hi dad, hi mum

[Rothene]

Anyways...whatever happens, don't be one of those people who add to the ever growing list of suicides in that country. Things can only get better eventually...and if it doesn't well it's better than not sticking around to the chance it actually would have become better.

[Freohr Datia]

Well it's mean to say it, but my mom never passed high school and my dad never got into college (though that's because his parents never stressed them into it because back then they didn't know how important college would be) so both of them are just proud that my brother and I got much better grades than they did... But there are definitely still things about me that my dad is not pleased with and he is never really... all that supportive XD He treats everything with sarcasm and just teases. And when I do do better he completely ignores the fact and keeps it up and it doesn't really encourage me to do better... It actually encourages me to do the opposite, thinking "What do you want me to do badly? Fine, here you go~!"

Of course that just means that in the end neither of us are helping each other out XD

[Defeatist Elitist]

I'll probably be forced to enter your tiny pseudo-democracy by my family in order to visit Cambodia so I could totally pick you up. Except not really because planes and shit. You could try to crash at my uncle's!

[Original Alear]

Don't know if you need to be married to adopt, though, if so... wait a few years Joshie I'll get you out of there before you're 18!

You don't need to be married to adopt...but I'm not sure what emancipation laws are like in Singapore, and I'm not sure how the adoption agencies would feel about adopting a child who isn't emancipated from living parents.

[Elieson]

I adopted my son, and he's from CA.

Trust me, its expensive

[Thor Odinson]

You don't need to be married to adopt...but I'm not sure what emancipation laws are like in Singapore, and I'm not sure how the adoption agencies would feel about adopting a child who isn't emancipated from living parents.

Well Joshie told me his parents would give me the finger so

I guess not

sadfais

[Rothene]

If they'd respond to your efforts like that, that means he probably means something to them.

[Iced]

You probably deserved it if your parents really called you a failure. Sometimes you need to actually wake up and stop being so self entitled.

[Original Alear]

You probably deserved it if your parents really called you a failure. Sometimes you need to actually wake up and stop being so self entitled.

I do so love it when people make rash, hateful assumptions about someone else's character and scenario.

[Blasied]

You probably deserved it if your parents really called you a failure. Sometimes you need to actually wake up and stop being so self entitled.

Whoa, what the fuck? Where did that come from? You ever heard of something called a supportive parent? Believe it or not, it is more likely for a person to improve if they are told "You can improve" rather than just being labeled as a failure.

Seriously, what the fuck?

[Iced]

Whoa, what the fuck? Where did that come from? You ever heard of something called a supportive parent? Believe it or not, it is more likely for a person to improve if they are told "You can improve" rather than just being labeled as a failure.

Seriously, what the fuck?

I'm sure Aurora's parents do love and support him normally, but it would take quite a lot for a parent to call their son a failure, there comes a time where 'You can improve' just doesn't cut it anymore. Sometimes you have to actually be told these things and take a look at yourself rather than constantly blaming the world. Be cruel to be kind and all that jazz.

[Blasied]

Contrary to popular opinion, kicking a person while they're down does not make them get up faster.

[eclipse]

I'm sure Aurora's parents do love and support him normally, but it would take quite a lot for a parent to call their son a failure, there comes a time where 'You can improve' just doesn't cut it anymore. Sometimes you have to actually be told these things and take a look at yourself rather than constantly blaming the world. Be cruel to be kind and all that jazz.

No. . .just. . .no. That's a good way to make sure your kid never respects you.

[Original Alear]

I'm sure Aurora's parents do love and support him normally, but it would take quite a lot for a parent to call their son a failure, there comes a time where 'You can improve' just doesn't cut it anymore. Sometimes you have to actually be told these things and take a look at yourself rather than constantly blaming the world. Be cruel to be kind and all that jazz.

I didn't see anything in JB's posts that indicated he is just "constantly blaming the world." Moreover, being treated like a failure doesn't tend to engender success.

[Defeatist Elitist]

I'm sure Aurora's parents do love and support him normally, but it would take quite a lot for a parent to call their son a failure, there comes a time where 'You can improve' just doesn't cut it anymore. Sometimes you have to actually be told these things and take a look at yourself rather than constantly blaming the world. Be cruel to be kind and all that jazz.

This would be true if A) there was any indication that he actually was really bad at things, and B) there weren't far more effective ways of dealing with that behaviour, because let's be honest, calling someone a total failure is either meaningless, or, if true, basically means that person isn't likely to start succeeding at any time soon, so pointing it out would be moderately pointless.

[Iced]

No. . .just. . .no. That's a good way to make sure your kid never respects you.

Respect goes deeper than simply telling your children what they want to hear all the time. He may not like his parents at the moment, everybody goes through phases like that, but I'm sure that they think this is ultimately for the best. I agree there may have been a lighter way to put it though.

I didn't see anything in JB's posts that indicated he is just "constantly blaming the world." Moreover, being treated like a failure doesn't tend to engender success.

I'm only going off what I've been told, I have no idea what his situation is really like. To me it sounds like this has been an on-going thing, you have to be able to change yourself before you can try to change things around you. Being treated like a failure is certainly never a good thing in any aspect, but being told these things can force you to face up to your problems, be it school or whatever, and work towards fixing them.

Regardless, I'm not going to continue to argue a point when none of us have any information; it's really not fair to Aurora. If he made this thread looking for help I'm sure the people here will try to give him some good advice providing he gives some details about his situation, but at the moment it just looks like he's using it to vent his frustration and get sympathy. Nothing wrong with that either if he's angry.

Edited March 1, 2012 by Iced

[Rehab]

"You are failing" is very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very

very different from "you are a failure."

He sounds very self-conscious already. Don't push it.

[Elieson]

Respect goes deeper than simply telling your children what they want to hear all the time. He may not like his parents at the moment, everybody goes through phases like that, but I'm sure that they think this is ultimately for the best. I agree there may have been a lighter way to put it though.

I'm only going off what I've been told, I have no idea what his situation is really like. To me it sounds like this has been an on-going thing, you have to be able to change yourself before you can try to change things around you. Being treated like a failure is certainly never a good thing in any aspect, but being told these things can force you to face up to your problems, be it school or whatever, and work towards fixing them.

Regardless, I'm not going to continue to argue a point when none of us have any information; it's really not fair to Aurora. If he made this thread looking for help I'm sure the people here will try to give him some good advice providing he gives some details about his situation, but at the moment it just looks like he's using it to vent his frustration and get sympathy. Nothing wrong with that either if he's angry.

As a parent, this does make sense.

Believe it or not, parents don't always want to blindly let their kids do whatever it is that they want without consequence. I'll support my kids doing just about anything, but when if they start slacking around or begin to pursue a path ridden with difficulties and struggles, I'll interject and put in my 2cents.

My son is pretty stubborn, and after years of asking him nicely to say, take better care if his dog, he still doesn't bathe him or any of that out if sheer laziness. One time, I blurted or " you aren't taking good care if your dog! Bathe him or give him away to a kid who will!", and you know what? He got upset that I said that, but he realized that I was serious about something I cared about: his dog's health, and more importantly, my son's happiness with his dog.

Now, I'm not quoting JB's situation; in fact, he knows I'm his friend and wouldn't try to offer him the tough love that his parents are giving him. What I am doing is merely providing the opinion of a parent, hopefully explaining why his parents are acting the way they are. Not all parents were raised during WW2 to be endlessly passive and supportive...they have a line that can be stretched too.

Just understand that your parents, though not agreeing with you and your choices, love you. It's an unconditional love, and always will be.

That doesn't mean they have to like you and your decisions all the time. And like I said in my first post, if it masters that much to you, prove to mum and dad that what you are doing will bring you to the future that you to trying to reach. They will be more proud and accepting of your choices than ever before if you can successfully do something that they disagree with. If it doesn't work out, I promise, they will be there to catch you and help you bounce back.

[BK-201]

Respect goes deeper than simply telling your children what they want to hear all the time. He may not like his parents at the moment, everybody goes through phases like that, but I'm sure that they think this is ultimately for the best. I agree there may have been a lighter way to put it though.

I'm only going off what I've been told, I have no idea what his situation is really like. To me it sounds like this has been an on-going thing, you have to be able to change yourself before you can try to change things around you. Being treated like a failure is certainly never a good thing in any aspect, but being told these things can force you to face up to your problems, be it school or whatever, and work towards fixing them.

Regardless, I'm not going to continue to argue a point when none of us have any information; it's really not fair to Aurora. If he made this thread looking for help I'm sure the people here will try to give him some good advice providing he gives some details about his situation, but at the moment it just looks like he's using it to vent his frustration and get sympathy. Nothing wrong with that either if he's angry.

There's still a bright-line that you continually refuse to acknowledge. Nobody knows the entire context behind his post on here so resorting to baseless assumptions is stupid. That means you're automatically defaulting to the worst possible view of someone and as are more likely to hurt than help any situation.

Except you're making the assumption he's not trying and he's not putting any effort towards schoolwork which I doubt is true. Believe it or not it's more difficult to rise up when people are pushing you down, if he recognizes the problem then berating him is counterproductive. I'm sure if he's failing, he's not happy and he'll realize it.

In a thread where you acknowledge he's trying to get sympathy from what's the point of berating him? You admit you don't know the full context yet you default to saying "Oh you probably are a failure".

[BK-201]

zzz double post from school internet

Edited March 2, 2012 by BK-201

[Rehab]

My son is pretty stubborn, and after years of asking him nicely to say, take better care if his dog, he still doesn't bathe him or any of that out if sheer laziness. One time, I blurted or " you aren't taking good care if your dog! Bathe him or give him away to a kid who will!", and you know what? He got upset that I said that, but he realized that I was serious about something I cared about: his dog's health, and more importantly, my son's happiness with his dog.

Oddly enough, my dad and I completely stopped giving our dog baths more recently, because somehow he heard that "dogs get baths more for the sake of their owners than themselves," and that they're fine going without them. He never did tell me where he heard that, though.

[Freohr Datia]

As far as my experience has shown, and as far as my last post even said, just saying "you suck" to your kids is just gonna anger them and make them think that their parents don't at all support them and then they'll be like "screw that" and not even take the effort. Some who might be a bit older or maybe are a bit more thoughtful could probably understand what their parents are doing by saying things like that but I'm sure nobody would appreciate always being called a failure all the time.

I would think the best thing a parent could do is actually try to be helpful if they feel their child needs to improve. It is their responsibility after all. And it also helps to be understanding I would think.

Edited March 1, 2012 by Freohr Datia

[Thor Odinson]

A parent should never call their child a "failure". They should point out what they think the child is not doing well and explain what could be done better, rather than just calling the child a "failure". Calling the child a "failure" helps NOBODY.

I'm sure Aurora's parents do love and support him normally, but it would take quite a lot for a parent to call their son a failure, there comes a time where 'You can improve' just doesn't cut it anymore. Sometimes you have to actually be told these things and take a look at yourself rather than constantly blaming the world. Be cruel to be kind and all that jazz.

Maybe you have nice parents and your parents would never call you a failure unless you did something really stupid, but there are parents who are just utter dicks, or have extremely high and unrealistic expectations.

And I know Joshie better than you do. This is Stereotypical Extreme High Standards Asian parents we're talking about. Not getting into Harvard (or equivalents) means failure, and Joshie's probably doing a lot better at whatever he does than most people could do ever. There are some parents out there, that if their son or daughter gets second place as a finalist at some competition, would call them a failure because they didn't get first place. Wake up and realise that radically different people from what you are accustomed to EXIST.

Edited March 1, 2012 by Luminescent Blade

[Sakusa]

I'm sure Aurora's parents do love and support him normally, but it would take quite a lot for a parent to call their son a failure, there comes a time where 'You can improve' just doesn't cut it anymore. Sometimes you have to actually be told these things and take a look at yourself rather than constantly blaming the world. Be cruel to be kind and all that jazz.

Wow. Just wow. As someone who knows him very well, he doesn't deserve to be called a failure. If Lumi failed to adopt him, I'd petition to adopt him, as well and bother the boyfriend about it. He doesn't deserve to be called a failure just because his grades aren't a 4.0. Singapore has one of the most rigid, tedious, difficult education systems in the world. Most students that study abroad/transfer students from the United States that go to Singapore don't last more than a week, because the schooling is just so difficult.

I can take a look at myself and say that I'm a diligent person when I put my mind to it, extremely caring to the point where I'd sacrifice study time/skip class/forgo sleep to make sure a friend is okay, try to do community service whenever I can, and get my heaps of schoolwork done while I'm at it and still be called a failure.

I'm sure Aurora's parents do love and support him normally, but it would take quite a lot for a parent to call their son a failure, there comes a time where 'You can improve' just doesn't cut it anymore. Sometimes you have to actually be told these things and take a look at yourself rather than constantly blaming the world. Be cruel to be kind and all that jazz.

When it comes to parents like his? No, it wouldn't take much, since you're completely missing the culture gap. There's also the whole "I'm trying to improve, and I'm sinking all my time and energy into improving, but I'm just not improving." Ever hear of limits? I don't see how being told that you're a failure would help you improve, since if told enough times, you might start believing it and thus start a downward cycle towards legitimate failure. A little bit of praise and support go a long way, though there will always be kids that need more extreme measures.

As someone who has extremely unsupportive parents, who's been called a failure to her face and been told to die on several occasions, has pretty much been abused as a kid, and still gets shit for being a history major, I feel that there is a distinct line between "tough love" and downright lack of support. Yes, they may care for your future, and yes, they may want what's best for you, but they don't always want what you want. I had always wanted to be an artist since I was a kid, and I was pretty damn good at it, but with the emotional abuse and pressure my parents put on me, I ended up going to school as a history major (I'm planning on becoming a teacher in the future), due to trying to placate them with something more academically oriented. And before anybody starts calling me out on not having enough drive, dedication, or talent or whatever, I've participated in district-wide art contests and have gotten some special mentions. I was also accepted into an accelerated art class back in middle school that was normally only offered to high school students. I did all of this with no art tutoring or formal art education, but even though my parents saw my dedication and hard work, they kept telling me I had no future in the art world and that I should just give up and go for math/science/something that made more money. Guess what? I hate math! :D And math is both the queen bee and worker bee of science, which makes me dislike science by default (though I'm aware that math-less sciences exist). Instead of supporting my strengths (art, music, English, history) they were trying to force me into something I knew I would hate. Their rationale? "Sometimes you just have to do something you hate to survive." My dad always tells me about his earlier dreams to become a great physicist, but he switched to computer science to make a living. I don't think that gives them the right to tell me to switch majors immediately because they already "knew" I'd never find a job.

The result of all this "tough love"? Emotional instability, multiple suicide attempts, and a stay in a mental ward for a week. I still have decent grades (maintaining a 3.0 somehow after getting screwed over in a few of my classes) and a wonderful security net (I'm looking at you two, Lumi and Furet <3) but trying to talk to my parents and presenting my thoughts in a rational, thoughtful manner turns into a bloodbath. Whenever I refute their points, it always ends up as "you don't know what you're talking about," or "I'm your parent, so you can't argue with me," or "because I'm your parent, you can never speak on equal terms with me," or "stop being stubborn and do as I say." For example: if I say that I'll find some freelance work on the side if the teaching salary thing falls short, they say I'll never find it. This is not the case, as I've been commissioned by various friends and strangers to draw stuff (though I end up declining due to trying to focus more on school). This distinctly Confucian way of thinking is nearly impossible to eradicate and argue against, and even if you expend all of your time and energy into trying to convince them otherwise, they could still be too stubborn to change their initial perception on whatever it is you wanted to do (just look at the stupid back and forths between Democrats and Republicans, and you'll see what I mean).

tl;dr: Sometimes you just can't convince people even if you try your best and have to deal with it, even if you don't deserve to be subject to this crap in the first place. Culture gaps are also a wonderful thing; please continue to be ignorant of how common this extreme thinking is in other places (most notably Asia).

Edited March 2, 2012 by Sona Buvelle

[Jaybee]

lumi/anna/eclipse/guys i wub you all ;~;

Things are getting better, at least. They kind of understood that the first term is the shitty term for everyone, so... :x