Saint Rubenio

Chapter 22, FE12/3 book 2. Chapter 21 is a pretty good map with multiple things to do (get the Starlight from Michalis, recruit him in FE12, final arena and statbooster secret shop), and 24 is a really good final map in my eyes (read, unlike half the other final maps in the series, it has more to it than "spend 2 turns pummeling the final boss" and is actually quite challenging). I can also give 23 a pass, despite it being rather bland (dragons and Sorcerers, dragons and Sorcerers), because Gharnef and the Aum had to be taken care of somehow, and if you're like me and don't like the chapter, it's extremely easy to warpskip. However, chapter 22 just shouldn't exist. It has no importance to the plot at all (if I recall correctly, both the opening and the ending of the chapter are "Lord Marth, more stairs!"), it cannot be warpskipped because the throne is inside a locked room, it's even more boring than chapter 23 (dragons and more dragons, with the occasional siege tome Sorcerer. At least in chapter 23, the narrow hallways made it harder to reach the Sorcerers before they could nuke your units, and there were multiple Sorcerers standing close to one another. Here, they are on their own and within Paladin range) and the only side objective is getting the treasure (the only new unit, Nagi, recruits herself at the beginning of the chapter), which, by the way, is painfully uninteresting (effective weaponery against dragons, if I'm not mistaken. Having the regalia and all the remaining effective weapons from the earlier dragon arc, these are just not worth the trouble). It's not even good for getting some experience, because it comes so late into the game! It's simply an unavoidable waste of time, and the main reason I usually skip 23. After the borefest that is 22, I just don't feel like going through 23. It's not quite as horrendous as FE6's chapter 24, but that one had a semblance of an excuse for its existance in Jahn's exposition. This one's the definition of "filler". And bad one, at that.

No, I'm sorry, the new update isn't up yet. It's just, I haven't laughed this hard at something in a while. I mean it. There's no way I was going to wait days before telling you that. My highest regards to you, Dayni. Please keep it up.

Father Wrys? Ah, hello, Lady Elen. How is your day going? Not bad, thank you... I'm just happy we haven't gotten into another fight yet. That might change at any moment, though... are you coping with everything all right? I think so. Thank you for your concern. I wanted to ask you a question. And what may it be? You've experience with staves, have you not? Why aren't you helping us? I'm not trying to offend you, I just... No offense taken, fret not. The truth is, I have been in far too many wars... I have taken many a wound. I have seen people die before my eyes. I have witnessed families be torn apart. Countries ruined. Villages razed to the ground. Misery. Tragedy. Despair. ... I will not just stand and watch as war rages on, but... I fear my body and especially my mind would not be able to take fighting in the frontlines again. I hope you can forgive me... Of course I forgive you! I... completely understand. I really do. Thank you. ...my, that got depressing quite fast, did it not? Here, have some tea and cookies! Thank you... Munch, munch. Part 18 - Man of manliness.

Here I thought I was the only one who thought that... although I prefer mocking his lack of facial expressions, Jayden's inability to open doors if you miss the QTEs, and Scott's... everything about Scott, really. I'll avoid further spoilers, but yeah. That said, however, I do not like Heavy Rain unironically, so love to mock it as I may, it's not a good answer to the OP's question. There's this old, rather obscure game called Indiana Jones and the Emperor's Tomb. When I was a kid, I used to joke with a cousin of mine, saying he looked like his father, and we started to call him "Indiana James". I also loved to take advantage of the game's many funny minor glitches, like the fact that doing an action right before pulling a level made it look like he was pulling it with his crotch. Sending Indy into one of the boss fights and laugh as I watched him be flung all over the place like a ragdoll by the boss was also great fun. The animations and sound effects in that game were so great, even losing was fun. For the longest time, I just replayed the same three/four levels over and over, beating everyone up because the fighting was (and is) absolutely amazing, and then killing myself in order to do it again. I'm not sure if it counts, but it's the closest thing to a game "I love to mock" I can think of, and, hey, I just wanted to talk about this game, because it's my dang childhood, and with all its quirks, I don't think it's aged badly at all. It's still a blast all the way through.

Part 17 - Son of Legace. Stupid story about me nobody cares about time! I'm still working on the name. Anyhow! The other day, I used that FE sorter some youtubers have been using lately to find out who are my favourite Archaneans. The result was this. It's pretty accurate, all things considered! Arran should be number 1 as well, and I would've put the Sabre Knights and Athena over Caeda, Wendell and Lorenz, and Nyna's too high but aside from that, it's a decent list. Try it out! It takes ages to finish these things (I tried with the whole series once. Never again, ended up quitting at Binding Blade), but it's fun enough. Now, for the replies...

Since his growths aren't that good, it'll help him match everyone else. I don't know what anybody else thinks, but with FE12's growths, I feel that giving the growth drop to most units is overkill. Only a few (like Matthis) can actually make good use of it.

Oof... Well, while the sheer hilarity of using Forgettable #1 and #2 would be great, I think Matthis's a more sensible choice. He arrives quite early, which gives him a slight chance at growing into something decent. Mercenary's a good early class for him, since it allows him to train his sword rank up a little, and a higher speed growth without sacrificing much in the way of stats. Although, he should hop back on his horse after a few levels (level 10, perhaps, but that's up to you). Will you be using the DLC items? If so, I highly recommend giving him the growth drop, though, since his growths are rather low for FE12's standards, but not so much that they wouldn't work even with a boost (Arran, Bantu).

Dear, dear, so many choices... I'll try to be reasonable. Use Frost, Tomas and Matthis. Sorry. As for the MU, let her be a female Archer, and no, I don't hate you.

Father Wrys! Yes, Sir Lance? Please forgive my bluntness, but... what in the world was that!? I can't stop thinking about it! I am afraid I do not follow... You vanished into thin air, and mere moments later, you returned carrying the injured Lord Roy, as if nothing had happened! Ah, that! Ho ho ho ho! You saved us, Father Wrys. But I must know... Oh, you "must"? Is somebody threatening to do you harm if you don't uncover my secrets? Of course not! Who would do such a thing?! The man who did your eye in, for instance. ...if you're implying I'm in cahoots with that wretched monster-- Relax, I am not implying anything. My apologies. I shall explain when the time comes. But it has not just yet. Be patient! All shall become clear in due time. ... Part 16 - Barnacles that blistered. My apologies, I couldn't think of a better title. Don't let it be a testament to the update's quality, though. More on that below. Even more apologies for the delay. I made the mistake of starting both Mother 3 and FE12 once more, as well as buying subnautica, training an amiibo to kick my friends' asses when they come over for some sm4sh, and going to driving school to get my license at long last (for those who were reading my first LP, yes, I failed. Got a problem with that?). To top it all off, the last update left me a little burnt out. I don't know about you, but rickrolls aside, I bored my ass off writing that one. Not this one, though. This one's much more interesting, in my humble opinion. But it's fine now. I'm finally going to be able to play FE6 again! Woohoo!

Oh, dear... that's not good... F-father Wrys! What are we to do? Lord Roy... he's... ...not yet. Please, leave me alone for a moment. I need some space... What?! Do as I say! Well, then... ...now, let's see... ...ah, perfect! I see I haven't lost my touch just yet. And now... TCHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII~ ...father Wrys...? Where did-- TCHEEEEEEEEEEEE~ Sorry? What?! Where did you come from-- ...wait, that's... Lord Roy! Sound the retreat. I didn't have the time to do it. I'll take care of Lord Roy. But, how... Does that matter now? Everyone else is still out there! Ah! Of course! At once, Father! ...dear me, maybe I should've chosen a more inconspicuous appearance... What would you have thought of this, Arran? Ah... I pray you're well. You, and the rest of Archanea. One day... Part 15 - Intense guys. I've recently started a new FE12 ironman run. Just for fun, I won't be bothering you with that one. I just wanted to share with you the fact that, since I picked the maniac difficulty... ...I lost everyone except Caeda and Cain. Ain't that great? And as of chapter 6, I have 18 units. Eighteen! But at least this time, I didn't get the world's shittiest MU. It's only the world's shittiest Pegasus Knight. She should be better as a Cavalier, though. Except she's worse than Rody and Matthis, but that's an unfair comparison. Matthis, after all, attained godhood. Anyway, that's all. Back to the topic at hand.

Use Barth and Bors as well as Wendy, and teach the enemy the true power of the Ostian triangle. As for the healer, Elen's pretty much the indisputably worst magic unit in the game, so go for her. That's because he is better than Lilina, having way better speed, which helps him dodge more reliably than Hector's heir, and joining with slightly better bases 5 chapters earlier. Lilina's fun to use, but she's definitely not optimal, and certainly not good enough to be excluded with the likes of Milady, Dieck and Rutger. My opinion is that Lilina should be replaced by Perceval in the list of excluded units. Perceval is an absolutely amazing unit, even in normal mode. In the sort of team you're aiming for, he'd stick out like a sore thumb. These are my humble opinions.

I guess you mean faux-Zyne? Although... Hm... no, sorry, I don't think that works. "How... this can't be happening!" I mean, I can't read japanese, but this guy is as generic as it gets. I assume it's something along those lines. He ain't dead, right? No harm done, then. She certainly is more competent than Echidna. And looks better, to boot! Raigh doesn't exist in this game, thus making this game automatically worse than Binding Blade. Now seriously, I'd really like to know how the creator explained this chick's presence here in the plot. I mean, she's supposed to die at Ilia. Either she pulled the "oh, no, I just retreated" BS, or in this scenario, Roy just went to Sacae, and this is all happening while Roy's busy killing Roartz. Fireemblem.jpg, again. With any luck, it should. Oh, no, that's not it, it's just that both Sergei and Toby are slow as snails in a sandstorm. Woohoo! Lookin' forward to it, as usual.

Part 14 - Joy. Jeez, I take a few more days than usual to push an update, and you guys start replying like machine guns! What happened?

... Father Wrys, we're about to move out. ...oh! Of course, my apologies, Sir Marcus. You look quite pensative... is something amiss? Quite on the contrary, I am just trying to figure out the best way to ensure nothing amiss comes to pass. I see... In any case, I am ready. Let us go give these pirates what for. Indeed! Part 13 - He of the skill. I don't know when it happened, but somebody deleted the messed up version of part 11, so I will no longer look like an incompetent, triple-posting buffoon, or I would, had I not made another post ranting about it and especifically asked for it not to be removed. Whoever you are, thanks for taking the time to do it!

There's going to be a delay on the next update. My fears of the last forum maintenance making me lose all my progress on the update were well-founded, so I'm going to have to write it all over. My apologies.

Please, both of you, try to remember... what happened, exactly? How many more times must I tell you this? One moment he was standing in front of me, about to be consumed by my spell, and the next he was behind me and Sid, striking Ruben in the head. Speaking of whom, where is the soldier, Sid? He ran off with Sir Marcus to try and find the spy. I see. What about you, Margaret? What happened when you found the spy? Same as father Wrys: we had him cornered, then I blinked, and he'd slaughtered my forces and wounded me. I don't even know why he spared me... ...he wanted to prove his power. To show you, in your last moments, that you stood no chance against him. Bastard... it's a good thing you came and rescued me. I guess that means we're even from the time you impersonated me. It was necessary. Had you not done it, I would've died today. I hold nothing against you or your friends. Hm... Where is Ruben? I've questions for him, as well. Lady Elen is with him. She said she'd come as soon as she could... I'm here, I'm here. How is he? Not too well... he will not die, but the wound left him very debilitated. ... Just a moment ago, however, he was feeling strong enough to answer the questions you wanted me to ask him. What did he say? Apparently, he just saw the spy charging at Sid with a blade he'd concealed within his doublet. "I figured he would be able to defend himself from such a fat, unfit man just fine", he said. By the time he realized Sid couldn't move, it was too late to do anything but jump in front of the blade. ... Oh, Sir Marcus! We didn't hear you come in. Did you find the spy? I'm sorry to say we did not. Wherever he is, it's not Ostia. ...and Sid? He headed for Ruben's quarters when we arrived. I assume he is there. I think I'll join him, if you'll excuse me. Of course. We, too, must leave. Yes, Sir Perceval requires our presence at Etruria. Rest assured, we'll continue our investigations when possible. Lord Roy is in the throne room, if you wish to speak to him before leaving. I think I will, thank you. Margaret, ready everything up for our departure. At once, General Cecilia! It is quite late, Miss Elen. You should probably retire to your chambers. I'll look after Ruben. I was about to do so, it's been a quite long day. Good night, father Wrys. Mm. ... Lady Elen. How is the tactician? Sir Marcus? He's sleeping now... he isn't bleeding too much anymore. I see... ...if you have no more to say, I'll beg your leave. I'm quite tired. It's quite understandable. Sleep well. ...he, of all people, would give his life to save a friend... perhaps I was rather mistaken about him... ...as a person. What sort of tactician would do that? Couldn't he have pushed the soldier out of the way? Part 12 - A very trustworthy person. I should probably mention, spoilers for Heavy Rain ahead. If anybody cares, yeah. Go beat Heavy Rain before reading this update.

Treck. Commander Jerrot. How is your head? It is fine... Treck, while you fought in the castle, I... found Noah. ... He did not survive the battle. ... ...I'm done for. It may not seem like much, but... this wound has debilitated me. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to lift a lance again. You are the last hope of our group. Please, Treck. Don't let Noah's death... and my sacrifice... be in vain. ...I won't, commander. Thank you, Treck. ...may I go back to my nap now? Of course. Go ahead. ... ...I'm sorry, Noah... your death could've been avoided... if only I hadn't been so weak... ...Commander? Don't worry about me, Treck. Keep on napping. It wouldn't do to be tired for the next battle. ... Part 11 - 300 pictures of training and boss fighting. (4th attempt at pushing the update without being a complete fucking moron)

You know, I really fucking hate myself sometimes. I go for two chapters splitting the updates up to make sure I can edit major fuck ups out, and the very second I go "well, I'm pretty sure this update is short enough", I make a big ass mistake and of course, I can't fucking edit it out. It's all the fault of the tiny ass edit window. Because it's so tiny, and the spoilers make it even tinier, it's literaly impossible to place anything below a big image or a quote inside the spoiler, which results in me fucking everything up every time I try to make a joke. God damnit all to hell. Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Blistering barnacles. I'll try to fix it now. But this double post is going to stay here to show the world that I am an idiot who can't edit worth beans. Urgh. EDIT: Oh, and as it turns out, I can't delete my posts. I mean, it's fair, I completely understand why that is, but that doesn't stop this from throwing some more salt in an already very salty wound. I'm pissed. Good night, everyone.

Part 10 - Spoooooooooooooooooooooky~

My apologies for the double post, but I forgot to do something and of course, the site won't let me edit the update. Small spoilers of the update ahead, although it's nothing to major. It'll mostly just make you go "oh, Ruben" if you read it.

Lance! The tactician! Where is th-- ...Lance? Lance! Urk... What in the world happened to you? I need to get a healer... I'm here! Lady Elen! Will he be fine? These wounds... dark magic. Will he make it? Answer me! ...yes, I'd say he will. Give me some time. Thank you, Lady Elen. I'm so sorry... if only I... You needn't apologize. You've saved my life two times now. Even if you couldn't save my eye... you've done more than enough for me. Sir Lance... While she took care of your injuries, I found your bandage. Here... ...thank you, Sir Marcus. Could you tell me what happened? Of course... 5 minutes ago Heheh... Rutger the Myrmidon... Clarine the Trobadour... Jerrot of the Ilian mercenaries... the elite of the Lycian army! They have no chance now... I just have to find a way to get rid of the Cleric... Sir. Lance. How is your eye? It doesn't hurt so much anymore, thank you. But that is not why I wanted to talk to you. What is it, then? I've sent your letter. My letter? What do you mean? Lady Elen gave me a letter. She wanted it sent to General Cecilia of Etruria. Its contents were... interesting, to say the least. ...so she sent it... even though I sounded the retreat, like she told me to... she still warned General Cecilia... Accursed honorless wench! She did not keep her word! She said she wouldn't send it! I'm going to break her apart! She will regret crossing me! That is all I need to see. In the name of Pherae and Lycia, I shall-- Out of my way, worm! I've no time for games! GUAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Guh... I must get out of here before the Etrurians arrive... Back to the present... Bastard! I knew something was wrong with him from the very second I met him. You seemed quite happy to take him in... Of course! I pretended to believe his lies! I felt his foul intent was obvious enough, but I wanted to get some proof to confronting him with... I see now, I was foolish... please forgive me, Lance. Your eye... I am to blame. Nonsense. None of us could've known. Let's just keep on moving. Nobody say a thing to Lord Roy. Not yet. He's under enough pressure as it is. That is a wise idea. Indeed. Let's keep this a secret for now. Part 10 - Idiocy.

Part 9 - Death galore! (part III)

Yes! Hahahahah! Die, all of you! Bring forth victory for the true saviors of mankind! GWAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAH! You! Foul man... I knew it! You are a servant of evil! Argh! You startled me, Lady Elen! I shall not stand for this! I will-- You will what, young lady? I will send a letter to Lady Cecilia of Etruria. She's already on her way here to help defeat the rebels. I'm sure she won't have a problem with taking care of you, as well. Accursed-- you have no idea what you're dealing with! Maybe so. But I can see it in your face... you cannot afford to make an enemy of Etruria. Not yet. ... ...very well, you win. Sir Marcus! Sound the retreat! Lord Roy has fallen! W-what?! Quickly, you must get him and the other wounded out of here! There might still be time... At once! How are you feeling, Lance? ...I'd say I'm fine, but I'd be lying. Don't worry about it, Lance. This wasn't your fault. Look, stay here at the camp. We'll go and-- No, Sir Marcus. I'd much rather go and fight. But... These wounds... they are grievous. But I can still fight. I can do this. One last battle for my liege... I want nothing more. ...I can't say I don't understand. Very well. But don't get ahead of yourself, please. I'm truly sorry. I am to blame for this. I'm ready for whatever punishment you've in store for me. Lord Roy wishes to give you one more chance. ...very well. Thank you. ... Did everyone make it out alive? I'm not sure. I was able to get to Lord Roy, and Lance insisted on riding out of the town with him while I covered their retreat. But I don't know about Rutger or Sir Jerrot. Hmm... in that case, we should make haste. They might still be alive. Let us go, then. I'll earn your trust back. I certainly hope so. ... Not a word, you. My powers are not to be trifled with. You'd do well not to anger me further. ... Part 8 - Death galore! (Part II). So, apparently the last part is going to remain fucked. It doesn't matter. It's no more crappy than my FE skills, anyway. However, I would appreciate if you guys could make an effort to push in enough replies to send us to the third page. It's annoying to scroll down with that thing occupying half the thread. I was adviced to split up my posts, so I'll do that. Tell me what you think. I've written the whole thing as one big update, and I'll be pushing them together, so I recommend reading both before moving on to replying and forgetting.