SF's "Write Your Butt Off!" Writing Competition XV - Voting Thread

[Anacybele]

Wow guys, calm the fuck down.

This competition isn't about winning, one-upping anyone, or who's a terrible writer or not. I made this competition so people could be motivated to write more, especially if you're like me and have been down in motivation, and hopefully to improve and put their work out there for others to see. That's it. In the long run, you only "win" if you got something out of the experience and if you feel you've improved or been motivated.

Oh, I understand this, Sangyul. But I don't feel motivated or improved anymore, sadly.

I enjoyed it!

You're not as bad as you're making yourself sound atm.

Thanks, though you're the only person that did. But it's better than nobody, I have to admit.

[Shin]

Remember, this competition is about being able to express and share ideas in a group, the winning thing is only to decide who hosts the next round. What's more important is putting your work in front of other people, and being able to accept what they have to say about it. Progress isn't linear, nor is it tied to who gets whatever votes, the important thing is to understand yourself as a writer and where improvements can be made.

[Magical Glace]

Oh, I understand this, Sangyul. But I don't feel motivated or improved anymore, sadly.

Thanks, though you're the only person that did. But it's better than nobody, I have to admit.

Hey now, try having a little sister like mine. She's an extremely talented writer, far more talented than I could ever hope to be. But I enjoy it as a hobby regardless.

You improved quite a bit from your last entry, since it actually snagged my vote this time, whereas last time it was a mere runner up for it! That means something, yeah?

[Anacybele]

Hey now, try having a little sister like mine. She's an extremely talented writer, far more talented than I could ever hope to be. But I enjoy it as a hobby regardless.

You improved quite a bit from your last entry, since it actually snagged my vote this time, whereas last time it was a mere runner up for it! That means something, yeah?

I wish I did have a sister, honestly... You're lucky.

And yeah, you have a point there. Thanks. :)

Remember, this competition is about being able to express and share ideas in a group, the winning thing is only to decide who hosts the next round. What's more important is putting your work in front of other people, and being able to accept what they have to say about it. Progress isn't linear, nor is it tied to who gets whatever votes, the important thing is to understand yourself as a writer and where improvements can be made.

Yeah, you know what, you're right, Shin. Sorry about getting all upset, guys. And I did promise that I'd try to write something better next time (if I like the theme and can come up with an idea for it that is), so I'll honor it! ^^

[Jotaro Kujo]

@Jotaru Kujo:

My original entry was going to be on a deaf-mute. I like the inclusion of that person and the one-eye blind man in your story.

I would have liked more backstory or continuation on what was going on, like what Dragoncat said. I got the Gax/apostles thing but I wanted to know more (which is a good thing; it means I was interested).

It reads more as an excerpt from a whole bigger story that you have going on. Is that what this is or is this supposed to be a one-shot?

Yes, it is a excerpt and now I realize it was a mistake to do that while keeping in all the backstory. I was fumbling with writer's block when I wrote my entry so I guess that had a hand in it. In later contests if I do excerpts I will do better to isolate it from the entire thing so it doesn't leave people confused/wanting more

Though it does make me happy that people were interested in it enough to want more, I was losing faith in the story for a while

[eclipse]

It is about having fun, you're right. But it's not fun being told that your story is basically bad. It's also not fun losing to everyone else. It's not that I want to win all the time, it's that I want to be thought of as a good writer, which is obviously not the case if people aren't enjoying my contest entries. Although, I definitely wouldn't mind being able to run one of these contests either (and no, I don't want to just be handed the privilege, I want to earn it).

Look at where you are now, and be honest about it. Writing isn't a destination, it's a journey, and it'll be full of bumps, pitfalls, and frustration. However, if you can take away ways to improve your writing, you would've gained far more from this contest than winning it! I admire your spirit, and I want to see just how far you can take yourself!

I'll give my critiques of everyone, as well as a little something else, when this contest ends in 50 minutes.

[blah the Prussian]

Don't be so hard on yourself. This is all about improvement. It was not a chore too read what you wrote.

[eclipse]

We have a winner in Jotaro Kujo! If you have any questions, bug Boron. If you need either of these threads updated, bug Boron (or me). Now, onto what I promised, which was critiques!

---

Glaceon - Spirit sensing is NOT what I expected, and this is a good thing! I think this one's a lot better than your previous entry on premise alone, but as usual, I don't have the Zelda knowledge to fully enjoy it.

Dragoncat - You did put a failing sense in there, but it felt more like an afterthought. I adore pets, and that Rainbow Bridge poem will turn me into a soppy mess (read: unable to end the competition).

Anacybele - Your piece is. . .conflicted, to put it best. The beginning's solid. I'm fond of Sara's personality and physical description. Kiel being morose about his appearance is exactly what I'd expect from someone whose mind is still in shock. However, I think the logic behind him wanting to run away could be more along the lines of "but I can't fight like this, and since we're all warriors, I'm useless" or somethig to that effect. I also think you could've ended the story after Sara convinces Kiel to come back. Kiel can have his own spotlight in a future story when he tries to adjust to life with one eye~!

Snowy_One - A journal for a prompt like this is. . .daring, to say the least. It makes me wonder whether or not a lack of taste caused her to go insane!

Dual Dragons - I could see this as some sort of darkish story aimed at young adults. I like the segue from seeing to blind, and the sense I got is that life will go on, even if you don't want it to. If I had a vote, this would be one of them.

Jotaro Kujo - Just enough background to be interseting, just enough detail to make your characters sound not-quite-human, and plenty of detail regarding one physical disability to another! I'd love to see more of this world! If I had a vote, this would be the other one.

---

The purpose of this prompt was perspective. Can you see through the eyes of the main character, and write things as if they were deprived of something that most people take for granted? If I'm willing to give other people a prompt, I should be able to write something for it. . .which I did. Like my last entry, this was thrown together in a very short amount of time, so it's essentially a draft. Here it is:

Title: A Quiet Evening

Fandom: None

Words: ~1600

Summary: See the title. No magic, no fantasy, just a quiet evening.

"That should do it." Lance gently squeezed Cheryl's hand, as she lay back down on the stack of pillows he'd made earlier. She sniffed a bit, and sneezed.

"How much laundry detergent did you use?!" she blurted out. Her eyes widened when she saw Lance look away. "Oh, um. . .thanks for doing the laundry, honey."

"I'll get it right next time," he said softly. He gently stroked her cheek, and hoped she'd forgive him when she saw half a bottle of missing detergent. She shot him a warm smile, her cerulean eyes sparkling. This was the woman he'd fell in love with fifteen years ago.

"All right. I wrote up instructions for Timmy's dinner in the blue notebook on the bed. He needs to be in bed by nine, and he absolutely must take a bath before bed!" Lance gave Cheryl a quick peck on the forehead, before turning to leave, notebook in hand. "Oh, and honey?" He turned towards Cheryl, whose nose was wrinkled.

"You need to take a bath before bed, too."

---

"Cook the meat until it's brown," Lance mumbled to himself. His wife's impeccable handwriting seemed to be adamant about cooking the meat thoroughly. "When the meat sizzles, and steam rises, add the jar of spaghetti sauce."

A familiar voice echoed down the halls, into the kitchen. "DAAAAAAD!!! I need help!"

"Just a minute!" Lance yelled back. He popped open the jar, and emptied the contents into the pot. A few spoon swishes later, and the sauce was incorporated into the meat. With his task complete, Lance flew up the stairs. His son sat amidst several worksheets, each and every one full of fractions. Timmy's school-given yellow T-shirt was stained brown, and his chocolate brown hair reflected the light in his room a little too well.

"Why does 2/4 + 3/4 equal 5/4 and not 5/8?" the distraught boy asked, his green eyes piercing into Lance's haze ones. In reply, Lance tore a blank page out of one of the notebooks on his son's desk, and used a nearby scissors to cut the sheet into two equal parts. He folded both pieces of paper into quarters, and lay them out.

"There's four small squares on this piece of paper, right?" Timmy nodded silently in response. "What's the name of the fraction that represents this small square?"

"Uhhh. . ." Lance sighed at his son's response, and tore another blank sheet out of the notebook.

"Fractions represent parts. We know there's four small squares in that part, so it's represented like this." He drew a short horizontal line, and wrote the number "4" underneath it. "And this lone square is only one of the four." He wrote the number "1" above the horizontal line. "The top number is 'how many squares do I have', and the bottom number is 'how many squares does it take to make a full sheet of paper'".

"So that's what one-fourth means?" Timmy asked, eyes wide.

"Yes. What happens if I want these squares?" Lance continued, pointing to two of the smaller squares.

"There's still four squares total, but now you want two, so like this?" Timmy wrote out "2/4" on the scratch paper.

"Very good!"

"So that means 3/4 is three little squares!" the boy continued, writing furiously.

"The problem asks for 2/4 and 3/4. Here, mark off two small squares on this one." Timmy obediently placed a dot on two of the squares. "How would 3/4 look on this one?" Lance asked, offering the second folded-up paper.

"Like this!" the boy replied brightly, placing dots on three of the small squares.

"How many dots do you have in all?"

"Five! But what about the bottom number?"

Lance wrinkled his brow. "The squared didn't change size, right? As long as the squares are the same size, the bottom number stays the same."

"So the bottom number always stays the same?"

Lance opened his mouth to reply, but was interrupted by another voice. "HONEY, DID YOU LEAVE THE STOVE ON?" Father and son briefly exchanged a glance before both of them left the room and ran down the stairs.

---

"I, uh, don't think it's supposed to look like that," Timmy commented, as Lance furiously scraped the sides of the pot.

"I'll eat this," Lance replied dejectedly, looking at his creation. The sauce in the middle looked salvageable, but the inside of the pot was lined with black sludge.

"Sorry," Timmy whispered. "But it's okay, I can eat the stuff in the middle, since this is sort of my fault," he continued. Lance breathed a sigh of relief.

"She said she wanted me to cook spaghetti, and I still need to cook the noodles," Lance mused.

"The package of spaghetti noodles will tell you how much water to use," Timmy read off to his father.

"Don't you have homework that you need to finish?" Lance asked sternly.

"Can I bring it down here? That way, you won't burn the water!" Before Lance could answer, Timmy dashed up the stairs.

"Burn water? Have I really done that?" the man asked himself. Timmy's hasty footsteps echoed down the stair well, as the boy spread his work over the kitchen table.

"So I just add the top numbers and keep the bottom number the same? This should be easy! I'll be done before dinner!" As Timmy started writing, Lance consulted his wife's words. "Make enough pasta for three servings, but add a bit more if you're really hungry." Lance consulted the pot of barely-edible sauce, then the package of pasta, which supposedly served four. Without a second thought, he measured four quarts of water, and set it to boil.

"With 5/8 - 3/8, I start with five pieces, then take away three?" Timmy asked. Lance looked up from his wife's notes, and nodded.

"Yes, it's just like a pie. Or a quiche." Lance reached into the refrigerator, and pulled out the quiche that Cheryl had bought right before she'd gone in to surgery a week and a half ago. "See how it's cut into eight pieces? Hey, what's wrong?"

Timmy held a hand over his nose and mouth, and glared at the offending quiche. "Dad, that's gross! It needs to be thrown away!" Lance looked at his son, then the quiche, and shrugged. He tossed the quiche into the garbage bag, and made a mental note to take out the trash.

"Oh, the water's boiling!" Lance exclaimed. He quickly washed his hands, then threw the entire bag of pasta into the water. "Dinner should be ready in fifteen minutes!" he yelled to his wife.

---

Lance doled out his son's portion, and prepared his wife's plate. He carefully traversed the stairs, and laid out utensils, dinner, and a cup of water. "Here. This part shouldn't be too burnt."

Cheryl took a tentative bite. Her lips pursed for a brief moment. She took the water and downed half of it. "Thank you for making dinner," she said softly. "I'll be back on my feet next week, so you'll be able to relax."

"Take it easy, sweetheart," Lance whispered, stroking her hair. She replied with a warm smile.

"All right. But don't forget to eat, okay?" The two let their gazes linger on each other for a moment longer before Lance reluctantly went back downstairs.

"Dad, your food's gonna get cold!" Timmy complained. The boy's plate was half-empty, as was his cup of milk.

"It's still good for me," Lance playfully retorted, as he took a bite of his portion. The noodles were mushy, with water oozing from every bite. They were perfect, compared to the sauce he'd tried to make. Part of it stuck to his teeth, while other parts were painfully thin. The meat was tough and chewy, something that Lance didn't expect out of ground beef. The water he'd poured for himself did little to clean the sludge off of his teeth.

"Thanks for dinner!" Timmy said, as he quickly vacated his seat. Homework in hand, the boy ran up to his room.

"Don't forget to take a shower!" Lance yelled after him.

---

The dishes were done in half an hour, except for the sauce pot, which Lance submerged under soapy water. He tucked Timmy in (after Cheryl made him retake his shower), walked the offending quiche and other garbage outside, and idly poured soap onto his wash cloth. His wife had insisted that he use a liquid soap, so he could see how much he was using at a time.

Cheryl looked up as Lance walked into the bedroom. "Mmmm, you smell nice," she said, as Lance wiggled in next to her.

"I guess I finally got the right amount of soap down," he replied, gently nuzzling her shoulder.

"Did you use the stuff in the green bottle?"

Lance stared at the ceiling for a few moments, before looking at her again. "I think so?"

His answer was met with a giggle. "No wonder you remind me of summertime peaches! Next time, use the gray bottle. The green one is my soap."

[Jotaro Kujo]

Congrats to everyone who participated, I enjoyed reading through the entries! I'm going to go ahead and put up this week's prompt early cause I know it takes a while to write stuff and I would like to let others have a chance. Please be aware that the contest doesn't officially start until Monday though, so if you complete your story before Monday, don't post it until then.

This week's prompt is: A character's weapon suddenly has the ability to speak to them and others; how do people react to this? (Optional: how does this affect how the character uses the weapon in battle?)

Things you can do: Any weapon. It's fine to get creative! You can have the weapon communicate however you want. It's also fair game to have a weapon talk through a character, because they're still communicating with people. You can use original characters or preexisting characters.

Your constraints are: You cannot use a weapon that already has some way of communicating, no matter how the communication is done. However, if you want to use an existing character who hallucinated that their weapon was communicating with them or it was in a dream (and the character's weapon can't communicate through dreams) then that's fair game. You also can't write a backstory for how the character met the weapon, even if it's not explained in canon. If you have a question about this topic, feel free to ask in this thread or shoot me a PM and I'll get back to you ASAP.

The round ends on May 2nd, at 12:00AM EST. Click here to see how much time you have left!

Good luck to all the potential contestants!

Edited April 23, 2015 by Jotaro Kujo

[Anacybele]

Anacybele - Your piece is. . .conflicted, to put it best. The beginning's solid. I'm fond of Sara's personality and physical description. Kiel being morose about his appearance is exactly what I'd expect from someone whose mind is still in shock. However, I think the logic behind him wanting to run away could be more along the lines of "but I can't fight like this, and since we're all warriors, I'm useless" or somethig to that effect. I also think you could've ended the story after Sara convinces Kiel to come back. Kiel can have his own spotlight in a future story when he tries to adjust to life with one eye~!

"To put it best?" I...don't really like the sound of that.

But at least I seem to know how to do good characters. I still have to disagree that the fight shouldn't have been there though. I feel the piece would've been much worse and I'd be deleting the character development I gave Kiel. Like I said before, this part was to show how he fully regains his confidence himself as both a person and a warrior and starts becoming a stronger person than ever before.

Although, if there was something else I could've done instead of the fight, please, let me know! It might be useful advice for future writing.

[blah the Prussian]

To clarify, having the fight was fine. It just didn't feel natural for Sara to put honor above her brother's health.

[Dual Dragons]

Dual Dragons - I could see this as some sort of darkish story aimed at young adults. I like the segue from seeing to blind, and the sense I got is that life will go on, even if you don't want it to. If I had a vote, this would be one of them.

Thanks. I'm happy I would have had your vote if you could.

I could see that's how it could have been interpreted. I like this interpretation. :)

[Anacybele]

To clarify, having the fight was fine. It just didn't feel natural for Sara to put honor above her brother's health.

I explained why I had Sara do what she did. Did you accidentally miss it?

[eclipse]

"To put it best?" I...don't really like the sound of that.

But at least I seem to know how to do good characters. I still have to disagree that the fight shouldn't have been there though. I feel the piece would've been much worse and I'd be deleting the character development I gave Kiel. Like I said before, this part was to show how he fully regains his confidence himself as both a person and a warrior and starts becoming a stronger person than ever before.

Although, if there was something else I could've done instead of the fight, please, let me know! It might be useful advice for future writing.

Okay~!

It's hard to explain - Sara/Kiel as characters were good, and the first bit where they were talking was well done. However, they're then thrown into a fight that completely ignores the wonderful characterization that was given to them earlier, and the segue is extremely rough.

Don't be afraid to end things on the note of "the future is unknown, but I'm willing to step into it". If you wanted to illustrate Kiel before his talk and after, in terms of physical characteristics, you could write in how he got to the lake (no doubt running into trees and tripping over things), and then have him race Sara back to the barracks, with less mishaps than before. I think it would be enough to jump-start his confidence, especially if it's a close race back!

[Etria]

Ana, I know that it can hurt if no one gives you a vote or a review, but you have to remember that writing is also about personal taste. You found your audience on deviantart and ff.net (and maybe somewhere else); you gave those people what they liked and they praised you for it. But the audience isn't the same on every site. If for some reason the reaction of one site is different than that of another, it doesn't mean that your writing is objectively bad and all those other people are liars. It just means that the general audience of the first site has a different taste. Like some people like John Green's works and others hate them with the passion of a thousand suns.

I guess being a writer/lover of freaking rare pairings/characters is sometimes advantageous.

[blah the Prussian]

I explained why I had Sara do what she did. Did you accidentally miss it?

Yeah, I get that it was for pride, and to restore confidence. To be fair, the Laguz culture values honor and strength more than we do, so it would probably make sense in their culture. Still, I have a hard time believing that she wouldn't help. I just can't see a restoration of confidence being worth the risk against bandits who wouldn't hesitate to kill. It would have made more sense, IMO, if it was against bullies, or another group that wouldn't resort to murder.

[Anacybele]

Er, she was helping. There were four laguz bandits total, and while Kiel fought the leader and one of them, Sara was holding off the other two.

Farkas: Yeah, I'm aware of that. I didn't expect to win or anything because I know the laguz are hated here (really, it seems like me and Dcat are the only ones here that love them...). But I never thought I'd get last place with only one vote...

Edited April 25, 2015 by Anacybele

[blah the Prussian]

Er, she was helping. There were four laguz bandits total, and while Kiel fought the leader and one of them, Sara was holding off the other two.

Farkas: Yeah, I'm aware of that. I didn't expect to win or anything because I know the laguz are hated here (really, it seems like me and Dcat are the only ones here that love them...). But I never thought I'd get last place with only one vote...

Oh yeah, sorry. Some things slip my mind. On another note, are Laguz really hated here?

[eclipse]

Oh yeah, sorry. Some things slip my mind. On another note, are Laguz really hated here?

Not really. I don't write about them because it's a hell of a lot of work to get into that mentality - one that I think will do my character justice.

[blah the Prussian]

I mean to be fair the Laguz are basically arguing that military dictatorship is a good system, which is problematic, but I don't see it brought up much.

[Anacybele]

I thought they were hated because I've seen a lot more hate for them here than I've seen love. People say they dislike the laguz because they're terrible units or the laguz royals are too broken or something. Which are somewhat fair arguments, the laguz royals ARE broken and a couple normal laguz do suck (Lyre, for example), but I think they're awesome because they can transform into cool-looking animals! And Ranulf is one of my favorite FE characters. <3

Edited April 25, 2015 by Anacybele

[Dragoncat]

I thought they were hated because I've seen a lot more hate for them here than I've seen love. People say they dislike the laguz because they're terrible units or the laguz royals are too broken or something. Which are somewhat fair arguments, the laguz royals ARE broken and a couple normal laguz do suck (Lyre, for example), but I think they're awesome because they can transform into cool-looking animals! And Ranulf is one of my favorite FE characters. <3

Those people are no fun. I might be wrong, but I'm pretty sure sucky or broken non shapeshifting units still get love in the fandom. So why should laguz be any different?

And just because they're broken/sucky doesnt mean they shouldn't be in fanart/fanfics...

[Sunwoo]

This is not the appropriate place to be having this discussion. If you guys want to talk about how you feel laguz are hated, please create a new thread to do so. And Ana I highly doubt the reason your story didn't get so many votes is because people hate laguz or whatever.

You know it's time to nip arguments in the bud when you have a dream about having to disqualify Ana for submitting her competition entry in numbers.

Edited April 26, 2015 by Sunwoo

[Dragoncat]

Right, sorry...

[Sunwoo]

The voting phase for cycle 3 is up.

Link to the entries for this round.

You may vote for your top two favorite entries.

EDIT: If the poll is broken again, holler at me.

Edited May 6, 2015 by Sunwoo