eclipse Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 Runoff voting. May extend the deadline instead, seeing as there's three people total and five votes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blah the Prussian Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 I suppose I could change my vote to one of the two front runners, if that would help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonymousSpeed Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 That might be beneficial, yes. I'll at least know I kinda got the one vote, but it would also be nice to actually have a winner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magical Glace Posted August 7, 2015 Share Posted August 7, 2015 I suppose I could change my vote to one of the two front runners, if that would help.That would help matters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kriemhild Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 (edited) Whee, time for reviews! As usual, all reviews here are highly subjective and any criticism provided is intended to be constructive. [spoiler=Snowy]Okay, first of all, I don't know if this is an original universe or an existing one, but there wasn't a lot of information about this world. In this case, this is both a good thing and a bad thing. It's good because you did an excellent job at getting the reader to appreciate the general story and the specific characters without having to convey too much background information. As somebody who is genuinely clueless about the world in your story, I have to say I'm really impressed by how I was able to grasp your story without having to read through unnecessary details. On the other hand though, cluelessness about the universe also means I have no idea how stuff works in this world. Like, for example, is it normal to just waltz into a parallel dimension and leave a shard of your soul in there? What is the extent of the abilities of the four good guys and Malcolm? Not knowing the world made me read the story with an "Anything Goes" mindset, which is probably why I couldn't really feel excited about reading the entry. In particular, a good chunk of the entry was dedicated to the action sequences, which I had a really hard time at immersing myself into. The details were clear, and I could visualize how everything was going, but it just didn't interest me much, which I suspect is partially due to me being ignorant about character capabilities. I say "partially", because I'm also not a fan of action sequences in purely written forms. There are some kinds of written action sequences that I like (such as when they involve mental analysis and strategies or when the writing style really strongly conveys the intensity of the situation), but this sadly doesn't really fall into those. Sorry, I know this is just my own subjective tastes, but the action sequences here were quite disappointing, and the fact that it dragged on for so long was kinda annoying for me. The dialogues in the action sequences helped me bear with it though. On that note, the dialogues on this entry are just really well-done everywhere. Like, seriously. I really started liking the characters Malcolm and Thyme almost entirely due to how you wrote their interactions with other characters, despite me not knowing those characters prior to reading this entry. You handled this really well, and I would strongly encourage you to try focusing on exploiting your dialogue writing skills in future entries (instead of long action sequences). As far as the story goes, I have to admit that though this is probably not what eclipse was expecting, it's definitely a creative interpretation of the prompt. While that's really good, the story itself is kinda lame. I'm seeing this more as a comedic entry than a serious story, which is probably how you intended it to be as well. In that case, I'd say you did a pretty good job of it! [spoiler=Glaceon]Mixing the protagonists of different games sounds like a cool idea, but I think there are some serious issues with the execution. The first section is fine, with four protagonists finding themselves as the only survivors, but after that it starts getting really awkward to read. It was just conversations and stuff happening with no real significance. Characters said stuff and their thoughts were also conveyed, but all of those felt like they were just information being provided to the reader (in very condensed forms, btw) and nothing else. Note, I'm not really familiar with the DQ universe since I haven't played any of its games (I did recognize the character names though), and this might be a factor as to why I couldn't enjoy this piece. However, you did imply (in the "stuff to say") that you designed the character personalities on your own, so lack of DQ knowledge shouldn't stop the reader from appreciating them. You should try to set the dialogues, interactions, and thoughts as being more reflective of each individual character's personality, as opposed to mostly providing information. The first-person writing was fine, but switching perspectives around can be annoying if it's not clarified early on as to whose perspective is being read at the time. Who was the guy that tracked down his mother? And the shift to Patrick's section was pretty awkward and felt really out of place. It didn't help that it was also the section that "concluded" the piece. As for the overall story, okay, there doesn't really seem to be much of a story here. Just a bunch of people gathering up to beat a bad guy with stuff happening. I assume from the spoiler caption and the "stuff to say" that you intended for this to be more of a comedic entry, but I honestly wasn't very amused by much of it at all. The story events didn't really flow very well at all; yes, even for a comedic entry, proper coherence is still important. Try to have a clear plan on what events you want to write, and make sure they connect to each other properly and fluidly to form a solid overall entry. Ensuring that the reader can follow the entry properly is critical to letting them appreciate all the humor tossed around. With respect to the prompt, I actually have no idea what this prophecy is. The "stuff to say" implied something about special blood or power, but still nothing about any prophecy. And the events in the story seemed to be focusing on just these characters interacting with each other, without much consideration for the context, so the prophecy seems kinda irrelevant to the story as well. Overall, I'd say the initial idea was interesting, but you ended up executing it quite poorly. Try to make the events more coherent to let the reader get into the flow of the story. Avoid making the dialogues and interactions act as unnecessary information sources and make them focus more on fleshing out character personalities. If you had more time to work on this entry, I think you could have made it work much better. [spoiler=Anon]This was a really good entry, I liked it a lot. It was only a single scene, mostly with the four siblings arguing, but the conversations flowed really well, and it was clear as to what was going on. The dialogues illustrated each individual character's personality really well and they were also very amusing and entertaining to read. I especially really like how you incorporated all the background information and the context into the story. I had no prior knowledge relating to the setting and characters before reading, but I was able to easily absorb the necessary information while reading without being detached from the flow of the conversation, which is especially impressive considering how fast-paced the conversation was. The necessary details were inserted at appropriate times in ways that didn't feel like unnatural info-dumps. The only weak part of the entry imo is the ending, on Miles' perspective. The transition from the fast-paced argument to Miles' spoken monologue felt quite awkward. And I think Miles expressing his opinion could have been handled better, since it's kinda weird how he's talking to himself for so long. With respect to the story, this also seems to be another comedic entry with really amusing conversations between the characters. At the same time, Miles' opinion at the end provides a very satisfying (for me, anyway) and appropriate resolution to the actual situation at hand. With respect to the prompt, this was a really straightforward implementation that worked out really well. My vote is going for Anon's entry. Although Snowy had the most creative implementation of the prompt, I found Anon's entry to have better character writing (Snowy's only did an excellent job with Malcolm and Thyme imo). Both of them were really amusing to read through, though Snowy's action sequence felt like it was just dragging on. Glaceon's entry was just really disappointing overall. I suppose I could change my vote to one of the two front runners, if that would help.I would not recommend this. If it ends with a tie, then the non-tied entries will be weeded out during the tiebreaker phase, and that's when you can vote for the better of the tying entries. Changing your vote to an entry that you don't think is the best out of the given options feels wrong, even if it facilitates the determination of the winner. Edited August 8, 2015 by Formina Sage Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonymousSpeed Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Great, now it's a three way tie. I am actually very amused. Snowy certainly did have an implementation I didn' expect, so...add that to to his qualifications. Along with the armor. Which I'm still stealing. As always, glad to entertain. Hm...I can see that point about the transition. I'll think on changing that, thanks for bringing it up. So, tie. What do we do about that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blah the Prussian Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Well, I don't think a THIS was what was intended... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy_One Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 The world was an OC, FYI. It had a Tales/Dragon Quest tilt but was OC through and through. Also, Thyme was the stand-out? Cool! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 OH VERY FUNNY. A three-way tie. Voting for the next rounds ends on August 9 at 9:00 PM or when I get home, whichever one happens second. If that STILL isn't enough to resolve the tie, I will do everything a host shouldn't and cast a vote. . .but I do NOT want to see one after the extension. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonymousSpeed Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 NooooooooooooooIlostBlah'svote. For shame, oh well, I suppose it saves Eclipse from having to vote. But I'd like her to vote anyway just to hear which story she liked the most/hated the least. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy_One Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 She can do that via review too, you know. I have respect for Eclipse so I'd like to hear her thoughts as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonymousSpeed Posted August 8, 2015 Share Posted August 8, 2015 Also true... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 NooooooooooooooIlostBlah'svote. For shame, oh well, I suppose it saves Eclipse from having to vote. But I'd like her to vote anyway just to hear which story she liked the most/hated the least. Check and check. . .but it'll have to wait when I'm not a giant pile of pudding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magical Glace Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 Oh great. Right when we escaped the tie, we're back to a tie! ...welp. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonymousSpeed Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 If Blah moved his vote back to mine, it would be Glac's story which wins. Iunno, he can keep his vote were he likes. Who am I to command a Prussian? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy_One Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 We really should try to keep vote moving to a minimum you know. I could just as easily shift my vote to Speed as well Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunwoo Posted August 9, 2015 Author Share Posted August 9, 2015 Honestly, I prefer that people NOT move their votes once they have placed them, even if there are ties. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 . . .and tie again. Gotta read your stuff. Expect a verdict within half an hour (unless someone ELSE votes, pretty please). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kriemhild Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 Honestly, I prefer that people NOT move their votes once they have placed them, even if there are ties.^This. I think blah should move his vote back to Anon's entry, unless he genuinely had a change of opinion and re-evaluated Snowy's as being better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 You guys want me to give blah a chance to show up and move his vote? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magical Glace Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 I think it would be better if I didn't host this round, because I'm going to New York today. If I'm named the winner, then I would like to reserve a round or something. But hosting this time is inconvenient for me tbh. On vote changing: I think it's fine so long as the voter did not participate in that round. Like, I can't change my vote to Anon because that would put me in the lead, but blah comes from an un-self-esteem affected viewpoint in this case, so I see no issue with vote changing (though he did it to undo the old tie into Snowy's favor iirc) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnonymousSpeed Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 You remember correctly. If Blah moves his vote back though, and you reserve a round, it becomes a tie between Snowy and me, I, iunno. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy_One Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 I was about to let Glaceon win simply to be done with this thing, but if she's gone then that helps no-one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kriemhild Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 (edited) (I think Glaceon going to New York is a good situation for her to host the round, actually, since her hosting means she doesn't need to think about what to write for the round. And unless she ignored all the "Please prepare a possible prompt beforehand just in case you win" reminders, all she'd need to do is PM Clipsey/Boron the prompt and go to New York without worrying about this WriComn round) Edited August 10, 2015 by Formina Sage Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magical Glace Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 (I think Glaceon going to New York is a good situation for her to host the round, actually, since her hosting means she doesn't need to think about what to write for the round. And unless she ignored all the "Please prepare a possible prompt beforehand just in case you win" reminders, all she'd need to do is PM Clipsey/Boron the prompt and go to New York without worrying about this WriComn round)...Oh rite.I'm only going to be there a few days anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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