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FE12 Low Level Run


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[spoiler=Chapter SEVEN *cough what* THIS IS SEVEN]

When last we met;

WE WON and STUFF

TEDWARD sucks at PLANNING MOVEMENT RANGES

NORNE speaks exclusively in SENTENCES from WIKIPEDIA

Everybody's Conditions. Sirius gets statboosted in a map I can't use him in (my favourite Condition statbooster ever was an untouched save to strip him of his equipment Macellan getting Luck and Magic in the final chapter), Barst getting a Might staff and some other guy getting a glass axe.

Oh right, we're under siege. Um...

GAME ON

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Radd: Uh... Big C?

Caesar: Don't call me that.

Radd: Sorry, Big C. Anyway, Big C, we're-

Caesar: No, seriously, stop calling me 'Big C'. It's REALLY annoying.

Radd: ... Sorry. But, um, shouldn't you be focusing on the army they just sallied forth with?

Caesar: ... Fuck, that's Marth. Um... parley?

Ciaran: WE'RE GONNA BREAK YOUR FUCKIN' HEAD IN

Caesar: Well, we're boned. Uh... suicide charge?

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Claine: Hey, Rorororo! Look at my new shoes!

Roro: RORO WANTS KAFKA BOOK.

Claine: I'm... sorry?

Roro: RORO SENSES INNER MEANING. RORO FEELS HE, TOO, IS ONLY A COCKROACH IN THE MACHINE OF LIFE.

Claine: Right. I totally get what you're saying, there.

Roro: RORO IS GLAD. RORO FEELS CLAINE, TOO, LACKS DIRECTION IN LIFE.

Claine: Just jokes. Haha! Toodles!

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Roro: RORO PRIVATELY FEELS NATURAL SIZE OF CLAINE'S POSTERIOR NOT AIDED BY SHADE OF BRIGHT RED.

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Yorbert: Right, boys, so they gots the jump on us. This don't mean a thing. Just get on 'em before they-

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Caesar: Oh, hey, brilliant. They're clustered together so as to be heavily fortified in our own position after killing four of our men. Did you ever suspect that Yorbert might have been a fucking moron?

Radd: Sure did, Big C.

Caesar: Oh, shut up.

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Roro: RORO SEES INNER BATTLE IN TRAVELLING SALESMAN'S HEART. RORO WISHES TO HELP BY EATING TRAVELLING SALESMAN'S HEART.

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Marth: I've had better days.

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Caesar: FUCK MY LIFE

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Caesar: Say, don't I know you?

Norne: Entering St. Peter's parish in Athlone in June, 1837, he wrote 'I have now entered upon a region totally different from Longford, and am very much pleased with the intelligence of the people'.

Caesar: You're chipping me for experience? HOW DARE YOU!

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Samto: You know what? I'm sick of this shit!

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Samto: Yippie ki yay, motherfucker!

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Roro: RORO... Just wanted... the meaning of life...

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Caesar: Okay, okay, we get the picture!

Marth: Um... who are you and why did you follow me into the castle?

Caesar: I'm Caesar, remember!

Marth: ... All I remember about you is that you were forgettable.

Caesar: Huh? That makes no-

Marth: Anyway, I figure you want to join my army.

Caesar: No, but I don't have a choice.

Marth: Ah, a smart man too. Good. I need men like you to balance out... well. Our ranged corps alone has Ryan and Norne, and we're pretty sure that Ciaran's a deranged homicidal maniac.

Caesar: Sounds... delightful.

Marth: So... the castle's ours again, then? Good. We move out at dawn!

Caesar: ... Um, I got shot in the face back there. Do you think you could heal me?

Marth: Psh, no. Walk it off like a man.

Caesar: Goddammit.

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Claine: Oh, joy, another Roro. Just when you thought you were rid of them...

Roro: THIS RORO IS FASHION POLICEMAN RORO. THAT BRIGHT SHADE OF RED GREATLY ENLARGES CLAINE'S ALREADY MASSIVE ABDOMEN.

Claine: You fucking- how dare you?!

Roro: TRORORORORORO

Claine: Rrgh... just you wait, Roro. Some day, a superhero will show up and kick your ass.

Roro: NOTED. RORO WILL BRING HAMMER.

Claine: Curse you!

Interesting thing happened in Everyone's Conditions: I was gonna have to bring Samto instead of Matthis. Then he gained EXP, bringing him to 7.99, which is also where Warren is.

Then I said "Fuck it" and arena'd the hell out of him, and Radd, and Norne.

GUY     CLASS   Lvl   HP  Pwr  Skl  Spd  Lck  Def  Res Rank

Marth   Fencer  8.54  28  10   11   10   11   9    0   D
Shiida  Cav     7.81  22  7    7    17   16   9    0   E/D
Catria  Cav     7.65  25  8    6    13   10   10   0   E/C
Matise  Cav     7.96  24  9+1  4    8    3    10+3 0   E/D
Caesar  Cav     7.00  26  9    5    8    6    10   0   C/E
Ciaran  Hunter  7.26  28  14   11   11   4    5    0   E
Castor  Hunter  7.67  24  10   7    10   4    6    0   C
Julian  Thief   7.60  21  7+1  9    14   8    6    0   E
Barst   Pirate  7.89  24  12   9    14   7    8    0   D
Linde   Mage    7.74  23  6+1  8    8    10   2    5+1 E

Edited by Furetchen
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What Roro really said (the first time):

Uwehehehe! Gogogo, ATTACK!

What you said (first time):

Roro: RORO SEES INNER BATTLE IN TRAVELLING SALESMAN'S HEART. RORO WISHES TO HELP BY EATING TRAVELLING SALESMAN'S HEART.

What Roro really said (the second time):

Even if I die, we won't die!

What you said (the second time):

Roro: RORO... Just wanted... the meaning of life...

Tee-hee~!

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10x is going to be fun shit.

It's also gonna be really easy, as the only thing that makes it hard is that they rush you the moment they spawn, which they... don't, on NM.

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Sorry about the patchier quality of the update, I was really frustrated and playing really recklessly at the time.

[spoiler=Chapter 7]

LAST TIME

CAESAR performed a CAESARIAN SECTION

The WAY I shall HANDLE RORO is DISCOVERED

BIG C joins the club

And now... Game on.

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Feena: Yaaaay! Picnic! Hooray!

Navarre: ...

Feena: What's wrong, Navi? Don't you like sandwiches? We've got Chutney and Cheese, we've got Bacon and Egg, we've got Cloth and Ketchup...

Navarre: Cloth-

Feena: Ooh, and my favourite! Pig testicles in a bun!

Navarre: BLURGH

Feena: Oh, man up, will you? What kind of mercenary warlord are you?

Navarre: I am, um, the great Navarre!

Feena: ... Wasn't it Nabarl?

Navarre: Uh-

Feena: I'm pretty sure it's Nabarl.

Navarre: but

Feena: And I'm kind of doubtful you are the real thing, anyway. I heard he wore blue.

Navarre: That doesn't matter right now. While you were yelling, we got surrounded by bandits.

Dahl: Yo, dudes!

Feena: ...Damn it, Navarre.

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Navarre: Fuck this shit... !

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Matise: Alright, guys, you gotta follow me on this. I was placed in charge of the cavalry so you gotta respect my opinions.

Caesar: How do I do that when I don't respect you at all?

Matise: I hate you already.

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Feena: Ooh... that feels good.

Louis: Uh...

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Lewis: Uh... I think I'm gonna attack the less kinky brigade down heJESUS CHRIST IT BURNS

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Marth: Initiate Plan A... Go Up!

Tedbert: NO! DON'T INITIATE PLAN A! GO NOT UP! GO DOWN!

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Matise: 'Sup?

Astram: Nothin' much, mate

Caesar: Seen the footy?

Astram: Aw yeah, mate, it was rubbish

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Eggihard: Uh, sir, I think we should kill them all. When they're right there. With respect. Sir.

Astram: Nah, mate. These are cool brahs, yeah?

Eggihard: Rrrright, sir, but still-

Astram: Look, mate, this ain't a democracy. Now shove off!

Eggihard: Promotion, sir, that's all I'm-

Astram: Ah, shut up.

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Navarre: Janked!

Feena: Nabarl! Are those REALLY professional terms?

Navarre: Um... mugged? Bushwhacked?

Feena: Ugh... nevermind.

Navarre: Shanghaied?

Feena: That doesn't even make sense.

Navarre: Harpooned?

Feena: You're an idiot.

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Feena: Eeh hee!

Dermot: Stop that!

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Rick: AHA! AMBUSH THEM, MEN! WE HAVE THEM-

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Rick: -surroun...

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Rick: ...ded.

[beat]

Rick: We suck.

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These thieves have 12 attack with their iron swords.

They are about to learn that Matise has 13 defence with Taurus and Cancer starshards.

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The hard way.

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Admittedly, the first version of this plan left something to be desired.

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Still, the thieves are still morons and suicide rush Navarre, who can kill these guys with Iron on Normal. Which is... more than a little pathetic.

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There are days where I think Dahl was kind of an idiot to make every one of his men a mere cutpurse.

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Particularly ones a common cavalier can not only double, but practically hard counter.

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One was given a rock, and can double. He manages to be utterly ineffectual TWICE in a row.

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Matise: 'Nother Clothes Pole kill?! MAJOR LEAGUE- wait, you dodged- YOU DID NOT JUST DODGE YOU FUCKER

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Tedbert: Even in my last moments... I troll...

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Redhart: AT LAST, WE HAVE CAUGHT UP TO YOU, AND NOW WE CAN- goddammit

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Sohmers: I swore to mama I would strike a blow for the Emperor before I fell!

Shiida: Exact Damage Kill, Motherfucker!

Sohmers: What the fuck... is this shit...

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Rick: Hahahaha that was funny WAIT NONONONONO DON'T DO THAT

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Is this even Matthis anymore

Oh right! It's Matise.

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Throckwoddle: (Hm... both men to have previously attacked this soldier were killed instantly, and one of them was, like myself, in the armoured battalion. Something seems suspicious.) CHARGE!

This is about when the Elfire Mage fragged her on a fifty.

Goddammit.

Well everything went okay again I guess because of the

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FUCK ME

Anyway somehow LINDE of all people ends up killing everyone

and Dahl!

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Dahl: Blast! I knew we should've hired, you know, an actual fighting force.

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Then a Clothes Pole gets lodged in his eye.

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Nevermind, then.

I end up just using one of the Saves and quitting. Assignments and frustration... ugh. This isn't even a hard chapter, I'm just stressed and lacking perception. Two of those kills were exact numbers from offscreen, and Linde's death was just forgetting to equip Resire.

I'll finish this tomorrow.

TOMORROW

It now being tomorrow,

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my plan is going well. Apparently when not tempered with total recklessness I stand a chance of winning this.

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Dahl, unfortunately, was spared the ignominy of a Clothes Pole kill.

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Adi: I got a good feeling.

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Eduard: Uh... don't you think they're getting a little close?

Eggihard: Don't be such a pussy.

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Eduard: I THINK THEY'RE GETTING A LITTLE CLOSE

Eggihard: Don't be such a pus- DEAR GOD MAN, LOOK OUT

Eduard: I AM LOOKING OUT

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Eduard: DIE... IN... HELL!

(Eduard proceeded to die in hell. Castor got HP/Skl.)

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Pictured: Not Sucking Quite Enough To Be Terrible.

(He missed.)

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Marth: Well, I guess that little EXPfest over there is done.

The one with all the experience.

And killing of promoted units who didn't fight back.

That I didn't get to take part in.

*sigh*

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Jagen: Problems, sir?

Marth: Oh, nothing, Jagen.

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Ciaran: Oh man oh man oh man... I shot a HERO in the FACE and he didn't even FIGHT BACK

I am AMAZING

Marth: *sigh*

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Wendell: DUDE

Ciaran: Uh... who are you?

Wendell: Dude, I like totes joined a couple weeks ago, brah. Figured this was like the world's biggest singles bar.

Ciaran: Well, it is that...

Wendell: Do you want a hat?

Ciaran: No.

Wendell: ... Huh? That ain't right. You gotta have a hat.

Ciaran: Actually I

Wendell: GOTTA HAVE A HAT

[beat]

Ciaran: but

Wendell: TAKE THE HAT BRAH

The next day...

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Marth: Nice hat.

Ciaran: There's a pigeon living inside it.

Marth: Uh...

Ciaran: It's shat down my armour three times.

Marth: ...

Ciaran: Yeah, fuck Wendell. So hard.

Marth got robed, everyone save for Feena got a taste of Star Potion.

GUY     CLASS   Lvl   HP  Pwr Skl Spd Lck Def Res Rank Shard
Marth   Fencer  9.04  36  11  11  11  12  10  0   D    Cancer
Julian  Thief   8.30  22  8   10  15  8   6   0   E    Gemini Taurus
Ciaran  Cav     7.40  28  13  9   11  4   9   0   E/D  
Cecille Cav     8.01  24  6   11  13  10  7   0   D/E
Shiida  Cav     9.32  23  9   8   19  17  10  0   E/D 
Ogma    Cav     8.12  28  9   9   10  5   11  1   E/D  Scorpio 
Catria  Cav     8.06  26  9   7   14  11  10  0   E/C 
Warren  Hunter  7.99  26  11  9   9   2   6   0   D
Gordin  Hunter  8.11  25  11  9   8   5   6   0   D
Castor  Hunter  8.34  25  10  8   10  4   6   0   C

Feena   Whore   Really bad

Edited by Furetchen
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eclipse's outtakes live~!

What the generic soldier really said:

Sir Astram! The Altean army has been spotted to the south! Permission to attack?

What you said:

Uh, sir, I think we should kill them all. When they're right there. With respect. Sir.

What MU really said:

No, I didn't learn anything.

What Ciaran said:

Oh man oh man oh man... I shot a HERO in the FACE and he didn't even FIGHT BACK

I am AMAZING

Also, nice trollface on Marth.

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[spoiler=Chapter 8]

OCCASION THE PREVIOUS

I DIED a LOT

A BRIDGE is ambiguously EMO

ANOTHER BIG C JOINS THE CLUB LIKE RIGHT NOW

And now... Game on.

Shiida deployed, against convention. She's 9.32, with 9.20 Caesar, 9.27 Norne and 9.22 Luke waiting in the wings, and maybe a couple others. For now, though, she needs to exist for Roger.

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Cain: Lord Marth!

Marth: Cain-dawg!

Cain: Don't call me Cain-dawg.

Marth: ...Sorry. Force of habit.

Cain: I saw Ciaran's hat from a distance... instantly I knew you were the men I was looking for. And, um, Hardin's kind of right there.

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Marth: ... Cain, this is the kind of thing you tell us FIRST.

Ciaran: Man, twenties in everything? Not even in resistance or luck? This guy grew HORRIBLY, man.

Marth: Hm? So what are you saying, you could-

Ciaran: I could SO take this guy.

Marth: *sigh* Knew it.

Ciaran: This shit is SO on.

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Talbot: My rock shall save meAAAAAAAAAGH

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Warren: So, uh... Eduard! No hard feelings, right?

Bill: I'm Bill. Eduard was killed in the last battle.

Warren: Shit. N-no hard feelings, right?

Bill: Nah. I'm here because I wanna see Hardin pulverise you.

Warren: God damn it.

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???: FEEBLE TRAVELLER! YOU MAY CALL ME GODSLAYER, AND I SHALL-

Marth: Hey, it's that old guy from the last war who didn't do anything!

Bantu: ... The Firestone was, like, in that village. Right in front of you. I checked maps and everything.

Marth: ... Really? That red rock? We never did know what to do with that.

Bantu: ... I've been without my powers for all these years because you thought 'a red stone' didn't mean 'a stone that was red'.

Marth: We just pawned it off to some guy recently.

Bantu: ALL THESE YEARS.

Marth: Oh, well. We'll just get it back for you. I guess you can fight with all the powers of a dragon or something.

Bantu: Well... maybe a very small dragon. Or a dracoeunuch.

Marth: Whatever.

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Davis: Man, they never even knew they had their hands on a Dracoeunuch Stone! Hahaha!

Catria: Hey, it's that guy again!

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Catria: No hard feelings, right?

Davis: glorfl

Catria: That's good!

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Hardin: RAPE BATTALION STANDS READY, LEAD BY SOME OF MY LEAST LOYAL MEN. ALL OF WHOM FOUGHT AGAINST TYRANNY IN THE PREVIOUS WAR. NOTHING COULD GO WRONG, PARTICULARLY WHEN ONE'S LOVER AND ANOTHER'S STUDENT HAVE BEEN DEPLOYED BY THE PRINCE.

[beat]

Hardin: I FEEL I MAY HAVE MISCALCULATED.

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Roger: What the fuck am I even doing here?

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Shiida: Hey Roger! You're big and strong, and you look like you're tougher than that Dracoeunuch we just picked up!

Roger: That's right! And I'm wearing blue anyway, so what the hell, let's go!

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Bantu: Yes... YES!

Marth: Huh?

Bantu: Power... courses through my veins... my powers have been restored at last... ! I... Am... REBORN-

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Castor: Hey, nice stats, Roger!

Roger: I know! And they'll be even better on top of the cavalier's decent bases and superb movement, which I can use to bring my high natural speed and lance rank to bear!

Castor: Wow! All this and only at level 8, too? That's almost perfect for the level of competence WE'RE at!

Roger: Thank you, Castor!

Bantu: ... I have not hated in a thousand years, Roger, but when I take over the world in a firestorm of fear, hatred, and blood, you shall be the first to fall.

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Dallas: How the fuck are you guys winning?! We're promoted!

Ciaran: Promoted? Hey, guys, free experience!

Gordin: Hah! Dibs on the potshot!

Dallas: WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?!

It was too fast for me to capture, but the first Sniper was fried by a Levin Sword crit from Ogma. The animation is... efficient. He just tensed in the saddle for like a second.

p><p>Damian: I know. We

Jeorge: ... right. Damian, have you ever, um, wished you were... any other class, right now?

Dazza: Yeah. Right now. Probably a drake knight.

Jeorge: Oh...?

Dazza: Yeah. 10 movement, ignores terrain, has 1-range.

Jeorge: Yeah. *sigh* I figured.

Shiida was perfectly positioned to catch one (and only one) of the generals, and to twohit and oneround it.

It would have worked very well, had she been not holding a javelin at the time. I was bored enough to reset from the save tile.

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Much better.

Shiida capped speed. I seriously hate her statspread.

BUT NOW FOR

THE BOWFIGHT OF THE BRIDGE

THAT WOULD DECIDE THE FATE OF THE WORLD FOREVER

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Dazza: CAKE or DEATH

Gordin: Death!

Dazza: wait seriously

Gordin: Nah jokes mate

Dazza: ah yeah good

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Dazza: Holy pinatas, man! You were just using that to distract me!

Gordin: Maybe! I'm not usually considered bright enough to make up ruses! Here I come again somehow!

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Gordin: Why am I using the joke weapons agaaaaain

Dazza: I don't knooooow

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Dazza: The battle is minDAMMITCRITHAX

Ogma: HaHA! No vacations for your kind!

Dazza: Damn it... with my last breath... I curse the level you got from meeee...

Ogma: Pish. Curses. It's not like they have any bearing on the real worl-

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Ogma: FUCK

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Ned: Oh. Hey. An old man in a dress. I'm going to go and kill him in my heavily injured and unnecessarily favouritism-enabling state.

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Ned: Oh.

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Ned: I didn't expect that to happen.

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FUCK YEAAAAAAH

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FUCK YOOOOOOOU

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Derek: We're advancing unnecessarily forward from the rest of our forces! HooraaaaaAAAAAHGHghsdjgl

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Please tell me these people don't move with Hardin. That EXP is mine, fuckers.

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Gordin: Jeorge!

Jeorge: Gordin, my companion in interestingly spelt given names. Grim tidings... I'm wearing red.

Gordin: FUCK!

Jeorge: Hush. Remember the dance of the river-beetles that I taught you?

Gordin: Yeah?

Jeorge: The one I said would get you through tight spots against armoured foes?

Gordin: Right, that one, yeah...

Jeorge: I was bullshitting to get some free time with my concubines.

[beat]

Gordin: Fuck you, Jeorge.

Jeorge: Look, Marth will forgive me if I don't kill you, right?

Gordin: I ... don't like that 'if'.

Jeorge: Good. I like living, but I like inspiring fear in my apprentices more. Now let's go kick some ass!

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Pictured: A STRENGTH LEVEL.

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Hardin: MARTH.

Marth: Huh... ? How did you ... you're floating!

Hardin: YES. I AM FLOATING.

Marth: ... Wait, how come you never used this in the last war?

Hardin: I ... NEVER HAD THAT POWER BEFORE, LIKE, JUST NOW.

Marth: You know, you could have fucking told us. You might have been USEFUL.

Hardin: YOU JUST SAT NEAR THE BACK AND ATE ALL THE STATBOOSTERS. FATTY.

Marth: Hey, those were prescription Goddess Icons!

Hardin: SPENDING ALL YOUR TIME DRINKING WITH THAT LAYABOUT ABEL...

Marth: DON'T YOU DARE BLAME MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ABEL!

Hardin: HAHAHAHA... I ALMOST REGRET THAT I HAVE TO KILL YOU NOW.

Marth: ... Dude, we're gonna be gone by the time you get here.

Hardin: ... COULD YOU STAND STILL?

Marth: Yes, m'lo- NO! Rrgh... I can't resist that smell of aftershave... I couldn't possibly bring myself to strike him down!

Ciaran: I totally could-

Marth: Shut up, Ciaran! Let's... let's get out of here. Out of the range of his aftershave!

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Cecille: I... feel we've overstayed our welcome.

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Cecille: Guys?

[beat]

Cecille: Evidently I am not alone in my tactical assessment. LEG IT!

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Marth: Alright guys, I'm getting out of here.

Warren: Not until we need to! Next turn, next turn!

Castor: We can pick off three or four generals before you need to leave. Come on, you can do this. We all can.

Marth: ... Alright, damn you, but you'd best know what you're doing!

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Warren: No regrets.

Four generals and a hero died before I seized at last. Fuck you, Empire.

I'll post stats later as some form of update to postpone having to actually do Ch. 9, which I hate. All four male lancers who would have been forced to be deployed (Frey, Cain, Roger and Matise) were arenaed until they were no longer forced to be deployed, which in turn opened up a slot for Julian.

Also, if anyone is wondering what the real Matise might look like?

614f0b58d72a098fea313b6342d5e9cc.png

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What Roger really said:

Uh, guys, I really don't want to attack you, but I guess it can't be helped.

What you said:

What the fuck am I even doing here?

---

What Ban-Ban really said:

Oh, it's Prince Marth! It's been a while, hasn't it?

What you said:

FEEBLE TRAVELLER! YOU MAY CALL ME GODSLAYER, AND I SHALL-

---

Verdict: Fan-translate something. PLEASE.

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Marth: Nice hat.

Ciaran: There's a pigeon living inside it.

Marth: Uh...

Ciaran: It's shat down my armour three times.

Marth: ...

Ciaran: Yeah, fuck Wendell. So hard.

You do not diss the pope Ciaran! Or the hat! He is known as Pope WINdell for a reason.

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Ciaran: Christ, they're so bad even CECILLE can one-round them.

Cecille: Shut up.

Ciaran: I'll shut up when you don't have six strength.

db209315347bc42e404725b7eb64a7a4.png

Please don't shut up. We want to listen to you pick on her.

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She has six strength as a Pegasus. Still counts!

Then again she'll probably never be used as a pegasus. E rank in anything in this runthrough is just deplorable unless you're a god like Ciaran.

Edited by Furetchen
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Just finished 6x, and by request. . .here's a summary of what happened to Caesar and Radd.

Caesar: The Altean Army! Attack!

Radd: WTF are you doing, Caesar?

Caesar: We were hired to do this.

Radd: Really?

Caesar: Yes, really. ATTACK!

(I know there's something about Caesar's kid sister mentioned, but he mentions money a lot more)

*after the battle, if they both survive*

Caesar: Well, crap, we lost.

Marth: Caesar! Radd!

Caesar: WTF are you doing?

Marth: Come to our side!

Caesar: No can do. We're being paid to fight you.

Marth: Butbut. . .you're my friends.

Caesar: Did you not hear what I just said?

Marth: Very important friends, too. Come with me~!

MU: Aren't there more important things than money?

Caesar: . . .damn friendship speeches.

*Caesar and Radd join!*

Not sure if this'll help your LP, Furet, as you're past 6x. I think I translated Tomas' thing in IP.Chat.

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