When I was 14 years old, my dad sat me down and gave me one of the greatest pieces of advice I had ever been given. My father being a heavy drinking throughout my life meant that most advice he gave amounted to nothing, but this piece sticks with me to the present day:
"Never eat chain pizza."
At first I thought he meant pizza wrapped in metal chains, like enslaved pizza, but no.
I live in a town with way too many pizzerias, so from an early age, there were always options that were not of a chain variety. My tastes were cultivated (though I admit I ate plenty of Dominos in my time, never again) and I grew to accept the smaller, family-owned joints to be far superior. I apologize, but Pizza Hut is revolting. This is coming from a man who openly eats Taco Bell and White Castle on occasion. Pizza Hut does not need to exist. It is a blight on humanity, perhaps not a large one, but I agree that most of us would be better without it.
I know a guy in Elizabeth, New Jersey. A 50-something year old Greek man named Detective Slice. He knows pizza. Mostly because I get it for free because my dad knows him and every time we visit, we go in through the back. It's great. I wrote a paper about him once.
Fuck it. I don't even care about pizza that much (although I did spend much of my high school years hanging out in a pizzeria in my town, not the Slice's, mind you). I care about Detective Slice.
God Bless Detective Slice.