blah the Prussian

Ryoma is Sadao Araki, the chief philosopher of Japan. He never had an official position but he was key in developing the militarist philosophy. Alternately, he is Tomoyuki Yamashita, the more honorable IJA commander. Hell, he could just be Yamamoto.

Oh no, don't insult Isoroku Yamamoto by comparing him to Takumi Trump. In any case, the US won that battle pretty much due to dumb luck. Takumi Trump is Tojo.

Ah yeah, she does now that I think of it. Who should Takumi be? How about Mike from TSAR? Then Corrin is Cohn, because both are wimps. And to be clear, A Farewell to Arms is fine in all the scenes without Catherine Barkely. I feel Hemingway took a Masashi Kishimoto pill whenever he wrote about Catherine, because I found her to be really boring as a character. The Capporetto scene, though, is great, and the Italian squad mates are very entertaining. I just can't get past the fact that they want to fuck after like 10 pages together, if that.

Basically I'm playing as the Nazis. Except Hitler is a goo skull thing. Eh, I've done so before in Hearts of Iron. But A Farewell To Arms is WWI. Its also a terrifically boring book. #The Sun Also Rises Master Race.

But what's so Italian about that? Is that a Hemingway reference? She reminds me the most of WWII! Elizabeth II (then Princess of Wales, Elizabeth II was part of the women's Royal Auxiliary Corps, responsible for getting supplies to the front. It was about as close as women could get to the fighting at the time, and she deserves a lot of credit for it). Official Cabinet! Adolf Hitler= Garon, for obvious reasons. Hans= Heinrich Himmler, because Himmler was the one who did "fieldwork" often (commanded the Einsatzgruppen, who were essentially the death squads of the Nazis) Iago= Joseph Geobbels, because Geobbels was an asshole a coward, and would follow Hitler around everywhere playing the yes-man. Xander= Erich von Manstein; a veteran commander who is honorable, but has sort of become numb to the fact that he works for assholes. Leo= Erwin Rommel, because both are extremely logical but young at the same time (seriously Rommel was in his 40s, which was like diapers for a Field Marshal) Corrin= Claus von Stauffenburg, of Operation Valkyrie fame, because he is the main one actively plotting against Garon. Camilla= Hienz Guderian, because both are into fast offensives, are battle hungry, and slightly unhinged. I guess Elise is the Volksturm? Gunter is Gerd von Rundstedt, because both are old.

Whatever happens, Corrin is absolutely the worst leader by far. "Your Majesty, the nobility are revolting!" "Oh, I'm sure they have a legitimate reason! Don't kill any of them, okay?" Seriously, he takes Machiavelli and reverses it completely to become a bleeding hearted fool who wouldn't be able to tell his people "no" if his life depended on it. Edit: What is so Italian or ambulancy about Elise?

Elise is like 16, and she isn't a high ranking commander anyway. Well, they have a Maginot Line in the form of the Chasm, and they let the Nohrians go around it, so sure. That also makes Nohr Nazi Germany, which is perfectly in character. Nohrzi Germany?

Well, that's what nepotism gets you. Garon may be secretly an evil slime skull monster, but he believes in a meritocratic military chain r command, dammit! HIS children have to earn their stripes!

Hey, don't insult glorious Polska! At least they had to deal with Nazi Germany and the USSR at once, and their frontier with both was a massive open plain, which allowed the Germans to exploit their armor advantage to the fullest! Hoshido has a giant fucking chasm with only a few bridges to defend, so any Nohrian invasion would have to be over the sea! What's their excuse!

No, no Kaze. Niles all the way, baby! Anyway, Chapter 18! -Once again, we fight Nohr here, not Hoshido. What gives? Are the Hoshidans practicing Fabian Tactics (avoiding a direct fight with your enemy to wear them out)? I mean, it would be awesome if they were, but both Ryoma and Takumi Trump are far too stupid to ever use something as dishonorabru as Fabian Tactics. -Using the Archduke title for Izana is completely innapropriate. Even during the Meiji Era (when the Japanese changed their noble titles to match those of Europe) the Japanese did not have any Archdukes. It also makes me think of Franz Ferdinand, and then it reminds me what a better story WWI had than this game, and then that makes me wish that Wilhelm II was a playable character in this game, because Wilhelm II was awesome. Come on, Nintendo! I want my Wilhelm II DLC! -So what part of Evil Dishonorable Nohrian Guy's plan mandated that the Nohrian Royal Family be at the banquet? It really makes no sense. Presumably he would have heard that Corrin is a bleeding heart, and even if he didn't from his perspective if he has the Nohrian royals there they might take his credit. What on earth does he possibly have to gain from this? -Okay, Sakura getting captured I can understand. Why, however, are Ryoma, Hinoka, and Takumi Trump getting captured like little bitches? Wouldn't it be better if Corrin worked together with the other Hoshidan royals to rescue Sakura? For that matter, what if Evil Dishonorable Nohrian Guy didn't enter into the picture at all, and the chapter was against a coup against Izana, which the Hoshidan and Nohrian royals would have to work together to stop? Wouldn't that be better? -How the fuck did Evil Dishonorable Nohrian Guy take Izana's place? It's implied that Garon doesn't know about this whole plan, because keeping it a secret from him is presented as easy by Leo, so is the game really telling me he learned Izana's mannerisms enough to be indistinguishable from him, EVEN FROM THE SERVANTS, infiltrated the palace with a bunch of Nohrian soldiers, took Izana captive without anyone finding out, and all without Garon's knowledge? What possible motivation could he have to keep this secret from Garon? See what I mean when I say that there are an infinite amount of chapter ideas better than this one? -You're probably saying "Mr. the Prussian, why haven't you commented on Corrin looking a gift horse in the mouth yet again?" Well, dear reader, I am numb to that at this point. I have just come to accept that this war is the story of a bunch of morons fighting another bunch of morons, but at least one bunch of morons doesn't have Takumi Trump, which is why they win. -Evil Dishonorable Nohrian Guy is now officially a Bond Villain. Even when he knows full well Corrin and co. are coming to rescue the Hoshidans, he still decides to wait 20 turns to execute them, for... some completely inexplicable reason. Gameplay and Story segregation at its finest. -"Hey, Shin, I have a great idea for this chapter! How about, after the Hoshidans are rescued, they develop mutual respect with the Nohrians? It would be a great moment of character development!" "Speak only when spoken to, maggot!" Seriously, there was such a good opportunity for character development here, and said opportunity was completely wasted by having the Hoshidans still be insanely antagonistic to the point of absurdity at the end. -Corrin and Ryoma never did actually get the chance to talk alone. Yet another chance for character development wasted! -Also, I just realized what would make my life complete: a Fates/Sonic crossover, where Takumi Trump and Shadow the Hedgehog go around being edgy and cutting themselves. It would be perfect. -I have a headcanon now that somewhere in Hoshido there is this celebrity gossip magazine that's always running these frivolous articles theorizing about why Ryoma isn't King yet. "10 reasons Ryoma isn't King: you won't believe number 4!" -Support Conversation point: Niles mocks Camilla because Camilla did not experience hardship. Did Niles miss the fact that Camilla is a veteran soldier who has probably been in a shitton of battles? -Since I forgot to mention it: was Garon good before the demon possessed him? Did Xander just wake up one day and Garon was all "Xander I demand that you kick this puppy!"? You'd think more people would notice! Well, there you have it! I am getting nearer and nearer to the conclusion of the story, and I doubt it gets any better. The gameplay is still excellent, though!

Oh no, whatever shall I do?

Eh. I already saved the game, so what is that thing?

Chapter 17! Corrin's stupidity is really starting to piss me off here. I had some trouble here because of some Ninja critting thrice in a row on Arthur, which is why this is a tad late. On with the snark! -Well gee. I wonder who the boss of this chapter is going to be. They're really adding to the mystery of this. I'm on the edge of my seat, truly I am. -So this Daimyo really built his castle in a cave? I mean, it might not be his castle, but it has a throne! -Corrin, once again, fails strategy forever. He's seriously turning against a major Nohrian ally just because they took one fucking hostage who was an enemy combatant. Look, Corrin, if FDR tolerated the Gulags, and Wilhelm II tolerated the Armenian Genocide, I think you can tolerate this Daimyo (too lazy to remember his name) using slightly less than honorable tactics! -For that matter, the game doesn't show Kagero getting captured, probably because in actuality, Kagero is too badass to get captured. This is a stupid plot point, no question. -Ladies and gentlemen, the Hoshidan elections continue to be contentious. Particularly worthy of attention is the position of Minister of Kill Stealing. The Incumbant, Ryoma, was projected to win reelection easily, pointing to the excellent job he did stealing all the kills from local player blah the Prussian in Chapter 4. However, he has so far faced an unexpected challenge in the form of the firebrand newcomer, Saizo! Saizo wowed voters with the way he rushed ahead and sniped that one assassin, even though blah the Prussian was clearly saving that experience to give to Charlotte! In fact, the situation was so bad that blah the Prussian was forced to cleverly manipulate the AI to get Saizo killed, a clear sign of a truly great kill stealer. Whoever wins, it is clear that Hoshido will have a very strong Minister of Kill Stealing for many years to come! -Am I the only one that finds it weird that in the two chapters since the invasion of Hoshido began, no actual Hoshidan soldiers were fought? First there were bandits, now there's just some asshole Daimyo. The Hoshidans didn't even oppose the Nohrian invasion! You'd think the invasion would be met with a fleet, but nope! Hell, you'd think the Noshidans would meet the Nohrian army on the beaches, but nope! I just described two chapter ideas that are better than "Defend the gold from generic bandits in a chapter that should probably be the prologue" and "fight an ally because Corrin got squeamish". I understand that the Devs are trying to have more variety, and have you not fight just Hoshido, but you'd think there would be a better place to put all the non Hoshido chapters than DURING THE INVASION OF HOSHIDO. -So, uh, how's Corrin going to explain this one to Garon/demon? "So, sorry, dad, but you know our allied clan? You know, the one that was of key strategic importance? Yeah, they're all dead. Horrible, I tell you. It was a mass cave in." You know what? That actually sounds plausible, because whoever thought making the Royal Palace a cave is clearly an idiot. Don't do that shit, kids. So there you have it, Chapter 17, a wholly unneeded chapter. Hopefully next time actual Hoshidan soldiers will be fought. *watches cutscene for next chapter* Son of a bitch!

I don't know, I'd say that would work as DLC, but not as a main game.

Someone give this man Yggdra Union! It's not discouraging people from being good, it's to discourage writers from writing one dimensionally good characters. Now, it is perfectly possible to write unambiguously good characters who are not one dimensional (both Yang Wenli and Reinhard Von Lohengramm from Legend of the Galactic Heroes come to mind) but those characters generally don't get called goody two shoes. "Good" is also subjective, especially when you're a monarch and have to make snap decisions for which there are no easy answers, like, what must I do about the issue of rioters with legitimate grievances resorting to violence, or, say, should I cause civilian casualties to save the lives of my own soldiers? Yes, it is easy to be good for us plebes, but, well, there hasn't been a Fire Emblem game about us Plebes, because it would suck. Chapter 1: cram for the Math Test!

Quick question: Paladin or GK for Silas?

Yeah, based on the fact that now I don't have to rely on Saizo to not be a selfish son of a bitch to get the traps deactivated I no longer regret not killing Shura. I imagine that my vote of confidence is overwhelming, to quote the Princess Bride.

Also, I keep forgetting to mention it, but it's easy for Silas to say "no hard feeling" when he isn't the one who just died!

Wait what? You get boots if you kill him? Fuck!

Well, this whole affair would appear to be tied, with no vote for hours. I don't even think all the people who participated have voted.

Okay, maybe playing The World Ends With You for the first time alongside this game has spoiled me in terms of story and writing, but it seriously feels like eating a delicious Doner Kebab and then going to McDonalds. Anyway, Chapter 16! -So this chapter is called Invasion? Awesome! I bet Corrin and company will ruthlessly storm the beaches of Hoshido, cutting down all who resist! It'll be D-Day, Fire Emblem edition! It'll be awesome! It'll be... -stopping some generic pirates from stealing money. God fucking dammit. -So in all seriousness, while I would have preferred it if this was, you know, an actual invasion, instead of glorified Cops and Robbers, this is a cool concept for a Chapter. My question is this: how did Xander figure this out so fast? Wouldn't it be cool if you found this out yourself, rather than Xander the apparently Omnipotent just telling you? Maybe I've been watching too much Egoraptor lately, I don't know. -What are the normal soldiers doing all this time? Why isn't the enemy attacking them? For that matter, why did the boss need to disguise himself in the first place? -Where is this chest, and who is stealing from it? -Xander says that Corrin is the leader. Why is Corrin the leader? Xander is the Crown Prince, he has more experience, and he is stronger. Why on earth isn't he the leader? Okay, I know it's because Corrin is the avatar, but an in story reason would be nice! So that about does it! We have our first promoted enemies, so things are definitely heating up! Will we fight actual Hoshidan soldiers in this invasion? Ever? Find out next time on... blah the Prussian rips off Cinemasins!

I heard somewhere that Garon's motivation for invading was a Genghis Gambit, but apparently that's not the case. Sigh. (I'm doing that a lot in this thread)

Okay, Whoah, let's not bring Twilight into this. This story is bad, but Trilight is practically the writer's version of Godwin's Law.

Oh god, Thane is now going off topic to attack stories! Hide your children!

Fine; the US government has apologized for slavery many times. The time for apologies is over. The time for looking to the future, and making life better for minorities there, is now.