all.

You know, I would've liked it better if Astram's deal was like Sheema and Samson. He'd only join you if you spared his partners, and they wouldn't attack you after he became blue.

Look at them go! These two make a good team. They're equally terrible. Except Jeorge joined eons ago and Macellan, well...

And Athena does him in.

The Sniper finally manages to hit someone critically. Shame that someone's Matthis. It might be for the best, though. That crit could've been Matthis', and Matthis does not need any more experience. I've been overusing him way too much.

But, can you blame me? My Matthis is the best unit I've seen in a while.

Yumina puts the Sniper out of his misery.

Not even I know what's going on here.

Oh, right, Marth chugs a vulnerary. I really need to work on my timing, these healing shots always come out wrong.

No! Leiden can't reach the Thief! And he's leaving next turn!

At first I thought to use another warp charge, but then I noticed...

It wasn't necessary.

What now? No escape for you!

Robert starts to kill the Thieves surrounding him. I'm glad they didn't try to attack him, his defenses are lackluster.

And the Geosphere is ours! It's more useful than the Lightsphere, I'll give it that, but it's not as good as the Starsphere or even the Lifesphere.

Nice. Pretty good.

Robert kills another Thief. He's ready to level up!

Anybody else feeling déjà vu?

And Castor kills the last one.

Hahahah, awesome! He's almost as deadly as Matthis, but not quite as tanky.

And now... I've a plan that'll put Matthis' combat prowess to the test.

But first, the deadweight has done enough. You guys can chill here and catch up while Macellan takes a nap.

Okay, we're ready to begin the second phase of the chapter.

Bring it on, Willow!

I've always found this scene rather interesting. It seems Dr. Griffin is the one pulling the strings, not Willow. This reference should prove to be harder than the previous ones.

Here come the enemi--

Jesus! That's way too close. Good thing Leiden's the man.

Okay! And now, the time has come.

Mwah hah hah hah! HAH HAH HAH HAH HAAAAAAAAH! They're walking corpses, each and every one of them!

Sufficient. Etzel's quickly turning into my best magic user. Maybe I should make him fight more often.

Not from here you won't, my friend!

See, Willow's mistake was to consider this a battle of intelect, not brawn. It's, in fact, a battle of both. I provide the intelect and the strategies, and Matthis has more than enough brawn to make my plans a reality.

And down he goes! No, I don't know why I made an edit for him. Unlike with Eibel, I didn't have a reason for it.

Because, in case you didn't notice, I tried to emulate Hector's wounded sprite in FE6 with Eibel's death edit. Kudos to you if you noticed that!

Capped strength. This guy, I swear.

Also, level 15 already? He's not just going to ram the level cap, he's going to crash into it and shatter the entire foundation, allowing everyone to level up to 100 and beyond!

Nah, actually, he'll just ram the level cap and proceed to waste all the experience I'll feed him. And I will not regret it in the slightest.

More treasure. This one's great.

Athena and Leiden take on the Warriors.

Elrean, meanwhile, takes on the eastern lot.

Castor finishes this guy off and gets dangerously close to the enemies coming from the throne room. That certainly won't become a problem later.

Whoa, 10 defense for Feena. She just needs some more HP. And strength. And a weapon rank. And maybe then, she'll be an okay fighter.

And that's it for this wave's Warriors. Holy crap, Yumina. She has a 15% defense growth, this isn't normal!

Robert waits here to defend Feena.

And that's it for the player phase. Hopefully nobody will die now.

Matthis' DA TALISMAAAANNN allows him to survive this.

That always brings an idiotic smile to my face

.

GAH oh thank God.

Wow he one-rounded him? That's amazing.

Elrean does get hit, but not critically at least.

Damnit Bishops.

Good work, Robert. Home stretch now. Quite literally!

Matthis and castor get blasted with varying degrees of potential success, but an equal real outcome.

These two advance, and I just realised Castor would be dead had he not dodged the Warrior's arrow.

About time things went my way. But there's some chapter left still. Something will happen. It always does. Just because one thing goes well doesn't mean everything will.

Bleeh.

The Sniper critted Matthis, actually managing to leave a dent on him. I mean, they have done away with less than two thirds of his healthbar, but it's still more than what most mooks can do.

Annoying-- stop wasting MY fortify charges!

You're going down.

There we go! I managed to save 11 charges. Not too shabby.

And now, Matthis gets some healing. Those idiots will learn what it is to have to fight a boss. Except this one's at Hardin's level of strength.

The second Warrior that came out of the throne room meets his end.

Amazing! Athena's now as durable as Leiden.

Robert takes down this Mage, and that's it for the enemies. Another round of reinforcements will be coming from the south, but it's nothing to be worried about.

Healing, and treasure. This isn't too useful.

And this turn's round of swarming takes place. It's slightly more effective than the last one, but still throughoutly futile.

And now... it's time for these two to fall. They fought well, better than most, but Matthis is much too powerful.

And down they go. Only the Bishops are still alive. I think I'll make Matthis kill the Physic guy just so he doesn't keep wasting MY physic charges, and feed the others to Robert.

The magic is useless, but luck and defense are both excellent gains.

There we go. The only thing standing between me and victory is the last batch of reinforcements.

Here they are. Robert tries to bring down the first Warrior, but fails to hit critically.

So Feena helps him finish him off.

Yumina and Leiden get crits that vary in usefulness. Try to guess which one's the good one. If you succeed, you'll demonstrate you know your FE 101.

Life and death. The map's basically finished now.

But first, this. I'll let Matthis sit on the throne again. It'll make him virtually unkillable.

Elrean gets healed, and...

Treasure time! Another shaver tome for Etzel to get those sweet guaranteed crits, luck, speed and vendor trash.

Robert begins to move up. He'll be taking on these guys.

He does so in flying colours. Literally!

Déjà vu, anyone? Not complaining, though. This level's great.

And there we go. That's it.

That's... it? Is this it? A map where everything went my way? No...

HELL YEAH! A MAP FINALLY WENT PERFECTLY!

Marth celebrates by getting a "special" dance from Feena while Matthis and Robert look. Feena gains strength from it.

It... it really went perfectly. I almost can't believe Jeorge is still alive.

And so, Marth reclaims his homeland, his best man behind him. Pretzel is, of course, nowhere to be seen.

Marth is unimpressed at the thought of having reclaimed Altea. All he wants now is to find Elice and give her a couple of bitch slaps for calling him weak, idealistic and childish.

Scratch that, not everything went my way. I was expecting Gotoh to remain absent for longer. Damnit.

Marth's like "sheesh, does trouble ever end?".

Nah he's just pulling a fast one on you.

And Maria. I wonder why he doesn't mention her.

Gee, thanks for the help, Gotoh.

"I'm sorry to rain on your parade, but your sister has been kidnapped by Gharnef"

"What?! Where are they? What does he plan to do with them!?"

"That, I do not know. I'm just telling you because."

Oh, never mind, he does tell us where Gharnef is. Except, he doesn't, he just tells us where he thinks he is. Because after aaaall this time and reports of her not being anywhere to be seen going as far back as to Jeorge's recruitment, I think we can expect her to have already been abducted.

Still, kudos to you, Gotoh. I'm surprised you didn't make Marth win a duel against Matthis using the bamboo sword before telling him that.

Marth realises all the work he's still got to do, and sighs in exhaustion.

Well, not all of them, Lorenz and other 10 of our own men have already fallen. You can't save those.

Hey, Pretzel. I wish I could've been able to forget about your existance.

Yeah, feels like an eternity. We've come a long way since the days I skimmed through the story in two screencaps.

Yeah, nobody remembers this. I skipped this part.

How does one "sense" the enemy presence? Does Katarina really smell that bad? Take a bath, damn you!

Oh, boy. Tomorrow, we do that.

Reset count: 5 (Pretzel: 3 - Marth: 2)

Death count: Linde
                       Samto
                       Navarre
                       Arran
                       Norne
                       Roger
                       Cain
                       Wrys*
                       Frey
                       Cecille
                       Abel

*Retreated.

 

[I'm in over my head - A bad player's first Ironman Fire Emblem 12 run (and first let's play)!]

Hey, Robert!

Huh?

You used to be a Horseman.

That I was. Why?

Did you ever raid any villages?

No... why would I? I strive to protect the powerless. Horsemen usually are not the kind of people to destroy a village full of innocent people.

Hmm. I can't understand... Oh, well. We've more important matters to attend to. Maybe I'll ask Beck later.

...?

Part 27 - Ai(r)ball.

On 24/8/2017 at 2:00 AM, KnightOfNohr said:

Ah, the Bamboo Sword. The infamous Stick Dao!

Also, when you address someone in a sentence, you separate the proper noun or pronoun from the rest of the sentence via commas. (Etc, do you not, Leiden)

Yeah, I thought that sounded weird. Thanks for the info.

23 hours ago, Dayni said:

I assume it's because Archanea essentially vassalised the rest of the nations in some attempt to unite all peoples within one nation, so Marth never got the chance to crown himself.

That makes sense. But I can't thank you, this means I've one less thing to complain about on a daily basis. Damn you, Dayni! Now I'll have to trash talk Gotoh even more!

Also, WHAT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? HORSEMEN CAN RAZE VILLAGES? WHAT? WHY OF ALL CLASSES HORSEMEN?

I'm going to guess he was from the other village, and since there's bad blood between them, he just charged at them like a madman.

And that crown always looks stupid, can't stand it on Pretzel Stu.

I'll count that as a vote against it. But you've got to admit, it's very in-character for him to be an idiot and fall for Xane's deceit.

Spoiler

Okay! So, last time, the game trolled me by making this aleatory asshole raze the village to the ground. I wish I made that up, I really do.

Damn you! I will avenge those innocent Alteans!

D'oh! Dolph, you're the worst tank ever!

Finally, experience for Robert.

I'll feed this guy to Robert as well.

But first, I wouldn't like Dolph to die to a Thief. Get healed, you incompetent light bulb!

Aaaaand HAH beat you to it.

Mm. Thank you truly.

Well, as it stands, you certainly do.

Strength for Robert/Athena. Not too shabby.

There you go, Robert. Please, do get a good level-up.

Great! Good way to begin your training. But you've a long way ahead of you.

If you remember, the eastern team was about to begin the assault on Aeible. To that end, Matthis disarms himself and sits inside Abel's range.

Leiden, meanwhile, will weaken these enemies for Athena.

Don't worry, Abel. I forgive you. In fact, I'm going to spare your life!

I dance for Est, but before moving her closer to Abel, I consider my options to kill this Sniper. Of course, Matthis would wreck him, but I'd really like to give this kill to Dice. It'll net him a level-up.

And--

...

I uh...

My finger slipped and I made her try to talk the Sniper down. And, predictably, she failed.

...

You know? I initially considered going back and pretending this never happened, because (pretty much because of habit, but also just in case I skip a quote or a line of text) I keep savestating all the time. But, really, how could I ever be so heartless to deprive you of this once-in-a-lifetime chance to laugh at my incompetence?

Well. No matter. We can still do it. I can still save face!

Again, I could just demolish him with Matthis or Castor, but I'd rather do this. Don't worry, I've got a plan for Abel.

Jeez! Why are the enemy Snipers so crit-happy today?

Don't you dare die, Elrean!

And down goes the asshat!

Res? How rare. Anyway, this level-up would be bad for anybody else, but Dice needs skill more than anything at this point, so it's fine.

Okay, now Abel will beat his wife, just barely fail to kill her because he's a terrible fighter, and then she'll talk him into our team.

WAIT WHAT?! No! Matthis attacks his sister, Elrean attacks his master, Etzel attacks the guy he owes, FE11!Wendell attacks his pupil (not that it made much sense for Wendell to attack anyone to begin with), Samson attacks his soon-to-be beloved Sheema, and yet this fucking asshole decides he doesn't want to stab Est?!?!?!

Miss! No! Damnit Elrean, this isn't the time to be competent!

God damnit, that was the most ridiculous blunder I've made thus far!

But you know what? His life would've been ruined by the end of the game anyway, and the result would've been the same, but slower, and more painful for all parties involved. This way, he can join Cain, Arran and Frey in peace.

Goodbye, Abel. You used to be great. Now you just had a personality.

And of course, the level fucking sucks. Gah!

Oh well. Only one thing to do, now. Abel as a unit.

Abel is crap. His starting stats are bad, especially his HP, in which he sports a whopping personal base of 1. He joins late in his chapter. This means, unlike Dolph, he can't even tank a couple guys before heading for the bench. And his growths? Basically, Dolph but with speed. Which isn't that remarkable. Of course, Abel benefits from being favoured by most people, me included (sometimes), but since I'm mentally challenged and was unable to make Est talk to him...

Okay, time to move on. Feena's capped speed, so her levels will look worse from now on.

Leiden--

And Athena--

Whoa. What an oddly successful generic Fighter. But he couldn't escape from his fate.

Etzel flings a physic in the general direction of Athena.

Wow.

Just... wow. You keep getting these, Etzel, and Elrean's going to feel bad.

Hell, I think he already does! Etzel's already tankier (thanks to his sky-high resistance), luckier and more powerful than him. And he has B staves on top of that!

Jeez, the components of your class are renowned for their dodging potential! Can you stop getting hit? Who do you think you are? Fir?

Pretty bland Myrmidon level-up. But, sufficient.

Ow! Dangit!

It's a good thing she had the levin sword equipped. I can safely finish him off before healing her, which is convenient. I guess.

Then this guy goes for Leiden. Typical. These stupid Archaneans and Abel are insanely suicidal, I tell you.

Oh look. How nice of you, Leiden.

You're a good guy. Don't let the haters tell you otherwise.

Pretzel refuses to be useful. I can't understand, he has >50 growths everywhere, yet he insists in getting these awful level-ups.

Time to get some cash for staves. Robert hands over the starsphere.

Training montage! Play your favourite training song.

These are the fruits of Athena's labour. We lost a mend, but who cares, we're about to get a bunch. She got defense! That's pretty good.

Now, it's Robert's turn. Give him back the starsphere, please.

...yeah, that didn't go so well. I lost all the cash because Robert was unable to beat anybody.

This is why I've been carrying around the bridge key. I sell it to get just enough for...

Matthis to try his luck! Obviously, he wins, but even he's having trouble.

In the end, I just make him fight for a couple of rounds and give up because this crap's really tedious. Pretzel got a bad level-up, nothing to see here.

So I send Marth on a shopping spree! I get a lot of heal staves, and a couple of mend staves. We're set for life! Or, well, a few chapters.

And now, it is time to draw in the rest of the enemies around Eibel! Abel's death shall not go unpunished!

One of the perks of being a foreigner reading text in english is that I don't have trouble telling Eibel and Abel apart. In spanish, Eibel would be pronounced very much like in english, while Abel would be something like "Ah-bell". This has nothing to do with anything, but hey, you love these little facts I keep telling you, right? Right?

Well nobody has told me otherwise, so fuck you all. If you hate me, that must be because you are wrong. Not the other way around. That would be inconceivable.

How cute, these guys think they can kill Matthis.

Feena dances for Robert. He'll be bringing down the General.

Matthis! This is not the time to hold back!

Better. Thanks, Dice.

And Robert takes the cake.

This happens, too. Hmmm. I wonder...

Hahahah! She critted the asshole! Unbelievable. Her first, and most likely last, battle is a crushing victory!

Before we take on Eibel, I'd like to make sure these idiots don't heal him. Robert does the honours.

That's all right. He needs the defense.

I think it's about time we reenacted the battle of Araphen.

And...

Down goes Hector!

"...Lilina... Let me... see you... just... once more... Hrk...!!"

Good. I'll give you the energy drop. Keep at it!

This again? Oh well. But get some more defense please.

Marth is not impressed at Elrean killing Abel. Because it's Elrean's fault, most certainly. Damnit Elrean!

I'm sure guys like Feena or Castor, who've no reason to still be here with us, have been eagerly awaiting this moment.

That you did, Marth. The game would've been over so quickly had you grabbed the Falchion before leaving Altea.

It's a good thing you didn't, then, but I'm still going to nag you for it.

Oh wow, sepia flashbacks! Looks like my OP wasn't the only place where this technique would be used during the course of this LP.

Most certainly, that would be a foolish idea. However, it would be much more foolish to leave you in charge of anything.

Good thing Jagen is here to make sure we stay focused.

This won't factor into anything. We still just go right in through the main gates.

Yeah! Hopefully Falchion will still be there! Although honestly, at this point all I really care about is that sweet large bullion.

Yeah, please, do tell us.

D'awwww, really? Who could've forseen this?

Hahahahah. I have a gift for taking unintentional yet perfect blinking shots, it seems. Pretzel, you have failed to impress your liege with your stupidity utter dedication to your job.

Yes, please.

 

 

 

And we're off to the interior!

This isn't the narrator quoting anyone. This is the narrator speaking for him/herself. It seems the narrator hails from Altea, as well.

The cheese is strong with this one.

I do wonder how this would've played out if Sheeda had been dead.

...nothing? No changes? I guess they do not mention her name, after all, but... what other girl is there to wipe away Marth's tears? Athena?

Yeah, I'm gonna ship those two from now on. I'll have to have Sheeda killed now.

Yeah, a few weeks, to be exact.

Oh man, a Jagen judgement is upon us! I don't really get this one. I think it's just a general judgement on the Avatar's overall stats.

As usual, we got the worst option. You know what I realised? We've gotten all the worst options when Jagen himself was the one judging Pretzel, but when he was absent, Marth for some reason decided Pretzel was awesome at magic. What I'm getting at is that, Marth is bad at judging others. After all, he's a weak etc. etc.

Okay! Let's see if anyone's feeling like--

Uhhh...

Things! Throw that away, Athena, that's putrid!

As usual, we got crap and more crap. And then some more crap.

Okay, no more waiting, A quick reclass later...

Athena! It's time for you to show everybody why you're more than just a female Wallace!

Great stats. There's a reason why Falcoknights are exclusive to women and require a special item: they're awesome. Somebody with access to the Falcoknight class will never need to go back to Swordmaster ever again. She doesn't just have A swords, but because Falcoknights have a higher lance rank, she can equip javelins right away. Unlike their GBA counterparts, this class is just pure win, scientifically speaking.

She takes a few things (I'm not sure why I'm giving her the silver sword and not the lady sword. Meh). Particularly remarkable is my decision to give her the Iote shield. As hilarious as it is to see Matthis be invincible, he does not need it as much as she will.

Some more inventory management. I later gave Etzel the barrier staff, as well. It'll come in handy.

Also this. Why? Because Jeorge's stats are throughoutly awful one way or another, and I'd rather he had more movement to go knock some sense into Astram's hard skull without having to stay too close to the frontlines.

Matthis, too, goes back to the basics as he reclasses to Paladin. I like this class' caps better, and the extra HP and resistance will allow him to be even more invincible overall, as even Mages will have a hard time wearing him down now.

To that end, Matthis puts on the talisman. 9 res, holy crap. This guy is awesome. Yeah, yeah, I know, I've said that about a thousand times by now. It's a fact, is it not?

By the way, just a little fun fact: ever since I saw this, I can't help but think of the word "talisman" like this. Spoilers for Gabriel Knight 1.

Spoiler

I love this game's voice acting. Absolutely hilarious.

More stuff. Dice gets the speedwing, which will give him an edge in battle, and Robert, as promised, gets the energy drop. Yumina takes Pretzel's rescue staff because he's not coming today.

And that's it! Tomorrow, we reclaim castle Altea. See you--

Gaah! Hwaargh! Don't scare me like that!

Oh God, it's a training conversation.

You won't catch up to anybody. You got your husband killed! The only reason we're talking right now is that I foolishly picked you over Cain in the prologue!

Actually, there is an enemy you can't strike down, Est. Several, in fact.

Leiden! My man, you're all right, I tell you. I can even forgive you for another training conversation.

Not really, he's been in the main team ever since he joined us.

The willpower's debatable. The vitality... eh, I suppose so, his HP is huge.

No, not really. Pretzel here's just a control freak with no real power to back his fixations up. He even tried to seize the role of main protagonist, but failed hard by being too bland and unlikable!

Yeah, very important indeed. You forging bonds with your comrades means they get to speak and develop. That's really the only reason I'm only benching you in half of the chapters instead of just throwing you away permanently.

He doesn't seem very convinced. Maybe if he stays al--

NOPE! NOPE! Nope nope nope not saying it! You're not going to make me say it! I forbid all of you from saying it! I refuse to get Leiden killed! He's the best guy we got!

Okay. That was a close call. I'll go to sleep now.

Blistering barnacles, does it ever end?!

Goooooooooooooood yet another accursed training support! Goooooood, as in, screaming "God", not "good".

Nooooooo it's dumb central! I don't want to read through this!

Grumble grumble. Gyargh.

Good, good. You may have a severe lack of grey matter, Feena, but you're still better than Pretzel by a mile.

Yeah, pragmatism is awesome! I'm having so much fun reading this crap, I won't even try to pretend to be communicating with the characters like I do in every other conversation!

Huh. What's this about a "special" dance?

Uh... that's... interesting, to say the least.

Nope, I'm a normal guy who only cares about generic 3D waifus. Must... preserve... dignity!

Although honestly, being the weirdo I am, this kind of generic-ass seducing comes out as just boring to me. Be a little creative, damn you! I can't see your boobs, I'm not distracted enough to ignore that you can't imagine to save your life!

Yes I'm probably going to die alone. I've long since accepted that.

Argh. There's no way this could get any worse.

Oh, forgive me, Pretzel once again exceeded my expectations when it comes to sucking a big D. Pretzel! You're not me, sitting in front of a computer looking at a tiny mugshot of a fictional girl! You're in front of a sexy woman more or less asking you if you wish to get laid! Grow some damn spine! I can judge others for doing what I once did! That's how genial I am!

Oh. Would you look at that, she actually has standards. I'm... I'm speechless. I really would have never forseen this one.

Well, yeah, that's all I've done ever since he started to disgrace the very name of Gary Stu.

Yes, as a matter of fact, I do know that the male counterpart of Mary Sue is Gary Stu, I just couldn't be arsed to say it right. Does anyone have a problem with that?

I think by this point the silly goose has a raging boner that won't be deterred by the blockade. He probably isn't even mad, he most likely hasn't had enough of this, and last but not least, he's certainly not going back to his "training", precisely.

And that's half of the conversations out of the way! Tomorrow, the rest of the supports, and chapter 16. If we can liberate Altea without losing anybody, I'll be profoundly grateful.

Reset count: 5 (Pretzel: 3 - Marth: 2)

Death count: Linde
                       Samto
                       Navarre
                       Arran
                       Norne
                       Roger
                       Cain
                       Wrys*
                       Frey
                       Cecille
                       Abel

*Retreated.

[I'm in over my head - A bad player's first Ironman Fire Emblem 12 run (and first let's play)!]

Hey, Luke.

What?

Damnit, Luke!

Whaaaaaaaat? But whyyy?

It's been far too long since I last used my axe and damned you, Luke.

You've ran out of ideas, have you?

Come, now. It's great to go back to the basics sometimes. Speaking of which, I think it's about time I tried to kill you.

But you said Gotoh deserves to die more.

Yes but he's God knows where investigating Gharnef. I'll kill him when we see him again. In the meantime, I'll slain you.

...what a "great" plan.

Welp! Time for me to go get some cute girls for myself!

Damnit, Luke!

Yes... what he said.

...

Part 26 - Aeible.

On 23/8/2017 at 1:14 AM, KnightOfNohr said:

I love Gotoh's reaction.

"Don't worry, you don't have to tell me."

"Um...I'm not sure what you're talking about."

"I know, you're much to lame to have collected all the starshards..."

"Actually we did."

"whut."

Just another reason for me to hate his ass.

Also: THIRD PAGE! What a milestone!

Wohoo!

Spoiler

As usual, since there've been no votes, I'll let Pretzel buy Xane's bullshit. It's very in-character for him, after all.

What a sophisticated idiot. And the former's just because of the monocle.

No, seriously, why is Marth not the King? Is it ever explained? Am I forgetting something? I can imagine all the veterans looking down on me in disdain but seriously! Is there a good reason Marth is not the King? Is it because he's not married to Caeda yet? Well, then if anything, SHE wouldn't be the queen.

Emphasis on "finally". It's been, what, two or three real time weeks since Altea fell? Feels like an eternity. Thanks, Gotoh.

I don't like to call him Gato. Mostly 'cause gato is "cat" in spanish. And I love cats.

Abel, what an asshole. He coaxed Eibel into trying to inflict little damage to our units. Wait.

"One of"? It's been our main objective since chapter 5! The rest came later!

Jesus he looks awful. Holy Christ. The hell's that on his hair, near his ear?

This guy is so stupid and one-dimensional. I respect everyone's opinion, but I can really understand why most hate this fool. Why is this guy is more important for Altea and Marth than Arran, Cain, Draug, Frey, Abel, anybody? They could've made the avatar just another character with little dialogue!

Maybe then, we'd have gotten a Cain and Abel convo.

He wouldn't be a handful if your most trusted subordinate had anything resembling grey matter inside his thick skull.

Today's free stuff. Not bad, not bad! Another flycatcher, a weak, but accurate and critty sword, another cola, and a really good bow. That last thing's going to Castor, post-haste.

First things first. Cecille died, as you probably know. So I'm replacing her with... Robert of all people. No, no, c'mon, trust me, his growths are great, better than Cecille's in some areas.

Besides, he and Leiden have a conversation. That's interesting. Please, don't tell me you've already forgotten his name.

This time, I do remember to deposit the cards inside the convoy. I'll try to make Marth do the shopping from now on. If everything else fails, at least Marth can't be benched with the cards.

Matthis hops back on his Dragon. With the shield, now he's got even less to be worried about.

And with that out of the way, it's promotion time.

Dice's not my best unit, but he's still great. The awful accuracy is a rather big problem, though, which is why I'm not reclassing him to Berserker.

Now, Castor's going to the drill grounds. Don't worry about the funds, I've a plan.

Yeah, the plan's as simple as getting the money for the staves in the arena. Why?

Not bad, not bad at all! His offensive stats are amazing. I just wish he was a little more defensible, but his promotion ought to fix that.

This doesn't matter that much, because...

Castor's place is not on a horse. He won't be as versatile as Matthis, but he'll probably become just as lethal given the time and resources.

Like so. Look at that bow. 30 crit, 9 might... shame it's so brittle.

Inventory management. You should probably be able to make out who's who by their weaponery.

Then I sell all my useless stuff, like iron swords, the divinestone, and the wing spear. Sure, sure, the wing spear's awesome, but I'm not going to use Caeda ever, so why bother to keep it?

Behold!

Matthis' very own Spear of Suicide! Now he can kill Lena even more reliably!

Then I hand him a hand axe because I'm not feeling like wasting this magnificent lance in two maps.

Ahem, no pun intended.

Alrighty! Noone's in the mood to talk today, so let's just go.

Look, it's Est! That it is. Can't blame you though. Your stats suck so much ass. They probably sent a meekly level 1 Soldier and you got wrecked.

Look, it's Hector! Except he isn't, but if he was in the DS FEs, he'd probably look something like this. Although, I think he'd have pupils...

This is more interesting. Kkkkkccchhhhhh indeed, the General guarding Est will turn her into mince meat no matter what. Hell, he'll turn some of my own trained units into mince meat with that killer lance of his!

Hahahahah. You do not know who you're talking about. Marth is, after all, a weak, idealistic child.

Knowing me? It'll probably be a parade of failure and misery.

Oh look, it's Mr. Cl--

Cline! Sorry, corporations! You won't sue me! Not today! Hah hah!

By the way, just a little remark, I can't be the only one who thinks of elephants whenever he reads this guy's name. Seriously, it sounds like an elephant's name!

Silly you, Marth. This is FE12. Everyone has to be on our side. Except for Lorenz. Why give us Mr. Cline and not Big Boss?

Sounds reasonable enough.

Eh... I don't know if that's such a bright idea.

Dolph is the first of the myriad of bad prepromotes with awesome growths the game throws at you, starting today. They exist for the sole reason of giving these dialogueless characters from Shadow Dragon a few conversations. They didn't even try, either. Dolph and Macellan don't ever talk to each other! Still, for how much flak they get for it, I like their appearance. They looked awful before, but in the DS games they look badass. In my humble opinion, at least.

Ahem, okay. As a unit, Dolph is... not that bad, actually. His defense and offensive stats are mediocre, which is better than those of some other people. Dolph can be of some use in this map. His growths are not the best out there. They're nothing special, aside from his speed which is abhorrent. He can become somewhat decent if you train him, but nowhere near Horace. He is better than his brother-in-arms and a few others, though.

This is the main reason I forged the Spear of Suicide, which I keep thinking of as the Spear of Justice and, rest assured, at some point I'm going to call it that and fail to notice it.

There we go. Turn one, and we no longer have to worry about these stupid Ballisticians. I marked Abel's range, too. He won't kill himself trying to inflict chip damage to Matthis.

Bad thing is, now this guy can reach Feena. And he's got a ridersbane, too, so Leiden's not a viable solution for that.

Quick update on the western front. Marth, Pretzel, Robert and Marth will be taking care of that. It'll mostly be up to Matthis, though.

Remember how I said Leiden wouldn't work because of the ridersbane? Well, I checked, he's got no chance of getting critted, and the poor loser doesn't even two-shot him. So I place him here to draw the ridersbane rider away from the others.

I ended up covering Feena with Dice and Castor. They shouldn't die, although--

Wait, why is Dice using the poleax?

NOOOOO! Not this again! Not again!

Thanks for not killing him, although now he'll just get healed. If only I could kill the Bishops without aggroing Abel...

Or, better yet, if only Abel didn't have such terrible stats and got killed by almost everyone in one round...

Noooooooo! Don't hit! This can't be happening again!

C'mon, third time's the charm, it's got to be!

But... he went for... Castor? What? Why?

Yes! The Bishops are healing! It's over! Dice lives to see another day!

Looks like third time WAS the charm.

Time to slaughter these imbeciles.

We break out the heaviest weaponery. I refuse to lose somebody to these idiots!

Good, good. That's good.

That's... arguably better. It's like Elrean and Etzel are fiercely battling over who will become the tankiest magic user. I've nothing to say, keep at it. But get some more magic, please.

Speaking of Etzel. He crits this guy because of COURSE he would. Why would they leave anything for Athena?

Surprisingly enough, it is Leiden who actually leaves somebody alive for Athena to claim the experience. I'm actually really liking how Leiden's progressing. He's, like, my best unit. When I was in need of some laughing, he provided me hilarity. When I was in need of killing many enemies quickly, he critted them all. Now that I'm trying to go slowly and train Athena, he's actually holding back. You're a good unit, Leiden. Don't let any tier lists tell you otherwise.

Please, do get a lot of stats.

Nice! Pretty damn great.

Jeez, no! Not healing! We can't afford to!

Hah hah hah hah hah!

HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!

HAAAAW HAAAW HAAAAW HAAAAW HAAAW!

Now he's literally unstoppable!

But please, don't kill everyone. Let the others feel like they're slightly useful.

Good, these guys can't reach him. Now they'll have to go for Dolph.

See, you know somebody's awesome when you start to devise strategies to protect the enemy from them instead of the other way around.

Dolph, please. You can't even double this guy. And you'll never do with your growths!

A Mage dies at the hands of Matthis, but that's fine. He isn't the most valuable pile of walking experience around.

Oh maaaaaaan my flier got critteeeeeeeed by a Snipeeeeeer 3 whole damage! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWW!

1 HP. Best Jeigan.

Except fortify. Rrrrrgh.

More healing. Press on, everyone! We're getting closer to the shop!

I, quite literally, need nothing but staves. We've enough tomes to get to chapter 17, and by then, I'll have gotten another large bullion in chapter 16, one I won't have to spend so quickly because I don't need any more forges or drill grounding.

Yeah, for once, I got it all planned.

If you look real closely, you can see Leiden hanging out at the very edge of the Sniper's range.

Also, Robert's training commences. I hope to give him a few levels before the chapter is over.

Jesus Christ, Dolph would get killed by this random Knight if his 1% crit procced.

Equip this javelin, Dolph. I don't want you to accidentally crit and get a kill.

Commence operation MST (Matthis Slaughters Thieves)!

LOLph.jpg

This poor guy keeps desperately trying to shoot Matthis down.

Matthis retreats to the villages. I wouldn't want to trigger any unexpected reinforcements.

Pretzel finishes this guy off because I don't really have anything else to do. Dolph takes a chug from his vulnerary so he doesn't die to a crit.

Good. You didn't fail miserably this time.

You know, if this game had Thracia's capture system, I'd spare this fool's life. He's really trying.

Next Thief. Only one left, now.

Pretzel and Dolph bring the killer fool down to a single HP.

Hah! Look at that. Putting the bamboo sword to good use.

Oh god his skeleton is broken.

Back to the eastern front. I'm tired of the enemies being too scared to attack, so I bring the battle to them.

Castor opens the assault with flying colours.

Elrean follows suit.

Then Leiden does amazingly. Good work, good work.

Okay, this Sniper will now move and attack Leiden, and then I'll give Athena the k--

Uh... well... that was a bold move, I'll give you that.

Seriously, how the hell did Castor manage to always get average, three-stat level-ups and still be this great? I can't understand. I'll have to look his progress through carefully.

That guy should've given up a long time ago. He's never going to kill Matthis.

Last Thief is down. Operation MST is a complete success!

25 strength! He's a powerhouse! Oh, and he's guaranteed to cap HP. Whether he caps it before the level cap depends on the RNG with those +2 HP level-ups.

Here, Sniper. Have a target you can actually do any significant damage to.

Relieve yourself.

Then Dolph weakens-- noooo! C'mon! I don't want to give you levels!

Oh well. A few turns pass without much going on. As you can see in the last picture, Marth is heading east because I always forget that nobody has droppable keys for Est anywhere near her cell. Meanwhile, I send Dolph, Pretzel, Matthis and Robert up to block the forts before the reinforcements--

GAAAAAAAAH! Pretzel! This is exactly why I was blocking these forts. Matthis aside, this group gets pounded to the ground by the enemy.

Pretzel survives with one HP. Think about it. The Avatar, the infamous overpowered Mary Sue of this game, would've gotten one-rounded by a random Horseman had he not been standing on a fort.

I was expecting many things from this LP, but Matthis being the MVP and the Avatar, the worst unit of the team? That was certainly not it.

Sadly, I've no way to feed this kill to Robert without allowing another Horseman to spawn and finish Pretzel off.

We're on a timer here. Matthis can take on them all just fine, but... I'd rather save a few of them from killing themselves by fighting Matthis. The rest of the crew needs the experience more!

To that end, Feena gives him a boost. She's capped speed now. She just needs some more HP and she might become an actually decent frontliner. As in, I wouldn't be too scared of leaving her inside the range of the enemy.

Here you go, Yumina. Time to free Est. And also open the way to Aeible, which is ten times more useful.

By the power of the green mucus, I open thee!

Leiden doesn't die to a crit, which is why he's going to take the threshold. Also, Est gets the hell out.

Speaking of Est, she's been blue for the entire map, but without any weapons and nowhere to go, she might as well have been a green unit. Therefore, I'll consider her to have been "recruited" now. Which means, I can finally rip her apart!

Est is one of the worst units in the game. She, unlike guys like Dolph, Macellan, Tomas, fucking Sheema... has no use at all. She recruits noone (Abel can also be recruited by Marth), she has no weapons, and as a unit, she's repugnant. Her growths aren't even so great! Sure, 80s in s/s/s, that's awesome, but 60% HP growth? 30% defense growth? That's awful for a character with her terrible bases! Est is about as useless as the wolfguard and Midia. And all of those guys get one-rounded by everything in their starting maps. But, you know, at least the wolfguard scrubs give you a bunch of free silvers, and allow you not to LTC Hardin. Est is a bad unit on her own right, can't compete with anyone, and doesn't bring anything remotely interesting to the table to even warrant a spot in the bench.

Leiden and the General cripple eachother for life. Except Leiden will have recovered by the time the second door opens, while this guy will die shortly.

Marth hands over an armorslayer to Athena so she can kill the guy, while Etzel heals up Leiden.

This was a stupid risk, but I was tired. Also I made a save state and had she been killed, I wouldn't have told you.

Nah, but really, I was just impatient. Wearing him down with Dice would've taken just one more minute.

Healing, dancing, oh look no more reinforcements. Now I can make Matthis go out and kill the reinforcements.

Dice dodges these flies. Good, thank you. I won't have to heal you just yet.

Matthis will stand here and destroy anybody who tries their luck against him.

I always run out of things to say in these boring ass movement shots.

The first fool dies under Matthis' lance. A few of the Horsemen, terrified, decide to retreat.

Get out of here, Bishop. Your swarm tome is slightly annoying. But this? This is precious. A mend staff! And of course, I fucking send it to the convoy. And, no, I can't get it back, Marth's already on his way back to the villages.

For some reason, these two dumbasses decide it's a good idea to attack Castor. Leiden's right there!

Another idiot tries to attack Matthis. But there are more Thieves on their way!

Commence operation MST II!

See that stray Horseman in the last picture? I'll use Dolph to weaken him for Robert. Maybe I'll be able to give him this kill.

Leiden sends this guy's limbs flying and...

Whoa. You've come a long way, have you not Leiden?

More crits. You guys mind leaving a shred of experience for Athena, who actually needs it? No? Okay, fine, whatever you want.

Healing and-- C'mon! Why? This is uncalled for!

Slowly but surely, we're moving forward. Soon, we'll face Aeible.

What...?

WHAT!?

Since when do fucking Horsemen raid villages!? WHAT?! I'm not making this up, this really is what happened! I... has anyone ever seen this happen?

GAH! Why does nothing ever go as planned?

Arrrrrrghhhh!

(To be continued. I forgot to crop half the update, and it's getting late. Damned driving school, taking away my precious time. Tomorrow, the conclusion of this chapter and preparations of the next).

Reset count: 5 (Pretzel: 3 - Marth: 2)

Death count: Linde
                       Samto
                       Navarre
                       Arran
                       Norne
                       Roger
                       Cain
                       Wrys*
                       Frey
                       Cecille

*Retreated.

[I'm in over my head - A bad player's first Ironman Fire Emblem 12 run (and first let's play)!]

Leiden!

Unh. What?

Nothing, nothing, just thought of greeting you, a great friend.

...may I go now?

Do you not want to see today's update?

I'd rather not.

You can't exactly force him to stay, you know?

Bah, I'm sure I have better stats than him.

Please, children, stop fighting. We're allies.

That "ally" has led nine of his "allies" to their deaths!

I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that.

...sigh.

Part 25 - Sorry, but our Gotoh is in another castle.

Spoiler

Last time, we prepared for this chapter. Today, we beat it. But first, plot.

That's it for the plot. Amazing.

We got a new unit. Xane, the freelancer... which is a rather strange name for a character of this kind, but eeeehhhh who cares, I certainly do not.

Xane's a good unit, I suppose. Having two healers, two tanks, two swift fliers is nothing to sneeze at. However, Xane is not without weaknesses: his HP base is awful and if the unit he morphs to has more (pretty much guaranteed at this point of the game), he'll need healing. Also, he only has 5 turns, and if you don't dance for him, he'll spend the first turn unable to act, and most likely, one or two more turns catching up. Honestly, I don't really like him. I'd rather have another real unit before this guy, but in conjunction with Feena, he can be good.

First things first, Leiden fails at halving this guy's healthbar.

Thankfully, Feena's now useful thanks to her boots.

You know, this guy could be dead right now, Leiden.

Remember what I said about the glass bow being handy? Yeah, Matthis one-shots Shamen with it.

Elrean low-percent-crits this poor fool. Not that he needed the crit, seeing as how he doubled him.

Marth then retrieves a steel lance from the convoy, and hands it over to Xane.

And now we got TWO MATTHISES! Except this one will require a thousand heals in order not to die. Doggone it, Xane, we're starving when it comes to staves, we can't afford to heal 40 HP just like that!

Sigh and not just any heals, physic heals!

Formation time. Elrean's not what I'd call an invincible concrete wall despite his amazing defense for a Sage, but he will be able to take them on for a turn at least.

Enemy phase! Leiden gets attacked by this Dragon. He doesn't do much in return. Thank God the Thief won't be escaping any time soon.

Good, Elrean didn't crit this guy. Excellent.

Xane performs about as well as you'd expect Matthis to.

Also, this. This is pretty irrelevant.

This, however, is more interesting. Matthis destroys the Dark Mage who was foolish enough to try to cook him alive.

And Castor finally does something! How long has it been? And what a great level-up, too. Maybe I should stop neglecting him.

There goes the glass bow. It was useful while it lasted.

Hm. I don't like these odds. If Leiden misses one hit, I can kiss either the warp staff or Feena goodbye.

Awesome! And unironically this time! You did well, Leiden.

This is great too. You keep it up and you'll be forgiven for your terrible start.

And down goes the Thief.

This staff. They went friggin' overboard with this shit. 7 uses? Wow. I don't usually like to warpskip, not because I'm worried about losing a chapter's worth of experience, but because I simply find it boring. And if I remember correctly, one of the rules of the LP is that I am not allowed to warpskip. This'll be a little inconvenient, because there IS one chapter I always like to warpskip. But I'll worry about that when it becomes a problem.

You did well last turn, Castor. Have something else to do.

And it is time for Athena to commence her Dragon slaying! She'll be taking any easy kills I can set up for her.

Hahah, amazing! Absolutely awesome! Keep it up.

We fight these guys. Cecille crits the guy, leaving Etzel's hands free to heal somebody else.

Instead, Elrean heals Marth.

Great. Good work, Dice.

Bleh. Not so good. But you're still nice.

Etzel heals Xanetthis, and Yumina heals the real deal.

Oh, no. Not this again! This is giving me flashbacks, and not happy ones precisely!

Awesome but... Jesus Christ don't die Cecille.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAH YES YOU'RE THE BEST CECILLE.

Why did you have to kill it?

Yes! More avoid!

Ack... gulp...

More avoid... please please please...

Stop it! This isn't what I want! This is killing me!

Aaaaaaaaargh! Damnit!

Not this AGAAAAAAIN! GAAAH!

Marth just HAD to dodge this, didn't he? He just had to fuckin' mock me.

We need Leiden back ASAP.

This level is a piece of shit, Feena. HP! Defense!

Round'o'healing. I think we can finish these guys before the end of this turn. Cecille may have fallen, but she brought half the enemies down with her. I shall not let her sacrifice be in vain.

Level up well, Athena!

You've sidestepped some of the most important stats, but it's fine. Resistance!

Matthis gets more invincible. Wow. All the prepromoted Generals we'll be getting on a daily basis from now on are going to look even worse than they already did.

Another crit? Whoa. You're on a roll today, Castor.

And now he's even better!

Marth also gets a level-up. When was the last time?

Whatever the case, defense!

Yumina and Dice--

And, uh, Xane team up to kill the last of the Thieves. That's it for the first part of the map!

We prepare for the next one. Matthis and Dice will be drawing in the rest of the enemies. In retrospect, I probably should've used Leiden for that, but as you'll soon see, maybe it was for the best.

Matthis doubles these guys.

MATTHIS DOUBLES THESE GUYS.

AS A GENERAL.

He also feels the need to kill this one for himself. As you wish, Matthis.

There you go Athena. Another free kill for you!

Not bad, not bad. Not good either, but... sufficient. Could be worse. It has speed, at least.

Healing Leiden further, so he has a better chance to survive in the near future.

And here we go! The remaining enemies are coming for us.

Here you go, Castor. Some more experience. I don't think he'll be getting another level-up today, but he'll be close nonetheless.

Elrean hits D staves! When I can finally get my hands on some mend staves, I'll give him one.

Athena gets healed as well.

Aaaaaaand Leiden crits the guy I was setting up for her to death. Jesus, Leiden. I know I wanted you to improve, but this is overkill!

Still, maybe it was for the best.

After that, I realised that Athena, Dice and Etzel were the only ones available to kill a Dragon and a Shaman in one turn. If they're both alive when the enemy phase arrives, somebody will die. After much pondering, I decide to make Etzel heal Dice.

Yeah, that was the worst thing I could've done. Etzel was the only one who could reliably kill the Dragon, and then I could cover Feena with Athena. Did you expect anything better from the guy with a death count of 10?

And then Dice hits the Dark Mage critically and I win the map. Well. I don't think I deserved it, but it happened. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, and all that.

Of course, the guy goes after Dice. They're still obsessed with him.

I try to send Castor over to help, but he's too slow. Oh well. Leiden and Dice will set up this kill for Athena.

Like...

S-- God damnit! Leideeeeen!!!

...I've... nothing to say. No complaints, nope, keep at it.

There goes my mend staff. The next shop can't come soon enough.

Hitpoints.

This bad looking formation will suffice for what's left of the chapter.

And... at last! AT LAST! REJOICE! GOTOH IS HERE IN PERSON! FINALLY!

Finally, God fucking damnit. Can we go free Altea now?

Yeah, we did a better job than you, a centuries old dragon with the ability to teleport.

Hurray, +2 to all stats! Although, I liked to split the bonuses between the units that really need them better.

Marth don't you dare refuse the orb.

W-wh...

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!

He knows the Fire Emblem is the Binding Shield? That makes no fucking sense! I thought he'd been searching it for centuries, and yet here he comes, as if he knew it from the start. I can't understand this guy at all.

Yes, Marth, that is, indeed, what he just told you.

Awesome. He knew this could happen at any moment and he still decided to make us go hiking before giving us the damned orbs.

Sheesh. Senile old man.

The real Tiki! We won't be using her.

This is all very neat, but... How about you give me the orbs already so we can focus on preventing that from happening?

It's like a dream come true! I never thought I'd live to see this happen!

The starsphere is pretty awesome, but overall less useful than the starshards were, as they could fix the weaknesses of many units while this just gives an overkill bonus to a single unit. The lightsphere is more or less useless outside of Hardin.

And here come the reinforcements. Come to me, you walking piles of experience!

Matthis and Elrean begin the assault. Well, I don't think I could ever possibly set up an easier kill than that!

Matthis! C'mon! I love you, but I'd love you even more if you got good level-ups!

Yumina wears another guy down while Athena takes the easiest kill in history. It just occured to me that this is the first time Yumina's done anything other than healing in this chapter, as far as I can remember.

And Dice superfluously critically strikes this Dark Mage. He's hit the max level!

And what a way to do it, too. Maximum strength. The only way anybody's going to take the Hauteclere from this man's hands is over his dead body.

Etzel levels up as well, after some chipping.

Hahahahahahah. This man is amazing. Guess I'll bring along Pretzel for the support conversations, but otherwise... remember that time I said that staffbot was the only category in which nobody completely outclassed him? Well, that's mostly because you can never have too many healers. 'Cause really, look at this guy. He's amazing! Pretzel, you got a lot to learn!

Castor finishes this guy off...

And Leiden--

LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!

...once more... I've no objections.

Treasure. Not too bad. I never use this, but it's not bad by any means. Although, I prefered it in the GBA games where it was an axe that also reverted the weapon triangle.

Time to save Tiki from Gotoh.

Wellisimo, Marth. She's just slooooowly going insane.

She dreamt of murdering people. Jesus, poor girl. In the real world, I would never stay close to her, but here? There are more factors to take into account. Like the fact that her ENTIRE RACE is doomed to this unless we can save them.

You hear, Gotoh? TIKI'S, AND FOR THAT MATTER, YOUR RACE AS A WHOLE IS DOOMED TO BECOMING SERIAL KILLERS UNLESS WE HURRY THE FUCK UP AND GATHER THE ORBS!

Good thing Bantu was there to do what Gotoh couldn't be arsed to.

I know Gotoh was just scared of her becoming a monster and destroying everyone around her but... c'mon. There have to be symptoms of this crap. He could've let Bantu take care of her, and at the first signs of anything wrong going on inside her head...

Or, Marth! Damnit, send her over to Marth's place! Although, then again, she would've been captured by Hardin. Yeah, that probably wouldn't have ended well.

Woohoo! Tiki!

Tiki blows as a unit. She's miles better than the GBA Manaketes who had 50/30 uses and then became useless, though. If you get every single dragonstone available, she'll more or less be set for the entire game.

That said, her speed and HP are absolutely horrendous, and the divinestone is the only stone that allows her to be of any real use at base. The more common firestone makes her just a below average unit with really, really bad durability. And the other stones are even worse. Not worth your time, I believe. She isn't even effective against Medeus anymore!

Loot. The again staff is amazing, the talisman less so but still handy. And that's a wrap!

Gee, you think?

She's not alone. But I have to hand it to you, Gotoh, at least you're self-aware. Not that it makes your mug any less punchable. Open your damn eyes! You're not fooling anyone, in the NES and SNES you weren't blind! You're just...

...too lazy to open them! Yeah! You lazy, wasteful old bastard!

Oh, no need, we'll just treck all the way back, maybe lose two or three more people on the way there, and then surrender to Hardin because it'll be more exciting to fight with our necks under the executioner's axe.

Will you at least have the decency to come with us?! You're the original Athos! You could help us so much--

...

...

...

Oh, dear. I... I can't even...

I can't even think of anything. I swear, my first idea was to find a funny video and place it here, but... I couldn't find anything insulting enough.

You...

Unh.

UNHHHH! YOU HEAR ME? UNHHH!

CECILLE AND FREY ARE ROTTING IN YOUR DAMNED HIKING RESORT, AND THIS IS ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY?! "HURR DURR HAVE THESE ORBS, NOW I MUST GO INVESTIGATE!"

INVESTIGATE MY DAMN FIST, YOU DIMWIT! BASHI-BOUZOUK! SCOFFING BRAGGART! JOBBERNOWL! EGOIST WOODLICE! MACROCEPHALIC BABOON!

HYAAAARRRGH!

By the Goddess, calm down! He's nowhere near you, but I am!

All is forgiven, Rody! You don't have to die any longer! HE DESERVES IT MORE! RAAAAARGH!

On second thought... I think I'll just... let him...

I don't think that's such a wise idea.

...then why don't you go stop him?

Too much of a hassle.

I think I just peed my pants...

I'm sorry, what? I was too busy trying to murder you.

Huh. How strange. He's giving us some actually useful information.

That we would know if we spoke with Elrean.

Wait, you left those alive and free? No! Why is everyone so incompetent? I'm not claiming to be a genius myself (I think it's obvious I am not, by this point) but c'mon! Anyone with a quarter of a brain would've thought of at least apprehending them!

Yes, please, just go. I can't remember when's the next time we see you, but I sure fucking hope it's not soon.

No, I... that won't be necessary. We'll send Luke as a messenger, don't you worry.

Marth is... about as unimpressed as I am. Except I am far from unimpressed. I am fucking pissed, that's what I am.

Oh hey Pretzel. You hadn't showed your face in this chapter yet. I wish you hadn't at all.

Hate to break it to you, Pretzel, but you're my worst unit. You'd be benched if I didn't have to get you to level 5. And, let's face it, you'll probably be relegated to minor filler inmediately after 16x. You're only worth deploying for the conversations.

He does not need strength. He needs everything else!

Hahahah. Another good joke from the Magnificent Dragon Duo. But the quality worsens. And Gotoh's tomfoolery was infuriating already.

He's gonna buy it, is he not? Urrrrrkk. We got a weak, idealistic child for a protagonist, a useless idiot for a deuteragonist, a senile old fuck who seeks the destruction of the world for a friendly deity... meanwhile, Hardin's the only one who's shown any competence by actually attacking us with his elite troops early on. Sure, he failed, but that's only 'cause there wouldn't be much of a game otherwise.

Let that sink in. Hardin's the only competent person in this game. The main villain! Anna help us all!

And for the record, I don't hate this game's story as I may let on. But, really, upon closer inspection (I never paid as much attention to it as I'm doing in this LP, not even the first time through), you begin to realise how much stupidity is involved. They could've thought out a better excuse for this dragon story arc, dangit.

And as usual, I'll let you guys decide. Honestly, Pretzel would've picked yes. He's stupid enough for it. But who cares about what he thinks? It's up to you.

...Cecille... in the end, you did let a man kill you.

And, you know, I just realised, we never did find out what was that sound that scared her shitless... I wonder...

On 11/8/2017 at 2:16 AM, Rubenio said:

I do wonder what, exactly, she heard that spooked her so. I just hope I won't lose her before she can tell us what it was.

N...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IT'S MY FAULT SHE DIED! MORE THAN... it already... was... I'll go to sleep now.

Dishonorable reset count: 1 (Still wondering what I could do about this. Eh. Maybe I could just leave it as is. The shame might enough of a punishment).

Reset count: 5 (Pretzel: 3 - Marth: 2)

Death count: Linde
                       Samto
                       Navarre
                       Arran
                       Norne
                       Roger
                       Cain
                       Wrys*
                       Frey
                       Cecille

*Retreated.

 

[I'm in over my head - A bad player's first Ironman Fire Emblem 12 run (and first let's play)!]

Part 24 - The return of Vun Voman.

21 hours ago, deskita said:

Marth looks so unimpressed at being dragged into a battle just for the possibility of more allies at the end of the last update.

I would be unimpressed about Athena, too, if I didn't like her so much.

20 hours ago, KnightOfNohr said:

Athena? Vell, this will be interesting. It's kind of sad she was saddled with such poor availability when in SD she was pretty much the best Gaiden character.

Yeah, Etzel wasn't quite the best Druid in history yet. Etzel > Niime. Bite me.

Jokes aside, I think she and Horace should've been switched up. Athena's level is high enough for chapter 10x, but 13x is pushing it.

Spoiler

I've nothing to say about this title. It's a pretty good one.

Marth, you're overreacting. You can see everything around you up to two spaces away.

No, please don't Marth. You're more durable than Pretzel.

Not really. If you know what you're doing, it's pretty easy.

I will, Marth. Don't you worry. Nobody's dying here.

Free crap. Experience for Feena is fine, but other than that...

You know, I realise I said I don't usually bother with Dancers, but it seems this playthrough's going to be an exception. It helps that Feena is better than most Dancers, both in availability, stats and most importantly, movement. Maybe I'll give her the boots. A Dancer with 8 move would be a real asset. It's not like I ever even try to save turns by seizing as soon as possible, Marth doesn't need them.

Matthis will be Arran for this chapter. Look at those stats. Jesus.

He also takes the Libra, because at this point, his luck is lower than Elrean's.

Etzel takes the Capricorn. Now he'll be an even better healer.

Formation. It's not very important in this chapter, since it's so small, but it doesn't hurt to show it.

Also, good work there Mr. Ballista Man. You're a real expert at using the weather to your advantage.

Athena! There you are, at last!

Stupendous.

Oh look, it's Kleine. Hate to break it to you, not!Louise, but Marth wasn't even on his way here in the first place. My understanding is that Athena was fighting these idiots when we arrived. Had she not spotted you, you wouldn't have had the chance to shoot him dead at all!

Unless, of course, they were pretending to fight in order to lure Marth out. Then it's even worse, because that plan's just as bad as Roro's!

No... not really, no.

Blind and blissfully ignorant? We're not blissfully ignorant, we know you're there! Your plan has failed spectacularly!

All right, here we go. We got Athena!

Athena's definitely worse than she was in FE11. She's a bit like this game's Wallace, being amazing in the prologue but pretty bad once she rejoins. Unlike Wallace, though, she has more than 2 prologue chapters, and she's not quite as bad as Wallace. Her main problem is that she's really, really underleveled. Her durability, in particular, is pretty bad for this stage of the game: her defense is all right, but her HP is atrocious. She could use an angelic robe. If you do give it to her, she'll be usable, but average. Of course, Navarre is better only because of his availability, but his personality is unbearable, and he's dead, too, so... I think I'll try to use Athena.

We open the chapter with Matthis, who moves north to reveal these enemies. Then Dice fails to hit the Ballistician. Why am I even surprised.

Castor fares better. Look, an easy kill for Athena!

There we go.

As of the southern Ballistician, I simply let Elrean take him out. Easy peasy.

Enemy phase. Oof, that must've hurt.

Dice and Castor are attacked as well. I was really worried about Dice, but thankfully, nobody else came to finish him off.

A round of healing later, Etzel gets another good level-up. His magic might need some help, though. It's not as if Elrean and Yumina need the spirit dust, anyways.

Okay, Dice, this shouldn't be hard for you. Don't fail, please.

Hah! Excellent. Although, I'm still looking forward to the next secret book. That hitrate's pretty unreliable.

Athena can't kill this guy, so I just unleash the Matthis on him. Unlike Dice, Matthis doesn't need to hit.

And she runs down to heal. Elrean puts his staff to good use. He's our worst healer, but he gets the job done.

Leiden and Marth then team up to take this guy out. I was hoping Leiden would dodge, but alas, 'twas not to be. I don't think anybody can kill him anyways.

I thought well, as it turns out. This is all that happens in this enemy phase.

I let Athena drink some more of her vulnerary as she moves forward. The rest mirror her movements, save for the vulnerary part.

What kind of idiot would assault Matthis of all people? You can't do jack shit to him!

And now he's capped HP. Good lord.

He's been getting shit level-ups for a while now, and his growths are not nearly bad enough to excuse it, but you know what? His stats are so godly, I can forgive him.

See the error of your ways!

I'd rather you got another one of your prologue levels. Your luck's as bad as Matthis' right now, and that's like, Matthis' one minor weakness. At least you're more durable than Castor. I think.

Don't let her die, Elrean.

This kill belongs to Castor. Retrieve what is yours.

You're just the worst, Castor. The worst!

I guess it's up to Mr. Empty Levels, then.

For real though. For most people, nobody ever gets empty levels, unless it is someone like a pure Jeigan. Maybe one, if it's a game like FE6 where everybody has bad growth rates. I've gotten two and we aren't even half way through the game. And Cecille has a 75% speed growth! Leiden has a 70% HP growth! FE12 is renowned for it's high growth rates for 90% of the cast, and yet I've gotten 2 empty level-ups, not counting the ones Arran got!

But enough of that, we'll live, thanks to Matthis if nothing else. Marth begins to wear down the Ballistician. Or, well, that's what I intended him to do, but then he decided to crit the asshole. These guys give out some mean experience. I'd rather you didn't hog it, Marth. Although, I've been neglecting you pretty badly. Maybe this is for the best?

Nothing happened during the enemy phase, so I send Matthis ahead to scout the area. Nobody here just yet...

Meanwhile, Elrean heals Dice. He gets this underwhelming level-up. But it's fine. You're still great.

The Ballistician in the southeasternmost corner of the map goes for Matthis, who doesn't care in the slightest.

This guy also tries his luck against him. He fares even worse than the Ballistician.

In fact, Matthis doubled him. Let this sink in. A General doubled an axe-user to death WITH A FE12 JAVELIN.

Kleine too? Whoa, Matthis, it seems you drew in everyone left in the map.

Kleine does almost nothing to him, but at least she does something, unlike her colleagues.

The enemy phase is over. Damn! He'll have to use his javelin in melee range, 'cause that's the only weapon he doesn't outright kill her with!

Like so. And now...

It's about time you stopped pestering us.

You wish.

And so, she goes insane right before crumbling down and dying.

Only the Ballistician is left, but we can't kill him just yet.

Yeah, you have fun with Etzel. While you waste your time...

Marth grabs this! Matthis will now be truly invincible as a flier. If I make him fly again after this chapter, that 26 defense is absolutely amazing.

Athena hits this guy a couple times. She's doesn't get a level-up just yet, and won't today, because...

Leiden needs the experience more.

He's now ready to promote!

Yeah, let's do that, shall we?

Oh, you're still alive? Huh. How surprising.

"Old"? You're not old. Older than her, for sure, but not by that much!

Why are you worried about her? She's always treated you like--

Yeah, exactly! I demand answers!

W-what? Little? That makes no sense! You look 15 her portrait does, at least! She's 20 at the very least!

Ah, all right, she's not really her sister. But it still makes no sense. What, did she choose to be the little sister?

Ah, the good ol' Stockholm syndrome. So cute when it happens in fiction.

Does she really have to be a dick while her life is being saved? Although, considering Eremiah's record and the fact that this chick is basically her second-in-command, she probably knows she isn't making it out.

OH SNAPEH! Gharnef's this woman's boss! I would've never seen it coming!

Really though, if I remember correctly, they never explain how exactly he was revived!

I'm feeling deja vu, but whatever, it just begs the question. I'll have to ask Elrean, considering he sort of witnessed Gharnef's revival.

This isn't going to end well.

Predictably, she doesn't care at all. You know, Eremiah, you've two subordinates left. You can't exactly afford to let one of them die for no good reason. I know they want to make her out to be a stone-hearted psychopath, but c'mon, she's just being wasteful now.

You're going to regret this when the only one left alive to send after us turns out to be a doubtful, kind-hearted young girl who regrets everything she's done, has been openly opposing you for a while, and could very easily defect to the enemy.

What an idiot. You'll pay for that in time.

Yeah, but they made you live all this time in order for these scenes to happen.

I wouldn't, either. There's something about this particular edit that's weird to me... something about her hair looks off. Meh. Hell if I know.

Also the fact that she looks like a zombie, but meh, I still think my Arran edit was worse.

It would be really awkward if Kleine just died right now before Eine could make it back.

It still doesn't make sense, but I wouldn't want to jeopardize this touching moment.

And so, Kleine's suffering came to an end.

You know, I actually like the whole assassin subplot. Their interactions are interesting. They also used this chance to show the player how it is whenever he kills a generic boss. They could have families, you know?

I still don't regret killing Lang. That bachi-bouzouk probably was hated by his parents.

 

Since that update was so short, how about we get the plot and preparations for chapter 14 out of the way already?

+

Truly? A mystery revealed? Will we finally meet Gotoh and get some answers?

Not that we need him in the slightest. Xane already told us everything worth knowing.

Wait, I don't remember this.

Well, that's real nice to know, unnamed narrator, but... shouldn't Xane or Gotoh be the ones to tell us this?

Although, I think this is for the best. Gotoh would probably ask us to beat Papers, Please with 0 citations and sacrifice 5 phallic members in his name before even beginning to tell us anything.

The narrator, too, must've been too bewildered to think about how stupid this line is.

Okay, without further ado...

We now have a generic Paladin! He's worse than Cecille, but he's still fine. I do hope the quality of his levels improves, though.

Free crap. Y'know, right now I'd prefer a staff. Even the mediocre. We're running really low on those.

Dice! I think half the readers already forgot your name. And the other half didn't even know it to begin with!

Oh God, this guy can't talk either.

This guy's whole existance begins and ends with gambling. He's like Joshua but divided by a factor of 10.

You are such an airhead. He just told you the thing's rigged! Although, I suppose it is true that you aren't betting anything.

If you saw his stats, you'd know he has no reason to be confident.

He told you the thing's rigged in favour of heads and you still pick tails? Although, I suppose it doesn't matter in the long run.

For this, though, I have no excuses. What were you expecting? He just told you he's cheating! Why are you acting as if you were actually expecting to win?!

Yeah you did, but he's got short term amnesia.

Of course you don't, you had to pick between winning and losing, and you chose to lose.

At least he can say no to things, unlike Castor. You're still ever so slightly smarter than Castor.

Some time passed, so... more free things! These are truly useless. Ember's crap, and none of those characters are ever going to see the battlefield again.

I'm promoting Yumina right now. We could use her C staves, and I don't think she needs that one level.

Amazing. She's more powerful and lucky than Elrean, but less durable and fast, and of course her staff rank is way better. They're both great.

Inventory management. Wendell's officially ran out of staves.

Cecille becomes a Swordmaster. Capped skill right off the bat. How nice.

Some more inventory management.

And here comes the next round of statboosting! Etzel gets the spirit dust because it'll help him a lot with his staffbotting duties, Athena gets a robe and a drop that'll help her get back up to speed, Feena puts on another layer of footwear because high mov Dancers are hilarious, and Leiden hands out the Taurus because he doesn't need it anymore.

Formation. Leiden will be obtaining the warp staff while the rest move north into the fort.

Forgive me for how confusing this is. I was going back and fort between inventory management and other miscellaneous stuff. Matthis will make good use of the glass bow, and Beck hands over his silver bow to Castor. And I also forgot to make him put the cards back in the convoy. Not that it matters, I won't be buying dragonstones, but I need the silver card for staves next chapter.

Tomorrow, the chapter.

Dishonorable reset count: 1

Reset count: 5 (Pretzel: 3 - Marth: 2)

Death count: Linde
                       Samto
                       Navarre
                       Arran
                       Norne
                       Roger
                       Cain
                       Wrys*
                       Frey

*Retreated.

 

[I'm in over my head - A bad player's first Ironman Fire Emblem 12 run (and first let's play)!]

Leiden! My friend! Come here. I'm going to finish telling everyone how amazing you are.

No, I'd rather you just ignored me like everybody else.

Come, now. That is not true. We are all family. Do tell us, Ruben.

Yeah, we've been waiting all night! I personaly couldn't sleep at all!

...I could. In fact, I've forgotten where we were.

Okay okay, there we go.

Part 23 - Leiden best unit, part II.

Spoiler

Allow me to tell you the rest of this little story.

So after that spectacular streak of bad luck and failure, I left the game all day until nighttime. I also spent the entire day angry because of the damned heat, but I digress.

I then took the game back up. I was calm then. I retrieved my free bonuses. Leiden got exp! That's quite convenient.

Matthis critted this guy's ass. Not necessary, and after the reset Matthis no longer could one-shot him, so I had to waste the silver lance. But I thought "all right, the game wants to be assy, but I won't get mad".

I wore this guy down for Leiden again, and...

Once again, I had to convince myself not to get mad.

But it's fine, I thought to myself. I've units to spare. This foolish Dragon shall fall!

And then Leiden missed. Very well. By this point, the whole thing was starting to crawl out of "frustrating" territory, and into "so bad it's funny" terrain.

I had to dance for Pretzel so Leiden wouldn't get killed, and then made Cecille finish off the Dragon. Had that missed, I think I would've just quit the LP.

Random crap, random crap. This went more or less well.

Pretzel's level was... slightly better than last time's, but still subpar.

Cecille then got to level 20 once again. It was worse this time, but you know what? Fine. The game wanted to anger me, but I was determined to prevail.

This is how the turn ended. A bit of a sloppy formation, but eh, beggars can't be choosers.

We were attacked on both fronts.

And Matthis, too. He dodged one of the Wyverns. Not that it really mattered, Matthis would've never died, with or without that dodge.

He got a badder level-up than last time. But, fineee.

Cecille promoted into Paladin once again. She's got more skill than last time!

Elrean tried to kill this Shaman. Emphasis on "tried". He missed. The RNGoddess wanted me to lose, badly.

By this point, I was starting to crack a smile at all the crap the game was flinging at me and was going like "c'mon Leiden, miss. Miss, please! I beg you!". Of course, only then he finally hit.

And then he got this piece of shit and I laughed my ass off. Still ironically. I had a shred of hope left in me.

Yumina attempted to finish what Elrean started. Somehow, she succeeded. I was dumbstruck.

I was forced to drop a Matthis nuke on this Ice Clan. Matthis utterly destroyed him, but not before hitting him normally and taking an axe to the face.

And so, only one Barbarian was left alive.

A barbarian Etzel unexpectedly destroyed, just so I wouldn't be able to feed Marth the kill.

But, it's fine, I said. This will give him a level-up.

Astounding! I regained some hope here. Perhaps not all is lost yet, I reasoned.

Castor and Dice once again remind me of that time they failed to do this, resulting in Wrys' supernatural experience.

But, hey, he got a good level-up, so I was happy.

I once again opened these chests. Here, have the thief staff effect. It's... not very interesting, and unless the staffbot in question is right next to the chest, you'll never see it properly.

Speaking of staves, Etzel did some staffing. Matthis is now ready to kill the second Thief.

Cecille began her Paladin career by, guess what, missing this guy! Amazeballs.

And then, guess what! Yumina decided she deserved the experience more than Leiden!

Honestly, I had to agree.

But I still wanted to train the guy. I wanted a forgettable Knight in the team, no matter how many crappy level-ups he got. And besides, it was just the first level-up. The next, I told myself, would be awesome.

Matthis predictably fullfilled his mission successfully.

Then we were assaulted by these fools.

We retreated to fight the Dragons in peace. They made a huge mistake by crossing the river!

Castor and Cecille wore the Dragon down, and...

Leiden finished it off. He was now close to leveling up.

I am not sure how, exactly, this worked. Or ever works, at that. It was an Ice Dragon! How, exactly, did getting frozen hurt it?!

Catching sight of an opportunity for Leiden to get his next level-up, I give him a free dance from Feena. Feena got a sucky level, but hey, it had HP!

"C'mon, Leiden, redeem yourself!", I said.

My literal reaction:

And then I went on to spend the rest of the whole fucking chapter gleefully laughing.

That's how I turned your bad day into a good day? By getting an empty level?

Hah hah! It was hilarious.

I beg to differ.

Booooooooooooooooooring. No cute girls in this story!

That's a good looking jacket, my friend. You need to tell me where you got it.

I-- urk! I'm off. Goodbye!

All right, Leiden. Be sure to get some more empty level-ups while you're at it!

Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh!

...

And that was the story! Back to the present now. Or, well, the past-I-narrate-in-present-tense-like-I-usually-do-for-no-particular-reason.

Etzel finishes this guy off. He's the only one in need of healing this turn, so his own staves are not needed.

Hoh hoh hoh hoh. Look at him! 1 damage from Bolganone. I wish we got a Bolganone tome at some point. We got the strongest thunder and the strongest wind but not the strongest fire?

Well, I mean, technically we do get it, but Elice is recruited so, so very late into the game, it doesn't matter at all.

Hah. I love you, man. Have some experience.

No really, I did literally spend the remainder of the chapter laughing.

Healing and looting. And now, it's the off-screen walking part of the chapter again.

Hahahahah. Good work Leiden! That miss was magnificent.

Again! I wanna see that again.

D'aww.

D'AWWWWWWW!! This is a good level-up! C'mon! I was expecting you to get, I don't know, -1 speed or something.

This time, I do think of just making Beck take the cards from the convoy directly.

Matthis jeigans this guy for Leiden. But he still needs the dragonpike. One more damage should do it.

The only one who doesn't kill the dragon at this point is Cecille with a javelin. And she does anyway.

This chapter went so horribly wrong. I love it.

HAHAHAH! EXCELLENT! AMAZING! MAGNANIMOUS! MARVELOUS! BILLIONS OF BLISTERING BLUE BARNACLES, WHAT A TEAM!

WHAT A TEAM! WE COULD TAKE ON MEDEUS RIGHT NOW!

Feena gets one of the best levels I've seen in a while. This is so sad.

This time, I buy all the shaver tomes. We've just enough cash, and with the bullion we'll be getting next chapter, we don't need to save it.

Cecille crits this asshole I was saving for, who else, Leiden. There seems to be a pattern here. Cecille jeigans for Leiden, Cecille crits, Leiden gets nothing at all.

Anyway, we're back here. I finally notice, after three or four playthroughs, that there's a path to the lower bridge without circling all the way through the eastern side of the map and crossing the river. Knowing this, I send Elrean over to help. Having another unit that can reach the enemy in one turn (and one of Elrean's fighting prowess, at that) will certainly contribute towards increasing the chances of this attempt coming to a happier conclusion than the last one.

Awesome! For the first time in this godforsaken chapter, the RNG rolls my way.

More speed? Don't mind if I do! You never disappoint, Elrean.

Matthis helps his fellow redheaded Cavalier kill this Dragon. This is giving me flashbacks.

Hahah. Incredible. This one isn't as craptastically gleeful as your 17th level-up, but it's still goodbad. You are the Tommy Wiseau of this team.

Cecille kills one of the Shamen. Just for the experience, at this point we've already won.

Stats you need very much. Good work, Cecille.

Leiden defeats the remaining Dark Mage for the same purpose as Cecille. He doesn't reach 100 experience, sadly. He'll have to wait 'til next chapter.

And at last, we're out of here! A chapter that began well, ended badly, started over badly, and then truly ended well.

(Gah, that was hard to type. Hopefully it won't be so hard to read)

And no deaths today! That makes me even happier.

It looks like Xane tried to emulate Marth's unimpressed gaze. Marth showed him up, and he was forced to close his eyes in shame.

Of course. Lord Gotoh Inconvenience the Pompous was just worried about our health. Yeah, sure.

If he was concerned in the slightest about our well-being, we wouldn't be here!

Tutorial on orbs right before we get the first two. Thank you, Xane. May we proceed?

I have several questions that can be summed up with this one: how does a legendary shield carefully crafted by a goddess just up and break?

Gotoh is even dumber than I thought he was! No, jokes aside, he's been searching for the Shield of Seals for centuries and he never even considered the posibility of the Fire Emblem, a shield-shaped amulet, being the actual shield? God damnit Gotoh. You're the worst.

Fucking Dahl. I'm so glad to have killed him back in chapter 7.

We've got all the pieces, don't you worry. So that's two out of five. Not too shabby, considering we weren't even looking for them.

How inconvenient that we had the Geosphere when we lost everything to Hardin. But didn't Gotoh know about this? Shouldn't he have kept the Geosphere, as it would've been safer in his possesion?

Although, knowing how much of a bumbling idiot he is, we probably did a better job at protecting it than he would've ever done.

Yey, he's finally a unit. Or, well, he'll be in a couple chapters.

But before that...

Not that anybody expected anything else. This series is all about going from fight to fight.

Not old, no.

There is an ally, Pretzel. You know her well, too! Next time, we go see Athena again.

Dishonorable reset count: 1

Reset count: 5 (Pretzel: 3 - Marth: 2)

Death count: Linde
                       Samto
                       Navarre
                       Arran
                       Norne
                       Roger
                       Cain
                       Wrys*
                       Frey

*Retreated.

 

[I'm in over my head - A bad player's first Ironman Fire Emblem 12 run (and first let's play)!]

...

...

...pffft.... pff... pffheh...

No...

PFAHAHAH... HAHAHAHAH! HAH HAH HAH! HAAAAAH HAAAH HAAAH!

What have I done to deserve this?

Oh, good evening. Sir Leiden, is it?

...why is Ruben going nuts overthere?

Don't--

Ahah... hah... hold on, hold on, I'll tell you. Ahh. Suffice to say that it involves Leiden here.

Why me...

...how peculiar.

Part 22 - Leiden best unit, part I.

Remember how I said I'd had a shitty day and I wouldn't post today? Yeah... you see, Leiden singlehandedly turned that around. You'll see.

Or well, you would see if I hadn't told you all not to look at this thread today. Oh well. I was still in a damn bad mood back then. No point in crying over spilled milk.

21 hours ago, KnightOfNohr said:

Actually, "all right" is the only word that rule applies to (as far as I know). "All ready" means something entirely different from "already" and "all though" isn't even a phrase.

On a side note...

R. I. P. Frey. You only live twice.

That's good to know. Thank you.

My theory is that Frey was secretly a cat Laguz (and therefore had 7 lives) who was killed in the shores of Tellius. Then the waves brought him to Archanea, where he served under Marth until the whole bussiness with Jiol. And then, in the prologue, he was killed 5 times, hence why he only had one life left by FE12. A life I wasted by being an idiot.

Spoiler

With every chapter, my hatred for Gotoh steadily increases. I'm going to end up playing through FE11 just so I can kill him.

I wish he was playable here. I could feed him to Medeus. His name would be right on top of the death list. Italic, bold, underline, size 72, etc., etc.

Thankfully, this isn't FE7. There isn't an arbitrary snow-equals-desert mechanic that sucks ass and serves no purpose whatsoever.

Yeah, Elrean and Dice in particular. Also a certain redheaded Archer, but we don't talk about her.

Oh look, it's a Jagen judgement! Most people are pretty much bound to get the worst option for this one every time, considering the Avatar has the best availability of any unit in the game. An ordinary MU will never, ever need the drill grounds.

I don't need a tutorial on the drill grounds this far into the game, Jagen!

This is Leiden's inventory. As you can see, he's taken Frey's kit.

Speaking of whom (Leiden, not Frey), I think it's about time I say a few words about the good Knights!

I shall begin with Belf, as he's their leader of sorts. Belf is not very good. His speed base is bad, and his growth won't help his case very much. He doesn't have amazing strength, defense or really anything else to make up for that, either. He's salvageable, I guess, but his below-average speed will drag him down.

Robert is even worse. His bases are worse than Belf's in every way except for speed, and his growths, while pretty good, aren't really worth the trouble. He's just Jake with slightly better bases and slightly worse growths. Not useful in the slightest at base, but I suppose he can become good if you give him a bunch of levels.

Now, seeing how similar he looks to his colleagues, one'd think Leiden's just as bad statistically. Wrong. For one, his bases are way better, losing a little in strength to Belf, but being better than or practically equal to him in everything else. His growths, too, are quite great, with all his offensive stats over 50%. He isn't as good as the christmas Cavaliers, Frey or Cain (mainly because of his inferior availability), but if you need a replacement, Leiden does the job perfectly (in this difficulty at least), joining with good stats, an adequate level for this stage of the game, and growths that'll allow him to grow into something good.

With that out of the way, let us--

Elrean! Our best Mage is here to speak the truth!

I wonder how this would've played out if Merric was dead. Probably the same, considering Feena didn't give a flying fuck about Navarre being rotting back at the Fane of Raman forest as she insulted his appearance.

Hah. I couldn't have said it better myself.

Jesus, he just keeps on roasting the fool. I'm not complaining though, keep going, I beg you!

Yeah, he's humble 'cause humbleness is an admirable trait and the player's self-insert must be awesome in every single way. Besides, everybody else's got him covered in the praise department.

Well, except for Elrean because he's the best Mage ever.

I know the writers intended me to be on Pretzel's side here, but I can't help but root for Elrean. Anybody else agree?

That was excellent. Time to--

Etzel! I'd tell you that guy's your son but you'd be disappointed.

Nah, no need to. You'd be bored. It's always the same, Jagen expositions, Marth asks Pretzel for advice instead of Jagen who's his actual tactician, and Pretzel does nothing of interest and is praised for it.

Not exactly...

Let us keep a minute of silence now.

...

Pretzel! You're so stupid! We were only 12 seconds in!

Hey, if it helps you to keep rendering Wendell irrelevant...

Okay, enough of that. We need to--

Castor! I hope you have improved your lying skills further since the last time.

Hahaha indeed, my friend. I see you are still spectacularly pathetic.

Not too bad. But you've still a long, hard way ahead of you.

Okay, Castor! Now, respectfully decline and slowly le--

No! Why, you idiot?

See what you've done now? No gold, no rest. And the award for the worst con man goes to...

...Castor! He's even commited the greatest mistake you can make in Castor's bussiness: being honest.

Oh, dear.

Don't you worry Castor. If it comes to that, you are way stronger than Pretzel. Even though he's promoted. In fact, I think you double him. Just hope he doesn't crit you with sleet...

Ergh. Pfhahah. I just can hear his dissonant, meek voice as he sweats bullets. They did an amazing job making his portrait look absolutely pitiable.

"Rather complicated"? Understatement of the year. Not of the century though. That honour belongs to Marth's "that's good to know" upon learning of Michalis' survival.

Matthis, too? Dangit! Still, for you, I'll endure.

Hah hah hah hah! So brutally honest. I love this guy.

Right you are. For instance, I can't beat a chapter without messing up at some point.

...what...? You already have! It's like comparing Seth to Amelia!

I don't like where this is going.

No! I disagree! Stop! Halt! She'll die irremediably! Cease this tomfoolery at once!

You don't know what you're doing to yourself and Lena, Matthis.

Hahahah. Still, I can't say I don't agree with his mindset. Even a guy with Matthis' tremendous power needs a rest, amirite? Let Pretzel do the dirty work. And if he attempts to resist, well, I think you destroy him with just one strike of your silver lance.

Speaking of powerful people...

Elrean can now heal. Although that isn't what he'll be doing most of the time. We've got Etzel and Pretzel for that.

Nah, Elrean's main function will be to kick ass. Look at that. He's more durable than Etzel as a Sage. Etzel does have C staves though.

Still, it's always good to have an extra healer.

Those statboosters are too dusty. Let's put them to good use! Now Cecille has more or less the same stats as Frey.

Etzel takes one of our speedwings because I'm tired of fearing for his life. He's great, but his meh bases need a little help.

I recorded up to this point on the same day I played chapter 12. Today, I retrieved this free stuff. It's all very useless, although I do appreciate Elrean's bonus. I'm already looking forward to his next verbal beatdown.

I give Cecille this master seal. She won't promote right now, but she will later on. I want her to do it as soon as she's ready.

And here's today's formation. I would later find out the hard way that it's awful.

I don't hate Xane's guts as much as Gotoh's because at least he doesn't have the power to teleport as far as I know. But still. He talks weird. Fuck him.

Are you serious? Nah, that can't be it. When we arrive, a generic Manakete will be waiting to tell us "sorry, but the Lord Gotoh is in another castle!", and we'll have to climb, I don't know, mount Everest on one foot. Only then we'll be worthy of the Lightsphere.

Yeah, indeed. Why can't you use dragonstones, Xane? It would make you even better.

...and? That doesn't change anything! If I give you another dragonstone, you should be able to use it. I call bullshit on you, Xane! You're lying!

Oh. Well. That's... nice, I guess?

Sympathizing with the bad guy? I don't know, Medeus was pretty clearly evil.

Then again, there's more to evil and good than that, but this is fiction. We're supposed to root for Marth. Stop trying to make me root for not-Marth, Xane!

It sounds very much like us, yeah.

You know, this is starting to make us look worse than the Manaketes.

But didn't you just say you hate humans? Wouldn't you root for your own kin, then?

A compliment that isn't directed at Pretzel? How positively rare. Let's enjoy it while we can.

Well I mean, he did just call him a more uncouth version of Elice's "weak, idealistic child", but hey! It's in an affectionate way.

Yeah, thank you. You know what, even though you're a friend of Gotoh and can't speak to save your life, you're all right.

Very well! Time to move up! Matthis gets a barrier. He's got an important mission.

That mission consists of killing the Thieves before they can escape and force me to LTC Beck.

No crits, but that is fine.

I wanted to give this kill to Leiden. Just you wait. You probably won't find it as funny as I did, but fuck it, I need to tell you. That's why you're here anyway, right? To read my ramblings and watch me lose people like a fool.

A trade chain later, Cecille is all barriered up now.

She'll survive the Shaman and the tomahawk Barbarian if needed be.

Yumina will stand here and bait the Ice Dragon over.

Good, good. That went well. I mean, it could've been better, but she'll live thanks to the barrier.

Hah! The Shaman went for Castor? Even though he would die for sure? And there's nobody else to finish him off afterwards? Well, you do you I guess.

Yumina gets absolutely wrecked by the Dragon, but knocks a third of his health off in return.

Look, an example of my deficient screencapping skills! Damned Wyverns. Good thing Matthis is ready to take them on. The western pair will take at least 4 turns to reach us, so I think we're pretty safe right now.

Healing.

It's uh... just about as profitable as one'd expect from Pretzel.

Cecille and Leiden then team up to kill the tomahawk Barbarian. Leiden finishes him off in an unnecessarily critty fashion.

Not very good, but it's an start! Also this isn't the reason he singlehandedly turned my shitty day into a good one. Naaah but you'll see, later.

Healing, and Etzel gets an absolutely awesome level-up. Top tier, right here.

Once the enemy phase begins, Pretzel is attacked by the Dragon. He wears him out some more. I do believe Leiden can now finish him off with the dragonpike.

These two idiots suicide themselves on Matthis.

Matthis proceeds to profit from their deaths. With flying colours.

These guys are on approach. But I'm pretty sure we'll be able to handle them.

Good, that's it for the Dragon. Now we only need to kill the other three fools and we'll be ready to face the Wyverns. The question is, can we kill the other three fools in one turn?

Castor and Dice--

Ahem, before we do that, let's check in on Cecille.

Good work, Cecille. You're one step closer to promoting.

Okay, Yumina finishes what Castor started.

Pretzel's resistance makes him one of our best magic tanks now that Wrys is gone. Although, he can't compare to his dad.

And that'll be another level-up for Leiden.

Awesome! You're in the team.

Matthis returns and the next turn, he kills the Thief just before he robs that chest.

Yet another kill for Leiden. I want him up to speed as soon as humanly possible.

Then Yumina decides she needs the experience more than anybody else. She's the princess of Grust, after all!

Meeeeeeeeeeeh. That's bad, but you've gotten so many good level-ups I can forgive you.

Marth begins to move to the eastern chest in order to open it and claim its contents.

While he does that, Matthis takes a pounding. Good thing I barriered him up, eh? Although I think he would've just barely survived even if I didn't.

Still, he won't survive another turn.

Pull back!

Leiden will take the enemy on his own. He'll live, I made very sure of it.

Like so.

Elrean doubles these guys. He's as awesome as his opinion of Pretzel would imply. That means a lot.

Another Dragon bites the dust.

Eh. That's bad, but after your last level-up, I can forgive you. I guess. Don't let this happen again, Leiden.

Matthis goes in and wears this guy down. Or, well, that's what I had in mind, but then Matthis decided to use his seahorse face to obliterate the Dragon. Bah. Retreat, I don't want you to destroy those three jackasses too.

Great, but defense is more important to you than strength.

Marth has finally reached the chest. Another dragonpike? Don't mind if I do!

We also open this chest with the thief staff. Mostly because I always forget it is accessible from the northern part of the map.

Hm. This spirit dust isn't as obvious as the last one. Maybe Etzel. Not sure. I'll have to think it over.

Now, we wait these guys out. They'll be dead before they know it.

Castor humilliates this guy by side-stepping his attack. Leiden doesn't do quite as well, but still kills his respective Shaman.

And then Yumina and Cecille tag team to kill this guy. No levels yet, but soon™. Like the reason for the part's title. Soon™.

With that out of the way, Marth crosses the river to take this wyrmslayer.

And we move up! I place Matthis here to jeigan the next Dragon.

Good work, Matthis. I thank you for not destroying this guy.

Cecille will use the experience better.

Yeah! Defense! Astounding!

No time to waste.

She's slower than Matthis, but he does have a huge level advantage on her. In time, she'll surpass him in a couple of areas.

Also Pretzel gets this absolutely horrible level-up. Nothing out of the ordinary to see here, moving on.

And we finally get to Beck! I wouldn't be so shocked, Marth, considering we met Darros and three fashion masters in the middle of a volcano.

Yeah... you... certainly look and sound very honest.

How does one just land up here? He was just sitting there! How is he alive!? For how long has he been here?! At least Jake had a pretty good reason to be where he was!

That bored look in his face. I like this guy's appearance.

Beck's basically Robert but with slightly different growths and bases. He does have much better weapon ranks, which, in my opinion, gives him a bit of an edge over the Sabre Knight. He can be a better Jeorge if you want him to. He's worth recruiting just for his inventory: A levin sword and a silver bow. And since Marth is the one required to talk to him, why not?

I am a retard and didn't think of just making Beck retrieve the cards from the convoy, so instead I make Marth engage in some weird trading shenanigans. This isn't very relevant, but it's still worth mentioning because the pictures exist and I WILL use them.

Cecille will begin her Paladin career by jeiganing that dragon overthere in the corner of the screenshot for Leiden.

Shopping time! We buy 3 physics and 2 shavers.

This serves no purpose aside from getting Feena this level-up. It has HP, so it's good.

I do believe I intended to kill this guy with Leiden but... I suppose Yumina's fine, too!

Eh. Not the most spectacular way to end your leveling, but you're still amazing.

This is the worst part of the map: spend more than one turn around the castle, and a thousand Dragons and Wyverns will spawn and kill Beck, your healers, and perhaps Marth while at it. From that position, though, Marth can seize in one turn, provided we can clear the way beforehand.

Like so. Only the boss is left.

Pretty good. You're not bad, Leiden. At the very least, you are more durable than Frey.

We haven't reached the good stuff about this guy yet. But we will, soon. Don't you worry your pretty little heads.

Matthis misses his second strike. That's fine. We can still do it.

Nice. I love these +2 level-ups.

Also, level 10? Already? He's caught up to Etzel! That's how much I've been using him. Even if you die, Matthis, you'll be remembered as the best man this army has ever had, and ever will.

I considered Leiden for this, but his hitrate was too shoddy.

What? No! No! No no no no! That's the worst that could've happened!

I make Etzel heal her, but... I fear for the future. A lot.

Motherfucker! Why?! Why did it all have to go south at the very last fucking minute?!?!?!

DAMNIIIIIIIIT!

I don't forgive you, neither do I forgive your useless friends! God damnit!

Shut up, wench! You aren't even here! And I'm glad you aren't, because you're USELESS!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(To be continued. And before you ask, yeah, the whole bussiness with Leiden will take place tomorrow. So now you're obliged to come! Am I doing this whole cliffhanger thingy right? It works for countless videogame corporations, I don't know why it wouldn't work for me).

Dishonorable reset count: 1

Reset count: 5 (Pretzel: 3 - Marth: 2)

Death count: Linde
                       Samto
                       Navarre
                       Arran
                       Norne
                       Roger
                       Cain
                       Wrys*
                       Frey

*Retreated.

 

[I'm in over my head - A bad player's first Ironman Fire Emblem 12 run (and first let's play)!]

No update today, sorry guys. I've had a shitty day and the least I need right now is to sit here and write for three hours. Tomorrow morning, perhaps.

[I'm in over my head - A bad player's first Ironman Fire Emblem 12 run (and first let's play)!]

16 hours ago, Franp3 said:

On 17/8/2017 at 4:43 PM, Rubenio said:

*Retreated.

Denial.

Bah. YOU are in denial, if anything! Wrys is right here! Right, Wrys?

You should accept the truth, my friend. I am not here. I was never here. None of us even exist.

B-but...

You must let go, my friend.

But then... who'll plant Yumina's bush repeatedly?

There is no bush.

...

!!! Where...

Overhere. We need to get going. Those mountains behind me aren't going to climb themselves.

...how does he do this stuff?

I don't exist? Why would he say that?

Ah, I agree with him there. You'll stop existing soon.

Sure. Like the other thirty times you've told me that.

I'm just waiting for the best moment to do it. It'll come, in time. You can take my word for it.

...

Part 21 - In which I prove the Sages and Franp3 wrong.

I used to be adapting to updating in the morning, then I took a family reunion to the knee...

Also, it is LP canon that Wrys has superpowerful metamorphic hair that allows him to beat even death. It's MY Let's Play, MY story, MY rules, and that's final. HMPH!

 

16 hours ago, Franp3 said:

Hes going to die next chapter. Called it.

Hah. Just you wait...

Spoiler

According to my favourite Nohrian Knight, it is. Let's listen to him, as usual.

He's not worthy of Sirius' mask, anyway. And I don't even like Sirius!

Still, I've found a use for Pretzel, so I can't complain.

Gotoh is the biggest asshole in history of this universe's mankind. Is this like Death Note? Was he just bored? Because this is simply disproportionate.

It would be sort of fine if we were anybody else, but Gotoh already knows Marth is a good man! He watched his actions last war! WHY DOES HE HAVE MAKE US WASTE SO MUCH TIME?! THE END OF THE WORLD COULD ARRIVE ANY MOMENT NOW!

And yes, I know I already said this. It just begs repeating.

What if Marth tripped and fell into the lava? Gotoh would be responsible for the end of the world.

And that's the plot. How convenient. Learn, Gotoh.

Free stuff. Another sleet's fine, we're running low in tomes; I also appreciate the coffee thermos, and Tomas' bow.

Hah hah. Just joking. If anything, it's Gordin's bow. Tomas is amazing.

Also, the game does not formal writing. Eh. It's all right. Although, I do believe "all right" sounds a tad better compared to it's shorter version than "all though" and "all ready".

Okay, conversations.

Aw, he cares about her.

We've a metric fuckton of reclassing to do today. The Cavaliers get back on their horses,  Dice goes back to his original class, and Etzel... I was going to reclass Etzel to Bishop now that we lost our staffbot, but it seems he reached C last chapter. I knew you could be trusted, Etzel.

Also, Elrean

Wait, Pretzel?

I've decided Pretzel will be our new Wrys. Look at that shit, his stats are almost the same! He does have a lot more HP and a lot less res, which will probably make him harder to kill. He'll provide some mad chip thanks to his A tome rank while acting as a backup staffbot to Etzel. Hopefully he'll reach C staves soon. This is also the only class in which nobody else outclasses him so badly it's not worth it to deploy him.

There we go. Secondary staffbot ahoy!

Statboosting and Starshards. I do believe Cecille also got Cancer.

At the last minute, I remembered to make Jake give back his cards. I always forget to do this. Except it's usually in chapter 11 which doesn't have anything as awesome as the 3 physics.

And now Elrean is a Dark Mage. Look at that defense. Hahahahah I love this guy.

This reminds me of something...

Meanwhile, in FE6 chapter 24...

Whooooooooooa! I'm burning up!

...must be my imagination. Shoutout to vilkacis from SA. I borrowed this from his awesome LP.

Along with a bunch of uncivilized brutes and Darros, who's practically the same.

I'd ask you to elaborate, but you're Gotoh's friend of sorts. You're almost as tedious as he is.

Did I mix up the screencaps? This line is really weird. You want to know more, Marth? How about you begin by not interrupting the guy?

Lore! I hate these parts. It's hard to comment them.

Oh dear. Xenophobia probably severely hampered that plan. That's probably why there are so many stupid Dragons in this place and all the others on the way to Gotoh.

No, but seriously, if this place is so hot and inhospitable, why are there Barbarians living here?

I don't think "princey" likes that you call him "princey" very much. He's the king now, you know? It seems like nobody knows! Not even his closest allies!

Maybe I'm wrong... but that makes no sense, I'm certain Cornelius was the King of Altea.

Whatever, time to go. Pretty simple beginning.

Good, good. Not too shabby, although neither of you dodged. That's... not too good, considering we only have two healers and a Dancer.

Matthis, help us out with the Wyverns. He does so, and caps speed. Blistering barnacles, he never ceases to amaze me.

This Dragon gets obliterated by Frey. I'm glad I bought an extra pike. We'll be needing it.

Dice's hitrate is shaky even after he read the secret book. I hope he gets some more skill, soon.

Although, he is using a hand axe after all. These suck so hard, even more so than the javelin.

And with some chipping from Pretzel, Castor kills him. We've a problem now, though, a big one. There's a Barbarian on his way, as well as two Wyverns.

Pretzel provides some healing to Elrean, but we're still in deep shit.

Okay, he's dead now, but Elrean is badly wounded, and Yumina is in range of both Wyverns. I did make Cecille help her equip nosferatu, but... I'm honestly hoping they go for Marth. I'd rather reset.

Ghhhhhhh that was so close. So, so very close.

Marth gets a kill. Good level-up, although I'd like it better if you got some defense.

This happens as well. Soon, he won't need the Libra.

Healing.jpg and Healing2.jpg

And now, as I expected, we're surrounded.

We barrier up. I don't want anybody to die to the levin Swordmaster.

For the same purpose, I move Matthis up to attack him. He gets hit in return, but it's fine, he won't die even if he is hit critically once.

Good work, you two. This'll let Etzel and Pretzel do something other than healing this turn.

See, this is what I had in mind when I gave MU that name.

Oh. Salutations, Darros.

Well done, Pretzel. I like you a lot better now that you can heal.

Wow. He gets doubled by DARROS?!?!? For the love of--

Nice dodge. Although, what else could've happened? It's Matthis. He's invincible.

This also happens. You fool, do you want to die?

Okay, player phase. How weird, I can't recall Elrean critting this guy. Eh, I guess it happened.

This, too. You're great, Frey, even if you're not as fantastic as Matthis.

You've done enough to annoy us. Time to guilt-trap Darros!

Darros has one dishonorable reset. Maybe he tripped and fell to the lava on his first day. He was too tired.

Cool. Now we have another pirate slot.

Darros is a decent prepromote, certainly better than the crap this game hands to you on a daily basis. 18 strength is nothing to sneeze at, his durability is okay and his growths are good. His speed base is a little awkward, but 15 speed as a Berserker will at least prevent him from being doubled. Very decent, I like him better than Jake.

Let's keep going. Matthis finishes this guy off.

I'm a tad worried about him, though. Just a little. I'm not taking any risks, though. Not with my MVP.

Pretzel heals himself because his dad has more important things to do.

And that's it. I made a mistake. See if you can catch it. I won't give you anything if you can find it, but you'll feel a little better about yourself, I suppose.

Yeah... I made Cecille unequip her wyvernslayer but forgot to change Frey's dragonpike.

And of course, the devil axe didn't backfire now that I needed it to.

Still, I'm not worried. It's Frey. He probably isn't dead. He survived dying before!

Yeah, luck be with you, Marth. You can stop fooling around now, Frey.

...

...Frey...?

FREY?!

NOT YOU! I'M SUCH AN IDIOT!

I'm so sorry...

I missed the battle that lead to this. But it happened, most certainly. 47 HP, wow.

Well, Franp...

It seems you were almost right. Had I not physic'd him, Matthis would've died right here.

We can no longer ignore these guys. Time to put them out of their misery.

I don't want to deal with this Dragon. Perish!

Even more strength and HP for the pile.

Castor got a crit here and avenged Frey in a very flashy manner. Frey would've wanted us to profit from his death like this. He always did.

And that's it for the southern Dragons.

Marth heard my pleas and got some defense. Cecille's level-up wasn't as great, but it has HP so I'm fine with it.

And the Dragon's tamer joins them in death.

Feena dances her way to a level-up. You don't need strength, you need defense and HP! Doggone it!

Some more healing. No levels yet. In fact, Pretzel won't level up in this chapter at all! But it's fine, we've a lot of chapters before 16. Plenty of time to get him to level 5.

Matthis wounds this fiend. And even though he's out of his range and I'm almost certain there'll be no more reinforcements until I move up...

...I heal him because I am NOT taking the risk with Matthis of all people. Etzel! That's not very good! Sure, more defense is awesome, but I need you to get speed!

All of these people will kill you, and none of them will die as a result of being burned by you. Pick your choice, Dragon!

Yumina. Predictable.

And down he goes. Even more defense?! She's set on beating Elrean in every single way, is she not? You'll already have C staves after you promote, Yumina! You're making all my other Mages look bad!

Time to move up. I'm pretty certain there'll be reinforcements coming out of these forts. Hence, I block them all. I was also worried about even more people popping out of the southern forts, but as it turned out, that's only on maniac.

After much pondering, I come to the conclusion that nobody can take so many hits reliably without wasting some more nosferatu charges. Therefore, I am forced to move Matthis up and Marth down to take care of the fort.

Not this again!

Okay, good. I'm glad for the axe. It allows Matthis to leave all of these guys with very low health for the others to finish off.

Oh. Well, I didn't expect this, but I probably should have.

Regardless, Castor shoots down the Wyvern. Damnit Castor! For every Wyvern you kill, I remember the one you couldn't hit, causing Wrys'... eh... whatever, I don't know what happened to him anymore.

Healing and hurting. Two sides of the same coin. You need health to deprive others of it. How very deep, eh?.

Not bad. You need these stats.

I send Matthis back to the south because at this point, I was still fearing the maniac reinforcements.

Enemy phase. This Dragon, who, by the way, is carrying the last Starshard, attacks Elrean.

And then, after some chipping by Castor...

...and this, too (not that great, but you need the defense)...

Cecille does it in! It would be great if you could get some defense and strength, but so long as you get HP--

AAARGH NOT EVEN HP!!!

Gah! Be more careful!

Don't you worry, Rody. I'll try harder to hit you next time.

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. Whatever. She's still great. Not as great as Frey was, mind you, but... meh. Neither beggars nor bad strategists can be choosers.

I do this just so Matthis can distract the reinforcements that will never come while the others escape.

I prepare Elrean to be sent to the western frontline, and...

Proceed to use Matthis instead. Yeah... I don't have any other tanks. This'll probably be bad later on.

What's up with this screencap? I'm pretty sure he isn't dead yet. Maybe Matthis got a critical hit. The sprites start to blink earlier if they get killed by a crit, I think.

Poor Dice. His 'stache must be all scorched by now.

Elrean! God damnit!

Okay, that's better.

And Dice avenges his mustache.

Great! Now you've the same s/s/s as Darros.

In fact, I think you'll tank these guys for the time being. By now, you must've developed some fire resistance.

Don't crit!

Good.

Matthis does some jeiganing for somebody else to take the experience. He's got way too much already.

And that's it for Elrean's training! He's ready to promote.

What a fitting way to end his leveling spree. Now that Frey's gone, Elrean's my second most durable unit. A Mage is my second most durable unit. Now I've seen everything.

I try to kill this one with Castor, but he doesn't crit this time.

So I disarm Cecille and send her in to take this hit for Castor. She does so in flying colours.

Castor doesn't crit this time either, but...

It doesn't matter.

Don't you dare disappoint me again, Cecille!

HP. That's great.

Etzel heals Cecille because I want him to get another level-up and redeem himself as soon as possible. Pretzel can wait.

And Matthis begins to jeigan the boss. He's tougher than the other Dragons, but he won't be too hard to beat down.

Like I said, he can afford to get sucky levels like this one.

A turn later, Matthis subdues our prey...

Dice tenderizes the meat...

And Cecille cuts it up. It's ready to be served.

Mm, delicious. Hah! That's awesome! Everything she needs! All is forgiven, Cecille.

I do this just so Feena can get some more experience. Now, THIS is the kind of levels you need, Feena.

And we're off.

Marth is not impressed by this particular tribe. Marth! They killed Frey! How can you be so nonchalant about it?

Dah, even more exposition.

Wow, we sucked ass. This war must've been in lunatic+ mode.

So, basically, Naga carried the war. Seth and FE8 much?

And then you left it at home! I'm sure everyone's already criticized you for this already, but it begs repeating. What were you thinking?

I can barely understand what you say, Xane. Why can't you speak like a human being?

Marth is not impressed by these news. He's been showing a lack of amazement at everything lately.

This doesn't matter at all. He's still Lord Gotoh, the Inconvenient and Pompous.

And guess what? So are you.

Heck yeah! Now I feel proud of myself. That was badass.

Oh hey Jagen. I don't know, it's fine here. Then again, I'm sitting in northern Spain, not the flame barrel.

Jagen's judgement on Pretzel's strength. I'm looking forward to this one.

Yeah! You suck!

And so, THE GREAT AND MIGHTY HERO OF SHADOW was saved by an elderly man. This is it, Pretzel. You've reached rock bottom.

And inmediately after that scene, a guy clad in a huge jacket just waltzs right in! And he's talking like this is England, not the flame barrel!

It's official, the Sabre Knights >>>>>>>>>> Pretzel.

I'm not even joking, I burst into laughter every time this happenes. Pretzel's clothes are thinner than yours!

They rushed here. Let's take a moment to appreciate the fact that these guys crossed the desert of death by themselves, as well as the walls of offscreen towering mountains, unseen sheer cliffs and irrelevant deep valleys. And they hadn't an army, they had each other and their stats. Wow.

I can't be the only one who thinks they're wearing their jackets over priest robes. As in, real life, local priest robes.

I love these guys. Everyone always speaks of how boring and forgettable they are. But c'mon, these guys are awesome! Look at those magnificent jackets! I'm pretty sure Robert could fit one of his bows inside his collar!

Okay, I'll focus now. Leiden, I'm pretty sure we aren't "powerless". Although, maybe you only heard about Pretzel. That would explain it.

That's a good question. Care to elaborate?

Yeah... """""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""gone""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""". I do believe Marth is just as confused about them as I am.

No, plot armor be damned, these guys are dead. I can wrap my head around them surviving their Archanea Chronicle (Camus probably took all the blame and told them to hide, and just like all the fanbase, none of the Dohlrians could be arsed to find them), but this join time is just plain weird. That said, I'm glad they didn't wait until Altea. They would be useless if they joined then.

More on them tomorrow. That should be enough for now.

Dishonorable reset count: 1

Reset count: 4 (Pretzel: 3 - Marth: 1)

Death count: Linde
                       Samto
                       Navarre
                       Arran
                       Norne
                       Roger
                       Cain
                       Wrys*
                       Frey

*Retreated.

 

[I'm in over my head - A bad player's first Ironman Fire Emblem 12 run (and first let's play)!]

Oh my god, it's so hot here... stupid desert! Desist from your intent to give me a heat stroke!

But you're still inside a building. I can see a pillar behind you!

And how come you are in a forest?

You sent me to the rearguard forever, remember? I'm defending the entrance to the desert with the others.

I'M BEING USEFUL!

Is that what benchwarmers do while the others hog all the glory? Good to know.

Don't change the sub--

Ruben, the vanguard would very much like to leave this desert as soon as possible.

Very well! CHAAAAARGE!

...

Part 20 - The Sages were right.

On 17/8/2017 at 3:17 AM, Franp3 said:

I think it is, but I beg you to never say it again. Ever.

Gotcha. I didn't plan to.

On 17/8/2017 at 3:22 AM, KnightOfNohr said:

Actually, she'd is a contraction of "she had" or "she would". The correct expression is "she would have died" or "she would've died." I hope that is satisfactory. :)

I find it quite hilarious that I was worried about the double didn't being incorrect, while I'd made a grave mistake in the previous sentence. So much for wanting to have a clean first LP.

Oh well, nobody's going to care about a typo or fifty. Or five hundred.

Spoiler

A bad chapter. That's where.

Especially the wyverns that soar and dominate the skies. Fuck those guys.

And centuries later, Marth left it at home when he left to put an end to Lorenz's rebelion. Which makes no sense at all, although knowing Marth, he probably just didn't want to use it in hopes of being able to just subduing the rebels. After all, he's a weak, idealistic child.

That said, there was no reason at all for him not to at least bring it along. It's your fault that Altea fell, Marth!

You're right, Marth. I don't think the dragons double you (the perks of having gotten speed in every single level-up) but I'm pretty sure they kill you in two hits.

Pretzel isn't exactly your most wonderful companion. He isn't even coming with you today!

Formation. This chapter'll be Elrean's ultimate test: if he fails, Pretzel will stay. If he succeeds, he'll replace him. Prove that you are the only on worthy of succeeding the Pope, Elrean!

But first, Dice tricks the first Wyvern into attacking him.

He gets this absolutely awesome level. He'll be needing a skill book (and probably go back to being a Fighter), but other than that, I've a good feeling about him.

All right, Elrean. First part of your test.

This is why I like Elrean. So much defense.

Second part of your test: Excalibur. Fuckin' A.

And now, the most crucial part. Leveling up!

Nice! Not too shabby. You do need luck.

Neat, although I'd have liked it better if you got speed. As it stands, you're dangerously low on that. Some of the Wyverns double you!

Frey kills the guy Elrean pulled in.

And we get ready to welcome the next Wyvern properly.

They really like Dice. He won't allow them to burn his mustache, though.

He then moves up to throw a hand axe at this guy.

Sheeda misses a javelin and crits the second one, leaving him with a single HP...

And Marth finally gets a kill. All hail the Hero King!

More death. Elrean will be making good use of his Thoron in this chapter.

This is it. Elrean is not in any danger, the rest of the Wyverns haven't started to move yet.

Never mind, they still love Dice far too much. Dice doesn't do as well this time around, but he's still great.

Had I known you'd get a crit, I'd have made you use Thoron!

More luck, and defense. Not bad, not bad at all. Your magic is lower than I'd like, but it's not like anyone else needs the spirit dust, right?

Formation. Don't worry, Etzel doesn't get doubled, I made very sure of it.

We're starting to run low on nosferatu charges. Maybe I'll have to deploy Malicia once more. Hopefully not, though.

Great work, Castor, but I'm a little worried. Four Wyverns is nothing to sneeze at. Still, I'm pretty sure we can handle it.

Castor! Bah, regardless. If we do this, then Sheeda might be able to finish him off. I'm looking forward to the day I won't have to deploy Sheeda to recruit anybody and will instead be allowed to bring somebody useful.

If I recall correctly, that'll be every day after we're done with this chapter.

NO! CASTOR! This isn't the time to miss!

That's one down, but we're still in trouble. Even more so now, Frey's using the dreaded devil sword.

Not bad, I guess.

Dice! Stop missing everyone!

Thank God for Yumina. Save the day, princess!

I am forced to drop a Matthis Nuke on the Wyvern Castor failed to kill, while Elrean electrocutes the Wyvern Dice failed to kill.

And I think we just lost Wrys. I can't cover him with Sheeda because the stupid Wyverns kill her just by looking at her, and nobody else is available.

Damnit not yet. I'm not ready. Wrys!

YES! AWESOME!

Aw, but he'll get doubled...

Damnit he didn't crit.

He died fighting like a badass.

'Tis a pity indeed. But you did well. I'm very glad I took you with me.

ARGH! What?! I can't see anything!

Ah...

Gah!

That... was awesome.

Where'd he go? Maybe that was just a hallucination...

Right behind you, my friend.

AAAAAAAARGH! Damnit Wrys!

Ho ho ho.

Unh.

Frey I swear to God, if you kill yourself--

Okay, good, good.

Hah, silly me. Frey would just survive dying. Like always.

Player phase! That'll be another level-up for Elrean. Do well, Elrean!

And well he did. Pretzel? Who's that?

Man, Cecille is so fragile. I am not risking this.

Instead, she tases the guy Etzel wore down.

So many unnecessary crits. You assholes. You all realise if you hadn't wasted all this good RNG, Wrys would still be in fighting condition, right?

I believe there's only one Wyvern left at this point.

Dice again!? Lay off him already, dangit!

Yumina will level up after this. Don't let your new colleague surpass you, princess!

Excellent! She's never going to reach Elrean's amazing defense, but this is still great.

More fighting. I believe Dice deserves to get a kill after getting incinerated by Wyverns so many times.

Damn you, Castor. If you'd done this to that Wyvern, Wrys wouldn't have had to retreat.

This happens, too. I'm not sure why I did it. Just for the hilarity of watching people be slaughtered by Matthis I suppose.

A poleax Barbarian? Really? Who's going to bring a Cavalier to this map!?

It was at about this point that I decided I didn't really want to give Frey all this experience. There's somebody who needs it more.

Go ahead, Dice. Teach these guys why you deserve to have artwork.

D'awww, bollocks. He's going to go for Etzel, isn't he?

Bah. Oh well, all things considered, this is good.

Okay! Get a good level-up, will you?

Pretty good. Speed's good.

This happens, too. Damn great level-up.

And that's it for the first half of the map! Marth retrieves the cards, and we begin to move north.

Matthis and Sheeda also stumble upon our first pieces of treasure. These will be useful.

A crapton of turns later, we're ready to go. See, this is why I like Arcadia better. Arcadia was better designed to force you to hurry up, multitask and all. This map, on the other hand, is nothing more than a snoozefest.

Quite frankly, I can't understand why so many people despise Arcadia. As I've already said, the whole idea of desert chapters wasn't too bright to begin with, but Arcadia actually did make good use of the gimmick.

Let's make Sheeda carry out her last contribution to our cause.

Hint hint.

A tiny bit? With your stats?

Then again, for some reason you're an enemy unit. You must be great at going undercover. We could use that talent!

Yeah, but no need to join the blue guys. Stay undercover.

Sheeda don't give him those eyes. Last time you tried that, it cost the guy his life!

I guess so.

Jake is this game's Wolf / Sedgar. Except his growths are a tad lower than Wolf's and Sedgar's in FE11, and he joins later than they did. Not too bad, but I don't think he's worth the trouble.

The infamous master Swordmaster and his Wyvern! Matthis will draw him in because there's no chance in hell he's going to die.

The Wyvern will probably go after Dice anyway.

Matthis doesn't get critted, but then misses the Wyvern. Bah. This game doesn't magically repair the items that enemies drop! At least this has more uses than Mercurius.

Oh, I wasn't expecting this.

And Elrean brings down the Wyvern.

Don't die, Yumina.

I try this just for shits and giggles. No dice. Oh well. Heh heh heh.

I wait him out, and the master Swordmaster can't dodge Matthis' lance this time.

And Elrean does him in. Yet another level-up for him. Getting him up to speed wasn't very hard.

Great, very great. He's faster than Yumina now.

Okay, let's bait the northwesternmost Wyvern.

Rolls right off the tongue, eh?

Jake borrows the cards to visit his darling. He should have one of his own, all things considered, but eh. Maybe he left it at her darling's shop.

C'mon! Move already!

Oh, nice, some reading material for Dice.

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE! This is another reason this map sucks. The enemies in the northern part of the map only move when it's inconvenient.

GAH! Oh never mind it's just 12 damage.

Matthis was so befuddled by that tremendous blow to the head, he missed his second javelin. Holy crap that's a great level-up, though.

To be frank, this was a really stupid risk, but I wanted to be done with this chapter already.

Still, it's Matthis. No matter what, he shall not die.

And now, we've less enemies to worry about. But still, that damned Wyvern's driving me nuts.

Hey Anna. I don't know, maybe because he's your boyfriend and has been here until we recruited him?

You're still epic Etzel. And now that we've lost Wrys, we need you even more than we did before.

Looking at this, I just realised, Elrean is now as tanky as Etzel, and will surpass him once we promote him. Why do people consider him to be worse than Merric, again?

Ah, right, worse speed and luck, no insta-excalibur, etc. But still. He's a tad underrated, I believe. And this isn't just personal experience either, I checked, he's only 0.25 points ahead of his average defense and actually a little behind in HP. He is pretty blessed in speed, but my point still stands.

MOVE DAMN YOU!

At last, god damnit all to hell. At last!

No, Matthis! Don't do that!

Oh well, it's not as if this is wasted experience. If he's still alive by then, Matthis is coming to the endgame, no questions asked.

Oh well. This guy tries to reach Cecille, but can't. Instead, she goes to him and almost gets one-shotted. Sheesh, Cecille. She really doesn't work as a Myrmidon.

Treasure time! That dust is going to Elrean, I think he'll make a better use of it than anybody else.

I wanted to give this kill to Elrean too, but...

Yumina decided the princess of Grust was more worthy of the experience.

I have no objections.

Even more treasure. Athena will probably make good use of the Elysian Whip. Elrean will be taking the goddess icon, and I don't know about the rest.

After much pondering, I decide to buy one dragonpike and one wyvernslayer. That should be enough, and I can still afford the three physics.

And that's that taken care of. Goodbye, stupid desert chapters.

What are you doing here, Pretzel? Get back to the rear!

Oh hey, smug Tiki. How's it hanging?

Marth doesn't find this suspicious at all.

I beg to differ.

No, she didn't.

I don't know, Tiki. It's not easy to go see you like this. If only Gotoh wasn't an asshole and agreed to teleport Marth a couple times... blame Lord Gotoh Inconvenience the Pompous.

what?! indeed. He finds this line weird, but not the fact that she's all the way out here, alone? After Bantu told him Gotoh took her back to the Ice Shrine?

Oh, snap! It's Xane! I love this line. Pretzel may be bland and a Mary Sue, but this one line makes his existance worth bearing.

Unless your Avatar is female, in which case she only says "the little girl is now a man!?". Boooooooooooooring.

Yeah, pretty useful one, too. Although I don't really like using him. I'd rather have another real unit instead of this guy who needs healing and a dance not to fall behind.

Eh. Pretzel beat you there. And if the Avatar of all people beats you when it comes to dialogue...

Yeah, some answers please.

Not right now, but it will in a few chapters apparently.

And that is it. Tomorrow, we keep moving towards Lord Gotoh Inconvenience the Pompous, in hopes that he won't force Marth to say GIP and a bunch of funny colours before handing over the Lightsphere to him.

Dishonorable reset count: 1

Reset count: 4 (Pretzel: 3 - Marth: 1)

Death count: Linde
                       Samto
                       Navarre
                       Arran
                       Norne
                       Roger
                       Cain
                       Wrys*

*Retreated.

 

[I'm in over my head - A bad player's first Ironman Fire Emblem 12 run (and first let's play)!]

Damnit, every day it's harder to think of something funny and original to place here.

Eh, that's just fine, I'll do the typical "I can't think of anything funny" joke and that'll do.

That's the oldest trick in the world, are you sure you want to do that?

I'll throw in my axe as well!

You are a failure of a comedian.

...why do I do this to myself? I could be doing something productive. Like driving tests.

...on second thought, I'd rather die. Well, not that much, but this sucks less that studying.

...

Part 19 - I refuse to use the same units as everybody else. I'm a special snowflake. Snort snort. Also, this title is far too long.

21 hours ago, Franp3 said:

It's actually the ghost of Arran's killer. Only executing Etzel will appease his spirit now.

Well, he can go fuck himself. Etzel's too good to just die like that.

This line is ultimate, irrefutable proof that your Matthis is the best Matthis to ever live.

Probably because he's also the only Matthis to ever be trained.

FMAB Wrath? Wow, he actually does.

It seems everybody and their mother is in this game. Awakening and its myriad of DLCs have nothing on New Mystery of the Emblem slash Heroes of Light and Shadow!

As I did with the hat, I've decided to accept the mask and go with it for one chapter. Hopefully, somebody will vote this time. Personaly, I like it, Pretzel's not worthy of Etzel's monocle. But as always, it's up to you.

Spoiler

But Roro's mask doesn't have a mouth!

These side stories are my favourite chapters when it comes to plot. It's so easy to do the cropping work for gaiden chapters.

Reclassing. Frey will benefit from the defense boost, while Matthis becoming a Paladin never actually happened, so I'm not sure why that picture exists.

Before we go, I've some reviewing to do. My waifu Maris and her dad have officially joined our army.

Maris is the first female Myrmidon. Being a natural female Myrmidon is not as good as being a natural Pegasus Knight because the lady sword exists, meaning having a good sword rank isn't that important for girls. Maris has shoddier growths than Navarre, but her bases are equally as awesome. I love the fact that she has a rather high defense base, yet her defense growth is laughably bad. Overall, she's a decent unit. Probably better than Athena, but I swore I'd use Athena and I will.

Dice, the forgotten Fighter, is forgotten for a reason. Whereas Barst is a physical powerhouse, Cord is a quick all-rounder and Bord has hammer utility for a few chapters, Dice is pretty much just "worse Barst", or "replacement character 101". His bases are great, but other than that, Barst and even Cord are better than him, and join earlier. And that's not taking reclassing and Minerva into account. Dice is worse than his daughter, but usable. Although leaving massive Fighter death and favouritism aside, there isn't much of a reason to use him.

Okay, time to go.

This line alone raises a couple questions. First, either Horace's plot armor is stronger than anti-matter, or Roro's cutscene incompetence surpasses Wendy's crap factor by a mile. I know that's not a question shut up.

Second, "old fellow"? Horace doesn't look very old. Older than you, for sure, but late-thirties at most.

On his own? Not for long. But help is on the way.

Horace is a down-to-earth, straightforward man. He doesn't care in the slightest for this fool's yapping.

Meanwhile, Roro suffers of crippling amnesia.

Horace also doesn't think very highly of the masked man. I mean, he does have a point, Roro needs a billion clones to be a threat. Then again, that applies to most Fire Emblem bosses.

There's not much of a reason other than to stop him from joining us. And you guys have already failed spectacularly at that, considering we've an army or two of benchwarmers.

Battle time. This is the strategy: Matthis will make a beeline for the real Roro (whom I unmasked using the trusty enemy selection trick. No, I don't know the real name of the trick. No, I don't think that pun was funny).

Matthis isn't trying to leave the screen, but is instead hitting this Roro critically. Maybe I should change the thread title to "Matthis is secretely Anri in disguise".

Horace does bail. He won't be needed.

While Matthis wins the chapter for us, the others build a living wall so we can get some experience out of this stint.

Yeah, yeah, we know that.

This was a mistake. Had Yumina killed this guy, she'd died. But hey, she didn't, so she didn't.

God, that sentence looks horrible. And the worst part about it is, I think it actually is grammatically correct! Correct me if I'm mistaken please.

The others dodge Roro's misguided attempts at killing us. It cracks me up how Etzel is tankier than Marth. Then again, I've neglected Marth pretty badly. He's going to be needing experience soon.

Look at this. A promoted berserker with WTA wouldn't have killed Matthis even if he had critted. It's beautiful.

Of course, he one-rounds the guy in return. Was there ever any doubt?

And the boss? He one-rounds him too. Who needs Palla, or MU, or Sirius or Catria when you can have MOTHERFUCKING MATTHIS!?

Time to get some exp before leaving. No, I'm not going to stay and farm Roros. I do NOT want to lose someone in this chapter of all places.

Yumina gets this good level-up. Pretty good.

Then I set this kill up for... Pretzel? Nope! I benched him for Elrean today. And if Elrean's progress satisfies me, I'll probably bench him for good. I'll think of something for chapter 16x.

Time to finish this.

Say hello to Arran for me, Roro!

Hardware limitations, that's how.

At this point, you're pretty much set for life, Matthis. You can afford to get a bad level-up or five.

Yeah they were human, but I can understand why you'd be confused.

And here's the explanation on Roro's cloning abilities. It doesn't explain why killing the "real" Roro renders them all useless, though. If anything, it makes even less sense, because the "real" Roro is just one more Roro if this theory is correct.

Nah, she doesn't have ten thousand brothers.

Does she?

No need to hurry, Marth. And unlike in the last gaidens, I'm actually serious now. If Gotoh wants to test us, then he'll have to accept that we take our sweet time.

Is it Roro's axe? 'Cause that axe is kickass.

Oh well. At least now I can rip that monocle off your unworthy eye.

Yes, he does. At least for a little while.

Jagen is not pleased.

Me? I can't even find the tiniest shred of pleasure to transform into displeasure.

Eremiah is an amazing villain for this series. I mean it, I humbly believe the only reason she isn't more popular is that her game is rather obscure.

Katarina, please. You already tried this with Palette Swap Louise and it didn't exactly work wonders. Do you really think your luck will be any better with this woman?

Eremiah plays the pronoun game, but because everyone in the room knows who "he" is, nobody asks, so we, as the audience, are left in the shadows.

And of course, Kleine just had to squirm her way into this conversation to talk shit about Eine. You're such an annoying villain, Trasgender Klein.

She's a good girl, for sure, but... is she up to the task?

Bwah hah hah hah hah. I can just hear her saying this line in an utterly uninterested, bored tone.

She just keeps on going. Jesus, lay off the poor guys. They're still people. #Rorolivesmatter.

Although, I really like the "broken junk is to be discarded" line. It goes to show how devoid of any emotion she is.

Katarina, if I were you, I'd just play along and then secretly set them free. Openly opposing her will net you nothing but trouble.

See what you've done? Now they've no chance of ever seeing the sun again, and Eremiah no longer has any interest in you. You are the worst doubtful villain!

Okay, that was a weird note to end the chapter on.

Okay! And that was it. Tomorrow, some more.

...

Nah, fuck it.

Marmoturd is a funny name.

Is it just me, or does the tower look really out of place? Like an amateur just photoshopped it in. Maybe it was intentional.

This is a funny line, because it's technically true. I don't think those uncivilized bandit clans would ever have a reason to return from Marmoturd.

What sages? They better have solid proof for this, or else I'll be forced to call bullshit!

Really, Marth?

He's unimpressed with himself. I would be, too.

Crap units get useless crap, while Etzel seems to have done a better job at looting the castle than his estranged son, and discovers Roro's very axe! With one more might than the steel axes, and 30 crit, this axe is a really good find. Astounding job, Etzel! You saved today's batch of free items from being the worst we've gotten thus far!

We got a bullion back in Khadein. Time to spend it all on a...

Training montage! Elrean's defense is awesome. And as you guys will soon see, it'll keep getting better!

Satisfied with his progress, I give him the Libra. He needs the luck more than Matthis. He also gets the arms scroll so he can put Merric to shame as he uses both Thoron and Excalibur.

Dice also gets a couple levels. It occured to me that I don't have an axe user, and hey, we just got one! Why not? It's not as if anyone's ever used this guy.

I give him Sagittarius and reclass him to Pirate. He's ready to go.

Cecille and Frey are also reclassed. They'll be more useful like this.

All right! And with that, I bid you all farewell. I've chapter 11 recorded already, but you know, I'd like to go to sleep at a reasonable hour at least one day!

Trying to go to bed!

Although, I wouldn't mind some company. Eh? Eh?

Eh, never mind, on second thought, you're not my type.

Argh! Stop training already! Where's Palla? I need to let her know!

Definitely not my type.

What the hell, Feena? This is not the time to bad mouth Navarre's sense of fashion! THE GUY'S DEAD!! Bad mouth him for reasonable things, at least! Like how he's a crappy, one-note character who for some reason spawned a whole bunch of crappy, one-note copycat characters like Rutger!

Yeah, that big yellow ribbon is reeeeaaal cute.

Don't get me wrong, I like a good body as much as the next guy, but I'm also rather picky when it comes to personality. This kind of crap is a real turn off. Get a brain, damnit!

Feena's also pretty dumb. They could go shopping for grey matter together.

Actually, it might just be the portrait, but she seems to be pretty well covered. Heck, it even looks like she's wearing a jacket! Maris' attire is more revealing than this girl's!

This is not a lucky blinking shot. She actually puts this face when she says that.

Feena, darling, you're in for a huuuuuuuuge disappointment like me that one time I fell in love. That's when I learnt to be picky.

That much is true, but this is Fire Emblem. The less, the better.

...actually, Fire Emblem is pretty good at avoiding fanservice armor. Have you seen Minerva's artwork? She's clad from neck to toes in armor that's more gorgeous than Camilla's over-the-top top could ever amount to be.

And this is coming from a guy who loves Maris' artwork. I just want heavy armor to be heavy and thin clothes to be thin. Not the other way around.

Pretzel gets mad and leaves. Sheesh, I may be picky, but there simply is no type of girl that you like, is there Pretzel? Of course not. You sexually identify as Royal Guard. Training is all you need.

...what...? What is this bush doing here again? Wrys, I thought you planted it all the way back at Chiasmir bridge!

I did. Maybe princess Yumina retrieved it while we were busy fighting?

But that makes no sense! She was fighting with the others. Maybe she told Yubello to take it for her.

That sounds most plausible. Maybe I could ask prince Yubello later?

Please do. Thank you, Wrys.

Oh, and plant this bush somewhere before we leave for the desert. Thanks again.

I'm sorry, what?

Oh well. Who cares. I sure do not. I'm off to bed. Tomorrow, we go explore the desert. Hopefully, we'll disprove the Sages' thesis and leave with all everyone's limbs attached to their respective bodies.

Dishonorable reset count: 1

Reset count: 4 (Pretzel: 3 - Marth: 1)

Death count: Linde
                       Samto
                       Navarre
                       Arran
                       Norne
                       Roger
                       Cain

[I'm in over my head - A bad player's first Ironman Fire Emblem 12 run (and first let's play)!]

...

Hey, Ruben. What's up?

...

...

Looks like he's still angry.

Hmm...

Guys guys! Look overthere! It's a cute-- Gaaaagh!

Hah!

I'm so tired of you all and your shenanigans.

My balls...

...

That felt good. Shall we go to war now? We need to slaughter some helpless Clerics.

...may I remind you that we need them in order not to have to LTC Elrean?

Mm. Shame. Oh, well.

...

Part 18 - The crab syndrome.

1 minute ago, Franp3 said:

La hora se acerca, compañero. Hoy, el subforo. Mañana, el mundo!

Por qué conformarnos con el mundo? Hay todo un universo ahi fuera!

Wait. If this is the same Yodel from FE6... then Etzel is actually Canas' long lost older brother! It all makes sense!

Better yet! Etzel is Canas himself! In truth, he just barely survived the snowstorm, but his wife perished. Ashamed that he was unable to save her, he escaped to Archanea, made up a new identity and background, and proceeded to just sulk around and keep on being the only natural Druid in the game. It makes perfect sense! Etzel looks a little older than Canas, and Yodel looks much younger than he was in FE6. FE12 actually takes place a year or two after FE7. Nintendo please make it canon.

Is there any other way to do it?

Yeah, making a basement. Although because I like to make my life harder than it needs to be, the first time I tried to do that was when I decided to build a castle on top of a lake. Stupid Terraria and its liquid physics...

(Vote for the masquerade ball mask. I'm a little ahead of the LP, so if you vote now I'll be able to get both 10x and 11 out of the way tomorrow).

Spoiler

Okay! That's enough waiting around, time to see if there's anything left of Elrean and Merric to recruit.

Oh never mind, here's Julian. What are you doing, mate? Trying to escape with the boots?

Nah, the truth is, you want the boots for yourself. Well joke's on you, you're not getting them.

You liar, you're still a Thief. And don't use gameplay as an excuse, Jake and Beck are the living proof that there is a way to reclass from these unique classes between games.

You two are all talk and no trousers, I see.

Nope! We already have enough of these in the introduction of every chapter.

Oh, Cecille. Yeah that was quite out of character, but trust me, it was for the best.

Well yes, his name's Rody.

I thought you'd gotten over that...

Bah, it's always good to think back to the good old times from two weeks ago, right?

...whoa it's already been two weeks. I've grown accustomed to the LP. I can only hope you are enjoying reading it as much as I am enjoying making it.

I love how she just feels the need to specify she does NOT believe it for she is a strong, independent woman who is not deterred by a lowly male ghost.

Oh, looks like I was wrong, it's just Sadako.

Look, Rody, a girlfriend for you!

...

Then Pretzel blames it on the wind like an idiot. Pretzel, you'd die first in a horror movie. Or, well, third, after the black guy and the blonde jackass.

No, that had a perfectly reasonable explanation. Rody, on the other hand...

Nah, you're not a child. If anything you're a strong, inde--

Okay okay, you get it, I get it. Let's just move o--

Strange sound? I didn't hear any--

Gaaaah! What?!

Try to enjoy it Pretzel!

Oh dear, it just keeps getting better and better. The fact that we can't see either of their arms just adds to the ambiguity.

And they went on to spend the night together. And Pretzel was mad because he missed his night training session.

Well, I hope she survives so we can find out what that sound was.

Actually, scratch that, every time I've said this the character in question died. I really hope she dies before we can find out what that sound was.

Posting these two again because it's free and effortless to me.

Today's free things. Dear god that just fucking sucks, through and through.

Oh well, at least Marth is at 99 experience now. I might be able to finally get him a level.

Let's go do th--

Barst! I'm trying to go save Merric!

Not that I care too much about him, you know, but when the next Jagen judgement on my death count arrives I don't want my record to look too bad. I mean, worse than it already does.

I like this support. It looks like it's going to be a "Pretzel is so amazing at training" convo, but then it hints at Barst having a shaddy backstory. And proceeds to end in a cliffhanger.

No he wasn't. According to the backstory I made up for you, he just utterly failed to teach you and then sent you to Khadein.

You know, let's say Pretzel was ambushed by Gharnef's allies as he fled from the school, but survived, losing his memories in the process. That's why he's so dumb, his brain is damaged.

Wait, on second thought, that makes him almost as badass as Frey. Eh. Then again, Frey survived being mauled to death by a mountain of silver lance Knights. In the LP's canon, Pretzel just crumbled down after a stray Thief crashed into him while fleeing.

Do elaborate.

This line is a double-edged sword. I can either say he's a dumbass for asking such an obvious thing, but then again, he didn't specify he fought alongside Marth. But if I don't call him out for it, then I have to call him out for jumping like a dumbass to such a conclusion when Barst might just be mentioning the War of Shadows for no other reason than to pinpoint the exact moment after which he started to do all sorts of things.

You know what, I'm losing track of my own argument. Moving right on.

Pretzel: Archanea's own Sherlock Holmes.

I hadn't read that support in ages before today. I wasn't expecting it to just end here.

Well, I do hope we get some more "Barst getting closer to Pretzel"s in our "how's everyone"s. 'Cause otherwise...

Okay, can we go now? Nobody's got anything to say?

Okay good.

Merric, you're very naive. It's not as if this is new, Elrean's already a douchebag in the DLC chapter.

Oh I agree, I agree!

Heh heh. You know Merric, I may be mistaken but I don't think this has ever worked. Envious douchebags usually just get mad that you show them mercy.

"Khadein is an independent city-state, taking orders from no foreign nation. But they are perfectly fine with being manipulated and harboring biases and grudges."

Hahahahah. I know Elrean's just trying to find an excuse to start shooting lightning bolts at Merric, but this is so ridiculously impossible, it's hilarious. Come now, Elrean, this guy isn't Gotoh. How, exactly, would he have dragged us here? He doesn't even have any way to contact us! Point out the many holes in your rival's shitty theory, Merric!

...well. If you'd rather fight, then sure, be my guest.

Actually...

No, you won't. If you look closely, you'll notice Merric's animation is very slightly different. That's because he critted! All things considered this was a really stupid risk but hey, it paid off well! Now Matthis won't risk dying after murdering the first swarm Bishop.

Like so. What's up with his head? Seriously, is it just me or does his head look like a seahorse's head in this shot?

Anyway, time to get Merric back. I believe this counts as recruiting him, so let's talk about him!

Merric's bases are unfortunate. As in, they're awful for both his level and his joining time. He does have the prologue, but he'd only get one or two levels there, three at most, and his growths aren't exactly the best.

All in all, he's just Linde but trading availability and access to the female tomes for Excalibur and slightly better bases. 8 chapters later. He is required to get the good ending, though. That could be classified as unique utility, amirite?

Wendell gets this level. Now he has more magic than the guy he saved from dying a horrible death.

This is how things are looking like. No, I don't know why one of the sides consists solely of mages and Castor. Why should I?

The remaining Bishop thinks he's so smart, hurting our protagonist. Little does he know, if I had to choose between the two, I'd definitely take a reset over the death of a member of the main team.

Like Matthis, for instance.

Which is why I make Feena dance for him.

That's better. The western division is going to be needing a physical powerhouse, so Matthis'll be tagging along. Meanwhile, Yumina will be baiting the first Mage over. In hindsight, I should've done that with Etzel, because Yumina's resistance is uncharacteristically low for a Mage, but eh, who cares.

Yumina is far more successful than Pretzel. You better stop sucking ASAP, Pretzel, 'cause we're going to get another Mage who beats you in a couple of pivotal areas. And your father, but mentioning him wouldn't be fair.

Etzel heals Yumina while Pretzel faces off with the Mage once again. Nice dodge, albeit a little unnecessary.

And Castor finally gets a level-up!

Castor!

Eh, all things considered, he does need some HP. But this is still bad. Don't you dare get another level-up like this!

Are you tired of baiting shenanigans yet? Well, too bad for you, because we've a lot of baiting shenanigans on the horizon.

Like so. Goodness, these two are awesome.

I gave Malicia a heal staff so she could be a backup healer while she's here. Great level-up, but it doesn't matter at all this far into the game.

Look, Marth got his level-up! He hasn't gotten a single point of strength or defense, has he?

Well, I looked it up and turns out he has gotten one point in each stat. Kudos to you, Marth, but you're still RNG screwed.

I don't want my reset count to be unnecessarily big. With that in mind, I make Etzel put his staff to good use.

And Yumina puts an end to the Mage's life.

This is risky. I forgot about the killing edge Mercenary in this side. Frey and Etzel better not get struck by a critical hit, because neither of them will survive one of those.

But before that, Pretzel sets up the Mercenary for Castor. Matthis one-rounded him with each and every one of his weapons. Good thing we got a sucky unit to pull this off.

Wrys heals the one HP Castor got in his last-level, and now it is virtually impossible for him not to have an A rank in staves, no mather which of the magical classes he picks.

Wrys is almost invincible against Mages, but I fear for Frey and Etzel.

Look at this. Beautiful. 2 damage from the strongest common tome. And had he stayed as a Bishop, not even this would've left a dent on him!

Oh no. Looks like my worries were unfounded, Etzel was capable of surviving one crit. But he isn't now! My worries were founded in the end!

Why was I worried, about? This is Etzel we're talking about!

Yumina kills the Mage and wounds the Mercenary. Who could get that kill, I wonder?

All right, looks good.

With nothing better to do, Frey heads north to bring in another enemy.

Also, this. If you can't tell, I refuse to let that abomination be Castor's sole level-up in this chapter. Besides, who else am I going to feed this side's kills to? Matthis, Wendell and Wrys are too high level, I won't use Merric and Pretzel isn't worth the experience.

I strategically build a wall of Mages. No healing for you, soon-to-be wounded Mage!

Looks rad. Keep going.

Frey accomplishes his task with flying colours. Quite literally! Look at that piss yellow flying all over the place!

Another kill for Castor. He's almost ready. Also, I thought this was the same picture as last turn's for as second. A speedrun this ain't.

Wrys! Don't do that, Castor needs the experience more than you do!

And now he's ready to take another hit.

Wow. Look at that. Not even silver bow Snipers can bring Matthis down!

But still, he doesn't need the experience. This should be a more sensible plan...

GAAAAAH 6% crit!

If only you didn't give me such a worthwhile reward for sparing your lives. Two rewards, in fact!

It was at this point when I decided "hey, I'm going to save this kill for somebody else!". Getting everyone the hell out reveals this is the Sniper's range.

What a rare picture. I'm using a flier to protect infantry from a silver bow Sniper.

Not much is going on in the eastern front. We're just moving forward. They'll remain here for a while, too. I don't want Elrean to run the wrong way.

All things considered, I risked my best unit like an idiot here.

And then he just murdered the guy with his seahorse face. Damnit Matthis! You weren't supposed to take this kill!

On second thought, that's fine. Man, Gradivus is going to go straight into your hands and never leave them once we get it.

With no enemies in sight, our two healers bring Matthis back to top condition.

No. I'm not doing this twice. Especially when this guy's crit rate triples that of the sniper.

That's better. I don't think shaver even begins to hurt Wrys.

Hah hah hah, not a chance. I honestly wish he'd gotten a crit, just for extra hilarity.

Wrys conveniently missed his thunder, which is why this screencap looks like it is from the same battle as the last one, but isn't.

And castor brings an end to this fool.

Excellent! You were needing all those stats.

And now... I'd rather like to talk Elrean down before without him wasting a Thoron charge, but at the same time, the lower Mercenary is still alive. Time for some strategy.

There. That was easy.

He's being a biased asshole. And don't get me wrong, he'd actually be acting rather logically if Hardin's claims were true, but as it is, Elrean didn't bother to investigate further because what Hardin told him was exactly what he needed to hear in order to try to take Merric out. So, yeah, all in all, he's just being a biased asshole.

Still, I actually quite like Elrean, for reasons we'll be seeing soon.

Don't be so shocked, Elrean, he's absolutely right. The real question is, why the hell did you leave Khadein in this guy's hands if you knew this?

Now, usually, this kind of character would just go like "hm, you may be right. Allow me to grant you the honour of my power, but only because of you lord Wendell. I still hate all the others! And I am still right!"

But there's actually some kindness in Elrean, as he acknowledges his mistakes.

And now he's on our side. I like Elrean because unlike many of these semi-villainous rivals, he actually does develop as a character and seeks to redeem himself. He even goes as far as to apologise to Merric in the end! That's some real progress right there. He's one of the characters who doesn't need the supports, because his other appearances are enough for him as a character. Not to say they aren't nice to have, of course.

As a unit, Elrean's bases are better than Merric's where it matters. For one, his speed base is actually higher than his level, his defense is amazing (better than Castor's and all of our non-Etzel mages), and his magic isn't too bad either. Growth wise, he's got the same low magic growth as Merric as well as a much lower speed growth. However, he does have a 25% defense growth, which is pretty good. Elrean's main selling point is that, unlike pretty much every other Mage in the game save for Etzel, his defenses will be high enough for him to be a capable frontline fighter. He just needs those magic and speed growths to work. And considering how terrible Pretzel turned out to be, I think I will try...

But before that, Frey destroys this guy.

I give some tomes to Elrean. I don't know if I'll be using him yet, but it won't hurt to do this.

And before we leave, it is time to raid the school in front of her caretakers! We get some much needed gold, another physic staff (one can never have too many of those), and two other slightly less useful staves.

And with this amazing level for Feena...

We leave Khadein behind!

And I graciously accept their offer! This'll come in handy. Not right now, the silver card doesn't work in either the base armory or the drill grounds, but with this, buying the three physic staves in chapter 13 will be a non-issue.

And now, it is time for Gotoh to flashbang himself into the room! Or, well, his magical holograph version!

This isn't exactly breaking news, considering we've already seen Hardin holding the Darksphere back in chapter 8.

There they are. The sacred orbs are this game's version of FE6's legendary weapon requirement (or, more precisely, FE6's legendary weapons were a different take on FE3's orbs). I personaly like the fact that the Lightsphere, and the Starshards for that matter, no longer increase growth rates. That was way too broken.

Wrath and envy? Those aren't the type of emotions that come to mind when thinking of Hardin. Although, he does look a bit like Wrath. Reference!

Yeah, I'd like to know. Please, do enlighten us, omnipresent deity.

This guy's surname is probably Inconvenience. Lord Gotoh Inconvenience the Pompous. Sounds rad.

This is Gotoh's way of strategically avoiding to tell Marth that Hardin's completely gone and that he'll have to slit his throat either way, so he'll actually go through his shitty tests to go get the lightsphere.

Yeah! Teleport yourself here and hand over the orb! I'm not even asking you to teleport us to Altea, we'll go there by ourselves.

Of course. You just had to make it inconvenient, eh, Lord Gotoh Inconvenience the Pompous?

Oh well, at least they're some cool chapters. Leaving chapter 11 aside, of course. That one's even worse than Arcadia, because at least Arcadia had a reason to be covered in sand. Chapter 11 FE12 has nothing going on, though, so you can just take your sweet time, making it way less interesting and fun than Arcadia.

Yeah, I don't care what anybody else thinks, my humble opinion is that Arcadia is a well designed and fun desert chapter. Although, objectively speaking, the whole concept of desert chapters is rather flawed in general.

Oh god, it's Jagen's judgement on our death count.

I had 15 games to choose from and I had to go for the only one that calls you out for being a terrible player.

We've only lost seven units! It's not that much! We still have another army worth of benchwarmers!

God help us all.

No, actually, scratch that, I don't think even God would have the power to overcome Pretzel's suckiness.

Maris! Maris incarnates everything that turns me on in a woman. That's all I'm going to say on the matter.

Well, she does have one flaw, but it's all right. I forgive her.

This is it. She's the worst bargainer in history of mercenarying. I think it would be more expensive to train you in the drill grounds!

Look it's Dice! This guy isn't as bad as Frost in that his portrait actually looks like it belongs to an ally, unlike in the original Archanea Saga where he looked like he hadn't brushed his teeth since the Big Bang. But seriously, do me a favour. Go look at the wiki articles of this guy, the Sabre Knights and Frost. At first glance, they look like minor boss stub articles!

I find it weird that they made some artwork of Maris, but forgot about her father who's got an even more unique design. Such wasted potential.

Actually, I know why they gave her artwork. I know exaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaactly why. Wink wink nudge nudge.

Some more talking! Horace is in trouble! It would be a shame to lose Horace. I guess. Not that I really need him with Matthis and his huge defense, but still, I don't want to make Jagen cry.

And that's a wrap. Like always, I'll talk about Maris and Dice next time.

Dishonorable reset count: 1

Reset count: 4 (Pretzel: 3 - Marth: 1)

Death count: Linde
                       Samto
                       Navarre
                       Arran
                       Norne
                       Roger
                       Cain

Woohoo! No resets or deaths today! Let's hope it lasts.