Love and relationships

[Nightmare]

Looks like everyone's sheathing so I'll just say this because I was asked.

But then how would everyone be the same, Nightmare? We're still different people even if we don't try based off of attractiveness.

They wouldn't be the same same, of course, but they would still lose a significant part of themselves.

[Junkhead]

I think attractiveness is important because I want my off-springs to look beautiful.

[Phoenix Wright]

Physical attractiveness? Not important. Personality being attractive? Extremely important. It's not right to judge based off of appearance in the romance sort of setting, but if their personality is shit it's not worth your time unless all you wanna do is have sex. In which case, good luck to you.

If you look at a person and say "nope, no can do" because of how they look, that's a problem

Oh no it is not. I'm not just talking about pure looks here, I'm also talking about how a female presents herself (this plays a huge role in physical attractiveness).

There's no way I'd ever date a female bodybuilder or someone with piercings all over their body. Call me shallow if you'd like, but there are preferences that I have. The way a woman presents herself says things about her personality--and sometimes the way a woman looks is all I need when considering romance or not.

On the topic of attractiveness, what has been everyone's experience with the whole 'the more I get to know someone over the time, the more/less attractive they become'?

Now see, this really depends on that person's personality.

There's this one girl (whom I can barely remember as it was back in 10th/11th grade) that is by most people's measures fairly attractive physically. However, I really disliked her as a person, and through that I still think her to be unattractive.

There's another girl who's the exact opposite. Because I find her to be pretty awesome, she's become sexy to me (when prior to meeting her she'd be average).

Because I only hangout with people I enjoy, though, generally I could say that people become more attractive to me.

[Junkhead]

By the way, I was actually serious. :/

[Helios]

Physical attractiveness? Not important. Personality being attractive? Extremely important. It's not right to judge based off of appearance in the romance sort of setting, but if their personality is shit it's not worth your time unless all you wanna do is have sex. In which case, good luck to you.

I kinda agree with this? I mean I'd rather date a girl who's a 7 (1-10 scale) with a GREAT personality than a 9 with a meh personality. Physical attractiveness is important though, and you're lying to yourself if you don't think so. To have a healthy relationship you do need to be physically attracted to your partner as well after all. I think that personality makes a girl more or less attractive physically; like their personality shines through...if that makes sense. I just don't want to marry a girl, then wake up one day and look at her and be like "damn I kinda regret this". Still though, while it's not a deciding factor, I think good looks are important.

On the topic of attractiveness, what has been everyone's experience with the whole 'the more I get to know someone over the time, the more/less attractive they become'?

Other than one girl (who I dated for a while), every girl I've met and gotten to know, I've lost attraction to over time. I think it's because I focus on people's good points when I first get to know them, and only those good points. As I get to know them, I start to see their flaws, and I have trouble seeing them the same as before. It's not like I don't think they're great people or anything anymore, I just realize that they'd be better as just friends rather than something more than that.

[Rehab]

On the topic of attractiveness, what has been everyone's experience with the whole 'the more I get to know someone over the time, the more/less attractive they become'?

Very, for me. That's the central point I'd make wrt to "physical attractiveness being important vs. not."

It doesn't even have to be somebody I'm dating (though it certainly happens with them as well)- the more familiar I am with somebody's appearance, assuming I like being around them/their personality/etc, the more likely I am to find them "attractive" physically. (And kinda vice-versa- if it's the opposite and being around them is hnrrrgh, I'm more likely to dismiss or even vilify qualities I'd probably find attractive in somebody else.) (Not my proudest moments, those.)

Like, I've had more than one offline crush with physical components involved on people who, if I had only ever seen via pictures without otherwise meeting in person, probably wouldn't have been among the people I'd immediately be going all

over, but who, in practice, with personal experience and all, I ended up getting totally "damn they're perfect" flustered over.

Generally, I think it's (attraction in general, but especially appearance) much more heavily perception-based (subjective) than people take for granted. Or that I'm crazy and just have had a million experiences where I've seen somebody's appearance criticized and could only

Edited July 24, 2013 by Rehab

[deleted35362]

On the topic of attractiveness, what has been everyone's experience with the whole 'the more I get to know someone over the time, the more/less attractive they become'?

for me, people usually become more attractive over time. i'm a pessimist, so i always see the bad in everything first. i'm not much of a vain person, though ;p

[Djeets]

soo your the type that goes doubting to everyone at first then you'll be open to said person later on bon?

[Junkhead]

Rehab, that post is amazing.

[deleted35362]

soo your the type that goes doubting to everyone at first then you'll be open to said person later on bon?

yep. everything i like wasn't liked at first, but had time to grow on me.

[Guy Starwind]

As someone who stutters themselves it's bothersome but it's life. One of the best things I've learned is to put yourself in a role while speaking. For example I sometimes talk in a southern accent despite the fact I'm from Oregon. But by being in the southern role I tend to stutter a lot less. I often say things like my dear, young lady, young man, etc as blockers when I feel it coming on. As someone mentioned you can use it for advantage at times too.

For people who don't stutter please don't try to finish the word for us. We know what we want to say if not we'll ask for your help

Edited July 24, 2013 by Guy Starwind

[Vorena]

Since you mention that about finishing sentences, I find myself doing that all the time. Anytime I can sense the direction the conversation is going. An example is someone runs into a funny situation or ridiculous scenario in their life, but sadly the start to the tale is quite cliched, so I sort of already know how it ends and start filling in words and stuff. Or if someone pauses for a split second I fill in the next word for them. I never really paid attention to it until seeing a few people and even a doctor telling me that one of the questionnaires they use to help see if someone might have ADHD as an adults is stuff like "Are you finding yourself filling words for other people while they speak?" Well, I do legitimately have ADHD, so perhaps its a side effect of that. Whenever someone fills in a word for you maybe that person isn't doing it because you stumble, but because of their own issues.

When I think about it I bet everyone is going to start turning down potential relationships purely based on first impressions. Suppose one person has this every so more interesting trait you like and you give you them more of a chance than you would someone you have not gotten to meet fully. Whether its physical appearance or actions I think people start selecting arbitrarily. This is sort of why I would prefer to never willing seek a relationship and more simply let it come by naturally. Eventually (hopefully) I'll end up spending enough time with someone that something falls into place.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_v7QrIW0zY Also, this is amazing.

[mewyeon]

Rehab, that post is amazing.

Those spongebob pics were perfect. My face every time. And the subjectivity part is so true! Whenever my friends have girl talk it always comes up as 'UGH WHAT DO YOU SEE IN HIM????' vs. '*swoon* isn't he just perfect?' Or that one game, 'what if he's perfect in every way, BUT...'. Interesting to find people's different tolerance levels for certain things.

[Tryhard]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3WKfgbUkSug

Somewhat relevant.

If nothing else you got to watch a video on youtube, go you.

[Duskbird]

All I need is the virtual babes, and yes that means you Lissa.

[Superbus]

In cases like this, I figure I can come in and give my sage, saintly (read: I'm fucking old) experience, and talk about my experiences over X amount of years.

But then I realize that I don't want to sound like a putz who sits on his porch and gives out Werthers' Originals.

Long story short: it's not as bad as you think, and everyone will eventually figure this shit out.

[eclipse]

In cases like this, I figure I can come in and give my sage, saintly (read: I'm fucking old) experience, and talk about my experiences over X amount of years.

But then I realize that I don't want to sound like a putz who sits on his porch and gives out Werthers' Originals.

Long story short: it's not as bad as you think, and everyone will eventually figure this shit out.

Disclaimer: For very long periods of "eventually"

Source: If everyone did, family lawyers would be out of business

[Raven]

Aren't you only 30 or something, that's still relatively young.

[PuffPuff]

@Trent: I don't see how saying attractiveness is not important is naive. Attractiveness is a nice factor, sure, but it shouldn't factor into any sort of decision-making. I'm saying that if you automatically declare "that person is not dating material" because they don't look attractive to you, you're possibly preventing yourself from having a great relationship with the person.

If your concern is that there'll be no passion because there's no attraction, well, that depends on the person. To answer mewyeon's question, I've definitely found people more attractive the more I got to know them, but maybe that changes for some people? Point being that even your initial perception of a person's appearance can change. So appearance really isn't that important if you tend to find people attractive after getting to know them anyway.

But, since it may look like I was trying to tell you people how you should judge, let me rephrase: your chances of finding a happy relationship are higher if appearances don't matter to you. In the end I guess it's all a matter of opinion. I'm not saying people who say physical attraction is important to them are wrong (after all this is all about opinion and I hope I don't have to prefix everything I say with "I believe"), just that I disagree with the viewpoint.

But some people care about appearance first...which that's, ok. But...they also need to learn that it is also what's on the inside that counts. And also right about relationships getting more chances to be happy with people not caring about appearances. But...even though everyone is totally not agreeable on that, that doesn't mean that they are totally wrong. But those disagreeable people can also change by others if given a chance.

[eclipse]

And that is a necropost. Goodnight, sweet thread.