Parrhesia Posted October 7, 2011 Author Share Posted October 7, 2011 (edited) PROLOGUE SEVEN AGAIN Right, same shit up to Cecille and Rody blocking and stuff. I think it's the start of the 2nd turn. Evidently I'd decided that Rody's level was too good to be destroyed by my own fuckups. Shiida and Ciaran gangrape a myrmidon again, Shiida's healed by Wrys (levels and gets lck/res) again. CECILLE GETS DEFENCE ON A LEVELUP. The Speed is nice, too. Unfortunately, immediately after that, I realise I'm an idiot and left Shiida open to being shot. Well, she dodges anyway. "Fuck! Fucking useless archer cunt twats...like fucking Paris from the fucking Iliad all fucking over again..." Cain is evidently frustrated enough to bring in some annoying things like a pegasus from the east and a western cavalier. I shuffle everyone around. Rody kills the archer, Wrys heals, Cecille sits on the fort. End Turn. "Um, guys?" "Shut the fuck up, Rody." Ciaran sighs and charges at Cain. Rody steals his kill, leading to a lengthy explanation of exactly why everyone usually leaves him to die. He ignores them, content in his HP/Str/Spd/Def level. CECILLE IS SICK OF YOUR SHIT. Also, note the three defence. Anyway, Shiida and Luke kill the pegasus. Victory! But wait... this looks like character development! "Oh, Ciaran! You're so dashing! We must discuss things about... the future." "... What exactly do you mean by 'the future'?" "You know... when I'm your darling wife, and we're married, and having children together..." "...um." "Look, just meet me in the dungeons after the battle." *Later* "...Why are we here again?" "Oh, right! You hitting on me unsubtly." "Oh, it's not just romantic. We could do... many purely physical things together. Like play Scrabble. Or kill the prince." "Let's play Scrabble!" *Probably too late, elsewhere in the castle* "... Wait, 'kill the Prince'?! Oh, shit, I should probably tell Jagen! ... On second thoughts, nah. It's probably just one of those crazy knockoffs of Monopoly people are making today." "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! ASSASSINS!" "... ... ... God damn it, Ciaran." PROLOGUE EIGHT "Ciaran! Wh-why are you in such a rush to see me?" "I'd just like to clarify that this is totally not all my fault that we're taken unawares." "Um, sure, but why do you need to tell us th-" "TOTALLY FUCKING INNOCENT." "... And your haircut is really fucking stupid." PREPARATIONS Eight slots, but I still need to leave Draug behind. Athena, Cain and Merric, unsurprisingly, are in the same situation. Equipment doesn't notably change, but I give Marth an Iron Sword and distribute vulneraries better (One each to Luke, Shiida and Cecille). Caeda has six resistance, and without Merric or Est it'll be her that draws Katarina in. Speaking of, she's a pain in the ass on H1, I wonder if she- ... ... ... Okay, suddenly I feel confident. Particularly as the ambush spawns are the other hard bit about this, as are the silver weapons which are now steel. And these barbarians have 5 speed and 4 defence. And a simply abysmal 22 health. Hunters have good speed, but a miserable (-ish) 14 attack, and no doubt the thieves are even worse there. So yeah, I'm feeling good. GAME ON I was wrong about the thieves. They are, in fact, better than the hunters (between the best of either, +1 Skl/Def/Spd, -1 HP). I blitz the thieves, blocking off either way. ... And I left Shiida open to being shot up. HAHA! MISSED, MOTHERFUCKER! Oh, and they beat on Luke. The handaxe guys are gone, now. Cannot say I shall miss them. I kill the bandit and both hunters, and ready myself to draw the other bandit in. Luke got a level... can't remember what it was, but I think it sucked. Cecille gains Mag/Skl/Spd and doubles and almost kills a bandit. Dangerously low health, but nobody else is around. ... Except that mage. RESTART! I do the same thing as before. Rody gets a kill this time, levels Str/Spd/Lck. This makes him better than Ciaran now (still on level 3), but he'll never catch up in him for that 3 Magic. Also, because I was smart and remembered to give Luke a sword for EP this time, Ryan gets a kill. Let's all say hurrah for Ryan! ... On second thoughts, he kind of sucks. I don't think he deserves it. I try and pull the brigand without his tagalong mage, and in the process forget about the OTHER tagalong mage. Fortunately, my tank is Marth this time. Then Luke gets an amazing level. And I survive the EP, and I'm up to where I was, this time with Marth/Shiida/Cecille in the west and everyone else in the east. Rody's almost dead, though. So I heal him, and he can (and does) oneshot the east mage. Ciaran can oneshot the other, so he does. Ryan gets a pity kill... and a HP/Skl levelup. I'm starting to remember why I use Gordin. I mapsave and overwrite something, oh well. This is because, despite being sure of the math for killing the west thief, I know myself to be REALLY BAD AT MATH. I kill the west thief without dying. The rest is just drawing out Kat with Shiida. This leaves Shiida on 3 health between Kat and two thieves, and Cecille ain't doing great herself. Wrys levels HP/Luck. "Okay motherfuckers time to enact vengeance and shit and WHY THE FUCK AM I BARELY OUT OF RANGE" "Don't worry, Ciaran!" "I got this!" "Wait, no, don't you fucking DARE-" "Yaaaay! Ryan got a good level!" "... I fucking hate you." Cecille got defence again, and Luke clears the map. AFTERMATH "Ah, Ciaran! It is good to see you at last!" "I'M GONNA FUCKING MURDER THAT FUCKING PIPSQUEAK OF A SONOFABITCH" "Ha ha ha! It is good to see your spirits are high after a battle!" "I fucking hate you all." And with that, the Prologue has reached its end. PREVIEW OF THE NEXT CHAPTER PREPARATIONS Reclassed Ryan to Hunter because he can probably double scrubs with the speed boost, whereas Gordin cannot. Well, maybe that's what you thought would happen. Fuckin' A. GUY CLASS Lvl HP Pwr Skl Spd Lck Def Res Rank Marth Fencer 6.71 26 8 10 10 9 8 0 D Ciaran Hunter 3.89 24 11 9 8 4 4 0 E Ryan Archer 7.17 23 7 9 8 4 7 0 D (almost C) Gordin Archer 5.00 21 9 7 6 5 8 0 D Luke Merc 4.75 23 7 13 12 7 7 0 D Draug Cav 6.00 22 9 5 11 3 7 0 E/D Cecille Cav 5.23 21 6 9 11 8 7 0 D/E Rody Cav 5.83 23 10 6 9 8 8 0 E/D (almost C) Arran Drake 3.00 24 11 12 11 4 12 3 B/E Edited October 8, 2011 by Furetchen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Horace Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 This is definately better than what the original script is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrhesia Posted October 7, 2011 Author Share Posted October 7, 2011 I'm flipflopping on the issue of who or whether to kill off anybody. I think I'm leaning heavily towards 'kill five, but do so based on personal dislikes rather than actual pragmatism'. PEOPLE ON THE CHOPPING BLOCK 1. Est 2. Yubello 3. Malicia (I like Yumina for some reason, and Wrys is a higher level) 4. Bantu 5. ... ... ... Uh... Well, it could be Wrys, but I'd like your input. Give me suggestions and good reasons in their favour. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 This is even funnier if you can understand what's really being said. Especially this: "I'M GONNA FUCKING MURDER THAT FUCKING PIPSQUEAK OF A SONOFABITCH" was under the screenshot of this: Ah! Thank you! Anyway. . .kill Wolf. For being a goddamn unreasonable pain in the ass, to the point of insulting Sedgar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrhesia Posted October 7, 2011 Author Share Posted October 7, 2011 (edited) ... For telling me that, then yes. Wolf will meet his destiny a little ahead of time. ... Actually, I'd kinda like to declare clemency on the guy. I mean, he dies as his ending anyway (from what I've heard) and ... I kinda like the guy. And it seems kinda a waste to recruit the others and only let him die... if there are no other suggestions with which to spare Wolf? Edited October 7, 2011 by Furetchen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thor Odinson Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 Matthis because he's a bitch and it's just easier to kill him anyway Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrhesia Posted October 7, 2011 Author Share Posted October 7, 2011 ... i like matthis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Integrity Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 ... i like matthis You only like Matthis because he was badass that one time in that one thing you told me about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrhesia Posted October 7, 2011 Author Share Posted October 7, 2011 ... Pretty much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thor Odinson Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 But he's such a bitch to recruit :< Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrhesia Posted October 7, 2011 Author Share Posted October 7, 2011 (edited) THEN I SHALL RECRUIT HIM! LEAVE NO MAN BEHIND! EXCEPT MALICIA! AND BANTU! ... AND YUBELLO. AND EST. AND SOMEONE ELSE. Considering Rickard. I'll just keep Julian at a lowish level on door-heavy levels. Then agian, I'd like to save another seal/whip... Edited October 7, 2011 by Furetchen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wen Yang Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 Est needs more luvin' Clearly the reason she left Abel is because he suffers from ED. The girl needs some real, manly, luvin' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 Hmmmm. . .speaking of Matthis. . . No, I'm not calling to kill him. How 'bout killing Michalis? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Horace Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 Kill Samto, he's a faker. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arvilino Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 Kill Katarina, she probably deserves it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dondon151 Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 Why don't you just not kill anyone? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrhesia Posted October 7, 2011 Author Share Posted October 7, 2011 Well, yeah, ideally I'd do that, but I have no idea how hard this is going to be. So I'll take the safe route and just go with the rules of the first FE12 run of this stripe that I found (counting the Five Dead Guys rule), with a little bit of changing to represent the fact that I'm neither as good as CM nor as efficient in my forging/reclassing. Yes, I've got my plan. I like Santo, Michalis is decent (and in this run, decent means godlike), Katarina is high enough level not to be in the spotlight much and when she is she can at least heal... the guy I'm thinking of would only be a load anyway. Stay tuned to find out who the fuck I'm talking about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrhesia Posted October 8, 2011 Author Share Posted October 8, 2011 (edited) CHAPTER ONE Huzzah! Having prepared, I sally forth after putting my awesome guys to the front. First, though, I impulse buy an Iron Axe. GAME ON Marth: Alright, people, this is going to be a tough fight. We gotta band together and shit in times of stre- Ryan: WHEEEEEEE Gordin: Wait, what the fuck are you doing?! Marth: ...Well, fuck. Rody: Nice kill, though. Gordin: Shut up, Rody. Nobody likes you. Luke: Yippie-kay-yay, motherfucker! Luke: Oh yeah, I am so good. Y'all should, like, bask in me. Ciaran: Christ, they're so bad even CECILLE can one-round them. Cecille: Shut up. Ciaran: I'll shut up when you don't have six strength. On the Enemy Phase, the Hunter attacks Ciaran for... no reason, and is almost killed in return. Luke considers visiting the house, then remembers he can't speak Japanese and declines. Cecille finishes a Hunter and everyone else moves forward. When someone (Rody?) steps on the fort, plot happens... Lorenz: Ogma. Ogma: Milord! Lorenz: I hereby decree your facial hair insufficient. Go on holiday to, like, Khadein. Have some fun. Maybe get a tan, or something. Yumina: Oh, papa! Can I go to Khadein, too? Lorenz: ... Sure, why not? And guess what, sweetie? When Marth gets here, he can come with you! Yumina: Yaaaaaaay! Rody kills three dudes on EP and draws in a hunter as well, who Cecille dispatches. Rody charges in to kill another guy. The hunter shoots Ciaran for some reason. His level...is just HP. Fucking damn it. The thief walks into 2-range away from Gordin and Ryan. Gordin could one shot but I let Ryan chip anyway. Luke crits the Hunter, and just Lorenz is left. Lorenz: Oh! Hello, Marth! I'd just been wondering where you were! Marth: DIE, TYRANT! Lorenz: All I wanted... was a seashore holiday... *later* Marth: Let us mourn the death of a once-great hero, and a noble man. He was destined to become twisted by his own power, but let us not allow our memories of him to be tarnished by this moment of sha- Rody: FUCK YEAH! Marth: ... Rody: Aw HELL yeah, baby! Feel the Rody love, motherfuckers! Y'all can just fuckin' TASTE my awesomeness! HAHA! Marth: Fuck you, Rody. And so the battle for Grust was won. But Arran never shook the feeling that they'd forgotten something... GAME OVER PREPARATIONS Rody: Wait, let me get this straight. You're telling me I have to fight with a fucking POLE? Ciaran: Yes. Yes, I am. Incidentally, accidental advantage to not having recruited Malicia? I can use Arran to get to the Lady Sword guy. UNITS DEPLOYED Still everyone, and I'll get Catria and Warren as well. GUY CLASS Lvl HP Pwr Skl Spd Lck Def Res Rank Marth Fencer 6.97 26 8 10 10 9 8 0 D Ciaran Hunter 4.23 25 11 9 8 4 4 0 E Ryan Archer 7.43 23 7 9 8 4 7 0 D (almost C) Gordin Archer 5.64 21 9 7 6 5 8 0 D Luke Merc 5.25 24 8 14 12 7 7 0 D Draug Cav 6.13 22 9 5 11 3 7 0 E/D Cecille Cav 5.92 21 6 9 11 8 7 0 D/E Rody Cav 7.62 25 11 7 10 8 8 0 E/D (almost C) Arran Drake 3.00 24 11 12 11 4 12 3 B/E Edited October 8, 2011 by Furetchen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Sage Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Kill Katarina, she probably deserves it. Katarina must not die, for she is my waifu. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.M. Gei Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Primarily what she did to Abel. Which is 'fuck him over for life'. I know this is late And to add to the hilarity, there are even some people who think that Abel was the one who left Est and say that all the Whitewing sisters hate him. Anyway, good job so far! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 What you said: Yumina: Oh, papa! Can I go to Khadein, too? Lorenz: ... Sure, why not? And guess what, sweetie? When Marth gets here, he can come with you! Yumina: Yaaaaaaay! What the text says: "NO! I'm not going! If you're not running away, I'm staying with you, Lorenz!" Absolutely brilliant. Keep it up! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrhesia Posted October 8, 2011 Author Share Posted October 8, 2011 FUCK YES, my random hunch that Yumina was awesome was RIGHT! AHA! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrhesia Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 (edited) CHAPTER TWO The lost bacon of Mesopotamia Marth: My men are in position. It's time to move out. Commencing Operation: Tumbleweed. Gordin: Hold it, what's that from the west? Catria: Prince Marth, I am Catria, a pontifex of Khadein, city of magic. Our pleas for peace have failed, and Khadein has been taken over by one of the other pontifices. His name is Gharnef, and he- Marth: Wrong character. Catria: The name's Catria, and I'm a world-class berserker! Marth: Wrong continent. Catria: Sir! They're holding the villagers captive near the cemetary! Marth: Wrong series. Marth: Whatever. Just follow us, okay? And talk to the huge guy, he's staring at your breasts from the other side of the forest. Also, he has eyes but is rubbish at fighting, so he must be able to join us. Catria: Sir! NEW UNITS RECEIVED CORD, WARREN and CATRIA and those guys I forgot last chapter I forgot to do these last chapter. Meh. Luke and Rody will be really good, but kind of gimped at the start (they've gone through that phase now), Ryan will be really good (I was wrong because 50% is a really fickle strength growth), Draug will be really good (11 base speed as a cavalier, which is an advantage of its own, with D Lances), Gordin will be really good (he's Gordin), Arran isn't my problem yet and Cecille is shit. Cord is... probably going to be decent, but nothing extraordinary. I've never used him before. Warren... I tried to train in my first ever run, as a Pirate. I failed. I like him, though, and his averages look solid. Besides, I also like my bowmen to have slightly low speed and very good str/skl, which he... has. So I'm at least enamoured of his statspread. Catria is god on a motorcycle, whose only weakness is not being as hot as Palla, and even that's debatable. But for now... GAME ON Marth immediately grabs the village. Cord shows up, and Arran is immediately escorted to the nearest bench. Probably AIDSman's finest moment is coming up this chapter. Possibly his ONLY moment, if levels are as low as ... they may be. Everyone except Arran (forever alone) moves northeast, he scoots up west. Luke: Uh, Marth? Why are the Bow Armours taking point, given that they aren't that tough and they are, in fact, our slowest dudes? Marth: Aha! That's my brilliance! They will lead so as to gain a head start on everyone else! Luke: Yep. They're sure to keep up with a mighty head start like that. Marth: I hate you all. Unfortunately, Arran drew off two hunters and can't rape the thief yet. Goddammit, me. Cecille hits the Hunter so that Cord can finish. Once again, she fails to get strength. Everyone else keeps moving. Catria moves close enough to recruit Warren back, or even... Arran: YES! AHAHAA! Arran: STAND BACK, MOTHERFUCKER! IT'S TIME...to FRY! Take note of how bad the thief is. Warren: Dude... look at that rack... Catria: Uh, that's just armour trimming- Warren: I'll totally fight with you blue guys anyway. My duds are, like, green anyway. The red look was crimping my style. Biff: Dude, what the fuck? I thought we were bros! Biff: The bro code... is no mere code... it's a law... Elmer: Hah! I find your discourse DULL and REPETITIOUS! Cecille: Right. Have fun with that. Elmer: I know not...of this concept... ENEMY PHASE arrives, having moved my forces north a bit. This is a promoted enemy. That HP total is after going a round with an Iron Lance toting Draug. He dealt five damage in return... that the fort healed all the way back. Still, Cord misses him. Again. Cecille finishes him with a Steel Sword, gaining speed and, like, skl/lck. Could've been worse, I guess, but six strength... OH my FUCKING CHRIST Draug missed two 79s. Did I mention that Warren missed an 81 on his very first attack on my side? For FUCK's sake, ONE damage? REALLY? Warren shoots the guy for his incompetence. Unfortunately, HPSklDef isn't really that great a level. Luke kills a cavalier and gets speed and some other things, leaving it a clear run to the boss. Rody: *sigh* Right, then. PENAAAAAAANCE!! Lumel: what what the fuck are you doing Rody: BAM! Rody: HAHA! I'm kickin' ass! Yes, that's the Dracoknight dodge animation. Lumel: FUCK! OFF! Cord: Oh, right...he has...a steel... Everyone: k what the fuck ever Ciaran: Uh, sire? I thought I heard the weird lumberjack guy scream. And I saw his twisted body on the way here. Didn't you say earlier you would plan better in the futu- Marth: Believe me. It's better this way. Jagen: Sir, uh, Lumel's still alive out there. Lumel: I'm still happy...! Marth: Nobody cares. *thunk* Lumel: gflgl Marth: Quickly, men, rifle his pockets! Marth: Goddammit, it's just another of these 'Fire Emblem' things. *sigh* Just chuck it in the convoy and forget about it. Marth: ... Ciaran: *snrk* Marth: It won't... goddammit, which one of you jokers put superglue on the fucking Conqueror's Proof?! DISCLAIMER I seriously did not plan losing Cord. But honestly, after a performance that tepid, he deserves it. Seriously? Three misses of around 80? On TWO RN FUCKING G? Yeah. He can rot in hell. [spoiler=PREPARATIONS] Reclassed Ciaran back to Cavalier just for this map. I need to go the long way around for Bord, anyway. This means Gordin can go Hunter. Mercifully, I don't need to take Ryan, who is a dangerously low 40 EXP over Cecille. I'm assuming Palla can take the drakes on the mountain in NM, as I've had her do so on HM, so I'm making Catria into a cavalier. Not too late to change her back, of course. Normally I'd give Cat the Lady Sword because her rank is shit, but Cecille's strength is still six. Finally remembered to give myself Bond and Growth Drops and the Star Potion. I'm going to give Growth to Marth, but I'm open to being convinced otherwise. Bond will go to the man who will make this playthrough amazing. I am ready. Bring it on. GUY CLASS Lvl HP Pwr Skl Spd Lck Def Res Rank Marth Fencer 6.97 26 8 10 10 9 8 0 D Warren Hunter 4.23 24 8 7 8 1 5 0 D Gordin Hunter 5.64 23 10 8 8 5 5 0 D Ciaran Cav 4.23 25 10 7 8 4 8 0 E/D Draug Cav 6.26 22 9 5 11 3 7 0 E/D Cecille Cav 7.25 23 6 10 12 10 7 0 D/E (w/Lady) Catria Cav 6.09 24 8 5 13 9 10 0 E/C Luke Merc 6.02 25 8 14 13 8 7 0 D Linde Mage 4.00 20 4 5 8 8 2 4 D+Aura Edited October 28, 2011 by Furetchen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thor Odinson Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 (edited) Catria get yaaaaaaaaay c: Catria: The name's Catria, and I'm a world-class berserker! How I wish this was possible Q n Q Edited October 9, 2011 by Luminescent Kitty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 What you said: Warren: Dude... look at that rack... Catria: Uh, that's just armour trimming- What she said: Yo Catria of the Whitewings, long time no see! Close enough! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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