The Boy

[Sublime Manic]

Dan, feel free to largely disregard the message of Blu's post and the bad grammar it contains. I'm pretty sure most people would say he has a rather warped view of reality, himself.

[BBM]

Yes, bullying happens, but attitudes similar to what Olwen expresses like "it's never going to go away so why even bother" are literally the worst attitudes you can have. hurr murder happens so why even do anything about it? Perhaps a better analogy- marital rape happens, and IIRC, similar to bullying, at least 70% of cases aren't reported (and until around 10-15 years ago, marital rape wasn't even considered illegal). Does that mean we do nothing about it? Of course not.

Some (very few) parts of what Blu said were correct, though I'd agree with Sublime Manic and chip in that he probably has at least as many problems as the OP. I've been bullied as well, though not quite to the same extent. Yeah, you do have to push back. Bullies pick weak targets. It literally is quite as simple as learning how to make yourself a strong(er) target. Trying to skulk around and run whenever you see them doesn't do jack shit. As long as your bullies aren't physically harming you, talking back to them can only help. It might get a little worse before it gets better, but they'll tire sooner or later. If they are seriously physically harming you, the school will actually go rather a lot further than just a "slap on the wrist" for the bully because they know that stuff reflects badly on them.

Making friends is unfortunately more difficult. What Blu says is somewhat correct- an old friend might stick with you if things become bad for you, but if things are already bad, you're not going to have people queuing up to be your friend. Fixing the first problem and at least removing yourself from the bottom of the ladder will probably go a long way to making this better by itself. Other than that, just be friendly to people (other than your bullies and stuff). I doubt most people really dislike you- they just don't want to be the friend of "that kid", like Blu says. I can't really offer so much advice here because I'm not great at this either. What I can say is that you don't need to be the most popular or have the most amount of friends. Even one close friend is much much more valuable than a lot of superficial friends. And you'd be surprised what a close friendship can spring from!

One last thing- friends are important, but at the end of the day, you have to make yourself happy. Giving someone the power to make you feel an emotion gives them the power to make you feel all emotions. If you can make yourself happy, when a friend makes you unhappy (which will happen, for whatever reason, and for whatever amount of time), you'll still be able to be okay. If you're not happy on your own, you'll be lost.

Edited May 20, 2013 by BBM

[Chiki]

Lol, he's telling you to get yourself beaten up by talking back to your bullies. Plain stupid.

[eclipse]

Lol, he's telling you to get yourself beaten up by talking back to your bullies. Plain stupid.

You DO realize that if it gets physical, someone's gonna have to step in? I'd be more than happy to force that issue, if that's what it would take for the higher-ups to take it seriously.

EDIT: Blu makes a good example. . .of what happens if you continually run away.

Edited May 20, 2013 by eclipse

[Chiki]

Lol, no one has to step in the moment it gets physical. He'll be able to complain after getting a black eye, yes. By then it'll be too late.

Edited May 20, 2013 by Olwen

[eclipse]

Lol, no one has to step in the moment it gets physical. He'll be able to complain after getting a black eye, yes. By then it'll be too late.

Oh man, the FUN I'd have with that~!

(yes, I got into a fight in school, and yes, I raised hell, and yes it worked)

[Dandragon]

He wasn't brainwashed. I used to be that one dude too. I was friend with the most unpopular dude at school. When you befriend ''weirdos'' you become a ''weirdo'' yourself. Then you may lose all the power you had socially. Your friend only wanted to fit in with the group. He might have faced the same stuff you faced yourself. Few people are willing to sacrifice themselves for ''friendship''. I tried to change that weirdo dude. He didn't listen to my good advice.

I was the one that was brainwashed and left HIM.

[Excellen Browning]

Oh man, the FUN I'd have with that~!(yes, I got into a fight in school, and yes, I raised hell, and yes it worked)

At my high school the violence and sexual harassment happened firmly outside the school grounds =/

Which was one of the reasons why the school staff was useless for anti-bullying purposes.

One of the other main reasons was that they couldn't do anything when someone was being firmly left out of the group.

So what you have been saying on the subject so far hasn't been making sense to me.

Edited May 20, 2013 by Gyarados

[BBM]

As for out-of-school bullying, stick to populated places if possible. Bullies can target you in public at school because they intimidate other kids there as well. They don't intimidate anybody outside. Unless you go to gatherings of people from your school, but why would you if you don't have any friends there?

If you get a black eye on school grounds, no, that doesn't make it "too late". Pretty sure that's grounds for a suspension. I don't know about you guys, but I wouldn't mind getting punched once or twice if that meant I'd stop getting bullied (though my problems stopped before they got to that point).

[Quick]

As for out-of-school bullying, stick to populated places if possible. Bullies can target you in public at school because they intimidate other kids there as well. They don't intimidate anybody outside. Unless you go to gatherings of people from your school, but why would you if you don't have any friends there?

I would actually recommend maybe walking alone to a park or just a stroll sometimes just to recollect yourself, even just lying down in your backyard (bullies can't reliably harm you in any of these places) is just as/more efficient than what I mentioned earlier. I honestly believe that isolating yourself and getting fresh air is the best way to be happy after traumatizing stuff. While I don't know how you feel as much, I have been bullied due to stuff that I cannot change as well as not getting liked by a lot of people, so I at least know some of it.

Still, life is something you should a good time in, so make sure you don't/stop act(ing) like what they say affect you too much, it doesn't come easy but during the summer you should be able to train yourself to that. (Thankfully 10th grade is almost over!) People say you should be social in High School but I disagree, being social in (an American) High School has no value since many people there are just douches and have no sense of practicality. Being social in other places help, but not in school.

Edited May 21, 2013 by Quick

[eclipse]

At my high school the violence and sexual harassment happened firmly outside the school grounds =/

Which was one of the reasons why the school staff was useless for anti-bullying purposes.

One of the other main reasons was that they couldn't do anything when someone was being firmly left out of the group.

So what you have been saying on the subject so far hasn't been making sense to me.

Some people are really dumb, and will attempt things like physical violence on school grounds. That's when the school MUST get involved. If it's outside of school grounds, then the next best thing would be a restraining order (helps if there's online activity, along with ISP records). If it's physical violence outside of school grounds, then it gets tricky, and will probably require a lawyer.

[Chiki]

As for out-of-school bullying, stick to populated places if possible. Bullies can target you in public at school because they intimidate other kids there as well. They don't intimidate anybody outside. Unless you go to gatherings of people from your school, but why would you if you don't have any friends there?

If you get a black eye on school grounds, no, that doesn't make it "too late". Pretty sure that's grounds for a suspension. I don't know about you guys, but I wouldn't mind getting punched once or twice if that meant I'd stop getting bullied (though my problems stopped before they got to that point).

Ignore this guy. He's telling you to get beaten up. Bullying isn't going to stop after a suspension.

[Dandragon]

Ignore this guy. He's telling you to get beaten up. Bullying isn't going to stop after a suspension.

No, what he is saying does have some truth to it.

While that makes me a manipulative jerk, it does mean that (hopefully) teachers and principles will get involved. I've found that bullying hasn't been as direct to simply tell on someone.

They simply do things that they know pisses you off (or at least in my case).

Still, I'm not looking to get myself hit, but if it comes to that, it is a viable option.

[Chiki]

Do you really think bullies will stop at that if they get suspended? They'll get their friends to do something, or they'll continue outside of school, which the school can do nothing about.

[Bluedoom]

Olwen's words have some truth to them, but going physical is more or less a gamble. Considering the way you're describing bullies, confronting them sounds like a safe bet actually.

[MacLovin]

to be honest, it depends on the bullies.

If they're the really reckless type, then they'll probobly go after you without stopping.

And to be honest, I'd reccommend learning Charisma. It's a learnable skill and it's completly applicable.

[Life]

I'm back to kick ass and chew bubblegum. And I'm all out of gum.

In all seriousness, I wasn't intending to ninja the thread but I'm kinda in the middle of commander's course so.... Busy all the time.

I could not care less if people talked about me behind my back at this point and, once again, I'm not trying to draw attention to myself. I did this to VENT. Nothing more. How many times must I say that. I knew that people would find this and I knew people would respond, but what I did was to release the bottled up emotions I had.

As more counselors, I've gone to them before, and all I get is "While your life sucks, you need to change." While it is logical for this response, as the saying goes "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few", I went to them for emotional support AS WELL AS advice.

If I'm starting to sound angry, I am a little bit and I apologize. I guess I can start a discussion then.

"What do you do when the adults in your life, specifically the ones who are there to help you, do nothing?"

Methinks that you don't understand English that well.

First of all, as Eclipse and others pointed out, this is attention-seeking. Putting a rant on a public forum is looking for attention because you are seeking APATHY (my English is receding so I probably spelled that wrong). Whatever, I couldn't give two shits about that. My problem is with you seeking SYMPATHY. You make yourself out to be this perfect little thing that is only taken advantage of... without considering the possibility that you may be throwing gasoline on the flame.

Which leads into my next point. Guidence councillors aren't miracle workers. They can't help you cope with medical problems and from tgis response, it seems like you may be causing your own anti-social problems. Which becomes a vicious cycle and you really only have yourself to blame. That is if you can drop this infuriating "I'm the victim" act because you oversold that performance harder than Nicholas Cage.

The fact of the matter is, Asperger's is not a mental illness which includes feeling sorry for yourself as a symptom. Which is probably the reason you have so few (if none, no idea) friends.

[cyron]

well, as said talking back works, sometimes the really reckless idiots might actually attack you if you verbally respond, which as stated before will get them in a ton of trouble (if someone does attack you while it might seem like a good idea to injure them don't just yell a lot and get as much attention as possible if you injure you might be the one in trouble) and it might get them sent to some sort of juvenile detention center if it happened before (or they get a suspension but it would raise awareness among the faculty about your issue and they might realize that its actually a big important issue and work very hard to fix it) . if they are intelligent they likely wont attack you and eventually will back off.

As far as how to talk to them, don't be insulting be apathetic, act as though you don't care, explain to them that its their opinion and that you don't care, they will likely top since what they want is for you to turn into a yelling, screaming, crying mess and if you just stay calm it will be boring for them and they will hopefully stop.

Another thing that would help solve your issue would be to make friends. The best way to do this is to find some sort of club (in or out of school) that interests you and that you are knowledgeable about, and join it. Then just talk to people be open (though don't flaunt or talk about your issues and try to not be pessimistic) (this is not to say you shouldn't tell people you have a problem), be yourself chances are you will meet at least one nice person.

Edited May 21, 2013 by Formidatus

[Chiki]

The fact of the matter is, Asperger's is not a mental illness which includes feeling sorry for yourself as a symptom. Which is probably the reason you have so few (if none, no idea) friends.

This is a very simple way of thinking. While Asperger's may not be the medical cause of his feeling sorry for himself, it can certainly lead to it due to his bullying.

[Redwall]

Putting a rant on a public forum is looking for attention because you are seeking APATHY

what in the world are you talking about

My problem is with you seeking SYMPATHY.

oh my goodness that is so wrong of him.

You make yourself out to be this perfect little thing that is only taken advantage of... without considering the possibility that you may be throwing gasoline on the flame.

What is this, Victim Blaming 101? Now with Elementary Smoke and Mirrors as a prerequisite, I guess.

Which leads into my next point. Guidence councillors aren't miracle workers.

No one is saying they are.

They can't help you cope with medical problems and from tgis response

Um, except they can if they have the relevant training.

it seems like you may be causing your own anti-social problems. Which becomes a vicious cycle and you really only have yourself to blame. That is if you can drop this infuriating "I'm the victim" act because you oversold that performance harder than Nicholas Cage.

Hay it's more unsubstantiated victim blaming

These are arguments from Cracker Jack boxes. I thought this was Serious Discussion?

[Dandragon]

I'm back to kick ass and chew bubblegum. And I'm all out of gum.

In all seriousness, I wasn't intending to ninja the thread but I'm kinda in the middle of commander's course so.... Busy all the time.

Methinks that you don't understand English that well.

First of all, as Eclipse and others pointed out, this is attention-seeking. Putting a rant on a public forum is looking for attention because you are seeking APATHY (my English is receding so I probably spelled that wrong). Whatever, I couldn't give two shits about that. My problem is with you seeking SYMPATHY. You make yourself out to be this perfect little thing that is only taken advantage of... without considering the possibility that you may be throwing gasoline on the flame.

Which leads into my next point. Guidence councillors aren't miracle workers. They can't help you cope with medical problems and from tgis response, it seems like you may be causing your own anti-social problems. Which becomes a vicious cycle and you really only have yourself to blame. That is if you can drop this infuriating "I'm the victim" act because you oversold that performance harder than Nicholas Cage.

The fact of the matter is, Asperger's is not a mental illness which includes feeling sorry for yourself as a symptom. Which is probably the reason you have so few (if none, no idea) friends.

I think you fail to understand that I am not made fun of for my autism.

And I don't think of myself as perfect. I never have and I never will.

Every word you have typed to me is the same thing that has been said to me countless times: go solve it yourself. Well, guess where that led me to.

If you have a problem with me seeking sympathy, then fine. I respect your opinion that you think I am a selfish bastard looking for people to white knight me. I just don't agree with it as that is not my intention.

I've repeatedly come to this topic again and again to get advice and encouraging words, not words that make me want to kill myself.

In short: you are not helping me think better of anything in this world. And, while I've been struggling not to swear, I would really appreciate it if you would kindly fuck off.

Come back when you have gone through everything I have, then we'll talk. But for now, I am sick and tired of people like you who simply tell me to solve my own problems alone. If that worked, I wouldn't be here typing this on this forum.

If I sound angry, it is because I am.

I am not perfect, but neither are you. Fuck off.

[Bluedoom]

If da bullies are just trying to make you feel bad then they're just wimps u shouldn't give into. While talking back, dont make it sound like it was a speech u prepared, but dont also sound like you're an emotional wreck. If you wanna make friends u'll have to give it time- its hard to find genuine right off the bat. Also you might wanna self-reflect and see if you're uptight about trivial things, which inhibits socializing. I for one knew my behaviour was diff in school compared to times with my good friends.

[eclipse]

Do you really think bullies will stop at that if they get suspended? They'll get their friends to do something, or they'll continue outside of school, which the school can do nothing about.

The hell kind of world do you live in? No, really. You're pouring out worst-case scenarios from I-don't-know-where. I've been through this, and things stopped after a nice parent-administration conference.

[Espinosa]

There exist "worlds" where teachers support or even participate in the bullying and the administration doesn't do a whole lot.

[eclipse]

There exist "worlds" where teachers support or even participate in the bullying and the administration doesn't do a whole lot.

I know, because I've lived in one. Those types tend to crumble once there's enough pressure on top.