AAHH Zombies!

[the_whistler]

Woo hypothetical situation!

You have just jumped off a helicopter into a giant mall filled with swarms of zombies!! What will you do? This is not a video game, this is real life! Would you hide in the corner till the zombies came and finished you off? Or would you welcome the undead and become a zombie yourself?

Pros: (of giving in)

You're undead or eating lots of people!

You can get revenge on everyone you hated when you were alive by chasing them mercilessly.

Cons: (of giving in)

You have no brain and you are a mindless thing that only growls "BRAINS!" repeatedly at people.

Chasing people is boring after awhile.

Pros: (of staying alive)

If you survive, you'll be honored as a hero.

You have your friends for support! (Except if they've already been eaten).

You get to wield a machete/machine gun/knife/baseball bat/instrument of death and look cool.

You're the protagonist! (supposedly)

Cons: (of staying alive)

You eventually get eaten alive while screaming in fear.

You must ALWAYS watch for zombies.

All your friends are eaten by zombies.

All your friends are zombies.

You have nightmares of your friends eating your brains in your sleep.

If you have any other people with you, they're all useless.

So what side will you choose, or will you make your own side? Ie. You have no brains and therefore are in no danger at all. meh that's lame.

I have chosen to be the architect who builds the memorial honoring your fate.

What will you do?

[Inactive Account]

1) Are there exits that aren't blocked? No: Just GTFO. I mean, zombies are friggin' slow. Yes: Proceed to Question 2.

2) Is there a sporting goods store? Yes: Go there, grab bat or other weapon, hit zombies until you can answer "No" to Q1. No: Proceed to step 3.

3) Improvise a melee weapon: something heavy, use one of those clothing racks as a battering ram, whatever. Chair-joust. Doesn't matter. Smack zombies until you can answer "no" to 1).

why are we so afraid of zombies anyway

Addendum: If plan fails and zombie bites you, just cuss at them until you forget how.

Edited May 26, 2010 by Darth Lacuna

[Phoenix]

Since I knew about the outbreak ahead of time I moved out of the country for a bit. Once the military gets tired of sending macho idiots into the cities to clean up the mess, they decided to nuke every major city in the world containing zombies, and I just watch it on tv and shake my head while resting in some foreign model's lap.

[Inactive Account]

Alternate: Hit the place with hair stuff. Come on, there's gotta be one. Collect as many cans of hairspray as you can manage; preferably with a bag. Now go to the card-and-candle shop, there are always those as well. Get a lighter (the safety kind with a handle if you can; no need to blow your hand off).

Whenever a zombie gets near you, flame 'em.

[Nightmare]

I deny all of those. I will instead...

[Inactive Account]

^Thought so.

Another alternate plan: Head for one of those stupid bath stores. Take various scent products and apply until you no longer smell remotely human. You won't smell like a zombie, but it doesn't matter; they won't smell that you're a normal human. Mutter "brains" and shamble for the exit. Resume normal human behavior once out of range.

Man, I could keep coming up with these forever...

addendum: dammit Night that's stuck in my head now

Edited May 26, 2010 by Darth Lacuna

[Nightmare]

addendum: dammit Night that's stuck in my head now

Mission accomplished.

Come dance with us.

[whase]

I'd probably be one of the lucky guys who is in some kind of bunker at the time of the outbreak. and I get to see all my friends eat my family. (yes, that's how lucky I am)

back-up plan; I'd kill myself~

(yeah, I have like no physical strength, so fighting isn't an option for me)

[Parrhesia]

Are the zombies shambling zombies, or L4D zombies?

Shamblers, then run and gun, Doom-style.

If L4D? Pray you become a Tank.

[General Spoon]

How about take pictures of them for points?

[Integrity]

Shamblers, then there are obviously a limited number of them. My speed means I win eventually. I will relocate to a large flat area like Kansas and cultivate crops and survive until the end of my days.

L4D zombies...

I'll go out like a hero.

[Snowy_One]

I would wipe them out of the mall using some form of ranged weapon, worst being a knife from the kitchen/cutlery store tied on to a stick/roll of wrapping paper. Then, when they are all dead, loot the place myself! Once that's done, look outside. If outside is infected, start scouting and use the mall as a base. If not, freedom!

[Fayt Zelpher]

Um, jump into a funeral pyre and kill yourself while also making it impossible for you to become a zombie?

[Death']

Alternate: Hit the place with hair stuff. Come on, there's gotta be one. Collect as many cans of hairspray as you can manage; preferably with a bag. Now go to the card-and-candle shop, there are always those as well. Get a lighter (the safety kind with a handle if you can; no need to blow your hand off).

Whenever a zombie gets near you, flame 'em.

that's so stupid. Zombies can't feel pain so basically they'll be walking around setting the entire mall on fire and killing you instead. :(

Haven't you seen dawn of the dead before?

Edited May 26, 2010 by 6669

[Inactive Account]

They do take burn damage though. Take out their heads (or whatever their , they're done, or just take out their legs; they're not dead, but can't follow you. Furthermore, the human body doesn't make very good fuel; they won't really stay on fire for very long. "Kill it with fire" is a valid strategy.

(If they can regenerate, you're screwed, but then that's stepping outside the realm of "zombies" now isn't it?)

[Phoenix]

I think I'm going to step outside the realm of zombies now ...

*retrieves big ass T90 tank from army bunker, fully stocked ... fully loaded*

*adds flame thrower and coaxial machine gun for kicks*

*drives it to the outskirts of infected zombie turf*

*sips Tampico from a small cup*

*puts on goggles*

*puts on the song "Freedom" by Akon*

*nods at gunner*

BRING IT OOOOOOOOON!!!! >_<

[Mikethfc]

Pretend to be a zombie until you can make it to the Winchester.

[Inactive Account]

The obvious answer is lots and lots of fire.

[Balcerzak]

Lacuna, I am extremely disturbed by your distinctly anti-zombie propaganda. What do you have against the vitally challenged?

[Phoenix]

Zombies are freeloading job eating bastards! They need to start eating fast food like everybody else or go back underground to their own country! Also! They need to learn the damn language of America! English! Not "Braaaains" English mothaf*ckas!! >_<

Lacuna! Man the flamethrower on the tank! Nao! Let's runn'em outta the forest! XD

Is that racist or what?

[Inactive Account]

Who needs tanks? All I need is a certain pair of gloves and years of training...

(Well, without the training, I could probably off all the zombies... I'd just probably light myself on fire in the process.)

[NinjaMonkey]

Pretend to be a zombie until you can make it to the Winchester.

Either this or blow my head off with a shotgun (as a last resort only).

[Phoenix]

Who needs tanks? All I need is a certain pair of gloves and years of training...

(Well, without the training, I could probably off all the zombies... I'd just probably light myself on fire in the process.)

Either this or blow my head off with a shotgun (as a last resort only).

^^ That's why you need a tank XD

[Inactive Account]

"It's not like they have tanks..."

AND THEN THERE WAS A TANK

(Somebody shoot me before I make another FMA reference...)

[NinjaMonkey]

^^ That's why you need a tank XD

So I take it that this tank will be conveniently parked in a spot right near where I arrive, right?