[RCYOA] You are to become a man

[AnonymousSpeed]

On 5/24/2020 at 11:29 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

A "Rotating Choose Your Own Adventure" game is simple. It's like a regular choose-your-own-adventure game, but instead of me writing out the most popular path split for the whole story, each successive player writes what happens and then provides the next set of path splits for the next player to choose from. Here is an example.

You are the son of Joj, the baddest bandit in the mountains of Moldova. For centuries the leader of the Joj clan has headed an intricate criminal syndicate which terrorizes these lands and beyond without mercy, and you have been trained since the earliest days of youth to eventually take over leadership of this group. Now that you are of age, Joj hands you a master seal.

"Boy," says your father, who has a voice like 20 grit sandpaper. "It's time to promote to man. What kind of man do you want to be?"

@Jotari

A) Become a brigand and take people's things by force.

B) Become a pirate and do the same thing but at sea.

C) Become a thief and take people's things in a sneaky manner.

D) Become a priest and repent of the criminal ways of your ancestors.

E) Wake up in a retirement home bed

Edited December 12, 2020 by AnonymousSpeed

[Jotari]

The obvious answer is to become a pirate. Because pirates are objectively the best thing ever. It's a shame Moldova is a land locked country. Though it is pretty close to the black sea on it's eastern border. Only one country stands in your way. Ukraine. do you

 

A) Attack Ukraine with your army of wannabe pirates.

B) Ask Ukraine for visas to travel through their lands to get to the sea.

C) Screw Ukraine. We need to take back Transistria.

 

 

I'll also nominate the rule that in the spirit of encouraging varied contribution, people are not allowed to continue the story until three other people have posted.

[null]

B) Ask Ukraine for visas to travel through their lands to get to the sea.

Always go the pacifist route.

As you pass through Ukraine, you run into several smaller bands of pirates, but narrowly escape each time as you maintain your pacifist approach. Once you make it through, you now face the task of finding a vessel for traveling the open sea with your group of fellow pirates.

You have the options of

A) Buying a vessel with your own money

B) Stealing one in the middle of the night, but with no casualties

C) Sneaking onto a vessel and holding the owner at axepoint until they get out to sea, offing them once you get into the open waters

[Sooks]

A) Buying a vessel with your own money

Have to keep down the pacifist AND lawful good route while we’re at it. Wait... father didn’t give you any money. He says that real men get their earnings themselves and don’t receive handouts from their parents. This is Moldova, not southern California! So the question remains, how do you get your money?

A) You and your group each get minimum wage jobs, slowly working up over a year long time skip and epic work montage to afford a pirate ship, all the while 

B) Sneak into the biggest house in wherever in Ukraine you are and steal all the valuables you can find, then sell them.

C) Roll up in the nearest bank with all the weapons you have and demand money or else, using them if need be.

D) Send mom a letter asking for money and wait.

E) Send dad a letter asking for money and wait.

[AnonymousSpeed]

4 hours ago, Sooks said:

D) Send mom a letter asking for money and wait.

Hard work is lawful good, but that sounds like it would take a lot of time and effort and you would appreciate getting into piracy now, so you ask the honorable Mrs. Joj for some cash.

Mom says can spare you a couple thousand Moldovan leu, which is about a hundred dollars. That won't do at all, you're going to need something else to afford that boat.

A) Invest everything you have in cryptocurrency, baby!

B) Apply for a loan

C) Screw it, just steal a boat.

D) Ask dad for money

E) Hard work, time skip, yada yada yada, it just works.

[Jotari]

12 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Hard work is lawful good, but that sounds like it would take a lot of time and effort and you would appreciate getting into piracy now, so you ask the honorable Mrs. Joj for some cash.

Mom says can spare you a couple thousand Moldovan leu, which is about a hundred dollars. That won't do at all, you're going to need something else to afford that boat.

A) Invest everything you have in cryptocurrency, baby!

B) Apply for a loan

C) Screw it, just steal a boat.

D) Ask dad for money

E) Hard work, time skip, yada yada yada, it just works.

We're investing in bitcoin baby! I hear it's on the rise. So now is obviously the best time to do it...investing takes time however. So as we wait we should probably

A) Apply for a loan

B) Screw it, just steal a boat.

C) Ask dad for money

 

[Benice]

B)

Heading to a dealer known as "Dosney land," you and your bucaneers board a boat in a small, land-locked lake about 20 square meters large after patiently waiting in line for twenty minutes. However, before you can make off with your boat, other people happily begin firing on you with their cannons the moment you get on board! Finding yourself equipped with nothing but a tiny water cannon that is as powerful as a leaky water fountain on your own boat, you:

A) Fire with everything you have on the people who were ahead of you in line before making an escape with your boat, hoping to fight your way out of here.

B) Steal a real cannon from a different ride and use that on your rivals,

C) Negotiate with other people on the ride to form a fleet with you,

D) Scuttle your ship.

Edited December 13, 2020 by Benice

[Sooks]

6 hours ago, Benice said:

B)

 

———

C) because there is hope!

You tell the other people that you are the heir of the Joj clan on a mission to prove yourself to your father that you’re totally getting paid for, and the Joj clan is so obviously bathing in money that you have some profits to spare for anyone who joins you, and it works! You have now recruited several new units allies! However, you also learn that stealing an amusement park ride is hard due to the size of it. You are unsure of where to proceed from here when one of your recruits, with an impeccable beard and monocle by the way, says “Oi, I know a guy. As someone who’s rode a lot of boats with him, naturally I would want to try getting one of me own. But I can easily get ye a boat to borrow from him.” Do you trust this man?

A) Yes, he has a monocle!

B) No, he has a monocle!

[AnonymousSpeed]

14 hours ago, Sooks said:

A) Yes, he has a monocle!

Besides, we have to get to sea eventually, right? Long term consequences are nothing compared to the importance of the short term goals of the plot.

The man leads you and your crew to the coast. Not some dinky lake coast, but the shores of the Black Sea. You can smell the sea salt and baklava, and you can feel in your bones that you're one step closer to being a real pirate. Your monocle wearing crewmate then introduces you to his old sailing acquaintance, the ghost of Stede Bonnet.

A) Borrow a ghost boat

B) Borrow a regular boat

C) Borrow a speed boat

D) Exorcise him

[Jotari]

1 minute ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

 

C) Borrow a speed boat

 

This is the modern age, baby! We ain't no yarrr pirates. We be Somalian style pirates! (who might occasionally say yarrr). You hop on the boat and start sailing the seven single seas. But upon encountering the first merchant vessel, our monocled friend cries "Avast, this is a mutiny! This speed boat now belongs to Captain Reptor of House Freige!"

"Reptor!? Why!?" you cry.

"You should have known I was untrustworthy. I'm wearing a monocle after all."

It seemed this logic agreed with the rest of your crew as none of them seem to be on your side. You have only two options.

A) Try and fight Reptor and your crew single handedly.

B) Flee and try to swim to the nearby merchant ship.

[Benice]

B)

You jump ship and board the IT Satrap. When you climb on board, you see Merlinus yelling about the pirates being a trap.

Do you:

A) Kick out him and his crew, siezin his ship,

B) Convince him to let you join him in fighting the pirates,

C) Convince him to let you join them in escaping the pirates,

D) Join the pirates,

E) Order a hawaiian pizza from Liza & Ishtore's Jugdrali Pizza.

[Sooks]

E)

You pull out your smart phone, which you obviously have, and order a Hawaiian pizza for pick up in the most reputable shop in Hawaii, Liza & Ishtore's Jugdrali Pizza.

”Hawaiian pizza!?!?!? Oh my god, I am so sorry!” one of your attackers says. “I did not know you were one of the enlightened few... apologies, sire,” he says shamefully, lowering his head.

”Hawaiian pizza!?!? That’s absolutely disgusting, are you kidding me, Jared!?” someone who was supposedly on his side says, looking revolted.

One of Merlinus’ crew boards the other ship, shouting “Down with the pineapple lovers!! They’ve ruined pizza!!!” rushing the first guy with a weapon in hand. The rest of Merlinus’ crew reach the other ship as well, with them splitting up and allying themselves with either the pirates who like pineapple on pizza or those who do not. A massive battle ensues, so you sneak up to the wheel on Merlinus ship, which is also a speed boat you can steer yourself, and kick him out of the way. You then speed away, and no one notices! It’s just you and Merlinus alone in the open waters now (he was too cowardly to take part in the conflict, “I object!”). You find a very detailed map below deck while chilling before journeying onward. You decide to

A) Head to Turkey and travel by foot to its other coast, in an attempt to make it to the most profitable ocean: the Atlantic, specifically just off the coast of the U.K.. There is talk that the richest of Merchant vessels and the most notorious of pirates all come from there, and those waters are where any aspiring pirates will want to be.

B) Check out the place Merlinus has circled and marked with a star, “Merchant’s fair! Huge opportunity for cash!! Must attend!” and a tiny indentation below it, “be way of traps!”, which is in Burgas, Bulgaria, just out of the Black Sea.

C) Seek passage through Russia in the East to the Caspian Sea, to eventually make it to Hawaii in order to pick up your pizza.

Edited December 15, 2020 by Sooks

[AnonymousSpeed]

10 hours ago, Sooks said:

A massive battle ensues, so you sneak up to the wheel on Merlinus ship, which is also a speed boat. You find a very detailed map below deck.

Genius.

10 hours ago, Sooks said:

B) Check out the place Merlinus has circled and marked with a star, “Merchant’s fair! Huge opportunity for cash!! Must attend!” and a tiny indentation below it, “be way of traps!”, which is in Burgas, Bulgaria, just out of the Black Sea.

As a lawful good criminal, you feel it best to check out this legal-sounding way of making a huge profit. In addition, your beloved Uncle Andrei is a restauranteur living in Burgas. Besides, staying near the black sea sounds like the best option if you want to eventually retake Constantinople, which you have now decided you want to do.

You speed towards the shore, landing just as soon as you run out of fuel. You step onto the Bulgarian sands when, suddenly-

A) The boat explodes

B) Merlinus stabs you in the back with a blunt weapon

C) You fall into a pitfall

D) You get seduced

E) The Bulgarian police arrest you on suspicion of smuggling drugs

[Jotari]

2 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

E) The Bulgarian police arrest you on suspicion of smuggling drugs

You did just cross an international border without a passport. So it's actually rather unsurprising that you're immediately seized and searched upon landing in Bulgaria. Merlinius is spirited away to an unknown holding cell while you are brought to a dark room with a single glaring lamp. You try to explain to them how you were only trying to attend the Merchant's fair. They believe you, but you also have no evidence. So they charge you to carry out a mission for them. You are to go to Moscow and assassinate Putin. The Bulgarians proceed to install a shock collar on you that can be remotely used to terminate you if the job is not accomplished. They give you some money and drop you off at the fair. You have two weeks to accomplish your mission or the shock collar will go off. You better spend your money now wisely on

A) A fake Russian passport

B) A grappling hook

C) The Galeforce Skill

D) Another speed boat

E) Putin's Judo DVD (this is real, I would link it but Serenes won't let me)

[Shrow]

9 hours ago, Jotari said:

E) Putin's Judo DVD (this is real, I would link it but Serenes won't let me)

Putin's Judo DVD reveals a lot about his fighting style and more info about your target. You're on small time so its best not to waste it. As you go to purchase the item, the shopkeeper tells you in passing that Putin will be appearing at the Fair's Fighting Arena (FFA) tonight in local area. What luck! Useful information for sure, you make your way to the FFA, a grand crowd ready to witness the spectacle violence full of glee. Though you can't seem to find Putin in the stands, however it dawns on you that Putin will be likely showing off his Judo techniques in the Arena. Putin will likely be in the basement getting ready for his fights as will the other contestants, we could challenge him for a fight or?.. there might be other options here.

A) Go into the Arena's basement

B) Explore the stands for another option

C) Explore the Fair

D) Place a bet (with what little money you have)

E) Something creative

 

[Sooks]

13 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Genius.

I’m glad someone noticed me embracing the spirit of the RCYOA. Thank you.

1 hour ago, Shrow said:

A) Go into the Arena's basement

Why avoid Putin?

You walk down into the basement, and call “Putin? Putin?”

”WHAT?” Another voice responds back, from around the corner, “You should know I’m prepping, whatever member of my staff you must be!” Putin says, because language barrier? I hardly know her!

”But, sir Putin,” you say, realizing you have a chance since he assumes you’re a member of his staff.

”It’s just-“

A) As your secret bodyguard, we need to flee, now. Constantinople is ordering your assassination, and their assassins are here. We have to move.

B)  It’s me, one of your many secretaries! You have so many papers to sign and such, meetings to attend, yet you’re off in Bulgaria fueling your Judo addiction! I’m worried about you!

C) Staff!? Staff!? I am your favorite mistress, how could you forget me!?!? I was hoping we could go out tonight instead of you spending all your time doing judo... hmph.

D) I was wondering if anyone ordered a pizza. I don’t know you.

E) Someone in the city streets is rioting for you to go challenge him in Judo!! He swears he can beat you! This is a slight upon your honor!!!

[Benice]

D)

You explain to Putin about how you ordered pizza dfrom Liza & Ishtore's Jugdrali pizza in Hawaii. He gasps, and THE ROOF EXPLODES AS A HELICOPTER DESCENDS THROUGH, LOWERING A ROPE!

"Your pizza will be mine! MEN, STOP THEM FROM LEAVING!" Putin yells, entering the helicopter.

Do you:

A) Run away and escape Russia

B)  Try to board the departing Helicopter

C) Attempt to make it to Hawaii to get your pizzabefore Putin can

D)Fight the random guys who will probably show up if yu stay hre long enough

E) Pretend to bePutin.

[Jotari]

8 hours ago, Sooks said:

Putin says, because language barrier? I hardly know her!

You know I actually considered this. Given the region and the fact that we're Moldovian, it's highly likely Russian has been the language we've been using to communicate this entire time.

8 hours ago, Benice said:

B)  Try to board the departing Helicopter

You swiftly climb up the rope after Putin. He seems surprised by this decision, which gives you a chance to sucker punch him in the face. Unfortunately he retaliates pretty quickly and your Judo skills are no match for us (wait, did you even watch the DVD yet or just buy it?). He kicks you out of the helicopter. You try to grab onto the rope on the way down, but that just causes some nasty rope burn, you're forced to let go. But by now the helicopter has left the arena, you find yourself right in the middle of the black sea again. There is no land in sight (despite his superior skills, you were able to hold out against Putin for quite a long time to bring you here). But what's that in the distance? It's a boat. And you recognize the flag they're sailing. It must be...

A) Reptor, your trecherous crew mate.

B) Merlinus, your cowardly sidekick.

C) Joj, your dad, who you reckon would be quite disappointed in how much you've manage to not become a man thus far.

Edited December 17, 2020 by Jotari

[AnonymousSpeed]

55 minutes ago, Jotari said:

You know I actually considered this. Given the region and the fact that we're Moldovian, it's highly likely Russian has been the language we've been using to communicate this entire time.

CYKA EMBLYAT

56 minutes ago, Jotari said:

A) Reptor, your trecherous crew mate.

You are hauled back aboard your original boat by your disloyal crew. You immediately pick a fight with the captain.

"Reptor, you traitorous big!"
"Aye matey, ye better watch ye tongue unless ye want it cut out of ye. I would ransom ye back to Joj for a hefty bit of booty, but as a fellow lover of pineapple on pizza, I be honor bound to aid ye in ye goals. With the power of the Crusader Thrud and his weapon Mjolnir, I shall help ye secure ye pizza against Vladimir Putin."

A) You decide to outwardly trust Reptor completely and set sail for Liza & Ishtore's Jugdrali Pizza

B) You decide to outwardly distrust Reptor completely and attempt a counter-mutiny

C) You ask to chart a course for Istanbul instead

D) You decide to jump back into the sea and swim to Constantinople, which you refuse to call Istanbul

E) You ask to be dropped off at home, finding the pirate life unsuitable for you

[Sooks]

10 hours ago, Benice said:

D)

You explain to Putin about how you ordered pizza dfrom Liza & Ishtore's Jugdrali pizza in Hawaii. He gasps, and THE ROOF EXPLODES AS A HELICOPTER DESCENDS THROUGH, LOWERING A ROPE!

"Your pizza will be mine! MEN, STOP THEM FROM LEAVING!" Putin yells, entering the helicopter.

The idea with that choice was that you pretend to be the pizza delivery guy, but I admire your creativity.

2 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

A) You decide to outwardly trust Reptor completely and set sail for Liza & Ishtore's Jugdrali Pizza

Since trekking across all of Asia isn’t the most  efficient way of travel, especially when Putin probably has teleportation or something or other, you decide to speed back to Moldova, hoping to get a jet to Hawaii. Since you are famous as the heir to the Joj clan, you have no trouble getting back to your father to request a private jet, and with the way Reptor follows you, everyone can tell he is your companion.

”Father, I have embarked on a quest of true manhood. I need to get to Hawaii immediately to stop the evil crusade of Vladimir Putin against the most masculine substance of all, the divine food of the heavens! Will you aid me in this task? My companion and I would like a jet  to Hawaii.” You say as you enter the Joj clan hideout, spotting your father.

”Hawaii...? Is that some town just outside of Constantinople? Sure then, whatever. Just take it back and bring me Putin’s head! FOR HONOR!!!!!” He responds, unknowing that the chances of you succeeding at a mission are slim to none.

Soon you and your ally Reptor are speeding through the sky, in the most reputable Joj jet, with the most reputable Joj pilots. After talking of how Putin’s crusade against pineapple pizza must be stopped for an astonishing amount of time. It is clear to the both of you that Putin plans to eliminate pineapple on pizza from the world. Eventually, Reptor remarks that there’s only water as far as the eye can see, looking out the window. You’ve made it to the pacific.

”Which is why I’m sorry to inform ye, that ye die here. A shame too, Hawaii is quite beautiful.” Reptor says, getting up from his chair and reaching into his front pocket. He pulls out a monocle, which he dons immediately. “Members of our cult are everywhere matey, and we will stop ye.”

You don’t even know what he plans to do, but glaring into that monocle, you know he must be stopped. You leap up from your seat as well and

A) Throw your chair at him to defend yourself and grab some time.

B) Kick the table forward into him.

C) Call for help from the pilots.

D) Beg for your life.

E) Throw your chair at the window and then learn to fly.

[Benice]

8 minutes ago, Sooks said:

D) Beg for your life.

You fall on your knees as Reptor advances.

"Please! Someone! ANYONE!"

Reptor pcks up a chair and raises it above his head, attempting to end you.

And just as things look at their worst...Nugget the chicken tycoon answers your prayers!

"Normally I'd not be inclined to assist in such frivolous matters," she states, flying in through the window amongst a cloud of 100-dollar bills, "But you have good taste in pizza, and I won't let these dumbclucks stop you from enjoying it. Now fly, fly!" Nugget turns to face Reptor, bellowing "YOU. SHALL. NOT. PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

While Nugget is yelling, do you:

A) Escape towards Hawaii in the Nuggetenator, a sea-doo emblazoned with pictures of Nugget and wings,

B) Pick up the bills that Nugget flew in with,

C) Help her fight Reptor,

D) Check out the karaoke machine you swore you saw  in the back of the plane a few minutes ago.

[Jotari]

1 hour ago, Benice said:

B) Pick up the bills that Nugget flew in with,

You're pirate lust for money compels you to pick up the bills at the expense of all else. But while these look like ordinary (Australian) dollar bills, they are in fact magical flying bills. You find yourself suddenly outside of the jet on a smaller cloud of bills of your own. The cloud is hard to control at first, and all you can see below you is ocean with no where to land. You have no choice but to fly in a random direction hoping you can gain better control of your flight path. Eventually you see land in the distance. But just then there's a great boom as you are hit by a ballistic missile. Your cloud of money is disintegrated, but its divine powers managed to protect you. Only one bill remains, which you grasp on to to slow your fall. You land in what appears to be a military base. Once again you see a flag you recognize. By gods, you're in Japan!

You managed to land in an unoccupied part of the military base, but it seems they are in high alert and are searching to find the wreckage of the mysterious object they shot down (ie, you). This will take all your best sneaking skills. But all you know of sneaking comes from pop culture. You will have to imitate what you've seen others do. So you decide to sneak around the base like

A) Solid Snake

B) Gaius (From Fire Emblem Awakening)

C) Vegeta

D) The T-Rex from Jurassic Park.

[AnonymousSpeed]

21 minutes ago, Jotari said:

C) Vegeta

You've seen a few YouTube poops about Dragon Ball Z, so you figure you've got this in the bag. You puff out your chest and march forward like a cocky prick, but after several minutes of walking through a desert (which you assume is the only setting in Dragon Ball Z), the Japanese military surrounds you with their rifles raised, screaming at you in that weird Dragon Ball Z language which you don't understand. Time to act tough, which is what you think Vegeta would do. How to go about it, though?

A) Walk out with such swagger and confidence that they dare not interrupt you

B) Stare down your attackers and say the only thing you can in Japanese- "Omae Wa Mou Shindeiru"

C) Kamehameha

Edited December 17, 2020 by AnonymousSpeed

[Sooks]

6 hours ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

A) Walk out with such swagger and confidence that they dare not interrupt you

Under normal circumstances you WOULD already be dead, but the way you casually strut forward, weaponless, causes the soldiers to hesitate. You pull out the singular bill you kept from the aid of Nugget, and show it to the closest guy. He faints. The second nearest guy, however, gets down on one knee and says, “Nugget...... the chicken tycoon.” which is the first thing you could understand this whole time! But anyway, all the other soldiers lower their weapons and bow as well. A few say more in their language, but it becomes apparent you cannot understand them. But you need to get out of here. So you try to communicate by

A) Saying gibberish and hoping it’s Japanese.

B) Trying to symbolize a boat by laying out one hand and having your other one do a slithering motion over it, laying vertically.

C) Taking your one bill and making it rain (but with just that bill) because you want money

D) Scream “HAWAIIIIIIIII PIZZAAAAAAAAAA!!!”

E) Screw communication, just run while they’re planning on not killing you.

[Shrow]

38 minutes ago, Sooks said:

D) Scream “HAWAIIIIIIIII PIZZAAAAAAAAAA!!!”

You can't speak Japanese but everyone can understand the language of pizza.

The Soldiers gathered around in awe as the very words of power flowed through their ears. Like orchestra of encouragement they raise their fist in the air proud to hear those words, cheering and jumping for joy.

A captain approaches you, wiping a tear away from his eye. He puts a hand on your shoulder and says "We ah goinga toh Hawaii!". You don't actually understand English but the Hawaii part is all you needed to hear. The captain readies his men for Hawaii, he shows the military hangar for a new vassal, he gestures with his hand all the available options.

A) A Gundam

B) One of the Metal Gear's

C) The Power Ranger suits

D) A Battleship (but its an anime girl)

E) Several rows of Magical Girl outfits