Rewjeo Writes a Story!

[Rewjeo]

So, I've had this story in my head since like fifth grade and it's slowly evolved. Parts of it have been written down, then rewritten, then rerewritten, then completely changed, and so on. This is the result of the last few nights of sleeplessness on my attempt to rewrite it. I'd like to get it really going this time, though, so I figured I'd put it somewhere on the internet to push me to keep working on it. I'm just starting out writing, so any constructive criticism is gladly welcomed (in this topic) and please do post. Even if you don't really have much to say, please post so I at least know if people are reading this. Again, constructive criticism is gladly welcomed. Especially given the circumstances in which I usually end up working on this. Yay being exhausted and not being able to sleep! Also, I need a name. I suck at naming things. The musical piece I'm currently working on is titled "String 7" because it is the 7th piece I've written for a string orchestra. Also, I'm writing it in Word, so formatting and changing fonts and stuff isn't gonna show up here. Well, without further ado, the story so far:

Prologue

Armored bodies ran through the breach in the wall of the castle. Thunder clapped in the sky above the battle. The guards of Gassad were cut down before they could react. The occasional flash of lightning gleamed off of majestic white armor. Kertankuse, the Silver General of Guldar, had come.

Soon the Gassadian guards had organized themselves, holding the inner castle. Kertankuse and his men charged, leaving a bloody trail in their wake.

A Gassadian soldier burst into the king’s chamber. “Lord Jyron! We’re under attack! You must esc-!“ The soldier began to choke on his blood as a lance grew from his gut.

As the body collapsed to the floor, a flash of lightning revealed the gleaming white armor of Kertankuse, and the calm on Lord Jyron’s face.

Kertankuse pointed his lance at his victim. “I’m sorry, Lord Jyron, but your time is up.”

The king walked out into the open, in full battle gear. “Is that so?” Jyron drew his sword. The gilded, intricate handle of the blade and the emerald embedded in its pommel seemed to glow in the flickering torch light as it left its equally ornate scabbard. The blade itself was razor sharp, and without a single scratch. Kertankuse’s lance, on the other hand, was a crude, but effective, weapon. It had a simple wooden shaft topped by a short blade, both scarred by countless chips and scratches.

Kertankuse asked, “Do you always sleep in full battle gear, old man?” as he motioned for one of his soldiers to attack.

“A little bird told me you were coming.” Two bodies.

“I apologize, Your Highness,” sounded, almost genuinely, amongst the muffled battle sounds, “I didn’t mean to hurt your pride!” Two more soldiers lunged. Four bodies.

“I tire of this, general, a-“ Jyron gestured with his hand towards the wall behind Kertankuse. Kertankuse turned to look, and Jyron took the chance to charge.

“Not so fast, old man!” the White General grunted as he blocked the slash with the shaft of his spear. The sword had nearly cleaved the shaft in two. Kertankuse kicked Jyron back, pulling the sword out of the lance. Kertankuse split the shaft and threw the blunt end away, shattering a window.

“I guess it wasn’t all that small a bird.” Jyron charged again. In a quick flourish, Jyron found himself disarmed and with a hand at his throat. He was pushed to the window, and, with one motion, Kertankuse severed the belt with the gilded scabbard and plunged his spear tip into Jyron’s chest. He brought himself close to Jyron, and whispered, “Goodbye, Lord Jyron,” and shoved him out of the window.

“Good bye.”

Chapter 1

Prologue

A gentle breeze from the north and a soft warmth from the sun. The birds were chirping and the squirrels were chattering in the trees all around me. The crystal clear water in the streams shimmered in the sunlight, and the green leaves on the trees seemed to glow under the cloudless blue sky.

But hidden in this perfect green wood there was silence, except for the rustling of the leaves in the wind and the crackle of leaves underfoot. Even the water was still. There not a sign of any living or moving thing besides the trees. In contrast to the thriving forest I had just seen, this new, eerie setting put me on edge.

And then, a jet black figure came down onto a branch not an arm’s length in front of me, spreading feathers all around. It was a raven, a prophetic figure, often telling of misfortune or bloodshed. Or so it is said, if you believe in those things. The raven cawed raucously several times and seemed to point at my hand.

I gestured to show that I didn’t have anything in hopes it would leave, but it persisted. “I don’t have any food for you,” I said as I began to walk past it, somehow expecting it to understand me. Then it flew back in front of me, settled down in the middle of the path, and continued to call out. This time, it seemed to be pointing towards where I had been standing, but there was nothing there.

I looked farther down the line, and what I was there astounded me. A group of what I estimated to be forty soldiers dressed in blue armor. The blue armor of Guldar. But what were they doing there? This force was far too small to be an invading army, and the castle of Gassad was between here and Guldar. It made no sense for them to be patrolling so far away. I had been gone for too long. I had to get to Gassad and see what had happened. The raven made a strange, low sound- almost a laugh- and flew away.

~~~~~

A warm light very different from that of the flickering torches emitted seeped in from around the door. The last of Gassad’s armed soldiers hid down in the cellars, where the only thing that separated them from Kertankuse’s army was a thick oak door. They had barricaded this door after fighting back a wave of Kertankuse’s troops in the hopes that they could hold out until something happened.

They had also set up a barricade of barrels and shelves from which to fire arrows, throw javelins, rocks, whatever other projectiles were handy. There were only a handful of soldiers left down there. The highest ranking and elected leader, Fyrro, his sister, who had learned to mend wounds, but decided the axe was more to her liking, Seloh, who had only recently and resentfully become a soldier, Slize, one of the few horsemen of the valley, and Flygnyr, an archer, and the youngest there.

The floor was slick with all sorts of drink, and in the dim lighting the haphazard arrangement of tables and barrels and benches and whatever else was down there was difficult to traverse, to say the least. Had Guldar’s soldiers known the situation in there, they would have likely left them in the dark for however long it took for them to surrender. But they didn’t know this, and the first three in slipped down the stairs. The next one was hit in the stomach with an arrow before he could enter, and fell back. The rest tried to clamber haphazardly over the barricades. A few more were killed, but most, after slipping, tripping, and falling were forced to scramble out over the same obstacles that had plagued them going in.

“Haha, yeah! Can’t even handle some benches and wine you…” Flygnyr, the archer, continued to ramble on as Slize, the horseman, began to mention Flygnyr’s accuracy, but decided against it.

Fyrro’s sister, however, wasn’t so keen on keeping her mouth shut. “I don’t know that you’ve handled the wine well, either. You missed! A lot.”

Before Flygnyr could respond, they heard a voice outside the door- probably a captain or some such thing- and some whimpering- probably the soldiers who had made it out of the cellars. Fyrro, highest ranked there, hushed the others and told them to listen.

“Imbeciles! I bet didn’t even-“ “No, no, sir! We” “Hah! I bet you’ve just been too eager to get into the liquor!” “How? Those guys are still holding off in the-“ There was a loud bang, at which the few soldiers of Gassad jumped, and then the whimpering got louder.

Just as they relaxed, there was another bang as the door flung open and smashed into the wall. An arrow whizzed past the man’s face as he stood in the doorway. He instantly dropped to the ground and yelped, “Go! Go!” No one moved. He slowly stood up, attempting to regain his dignity. “Fine then.” The door slammed shut again. “We’ll just let them rot there!”

“Y’ missed!”

“Shaddup! It got him out of here, didn’t it?”

~~~~~

Rewjeo walked into town. More of Guldar’s soldiers. There was a woman passing by him carrying some bread. “Excuse me, ma’am.”

“Yes?”

He walked up closer to her, “What’s happened here?”

“Hm? You don’t know? Guldar sent an army here a few nights ago- you know, the night there was that big storm?”

“Mhm.”

“Well, they came and took over! Killed Lord Jyron, too!”

Rewjeo stood there, shocked for a moment. He had guessed as much, but to realize just how real it was was almost too much. “Hey!” A soldier and seen them talking. “You, there. Whadderya doin’?”

“Oh, sorry, sir. Just getting some bread.” He looked at the woman.

“Ah. Yes, sir. Just bread.”

The three just stood there for a moment. “Well, go on, take the bread! I won’t stop ya’.”

“Right, here you go” Rewjeo pulled some money out of his pocket, handed it to her, grabbed some bread, and started to walk off.

The soldier called after them, “Hey, whatt’re yer names? I’m not stupid. We need t’know what’s happenin’ with the common folk.”

“Mary, sir. My husband’s the local baker. Can I go now?”

“Sure. And you?”

Rewjeo was caught in a bad situation, but he had a plan, “Me? Oh, um, I’m Chigau. I’m a historian studying in Ilyarium. I’ve decided to wander the land to learn more. I was wondering…”

~~~~~

“So, you’re Chigau? Tell me, Chigau, do you have a last name? What does your family do?” Kertankuse lounged in the throne of Gassad.

“I’m Chigau Damasu, sir. My family is a family of scholars, sir. My mother is in medicine and my father studies animals.” Rewjeo may not have felt particularly calm, but he wouldn’t let it show. At least, he wouldn’t let it show as anything other than nerves at talking to such an important figure.

“And tell me, Chigau Damasu, why would you leave Ilyarium, the center of knowledge, to learn?”

“Things get corrupted and lost in the journey, sir. If I go to the history, that’s not a problem. I can’t believe my luck, stumbling across an event like this in my journeys, sir!”

“And you want to, er, document it?”

“Yes! I would like to ask for your permission to move freely about the castle and town, sir.”

“And why should I let you do that?”

“Why, there’s more to a story than its title! If all you knew was dates of events, history wouldn’t be worth studying.”

“And I should trust you because?”

“I’m no soldier, sir. I don’t know how to prove that I am who I am, but there’s not much a scholar could do.”

“Of course. How foolish of me to suspect you.” Kertankuse drummed his fingers on the arm of the throne. “Alright, I’ll make sure you have a room. I look forward to reading this documentation of yours, Chigau Damasu, historian of Ilyarium. I imagine it will prove invaluable to me.”

“Certainly, sir. I would be glad to share it with you.”

Edited July 29, 2011 by Rewjeo

[Vicious Sal]

First thing I noticed:

Scrap this, and your prologue is great:

Castle Gassad slept quietly. The town surrounding Gassad was silent and still, with the exception of the occasional hooting owl or stray dog’s howl. And then, in an explosion of chaos, the silence was lost to Gassad.

[Rewjeo]

I think that was the first line I ever wrote of this story and I kept it in there sort of as a throwback to being eleven or whatever. Also, I have never been able to figure out what else to write there.... Is it the content of those lines that you dislike, or simply the wording?

[Vicious Sal]

I think that was the first line I ever wrote of this story and I kept it in there sort of as a throwback to being eleven or whatever. Also, I have never been able to figure out what else to write there.... Is it the content of those lines that you dislike, or simply the wording?

The line itself is ok, however, If you bring it in, you create a false setting, ultimately, your goal is to creat tension, suspension, thrill the reader. IF you just throw us into a war without hesitation, you achieve this right from the start. I read your prologue twice, one with, one without those lines. Without, i felt more excited, i wanted to know what was going to happen. With those lines, it felt a bit awkward, it's like you expect to drink grape juice, but it's actually sojasauce, it doesn't fit. I don't know how to word it better. =/

I must say, the rest is pleasant to read, I only got distracted a bit when they got in the cellar, too many people named at once, and you don't know what's happening to who.

[Rewjeo]

Just cut it? Okay. Works for me.

Would it help if I had something like "Flygnyr, the archer, said" instead of just "Flygnyr said" in the cellar bit?

[eclipse]

All right. . .I'll hit the stylistics.

The gilded, intricate handle of the blade and the emerald embedded in its pommel seemed to glow in the flickering torch light as it left its intricate, gilded scabbard.

That's a touch repetitive. Perhaps "left its equally ornate scabbard"?

“I apologize, your highness,”

Your Highness is an honorific (even though it's meant to be sarcastic), so should be capitalized.

It was the perfect day.

Don't worry, we know.

But hidden in this perfect green wood there was silence, but for the rustling of the leaves in the wind and the crackle of leaves underfoot.

You can get rid of the first "but".

The highest ranking and elected leader, Fyrro, his sister, who had learned to mend wounds, but decided the axe was more to her liking, Seloh, who had only recently and resentfully become a soldier, Slize, one of the few horsemen of the valley, and Flygnyr, an archer, and the youngest there.

This sentence introduces a bunch of cool people, but Fyrro is a sister of who?

*interlude*

Naming the main character after yourself isn't always the best idea. You'll give your readers the wrong impression. I can help you find a better name, if you want.

*end interlude*

Speaking of the main character, I'd like to know a bit more about who he is, why he's lying about himself, and what in the world is up with that alias!

[Rewjeo]

That's a touch repetitive. Perhaps "left its equally ornate scabbard"?

There was a specific rhythm I read it with, but reading it with a different one it definitely sounds funky.

Your Highness is an honorific (even though it's meant to be sarcastic), so should be capitalized.

Nyenyenyenyenye

Don't worry, we know.

That's how everything starts, isn't it? It's all great. Then the shit hits the fan. Anyways, jumping in with "A gentle breeze from the north and a soft warmth from the sun" sounds... actually, not that weird.

You can get rid of the first "but".

Of course.

This sentence introduces a bunch of cool people, but Fyrro is a sister of who?

I'm so good at making things not make sense. Fyrro AND his sister, who has no name right now because I have a plan for introducing it. Also, I don't remember what I named her.

Naming the main character after yourself isn't always the best idea. You'll give your readers the wrong impression. I can help you find a better name, if you want.

Technically, I named my internet self after the main character.

Speaking of the main character, I'd like to know a bit more about who he is, why he's lying about himself, and what in the world is up with that alias!

so would I

I'll get to that in chapter 2. Also, learn Japanese to understand the alias. Yes, I was lazy and stole words from another language. Sue me. I'll probably replace it later.

I'm very happy with the positive responses. I wasn't really sure if I was good at writing at all...

Edit: Oh, and no one was confused by

Chapter 1

Prologue

? Edited July 29, 2011 by Rewjeo

[Vicious Sal]

Edit: Oh, and no one was confused by?

Chapter 1

Prologue

Clear as day!

[eclipse]

I know precisely what it meant; that's why I asked about it. It's. . .kinda cheesy. . .

[Rewjeo]

I think that's something else left over from forever ago. There was worse stuff that I wrote in fifth or sixth grade, though. I found this paper that had a scene in which one of the main characters died. What all of the people said was beyond cheesy

Also, removing the first "but" at the start of chapter 1 doesn't work well. You lose the contrast it's making. I'll change the second "but" in it to "except."

Edited July 30, 2011 by Rewjeo

[Rewjeo]

Hey! It's the start of chapter 2! Writer's block hit me at a random place, but whatever.

Chapter 2

Chapter 1

I was surprised to learn that the capture of Gassad is not complete three days after the invasion. The soldiers tell me that there are still some of Gassad’s soldiers holding out in the cellars. No one is doing much about them, though. The door has been blocked to prevent the soldiers from escaping the cellars, and at this point it’s just a waiting game. Of course, this does limit what the Guldarans can get from the castle, and they’ve been forced to largely go to the people for food and drink. But General Kertankuse, ever noble, has ordered them to treat the people with respect. I’m not sure how long that will last, though. These are soldiers with power over a new area and people, and it would be hard to stop them from exercising that power. It seems to me that Kertankuse is not one to make orders lightly, and any transgressor may find himself in a very bad place. I suspect that’s all that is holding them in check

~~~~~

Kertankuse had ordered a guard to be with Rewjeo at all times. This hadn’t been a problem while he was inside the castle talking to soldiers, but now that he was planning on leaving to talk to the people, he wanted no soldiers near him.

“Sir, I want the people to talk freely. They won’t if there are soldiers around. If they won’t say anything, or at least anything I haven’t already heard from your soldiers, then there’s no point in talking to them. It won’t add anything to my writings.”

“Then find another way. I’m not letting someone walk around freely and take resources from my army when I don’t even know for sure who you are. I’m keeping a guard with you at all times.”

“Fine. Sir.” Rewjeo did not try to hide his dissatisfaction.

~~~~~

Rewjeo walked into the town with a soldier beside him. “So, I don’t suppose you could wait outside while I talk to people?”

“General Kertankuse-“

“I know what he said,” Rewjeo snapped. “He also said to find a way to get them to talk freely, and as far as I can tell this is the only way. Besides, I’d still have a guard with me. Just not with me as much.” The soldier didn’t look satisfied. “It would help Kertankuse, too. If he really understands what the people think, he’ll have better control over the area. You wouldn’t want to be the guy to hinder him, would you?”

~~~~~

He went up to the door of a house, knocked, and gestured for the soldier to move farther away. A woman opened the door. “Hello. Oh, it’s R-“

“Chigau. I’m Chigau.” Rewjeo glanced over at the soldier, and the woman nodded. “I’m a historian from Ilyarium, and I’m writing about what’s happening here as it happens. Would you mind if I talked to you about what’s happening?”

“Oh, of course not. Come in.” She gestured for him to follow and closed the door. “Just follow me back here,” she said, trying to convince the soldier that she didn’t know Rewjeo.

“Is it still here, Malra?” Rewjeo whispered as they went out the back of the house into a small garden area.

“The tunnel? Of course. Why?”

“There are still soldiers in the cellars! I’m gonna get them out.”

“After four days? My goodness. But I have some questions for you, first. Where did you go, and what are you doing now?”

“I told you, I’m getting those soldiers out of there. If that guard asks about me, just tell him I already left. It shouldn’t be too hard to convince him.”

Rewjeo dropped through a trapdoor, closed it, and ran off into the tunnel before Malra had a chance to respond. She muttered to herself as she went back inside, “Of course, Rewjeo. Whatever you say. Oh, and thank you for explaining things.”

~~~~~

Rewjeo had pulled the flint and steel off of the guard earlier. He didn’t seem like he would notice. Rewjeo lit a torch while he could still see it in the light that came through the cracks around the trapdoor, then he trotted off into the tunnel, lighting torches on the way. You could get just about anywhere in Gassad or Gassad Castle from just about anywhere in Gassad or Gassad Castle if you knew how. There were cleverly disguised passages hidden all over the castle and you would never notice them if you didn’t know they were there. Rewjeo was heading straight into the cellars, and with any luck he could pull the soldiers out of there and no one would notice they were gone for quite a while.

Rewjeo lit every torch along the way. At least it would be light on his way back. The tunnels, useful though they were, were not the nicest places to be. They were dark, musty, and all sorts of strange and gross things might live in there. Even the spiders seemed to have been scared off.

Walking down the hallway, Rewjeo’s mind wandered. There wasn’t anything he was doing. He didn’t have to formulate a plan or come up with an alias or work on tricking anyone. He finally had time to really take in what all had happened.

~~~~~

The soldier had gotten impatient and went to see just what was taking Chigau and that woman so long. “Oh, he left already. Didn’t you see?”

“No, and I think I would have.” The soldier said.

“Well, we were in the back, and he left through the garden gate. He walked over towards where you were waiting,” Malra insisted.

“And he could have just walked past me without me noticing?”

“I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention. I’ve been busy trying to get food ready for you soldiers. I-“ She almost mentioned the cellars and how it would be nice when the Guldarans had access to them and that the money was nice but she was running out of food for herself.

Fortunately, the guard cut her off before he noticed her pausing, “Speaking of which, I’m hungry. Do you have anything? I’ll pay you. More than the usual.”

“Of course.” She came out with a bowl of soup. “I was already heating water up. Good timing. Well, good luck finding him!” she said as she handed him the soup.

~~~~~

Seloh noticed the flickering of a torch flame from behind the group. “Hey, guys! Is that a torch?” Everyone reached for their weapons.

“Hello?” Rewjeo called. “Is anyone here?”

“Wait, is that?” Fyrro said, mostly to himself. “Rewjeo?”

“Fyrro?! Is that you? Who all is down here?” Rewjeo asked as he came closer to the group.

“Seloh? How’s the soldiering life been going?”

“Wish I’d gotten to go to Ilyarium with you. I’m sure it was better than spending who knows how long in-“ Seloh was cut off by Rewjeo

“Four days. It’s been four days.”

“Four days? Four days down here. The torches have all died in here, and I’ve had all sorts of sharp things pointed and thrown at me.”

Fyrro noticed that Rewjeo’s eyes and cheeks looked red. Maybe it was just the torch light. “So, there’s a tunnel into the cellars?” He asked as he gestured for Rewjeo to hand the torch to him.

“Yup. The tunnel leads to Malra’s garden. The others brightened at that prospect. “Ah, Slize! How’ve you been holding up?

“Good. There wouldn’t happen to be a tunnel into the stables, would there?”

“No such luck. I’m sure we can find a horse for you though.”

“Bah, figured as much.”

Next, his attention turned to Fyrro’s sister. “Ah, Lemina, darling,” he said, taking her hand, “how are you?”

“Wonderful now, sir,” she said, curtsying awkwardly in her armor. Everyone laughed.

Rewjeo noticed a figure on the ground. “Is that…”

“Mmh?” The figure sounded.

“Flygnyr? Of course. Who else could it be?”

“Well, to the daylight, shall we?” Slize said, impatient to escape the cellars.

~~~~~

Rewjeo knocked on Malra’s back door, with several pairs of eyes watching from a slightly opened trapdoor. She opened. “Ah, Rewjeo. How did the trip go?”

“Good,” he said, nodding. He took a breath and paused briefly. Malra shifted her wait onto one leg and crossed her arms, expecting what was coming next. “Ah, I need to take care of these guys. I have to head back to the castle now.”

“And what am I supposed to do with them if some soldiers come around? ‘Oh, that’s not real armor, I swear.’ Yeah, that’ll work,” she retorted.

“Find some normal clothes, hide the armor down in the tunnel, and tell the soldiers you have some guests over for the evening or something. I don’t know.”

“Fine,” she said, “you owe me,” and gestured for them to come into the house.

“I know. I’ll try and get to see you again in a few days, but Kertankuse is already suspicious enough on his own. I don’t need to give him any more reason to suspect me than I already have.”

Edited August 2, 2011 by Rewjeo

[eclipse]

Chapter 2

Chapter 1

Alrighty then.

Otherwise, I'll hold my opinions for now.

[Rewjeo]

It makes sense in Word.

[eclipse]

Hmmm. . .try using Notepad to type everything out. You still won't get the fancy formatting (unless you apply it here), but at least Notepad doesn't do unpredictable things on copy/paste.

[Rewjeo]

Oh, those parts are supposed to be there, it's just there's a font change that, I think at least, will make it make sense.

Updated chapter 2 post with the rest of it.

[eclipse]

You owe your newly-rescued soldiers a proper introduction. Also, it seems that the enemy soldiers are pretty dense (lucky).

[Rewjeo]

You owe your newly-rescued soldiers a proper introduction. Also, it seems that the enemy soldiers are pretty dense (lucky).

Hm? This is the second time they've showed up. They've been introduced before. Also, I'm starting on chapter 3 while I'm feeling creative, and I do plan on having them do more very soon.

Just the one. Well, there are probably gonna be some more daft ones on occasion, but that won't be a common thing. Kertankuse isn't the type to keep sending dumb guys the heroes' way.

[eclipse]

As in, we know they're there, and that they're super-happy to see Rewjeo. . .and that's about it, really. This can kinda be woven into the story, if you do it right.

[Rewjeo]

You'll get some of the backstory soon enough. I don't wanna reveal too much for a while, but it's not like everyone magically knows Rewjeo. Also, I have already pwned Rewjeo and his guard trickery in chapter 3, if that makes you feel better.

Edit: Chapter 3, go! Also, I'm afraid the weird chapter thing happens again. It does not, in fact, jump from chapter 3 to chapter 5.

Chapter 3

The soldier who had been ordered to guard Rewjeo left the room that Kertankuse, Rewjeo, and a third man were sitting in shaken, but relieved at how things had gone. Perhaps he wasn’t going to be sent on similar missions again, but he wasn’t being punished beyond that.

Kertankuse stood up, then turned his attention to Rewjeo, walking around the room, “Chigau, that was a bit devious for a scholar, no? I understand why, but you must understand why I did what I did, too. You do, don’t you? Well, you can’t just ignore what I say because you aren’t a soldier. I’m the one in charge here, and I won’t just give you a place to live while you do whatever you want. You offer me a rare insight into the thoughts of my soldiers and people, and that can be invaluable. But there are risks, and I’m not prepared to take no action against those risks!”

“Sir! I can only offer that to you if the people are not intimidated by me! The moment there’s one of your men in the room, I’ll lose the advantage I had! I have to be a neutral third party to them.”

“Why do you think I sent that soldier with you? It’s easy enough to convince him of something, so I could send him with you and he wouldn’t get suspicious of my intentions. If he thought that maybe I was reading what you wrote, then he could spread that thought and everyone would stop talking freely. They’ll only accept that I’m doing what I’m doing because of my respect for the sciences if they don’t have a reason to believe otherwise. Then what advantage would you be to me?”

“So don’t keep a guard with me!”

“Don’t forget who you’re talking to! You get your food from me. You get your shelter from me. I could have you killed right now. I could kill you right now. If you don’t want someone watching you, stay in the castle and talk to my soldiers. For now, you’re not leaving the castle.”

“Fine. Sir.” Rewjeo did not try to hide his dissatisfaction.

As Rewjeo left, Kertankuse whispered to the third man, “Watch him, Eirk. Just don’t get in the way of him getting information from the other soldiers.”

“Yes sir!”

~~~~~

Chapter 5

It has been a week since the capture of Gassad, and the soldiers in the cellars are gone without an explanation. Some of the soldiers are happy enough for the cellars to be free, but others question what exactly happened. There are some who think that there was never anyone in the cellars, and that it was just a plot of Kertankuse’s with various goals. Some say that he wanted to stop there from being chaos immediately upon the capture of Gassad. Others say it was an act of selfishness, that he was secretly taking some up for himself. Then there are those who swear that there were soldiers down there. One man claims to have lost a friend to an arrow that came from the cellar. Tonight, there was plenty of

Rewjeo put his pen down and glanced at his cup. Yeah, I get the bad stuff. Guess who you owe for this stuff? Me. He thought. Then, another thought crossed his mind. It’s been three days since I got those guys out of the cellar. I should get to them. It shouldn’t be too hard. Most of the people here are too drunk to even notice, and it should be easy enough to get past those who aren’t. Worst case scenario I get sent to bed.

Rewjeo got up and left his room. He started walking around the castle, trying to figure out the best route to take out. The cellars would be the fastest, but no doubt there would be guards watching it, what with the disappearance of the Gassadian soldiers. With some luck they’d be sleeping, but that would be doubtful given the situation and Kertankuse. Still, it was worth a shot, he figured.

As he reached some stairs, a group of drunken soldiers passed him. One of them just about ran into him, but none of them seemed to notice, so he kept going. There were a few more encounters on the way down, but he arrived at the cellars only to find four guards there, perfectly alert. “What’re you doing down here?” came a voice from behind him. It was the third man from earlier that week. Rewjeo had seen him several times throughout the week. It looked as if Kertankuse had sent someone to watch him anyways.

“Sorry, sir. I couldn’t sleep, and I was curious about what happened down here, so I thought I’d head down.” Rewjeo explained.

“Chigau, is it? Well, Chigau, I think you should head back up, anyways. The General isn’t convinced that they simply disappeared. That’s why these guards are down here. You wouldn’t want to get caught in a fight, would you?” The man felt slimy just through his words.

“Of course, sir, I hadn’t thought of that. I’ll head back up.”

As Rewjeo passed, Eirk said, hushed, “I’m sure Lord Kertankuse will find this very interesting.”

~~~~~

The next morning, Rewjeo locked the door to his room behind him. If Eirk was watching him, then Rewjeo had to get out while he wasn’t being watched, while he was talking to the other soldiers. With some luck, locking the door would be enough to trick Eirk into thinking he was in his room and wanted to be in there alone. Or at least he could use that a defense if any questions were asked.

He walked through the halls until he found a group of soldiers in a place he liked. On the way, he had seen Eirk out of the corner of his eye a few times. It looks like he was indeed being followed. “Excuse me, guys,” he called to the soldiers. “Would you mind talking to me some more about the situation with the cellars?”

One of them was about to say something when Eirk walked passed, and he shut his mouth. “What?” Rewjeo asked.

“That’s Eirk! The General’s right hand man? He’s like another body under Lord Kertankuse’s control!”

Hmm, Kertankuse sent his second body after me. I have to tread carefully. But I do need to get to Malra and the others, Rewjeo thought. “So? He’s gone now.” Rewjeo pulled out his parchment and pen as the soldiers began talking. They spoke quietly, and at least one of them was always watching for Eirk. The soldiers seemed more afraid of him than Kertankuse himself. That would be something else to ask some soldiers about, but another time.

~~~~~

As the soldiers turned the corner, Rewjeo started the other direction. Eirk walked past the soldiers and turned, but Chigau was nowhere to be seen. He ran back to the soldiers Chigau had been talking to. “Hey, where’d the scholar go?!”

“S-s-sir, d-d-down that hallway, sir, where you just came from, sir.”

Eirk had been waiting for the moment they were finished. Chigau was obviously trying to avoid him.

~~~~~

Rewjeo found himself right outside the castle on the side facing away from town. He quickly moved into the forest near that edge and moved deeper into it, hopefully to where there wouldn’t be any more soldiers. The woods over here still felt the same as before. They lead up to the mountains, which served as a natural boundary for Gassad. There had never been much focus over here outside of simply enjoying the woods and mountains. There was nothing at all threatening on the other side of the mountains for as far as anyone had ever ventured, and trying to march an army over the mountains would be suicide for far too many of the soldiers for it to be worth it. The disinterest in this area had continued with the Guldarans. Still, now as not the time to reminisce or enjoy the mountains, Rewjeo had to get to Malra’s.

~~~~~

There was an impatient knock on Malra’s door. She walked to the door slowly, expecting another soldier, and hoping that no one had guessed what had happened to the soldiers in the cellars. As she was walking, the person knocked on the door again, and a familiar voice said, “Malra! Open the door!”

Relieved, Malra moved faster and opened the door. “Rewjeo! It’s about time you got here! It’s been four days! I don’t know how much longer it would be until those soldiers figured out that I didn’t just have family over.”

“So that’s the story you went with? Well, the soldiers shouldn’t be coming around as often now that they’ve finally figured out you guys are out of the cellars,” Rewjeo said coming in. “Sorry it took so long. Kertankuse has kept me in the castle. Said that if I didn’t want anyone following me, I had to stay in the castle. Of course, he’s still had someone following me. He just didn’t tell me.”

“Well then how’d you get out?” Fyrro asked.

“Kertankuse still values the information I can get him. His henchman wasn’t on me all the time. Besides, I’ve spent all but the last year of my life living in that castle. I know my way around better than anyone who’s only been there a week.”

“And the guards at the gate just let you leave? And you trust them to not tell Kertankuse?” Slize inquired.

“There are all sorts of ways in and out of the castle you, and especially Eirk and Kertankuse, don’t know about. No, the bigger problem will be getting back in. There are several passages in the town that’ll take you to the castle, but the problem is getting to one without running into any soldiers on the way, and then not running into anyone as I come back into the main hallways once I’m at the castle. But enough of that for now, I’ll figure that out on my own. As I said, Kertankuse knows you guys are out. We need to get you somewhere safe as soon as possible.”

Seloh was the next to talk. “Where? And what exactly are we going to do, anyways? I doubt we could just fade into the outside world very easily, and I’m not ready to abandon this life. I don’t want to just fade into the outside world. And what about you? It’s obvious Kertankuse doesn’t trust you. What are you going to do about that? If he finds out who you really are and that you are not in fact from Ilyarium, then it’s over for you!”

“We’re going to take back Gassad!”

Edited August 3, 2011 by Rewjeo

[Rewjeo]

Chapter 3, consider yourself completed! Well, for now, at least.

[Rewjeo]

Chapter 4

“Uh, do you have more than that?” Malra asked. “There’s seven of us here. Even if we used the passages, we could hardly do any damage before they figured out how we were doing it or, worse, killed us in the castle. The most damage we could do would be to kill Kertankuse and the other higher ups, but then we’d just have a horde of undirected soldiers. There’s no way we could beat them.”

“We’ll get the prisoners out,” Rewjeo replied. Everyone looked at him as if he was crazy. “Only the soldiers on guard that night were killed, and not even all of them. The vast majority are imprisoned.”

“And how do you plan on getting them out and equipping them? A bunch of unequipped soldiers won’t do much other than anger Kertankuse,” Malra wasn’t going to let them go off on some impossible quest to recapture Gassad.

Fyrro came in now, “Well, then, we’ll just take some equipment from the castle, right?” Rewjeo nodded. “There’s a passage leading right into where the weapons and armor are kept. I remember we’d head in there when we were younger.”

“One problem,” Seloh pointed out, “That passage is inside the castle on both ends. Remember that part? We’d need there to be secret passages to move us between secret passages!”

“Sounds familiar,” Flygnyr said. “Haven’t you said something about that before, Rewjeo?”

“Yeah. They’re not so easy to find, seeing as we’ve never really had a use for them, so I’ll have to do some exploring on my way back, but we can use them to get that stuff out. The bigger problem will be getting the prisoners out. There aren’t any secret passages very close to them- for good reason- so we’ll need a way to safely get them into one and out into the forest, and preferably without Kertankuse figuring out where the passages are.”

~~~~~

Rewjeo had snuck back into the castle and was walking to his room. He was just in time to find Eirk sticking a key into his door. “Excuse me!”

“Ah, Chigau. I couldn’t find you in the castle, and when I came to your room, it was locked. I figured you were inside. But then you wouldn’t answer, so I got a key to get in myself.”

“Well I had it locked for a reason, and I’d appreciate it if you would leave it that way,” Rewjeo said, putting his hand on the door as Eirk finished unlocking the door. “There’s stuff in there I don’t want some people seeing, and I certainly don’t want some drunken soldier wandering in on accident.”

“If you weren’t in there, then where were you?” Eirk asked.

“You can ask anyone who’s been at the gatehouse today, if that’s what you mean.” Eirk looked skeptical. “I spent some time in my room, and some time talking to soldiers and staff around the castle. Why didn’t you see me? Because I didn’t want you to. Why didn’t I want you to? Well, we’ve been over that enough times by now, I think. Thank you for the concern, and good bye!” Rewjeo finished slipping into his room. Eirk could here the clinking of Rewjeo locking the door from the other side.

~~~~~

Rewjeo laid in his bed and thought. He didn’t think about what to do, though. He thought about what had already happened. A year ago, he had set out to Iyarium to study. Before that, he and his friends had lived in the castle. They had explored the secret passages, although it was more him than any of the others, and used those to get all over and do whatever they wanted. Then they had grown up. Fyrro and Flygnyr became soldiers, continuing the proud tradition of their families. Seloh and he, younger than the other two, had always been more scholarly, though. The two of them had spent hours going through the castle library and discussing things that simply didn’t interest the others.

Then came our turn to grow up. I headed off to Ilyarium, and Seloh wanted to follow. But his family also had a proud military tradition, as can be expected of one that lives in the castle, and his father refused to let him. So we separated. I left, alone, for the center of knowledge, and Seloh, Flygnyr, and Fyrro stayed behind. There were some others. Lemina hung around with us sometimes. She did a pretty good job of fitting in. There was Slize, too. I didn’t know him very well, but we’d met. There were others as well, of course. The castle houses a lot of people. But at this point, most of them are either dead or imprisoned.

And that is what Rewjeo returned to. Gassad wasn’t Gassad anymore. Almost everyone he knew, Jyron, his friends’ families, they were all imprisoned at best. Except for the maids and cooks and such. They were still performing their duties, but Kertankuse had them on a rather tight leash. They were confined during the day unless they were doing whatever they did, and Rewjeo had refused as much of that as he could. He didn’t want to risk someone recognizing him, after all.

But maybe it would be better if someone did. He spent his days documenting the destruction of his home pretending to be an outsider. He had to hide constantly, both physically and mentally. No one could know who he was, and he couldn’t let himself succumb to everything that was happening. Watching the destruction was his shield from it. His home was destroyed and his friends were fugitives, but he was playing it like a game.

Well, this was a game in which every move was crucial, and he wasn’t going to make any mistakes. He was going to win.

[eclipse]

I'm coherent.

1. The overall plot looks interesting.

2. It's a bit jarring to switch from first-person to third-person (the main character does this with very little warning).

3. I'll be surprised if Rewjeo has a door by the time Chapter 4's done.

[Rewjeo]

1. Yay!

2. Normally there's a font change to try and avoid that. This last time, though, it just sorta happened as I was typing.

3. As in, his door would be physically removed? Eh, that'd work.

[eclipse]

Yes, his door being physically removed. If I were in Kertankuse's place, that's exactly what I'd do (among other things), as "punishment".

[Rewjeo]

I could put that in. I'm not too pleased with what I have for chapter 5 in already, anyways. Also, out of curiosity, how do you pronounce the names? Do you have any idea?