Revoked Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 (edited) Anyone find any funny quotes, like on a website or in a book? Post them here! Here's mine. "I got grounded for a week, and it's all your fault!" "Well, look on the bright side, you have me to keep you company." "How is that the bright side!?" Edited June 21, 2011 by Anderson88 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joerachi Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 My signature. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fire Emblem Addict Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 (edited) "Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana." - Groucho Marx "Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies." - Voltaire, being asked on his deathbed by a priest to renounce Satan and follow the word of god Edited June 21, 2011 by Fire Emblem Addict Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zanarkin Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her' date=' which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.[/quote'] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Celice Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Why do people eat condoms? So they can shit in little baggies Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Revoked Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 "What do cinnamon buns taste like?" "Uh, cinnamon and bun..?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Strawman Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 "Eeeeew, compression shorts!? Aren't those just for guys to hide their erections???" Yeah...my friend said that... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikethfc Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 (edited) "Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana." - Groucho Marx "Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies." - Voltaire, being asked on his deathbed by a priest to renounce Satan and follow the word of god Speaking of which I quite like Karl Marx's last words "Go on, get out - last words are for fools who haven't said enough." [spoiler=In a topic about economising on another forum] A:I'm using the lid of a KFC bargain bucket as a mousemat B:Why don't you use the rest of the bucket to hide ur horrible face lol A:Because your mum's wearing it B:That's two buckets she has now lmao A:Yes but only one is finger licking good B:Which one? A:The one you dropped out of in the potato field B:How did you know my mum used to carry me in a KFC bucket? A:Because she told me she never really understood what breast feeding meant Edited June 21, 2011 by mikethfc Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fenrir Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 "Eeeeew, compression shorts!? Aren't those just for guys to hide their erections???" Yeah...my friend said that... What's even sader is that i have a friend who does this. and he thinks hes like a fucking genius or something, we all turn around and sigh... i thought my sig was good. joerachi's is better though Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Original Alear Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 (edited) "Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana."- Groucho Marx /thread. You just won. Continuing onwards, There's a song I know that referred to that quote I like a lot, but I'm not sure who wrote it, the name of the song or anything else, but it goes something like. Once was a gambler, Who shared a common dream Something something He said Time flies like an arrow son/boy And fruit flies like a banana. Memory, memory, memoryyyyyyy Why, oh memoryyy, Do ya fail meeeee Edited June 21, 2011 by SeverIan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freohr Datia Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Shaun of the Dead Ed: Whassup with you hand, man? Pete: I got mugged on the way home from work. Ed: By who? Pete: [with growing irritation] I dunno, some crackheads or something. One of 'em bit me. Ed: Why did they bite you? Pete: I DON'T KNOW! I DIDN'T STOP TO ASK THEM!! (also from SotD) Dianne: [describing the appearance of a zombie] Take another look at the way he moves. Remember, very limp. Almost like sleepwalking. Look at the face, it's vacant with a hint of sadness. Like a drunk who's lost a bet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hippoman Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 "What the **** is a moose battle?" -Random man on the street who may have been slightly inebriated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ansem Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 4828: Bullying Crash is hilarious =D No, your face however, IS hilarious. I've never seen anything so weird in my life! 4831: Don't mess with the Crash. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anti-Social Meta Knight Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 " 'In the unlikely event of a water landing...' Hmm. Water landing. That sounds awfully similar to CRASHING INTO THE OCEAN." -George Carlin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mikethfc Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 Shaun of the Dead Ed: Whassup with you hand, man? Pete: I got mugged on the way home from work. Ed: By who? Pete: [with growing irritation] I dunno, some crackheads or something. One of 'em bit me. Ed: Why did they bite you? Pete: I DON'T KNOW! I DIDN'T STOP TO ASK THEM!! (also from SotD) Dianne: [describing the appearance of a zombie] Take another look at the way he moves. Remember, very limp. Almost like sleepwalking. Look at the face, it's vacant with a hint of sadness. Like a drunk who's lost a bet. I preferred Hot Fuzz really but you can't really go wrong with a Pegg/Frost film. He's a lot funnier in Black Books I find but this segment of his stand up is pretty good Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestling Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 It's not like I have any slightly amusing quotes in my signature or anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Original Alear Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 (edited) The grammar of your quotes is kind of annoying to read, but other than that I suppose they are not particularly amusing as they make a fair deal of sense. That being said, Mexicans don't have any particular claim to the US north of Texas and other Southwestern areas that I know of. Native Americans generally might have such a claim, but Mexicans do not, since they are mixtures of more southern native americans and europeans, most of them from Spain and Portugal. Yes that's right serious response to joke response Nestling. Edited August 2, 2011 by Loki Laufeyjarson Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fire Emblem Addict Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 Here's two funny ones that I found about war: "Wars do not prove who is right -only who is left" -Bertrand Russell "I know not what WWIII will be fought with, but WWIV will be fought with sticks and bones." - Albert Einstein Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ragnell Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 "If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off." "A foolproof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block of marble, then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an elephant." "A word to the wise is unnecessary." - La Rouchefoucauld "I've worn contact lenses so long I can put them in with my eyes closed." "If there was any logic in this world, it would be men who ride side-saddle, not women." "People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs." "The food that you get in art museums is institutional revenge for the art that you get in restaurants." "The sum of society's intelligence is less than the average of it's individual parts." "I don't mind if you sleep in class. Only, please do not snore. You are disturbing others who are trying to sleep." - Dr. C. Rao, UW-Whitewater "The juvenile sea squirt wanders through the ocean searching for a suitable rock or hunk of coral to cling to and make its home for life. When it finds its spot and takes root, it doesn't need its brain any more...so it eats it. It's rather like getting tenure." - Michael Scriven "A lecture is a process where information is passed from the notebook of the lecturer to the notebook of the student without necessarily passing through the minds of either." "Universities are places of knowledge. The freshman each bring a little in with them, and the seniors take none away, so it accumulates." I could go on. I've found a site with literally nothing but thousands of funny (usually anonymous) quotes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Original Alear Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 "Wars do not prove who is right -only who is left" -Bertrand Russell No. A man like Bertrand Russell should be quite capable of realizing that who is "left" on this "earth" is a matter left up to debate as well. "A word to the wise is unnecessary." - La Rouchefoucauld But fun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fire Emblem Addict Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 No. A man like Bertrand Russell should be quite capable of realizing that who is "left" on this "earth" is a matter left up to debate as well. He's saying that its foolish to use war to settle ideological disputes since the outcome of the war has nothing to do with the merits of the ideologies being fought over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Original Alear Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 He's saying that its foolish to use war to settle ideological disputes since the outcome of the war has nothing to do with the merits of the ideologies being fought over. Fine, let us discuss the quote instead of just being tongue in cheek. Ideologies are formed by and interracted with by individuals, and one might well come to the belief that the superior ideology IS the surviving one if one follows anything along the lines of social darwinism. The "merits of the ideologies being fought over" may well inspire some individuals more effectively than others, meaning that while war probably has fairly little to do with ideology, to say it has nothing to do with it is, again, an extreme statement to be making. Of course, I ADMIT that the quote itself would not sound half as good if it contained such caveats. "Art is misdirected Sex." ~Crake from Oryx and Crake "Sex is misdirected Art." ~Me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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