The Results of Bullying

[eCut]

Watch that video.

It is so sad that people are bullied to such an extent that they take their own lives. Everyone makes mistakes and they shouldn't be constantly tormented and judged because of it to the point where they kill themselves. I am absolutely repulsed by the twisted people who drove her to this and to people who bully in general.
It is pathetic that there are people who comment and say "bitch deserved it", "good riddances", or make crude jokes about the situation. It really makes me question my faith in humanity. It is disgusting that someone would use this opportunity for someone sick way to get attention.

I don't know, I just think it is a video that everyone should see. Edited October 13, 2012 by Wicked Witch of the East

[Espinosa]

I could never quite understand what feature or personality trait it is that turns certain people, who have seemingly nothing in common with each other, into pariahs. Is it purely accidental, being in the wrong place when people are in the wrong mood, and snowballing from there? And if something makes it more likely for one to be bullied, then what is it - being meek, or on the contrary arrogant, or indifferent?

[ZemZem]

I thought I was bullied pretty badly in middle school...that was nothing compared to her ordeal. At least things got 100% better for me going into high school, but nothing got better for her. Heavy stuff...what a cruel world we live in today.

I wish I could've helped her out. :(

Edited October 13, 2012 by ZM456

[Sunwoo]

Ugh, I can't stand bullying. >_< People who bully others are idiots who have some sick need to make themselves feel better or show off to their "friends" at the expense of another. I hate it. In high school, at least two of my closest friends were targets for bullying, and I hated that so much. All I could really do was stand up for them, and it didn't feel like that was doing enough. (At least in one case, I managed to make the guy bullying my friend stop completely after I chased him halfway around the campus.) I mean, I don't like it when people bully me, but I can at least take it and vent somewhere else without completely falling into an emotional ditch. But still ... :/

I've heard news stories about kids and teenagers and young adults who take their lives because they couldn't take all the bullying and the shit, and it makes me just want to die on the inside. It makes me sick that people could be so cruel, so much that they make another person feel as if there is nothing worth living for. It's never right. Schools need to take bullying more seriously. If there are teachers who give out a "free pass" to the aggressors, that needs to stop. The aggressors need to get a dose of reality. And the kids who are bullied need to know that life gets better. Suicide is a permanent solution for something that is so temporary ... :/

For anyone on this forum who's going through something like this, if you ever feel like your life sucks so much you don't want to live anymore, remember this:

High school is temporary. Bullies are temporary. Your life has so much potential. So hold your head up and don't let anyone get you down. Because one day, you'll do something with your life while all the people who bullied you cannot throw their weight around once in the real world. Never take the permanent solution to a temporary problem. Please.

[eclipse]

I have mixed feelings on this. On one hand, she barely mentions her family. Given the hospital stays, it sounds like they do care. Why not turn to them for support?

On the other hand, those that went out of her way to make her miserable weren't right by a long shot. I may not be able to control them directly, but I can sure as hell make their lives miserable (starting with things like a restraining order).

Overall, it was a shitty situation.

EDIT: I can see how I could've turned out like this. The difference was that I fought back.

Edited October 13, 2012 by eclipse

[Gold Vanguard]

If more bullies talk about there problems instead of taking it out on others then we would have less bulling in school(Although its probably not as simple as that). What I learn't throughout school was that if you stick up for yourself they would stop messing with you. If they continued even after you stood up for yourself then its time to tell an adult.

[Hash Jar]

People need to stop focusing so much on the bullying and realize what is really going on. Bullying is being used as a scapegoat. A scapegoat for bad parenting and bad guardianship. A bully is created (by circumstance or bad parenting) and the person being bullied should have got some help (from family).

I got bullied when I was younger by someone, but it was only for a short while because I told my caring parents and they did something about it. The school also helped, because my parents fought back. A child is only as powerful as he is allowed to be.

I'm sorry this happens. I truly hate that these things happen so often (often according to me, too much).

Edited October 14, 2012 by Hash Jar

[Excellen Browning]

Bah. Is everyone here trying to not see a harsh reality? Or at least my harsh reality?

I was bullied pretty badly and socially isolated during most of my years in primary and high school. Then, when I was in university, and starting to get out of my depression, I had to ask myself some very painful questions.

One of them was "Was the cause of me being bullied/isolated because I was not sociable?" And then it took me some time to accept that the answer to that question was yes.

This at least implies that bullying/isolation is a paradigm either set at a very young age or from birth.

Which means it's a natural reaction.

I don't think a lot of people on this board could accept this because it feels strange to them to have to blame themselves for what others did to them I suppose, but it's really not.

[eclipse]

Seems like this girl had her past following her, and people were taking advantage of that (along with perceived weakness). I think WHO is doing the bullying should also be taken into account; not all cases are student-to-student.

[Gold Vanguard]

Seems like this girl had her past following her, and people were taking advantage of that (along with perceived weakness). I think WHO is doing the bullying should also be taken into account; not all cases are student-to-student.

If it followed her for that long shouldn't she had told someone?

[Komeiji Koishi]

If it followed her for that long shouldn't she had told someone?

Maybe she didn't know who to go to, or thought she was weak if she told someone.

From what I can tell from the comments, and personal experience, bullying happens because people look down upon, fear, or maybe objectify others. I feel terrible knowing that someone would end their life because of it. It must have been to such a high degree that she felt that it was the only way to end it.

[Rehab]

Bah. Is everyone here trying to not see a harsh reality? Or at least my harsh reality?

I was bullied pretty badly and socially isolated during most of my years in primary and high school. Then, when I was in university, and starting to get out of my depression, I had to ask myself some very painful questions.

One of them was "Was the cause of me being bullied/isolated because I was not sociable?" And then it took me some time to accept that the answer to that question was yes.

This at least implies that bullying/isolation is a paradigm either set at a very young age or from birth.

Which means it's a natural reaction.

I don't think a lot of people on this board could accept this because it feels strange to them to have to blame themselves for what others did to them I suppose, but it's really not.

I know it's a natural reaction. If somebody in your tribe is an isolationist, or even just weak, there's a good chance they're dead weight, and unfortunate as it is, that person's existence could be bad for you and the people around you.

We don't live in tribes any more. There's no longer any semblance of an excuse for straight-up unprovoked abuse. It is indeed everybody else who needs to change.

[Florete]

It's sad, but it also makes you wonder where all these people who say "I would have been your friend," "I would have been there for you," etc. were when this video was posted a month ago. Sure, we'd all love to think we'd have helped her now, but how many of us actually would have in that situation, not knowing what would eventually happen? Some people even talk like all the people who just stood and watched the girl get beaten are awful, and maybe they are, but it's really just the bystander effect at work. Basically, some things are easier said than done. The point here is that, while it's plenty sad that this girl was driven to suicide, it's also sad and somewhat ironic that this story only got real attention when the girl had already died.

But that's on the side. While I don't want to say I think this girl is lying, I do feel like the story is too cruel to be completely true. At the very least, some details must have been left out. It doesn't change the end result, though, and she was still treated much more horribly than she deserved to be.

I can't really relate myself as I was sooner the bully rather than the bullied. I would always do my best to stop if it looked like things ever went too far, though, and the few times I did accidentally let things go too far I ended up feeling really horrible about it (and still largely do); sometimes I apologized, some chances I missed. At least I'm confident I was never cruel enough to drive someone to hurt themself. And I'm happy I got past that stage.

[Gold Vanguard]

Maybe she didn't know who to go to, or thought she was weak if she told someone.

From what I can tell from the comments, and personal experience, bullying happens because people look down upon, fear, or maybe objectify others. I feel terrible knowing that someone would end their life because of it. It must have been to such a high degree that she felt that it was the only way to end it.

Uh yeah there these things called parents who love you(Most of the time) and will do anything to keep you safe. But I kinda feel for her, getting harassment her whole life and such. Also sorry if I sound a bit mean but the main reason bulling lives on is that people don't stand up for themselves. If you show them your nothing to play around with then they'll stop bothering you. If you don't show any signs of courage they will continue to mess with you.

[Hash Jar]

I agree with the guy who said that being anti-social is bad. It is. This girl should have sought help from the people who support her, but she didn't. Why? I believe it stems from bad parenting. Kids need good guidance and example. I bet you her parents ignore her and are secluded themselves. Most parents nowadays are selfish and only think of themselves when helping their children. They just want them to calm down or go away and never truly help. Parents have to be blamed more for how children are because children learn from example and actual connections with human beings. If children do not get these connections than they don't seek it themselves, they simply do the same and seclude themselves from people or do things like bully.

Edited October 14, 2012 by Hash Jar

[Gold Vanguard]

I agree with the guy who said that being anti-social is bad. It is. This girl should have sought help from the people who support her, but she didn't. Why? I believe it stems from bad parenting. Kids need good guidance and example. I bet you her parents ignore her and are secluded themselves. Most parents nowadays are selfish and only think of themselves when helping their children. They just want them to calm down or go away and never truly help. Parents have to be blamed more for how children are because children learn from example and actual connections with human beings. If children do not get these connections than they don't seek it themselves, they simply do the same and seclude themselves from people or do things like bully.

And remember the media never blames bad parenting for bad behavior in kids, just blame video games.

[Kiriane]

She transferred to a different school. The entire, year-long "incident" was one girl arbitrarily deciding to turn on another, and enlisting her clique to do it. She was a popular girl, so the target basically had no choice, nor did she actually do anything to trigger it that I am aware of. Parents fought back. Instigator refused to apologise. A transfer was arranged. However much the rest of her family supported her, they were basically powerless to actually DO anything about it.

It's definitely a personality thing, because in any similar situation I would have gotten confrontational about it way earlier. First incident a quiet word, second incident a public dressing down, third incident tell the best authority I could find. It would never have reached the level that it did with her. On the other hand, she just kept quiet about it - parents didn't even know until a few months in, and the web was way too tangled and feelings (and habits) ran too deep to be easily fixed.

Also, an interesting note. One guy was well on the way to being the pariah of the class, back in high school. And you can see how it happens too, just on appearance and personality - he wasn't quite similar enough on the surface to any of the established cliques to have gotten into one. I decided that sucked, and then made a point to talk to him and then drag him over and include him in conversations with my clique. Fixed that issue right quick, I did. He settled in nicely and I no longer had to run interference after a few weeks or so. Shows how much high school idiots know, really.

The flip side, guys. When the one with the influence, and don't even ask me how I got that position because I'm clueless and sure never asked for it, is the nice guy instead.

[Gold Vanguard]

What are her parents doing nowadays?

[Blademaster!]

My experience with bullying generally followed the same pattern through out my life: unless someone gets hit, no one gives a shit.

Bullying is kind of an odd thing to think about though and isn't really something people can do too much about to certain degrees. If someone is annoying as shit and gets shunned because of it, that is a type of bullying, but nothing can be done about it because you can't force people to spend time with someone they don't want to be around, and if that person is also annoying to those that are trying to help them, then they are just SoL. Bullying can also help create rivalries and motivation to do better, but obviously that isn't the kind of bullying at hand. The only thing someone being bullied can really do is be active in trying to get people to stop bullying them by talking to the adults around them, otherwise it's even possible for the opposite to happen and the one being bullied kills the bully like that kid in Florida who stabbed that guy to death or that wannabee terrorist (don't remember if he was really a victim of bullying though; also from florida). But then when the opposite does happen, should we really be complaining if the topic at hand can be the result?

[eclipse]

She transferred to a different school. The entire, year-long "incident" was one girl arbitrarily deciding to turn on another, and enlisting her clique to do it. She was a popular girl, so the target basically had no choice, nor did she actually do anything to trigger it that I am aware of. Parents fought back. Instigator refused to apologise. A transfer was arranged. However much the rest of her family supported her, they were basically powerless to actually DO anything about it.

If it were that bad, I'd be going for a restraining order, and getting the very-high-ups in the school involved. She attempts to bug you once you're in a different school, you get her arrested.

The only thing my brain refuses to wrap itself around is why the girl in the video went after a guy who she already knew had a girlfriend. If a guy like that tries to flirt with me, it sends off all sorts of warning bells.

[Sunwoo]

We can all say "I would've done something differently" or "she should've done this", but every person behaves differently to a given situation. Some people are just more rational and can make the "right", objective choice. Some people let their emotions do the talking, which may get them into trouble. It seems to me that this girl made mistakes in her life that people just would not let her get over. They are mistakes that lots of people make. But the people around her hounded her, kept on rubbing it in her face, judged her, and would not let her move on.

I don't think we can say completely, "I would've done this" until we've actually been in another person's shoes. Either way, regardless of what she should or should not have done, nothing gives other people the right to harass someone so much that they feel like their life has no point anymore. No one gives the right to bully people. I don't care if it's the result of some "primal instinct". Society is different now. There is NO FUCKING NEED to give in to "primal survival instincts", if that's even the issue. It's not a "rite of passage". Bullying is a problem, and it should be taken seriously.

[eclipse]

Yes, bullying is a problem, but I think both sides should change. Learning to stand up for yourself and fighting back appropriately are useful later in life. So is not being a shithead, but getting people to listen to you when you tell them that they're being assholes in a bad way is an endeavor unto itself.

[Excellen Browning]

I know it's a natural reaction. If somebody in your tribe is an isolationist, or even just weak, there's a good chance they're dead weight, and unfortunate as it is, that person's existence could be bad for you and the people around you.

We don't live in tribes any more. There's no longer any semblance of an excuse for straight-up unprovoked abuse. It is indeed everybody else who needs to change.

I do not believe - for a flurry of reasons - that significant changes in paradigm like this can happen within a number of generations counted on two hands. I also don't believe General People have the power to accept a reality they do not like and then change themselves accordingly. Thirdly, it might even be human nature in and of itself.

[Ike-Mike]

The whole thread reminds me of this article.

[CrashGordon94]

I probably shouldn't be responding to this topic given my extremely charged opinions on the subject matter but I feel compelled to speak out regardless.

(On a second starting note, would it be appropriate to mention that I have Asperger's Syndrome? I don't know but I can't help but feel that my disability has a part to play in this and I don't want to miss out an important detail.)

I can't believe that some people would make excuses or play devil's advocate for these shitheads. Bullies do not deserve this, I know. I was bullied myself, it wasn't anywhere near the level of this poor girl but it was STILL plenty enough to leave me with permanent psychological scars (as you will no doubt surmise from the rest of this wall of text...) to the point where I would happily give up ALL the relationships I formed in school (giving up many good friends and one of my two current so-called BFFs in the process) just to get rid of this shit. Every night I prayed for God to strike them down and before I stopped believing in Hell I'd wish for them to die and go there. Even today I look at these horrible, soulless, evil, monstrous CUNTS and see the same sick mindset and streak of evil I see in serial killers, rapists, pedophiles and genocidal dictators because NO decent human being could ever want to emotionally torture an innocent person this way. Their crimes may be of a lesser magnitude but there is little in their core seperating them from our Ed Geins and Adolf Hitlers and nothing will EVER excuse that! That kid who stabbed the bully to death was fucking right, it's a crime that people are defending the lives of these scum instead of blowing their shitty little heads off with a Desert Eagle in front of their criminally incompetent parents the moment they're found out.

Now onto the really juicy part! I SEEKED HELP AND IT PRETTY MUCH NEVER WORKED!! I would tell the teachers and they wouldn't lift a fucking finger (One particularly good example: I went to report another student for name-calling and the teacher dismissed it outright saying "If I tried to tell him off, he'd just say he didn't do it), my parents would try their very best (except for those times when even they would abandon me) but couldn't do anything about it. But oh, when I retaliated in any way at all they'd be on my ass like flies on fucking flypaper! I'd get loads of shit and they would often get away scot-free! One time I remember getting dragged out of the room while my bully FUCKING LAUGHED AT ME AND GOT NOTHING FOR DOING THAT!

The only thing that ever stopped it was when my Teaching Assistants were sanctioned to follow me everywhere I went. Even these fuckers knew better than to fuck with someone who had an adult right behind them.

When you combine this with the terrible lessons, teaching and support I got for many years (and to a degree still get), can you blame me for my deep-seated hatred of education?