In which blah the Prussian blind reacts to FE Fates: Conquest

[Kuroi Tsubasa Tenshi]

Don't you know? Kagero is a poor, victimized Hoshidan. Therefore, Nohr and and Hoshido must band together to give Kotaro shit for being pragmatic!

Seriously, I like how they linger so much on that point when Kotaro's dishonourable murder of Saizo and Kaze's father was mentioned and had clear parallels to Garon and Sumeragi, yet was then promptly forgotten by everyone except Saizo. Corrin could have had an actual personal stake in this, but nope, Kagero's inexplicably more important.

[Thane]

-So, uh, how's Corrin going to explain this one to Garon/demon? "So, sorry, dad, but you know our allied clan? You know, the one that was of key strategic importance? Yeah, they're all dead. Horrible, I tell you. It was a mass cave in." You know what? That actually sounds plausible, because whoever thought making the Royal Palace a cave is clearly an idiot. Don't do that shit, kids.

Garon doesn't care about Suzukaze running around even though Leo supposedly killed him, so I think you can safely assume that Garon will only show up when "pressure" needs to be added to the story, and to show how totally against the war the siblings are, you guys.

[Lanko]

Hahaha, man that chapter 17 snark was so funny!

[Namarid]

The hostage situation really made me scratch my head. I don't understand why what kotaru did was bad. War prisoners are an obvious consequence of war, why are we so against it.

I think this plot point could of been better if kagero was tortured during their time at mokushu. Then we would have more reason to fight with kotaro as torture wouldn't fly with the nohrian siblings. But I doubt torture would make it in a Nintendo game. Perhaps multiple hoshidan soliders being kidnapped and then one by one were killed, kagero being a lucky survivor.

[Water Mage]

You're reaching to the chapters I like to call the unholy trinity. Chapters 19, 20 and 21.

It's nothing storywise, but the gameplay of these chapters can be hell for the unprepared.

I would love to see your reactions to them.

[eclipse]

Chapter 19 will be so worth the wait.

If you're careful, you can trap Saizo in the northern treasure room. He will no longer steal kills, and once the northern reinforcements are killed, he's in no danger of dying. BTW, you get something if you keep him alive.

[blah the Prussian]

Eh. I already saved the game, so what is that thing?

[Aggro Incarnate]

Eh. I already saved the game, so what is that thing?

A Speedwing

[blah the Prussian]

Oh no, whatever shall I do?

[eclipse]

Oh no, whatever shall I do?

Use people that ram the Speed cap, like Kaze. . .you DID deploy him in Chapter 17, right?

[joshcja]

-Am I the only one that finds it weird that in the two chapters since the invasion of Hoshido began, no actual Hoshidan soldiers were fought? First there were bandits, now there's just some asshole Daimyo. The Hoshidans didn't even oppose the Nohrian invasion! You'd think the invasion would be met with a fleet, but nope! Hell, you'd think the Noshidans would meet the Nohrian army on the beaches, but nope! I just described two chapter ideas that are better than "Defend the gold from generic bandits in a chapter that should probably be the prologue" and "fight an ally because Corrin got squeamish". I understand that the Devs are trying to have more variety, and have you not fight just Hoshido, but you'd think there would be a better place to put all the non Hoshido chapters than DURING THE INVASION OF HOSHIDO.

Hoshido may or may not be incredibly bad at war.

[blah the Prussian]

No, no Kaze. Niles all the way, baby! Anyway, Chapter 18!

-Once again, we fight Nohr here, not Hoshido. What gives? Are the Hoshidans practicing Fabian Tactics (avoiding a direct fight with your enemy to wear them out)? I mean, it would be awesome if they were, but both Ryoma and Takumi Trump are far too stupid to ever use something as dishonorabru as Fabian Tactics.

-Using the Archduke title for Izana is completely innapropriate. Even during the Meiji Era (when the Japanese changed their noble titles to match those of Europe) the Japanese did not have any Archdukes. It also makes me think of Franz Ferdinand, and then it reminds me what a better story WWI had than this game, and then that makes me wish that Wilhelm II was a playable character in this game, because Wilhelm II was awesome. Come on, Nintendo! I want my Wilhelm II DLC!

-So what part of Evil Dishonorable Nohrian Guy's plan mandated that the Nohrian Royal Family be at the banquet? It really makes no sense. Presumably he would have heard that Corrin is a bleeding heart, and even if he didn't from his perspective if he has the Nohrian royals there they might take his credit. What on earth does he possibly have to gain from this?

-Okay, Sakura getting captured I can understand. Why, however, are Ryoma, Hinoka, and Takumi Trump getting captured like little bitches? Wouldn't it be better if Corrin worked together with the other Hoshidan royals to rescue Sakura? For that matter, what if Evil Dishonorable Nohrian Guy didn't enter into the picture at all, and the chapter was against a coup against Izana, which the Hoshidan and Nohrian royals would have to work together to stop? Wouldn't that be better?

-How the fuck did Evil Dishonorable Nohrian Guy take Izana's place? It's implied that Garon doesn't know about this whole plan, because keeping it a secret from him is presented as easy by Leo, so is the game really telling me he learned Izana's mannerisms enough to be indistinguishable from him, EVEN FROM THE SERVANTS, infiltrated the palace with a bunch of Nohrian soldiers, took Izana captive without anyone finding out, and all without Garon's knowledge? What possible motivation could he have to keep this secret from Garon? See what I mean when I say that there are an infinite amount of chapter ideas better than this one?

-You're probably saying "Mr. the Prussian, why haven't you commented on Corrin looking a gift horse in the mouth yet again?" Well, dear reader, I am numb to that at this point. I have just come to accept that this war is the story of a bunch of morons fighting another bunch of morons, but at least one bunch of morons doesn't have Takumi Trump, which is why they win.

-Evil Dishonorable Nohrian Guy is now officially a Bond Villain. Even when he knows full well Corrin and co. are coming to rescue the Hoshidans, he still decides to wait 20 turns to execute them, for... some completely inexplicable reason. Gameplay and Story segregation at its finest.

-"Hey, Shin, I have a great idea for this chapter! How about, after the Hoshidans are rescued, they develop mutual respect with the Nohrians? It would be a great moment of character development!" "Speak only when spoken to, maggot!" Seriously, there was such a good opportunity for character development here, and said opportunity was completely wasted by having the Hoshidans still be insanely antagonistic to the point of absurdity at the end.

-Corrin and Ryoma never did actually get the chance to talk alone. Yet another chance for character development wasted!

-Also, I just realized what would make my life complete: a Fates/Sonic crossover, where Takumi Trump and Shadow the Hedgehog go around being edgy and cutting themselves. It would be perfect.

-I have a headcanon now that somewhere in Hoshido there is this celebrity gossip magazine that's always running these frivolous articles theorizing about why Ryoma isn't King yet. "10 reasons Ryoma isn't King: you won't believe number 4!"

-Support Conversation point: Niles mocks Camilla because Camilla did not experience hardship. Did Niles miss the fact that Camilla is a veteran soldier who has probably been in a shitton of battles?

-Since I forgot to mention it: was Garon good before the demon possessed him? Did Xander just wake up one day and Garon was all "Xander I demand that you kick this puppy!"? You'd think more people would notice!

Well, there you have it! I am getting nearer and nearer to the conclusion of the story, and I doubt it gets any better. The gameplay is still excellent, though!

Edited April 15, 2016 by blah the Prussian

[Tolvir]

No, no Kaze. Niles all the way, baby! Anyway, Chapter 18!

I cut out most of this so that it didnt take up half the page again.

I fully agree with the really bad missed opportunity of character development between the two Royal Families. Takumi makes sense for reasons you will find out pretty soon, but Ryoma and Hinoka made no sense. You would think Hinoka, the one who dedicated her entire life to trying to save her little brother, would be one of the first to at least try and talk with Corrin. And lets be completely honest here, this shows a lack of competence for Ryoma in regards to being a leader, because this was a perfect opportunity to try and negotiate with Nohr. You have almost the entirety of the Royal Family there, with the Crown Prince included. It would of been a perfect chance to try and negotiate any kind of peace between the two before the fight really starts.

My other huge problem was that this was a perfect opportunity for Corrin to try and tell Ryoma what the hell is going on in Nohr. I am pretty sure Ryoma would be willing to listen to what Corrin has to say since he tries to talk to him before being captured. Would of been interesting to see what would of come of the story if they were knowledgeable of what is truly going on. Then again, the Nohrian siblings dont even know yet, which is even worst.

And I like the idea of Sakura being the one that was captured, and that forcing the two to work together. Would of offered a lot more character development, and would of been a larger pointer to Revelation than anything else they have thrown in beforehand.

EDIT: In regards to Niles. I get the feeling Niles is the type of person that ends up picking on someone he really shouldnt, and getting himself either killed, or getting his ass kicked. There are a few characters I can see not tolerating his personality and responding in not so kind ways. Him saying that of Camilla was really stupid to begin with, and shows a side of Niles that is very quick to judge. I actually think it was a good job of giving a character more dimensions to their personality.

EDIT2: I will say that I didnt think the end was that bad, the endgame that is. It showed potential for good writing, which made me wish they wrote like that the entire way through. But that is just my opinion on it, maybe everyone else hates that part too, I dont know.

Edited April 11, 2016 by Tolvir

[joshcja]

Seriously this would be a VERY short game if you just invaded.

Hoshido is actually worse than Poland at war.

Example: Repeatedly use ninja's as frontline troops. Sending axe wielding cosplayers and actual flying calvery, to assassinate a man inside of a building, by charging face first into the only nhorian troops in the building.

Edited April 11, 2016 by joshcja

[Tolvir]

Seriously this would be a VERY short game if you just invaded.

Hoshido is actually worse than Poland at war.

Example: Repeatedly use ninja's as frontline troops. Sending axe wielding cosplayers and actual flying calvery, to assassinate a man inside of a building, by charging face first into the only nhorian troops in the building.

Well they put their lead military strategist in their first fortress that would likely be the first to go, and their youngest princess. What kind of stupid decision was that?

[joshcja]

Well they put their lead military strategist in their first fortress that would likely be the first to go, and their youngest princess. What kind of stupid decision was that?

To be fair it was still a better life choice than allowing Takumi to lead an army, ever.

#ch23

[blah the Prussian]

Seriously this would be a VERY short game if you just invaded.

Hoshido is actually worse than Poland at war.

Example: Repeatedly use ninja's as frontline troops. Sending axe wielding cosplayers and actual flying calvery, to assassinate a man inside of a building, by charging face first into the only nhorian troops in the building.

Hey, don't insult glorious Polska! At least they had to deal with Nazi Germany and the USSR at once, and their frontier with both was a massive open plain, which allowed the Germans to exploit their armor advantage to the fullest! Hoshido has a giant fucking chasm with only a few bridges to defend, so any Nohrian invasion would have to be over the sea! What's their excuse!

[joshcja]

Hey, don't insult glorious Polska! At least they had to deal with Nazi Germany and the USSR at once, and their frontier with both was a massive open plain, which allowed the Germans to exploit their armor advantage to the fullest! Hoshido has a giant fucking chasm with only a few bridges to defend, so any Nohrian invasion would have to be over the sea! What's their excuse!

Fair, at least Poland actually had cavalry.

Wait till you witness the full glory of hoshidian strategy, everything up to ch 23 is just an overture to the true climax of stupidity that is literal Trumpkumi.

Edited April 11, 2016 by joshcja

[Tolvir]

To be fair it was still a better life choice than allowing Takumi to lead an army, ever.

#ch23

Yeah that is probably the dumbest decision they made. Lets make the moody, hormone raging, Teenage prince who has never shown strategic capacity our military leader. Nothing will go wrong with that right?

Edited April 11, 2016 by Tolvir

[blah the Prussian]

Yeah that is probably the dumbest decision they made. Lets make the moody, hormone raging, Teenage prince who has never shown strategic capacity our military leader. Nothing will go wrong with that right?

Well, that's what nepotism gets you. Garon may be secretly an evil slime skull monster, but he believes in a meritocratic military chain r command, dammit! HIS children have to earn their stripes!

[JSND Alter Dragon Boner]

Your snark at chapter 18 made me realize something

Is there like

ANY reason

We need to conquer Hoshido

Like at all?

I mean yeah we did boom and killed their queen or some shit.

Maybe we also killed some of them at.... uh chapter 6

But the core of the issue? its all #BlameGaron

and again we don't even need a reason to expose Garon to begin with because he's a fucking dick

Why can't we have a plot where all we do is try to beat Garon

Because Chapter 15 is utterly fucking pointless

And the Hoshidan had a good reason to help the rebel Nohrian or some shit, even if the Hoshidan is just as irrelevant and should be gone from the story

Like seriously the more i think about it, the more i consider the Hoshido is the biggest pointless part of Conquest and Chapter 15 serves as nothing more than "WE TOTALLY NEED TO HAVE NOHR VS HOSHIDO FOR SOME FUCKING REASON EVEN IF GARON IS THE REAL VILLAIN"

I mean the game is reform the empire from within, not reform the empire by beating Japanese Nepotism asshole

Like why?

Edited April 11, 2016 by JSND

[Tolvir]

Your snark at chapter 18 made me realize something

Is there like

ANY reason

We need to conquer Hoshido

Like at all?

The only way they could explain it to make sense is that Garon is conquering Hoshido because Nohr lacks the land for farming and Hoshido clearly has it. Besides that, no, there really is no reason. I really was hoping that the game would be about redeeming the kingdom from within, and I had high hopes for that up until Chapter 15. The constant hinting at the idea that the siblings are doing things behind Garon's back made me wish sooner or later we were going to see the Nohrian army split in two, and see Nohr go into a full Civil War with Xander leading the rebelling side. Would of been much more interesting than what we got.

Well, that's what nepotism gets you. Garon may be secretly an evil slime skull monster, but he believes in a meritocratic military chain r command, dammit! HIS children have to earn their stripes!

Hoshido definitely has problems with Nepotism. Ryoma really doesnt seem to be ready to be a leader either with his constant running off and putting himself in danger even after his mother is dead. Hinoka is just kind of there. Unfortunately for her she was an afterthought for the game, which is why she lacks any kind of real presence in it outside the beginning.

Really was disappointed with that because I found her to be the most interesting of the Hoshidan siblings, and to see the writer himself say that Hinoka was an afterthought that they came up with halfway through production was annoying. It really makes me think that Fates was really rushed along, and that is where the source of its story telling problems come from. I think if they gave Fates an extra year to a year and a half to hammer out all the problems with the game, story and gameplay included, we could of had the best Fire Emblem game to date.

Edited April 11, 2016 by Tolvir

[Water Mage]

Your snark at chapter 18 made me realize something

Is there like

ANY reason

We need to conquer Hoshido

Like at all?

I mean yeah we did boom and killed their queen or some shit.

Maybe we also killed some of them at.... uh chapter 6

But the core of the issue? its all #BlameGaron

and again we don't even need a reason to expose Garon to begin with because he's a fucking dick

Why can't we have a plot where all we do is try to beat Garon

Because Chapter 15 is utterly fucking pointless

And the Hoshidan had a good reason to help the rebel Nohrian or some shit, even if the Hoshidan is just as irrelevant and should be gone from the story

Like seriously the more i think about it, the more i consider the Hoshido is the biggest pointless part of Conquest and Chapter 15 serves as nothing more than "WE TOTALLY NEED TO HAVE NOHR VS HOSHIDO FOR SOME FUCKING REASON EVEN IF GARON IS THE REAL VILLAIN"

I mean the game is reform the empire from within, not reform the empire by beating Japanese Nepotism asshole

Like why?

Ironically, as I said before, Nohr's motivation for invading are explained in Birthright, in Chapter 22 to be more specific.

It's actually an interesing reason, that could haven been used more.

[JSND Alter Dragon Boner]

Honestly out of the Royals Leo is probably the one i'd say having Leader material in his resume

Xander would be too i guess, but he's kinda eh since we know so little about Xander

[Emperor Petitt]

Hey, don't insult glorious Polska! At least they had to deal with Nazi Germany and the USSR at once, and their frontier with both was a massive open plain, which allowed the Germans to exploit their armor advantage to the fullest! Hoshido has a giant fucking chasm with only a few bridges to defend, so any Nohrian invasion would have to be over the sea! What's their excuse!

Their Generals must be French, that was the answer I got from someone who lives in the commonwealth