Anacybele Posted August 18, 2015 Author Share Posted August 18, 2015 (edited) Don't worry, sometimes I have no idea what to say either. It's a reason you don't see me posting in people's creativity threads or introduction threads much. I'm just no good with what one calls "small talk." >_< I'm going to repeat something I just said in a PM, I feel it should be something everyone can see: I'll get better though, thank you. I started to go higher on the ladder of life before all this, and I'm not going to fall now. If anything, I'll be stronger. I may not have a little brother anymore, but I do still have everything and everyone else around me. Edited August 18, 2015 by Anacybele Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jave Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 Sorry that I didn't post here earlier. I didn't find this thread until now. I'm really sorry to hear this, Ana. I can't tell you I understand how you feel because I've never experienced something like this. I'll just give you and your family my sincere condolences and hope all of you get through this together. You all need each other right now and no one should go through this alone. Don't be afraid to look for professional help if you feel you need it. Hang in there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anacybele Posted August 18, 2015 Author Share Posted August 18, 2015 (edited) Sorry if I sound blunt, but I've said like a few times that getting professional help is on the to-do list... My parents plan to get me counseling. Y'all don't need to keep telling me to do that... If you didn't see where I said it, okay, my mistake. I just kinda don't like repeating myself is all, and of course, I've got a really tough time to get through... But thanks, Jave. We're sticking together, you can count on that. Edited August 18, 2015 by Anacybele Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peppy Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 I give you my condolences. I'm sorry to hear this happened to you and I'm glad to see you plan to get through all this.I hope your road to recovery goes well.(If i offended you in anyway, i apologize) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FionordeQuester Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 (edited) Hey. Real sorry for what happened Anacybele. I cannot offer any kind of explanation for why something like this happened, all I can say is that I'm sorry that something so awful happened. And yes, joining a support group is by far the best thing to do now. Trauma is an awful thing to try and deal with alone, no matter how tough or independent you otherwise are. Speaking of which, I'll try and PM you regularly, if that's what you wish, see how you're doing. You're doing very well by seeking people to talk to about this ... Edited August 18, 2015 by FionordeQuester Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tryhard Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 (edited) And thanks everyone else too. Tryhard, yeah, I guess you're really right about that. I apologize for my remark then. I just...when I clash a lot with someone like I have with SOC or Lord Raven or whoever, I feel like they hate me... I wasn't trying to say you were wrong or anything. I don't mean to speak for them, but I don't think they hate you. Maybe get frustrated when you guys argue or have very differing views on things, but considering that would be all, I wouldn't call that hating. Sorry if I sound blunt, but I've said like a few times that getting professional help is on the to-do list... My parents plan to get me counseling. Y'all don't need to keep telling me to do that... If you didn't see where I said it, okay, my mistake. I just kinda don't like repeating myself is all, and of course, I've got a really tough time to get through... People might be stressing mentioning it so much because it is quite common for people to end up not going to such things, either because the person feels guilty or gets cold feet and backs out. Nevertheless, it's good to see you're committed to already going. Edited August 18, 2015 by Tryhard Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Esau of Isaac Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 Not sure what the opposite of serendipity is, maybe ominous. My cousin was found dead on the same day that you found your brother. Though, she didn't kill herself (probably) but instead overdosed on heroin. I am so sorry for your loss. Not much else I can say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 Oh my gosh. . .I'm so sorry to hear that. . . I'm glad to hear that you're getting professional help, and that (mostly) everyone in this topic is being supportive! Sorry for the late reply, my phone died... But wow, thanks for all the support, guys. It really means a lot. I honestly didn't think I'd get much considering some of my history here. But major thanks, seriously. If I'd been on this weekend, I would've been watching this topic like a hawk. I apologize for being away at such a critical time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anacybele Posted August 18, 2015 Author Share Posted August 18, 2015 Don't worry, eclipse, you had no idea. You've done nothing wrong and don't need to be sorry for anything. :) And thanks. Not sure what the opposite of serendipity is, maybe ominous. My cousin was found dead on the same day that you found your brother. Though, she didn't kill herself (probably) but instead overdosed on heroin. I am so sorry for your loss. Not much else I can say. Oh damn, I'm so sorry. If you want to talk to me, you can. It's always good for people who can relate with one another to talk, it helps the healing process. This is why support groups are a thing and why I want to find one. I wasn't trying to say you were wrong or anything. I don't mean to speak for them, but I don't think they hate you. Maybe get frustrated when you guys argue or have very differing views on things, but considering that would be all, I wouldn't call that hating. Yeah, I might just have been overreacting a bit. I would definitely hope that they don't hate me. SOC and Lord Raven seem like such cool guys at times. The latter has taught me a lot about the NFL too. And SOC seems to enjoy Freddy x Female Avatar (he had some screenshots of them awhile back). :P People might be stressing mentioning it so much because it is quite common for people to end up not going to such things, either because the person feels guilty or gets cold feet and backs out. Nevertheless, it's good to see you're committed to already going. Ah, I see. I hadn't known that, thanks for explaining. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoNameAtAll Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 (edited) You and I have butted heads more than a few times and I've made my fair share of quips. But this? No one should have to go through this shit. My uncle in Colorado showed no outward signs of depression either. And then one fateful day, my parents got a phone call from my aunt that my uncle had committed suicide. To this day, we have no idea why he would do such a thing. On top of that, he did this on his oldest son's birthday. Not long after, my grandfather, who had sought treatment for cancer at my uncle's behest, died too. Essentially, my uncle killing himself also killed my grandfather's will to live. My uncle was my dad's younger brother. Be sure to be there for your parents as well, since a parent outliving their child is one of the greatest tragedies one can know. I can't say I know what you must be going through though. When I learned of my uncle's suicide, I didn't cry at all. But then, it's one thing to hear about it happening and dealing with the long-term effects, but it's another to see the immediate aftermath. My condolences Ana, truly. Edited August 18, 2015 by NoNameAtAll Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anacybele Posted August 18, 2015 Author Share Posted August 18, 2015 Damn, I'm really really sorry to hear about all that, NoNameAtAll. :( No one should have to go through what your folks did either. My mom has a birthday in a couple of days, and my step-grandma has one in three days. It just sucks how these kinds of things can be timed so poorly in addition to just being downright awful. I think though, there was a reason I was the one to find my brother. God had me do it because...maybe he thought I'd handle it the best. I can't imagine how my parents or anyone else would be if they had found him instead. It's still so hard though... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inactive Account404 Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 Wow...I am so sorry you had to go through that...I can't even imagine what that would be like. I'll be praying for you and your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Esau of Isaac Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 Oh damn, I'm so sorry. If you want to talk to me, you can. It's always good for people who can relate with one another to talk, it helps the healing process. This is why support groups are a thing and why I want to find one. Thanks, and I agree. I can't say that I was nearly as traumatized, because I had the good fortune of being told by others, but the events all culminated on that day. The day prior my mother had an intervention from her alcoholism, she was a drunken mess and cried the whole day, and I had to steal her keys and wallet to stop her from going and buying more booze while listening to her threaten to kill herself. The next day, after the news of my cousin came in, I headed down to the CVS for some sleeping meds, I felt I'd need them. When I got there, a beggar was asking me for a dollar. I told him I didn't have one and apologized, and then I recognized that he was an old friend from childhood. He got into meth and alcohol young, and after several efforts to clean him up his father and then my friend kicked him out on the streets when he stole stuff from their homes to fuel his addiction. He's younger than me by a few years but looked like he was in his thirties. It may be presumptuous of me, as I'm not a religious man, but if I were I'd feel like all of this is a message to me. More than ever before I am finding myself becoming cautious of letting myself become consumed and obsessed. And maybe it's presumptuous to assume it is the same for you, as I know nothing about you, but perhaps your brother can serve as a caution for loved ones in the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.M. Gei Posted August 18, 2015 Share Posted August 18, 2015 we've butted heads several times in the past, but my deepest condolences for what you're going through; hang in there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anacybele Posted August 18, 2015 Author Share Posted August 18, 2015 Thanks, and I agree. I can't say that I was nearly as traumatized, because I had the good fortune of being told by others, but the events all culminated on that day. The day prior my mother had an intervention from her alcoholism, she was a drunken mess and cried the whole day, and I had to steal her keys and wallet to stop her from going and buying more booze while listening to her threaten to kill herself. The next day, after the news of my cousin came in, I headed down to the CVS for some sleeping meds, I felt I'd need them. When I got there, a beggar was asking me for a dollar. I told him I didn't have one and apologized, and then I recognized that he was an old friend from childhood. He got into meth and alcohol young, and after several efforts to clean him up his father and then my friend kicked him out on the streets when he stole stuff from their homes to fuel his addiction. He's younger than me by a few years but looked like he was in his thirties. It may be presumptuous of me, as I'm not a religious man, but if I were I'd feel like all of this is a message to me. More than ever before I am finding myself becoming cautious of letting myself become consumed and obsessed. And maybe it's presumptuous to assume it is the same for you, as I know nothing about you, but perhaps your brother can serve as a caution for loved ones in the future. Man, I see... That's still awful. :( I mean, I have the fortune of having a mom that isn't so messed up like yours. She doesn't really drink like that, though she did feel like she needed to drink a lot. But I kept telling her not to and she knew she shouldn't, so she didn't. That also sucks about your old friend... I'm not highly religious either, but I do believe that at least one god exists. I just say God because it's what I'm used to calling this god. But yes, this should serve as a caution for loved ones in the future. we've butted heads several times in the past, but my deepest condolences for what you're going through; hang in there. I will, thanks. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anacybele Posted August 21, 2015 Author Share Posted August 21, 2015 Sorry for the double post, but I found out that this actually might have been an accident... Turns out that my brother was Skyping with his girlfriend and the last thing he said to her was "I'll be right back." He never came back, obviously. Just...my god... What the hell was he doing getting a loaded gun if he wasn't intending to...? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yari Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 (edited) Sorry for the double post, but I found out that this actually might have been an accident... Turns out that my brother was Skyping with his girlfriend and the last thing he said to her was "I'll be right back." He never came back, obviously. Just...my god... What the hell was he doing getting a loaded gun if he wasn't intending to...? I'm so sorry Ana. Not knowing what happened can be even worst than knowing. I hope you, your family and everyone that suffered with your brother's loss can find closer for this. My deepest condolences.I honestly don't like coming to this thread a lot because I have a younger brother and thinking about him dying is very painfull. I can't imagine how you feel right now but just try to get better. Edited August 21, 2015 by Yari Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hardin Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 That's very tragic, you have my deepest sympathies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sirmola Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 (edited) My condolences. As for uncertainty about whether a death was suicide or an accident, i have some experience with this (although it was a lot more distant in my case), and it feels bad even if the death itself was when you are too young to remember and you find out a decade latter. I cant imagine how it might feel here. While in my experience, the idea that time heals all wounds is often either untrue or dangerous, it usually helps with trauma, especially if you get help. I have a habit of ending most of my correspondence with "let me know know if you need any help." I usually mean it. Now i mean it even more. Edited August 22, 2015 by sirmola Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anacybele Posted August 23, 2015 Author Share Posted August 23, 2015 I don't like coming to this thread either... So we'll end it here. Thanks for everything, everyone. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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