Anouleth Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 (edited) Welcome to Anouleth's LP of Dream of Five (version 3.0) . This is a Fe7 hack created by a number of people on this forum, Furetchen, ALS, and probably some others I don't really know about. Kind of an Elibian Nights opening, here, it gives us a story within a game. All the months here have names produced by picking Scrabble tiles out of a bag, it seems. I pick the month that seems to correspond to August. Prologue With such a grandiose title, surely the first chapter can't be just fighting Bandits (the FE equivalent of those Rattata that are always outside the first town), right? I don't know if that outfit is more or less humiliating than the one in EN. Well, it seems to attract ladies at least. Bitches love stories about Heroes. Oh, you spoony bard, don't you know Steel weapons suck? Tales about Knights tend to be awfully long due to their 4 move. Burn her! She's a witch! I plan to low turn, so it'll be quick. con-sum-mate: Make (a marriage or relationship) complete by having sexual intercourse. Ew! In fairness, she is kind of a bitch. I bet if those thousands actually met her they'd want her dead too. For a woman of common birth, she has an extraordinarily fruity name. Maybe she turns out to be an exotic dessert? "The Mexicans... there were too many, they took all our jobs!" Well, she's already a commander. Now she just needs to be consummated and the story will be over. Oh Furet, Renair doesn't have time to listen to your worries and "reports" now that a cute guy is in the room. I was almost taking it seriously and then I remembered that her full name is Renair audre Draiche. Furet, let me introduce you to a little friend I call the R button: Well, at least he has high aspirations! That's what counts, right? And you better believe she'll be sharing it with all twelve of her blog readers when she gets back home! Plus, nothing is going to happen for the first few chapters except for fighting bandits. Edited July 31, 2011 by Anouleth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anouleth Posted July 30, 2011 Author Share Posted July 30, 2011 (edited) Prologue Continued: Attractive guys aren't allowed to lead bandits, per usual. But let's just stand here and chinwag while these people's houses burn down. What's important is that the cute mercenary feels alright. What's that, a bandit two spaces away? He can wait. They eventually found better jobs? Furetchen, ever a fountain of compassion and empathy. "Just killing innocent civilians and burning down houses". "I've never burned down a village before, but it looks like fun!" Like in all fan works, the colour "red" does not exist. Scarlet and Crimson hues only pls If anyone should be embarassed, it's you, Renair "I 3HKO Bandits and don't double" audre Draiche. Furetchen did most of the work and you know it. "Kids, stop fighting or I'll solo the map and there'll be no EXP for supper. I'm warning you!" His hair was pretty loud, I couldn't make him out clearly. So how does this border patrol thing work? Are Renair and co. the only people patrolling the entire border of a country? Where are the local lords in charge of this land? Don't they have any way of gathering information other than just stumbling blindly into packs of bandits? Has anyone told them how cliche their title sounds? "I guess I'll protect the villages, but only if I find them challenging enough to personally interest me." Chains Shattered: 0 Ensigns Discovered: 0 Doubloons Pillaged: 3000 Turns Counted: 6 Edited July 30, 2011 by Anouleth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nanami Touko Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 Oh man, Anouleth, this is fuckin' great! Don't stop; never stop until the game's done XD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AstraLunaSol Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 Amazing. So many people mentioned the Jumanji thing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thor Odinson Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 This is awesome. Also, post your turncounts. I'm interested to know how much your turncounts rape mine. = w= Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anouleth Posted July 30, 2011 Author Share Posted July 30, 2011 This is awesome. Also, post your turncounts. I'm interested to know how much your turncounts rape mine. = w= I added it. 5 turns is possible on Prologue with the gold, but my Furetchen missed twice (he needs to hit the boss two rounds out of three). You also need Kolbane to dodge some axes and not get crit by the Slim Sword Mercenary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thor Odinson Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 ...yep. You raped my turncounts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrhesia Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 (edited) So how does this border patrol thing work? Are Renair and co. the only people patrolling the entire border of a country? Where are the local lords in charge of this land? Don't they have any way of gathering information other than just stumbling blindly into packs of bandits? Has anyone told them how cliche their title sounds? a) Inefficiently. b) No. They're undermanned c) They only care about their sections. This is the frontier. d) No. e) Out of control, out of mind~ Combine pre-Men At Arms Ankh-Morpork Watch with Late Roman Empire frontier guards. Or the Night's Watch with a third of the hardcore. Or something. Anyway, keep it up. Edited July 30, 2011 by Furetchen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anouleth Posted July 30, 2011 Author Share Posted July 30, 2011 (edited) Chapter 1: Maybe all the bandit chapters will have grandiose titles, but when it comes to the big fights later on in the game, they'll have boring names. I hope so. I imagine that this will be full of juicy, dirty secrets. I'm not surprised you've gotten no distinction, since somehow you're still level 1 after "years of service". Did you just get Furetchen to kill everything? Well, apparently it's "embarrassingly easy" anyway. About two years too late, methinks. I'm surprised to hear you even have one goal. I thought you just randomly wandered around killing things. They're so insidious and destructive, in fact, that Renair didn't even know they existed a day ago. By which she means that Furetchen will do most of the work while she and Kolbane mooch kills. Well, I'm here. Renair is hoping for some easy Pegasus Knight EXP. A student of the Hector school of character development, I see. Good thing we're not Generals, then. So she's just been flying around praying that they don't attack her. Typical Pegasus Knight behaviour. This is the polite way of saying "they OHKO me". "You guys can take care of the 'killing enemies' and 'getting attacked' part, I'll carry all that heavy EXP." Renair has difficulty understanding this thing that humans call "compassion". Well duh, this is only the second map. We won't be fighting real enemies until the fourth map, minimum. "If they only raped and pillaged for a few days, that would be fine, but they've been here a week now!" I am now imagining a hilarious Engrish accent for Renair. oh god he's looking directly at me And hilarious Italian mobster accents for the bandits! Yes, it will take Furetchen two whole turns to kill you rather than one. Renair is talking to the voices in her head again. haha, she mistook Renair for a boy "It turns out the villagers were just pretending to like me, so I want my revenge!" And apparently Kolbane is skilled with a sword and pegasus training doesn't exactly lend itself to fighting bows, so I don't think I want to know what "good hand with magic" means. Furetchen: smooth with the ladies. "Only to cute girls ;)" Most people would not call being a asshole a "quirk". :fighting happens, people die: Note to self: Renair's period falls around the 14th of the month. This isn't some computer game, Renair. Nobody is just going to turn up out of the blue with the answer to your problem. Just check on the status screen. "Pfft, our egos are way bigger." Well if someone else had killed them, we wouldn't be fighting them now would we? "I have a senior discount card." We already have one. ME. Our turncounts have been pretty decent so far, I think I'll pass. Distinctions Earned: 0 Cankers Broken: 0 Accents Imagined: 2 Villages Protected: 2 Turns Counted: 6+6 Edited July 30, 2011 by Anouleth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thor Odinson Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 Note to self: Renair's period falls around the 14th of the month. Best line so far. although, it's Chapter 1 and you labeled it as Chapter 2 also Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Sage Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 This is nearly as epic as Paper's FE7 LP. Keep it up. Glad to know I'm not the only one who finds Renair and Furetchen (the character) to be nearly completely unsympathetic assholes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ansem Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 Not everyone has time to cry over the dead body of an enemy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrhesia Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 Set a bastard to catch a bastard. The Border Guards have few actual volunteers. Renair's still hellbent after revenge and Furetchen takes pleasure in snapping necks. None of them are particularly pleasant people, and were hired/press-ganged into service more for their talents at bloody murder. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Sage Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 Hmmm....well I'm sort of glad that you don't try to say otherwise. There are plenty of people who would write such characters and claim they're paragons of sainthood. My respect for thee has increased by 100 points. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrhesia Posted July 30, 2011 Share Posted July 30, 2011 My writing tends towards the Grey versus Murky Grey angle. Think nothing of it. The supports for both tend to explore their intricacies (Renair showing a rather Starkish lead by example complex in RenairKolb, Furet developing a protective mentor nature in FuretKolb, and the reasons behind Renair loathing brigands in RenairFuret). But yeah, anyone willing to hire Crowe is far from an icon of justice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Sage Posted July 31, 2011 Share Posted July 31, 2011 Crowe is apparently the Lifis of the hack from what I've heard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anouleth Posted August 3, 2011 Author Share Posted August 3, 2011 (edited) Chapter 2 Part 1 I'm not sure how having supplies and companions changes their goal. Maybe they mean that now the Pegasus Knight can airtaxi them? Yeah, if they leave the bandits too long they might start promoting, and who wants to fight Berserkers? Varkade wanted to watch reruns of Columbo, while Furetchen wanted to watch Top Gear. Not to mention arrogant and incapable of human empathy. Next to that, merely being illiterate doesn't seem that big a flaw. Renair has no objections to him being called a fool, though. There's no winning some arguments, even when they take place in the pages of a diary. Yeah, he's really clutch in Chapter 2. And 3. In fact, pretty much every chapter. This seems like a pretty random thing to say, not only because it has no relation to the previous subject, but because it has no relation to reality. Perhaps as we read more of Renair's super-secret diary, she'll grow more and more unhinged? "Apparently this armour makes my butt look big!" Actually been plotting something! So... they're threatening to commit suicide? So... they plan to have the mercenaries commit suicide instead? Well, the story's been pretty boring so far, I can't see it getting any better. "An unseen man from another world, whose knowledge of efficiency knows no match!" That's comforting, +2DEF/+5RES/+20 avoid is always good to have. This argument doesn't seem forced or unnatural at all! Furetchen seems to be at least mildly aware that the big cursor pushing him around the map knows his shit. "I mean all he's doing is telling us where to go and how to fight, it's not like he has any power over us." Proud recipient of the Best Slug Award. Normally only awarded to Armour Knights and Ilyana. Seriously? Brickface? If you're so short on ideas that you're just calling them whatever you see in the background, at least try to hide it. For a bandit, this guy is surprisingly hot. Edited August 3, 2011 by Anouleth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anouleth Posted August 3, 2011 Author Share Posted August 3, 2011 (edited) Part 2 Villages! They had a sale at Ap'str'ph's 'r' Us. Sent his enemies into fits of laughter with his name? Don't say that, you might give her the impression people want her body. If it's anything like her face... Mediocre base stats and a tendency to repeat names with ellipses; a tell-tale warning sign of Eliwood Syndrome. Other symptoms include being locked to a weapon type that's heavy for you and getting a prf weapon. There is no cure. Translated into English, I believe this statement means "it kills them". "I hear he makes really awful movies." Tough, I'm in charge and I say that Furetchen soloes the map. suddenly fe7 flashbacks no lyn just shut up please nobody cares Well, it's certainly easy for you to complain that it's too easy, you're not actually fighting! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPHuE5pDlEs Well the vanguard isn't slowing me down that much, it only takes me six turns to beat this map. Says the woman who has no idea how many enemies there are or what traps they have. Given that Chapter 3 has about 30 billion enemies, I think Varkade is actually kind of on to something. Renair just doesn't want to share exp. Renair knows the right place for thieves, especially cute boy thieves :3 Those sandwiches aren't going to make themselves! "God, this is so easy!" *hides behind Furetchen as he soloes the level* Rats Snuffed Out: 0 Thrones Sheltered By: 0 Vitals Separated: 0 Hamlets Toured: 2 Syndromes Contracted: 2 Turns Counted: 6+6+6 (Also, as an attempt at serious criticism, I didn't think very much of the map... the forests looked a bit sloppy and the mountains are very uninspired.) Edited August 3, 2011 by Anouleth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paperblade Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 Embedding disabled by request Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Cynthia- Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 (edited) Ahaha this is great. Also, yeah I thought the guy on the far left was a recruitable brigand simply because he didn't look like a lawnmower ran over his face. FE has conditioned me with bandit appearances over the years. Edited August 3, 2011 by -Cynthia- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrhesia Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 They had a sale at Ap'str'ph's 'r' Us. Translated into English, I believe this statement means "it kills them". That was actually accidental. Then I noticed and threw in 'nowt' because, well, in for a penny, in for a pound. But only mounts and armours. Ilanice is pretty terrible against...basically anything else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thor Odinson Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 (edited) Still, C2's current map is a lot better than the old one with had. >____> Man. That one was bad. Also, can't wait for chapter three. why is my thought process so disorganised in the mornings Edited August 3, 2011 by Luminescent Kitty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anouleth Posted August 12, 2011 Author Share Posted August 12, 2011 (edited) Chapter 3 Well, since the other chapters had impressive titles but nothing really happened in them, I can only assume that this chapter will have super-important plot shit because the name is really boring. Well of course not, the Darkwrights already know that Renair and co. are there. That's why we had to fight all those dudes in the previous chapter. Unless they were like, just hanging around outside having a smoke or something. Stupid Crispin and his asthma... Time for Renair to get another cigarette before entering the non-smoking zone. "... episode of Antiques Roadshow." It's not like they sent any messengers off. What a surprise! With soldiers like Renair and Kolbane, I assumed it was a mighty military empire that commanded the respect of all the civilised world. Judging by Renair's writing, their English teachers are pretty shit too. Renair, the concept of nationalism won't even be invented until the 18th century. What I'm saying is that if you're a time traveller, you should at least have brought a gun. Then you'll just be ruled by some other random lord or king. Yet Renair has time to write in her diary and worry about politics. She remembers how to pronounce "All right"! It's only Chapter 3, we haven't really come that far. No thanks, Ilanice is all the dead weight I need right now. Well if he's looking for good leadership, he won't find it with Renair. No, Kolbane, I still don't think that we need a hot tub. Yeah, to protect from reinforcements... sure, that's why you're getting left behind. Ah, Kolbane seems like a genuinely nice person who's actually capable of empathy. "He's concerned for other people's welfare, what a pussy." Even about her boytoy, Renair doesn't give a shit. I guess she can just replace him with Chester now. blah blah blah evil bandits Christian Hell is soooo mainstream, all the cool kids are going to Norse Hel now. I hear it's totally underground. Oh Crowe, when you're working for Renair you'll wish you were back with the bandits. "And also if I don't they will probably kill me." "And also it will be better than being killed." Afa's Drops cannot come soon enough. Duh, Farrell is evil. And evil people want to burn down villages. So they get bandits to do it for them. Has Chester even played FE6? I like how they're suddenly communicating from the other side of the wall. You can do the same thing with Chester if he's on the other side of the map. Actually, it's Renair who can't understand how someone might be shocked by the death of a close relative. So she rubs it in his face. Classy. I like this guy. Why can't he be the main character? After Farrell forced him to sit through Anchorman, Rankin was turned into a gibbering idiot. ;/ Edited August 13, 2011 by Anouleth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anouleth Posted August 12, 2011 Author Share Posted August 12, 2011 (edited) Bandits are like weeds in Fire Emblem. You can cut them down, but next year there will be a new crop for the new game so the Lord can get some easy exp. Weeds are typically more threatening, though. Learn to use the R button, she's a Blademaiden. Commander isn't even a class! That's the reading she gives to everyone, because everything in DoF sucks. Please, Dahlia, you're speaking to a woman who taunted a guy after killing his brother, then killed him. So just clothes, then? When you predict death and misfortune every single day sometimes you get complacent, y'know? Sure, why not. It's only one more person being unfailingly negative about every single thing in the world. Well, we're trusting you, a random senior citizen. That's not unnatural and forced conversation at all. Suddenly that cool quintessence effect shows up: Here? But this is a no-smoking zone! Renair is reduced to a babbling Lyn by this stunning development! Come on Renair, even Lyn can at least say the whole word. Sarka, what are you doing, you need to be closer if you're going to bitchslap Furetchen. Kolbane is as eloquent as Renair is compassionate and Furetchen is likeable. The shocking events have caused Renair to suddenly forget how to pronounce "All right" again! "We haven't thanked her for shutting up Furetchen yet!" Also she's on a teleporting horse. For an "idealist", Kolbane seems to be the only one with his head screwed on. So instead of tending to the wounded Furetchen, they leave straight away? After he was hit with the magical equivalent of a bus? Countries Splintered: 0 Throats Gone For: 0 Archers Impressed: 1 Whores Stuck: 0 Firestorms Guided: 1 Coins Accumulated: 3000 Turns Counted: 12 Edited August 13, 2011 by Anouleth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thor Odinson Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 12 turns what You posted the same picture twice. And Kolbane totally needs a hot tub. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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