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Sunglasses that does not protect against sunlight. I cannot really do anything with a shitty magnifying glass, but I can still use the glasses as makeshift goggles.

If you are a dragon on Christmas day, WYR eat Mr. and Mrs. Santa for dinner or feast on all the elves and reindeers?

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10 years, so I have more time to prepare.

WYR go to a strip club with old men as strippers, or go to a bar where the only liquid drinks they serve are only water and pure ethanol?

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Kidney stone.

WYR kiss your cat after it licked its butthole or kiss your cat after it drank toilet water?

Edited by XRay
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Pet foxes.
Penguins would need a pool and I can't with good conscience make them live in a tiny bathtub.

WYR
lose your physical body and run around the world as a spirit, but be still bound to physical laws and everybody could see you
or
be completely devoured by a weird thing that looks vaguely like a black-and-white nautilus with body parts moving in a way they really should not?

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Youngster Joey. I'd have the best Rattata of all the Rattatas. A Rattata among Rattatas, if you will.
And historical fiction will coin the phrase 'Among men, Joey, among Rattatas, Rattata'...

WYR be remembered as powerful but dumb or as smart but weak?

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Sit in the fridge.

WYR give Surtr's nipples, butthole, and anaconda fourth-degree burns or have Hel experience dying over and over again?

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Veronica because I think it's implied that they don't hate each other in book 3, (Well, at least Thrasir and Lif don't.) and it would be super cringy.

 

WYR have good bases and growths but have a bad class, or have bad bases and mediocre growth but be in an amazing class?

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