Anyone up for a Pokémon Emerald draft?

[Terrador]

[spoiler=TEAM THWOMP Chapter 5]With The Soldier harassing me as I go! U-ho!

And yet he won't battle me!

...oh yeah, I skipped Brawly.

I'm ARDAN! LITTLEROOT'S POON SLAYER!

Let's hope you leveled up while I was out adventuri--

NOPE.

Actually, that's usually what I assume! It's not FE7 over here. Attacks connect.

U-HO!

Much intimidating

such wow

You have a Linoone! Why aren't your Pokemon all jacked up on Rare Candies and shit?

Cherry-tapping. Gotta love it.

VITAL THROW DID NOT ONE-SHOT

PANIC MODE ENGAGE

Oh, yeah. Truant.

AW YEAH

DOGA ISN'T ENTIRELY USELESS ANYMORE

(remember him? He's still theoretically a part of the team!)

ARDAN HAS MUCH ZIP

THANKS TO HIS ROLLERSKATES

ARDAN ACCEPTS YOUR FETCH QUEST.

BROM GET

So HARDY.

STEPPING ON BUTTONS

Spamming Magnitude on Voltorbs and Magnemites. It pays off.

HOLY HELL AN ACTUAL MOVEPOOL

I'm one of three Trainers who actually goes from town to town! Who else would you ask?! May's a chump and Steven's... probably gay/10.

"You forgot Wally."

No. No, I didn't.

THUNDERBOLTS

DOGA WILL CHOKE THIS OCEAN

Because Thunderbolt only has so much PP.

WHY IS THIS HERE?

Let's go find a Water Stone!

"What caused those holes [on the deck] in what looks like a metal floor?"

...Groudon's dick, probably.

Hoverhand 2: Electric Boogaloo

ANOTHER FETCH QUEST!

"Just go to Office Depot!"

...I'm not getting that Scanner anytime soon.

"I'm not sure if that room would have a really high property value, or a really low one."

NOT A WATER STONE

DAMMIT

"Welcome to California."

When you're done fucking on the beach, Team Magma is hiring.

BRO

THREESOME

ARDAN STILL HATES THE MEDIA

"How appropriate that Gatrie is the one with the Naughty nature."

...motherofGod, he's right.

YOU COLLECT RARE STONES

GIMME ONE

"He's a collector. He doesn't share."

But I'm only drafting nine of them!

You should not still be alive!

Ardan refuses to pay child support!

I dunno, but there's one over by the bed. Go hold him hostage or something, make this ~sporting~

KELLAM GOT ROARED IN

IS CREDIT TO TEAM

Bors got Roared in and finished the job.

Highlight of the run, 10/10

Fake Out crits never stop being funny.

ARDAN IS STRONG

ARDAN IS BRAVE

ARDAN WILL MAKE YOU DIG YOUR OWN GRAVE

...yaranaika?

Carvanha got ANNIHILATED

"The Weather Institute has powerful enemies."

I agree. They're very intimidati--

...

fuck.

...yaranaika?

DIDN'T WANT IT

Also Roger is still L8.

"Run free in the wilderness! Ruin ecosystems worldwide!"

...I'm a good trainer.

DOGA WILL CHOKE THIS YOUNG GIRL

...wait. Let me rephrase that.

ARDAN'S ROLLERSKATES MAKE HIM HARD TO CATCH.

Doga will use... SEDUCTION!

"The salsa dance has begun."

...cockblock much?

DOGA WILL CHOKE THIS... boiling hot slug. Maybe Doga should stop choking things.

"Is his Fake Out him choking them? Is that where we're going?"

...I never thought of that, but that's what's goin' on now.

DOGA'S MACHINE GUN: ACTIVATE.

"So, can we get an Astra tome at any point here?"

Close enough.

This just stands on its own two feet. I don't need to say anything.

ARDAN HAS NO FLIERS.

Rollerskates provide sufficient Move.

Also throttle. DOGA'S CHOKING PROVIDES MUCH THROTTLE.

ARDAN MAKES WOMEN'S FACES RED IN OTHER WAYS.

...why can't we just punch this in the dick?

I wouldn't fucking know! I just rollerskated up to you!

...Ardan hates puzzles.

Why is this working at full health! Damn you, inferior Pokemon!

...sure. You do that.

~Quality Gym Leader~

FUCKING EARTHQUAKE.

AND FAKE OUT + ROCK TOMB DOESN'T KILL.

At least +1 Aerial Ace is only a 2HKO. That is my only solace.

Sand Attack is literally the cancer.

THWOMPS ALREADY HAVE ENOUGH TROUBLE HITTING.

CANNON FODDER GO

OH YEAH YOU CAN CANNON FODDER TOO!

"What? It's evolving!"

I wish.

"This is illegal, you know."

Put a cock in it. E4 don't use Revives because they're chumps. It's not my fault they fail to use easily-accessible and powerful items!

IF HE'S KNOWN BY ONE LETTER, YOU KNOW HE'S BADASS

DOESN'T EVEN NEED TO BE CAPITALIZED, SHIT

...shit, if Flare Lv. i was as strong as it was...

What about Tropius i?!

T-Bolt crits! Wrecking shit since forever.

ARDAN COULD NOT DRAFT FLIERS

WINGULL THIEF TOOK IT

And that's it for Chapter 5! NOW IT IS TIME FOR ARDAN'S SON, SETY, TO CONTINUE THE LEGACY.

[Ice Sage]

Duskull

[AMCC4728]

[spoiler=Team SCIENCE! 3rd Gym]

Went back and got these. Didn't care enough to get Whimple.

In my defense, Ninjask isn't much better.

Sorry, not into BDSM or little girls.

Shameless Plug!

There are.... so many things wrong with that.

You have my respect if you get this joke without googling it.

Did this.

SCIENCE!

Esme begs to differ

what did u guys eat 2day

i had salsa w/ chips and it's almost as hot as me LOL

You need to unzip first.

I wanted to see what would happen if I didn't have $50. I got in for free. Suckers.

No, I hate their asses

No, I hate you too.

I understand. You just don't understand the water cycle.

A middle aged man who keeps kids in his back room?

Not into little girls GameFreak.

Oh, bby~<3

Oh, Myyyyy~

Did this.

thx babe

Fuck Yeah.

It is at this point I realize that Magneton literally walls my entire team but don't worry. I have a plan™

It wasn't hard. I literally had to battle 1 trainer.

GG Wattson

X items are broken.

Edited June 23, 2014 by AMCC4728

[Ema Skye]

Here is a hint of things to come.

[ZemZem]

Horsea, sure.

[General Horace]

feebas man

[Breezy Kanzaki]

Illumise.

[Terrador]

Latios.

Hey, he could be useful postgame.

For kicking Steven in the nuts.

If we're not actually allowing that, then I'll take Gorebyss for pretty much no reason.

Edited June 23, 2014 by Terrador

[Terrador]

[spoiler=TEAM THWOMP Chapter 6]

...who the hell is watching me?!

So that's where you went!

10/10 avoidable

>be sure to plant a berry. It's only common courtesy.

A Seviper piled on all that damage. Not bad at all.

TM for not being useless! YES!

ARDAN ROLLERSKATES CHEERILY AMONGST THE DEAD

Ripped off Genwun 0/10 Gen One only gen

ARDAN GOES WHERE ARDAN PLEASES.

Maxie didn't take this... why...?

Oh, boy, ~backtracking~

IT'S HAPPENING

Finally, a gangster with the common decency to rob me!

ARDAN WILL FIND WATER STONE HERE

[spoiler: Ardan did not find Water Stone.]

Gay~!

Why isn't this a Swampert?

CHRIST IN A HANDBASKET THIS SHOULD BE A HARD COUNTER.

...you will tell Ardan where you found the Water Stone.

The one at Route 103? Do you not remember where that chicken is?

...if you didn't have a Tropius here, I would be flipping my shit.

Also, apparently she took down the Fortree City Gym with that team. Yeah. I don't believe it either.

...pretty sure that's a Pidgeot, mate.

...how long has Silph Co. been around?!

Daily reminder that this game's atmosphere is downright sexy for a 32-bit Pokemon title. 32-bit? I think that's what GBA runs on. Correct me if I'm wrong, nerds.

BACKTRACKING GO

Blah.

RUN saves a lot of sorely-needed PP in this dungeon.

GROUCHO MARX

HE WILL BRING COMEDY TO HOENN

Oh, GROUDON. Also, yaranaika.

Still gay!

...shit.

'sup, punk? Didn't I school you on this very mountain a few hours back?

Thankfully not throughout this mountain in a murderous rage! Really surprised you didn't have a contingency for this.

Wow, this guy's actually INTIMIDATING!

DOGA WILL CHOKE ANOTHER PUPPY.

Earthquake crits, man. Ain't no stoppin' 'em.

I've been playing Pokemon since before I was born!

WHY WE HAVE THESE.

...this is actually pretty hilarious.

...no. Nothing but Earthquakes.

...after backtracking all the way here... we're going back to Lilycove, aren't we?

Snake? Snake?

SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!

Little kid in the base? Eh, no big deal. He's barely old enough to train god-killing abominations, what's the worst that could--GLRK!

ohhhhhhh, baby.

No shit?

OH YEAH BETTER BRING SNACKS.

Come at me, bro!

So I have to beat up a Gym Leader instead of getting special permission to Dive.

Or even, y'know, calling in Wallace or Juan to do this.

...dammit.

By going to plaid!

Deadweight!

MY ANUS WASN'T READY

And this is why. What actually happened:

Turn 1: Overheat Claydol. Oswin comes in for Gatrie.

Turn 2: Oswin dies for our fleeting tactical advantage (read: Fake Out => Claydol). Gatrie gets the kill with Overheat.

Turns 3-5: Shuffle around to heal, spam Electric moves at Xatu until it finally dies.

Turn 6: Camerupt BARELY lives a brace of Psychics. Overheat + Thunderbolt KOs Solrock.

Turn 7: Switch DOGA in, T-Bolt Lunatone. Doga gets dropped by a crit (iirc) Psychic.

Turn 8: Nuke.

THIS WAS VERY HARD.

LIKE ARDAN'S MANHOOD.

Next time: LOTS OF BACKTRACKING! Also, the party gets filled.

[AMCC4728]

[spoiler=Team SCIENCE! 4th Gym]

Swept them with Cathode 0/10

Aw, he thinks he's people.

I want my Gen 1 sprite back.

Oh, Myyyy~

Seriously? We're back to pokephilia?

You're right. I haven't showered since I left New Bark Town

All that buildup for a sneeze one liner.... 10/10

B-Baka!

Again with the pokephilia?

Srry, Str8

I ain't no slacker. Especially in bed~

Oh, Myyyy~

SCIENCE!

Close Enough

Thx babe

Oh god, a creationist!

There is no way this guy doesn't deal.

Premature?

It's called prostitution.

Is this some weird reverse pedophilia fetish?

I really don't need to say anything here.

Uuugh, I hate mana ramp.

Can we just appreciate how badass Archie is?

I going to assume you didn't pay attention during biology class.

This is what one spark did... ONE

GG Maxie

BRB buying 50 of these.

You hooked up with the premature guy didn't you?

For the longest time I never knew how to get back here.

ZAGZIGOON! rollouts everyone but Torkoal.

Samurfly and HM slave tank overheats to neuter Torkoal after the white herb. 10/10 Contributors to the team.

... What the hell is with the pokephilia?

GG Flannery

[Terrador]

[spoiler=TEAM THWOMP Chapter 7]

ARDAN DOES NOT FIND THIS EVEN SLIGHTLY SUSPECT.

Phrasing? But, to be fair, I am taking his super rod.

My current theory is that the starter can't be released until after the first gym.

SPACE

Gosh golly, maybe telegraphing our strategy isn't the best idea!

...pretty sure that's not the case, mate.

Yaranaika.

Telegraphing! Except Steven and I are here to wreck your shit.

Because we couldn't make the last Pokemon the guy switches in ~too~ strong! The battle's already won before it begins. Steel is a pretty good type here. If you have anything for their Camerupts, it's game.

Swaggered!EQ. Pretty sexy, no?

Bats. Why did it have to be bats?

After Rock Slide does about as well as a stick thrown at a car...

Also, I'm a terrible person.

Sadly, it ends before I can shred Steven's Aggron.

Also, nearly every Trainer's gendered Pokemon match their own gender. Steven's Pokemon? Both females. Peculiar. I'll touch on this when I fight him postgame. IF my ROM lets me do that.

Naaaaaaaaah. (Yes)

DIVE

WAILORD

HM SLAVE

Usin' that ol' Ice Beam TM on MEG.

BACKTRACKING.

All the way back to Slateport.

Also, I need this to get Regirock!

LUDICOLO GET

...still shit, though.

More foretracking...

Might as well catch everything I drafted.

REGIBOT also new HM slave.

...Donny? Pretty sure that's a dude's name.

Yaranaika?

Made it all the way to Pacifidlog.

...smartass.

As of the end of the chapter, I still haven't used this!

This guy has five Gyarados. That's kinda nuts.

FINALLY

Thankfully, the track from here to the desert is pretty quick.

I have no intention of ever using this!

Come at me, bro.

WOOP WOOP COPOUT

IT TOOK A VERY LONG TIME TO GET TO MY PLOT OBJECTIVE.

Trollyena!

Worthwhile.

Things not to wake up: #2.

Ardan could have told you this would happen!

Ardan did not. Ardan enjoys your misery.

Team Magma is totally innocent. Clearly.

You two fucked up the region! Good job!

You're going to go to Sootopolis and do... just that.

Yaranaika.

Hey, I remember some slut calling me to talk about it!

TAKE ALL CREDIT 10/10

DAMMIT NO WAIT I CAN'T FLY

This... happened.

WE'RE WALKING BACK AROUND HOENN.

Fucker.

...why. Why don't you send the guy who kicks team leader ass to keep chumps in check, and send the guy who knows his shit to actually DO something?

I actually caught a L70 Altaria here in Sapphire once. Good times!

Things to not wake up #3--FUCK IT ARDAN SHALL AWAKE THE BEAST

They do that sometimes.

Got one as a random encounter when looking for that one happened after ~20 attempts.

Of course.

RAYQUAZA CRASHES INTO THE EARTH

BAD END

...moving on.

PROSTRAT

This thing is a Double Team whore.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Thankfully, I still won. Vital Throw: it never misses.

In our next and final update--BOSS RUSH. Nothing but the bosses.

Nothing but bosses. Seven of them.

[eclipse]

I think my team is done? If so. . .I need to see if my cartridge works.

[ZemZem]

I'd say drafting's done. Good job, guys, and good luck!

[AMCC4728]

Short update cause nothing to do between 4th and 5th gym.

[spoiler=Team SCIENCE! 5th Gym]

Team Update

Fat Bat-Very decent. Has access to wing attack and FlinchFusion.

Cathode-This dude wrecks souls with Spark. 10/10 would pick again.

ZAGZIGOON!-Half of my Gym leader strategies would be impossible without him.

Grassassin-Has really fallen off. Gave him the EXP share because I need him for the 7th gym.

Samurfly-Death Fodder

HM Slave-Self Explanatory

You don't count those years of abuse?

Yaranaika?

Shameless Joke Stealing

BRB intentionally dying on Slaking one million times to exp pump my team.

ParaFlinchFusion is the best.

GG Dad

Edited July 2, 2014 by AMCC4728

[ZemZem]

[ZemZem]

And this Reimu became the champion of the Hoenn region. Welp, back to the Hakurei Shrine.

[spoiler=Pokemon Analysis]

Raising Xatu up wasn't particularly fun, but thanks to its good Special Attack and Speed, it hit hard and outsped many things. Nearly swept the entirety of Wallace's team, too, thanks to a few Calm Mind spams. All in all, good pick. If only it came earlier. Had a Timid nature.

Dat HP. Wigglytuff's ability to learn many moves definitely came in handy, but its decent Special Attack meant that it was hard to get 1HKOs. Its low Speed didn't help matters at times, too. But hey, it was fun to see this thing wreck shit. Had a Mild nature.

Such a good Pokemon. And the Sludge Bomb + Swords Dance combo isn't a bad one in this gen by any means. Crawdaunt hits hard, has a good type combination, and overall helped a ton. Definitely the best mon on the job for the E4, too. Had a Mild nature.

Cacturne has excellent Attack and Special Attack, but its movepool is so lame that it couldn't get a chance to show off its potential. Still, good mon. Had a Lonely nature.

SO GOOD. Unfortunately for Donphan, it comes way too late and it won't really get a chance to shine ever. But hey, it's such a badass. Had a Lonely nature.

Mightyena was an excellent addition to the team. It was around since the beginning, and since it evolved early, it swept a bunch of Pokemon during the earlygame and remained strong throughout the game. Its stats aren't as good compared to the others, but hey, it got shit done. It also swept Phoebe's team, too. First time using Mightyena, and I'm satisfied at how well it did. Had a Naive nature.

retired and became an HM slave

chumps

[eclipse]

My gimmick: I'm on console, so no screenshots.

Got the 'dex, got a Timid Treecko (named Liebe), got tired right after getting said 'dex.