Let's Play Fire Emblem Monshou no Nazo

[Maji]

Book 1 Chapter 18: Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones

Wait wuh? What did you do this time, Morodof?

Which makes you think: if Gato has the magical strength to warp an entire army across the world, couldn't he just warp to us to save a few chapters of destroying nations to get to him?

Gato's Magic Count: 4

Makes you sort of wish that he joined the fray (FE3- he's too lazy to join at all) from the start if he's this amazing of a staff flinger. :/

Volcanoes n' shit, gotta love building a town in the middle of a desert! That, and the usual human logic of: "Magic.. fire.. other human.. fire.. magic.."

Because he has nowhere else to hide from the scary explosions heading his way.

This chapter received a 180 degree makeover in FE11, in this version it's just a straight charge to Garnef, whereas in FE11 there's curvy stairs n' shit. But, that's not the biggest change in FE3-11 in this chapter!

So, let's play "guess the real Garnef"!

Yes, 33 uses, and no, there is no obtainable tome of that sort in this game. :( He likes to sit on the throne and troll people with it like he was in Barhara or something.

Two carbon copies of these two, they suicidely run straight into ally lines, and needless to say, it doesn't end as well as they planned.

THEN THIS GARNEF, THE ONE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF EVERYTHING, HOLDING THE FALCHION AND MAPH.

HMM.. WHICH ONE IS REAL?

Then there's gotta be two pussy clones who run away shitting themselves at the sight of anything flinging that stick around like no one's business.

Uh, Marth is straight ahead, you're looking at Tron Garnef, Maph Garnef.

He then gets cocky with his magic book n' all, yeah yeah Garnef, too bad Bishops can't wield the Falchion, eh?

Fun fact: Garnef had these things all this time, why did it only occur to him to rebel against Mediuth until now?

Maph o shi- count: 7

You can start by hiding that megaphone next time you rant about your book. We all know where you are now.

A break from the hard stuff: they only consist of low level Mages and Mercs, they CAN be a surprise and quickly overpower people who chase the pussy Garnefs into corners, but other than that, this chapter isn't that hard if you know what you're doing.

I like how Doga only gained one point of Def this whole time.

And it begins: the manliest fight in the entire game.

Needless to say:

Just as effective as Gordon wielding an axe while trying to fight Raddy.

This time, instead of just blocking Marich like a grade schooler and running away, dem' nebulae floating around somehow in the background hold the bitch down for:

Best spell in Fire Emblem history right here. Sety only wishes that he can create spears from the ether and throw it at someone and impale them with it only for them to promptly explode while space-esque music plays in the background followed by a second round of explosions all while manly nebulae casually passes in the background like that player Marich when he runs into his exes. Compared to the FUCK YEAH-ness of this spell, a violent gust of wind is nothing.

tl;dr- I like explosions, even more when they're in outer space.

PS: Sety Spaghetti is cool too, I guess.

After the whole ordeal, Marich, being a manly figure in this game just sort of floats on over to Garnef's- or what remains of him after two violent explosions within him causing his whole body to implode so bad that it sucked into itself and created a black hole and picks up the Falchion for his bro' Marth.

Finally, in a butthurt moment- which also doubles as his ragequit from getting trolled by pretty much the manliest mage in FE, Garnef decides to take everything bad he ever said about Mediuth (like you know, when he was all like "OH, I'M THE STRONGEST!").

u mad garfieldnef? trollface.jpg

Umm, you would, but too bad Marich has a Blizzard tome to deal with that.. that and he's friends with a fucking dragon. Enjoy your fourteen day ban Garnef.

Miracle Sword Merc favouring, FTW!

So, after the whole bad attempt of trolling, and Marich modding his ass off, Ellis just sort of comes out of the corner from hiding.

"HAPPY, BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH YOUR PERPETUAL MAGEGIRL-NESS."

But with Marich's cold stare over his back, Marth straightens the fuck up.

And bring back a generic boss with 1~1 Rg to waste our team's whole one turn. That, or Camus, oh god, Camus, thank god he didn't have the time to bring Camus back, I'd cry having to fight that dickbutt again. D;

Problem: Morodof is such a good tactician that no one died, so you're useless, go back to Aritia and send us some soldiers or something. That, or bring back Anri so he can do this shit again and Marth can go get drunk or something.

"Say, how much do you think they'd sell that for? I'd love to bring back some war funds!"

Yeah! Pre-Endgame!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

People have things for exclamation marks, and it only gets worse from here on out.

Next Chapter: Marich was a man in this chapter- Chiki is a fucking dragon who flies and saves headaches next chapter. Thomas gets all manly, and two more chapters to the end of Book 1! I'll miss Book 1.

Edited August 25, 2011 by Maji

[Integrity]

Which makes you think: if Gato has the magical strength to warp an entire army across the world, couldn't he just warp to us to save a few chapters of destroying nations to get to him?

Gotoh is a metagamer who decided you needed the XP to knock off Gharnef or he'd shit all over you. Which is probably true. In FEDS. He's got no excuse here.

[Shin]

Thomas has nothing on FE3 Zagaro! Why won't Elice revive her poor daddy? Surely he's a good candidate.

[MasterJP28]

If you've seen the anime you would know the guy was a b**** to Marth so they rather "mourn" than deal with his s*** again. Idk why they don't revive their mother, Linda's father, one of Nina's family members, etc. I guess they're just lazy.

[Maji]

Or we can just bring back Anri, give him the Falchion, give Gato the Warp staff and call it a day without having to do anything. :(

Anyway, next update soon because I have actual time to stir the internet up finally.

[Maji]

Book 1 Chapter 19: Mediuth Isn't the Smartest, or Forgets Things

By who and how you ask? No one will ever know.. you suck Anri, not being able to kill a dragon the right way.

I have to admit, it was kind of fun at times. Hey, anyone remember when Rena almost died getting her healing stick back from the enemy, we fought a war to get it back, Doga accidentally say on it, snapping it in half and we sent Gordon to buy her a new one and she thought it was the one that she originally had? Good times...

What's there to rule if you killed everyone anyway?

So, Mamkutes, Mamkutes, Reserve staff bots and Snipers, that's.. cute.

It seems I went with the EXP gain route here, BUT if you want to two turn this chapter (or even make it less painful if you're one of those anti-Warp people), all you need to do is turn Chiki into a dragon, fly over those mountains to the north, kill the dragon (which is easy if Chiki is favoured thanks to forts and 1~2 Rg breath), Warp, ??????, Profit!

People in FE3 can ignore terrain, and look over mountains n' talk through walls n' shit, no biggie.

And yes, that's FE3's argument to why Mediuth isn't helping wreck things up: despite being the most powerful thing in this world, he's still grounded in his room by Daddy Narga. Sure, why not?

But it isn't some shitty excuse to make Marth good for 20 strokes, in fact it doesn't really do anything. But that's getting ahead of the game.

But, feeling dumb that he doesn't know everything in the world like he should, Morodof smartly changes the conversation, war time!

Ellis- She got the short end of the straw in this version being at Lv. 4 without a good Wlv and sadly, the price of life these days only goes for about 10,000 gold at a shop. But if you really want to spend 100 turns in one battlefield staff botting, dat 90% Wlv growth is useful, I guess, but no so useful is her 10% Str.

Demon Dragons are weird like that, being tanky (especially since he's sitting on a gate), but aren't the best fighters out there. So for that, he is surrounded by Fire Dragons.

One way to do things now these days is Marth's new pimp cane:

Which, does... that on a critical strike which happens amusingly lots, but too bad Marth can't climb over mountains to get to the boss by turn 1, eh?

Dragon Killer!Raddy!Critical is pretty gnarly too.

But screw em, Partia is suddenly the most manliest weapon in the game, who knew Nina had given Thomas a flamethrower?

Not to mention: it does that on every Mamkute/Promote kill. Now do you see how Archers are deadly in FE3, seeing as you get both the Manual (+5 Wlv/Auto Partia equip for Thomas) and the Partia in the chapter Thomas joins? Granted, I only just started favouring Thomas in this chapter, but if you want a cheap run, just favour Thomas, or even Gordon, Partia is broken shit.

Tell that to someone who isn't holding a Dragon Killer sword, Oguma doesn't give a shit.

YOU GOT KILLED BY SOMEONE WHO ISN'T PROMOTED, GOOD GOD, MEDIUTH, YOU SHOULD HAVE AT LEAST LEFT SOME STRONG PEOPLE IN YOUR COUNTRY INSTEAD OF SENDING THEM ALL OUT TO DIE.

Holy Mr. Potatohead! Some people can pull off the whole bald thing spectacularly (i.e: Voldemort) but you, Mister... are another story.

Even despite Marth being deep inside him already, he's still going to give our blue haired kid a hard time.

Endgame disappointing boss fights!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, Garnef told me to go to Hell inb4 rage quit, and nothing happened, just what do you think you're going to do?

Next Chapter: It was fun at times, but it's almost over now, Maji makes a deal with the Devil, ring whores, boring, anti-climatic chapters and ending the game in a non-canonical way!

Edited August 25, 2011 by Maji

[FionordeQuester]

Maybe the Aum Staff has a one year time limit?

[Maji]

Chapter Endgame- Book 1 Part 1: What's an RNG?

Minus the fierce part seeing as all the strong generals in Durhua were killed, leaving the gate virtually wide open. :/

Wasn't the brightest of ideas, seeing as there's apparently sixteen people allowed to fight at once, wtf Aritia rules? So now there's groups of four spread about the battlefield discombobulated and disorganized, good job Morodof.

Then 100 years later, it will happen all over again, and over, and over and over, fun, fun..

Mediuth- The RNG Gods hate him it seems, and not to mention, Misheil was at Lv. 20, the least they could have done was make him at Lv. 20 too. D;

Yeah, yeah, so that's why you have the body of a human, AND put all your hopes into humans to saving the world, go to bed Gato.

Don't put pressure on me, mister, we beat Camus, and we can beat some RNG screwed dragon too. D<

"Return- once again?" Why can't we just dissect him so he doesn't come back, cause obviously he knows how to escape from this dark place if he did it before. :/

Of course he isn't in the mood for eternal despair like every other character in this game, so he does his thing and...

..burrows himself into the ground and abruptly digs himself up again.

RUUUUUN, IT GODZILLA!(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you're the typical dramatic person in FE3 with lines)

So endgame.. ironically, there's nothing really to write home about, if you act fast and kill all the Mamkutes before they transform, all you have to worry about is the orgy of promoted units scattered throughout the field, then after two turns, it's a straight march to Mediuth.

Look who you're talking to, should you really be fucking with Axefighters who have max Skl/Spd thanks to ring whoring?

As much as I would like to say I solo'd Mediuth with Maji, it couldn't happen, seeing as only the Devil Axe (with only 9 uses mind you) could hurt him, and on a critical, it still only did 15 Dmg, and I actually took the time to ring whore Maji in the last chapter with the Secret Shop there selling every single stat boosting thing and unlimited stock. :/

Not to mention, there's reinforcements in this chapter with Reblow who constantly cast it on Mediuth.

But, for love for Axefighters sake, and to give the programmers of FE3 the finger, he did get the final hit!

I dunno, maybe because you are still half asleep and grounded?

So everybody be good, or he'll come back and Maji'll have to do this all over again! D;

Jesus Christ, that's like the standard thing for 1990s final bosses to say! , that, or they all just want to be like Zoma from Dragon Warrior III, he was the original emo final boss.

And because Dokutayuu requested JUST as I got to this chapter for stats. D; Book 2 will have this every three or so chapters, I promise!

So, Gordon and Navarre were my failures/neglect and Caesar was ironically my biggest attacker (then again, I gave him BOTH the Star Orb and Miracle Sword for rapid level gain and good stats, and a lot of promote kills). As seen, I ring whored Maji for those stats, but axes are bad in this game, so he STILL had a hard time doubling and hitting at certain points with his Steel Axe . :/ Chiki was epic as usual, she was my drama queen slayer.

Good God, Marth's Pa sucks, and Anri must've been just a normal, average soldier, Mediuth sucked and got chopped in half by perv's axe wielded by Maji.

Can't we just sink this land so it doesn't ever come back? Gato probably has the magic to destroy an entire country.

Minus the fact that 90% of people are probably dead.

Ahh, it was fun, next time, someone remind Akaneia that their axes have problems cutting through butter, yet alone dragons.

Oh hey, it's that whorish girl that Marth had no affiliation to rather than saving her country!

Then Marth will take all the men and recruit them himself, and you'll miss out on all the fun and trade chaining!

Woah, she's still with us? I thought we left her to say sorry to Camus's frozen corpse over and over again.

Go out with Nina, Marth, she's the only girl who bothered talking to you for the whole duration of this game!

Damn it Marth, you're missing out! Nina had a flamethrower and many other weapons she hid on us, Sheeda only had a Silver Spear that she stole from Jeigan anyway!

And that is how the worst, most rushed pairing came to be.

Tune in next chapter for:

Where I make alternate endings so they aren't so generic as well as show the repetitive, boring ones.

[Shin]

Saji is still cool! Who's going to be your favourite next book?

[Integrity]

salut, book 1.

Now on to things I haven't seen before! Excelsior!

[Maji]

With Maji taking the manly route axing trees for the rest of his life, I'll probably focus all my love for Paola- as much as I hate to conform, but she's always been a personal favourite of mine in the Akaneian saga. That, or Nina, Nina's cool, I wonder if Tron can do damage against the final boss?

And I still have to do the Records of War chapter, which will be up shortly once I find out how to divide it seeing as it's quite over the img count. D;

[Maji]

Chapter Endgame Book 1: Part 2: To See ___'s Ending, Look At ____'s Ending

As in most endings are very similar to other peoples. :/

I will be referencing FE12 recruitment placements in lots of people's ending, so if it's a total WAT ending for you, it's probably because I made an FE12 reference.

[spoiler=Aritean Knights]

First things first, the template: "____ returns to _____ to ______" then if they're important, there's some sort of rumour to go along, don't question the laws of FE3 endings.

Extra emphasis on ideal, as in not giving advice every eight or so chapters, but all the time, MORODOF.

Where he or Est then go on to get whacked in the face with an axe and OHKO'd for their stupid reinforcement trap.

"Been rumours of his upcoming wedding..."

You mean there's another love story even more rushed than Sheeda and Marth's? =o

*fist shake* your Def growth better compliment that extra layer of brawn or fat.

"Aritia Knights along with his younger brother"

Oh God, the shota gets 100x worse in Book 2. D;

As the world apparently forgot these "certain reasons" that caused him to retire/he suddenly realized that he might be able to do something with a Silver Sword and near cap Spd

Not like there's nothing more she can do, even going for a nice Spring breeze walk could possibly ORKO her.

[spoiler= Dream Team Talis]

"for Aritia and to Marth's company."

"Hi dad, it was a fun journey, but gonna go sleep with Marth now, bye!"

"has an idol, for there are no rumours of him marrying."

He also likes to help children in his spare time.

He was later found in a village in Macedonia. Damn teleportation logs popping up where they're least convenient!

Copy/pasta makes me a sad boy.

What they really mean is the landing blow that finished Mediuth that wasn't landed by Marth made a loophole in the fabric of space and time, so he had to go in there and casually attend to that.

"rumoured that he became a pirate..."

But really, they mean that he later then gets busted by Oguma on spying on Ricardo in the woods and out of awkward moments, he stops being a land pirate-thingy.

Because Sheeda is a one time only kind of girl and refuses to pay him any more gold.

[spoiler=Idiot Squad]

Unlike Marth who had his chance at happiness, Hardin picks the right path and marries the girl of many weapons.

"restore the nation."

Well good for him, more people need to-

...

GOD DAMN! He also fixes cars in his spare time and enjoys "leisure time" at public parks and washrooms.

"Hey Hardin, buddy pal of mine, I didn't like my life, can I come back, with a promotion all for squat?"

[spoiler=Macedonian Minions]

Is also known for going for leisure walks in dangerous places and still hasn't found out that her Relieve Staff is quite broken.

"Flirtatious Thief" I dunno, still looks like a thief to me. :/

Despite the fact that 90% of the people dismayed when Misheil didn't do what he promised- putting him to death on the battlefield.

"sister she served her citizens"

What's wrong with being a Princess, can't they serve their citizens too? D;

"are rumours that she will succeed the throne... but she denies them."

Well, who else is there to take the throne? :/

Not even an "As an _______?" D;

"I think my sister is dating a pedo, ah well, I'm sure nothing bad will come of it!"

If you can't take the hint, there's only one person in the Aritean knights who wasn't married to their weapon by the end of Book 1.

[spoiler=Warren Likes their Men Rough]

(of course that's going to be a bad, bad reference in Book 2 where there is a guy named Warren, but meh.)

At least he was nice enough to give back the Miracle sword! And what ever happened to his job at Warren? D;

"discarded his sword"

Not to mention, being Caesar's partner.

[spoiler=Khadein Snobs]

"to Khadein"

Besides my hinting in Ch. 18, does the game even imply that anywhere?

"every country"

Only unlike the other Bishop before him, he didn't brag about his book every chance he had.

[spoiler=Akaneian Things]

Fan art also depicts that she developed two very, very large possibly cancerous growths right on her chest from casting so much light Aura-y magic.

Despite the fact that Thomas is running circles around every bow user by now.

"Akaneia Knights."

This I'm fine with, Astria is better off getting drunk in a dingy pub, LOLTOMTHANDMISHELAN, Thomas is locked to bows as is George, process of elimination

But can't really do much because Marich reduced his Tron tome to dust.

"Yes, finally, I'm in a recognizable position in life, bye!"

But Mishelan gets no such luck, so he just ragequits.

Because no one knows how to look in villages in Gra apparently.

And you should know what the rest is going to say, it's like a broken record. :x

"to restore his homeland. Recently there have been rumours of his upcoming wedding"

At least they're nice enough to copy/pasta the end of Abel's ending at the end of there just to change things up.

[spoiler=Here there Be Dragons]

Bingo Fridays on all bridge villages.

Bingo is the way to go!

[spoiler=Grunian Butthurtery]

"later banished by Akaneia for his opposing views"

And in a butthurt raggggge, he has also been developing this thing called a bomb, maybe he'll perfect it someday.

[spoiler=2 Kool 4 Skool]

No one's gunna tell dis' low leveled man how to live his life, yo'

Hopefully this time he can remember that he has innate Thief abilities.

Get in line with all the other whimsical people, I don't think Thomas will be finishing up any time soon

Book 2 Book 2!

[Lord Raven]

enjoy your axe users

[Maji]

I'm back!... for five or six screenshots, I really need to stop finding excuses to not work on homework...

Transition: Why We Can't Have Anything Nice

wat.

I like BBQs.

I wonder how much Sheeda sagged? By that I mean her face, perverts.

Why not?

Clearly, it is shown that in the canon-land, Marich jumped high into the sky and fired off a big Lightning spell at him, killing Mediuth, yay, odd artwork!

Boring rehash consisting of: "Of much suffering... Mediuth killed, everyone who was of much suffering was now helping their nations of much suffering, much suffering, much suffering, and so on"

WHY ISN'T THERE ANY AXES OR BOOKS BEING HELD UP?!

Now for the interesting shit:

Naming a country's title the same as the nation they just went to war with makes as much sense as me in a debate. :/

Why can't we ever have a nice Empire in a video game? :(

Tune in next chapter for tl;dr, shota, everyone magically forgets how to fight and the best part in this game.

ts;dr- Hardin really did get to see Nina without her bump-its in her hair, everyone who was suffering we don't really give a shit about any more and Akaneia became an Empire for whatever reason, you suck at this Hardin.

Edited September 26, 2011 by Maji

[Integrity]

BBD!

I missed BBD.

And you, for that matter.

[Excellen Browning]

BBD... God I hate FE5. (random post to get this into the my content thing)

[Maji]

Book 2 Chapter 1: Super/Famicom/Gameboy/Advance/Whatever Wars Meets FE

Note: I had to summarize a lot (honestly, more than I feel comfortable with), dat 50 IMGs only in a post rule.

...

Shown ten pictures ago. Five years is the right time in Book 2.

Woo, Jeigan replaces Morodof- who at least stayed out the the way unlike Jeigan who doesn't shut the fuck up? Other not so exciting news is Marth's wedding with Sheeda is coming up in a few days, nothing can go wrong!

Here, Hardin cockblocks Marth, Akaneia royalty is full of dickery and apologetic women. His reason being Grunia is rebelling from the EMPIRE, so he sends one of the smallest kingdoms in Akaneia to subdue them while he sits at home comfortably with his large EMPIRE army.

Marth likes to make statements and abruptly ask a question pertaining to his statement a lot.

Y'know, apart from the fact a bunch of people are looking right at us with axes and bows, nothing's the matter~. Oh yeah, Lawrence is the rebel leader, DUN DU- oh yeah, he's the only Grunian guy alive.

Oh noez, he used the word "slaughter" and "hidden royal Grunian children" in one sentence, he's automatically a bad guy!

Then Marth pulls the Generic Hero #263 on Lang and tries to tell him that's wrong, and Lang, being awesome accuses Marth of conspiring with Grunia, plot!

Upon Lang's departure and awesome ass-ness, Marth immediately starts gossiping, why you ask?

Jeigan doesn't answer, or even give Marth 30,000 coins and slink off for the next eight chapters, I miss Morodof already.

Marth, you're fighting FE3-style axefighters, last chapter/five years ago, you were fighting Shooters with Elephants, like Christ!

Shameless archetype-self-advertising!

Yes Jeigan, I think we all know how to play FE, go state the obvious somewhere else.

You'll find Jeigan is quite the pro at stating the obvious as this LP progresses.

...

Finally, fight time! Hopefully the state-the-obvious fair wasn't that bad for you! D;

Marf is actually quite good with his bases in Book 2, it is almost impossible to fuck him up.

Luckily Doga retains his 40% growths in Spd and Skl, and has a decent base Def to make up for his ironic crappy Def growth.

Gordon is still awesome, and Partia comes early like Book 1, but:

Ryan- has a marginal Skl growth advantage than Gordon. I use them both anyway,

1.) Book 2 has a fetish for flying things

2.)Archers in FE3 are cool!

Arbitrary Jeigan, I'm thinking IS just threw darts at Pally characters in Book 2 and the dart hit him.

Luke- has awesome HP growths, but compared to his other random newbie friends with no story attached to them, he's nothing else.

Cecil- being a girl of the 1990s, she has meh-ish Str, but good Spd/Skl, she's awright in my eyes, 30% is a frighteningly average Str growth in FE3.

What's Leaf with green armour doing here

Rody- my favourite starting Social, not only does he look a little bit like my favourite lord in the series, but he has offence, which I am a whore for, and decent everything else!

-what the fuck is a My Unit?-

And the boss, as shown, if he remembered to visit the storeroom for a Silver Lance, we'd all be fucked.

...I think IS needs to go read the definition of what a twin means.

If she can wield a bow or shoot Aura-y magic, no such luck from me!

Then again, we have enough children running around as it is.

Marth, being quite the figure, looks directly down and notices something's wrong.

If an eighteen year old can pull off the ten year old look, I don't even want to know what's going on.

Suddenly, the urge for Marth to take this girl has since doubled.

Yeah, yeah, you're not coming with us.

Not really, give it two years, Sheeda did it at twenty.

Malliesia- Seeing as she gets: A- two personal staves B- joins early and C- has decent growths you'd have to be daft not to use her, or not like using slutty girls.

Slogging our way forward, we are faced with more bombshell mania, Talis is in on this too. Only, he was only going to send Oguma to send to kids to the not-so-politically-stable, but:

Bratty Princess who uses staffs and throws tantrums? Check.

Please, we haven't even touched you yet.

So, being bossed around by the Princess figure and ultimately not pursuing her, they decide to do.. that, better hurry Oguma, we're ridin' your ass faster than you can reach Lang.

Or what's left of it, as clearly you could arm your troops, would at least an Iron Lance be too much to scrounge up?

He then rants about how bad Hardin is, and how he's responsible for sending Lang here to purposely piss Grunia off and force them to rebel so Akaneia can kill everyone there and rule it.

I would think Marth would question that when he became the EMPEROR, cockblock'd Marth's wedding, raised a giant army in a decade of peace, etc.

Odd, I didn't screenshot it, but basically, all he says is to help the royal brats we're going to off because imperial orders, then he:

what

WHAT

JESUS CHRIST, NO MATTER WHY WALKING HURT YOU, YOU WERE STUFFED WITH BOMBS! BOMMMMMMBS!

FE3 is awesome because of this one scene, everything else is perpetual 1990s drama.

Ahem, after Marth stylishly poses for his explosion jump, which had 100+ different angles, we get back to the main game.

I don't think it works that way either, see, we're here to KILL you.

Here, it gets all tl;dr/generic hero, Marth subtly tells Lang to fuck off, but it ends as well as when Dorothy was trying to negotiate with Aunty Em to keep Toto. So with nothing else to do, we gotta rescue Minerva from bad guys, AGAIN.

Naw, really? I would'a think killing your superior would give you a promotion. :/

Fine, but there better be better looking women who can actually FIGHT there.

Next chapter- women who actually know how to FIGHT, Maji with blond hair, random friendship and having to fight promoted enemy units in the second chapter!

[Integrity]

holy shit did that actually splode?

[Epic Fail]

Is this still going or are you too busy?

[Maji]

I plan to get back to this/leisure internet time altogether sometime soon. Luckily the midterm rush is over and I handed in my big essay that I totally typed and BS'd at 2AM last night, so I should have time to continue this.

In fact, while I'm screwing around, I should do an update, why the hell not?

[Maji]

Book 2 Chapter 2: Where Marth is Still an Idiot

So, Minerva did that because Chiki apparently didn't kill them all when we were in the area, and they got pissed off and kidnapped her because she sort of told them all to fuck off and didn't give them anything, leaving to rot on the streets.

This is the person who came up with this half baked plan, and his character is sort of half baked himself, more on that later.

Right.. so three promoted flying units, millions of Socials and a couple of small flies to harass the group, keep in mind this is only the second chapter of the game.

And don't even bother trying to rush him with your favourite Social, Gordon and Ryan to the rescue!

In the meantime, Katua was just sort of circling the Hunter infested woods waiting for Marth to show up.

Woo, hope you enjoyed Katua's whole two lines.

To make up for her lack of importance, IS threw in fantastic stats, and the ability to fly which helps tremendously in obnoxious maps like this.

In which he's on the other side of the map with all the Hunters which only Katua can reach before he runs off the map. This.. is going to be..... fun.

And soon we'll escape with this Lady Sword, providing Katua doesn't get sniped.

Note to self: don't take Archers in dense areas.

Shit! SHIT!

-reset- what makes this chapter worse is that the Dragon Knights are aggressive and will attack the minute you get in their range.

But... if you get to the Thief quickly, dismount, equip this baby, Katua now has a reason to dismount outdoors.

Maybe he'll have the brains not to pick on girls who have overpowered swords that have magical woman only attributes to them?

Another reason to dismount Katua- so she doesn't have to put up with these dicks to get to him.

Katua would make a better Sheeda, anyone would make a better Sheeda, Marth married a nobody.

A quick "You're wrong" from Katua, and this cryptic figure who is apparently friends with Katua joins us.

Warren- Good to see the Maji hairstyle is catching on in Akaneia! Anyway, Warren is interesting in that he trades basically all his stats (anything not HP/Str/Skl is 10-20%) for good offence and skill. This is a bad thing, as an FE3 bow user without the ability to rapidly gain WLV to auto equip the Partia and not being able to double?

Rebels capture people? Naw, you're kidding!

In case you're wondering why the hell she'd come all the way from the EMPIRE, Nina is a boss and senses shit's going to go outta whack, so she sent Linda to help Marth.

Pleasebeflamethrowerpleasebeflamethrowerpleasebeflamethrower...

FUCK! USELESS ITEMS! Damn it Nina, if you have the time to be giving me gifts, then give me something useful for once!

Marth really doesn't know that Hardin is bad yet, even after Linda basically walked around the world to tell him. :/

Woo I guess?

Next chapter- An awesomely sexy broken woman, more broken stuff and gameplay tedium like there's no tomorrow.

[Epic Fail]

You still alive, Maji?

[Maji]

Actually, I do have most of Ch. 3 done on a document, but for some reason, I didn't upload the rest of Ch. 3 on my Photobucket, so I got lazy. I hope I can upload those pictures soon before the procrastination beast delays me further.

[Maji]

Book 2 Chapter 3: Winged Ponies.. OF RAGE

Here, they go a little into the history of Macedonia, but it essentially is a copy/pasta of Aritia's, only they were Durhua's neighbours and weren't a nation yet, so they go wrecked sooner.

Replace Iote with Anri:

But the whole Minerva getting captured by rebels thing, and who cares about Maria?

Oh, well, I just got back from fighting-

O lawd. D;

So yeah, bring Gordon and Ryan FE3 is saying.

We are auto-introduced (re-introduced?) to the sexiest woman in FE3 talking to some guy she has no previous affiliation to, why the hell not?

Damn it Rena, I told you to stay away from scary mountains, rescue yourself this time, I ain't playing games with you no more!

Welp, that's one way to get rid of the only good natural healers in Book 1.

Why couldn't you search villages before? It'd save valuable turn counts.

IS's way of highly recommending you use her: can auto promote, has access to a plethora of weaponry, is sexy, very sexy, half capped bases, joins in third chapter and has god-like growths. I like IS for this.

Aura and Resire gears her to be one of the best (IMO-the best, although that's up for debate) mage in Book 2, this way, she can almost OHKO most things, and Resire lets her tank.

Luring is abundant in Book 2, unfortunately, Resire isn't.

Upon enemy phase, apparently, Chiki failed to do the job assigned to her five years ago in that she failed to freeze Mishiel and kill everyone in Macedonia. So now, this guy's still alive bombshellin' mai Book 2.

Or the part that Minerva fired him without compensation, and his family is starving cause he doesn't have a job?

Oh, well thank you for making my hard efforts of breaking into the country for not, jerk.

He then flies away, and no one makes any mention to it, as we continue to fight to rescue Minerva, who isn't there any more.

Criticals are amusing.

To one's fortune, the four Dragon Knights in the mountains don't move, but have awesome things.

An extra stick for Paola to continue fucking things up? GIMME!

This is a trivial line:

In which going to the shop and buying shit appears to not hold truth to this fact as nothing bad happens.

Let's take a peek at our boss who was important for two whole chapters, as seen, if you don't use Linda on him, then best of luck! Good to see that 1~1 RG is still alive n' kickin'.

Take note at his Taurus thing. That is called a Star Orb Fragment, and what it does is boost the growth rates of a specific stat(s), so if it increases STR growth, it is entirely possible to stack them all on a Mage for a 100+% growth in STR. In FE12, they are less helpful, only permitting temporary boosts in stats.

Here, FE3!B2 is a dick.

As they take pleasure in rubbing the fact that there are NO axe users AT ALL in Book 2 who join you.

Hate you all, IS.

Clearly, his ending said he'd be chillin' somewhere in Macedonia, why the surprise, Mr. Marf?

Apparently not, Julian is the best protector ever!

Not another one! D; You'd think after watching Garnef be blown to pieces, they'd get the point!

-With that, he joins to look for Rena, even if we're not going to even bother to look for her.

Progressing further earns us something actually WORTH talking about. What is amusing is his pre-battle speech is a carbon copy of what he said in Book 1.

If someone gets picked on my Machis, they must really be low on the lifeform scale. -__-

This is a rather corny recruitment scene, but that's why I love it, who the hell calls their sister cute anyway?

She's more interested in playing Princess Peach than settle down with Mr. Loincloth here.

Machis is the kind of guy who can be persuaded in one sentence.

"Those aren't poisoned, because I said so!"

With that, he tags along, dear God, that's the second time Macedonia pushed him around!

Machis is still Machis, if Socials are your cuppa tea, Rody should be pouring gallons of tea out by now.

Julian on the other hand: you're semi-forced to use him for later reasons, and he still has his awesome Book 1-ness, so he has a permanent place in the party.

He says even though he can't reach anyone with his range.

Hahahahahaha, fucker.

I favoured Marth a lot, in this playthrough I made the mistake of benching Paola for a few chapters, but I'm still going to use her later on.

Everyone else: meh, they'll grow as time progresses.

Apparently, looking across the river to see Mishiel carry her sister away is too much of a chore for them, whereas looking over a mountain in Book 1 was no problem at all.

But enough of these conspiracy theories, boss figure magically surfaced!

Lang apparently didn't have the brains to kill those kids in Ch. 1 even though he had the chance to do so for God knows how long, days?

But your emo-rebel years are over though! D;

Oh noes, Lang is going to tell on us, runnnnn!

Good luck with that, Jeigan, I don't even think you even got Exp in Book 1..

General being able to move fast? What kind of sick world is this?!

You don't even have an on-world sprite, I think you are quite wrong there mister.

Who just so happens to be in Macedonia looking for WINdell's secret cabin.

Next chapter: even more broken characters, two against the world, and ma' fucking Vikings man!

[Second Pronoun]

General being able to move fast? What kind of sick world is this?!

He must have used some boots