Caliban of Sycorax Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 (edited) This is kind of vague so I'm going to explain this topic with a personal anecdote. Most of my family is now on facebook. All of my first cousins on my mother's side, most of my father's cousins, and now my aunts and uncles are on facebook. I even have relatives in my grandparents' generation on facebook, but for somewhat personal reasons I am not friends with them. Anyway, I've got a lot of family on facebook and it's great and all to be able to talk to them while I'm away at school. but I have also come to a realization from seeing my family's posts. My family is extremely ignorant, offensive, and downright stupid. I just unsubscribed from most of them (because you can now do that, it's basically unfriending them without unfriending them), because their posts would make me cringe. Aside from the terrible spelling and grammar, which I would let go because, well, it's facebook, and there's a lot of them who have horrible grammar. But then they began to make posts that showed either blatant ignorance or just plain idiocy. One cousin posted a long-winded status about the separation of Church and State, believing that the two are inseparable, reinforced with a chorus of "Amen"s from her equally idiotic friends, when really her post made little sense and proved how uneducated she was really was. Others simply ask the dumbest of questions, questions that they should know the answer to. And no, this is not me being high-and-mighty, these are blatantly obvious answers. A second cousin posts offensive and ignorant photos that are Tea Party sponsored, greeted by a chorus of likes from my family and his ignorant friends alike (one of them posted a wonderful status the day after New York legalized same-sex marriage, that goes like this: "'In New York, concrete jungle where gays can marry'-Gay-Z"). One aunt insists on tagging herself in photos of her nieces and nephews for no reason. At this point others are tagging her in them. In fact, one cousin insists on not only tagging my aunt, but most of my cousins in pictures now! Why, I don't know. Mind you, this may be me being anal, however, I do have a key point. The point is, I've learned more about my family through Facebook than I have in my almost 20 years of being around them. And the learning isn't pleasant. So my question is, what is your opinion on family on Facebook, and do you think it changes the family dynamic/relationships? Discuss. Edited November 1, 2011 by Octavian Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inactive Account Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 I certainly learned more about my cousins than I really wanted to on Facebook. The older members of my mom's side of the family haven't really presented me with anything new; their love of chain emails unsurprisingly translated to chain statuses, but that's about it. Maybe they're all addicted to FarmVille, I don't know, I blocked that from my feed a long time before I friended any relatives. On the other hand, I have rather enjoyed having most of my dad's side of the family on Facebook, but that's probably because I already agreed with them on a large percentage of the things they post about. I think how Facebook affects one's view of one's family really depends on what the family is already like. I wouldn't say it's been divisive for me and my mom's side of the family, but I definitely see how it could be divisive for a different family; on the other hand it's been nice to get occasional updates from my dad's side, since I live so far away from them. tl;dr It can change things for better or worse, it depends on the people involved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Horace Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 I don't add my immediate family on facebook for privacy reasons, (and the fact that I have many other ways of contacting them) but I do add other family like aunts, uncles and cousins that I don't see too often. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrashGordon94 Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 I have my Dad on Facebook, he does very little on it normally (same with me, to be honest). I had my Mom on it too for the few days where she had an account. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ring Wraith Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 (edited) Sounds like part of your problem is conservative Christians, not Facebook. To be fair, I've recently gone through a bunch of photos sponsored by more liberal people who are equally as ignorant of the opposite. Slight rage. Agree with Kiryn about chain statuses. Thankfully, none of my family does them, but every time I see one I unsubscribe from that person. Facebook brought my cousins much closer. Me and my cousins were all super connected a few years ago because of being able to mass message without spamming up our e-mails, but now that we have more responsibilities have been unable to. And group chat had just come out too... My aunts and uncles don't post much, if at all. One aunt posts her nature pictures, which are actually really cool, as she travels a lot. My grandma, however, does not know how to use it. She basically likes everything and comments completely random things on completely unrelated statuses. The biggest problem I run into is my family assuming wrong things from Facebook... "Oh, she posts on his wall a lot, I bet they're going to go out..." "I saw a picture of Luke with a pretty girl...what do you know about that?" Etc. Edited November 1, 2011 by Ring Wraith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 My family's the opposite. For the most part, we're NOT on Facebook. Off the top of my head, the only ones I know of are my stepsister and a cousin. Everyone else seems to have privacy issues/thinks it's a waste of time. I think the lack of Facebook says something about us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excellen Browning Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 Well welcome to life, I suppose. I think I may need to remind you of this; Christians have a certain set of (Christian)values. A certain set of values they will want to voice in politics. In that sense there really can never be a "separation of church and state". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 Well welcome to life, I suppose. I think I may need to remind you of this; Christians have a certain set of (Christian)values. A certain set of values they will want to voice in politics. In that sense there really can never be a "separation of church and state". If you're gonna start bashing Christians, can you do so in the religion thread? ;/ People will be vocal/quiet (insert religion/political leaning/etc. here), and Facebook is just another medium for the vocal ones to state their opinion, and the quiet ones to read/shake their head/agree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excellen Browning Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 If you're gonna start bashing Christians, can you do so in the religion thread? ;/ People will be vocal/quiet (insert religion/political leaning/etc. here), and Facebook is just another medium for the vocal ones to state their opinion, and the quiet ones to read/shake their head/agree. Wasn't aware I was the one bashing, but if you think I do then I apologize. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Celice Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 On a converse side, I think it might actually be better for my mother and brother. I never really developed a close relationship with either of them. I don't necessarily speak to them about anything. Them being on Facebook allows them to see the sorts of things I'm interested in (I pass along tons of interesting crap and insights), which in turns, allow them to converse and understand parts of me that they otherwise didn't, and still don't, get to hear. I notice a lot more sadness than I do stupidity on other people's facebooks. You get to see what they think is important, what they take the time out to post about, what they're interested in. Most of the time, I notice a lot of nothing. A lot of the time, no one posts about things they're interested in personally--they puppet out things they've heard, they regurgitate information they passively accept. Profiles can be switched in and out and the overall content doesn't change, because the content is all refuse boiling from the same place, and it happens to sift through some pretty base people. Not my friends though. I defriend people like that. I also never ask for people to be friends--everyone asks to be mine. Then they're judged and thrown away if they suck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Strawman Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 hmm. I have quite a bit of family on Facebook. My mom, both brothers, sister in law, most cousins. However, there is very little interaction between me and my family that goes on on Facebook. I have one aunt and cousin who pt very conservative jokes/photos/chain statuses, but I also have friends who do the exact same thing so its not really a big deal. I agree to disagree. My brother and sister in law post a lot of pictures of my nephew, which is fine cause he is pretty adorable, as most toddlers are. My cousins on my dad's side of the family who I never see are on there too, but they hardly get on. It is nice to be able to see how they are doing occasionally though, because if I didn't at least see their profiles on Facebook occasionally I wouldn't have even seen a picture of them in years. I do have to watch what I post since I'm friends with my family also, but I don't really do anything nor would I post anything usually that would be bad for them to see, but its always in the back of my mind. I agree with Kiryn, I think the effect of Facebook on families depends entirely on your family. Though it could probably make uncomfortable or undesirable family situations worse in some cases. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caliban of Sycorax Posted November 1, 2011 Author Share Posted November 1, 2011 It's not the conservatism of my family that bothers me, because clearly they haven't alienated me. Of course, I counter their anti-Obama posts with posts of my own, or sometimes I even add something educational, for example I posted how it was impossible to call Obama a Fascist and Socialist at the same time, something that was hinted at in a political cartoon a cousin posted. However, I am also subject to the "Family likes/comments everything" curse, which isn't the worst thing, but it gets annoying when they comment on the dumbest things. Sometimes they do post smart-ish things, but it just gets annoying after a while. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emeraldfox Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 My cousins, parents and sisters have a Bookface. My cousins posts pictures of their many, many kids, and use terrible grammar and spelling. In all caps or alternating lower and upper cases about their stupid 'drama'. My dad sends me invites to Bookface games I have no interest in, my older sister posts about whatever is on her mind, my mom is barely on her Bookface anymore. And my younger sister is dumb, deletes her friends if they do the slightest thing she thinks is wrong, and likes to pretend she has no brother(lul). Me? I barely do anything, but it's nice to be able to keep in touch with my friends from highschool. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zahlman Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 sometimes I even add something educational, for example I posted how it was impossible to call Obama a Fascist and Socialist at the same time People who are willing to sling either epithet are highly, highly unlikely to care about such logic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caliban of Sycorax Posted November 2, 2011 Author Share Posted November 2, 2011 My cousins, parents and sisters have a Bookface. My cousins posts pictures of their many, many kids, and use terrible grammar and spelling. In all caps or alternating lower and upper cases about their stupid 'drama'. My dad sends me invites to Bookface games I have no interest in, my older sister posts about whatever is on her mind, my mom is barely on her Bookface anymore. And my younger sister is dumb, deletes her friends if they do the slightest thing she thinks is wrong, and likes to pretend she has no brother(lul). This is exactly what I deal with, my cousin's an idiot and got engaged to her psychopath boyfriend whom she's been with for about three months... she's 18, he's 26 and has bipolar disorder and no job. Although I've officially washed my hands of the matter and refuse to deal with her any longer, she insists that her family is doing wrong to her, taking the drama to Facebook by posting a longwinded status comment in order to stake her claim horribly immaturely. I also get horribly annoying invites to random games all the time, my list of blocked applications is miles long at this point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Defeatist Elitist Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 (edited) I notice a lot more sadness than I do stupidity on other people's facebooks. You get to see what they think is important, what they take the time out to post about, what they're interested in. Most of the time, I notice a lot of nothing. A lot of the time, no one posts about things they're interested in personally--they puppet out things they've heard, they regurgitate information they passively accept. Profiles can be switched in and out and the overall content doesn't change, because the content is all refuse boiling from the same place, and it happens to sift through some pretty base people. This, basically. I mean, to be fair, I guess you could call some of the things people do stupid, but it really is more sad than anything sometimes. I think one of the worst things as far as this goes is people mindlessly posting and reposting those "some random issue 90% won't repost this and are vile but 10% are super great and will" things, though there are certainly other things too. But yeah, it really lets you see a lot of trends, and they're not always heartening. I never really have trouble with family, but my family has always been extremely cutthroat and pretty open about things, so yeah. Edited November 2, 2011 by Defeatist Elitist Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoenix Wright Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 (edited) My family is on Facebook, and I'm friends with all of them. I post whatever status I want, I debate with certain people when I want, I do pretty much whatever I feel like on Facebook (except for one thing, which I'll state below). Their posts never show up in my feed, and I bet mine don't show up in theirs, because some of my posts are directly contradicting what they tried to indoctrinate me with. My family is mostly all good people, but they're also all Christians. I am an atheist. My "religion" is posted as "agnostic," because if any of them ever took the time to read my info, they'd find out, and I'd be in deep shit if they found out I'm an atheist. So I hide that, and refrain from making religious posts from where they're able to see. I do not agree with my some members of my family politically either, but that I am not letting up on. No one really cares about my political beliefs. Edited November 2, 2011 by Phoenix Wright Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MacLovin Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 It's a nice idea and all. But one of my parents forced facebook and farmville down my throat. Communication is always a plus-but whenever I go on, people I know put way to much information online. Some people I know put cute pics of their kids online, would this not encourage pedophiles. I was told to not put picture taken at home online, because the background would tell "other people" where I live. But, that's an overprotective household for you. Why use Facebook, when there are many other sites that you can communicate on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Raven Posted November 2, 2011 Share Posted November 2, 2011 lol my family's on facebook but I have nothing to hide, i either post about how much school sorta sucks at the moment, if something good happens (at school), something (mildly) funny a friend says, or a revelation i had... about school. I really come off as a nerd -_- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Esau of Isaac Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 I would say that I agree in principle, but not in application, of what you are saying. In other words, I understand and easily believe that some people out there would be surprised by the things they have found out regarding those they know well or family (that they are more stupid than they let on, socioeconomic positions, etc.), but I genuinely have yet to ever have this happen to me. All of the family members I have friended on Facebook behave more or less exactly as I would expect. I'm disappointed I haven't found out one of my closer friends or family is secretly a member of KKK or something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darros Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 My parents are actually cool on Facebook. Well, dad made an account, and got addicted to FarmVille then deactivated after that. But mom never is rude to people, or interferes with my FB other than to inform me of things such as "Bring your key to school" or stuff like that. I have cousins on FB too, and one of my uncles, but I never interact with most of them. I'm good friends with one of my cousins though, and she's friends with my friends, so there's no negativety there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ϲharlie Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 A good portion of my family can be found on Facebook. Most of them play silly games like Farmville or otherwise act as they normally would. I occasionally see a few of my relatives spouting some nonsense (such as objecting to giving aid to Japan after the tsunami), but I fully expect the people who say things like that to behave that way regardless of whether they're on Facebook or standing right in front of me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Raven Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 I think it's too late to mention how my mom facebook chatted me and said "don't be a moron, stupid" randomly while I was at college? They don't really tend to do anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aran613 Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 Being part of a fairly prestigious New England marching band means that I have to pretty much at least have some coordination with Facebook, as a lot of the meetings and discussions about tournaments and competitions are posted within the group. However, I tend to not pay a great deal of attention to anything else, but when I do, it's atrocious, even my own family. Half of them are deeply obsessed with games on there, while the others constantly swear and act way differently than they would in person. I think it's a bit annoying, and I think it does affect the rest of my family. However, I tend to stay away from keeping too much contact with them on Facebook, while I do admit I'll talk a bit too much to friends on there, however, it's usually the people that are good friends, and we actually talk about helpful things instead of normal anticlimactic conversations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestling Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 I have a lot of family on Facebook, and I've pretty much everything I've learned from their Facebook is what I've learned from real life. I know that my aunt is kinda cool but kinda crazy, I already knew that two of my female cousins were pretty much parallels of my brother and I, I already knew that my younger cousin was kinda silly. In fact, if anything, opening myself to them on Facebook made them learn more about ME then I've learned about them. In fact, I think my intricate and long statuses were so wtf that my uncle actually deleted me off of Facebook (Although he deleted the rest of my family except for his son (but he deleted his daughter and her husband o-o) and his dad). I guess its impact depends on what kind of family you have. I've been lucky enough to have a family that isn't crazy, or at least doesn't show it on Facebook. My grandmother and grandfather were total badasses on Farmville, though. I wasn't annoyed by their game requests though, mostly because they only sent requests for games that I actually played, and I played Farmville with them until they quit (after they hit like, 105 on their individual accounts). But I've seen a few people who do post that extremist political/religious stuff, and I can imagine how much it would suck if it was someone that you know. I'm religious, but I've read the chain mail, and some of it is kinda motivational, but most of it is "boy u crazy" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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