Dealing with unhappiness.

[Jyosua]

Well to be fair, he was ranting about this in the chat. I think he might actually believe what he said. But either way, if he's a troll, he'll lose privileges. If he actually believes that, hopefully he'll resist posting such things in the future. If he continues to do so anyways, he'll lose privileges. I simply replied with what I did in the off chance that he's not a troll, but just a dumbass.

Anyhow, this is all off on a tangent, so further discussion on this matter is not welcome and will be reprimanded. Back to the topic, please.

[Sire]

The following is a somewhat long section about the author and his treatment with despair. The first part is the story, and the second part lists about how he deals with the condition. For all intents and purposes of this very thread, the second part details some opinions and methods about dealing with unhappiness.

* * *

I consider myself shattered for about two years now. The situation in question is rather trivial, and my stubbornness may very well mean the end of me. Alas, full details is for another topic.

Each person reacts differently to unhappiness and depression. Everyone can provide the typical advice, but who truly means what they say? Many have their own methods with coping with harmful emotions, which may cause temporary relief, but may hurt more in the long run. Once, I've been sent to a school counselor. I'll give them an effort award, but it was the same, old, typical bs advice a common man would give. Due to the individuality and difference of factors in each person's life, it is extremely difficult to pinpoint the exact problem from another perspective.

From my own personal experience, the first few months were the worst. After trying in vain to repair the damage, I eventually gave into deep despair. (In a sense, I was a doomsayer.) After a while, a friend said to simply eradicate it from my mind, which I managed to accomplish. However, this meant living in an isolated bubble. Silence is a virtue, and it served me well for the times that passed. I found myself mostly as a lone wolf, due to location issues, but my friends were still around.

The situation itself never fully left as I had informers to tell me what was going on. A few months later and I received a report that there was a new factor through into the mix, which, after more investigation, proved to cause more trouble. A personal observation by myself confirmed such reports, but it only created more problems. Trying to be the person to do what is right and just, I gave warnings about this new factor, but instead of being thanked, I was thrown out by the very people I intended to save. In a year's time, my statement would prove to be correct, but the damage was already done. At this point in time I was still using the isolation bubble method.

The worst and perhaps tragic part about the entire ordeal is that it will never be over. It is no one shot event, something a man can get over with time. With my condition, it only worsens as time passes. While I may have "recovered" from what may have been the worst of it, it will forever be there gnawing at the remnants of a shattered soul. (Whether this fate will be true or not remains to be seen, but hope is fleeting.)

Throughout the entire situation, I managed to maintain a "cloak" so that others do not see into my suffering. There is no need for others to be worried, let them be happy in their own little universe. I managed through without abuse of substances such as drugs, alcohol, or similar risky activities, although in the early stages there exist traces of some physical punishment (bashing one's arm) and strong intents of suicide. Grades may have dropped a few points, but still retained the same high letter grades as in the past.

* * *

Dealing with the condition: (Or, some servings of typical advice)

1: "Seeking Assistance"

For the most part, I would have to disagree with going and finding help. The heart of the matter resides within the victim, others are merely there in an attempt to lead you back into yourself to find the solution. If one seeks assistance, they may rather be seeking guidance back to their core selves where the problem may be fixed.

2: "Assisting Others"

When all hope seems lost and one must walk the roads of life and death, a fate worse than dieing, at the very least the victim may be able to improve other lives. If a woodsman has this condition, he may craft wooden toys for children and hand them out for little or no cost. An artist may paint masterpieces mesmerizing all who gaze upon it. A writer may write in hopes to save another from walking down the same path. An online video gamer may give out free stuff to other players. The pattern continues.

3: "Religious Guidance"

While this may remain cliché to some, it may actually work for the victim. Whether you truly believe in it or not, this route may at the very least cure or lessen the condition. There exist stories of people being saved, and when most other routes seemed closed, why not give it a try? (This was an attempt to remain unbiased in the religious realm. It does not convey the author's beliefs.)

4: "Activities / Hobbies"

As some have already stated, getting into an activity or hobby may keep one's mind off the situation long enough to mostly forget about it. Other times, it is merely a helpful distraction so that the victim can forgot about life or anything else for awhile. Such things can include music, fishing, sports, and even sleeping.

5: "Time Medic"

Another often used phase, "Time heals all wounds." As time passes, depending on the situation itself, it may actually heal and the victim simply forgets or doesn't care anymore. One possible example is that of a drug addict having a child, but because he / she wants what is best for his / her child, he / she quits the substance abuse.

6: "Avoiding the Problem"

This may not be the best way on the route for a cure, but it may lessen the burden. "Cutting all ties" can sometimes work, but may leave scars that may or may not be worth this route.

* * *

Should one be able to overcome these trials...

D*** it, can't write anymore. I'll just leave this post here for you guys to discuss. After reading through some of the posts in this very thread...

I'll just leave it at that.

[Excellen Browning]

I will also list somethings to do, then. These relate to not dealing with a specific problem but with unhappiness in general.

1. Show your gratitude. It might seem strange to list this, but showing gratitude is sort of acknowledging the good things that happen in your life. You could take some time every week and jot down some things that happened you are grateful for or feel good about. Hugging someone, someone complimenting you, someone doing something small for you, someone making you laugh when you need to laugh. They can be small things, they can be very important things, write them down.

2. cultivate your optimism. This one also seems like bullshit, but stay with me. Optimism to people who disagree with me is thinking everything will turn out good and blindly seeing good in everything. While that in itself is noble, it is highly delusional. Optimism is accepting the good AND the bad in life, but attaching a higher value to the good. It might also mean learning to see there is actually something good.

3. Be friendly. Might also be surprising, but being friendly makes you feel better about yourself. You are hardwired to. And you WANT to feel good about yourself. Don't force yourself to put on a smile or sound nice. Being friendly is about the deed itself, not the smile you wear while doing it. Carry your (grand)ma's groceries some time, help someone who asks for help on the street. You might consider helping other people for your gain selfish. Let me just say it isn't. Nothing can be done without some sort of moral compromise.

4. cherish your friendships. Also pretty obvious. One reason to do this is having good friendships will result in having a strong safety net to get you back out, if you fall in the pits. Secondly social interaction is pleasant. Also, don't take your friends (or your lover) for granted.

note: And don't give me that people are dumb and annoying. If your IQ were 150 you'd have somewhat of a right to say that, but you aren't nearly as smart. What you want to talk about are things that have meaning, substance. What other people want to talk about is what they did last weekend, what they're going to do the next one, what books or films they've watched recently and how they think of them. They will stop wanting to talk with you if you try to force them into talking about important matters. There is a time and place for that, but most importantly an amount of trust you must have acquired for them to start opening parts of their real selves to you. People are shy, scared even. They don't want to open themselves because they're afraid they'll get hurt. You could open yourself to them first, or be a fun person to be with at first, and then understand and don't judge them when they start to open up a bit to you. Serious discussion also forces you to open up parts of yourself.

note 2: you should obviously keep up with normal life if you want to have stuff to talk about. Read books, watch recent movies, listen to popular songs at least once to have an actual opinion about them. If you've seen or (partly)read or heard or (partly)played it and thought it was crap, at least you've gained an opinion about it.

5. learn to forgive. Obviousness abounds, it seems. Forgiving is giving closure, whether or not you tell the people who wronged you that you forgive them. I forgive my father for his alcoholism, I forgive my friend for not being there when I needed him most, I forgive the guy who ran me down with his car, I forgive my brother for humiliating me in public. There are a lot of things you are likely to be angry about. Things that happened or someone close to you that appal you, go against your most fundamental beliefs. I don't have to explain to you how trying to get revenge is self destructive and how there is no logical reason to do it. Same as for forgiving. It doesn't take into account your hurt feelings, but the only thing you can do that won't make you end up worse is eventually forgiving. Getting it out of your mind is a temporary solution at best. Sometimes you can't find in yourself the ability to forgive, and I guess that means you need more time to heal. Sometimes you even end up needing so much time you're dead before you forgave whoever wronged you. If it has to be like that then let it be like that, but don't use it as an excuse.

Edited December 28, 2010 by Excellen Browning

[Lux Aeterna]

I'll deal with those questions you set in order.

Dealing with it, living with it,

These two seem the same so I lumped them in the same quote--excuse me if I'm mistaken.

I suppose I'll take examples from last year, since I'd call that the low point of my life. It was unrequited feelings, and boy did it suck. The situation isn't what I'll bring up, but I'll bring forth the way I dealt with it.

After the immediate "sorry I don't feel the same" happened, I subconsciously drew up a defense by ignoring the matter and deciding to say that since that was the first time I've ever confessed to a girl, it was a huge step forward. I went to bed feelings satisfied, but the longer things stretched on, the less that defense worked. It was beginning to sink in that this girl I had strong feelings for just didn't feel the same. And it was crushing me inside.

That's when the real unhappiness hit. I kept hoping that she'd feel the same, but she never did. Worse still? Our friendship fell apart because of my futile attempts. It still isn't the same today, but people change and all...

This sad feeling persisted from December all the way to the very start of April (it would have ended earlier but a second reason reared its ugly head). I became absolutely exhausted.

How did I recover? I'm not entirely sure, but I'm tempted to say that the longer you deal with happiness, the stronger you become (as long as it doesn't last too long, because then it just crushes you). I think the longer I dealt with it, the more excepting I became that the situation was a no-win unless I just walked out on the possibility.

I'll say my strongest defense against any kind of lingering unhappiness is hope: the feeling that there's something to look forward to in the future. Even these days, if things are looking bleak, I just remind myself of how good things are and how good they will be (how much better they'll get). Even if the hope was false, it gave me a reason to keep going, and because of that, I managed to persevere with the help of a few select friends.

Love didn't work out for me then, but I didn't give up on it and it's working for me now.

why you become unhappy

Now as for this, I become unhappy when either something extremely bad happens (like not having your feelings reciprocated), or just when all of the little things in life pile up and bring me down. But shortly after, I experience a mini (or major) resurrection which ultimately makes me stronger and gets rid of the past sadness.

You know? I think we need unhappiness. Life is pretty boring without it, sad to say, but more than that, it makes us better people as long as we just keep moving.

Edited December 28, 2010 by Iksel

[Aleph]

I've typically noticed that I am the happiest when I am not sure how happy I am, perhaps entirely unaware that I even am.

One could then deal with unhappiness by distracting themselves. Isn't that what we all do anyway