the EPIC tale of chaz

[riariadne]

Chapters currently completed:

Prologue

Chapters being worked on:

Chapter 1

Post all gramatical stuff in the feedback section from now on, other comments like 'I'm reading it' are OK.

and if you're gonna say stuff like 'script-fics are dumb,' 'stop writing this story,' and all that crap, don't because I DON'T CARE

Edited March 12, 2009 by Reinfleche

[Ϲharlie]

What is the point of making this? There isn't any reason why you couldn't have made the topic after you had something to post. I suppose I may as well leave this open, but you should wait until you have a story before making a topic like this in future.

[riariadne]

Yeah, I do that a lot. Sorry, but I'm updating it soon.

[riariadne]

Im posting the story as soon as I fix up the bad parts.

EDIT: Nearly finished. I wrote a bunch of chapters, by the way, but theres this one part thats a bit... I dunno. But its really bad at that part, and its somewhat consistent... so after that, I post the first few chapters.

Edited December 28, 2008 by Sniper Unleashed

[riariadne]

Prologue. Yes, finally its here! What you've all (probably not) been waiting for!

*Forest. A blue haired boy is standing in a clearing. He has, deep, green eyes, and wears a cobalt shirt with white shorts. On his hands are particularly long black gloves, and on his feet are brown shoes. In his right hand he holds a yew bow with bright-blue fastenings on the ends, and across his back is a case of arrows. He shoots red targets pinned onto the trees, with many broken sticks next to the trees...*

Boy: Chaz! Hey, Chaz!!!

*Another boy, this one with red hair and in full black, with a dark-colored sword strapped to his belt, walks through the foliage in the area

Chaz: Huh? Oh, hi Leon. What's up?

Leon: What are you doing? I've looking for you!

Chaz: Sorry...

Leon: It's OK. *Glances at Chaz's bow* Heeeeeeey, nice bow! Where'd you get it?

Chaz: I've been saving up for it. Isn't it cool?

Leon: Yeah, it's all shiny and stuff... Anyway, Brad came by, and he said there's something interesting that's been going on recently. He's holding a meeting tomorrow and I said we'd come.

Chaz: I don't think you'd actually ask me to do something before making a deal with someone if I paid you...

Leon: ... So?

Chaz: ... You're hopeless.

Edited February 16, 2009 by Reinfleche

[Shuuda]

Posting character profiles is not a good thing to do. Instead, you should give characters a proper introduction and reveal information about them in the story as it becomes relevant. Posting profiles is cheap and ineffective, and shows a lack of development and effort on your part.

Now, on to the story itself... to but is plainly, it is dreadful so far. Since you have posted profiles thinking that it is enough you have not introduced your characters well, we have no information on appearances beyond gender and age. Nor have you described and setting. And this is very very rushed, you've barely written anything and you re already sending them into a battle without any kind of proper opening. And as I just said, this is far too short to be a chapter or prologue.

I can already tell that this will not be good.

My advice in a six simple steps:

1) Stop writing this.

2) Go away and do some proper thinking. Take time to gather ideas.

3) Develop a basic outline of a plot that isn't tripe; drawing inspiration from good fiction and your own imagination.

4) Get some good characters and world.

5) Write something that won't waste three minutes of my time.

6) Put some freaking effort into it! Writing is an art for goodness sake.

But its really bad at that part

Another piece of advice, DO NOT just settle for bad, because the readers certainly won't. If you think a part of your story is bad, rewrite it until it is not bad... in fact, rewrite it until it is good.

Edited January 1, 2009 by Man of the Year!

[riariadne]

i dont write these stories frequently. it might seem like theyre randomly going into a battle, but that's actually not the case. you'll find out later. if you read more later.

[Dathiason Kx]

Like what Man of the Year said, it's a bad idea to write character profiles for your characters. The audience will learn about the character, the weapon he uses, his personality from the story(that is, if you are a proficient writer.)

[riariadne]

I haven't seen him comment about that on Lyle's stories.

[Deity]

Posting character profiles is not a good thing to do. Instead, you should give characters a proper introduction and reveal information about them in the story as it becomes relevant. Posting profiles is cheap and ineffective, and shows a lack of development and effort on your part.

Now, on to the story itself... to but is plainly, it is dreadful so far. Since you have posted profiles thinking that it is enough you have not introduced your characters well, we have no information on appearances beyond gender and age. Nor have you described and setting. And this is very very rushed, you've barely written anything and you re already sending them into a battle without any kind of proper opening. And as I just said, this is far too short to be a chapter or prologue.

I can already tell that this will not be good.

My advice in a six simple steps:

1) Stop writing this.

2) Go away and do some proper thinking. Take time to gather ideas.

3) Develop a basic outline of a plot that isn't tripe; drawing inspiration from good fiction and your own imagination.

4) Get some good characters and world.

5) Write something that won't waste three minutes of my time.

6) Put some freaking effort into it! Writing is an art for goodness sake.

Another piece of advice, DO NOT just settle for bad, because the readers certainly won't. If you think a part of your story is bad, rewrite it until it is not bad... in fact, rewrite it until it is good.

When will you understand that not all people here write the way you do. We all have different styles, and some of us really dont care how we introduce characters.

Instead of feeding this guy here with negativity about how he should quit the story and go away, why dont you just read the story? He's not asking you to waste three minutes of your time, actually, you do it because you want to.

Edited January 2, 2009 by Zakelina

[Shuuda]

When will you understand that not all people here write the way you do. We all have different styles, and some of us really dont care how we introduce characters.

And script-fics are a crappy format for a written story. It was been said many time, scripts are written with TV, plays, films etc in mind, under the assumption that there will be visual props and visible facial expressions. There is a reason why fanfic.net has ban script-fics and why the writing section mod (A guy who knows a lot more about writing than any of us) on FEU has also ban them.

Instead of feeding this guy here with negativity about how he should quit the story and go away, why dont you just read the story? He's not asking you to waste three minutes of your time, actually, you do it because you want to.

I did read it, and it was bad. I read it so I could give him the good advice (which involved telling him how bad it is). Please do not use that "you don't have to read it" bullshit as a reason for me not to criticise.

[Deity]

And script-fics are a crappy format for a written story. It was been said many time, scripts are written with TV, plays, films etc in mind, under the assumption that there will be visual props and visible facial expressions. There is a reason why fanfic.net has ban script-fics and why the writing section mod (A guy who knows a lot more about writing than any of us) on FEU has also ban them.

I did read it, and it was bad. I read it so I could give him the good advice (which involved telling him how bad it is). Please do not use that "you don't have to read it" bullshit as a reason for me not to criticise.

I really dont care about what goes on at FEU.

Good advice, you say? Its ok to give good advice, but to tell someone to stop writing something, that is another thing. We are all free to write what we feel like writing, and we can also do it the way we feel like doing it. When I write, I do it because I love to write, not to please anybody.

[Shuuda]

Good advice, you say?

Not all good advice is sugar-coated.

You clearly didn't read the second half of my advice. If he really loves to write, then he would put some effort into it.

[Judge Judy]

Not all good advice is sugar-coated.

You clearly didn't read the second half of my advice. If he really loves to write, then he would put some effort into it.

I think it is best if we wait and see what his story turns out like. Then members can judge the story for themselves.

I don't think we can tell whether someone puts effort into a story or not until we actually have read the story...

I think we should give this member a chance to write a story.

Its his choice end of the day.

[Deity]

I think it is best if we wait and see what his story turns out like. Then members can judge the story for themselves.

I don't think we can tell whether someone puts effort into a story or not until we actually have read the story...

I think we should give this member a chance to write a story.

Its his choice end of the day.

My kind of thoughts as well.

And besides, even if the story turns out not to be a success, you have to give it to people who actually try. There is no shame in trying, shame there is if you don't even try.^^ Moreover, nobody here is a professional writer, so I am not waiting long on it to see a decent story in this place.

Edited January 2, 2009 by Zakelina

[Judge Judy]

My kind of thoughts as well.

And besides, even if the story turns out not to be a success, you have to give it to people who actually try. There is no shame in trying, shame there is if you don't even try.^^ Moreover, nobody here is a professional writer, so I am not waiting long on it to see a decent story in this place.

Agreed.

Lets stop telling members that they can't post a story etc

Who knew people would make a fuss over this T_T

[Shuuda]

And besides, even if the story turns out not to be a success, you have to give it to people who actually try.

Allow me to quote myself.

If he really loves to write, then he would put some effort into it.

Sorry, but I have a hard time believing that this person has actually put much effort into writing this. And that is pretty much the core of my disliking. So why should I give credit to someone who looks like they put in nearly no effort at all? All script-fics indicate a lack of effort, since the writer in unwilling to write in an appropriate format for a written story.

Who knew people would make a fuss over this T_T

I hope you don't mean me. I was merely an honest man giving a straight up opinion and advice before Zakey came in all self-righteous and such.

Edited January 2, 2009 by Man of the Year!

[Judge Judy]

I hope you don't mean me. I was merely an honest man giving a straight up opinion and advice before Zakey came in all self-righteous and such.

No Shuuda. I didn't mean you. Your honest in your opinion and I respect that.

[Agro]

I haven't seen him comment about that on Lyle's stories.

Please, please, please, please do not use this excuse. Ever. Trying to use precedence is futile.

Lyle's stories are of some length, and he doesn't post profiles of characters.

[Deity]

Allow me to quote myself.

Sorry, but I have a hard time believing that this person has actually put much effort into writing this. And that is pretty much the core of my disliking. So why should I give credit to someone who looks like they put in nearly no effort at all? All script-fics indicate a lack of effort, since the writer in unwilling to write in an appropriate format for a written story.

I hope you don't mean me. I was merely an honest man giving a straight up opinion and advice before Zakey came in all self-righteous and such.

Lol, I liked Zakey, so I'm not gonna kill you.

Anyway, yes, you are free to comment, Shud, but you have to understand that telling people to quit their project is a no-no. You gotta show a little support every once in a while, even if things don't add up to your expectations. ^^

[riariadne]

Anyway, yes, you are free to comment, Shud, but you have to understand that telling people to quit their project is a no-no. You gotta show a little support every once in a while, even if things don't add up to your expectations. ^^

Personally, I wonder if he actually has expectations or if he likes to go around telling everyone he hates their stories.

[Deity]

Personally, I wonder if he actually has expectations or if he likes to go around telling everyone he hates their stories.

I dunno, but I is anxiously waiting for update. ^^

[riariadne]

I dunno, but I is anxiously waiting for update. ^^

I wrote most of the next part, it is far better than the previous one. I'll add it when I get the time.

[riariadne]

I have updated the prologue finally! It's short, but it's better than nothing.

[Agro]

Wow, I'm actually very impressed. While it isn't perfect and is a bit short, you've definitely gone and done some work. Unfortunately it's still in script format, but I commend you on the update. Try lengthening the stories a bit.