[RCYOA] You are to become a man

[Jotari]

28 minutes ago, Shrow said:

 

A) Find a way the fix the skipping

 

You try to finish off Putin, but the skipping is resetting your location every time you rush forward. The best solution would be to leave the movie entirely. "Merlinus, Nugget, we're getting out of here." You're not sure how to accomplish that, but it seems Nugget does. She floats into the air and you grab her feet, Merlinus then grabs your feet as all of you raise into the air. You find yourself in the movie theater again. But things are hardly better. Standing before you is a battalion of Russian soldier along with a full staff of angry movie workers wielding traditional movie weapons. You prepare to defend yourself when there's an explosion behind you as Putin emerges from the movie. The whole cinema explodes with his sudden emergence. You scramble to your feet in the ruins. Putin is gravely injured, but more of his minions than you can count stand between the two of you. Just when all hope seems lost there is a loud bang as a cannon ball crashes through Putin's minion. You turn around. It's the Japanese armada! They've finally reached Hawaii to aid you!

"My great enemy, the Japanese!" Putin growls.

"Torimodosu Kuril Islands!" the Japanese shout.

Putin is aware of how injured he is, so he commands his minions to fight to the death while he once again tries to flee (still in dragon form).  Despite Putin's fear, you're not so sure the Japanese can win this battle unaided. You...

A) Help the Japanese fight Putin's minions.

B) Ignore the Japanese and chase after Putin

C) Send Nugget after Putin

D) Pursue Putin, but leave Nugget behind to help the Japanese

[AnonymousSpeed]

5 hours ago, Jotari said:

D) Pursue Putin, but leave Nugget behind to help the Japanese

To hell with the Japanese, you think to yourself. You just want Putin dead for eating your Hawaiian pizza. Unfortunately being raised in the mountains by murderous bandits has not been able to deprive you of all your morals, so you feel obligated to forgo Nugget's pseudo-divine powers and leave her with your allies. Instead of throwing them to the birds, you throw the bird to them, and then run after Putin as fast as you can. "Merlinus, you're with me! Let's get that Ruski!"

You jump on the back of the divine dragon Merlinus and fly after Putin, but the merchant's tiny wings are not able to generate enough speed to close the gap. With about thirty meters still between you both, you need to come up with a strategy to get around this distance.

A) Have Merlinus try to use a breath attack

B) Perform an epic MLG devil axe throw

C) Call in a tactical airstrike (from which country doesn't really matter, it could be Russia for all you care)

D) Convert thirty meters to thirty feet

[Sooks]

4 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

C) Call in a tactical airstrike (from which country doesn't really matter, it could be Russia for all you care)

You pull out the smartphone you used to look at Twitter earlier, and open your contacts to call the one labeled “Mom”. She answers almost immediately with a “hello?”

”Mom! I need you to call in a tactical airstrike from headquarters to Hawaii, when there they’ll see a big green dragon flying around somewhere and it needs to be brought down! For Hawaiian pizza!!!!!!!” You respond with, and then hang up before she can argue. But of course, you need to keep him above Hawaii before someone arrives from Joj territory, and he is quite fast. What would make Putin want to stay...

A) Scream “What’s that Merlinus?? Our plan will only work if he flies away from Hawaii or lands and turns into human form?? Yeah, I know, isn’t it genius!?”

B) Tell Putin that Joj has his family held captive and if he ever wants to see them again he better start flying laps around Hawaii.

C) Loudly stage a phone call in which you sign a contract signing on to the sequel for Putin’s judo DVD with yourself playing Putin and remark that filming begins in the skies above Hawaii this very second.

Edited January 31, 2021 by Sooks

[Shrow]

18 hours ago, Sooks said:

C) Loudly stage a phone call in which you sign a contract signing on to the sequel for Putin’s judo DVD with yourself playing Putin and remark that filming begins in the skies above Hawaii this very second.

You yell loudly into a phone "What's that Director? 'Learning Judo with Putin' is getting a sequel and you want me to be the star?!?!"

Putin slows down a little turning his head, "WHAT!? That's a ridiculous lie, the director would never replace me."

You ignore him and continue the ruse "But what about Putin? Ohhhhh he's a dragon now right, haha can't do Judo as a dragoooon!!!"

He scowls "Shut up, I can't transform back anytime! That's none sense! You LIAR!"

You exclaim loudly "Whaaaaaat! You wanna film it RIGHT here in the skies of Hawaii? RIGHT NOW?!?!?!?!"

You hear the loud roar of the large Russian dragon
"ARRRRRHHHHHGGG YOU WANNA BE IN THE NEW MOVIE SO BAD?, I'LL MAKE YOU INTO A TARGET DUMMY THEN!"
Putin turns around and starts rushing at you blindly at full speed.

Merlinus starts panicking but you tell the cowardly dragon be steady.
"Hold it Merlinus" You have a plan, you move to the back of Merlinus almost at the tip of the tail. "On my word, I want you to launch me into the air using your tail, then dive down to avoid Putin." Merlinus still shaking, under his breath he says "O-Okay!"

Putin coming in close. Your smile widens, you show Putin your toothy grin.
Putin roars, he's close enough. You yell, "NOW!" Merlinus launches you through air towards Putin then he dives straight down.

Putin sees Merlinus going down and moves his head down to intercept him. His back and wings opened up in full view as you soar through the air and land right on Putin's back digging the Devil's Axe in to control your landing.

With your hand held on a spike and a hand on the axe, you've successfully mounted Putin 'Shadow Of The Colossus style'.

Putin now realizing you aren't riding on Merlinus, he stops chasing and starts looking around frantically. He screams "WHERE DID YOU GO YOU DAMNED PIRATE?!?!?!"
When the cursed axe dug into Putin's back, it reflected the damage to you so Putin didn't feel anything.
He has no idea where you are, an advantage gained through pain but it will be worth it.

Now on Putin's back you start to think about the next course of action.

A) Stay on his back and wait for the airstrike.

B) Go to head and try to finish Putin off

C) Cripple him via the wings

D) Go to Putin's lower back to achieve... something

E) Alert Putin of your presence and try to get him to flip over so you can mount his belly.

 

 

[Jotari]

20 hours ago, Shrow said:

A) Stay on his back and wait for the airstrike.

 

You stay on Putin's back and wait for the airstrike. "PESKY WORM," Putin roars. "YOU'RE ON MY BACK. BUT BEHOLD. I KNOW THE SECRET TECHNIQUE OF THE BARREL ROLE!" Putin spins in place in an attempt to throw you off.

You grip on for dear life put Putin doesn't slow. Above and below you Hawaii and the sky spin and spin as your grip slackens and slackens. "Merlinus!" you cry. "Help me!" you lose your grip entirely and begin falling. Merlinus dive bombs to save you. But Putin is getting away! A desperate thought comes to your mind as you fall. You look at your precious Devil's Axe...the Divine Pineapple. Capable of being any weapon you choose. You toss it at Merlinus. "Putin..." you whisper.  Merlinus catches the Devil's Axe, though it is a Devil's Axe no longer, it has morphed into a Breath weapon. "Your fired!" Merlinus let's loose a streak of divine flames at Putin burning him up. At that very second the air strike hits and all three of you along with the entire Hawaiian archipelago, the Japanese, the Russian soldiers and the movie workers, are engulfed in flames.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

The smoke clears. You're injured, but you're still alive, thanks to the immense healing power of the Wendy's Burger. You fear it's reached its limits now however. You stand at the top of a cliff, much like the one from the after credits scene from the Judo video. And just like the Judo video, Putin stands at the edge of the cliff, in human form. Merlinus is nowhere to be seen.

"Thee whole world, she views Russia as the villain," Putin monologues. "She views Putin as the villain." He turns. "We gave up kommunizm, embraced democracy, yet we are still treated like Soviets. I ask you, what is Russia to do? What is Putin to do?" He falls to his knees. "I only sought to protect my people. For that, I needed the power of thee Pineapple Pizza. It was all for Mother Russia. Let them know. Let them know Putin did all he could for the nation he loves. Could any man have done more?" With that, Putin bows his head, and finally dies.

You wipe a tear from your eye. In spite of everything you're touched by his words. But what's this? With clear eyes you see something lying on the ground a box. It can't be? With Putin dead, the Pineapple Pizza has returned. Now there and ready for your consumption.

You take a step forward, but a bolt of lightning pierces your body.Into your view steps a foot. You look up.

"Reptor! You dastard!"

"I must thank you," Reptor says as he polishes his monocle. "You've spared me the trouble of betraying Putin. I always planned to take the Pineapple Pizza for myself."

"But, but I killed you!"

"It did look that way. But at the last second I activated my big shield. Though you impaled me, it dealt no damage! And now that the Pineapple Pizza is mine, no one shall be able to stand up to the might of House Friege!"

Reptor makes his way towards the pizza box at the edge of the cliff. Biting back the pain, you struggle to your feet and...

A) Summon the inner strength you learned from watching Putin's DVD and use the Judo techniques you learned.

B) Call your money cloud to assist you.

C) Try to use twitter again.

[AnonymousSpeed]

4 hours ago, Jotari said:

C) Try to use twitter again.

Hey, wait a minute. Isn't Reptor kind of a prick? It's a big deal to be a prick these days. You're pretty sure he's committed domestic abuse so you start scrounging around for evidence.

You start uploading cutscenes with Genealogy of the Holy War and post a twitlonger link explaining how you can't stay silent any longer and how you can't believe Reptor would do this and how disgusted you are by such behavior and how you have disavowed him and removed him from your life and how we as a society need to be more open and do better. Somewhere near the end you pay lip service to the idea that you feel bad for Tailtyu. You're pretty sure that's how this works? You don't really use twitter.

Just to make sure he really gets cancelled, you open his portrait in Microsoft Paint and change some colors. You upload your handiwork with the caption "I can't believe Reptor would wear blackface I'm literally shaking rn." Now you wait for the internet to do your work for you, and destroy Reptor. Hopefully. What actually happens is-

A) As a member of the elite, Reptor apologizes and gets away with it

B) The fact that you clearly photoshopped the picture of Reptor in blackface causes Twitter to instead turn against you and completely ignore everything Reptor did

C) You start retweeting spicy "Reptor Commits Domestic Abuse" memes

D) Jack Dorsey appears and tries to take the pineapple pizza for himself

E) Reptor is cancelled, defeating him once and for all

Edited February 2, 2021 by AnonymousSpeed

[Sooks]

4 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

E) Reptor is cancelled, defeating him once and for all

However, things we want to happen don’t and what we hope happens is irrelevant, so what actually happens is...

4 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

D) Jack Dorsey appears and tries to take the pineapple pizza for himself

A great white bird soars down from the air with Jack Dorsey himself on it, and he grabs the pizza and soars away before either of you could do anything. Then they glitch through the matrix and disappear in a flash of green pixels. You and Reptor are left standing there, shocked. How do you proceed?

A) Call Merlinis

B) Call Nugget

C) Call Dad

D) Look around for a Deus Ex Machina

E) Team up with Reptor to infiltrate the matrix, hoping his diabolical scheme will work.

9 hours ago, Jotari said:

You take a step forward, but a bolt of lightning pierces your body.Into your view steps a foot. You look up.

"Reptor! You dastard!"

Who?

[Shrow]

16 hours ago, Sooks said:

A) Call Merlinis

You have a brief stare down with Reptor, his mouth in agape.

The shock wears off, you get up slowly, fighting back a bit of the pain.

Reptor says still in shock "Wha... What was that, who was that? What is that?" He can't really comprehend the matrix.

You turn around and walk opposite to Reptor, you let out a lazy reply "I donnu." you don't really care about Reptor's worries at the moment.

You should make sure Merlinus is alright, he may be a cowardly dragon\merchant\pirate but Merlinus is still a friend and you wouldn't have made it this far without him.
You walk around the rubble of Hawaii and call out to Merlinus, that airstrike really did a number on this place. Maybe that wasn't the best idea...

Thank Goddess Nugget! You see Merlinus awaken under some destroyed terrain, he looks a bit scuffed but alive and well. Under Merlinus's wing appears to be the little chicken nugget, Merlinus protected it from fiery death around him. Perfect, the gangs all here!

Now how are we going to deal with the dimension hopping, matrix man?
hmmmm...

A) Go home

B) Attempt to enter the matrix right now

C) Enjoy Hawaii, or what's left of it

D) Try to find something useful in the rubble

E) Take your frustrations out on Reptor and gang beat him up for fun until you can think of something better to do.

[Jotari]

On 2/4/2021 at 1:11 AM, Shrow said:

B) Attempt to enter the matrix right now

 

You attempt to enter the matrix, but a voice calls out to you. "Stop" they say.

You turn around to see your father, Joj. "Father!? What are you doing here?"

"I have been observing you this entire time, my son. And I am happy to say, you've done well. You have finally become a man. Your journey is over."

"But what about the pizza and the matrix and"

"It is okay, my son. None of that matters. The only thing that matters is that you have become a man. Though, there is one more thing you should know."

"What is that father?"

"While I am your father, I must confess, I am not actually a man."

"What!?"

"You never knew my true identity. For I am..."

 

[Shrow]

I like to think that the Tangelo War Monk from this previous story here might have stayed in the fantasy fire emblem world and made a family for himself.
An ancestor of The Son of Joj possibly.

Anyways this was my first time doing this and it was a lot of fun. I'm glad we could come to an ending of sorts.

I'd be down to do another RCYOA

[Jotari]

47 minutes ago, Shrow said:

I like to think that the Tangelo War Monk from this previous story here might have stayed in the fantasy fire emblem world and made a family for himself.
An ancestor of The Son of Joj possibly.

Anyways this was my first time doing this and it was a lot of fun. I'm glad we could come to an ending of sorts.

I'd be down to do another RCYOA

That story did actually end in the real world however.

[AnonymousSpeed]

On 3/15/2021 at 11:13 AM, Shrow said:

I'd be down to do another RCYOA

C'mon then dude.

Start one.

Probably going to cut the "three posters between" thing down to two though.

On 3/15/2021 at 12:00 PM, Jotari said:

That story did actually end in the real world however.

Then it is the canonical Joj Jr. origin story.

[Shrow]

12 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

C'mon then dude.

Start one.

Probably going to cut the "three posters between" thing down to two though.

You want me to take the lead, oh that's a bold step.
I'm not too worried about coming up with a concept to work with. It's mostly that I'm not active on the forum everyday so I fear I might end up neglecting a good story.

It shall be done today or tomorrow.