Childhood friend romances

[Dwalin2010]

I noticed many people on internet hate romances between childhood friends. What's sad is that they don't just dislike specific pairings of specific characters, but hate this type of pairings in general, only because it's love between childhood friends. People often get so mad that they even write fanfictions where childhood friends are evil and selfish individuals while the "other woman" (or man) is a kind person with a heart of gold. For example, people are constantly bashing Akira from the "Ufo Baby" anime (don't know if you watched it) and that kind of behavior makes me extremely sad and depressed.
People sometimes say they don't like childhood friend characters because they are one-dimensional and just watch silently as the main character gets with somebody else instead of acting on their feelings. But, if they DO act, then they are labeled as evil [censored] who stand in the way of the other heroine. No matter how they behave, many people seem just to hate the concept of staying with the first love for the rest of the life. Don't know, maybe they consider this outdated for the modern society and this is the saddest thing.
I would like to ask: what do people on this forum think about this kind of romance? I personally like it much more than love stories between people who met as adults because if the bond is established in an innocent period such as childhood, there is a guarantee it's really love and not just lust. I think the love formed between two children that last throughout their lives is one of the best things ever, even though it's so rare...

I don't really know if I put the topic in the right section because when I asked myself this question I was thinking mostly about fiction, but I guess it could be applied to real life too.

P.S. Don't know why the post does have a light brown background. Probably because I copied some of the paragraphs from my posts on other forums where there was this color.

Edited April 23, 2013 by Dwalin2010

[Silver Lightning]

I judge romances like these like I judge all romances: on a case by case basis. While I can and will notice certain similarities between types of romances (such as childhood ones) that may influence me one way or another, for me it just comes down to if its believable, if it spoke to me on another level than usual, and if I just plain liked it. Doesn't matter if they met as adults, or teenagers, or kids, or if they are of differing age ranges....if I like it, I like it. No prejudice here.... :P

[mewyeon]

You know, normally I wouldn't mind them. But they got so cliched that I'm having difficulty stomaching them, and the ones that I've heard of are getting progressively more and more unrealistic. However, when kept within reason, they can be quite nice :D

[shadowofchaos]

Don't even care.

Sakura x Syaoran forever.

Though my childhood friend's dad shipping me with her gets kind of annoying sometimes >_>;

Even if I'm a sap for this kind of romance.

[Kon]

I adore these kind of romances, especially if they're done well~ But it can be a tad cliched when it's not executed properly. :c

[Bryan]

Don't even care.

Sakura x Syaoran forever.

Though my childhood friend's dad shipping me with her gets kind of annoying sometimes >_>;

Even if I'm a sap for this kind of romance.

Wait, there are people who don't ship them?

hipsters

I think childhood friends are romantic. I'd like to believe in true love and first loves.

[eclipse]

I'm not a fan of most romance, and the "childhood friend" thing is no exception. It takes a talented author to pull it off correctly (and I don't really remember any off the top of my head).

[Tango]

The phrase "childhood friend romance" makes me cringe for some reason. I think it's because the friends I had in my childhood were atrocious, so I project that onto the entire concept. Maybe that's where people who hate that kind of relationship are coming from.

Objectively, there's something about it that seems really cheesy. It seems to be a cliche amongst amatuer fan fiction writers for some reason, which is probably why it's so negatively perceived. Characters in that situation should be treated as individual characters, not a situational cliche.

[Dwalin2010]

Characters in that situation should be treated as individual characters, not a situational cliche.

I agree with this, if there were only disagreements about specific pairings, it would be fine. But the fact is there are people who just "criminalize" the entire category as such, they are not just saying they don't like specific examples, that's the thing I was complaining about.

[eclipse]

I agree with this, if there were only disagreements about specific pairings, it would be fine. But the fact is there are people who just "criminalize" the entire category as such, they are not just saying they don't like specific examples, that's the thing I was complaining about.

Everyone has their own tastes, even you. If people don't like it for whatever reason, so what?

If I ever see a really well-done example of "childhood friend to romantic partner", I'll say something. I'm still waiting.

[Vorena]

To be honest, the disdain you notice is probably limited to within a specific community and not the whole majority reaction.

For me, I enjoy the thought of something like that happening since I think for me it would be nice if it had happened. I suppose it still could, but unlikely. Anyway, about this plot element being repetitive it seems to be true. At least within the context of what I have seen it seems to be fairly popular. But, I guess the reason most people dislike it is because they have seen it way too much. I bet if many people think back to the time where they didn't have the weight of say 50 childhood romances stories backlogged into their head each time they read a new one they wouldn't think so negatively of it. That first time you read such a plot element its new and you have very few prejudices against it the first couple of times. After a long time reading many stories I think people start to get too picky. Reading something new and refreshing is hard to come by if you are into reading a lot of stories.

Edited April 24, 2013 by Vorena

[Sunwoo]

I don't have a problem with childhood romances themselves, as with any other "archetype" of romantic pairing. What I take issue with is seeing the "same story" written over and over again, only with different names and faces. Perhaps it's because I come from fanfiction.net and fictionpress.com, but I have noticed that a lot of stories that fall under archetypes, like "childhood friends" or "girl hates boy who likes her" or what else have you seem to follow the same "twists and turns" as other stories of that type. I'm not interested in reading the same thing over and over again, with only a few differences in them. I like stories that use the same "archetype" but uniquely written characters.

Another part of me that dislikes childhood romances specifically is probably due to my own nature. I don't believe in romantic love. I believe in friendships. I believe in familial love. But I don't believe in romantic love. There are so many people my age who don't even know what love is. Depending on what you're defining "childhood" as, the cynical part of me says that "dumb kids don't know what love is at that age".

[Vorena]

Hmm... I have never tried fanfiction all that much. Amateur writing always seems so...awkward to read. Its hard to experience immersion within a story compared to other more serialized works.

[Raven]

In some cases (probably most), the main character ends up in a relationship with the new girl, to the dismay of the childhood friend of the guy.

[spoiler=Shuffle! spoiler]Shuffle! is probably the most memorable anime where this kind of thing happened. Quite a few people didn't like the outcome, but I preferred it. Bitch was crazy, like a fucking obsessive, overly-attached kind of crazy.

[Dwalin2010]

Everyone has their own tastes, even you. If people don't like it for whatever reason, so what?

If I ever see a really well-done example of "childhood friend to romantic partner", I'll say something. I'm still waiting.

And I would like to understand those tastes. If they give me no "why", how can I ? Of course, you can say they technically "don't have to" give me their reasons, but I don't get it why would they say so if they have nothing personal against me and are simply asked a question. After all, it's not a criminal hearing with all lawyers present where it's vital not to answer questions to avoid being convicted

I simply don't understand (even though I would like to) people who hate childhood friend romances just because they are "childhood friend" romances and for no other reason and generalize the whole category without examining specific cases before judging. I personally don't see how it's different from generalizing people by their skin color or national belonging.

Anyway, it's all about the way they express it. If they just say "it's all stinky sugar-coated crap" without being able to say anything else, it's not really respectful towards the others' right to have a different opinion.

the cynical part of me says that "dumb kids don't know what love is at that age".

I think that even in cases they don't, it can evolve into real love unless they are pulled apart by force.

Edited April 25, 2013 by Red Fox of Fire

[Rehab]

My interpretation so far of romantic love is that it depends on how close people are comfortable being to each another over a lasting period of time. How much they're comfortable sharing, what commitments they're comfortable making (or at least overall willing to make) to each other, and how comfortably/effectively they can draw strength from each other. How each participant helps fulfill the other's needs, how willingly they do so, and how they react to adversity overall.

Childhood-and-beyond romances can be fulfilling and well-done in all those ways, to be sure, but I think they can also be done lazily. For example, the idea that a childhood romance is as strong and/or virtuous as any can possibly be, just because it began in childhood, is an easy way to put me off a bit, as it's not like they can't still end up dominated unduly by lust, possessiveness, and/or friction. The idea that it can't fall prey to any of the same pitfalls that can dog a relationship formed at any other point in life occasionally seems to be woven into some depictions, though I'm not actually sure if it's a more common occurrence in them than in any other.

All love requires work and consideration, basically. If the writer shows that, they can do almost anything they want with it as far as I'm concerned. If they show that's been happening ever since childhood for their characters, and/or has gone through believable developments along that path since then, so much the better! Just so long as they use the childhood relationship angle to enhance, rather than to simply justify the romance.

Edited April 24, 2013 by Rehab

[Dwalin2010]

My interpretation so far of romantic love is that it depends on how close people are comfortable being to each another over a lasting period of time. How much they're comfortable sharing, what commitments they're comfortable making (or at least overall willing to make) to each other, and how comfortably/effectively they can draw strength from each other. How each participant helps fulfill the other's needs, how willingly they do so, and how they react to adversity overall.

Childhood-and-beyond romances can be fulfilling and well-done in all those ways, to be sure, but I think they can also be done lazily. For example, the idea that a childhood romance is as strong and/or virtuous as any can possibly be, just because it began in childhood, is an easy way to put me off a bit, as it's not like they can't still end up dominated unduly by lust, possessiveness, and/or friction. The idea that it can't fall prey to any of the same pitfalls that can dog a relationship formed at any other point in life occasionally seems to be woven into some depictions, though I'm not actually sure if it's a more common occurrence in them than in any other.

All love requires work and consideration, basically. If the writer shows that, they can do almost anything they want with it as far as I'm concerned. If they show that's been happening ever since childhood for their characters, and/or has gone through believable developments along that path since then, so much the better! Just so long as they use the childhood relationship angle to enhance, rather than to simply justify the romance.

Here I agree with everything. Anyway, there is nothing wrong with not liking childhood friend romances as long as people are polite and respect the point of view of those who don't think like them and don't just insult for the sake of it by no giving other reasons than "childhood romances are dumb and crappy" and "staying with the same person forever is immature" without explaining why would that be the case.

Edited April 24, 2013 by Dwalin2010

[Anacybele]

I honestly tend to love childhood friend pairings. There are exceptions of course, but for some reason, I usually find them plain cute. I don't know why, really. Maybe it's because the two characters had been close for a long time and of their own free will, or maybe it's because of the characters themselves. Who knows.

[eclipse]

And I would like to understand those tastes. If they give me no "why", how can I ? Of course, you can say they technically "don't have to" give me their reasons, but I don't get it why would they say so if they have nothing personal against me and are simply asked a question. After all, it's not a criminal hearing with all lawyers present where it's vital not to answer questions to avoid being convicted

I simply don't understand (even though I would like to) people who hate childhood friend romances just because they are "childhood friend" romances and for no other reason and generalize the whole category without examining specific cases before judging. I personally don't see how it's different from generalizing people by their skin color or national belonging.

Anyway, it's all about the way they express it. If they just say "it's all stinky sugar-coated crap" without being able to say anything else, it's not really respectful towards the others' right to have a different opinion.

In general, I think most romance out there is painful to read. Putting "childhood friend" on top of it doesn't make what is already bad any better. I also have my own personal experiences, which tell me that childhood friends make for crappy romantic partners (but that's my own experiences, so eh).

I shall also disagree about throwing the entire subgenre under the bus. So WHAT if someone thinks it's the worst thing since Twilight? Will this cause a huge loss in someone's quality of life? Will this be the basis of any major financial/personal/government decisions? I've got better things to worry about, thankyouverymuch.

[Dwalin2010]

I shall also disagree about throwing the entire subgenre under the bus. So WHAT if someone thinks it's the worst thing since Twilight? Will this cause a huge loss in someone's quality of life? Will this be the basis of any major financial/personal/government decisions? I've got better things to worry about, thankyouverymuch.

I am not saying you have to worry about it, there is no need to react in such a cynical way, I have done nothing to you. But just hating it like that for no reason is weird (even if, as you told you have negative personal experience, I don't see how this makes you hate the whole category and not just cases of specific people). People are constantly talking to me about respecting others' tastes while they themselves don't even try to respect mine (of those of people who think like me).

[eclipse]

I am not saying you have to worry about it, there is no need to react in such a cynical way, I have done nothing to you. But just hating it like that for no reason is weird (even if, as you told you have negative personal experience, I don't see how this makes you hate the whole category and not just cases of specific people). People are constantly talking to me about respecting others' tastes while they themselves don't even try to respect mine (of those of people who think like me).

What I responded to (bold mine):

And I would like to understand those tastes. If they give me no "why", how can I ? Of course, you can say they technically "don't have to" give me their reasons, but I don't get it why would they say so if they have nothing personal against me and are simply asked a question. After all, it's not a criminal hearing with all lawyers present where it's vital not to answer questions to avoid being convicted

I simply don't understand (even though I would like to) people who hate childhood friend romances just because they are "childhood friend" romances and for no other reason and generalize the whole category without examining specific cases before judging. I personally don't see how it's different from generalizing people by their skin color or national belonging.

Anyway, it's all about the way they express it. If they just say "it's all stinky sugar-coated crap" without being able to say anything else, it's not really respectful towards the others' right to have a different opinion.

Now, getting on someone's case for something they were born with (skin color) is a completely different from a trivial preference (childhood friend romance). The former has some real-life implications (race and all that); the latter, not so much. My question to you is: why does it matter if someone dismisses the entire genre?

[Dwalin2010]

Now, getting on someone's case for something they were born with (skin color) is a completely different from a trivial preference (childhood friend romance). The former has some real-life implications (race and all that); the latter, not so much. My question to you is: why does it matter if someone dismisses the entire genre?

I am not saying they have no right to dismiss it, I am just saddened by such reactions on something innocent and tender (you can argue not ALL childhood romances are forever innocent and tender, but again, it's a matter of different cases), and I always want to understand the reasons, I am simply not one of those people who say "I could care less about what others think". If we are talking only about fiction, where childhood friend romances are often badly written because of the lack of character development, that I can understand (but in this case it would be you disliking the pairings for the lack of character development, not because they are childhood friends). But if you are talking about real life too, about people who managed to be happy with their childhood friends and you are still saying it stinks, that's a different matter.

Edited April 25, 2013 by Dwalin2010

[eclipse]

I am not saying they have no right to dismiss it, I am just saddened by such reactions on something innocent and tender (you can argue not ALL childhood romances are forever innocent and tender, but again, it's a matter of different cases), and I always want to understand the reasons, I am simply not one of those people who say "I could care less about what others think". If we are talking only about fiction, where childhood friend romances are often badly written because of the lack of character development, that I can understand (but in this case it would be you disliking the pairings for the lack of character development, not because they are childhood friends). But if you are talking about real life too, about people who managed to be happy with their childhood friends and you are still saying it stinks, that's a different matter.

That's a better explanation. I don't really care WHY people get together, but if it works for them IRL, hallelujah.

I dislike most fictional romance because it's badly done, and childhood friend romance is no exception.

[Dwalin2010]

Eclipse, a small digression: you mentioned Twilight. Is it really THAT bad? I have never watched or read it, but many people are saying it's so EXTREMELY PAINFUL to follow that it seems they wouldn't do it even if promised a big reward unless they have a gun pointed at their head

[Thor Odinson]

Twilight is utter shit. Its glorification of abusive relationships and dependence and devaluing of consent are just among some of its severely problematic portrayals of romance.

In addition, the characterization, for the most part, is bland as fuck.