Gentleman, Ladies. Define the difference between

[Elieson]

Being a slut, and dating. Only answer this to represent your own gender, not views on the opposite gender.

Topic. I'm having a heated debate with my ex regarding this and want to get some outside opinions.

Edited July 21, 2013 by Elieson

[Darros]

Dating is a serious commitment between two people and a relationship higher than just "let's have lots of sex". Intimate feelings and all that.

Being a slut, well, is just "let's have lots of sex". Not that there's anything wrong with that but the intimacy isn't really there.

[Silverhand]

Gregor is master of all things to do with the ladies.

[pinkbubblegum]

I'm not entirely certain if this is on topic or not but labeling someone as a "slut" (Augh ;; I never swear irl so it's kind of jarring typing that out xD; ) always strikes me as unnecessary. I don't know if I'm just being extremely apathetic towards things like these, or am just extremely lax/ open-minded but well, if someone wants to exercise their freedom in not committing to one person in matters that concern their body then that's all well and good. I don't find it necessary to label people with such a derogatory term or anything. I mean, I wouldn't do it but if you want to then, you should be free to do so without people having to pass judgement or anything.

For a more on topic answer, I agree with Gregor for his definitions I guess o:
When I hear the word dating, I usually associate it with an end goal of finding someone you want to dedicate and spend your time with for the long haul vs. sleeping around for the sake of it.

Edited July 21, 2013 by pinkbubblegum

[eclipse]

It's all in priorities and motivation, IMO. What do I value most out of him? Do my actions match my words? This should answer the question, in my mind.

[Espinosa]

There's prostitution and promiscuity, but in that dichotomy you outline there's absolutely no difference outside of connotation. If you favour the person, then you say that they're dating, but if you dislike her and wish to express it you say she's a slut. There's also the gender difference (few would look for a male equivalent to the word 'slut'), and, of course, one could date for years without even considering to have sex for a multitude of reasons.

[buttmuncher.ops]

there's no difference between the two. everybody has as much sex as is humanly possible for them.

the difference is that the people who actively talk about how much sex they're having with anyone ranging from acquaintances to close friends are labeled as sluts. everyone else has enough common sense to not reveal the quantity or quality of what they do between the sheets to the public and just let inquiring minds know "yea, im single; i'm dating; ye ye ye"

[Aether911]

there's no difference between the two. everybody has as much sex as is humanly possible for them.

Not sure about this one, however I agree with the rest, it's not about how much sex you have or anything, more on how your sexual life is actually seen.

[deleted35362]

is this a trick question? they're completely different lolol. dating is going on dates, being a slut is...slutting? lol i don't know it's like watching tv and and eating an apple. you can be a slut who goes on dates, but you don't have to be a slut to go on dates or go on dates to be a slut.

[Hawk King]

If you go out on with someone with the intention of finding a serious relationship that's dating.

If you go out with someone with the intention of having sex and nothing more, that's being a slut.

[deleted35362]

If you go out with someone with the intention of having sex and nothing more, that's being a slut.

but it's still dating.

[Bluedoom]

The word 'slut' isn't in my dictionary because I think people use that word to make others feel bad honestly. I've seen my friend call a girl slut just because she rejected him loooool. I mean people have different definitions but ' slut' is associated with morals for most people and I consdier myself to be almost amoral.

Also if dating is basically hanging around with someone just to see if they're compatible with you that's honestly more like a friendship but people just have more emphasis on it for reasons I can't understand.

Guess that word's not in my dictionary either. 8)

[Rehab]

I'm way too used to seeing somebody being called a slut, just as part of an attempt to smear their reputation with minimal effort, and people can be way too quick to spread the label, even when sex with multiple people (or, in many cases, even one person) isn't actually involved for the person in question. It's a dehumanizing, often controlling (or attempting to be), and disproportionately gendered insult.

If somebody's actually manipulating other people in their sex life, I think it's less problematic to just come out and call them manipulative. And if they've had mutually respectful (at least with respect to the bodily autonomy of their partner and themselves, in each case), consenting sex with more than one person, or more than one person at a time, or whatever, as long as nobody's being led on or hurt by it, then I don't see a problem worth calling out.

[Anouleth]

I'm way too used to seeing somebody being called a slut, just as part of an attempt to smear their reputation with minimal effort, and people can be way too quick to spread the label, even when sex with multiple people (or, in many cases, even one person) isn't actually involved for the person in question. It's a dehumanizing, often controlling (or attempting to be), and disproportionately gendered insult.

How is "slut" a dehumanising insult? If anything, I would take it as one of the most humanizing insults, because it's almost never used to describe animals, or animal behavior. In fact, I think it would be a little bit weird to use it to describe an animal...

I don't see how being a controlling word is bad, either. There's nothing wrong with using words to express disapproval of certain forms or modes of behavior.

If you're unhappy with the way that the word "slut" is usually used to describe women, then why don't you take action by using it to describe men?

[Phoenix Wright]

but it's still dating.

No, it's a "date." If the partners even decide to go anywhere. Dating implies that the couple is seeing each other on a regular basis, and are serious--at least that's how I see it.

A one-night stand or having a fuck-buddy are examples of inconsequential relationships.

----

As for the OP, being a slut and dating are fundamentally different.

Promiscuous people often do not look for serious relationships. Sometimes it's a commitment thing, sometimes it's a "I'm young and don't care" thing, sometimes it's simply having no desire for a serious relationship.

Dating is the opposite. It's possible to date multiple people at once in order to see who you'd like to be in a relationship with, but usually dating just refers to a couple being in a serious relationship.

Edited July 21, 2013 by Phoenix Wright

[deleted35362]

No, it's a "date." If the partners even decide to go anywhere. Dating implies that the couple is seeing each other on a regular basis, and are serious--at least that's how I see it.

that's very specific. dating is basically just the word "date" in present tense. the op never specified dating as dating a single person. what if there are some people that just like to date around without sleeping around?

[dondon151]

There's also the gender difference (few would look for a male equivalent to the word 'slut'),

i think slut is sometimes (though seldom) used to describe promiscuous men.

[Rehab]

How is "slut" a dehumanising insult? If anything, I would take it as one of the most humanizing insults, because it's almost never used to describe animals, or animal behavior. In fact, I think it would be a little bit weird to use it to describe an animal...

I don't see how being a controlling word is bad, either. There's nothing wrong with using words to express disapproval of certain forms or modes of behavior.

If you're unhappy with the way that the word "slut" is usually used to describe women, then why don't you take action by using it to describe men?

I don't know about where you're from, but in at least some circles in the U.S., and as far as I can tell, in not an insignificant number of other conservative places in the world, the insult often accompanies wishing harm on somebody, or justifications for harm done to somebody. "What a slut, I hope you get raped," "they were a slut, they deserved [an unpleasant experience they had]," and so on. By "dehumanizing," I mean that many times, I have seen/heard the word used to, in effect, claim that somebody was a lower class of being than a normal person, and was less deserving of the same considerations and benefits that are (hopefully) afforded to all other human beings, everything else being equal.

I've seen the word used too frequently and freely to, when I hear it, think "the person must have done something wrong to be called that." I've heard people recount that the possible threat of being called a slut, and the poor treatment they feared would follow from those around them, scared them into silence or inaction, even in situations where what they had done or were just thinking of doing involved no infidelity whatsoever. That brand of control through language has gone beyond "fearing the consequences of doing something bad," like, say, how I'd be liable to be called a monster if I tortured or admitted to wanting to torture somebody, or of being called a racist if I wore a Klan getup in public, and goes into the realm of "oh god I hope some asshole doesn't come along and try to ruin me today," over something like somebody's sex life that doesn't even necessarily hurt anybody.

The status of the word is such that casting suspicion that somebody is a slut can hurt somebody, even if they haven't hurt anybody or even done anything themselves. When the usage of a word becomes that toxic, I think it bears examination and criticism, at the very least.

And what somebody thinks makes a person a slut tends to be based on value judgments, in the first place. It's surprising how often I've heard somebody use the insult without even clarifying why they thought it fit the person in question. Ultimately I've heard it apply to all manner of things, from having had sex before wedlock, to somebody's having an extant sex drive, to having dressed a certain way, to having had sex with more than one person at some point in their life, to having ever had sex with more than one person at the same time, even to having refused somebody's asking for sex. Or maybe they were too quick, in somebody's mind, to rebound from breaking up with one person to dating another. I've even heard it used when actually have nothing to do with sex at all in the mind of the person using it, and rather be used to express disapproval over their non-sexual dating relationships, or even just the friendships they have. It's readily abusable as a weasel word, and given its history of being used to shame and smear women, I don't think it's much worth favoring over a more detailed, and hopefully less toxic, description.

Language changes, admittedly, and I can't say I've never heard a man called a slut, or that I've never heard close girlfriends use the word between them jokingly. If the word gets reclaimed in common use or whatever, that's fine by me. I'm personally not automatically going to be spurred to rage if I hear it said with a clear dearth of ill intent, or in a subversive way, or anything. I even thought it was funny when Team Four Star had Guru call Dende a slut in DBZ Abridged. The word has been used to scar people, though, and speaking for myself, I'd rather err on the side of caution with regards to trying not to hurt anybody with it, than to risk inadvertently making somebody who has been hurt by the word (and the sentiment behind the use of it) feel like I'm trivializing their experience.

Edited July 21, 2013 by Rehab

[Espinosa]

tbqh men might as well avoid the term 'slut' since they're far more likely to be called wankers for example, not to mention the contemporary paranoia that any man is a potential rapist or paedophile that goes around in feminist circles amongst others. At least somebody labelled a slut is nobody bearing criminal connotations (besides places like conservative Muslim countries, where I suppose being a slut is just about impossible... not that they mind luring in sex slaves from Ukraine and Moldova and whatnot).

[Anouleth]

I don't know about where you're from, but in at least some circles in the U.S., and as far as I can tell, in not an insignificant number of other conservative places in the world, the insult often accompanies wishing harm on somebody, or justifications for harm done to somebody. "What a slut, I hope you get raped," "they were a slut, they deserved [an unpleasant experience they had]," and so on. By "dehumanizing," I mean that many times, I have seen/heard the word used to, in effect, claim that somebody was a lower class of being than a normal person, and was less deserving of the same considerations and benefits that are (hopefully) afforded to all other human beings, everything else being equal.

If "slut" is dehumanising, then so is every other insult in the english language, because they're all also used in that way.

I've seen the word used too frequently and freely to, when I hear it, think "the person must have done something wrong to be called that." I've heard people recount that the possible threat of being called a slut, and the poor treatment they feared would follow from those around them, scared them into silence or inaction, even in situations where what they had done or were just thinking of doing involved no infidelity whatsoever. That brand of control through language has gone beyond "fearing the consequences of doing something bad," like, say, how I'd be liable to be called a monster if I tortured or admitted to wanting to torture somebody, or of being called a racist if I wore a Klan getup in public, and goes into the realm of "oh god I hope some asshole doesn't come along and try to ruin me today," over something like somebody's sex life that doesn't even necessarily hurt anybody.

You cannot seriously be claiming that people are more afraid of being called sluts than being called racists or torturers.

[Phoenix Wright]

that's very specific. dating is basically just the word "date" in present tense. the op never specified dating as dating a single person. what if there are some people that just like to date around without sleeping around?

I had a response that included the fact that one may date several people in order to see which they'd like to have a serious relationship with, but for some reason I decided not to include it in my final response.

Anyway, the issue is that I've only really heard the word "dating" in the context of a couple being in a committed relationship, not the early stages of one. That being the case, though, I still don't really think promiscuous people would ever be "dating," since it still implies being in a relationship, and they aren't really up for that...

[Esau of Isaac]

I can't speak for others, but when I hear "dating" I generally think of that as the earlier stages of the relationship. "Going out" is something I'd think of for more serious relationships.

[Rehab]

If "slut" is dehumanising, then so is every other insult in the english language, because they're all also used in that way.

You cannot seriously be claiming that people are more afraid of being called sluts than being called racists or torturers.

In a way, yes, though that depends on the person doing the insulting. Where it differs from many insults is that not all of them have people claiming they warrant such dramatic punishment with such frequency as is seen when somebody's called a slut. It's less likely to see somebody being called an ignoramus or a reactionary, alongside the sentiment that they are such a lesser being that they deserve to be harmed, for example.

That's right, I'm not. I'm saying that if you call somebody a torturer or a racist, in some places are more likely to expect solid proof than if you call somebody a slut. Calling somebody a torturer/racist is accusing them of a specific crime/biased tendency, and both have negative connotations because they're both clearly harmful to others. It's more likely that I'll see somebody try to "justify" the act of calling somebody a slut on a more subjective basis, thus the word can be easier to use than can many others to attack somebody's character without having proved that they've done something harmful.

[Anouleth]

In a way, yes, though that depends on the person doing the insulting. Where it differs from many insults is that not all of them have people claiming they warrant such dramatic punishment with such frequency as is seen when somebody's called a slut. It's less likely to see somebody being called an ignoramus or a reactionary, alongside the sentiment that they are such a lesser being that they deserve to be harmed, for example.

If the problem with the word "slut" isn't that it's inherently harmful, but that it has a malicious sentiment behind it, or it's being used by the wrong people, then surely there should be no problem with you using it.

Also, I don't think I've ever heard people say that sluts "warrant dramatic punishment". Or that sluts are "lesser beings". I think you're exaggerating. Certainly, I hear people say about idiots who have bad things happen to them that they "deserve what they got". Just have a look at the Darwin Awards. Not only do people believe that idiots deserve bad things happening to them, they actively celebrate it. People hate idiots.

That's right, I'm not. I'm saying that if you call somebody a torturer or a racist, in some places are more likely to expect solid proof than if you call somebody a slut.

No, you're not. You said that the control that the word "slut" exerts over people goes beyond "fearing the consequences of doing something bad". In other words, you're saying that people are afraid of being called "sluts". How else could the word exert such enormous control over people? In other words, you are saying that people are more afraid of being called a "slut" than being called racist.

Calling somebody a torturer/racist is accusing them of a specific crime/biased tendency, and both have negative connotations because they're both clearly harmful to others. It's more likely that I'll see somebody try to "justify" the act of calling somebody a slut on a more subjective basis, thus the word can be easier to use than can many others to attack somebody's character without having proved that they've done something harmful.

Even if it's easier to accuse someone of being a slut, that doesn't mean it carries more weight as an insult. It's very easy to call someone an idiot, but it's an almost weightless accusation to the point that people barely notice it. Nobody is scared of being called an idiot. You're supposed to be trying to prove that "slut" is a dangerous, weighty insult that people are scared of.

[Raven]

Too many people perceive slutty behaviour as bad. But I fucking love it.