Family: Why You're Sometimes Forced to Hate Them

[Samias]

In my family, my parents have a habit of not listening to a thing I say. Normally this is only worthy of a facepalm every so often, like when my dad keeps ordering the same dish he hated the last time if we go out to eat. My mom complains about what I eat, but I leave the house often enough that I can indulge in the foods I love that she hates. But I needed someplace to rant about the things that really make me want to strangle something.

HELICOPTER PARENTING

My computer is in a very public spot in the house. This means my mom hovers around me any time she's home. Around 11 PM or so, she'll start nagging at me to go to bed. She'll probably nag at 10 minute intervals and in the meantime hover around my sphere of perception. 12 AM hits. At this point she probably has come over to my computer and turns off my computer monitor regardless of what I'm doing. Writing something? Monitor off. IRC? Off. DRAWING? Again, she turns off my monitor. In the past, she used to simply hit the power switch and turn my computer off completely. The exact same thing will happen if I'm watching TV or playing console games. Then I get the "Why aren't you at work/school right now instead of on the computer" lecture at 12 AM, even if I only just got home from work/school. I don't consider myself to have any anger management issues but this makes me want to punch her in the mouth.

DISREGARDING THAT IMPORTANT THING I JUST SAID

This is less enraging than above but still makes me angry. Both my parents do this, but my mom always takes it a step further. My dad will simply complain that I do things too fast and he can't learn from me. On the other hand, my mom pretty much always does the opposite of what I say. This morning, because my dad is away for the week, I told my mom "DO NOT LET THE CAT OUTSIDE WHEN YOU LEAVE FOR WORK", and then I leave for school. I come back 10 hours later, and guess what? The cat is outside, probably hungry and cold, having not been inside for 8+ hours when I finally arrive back home at 8:30 PM. We get a lot of skunks, raccoons, bears, coyotes, and occasionally cougars, not to mention other cats who my cat would undoubtedly fight.

Meanwhile, Dr. Oz is like the Gospel to my mom. I can't even list how many pills I've been forced into taking because the TV said they would help me lose weight/digest better/have a better attention span/etc.

So, who else has crazy parent/family stories?

[eclipse]

What age bracket are you in? This makes a difference. It might make sense if you're 13, but if you're 17, it's a little much.

As for your parents not listening, it's hard to say. You can try sitting them down and talking to them, but if they don't listen, you'll probably want to talk to someone like a school counselor (if they're any good, they won't chase you out of the office).

[Samias]

For the record, I'm 21. My dad is overall kind of senile but it's almost endearing. He does a lot of things in return, like taking care of the cat most days, or driving me to school if I'm late, plus he used to be the one who picked me up from daycare when I was young, and drove me to all my extracurricular classes in high school. My mom likes to think of herself as big and important, and she manages the macro stuff such as managing the money to pay my college tuition and buying property, but as far as day-to-day life goes, she's worse than useless.

It's actually shocking that I've still got friends after my mom scared them off in high school by badmouthing me in front of everyone I've ever had over at my house. Now, I don't invite friends to meet my parents.

[eclipse]

Uhhh. . .if you can afford it, try moving out? If not, you now have a reason TO move out, so study hard!

[Samias]

Yeah, I'm stuck in college in the meantime with no money to move out. However, this is potentially my final year, where I should have the skills to be employable unless I want to continue on to 3D animation, so the light at the end of the tunnel is drawing closer. I'm pretty sure my fiancée (6 years of dating, 1 year of engagement) is probably dancing a jig waiting for me to be finished with the not-making-money part of my life.

[eclipse]

Yeah, I'm stuck in college in the meantime with no money to move out. However, this is potentially my final year, where I should have the skills to be employable unless I want to continue on to 3D animation, so the light at the end of the tunnel is drawing closer. I'm pretty sure my fiancée (6 years of dating, 1 year of engagement) is probably dancing a jig waiting for me to be finished with the not-making-money part of my life.

Good, you have support. Grit your teeth for one more year, and do the absolute best you can. Once your finances are halfway in order, you'll probably want to move out.

[Bluedoom]

Moms are scary, aren't they?(yeah my mom does the exact same thing with the monitor/compy o.O)

[Helios]

Are you the oldest or an only child by any chance?

[Kramy]

My parents calls me an idiot when I tend not to do simple things right like closing my closet door or forgetting to bring something...They always warn me how small things can lead to big things

[Agro]

My parents calls me an idiot when I tend not to do simple things right like closing my closet door [...] They always warn me how small things can lead to big things

Well yeah, I mean if you forget to close the closet door, won't someone see you trying to hide inside?

My parents used to get pretty crazy at me for getting Asian fails (B/B+) because I was capable of doing more. I was, I just couldn't be bothered. I ended up pulling up my socks for my last two years of school and did well anyway. I haven't had any crazy parent stories for a few years, me and my folks get along pretty well. I've yet to come out to them so we'll so how that goes lpl.

[Samias]

Are you the oldest or an only child by any chance?

Nope. Younger sister. My sister moved out by going to the furthest schools away. She gets bothered by my mom for different reasons despite being the overachiever med school straight A student. I am glad I was never overshadowed by my sister by having the completely opposite interests and lifestyle.

[buttmuncher.ops]

the sad fact of the matter is that if you aren't providing for the roof over your head, then whoever is makes the rules

if you can't negotiate a better privacy setting peacefully then you'll just have to adapt your lifestyle to meet their needs. with enough good behavior you might get wiggle room to get the things you want if they see you're doing what they want.

either that or gtfo

[MacLovin]

Stomach it, and laugh.

Also, try getting micro-managed every second you breath.

That's akin to your stress.

[Helios]

Nope. Younger sister. My sister moved out by going to the furthest schools away. She gets bothered by my mom for different reasons despite being the overachiever med school straight A student. I am glad I was never overshadowed by my sister by having the completely opposite interests and lifestyle.

Hmm I see. I guess that's still a bit understandable for what I was thinking though. I'm the oldest in my family, and my parents started off really strict on me (I'd rather not get into this...bad memories haha) but after a couple years of "rebelling" in high school they eventually gave up and now they take it a lot easier on my younger siblings (who are very thankful for my sacrifices actually). By the time I became a senior in high school, they lightened up the rules so I could be out until midnight, had to be in bed by 1, and could hang out with whoever I wanted to. By the time I was in college I basically had even more freedom to do as I pleased, bar the occasional "you need to study so you don't 'fail'"(aka anything under an A- since they lightened up since it's college lol) lecture. My point is usually over time parents start to ease up, especially when they see you're growing up. So I thought maybe if you were the oldest, they just don't want to admit that their "little baby" is all grown up and want to treat you like a little kid in denial. I suggest you try and talk to them about how you feel. It won't work the first ten times, but if you keep at it for a while you should be able to reach a compromise. If you don't think that will work, be patient and move out when you're able to.

[Samias]

My family is long past compromises. In high school I used to have to write contracts if I wanted anything from my mom. Even before my preteens my mom wondered why I wasn't spending all my free time buried in an algebra book. In high school she didn't understand that I didn't want her watching movies with hardcore sexual content in front of my friends who were over for my birthday. I've been to many, many therapists, psychiatrists, Chinese herbalists, been thrown onto Adderal and mom's pill of the week for whatever ailment. Being in the top 2% of English scores in my age group at the time only served as bragging fodder and conferred no benefits onto me. Overall it was a hugely depressing period of time that I've mostly overcome by spending 10+ hours a day at school. My mom's almost 65 and stubbornly insists her way is the best way. It can be something as trivial as ripping the non-condensed soup out of my hands as I go to pop it into the microwave, so she can water it down in her infinite wisdom. Sometimes it is embarrassing me in front of my friends by pressuring them into admitting that they are better than me and that I should be following their example. Literally sitting them down for interviews, traumatizing them so they never want to come back to my house. If there was anything that really set me off recently, it was when my mom started tearing apart my room, every inch of my closet and drawers and bookshelves, rearranging and throwing out my things with none of my permission. She absolutely disrespected the space I would consider my own. If something goes right in the family, it was because of her foresight. If anything goes wrong, it is never her fault. Not even if she buys a house and tries to make us move without actually surveying our opinions as a family.

So really, the only advice that will work in this case is not living at home. Though some people suggest talking it over, my mom's pride is far too overbearing. I have mostly everything worked out, since I got passed the "no one wants to be near me" phase of my life. I just feel good venting.

[Inactive Account]

Well meaning parents are capable of plenty of damage. The spawn is doing poorly academically? Time to hound it about grades until it's got a lovely collection of anxiety problems! It got to the point where my academic advisor was trying to keep me from going home for summers, because sanity hazard.

They did the thing where I would explain how they were making things harder for me and they wouldn't believe me, so then I would have the professor/advisor/doctor repeat the exact same thing and they'd believe them. They mostly try to listen when I tell them they're making it worse now but my mom isn't very good at it.

Also with the constant guilt tripping. According to my mom if I go out west (where most jobs in the field I've wanted to enter since high school are) I will wind up jobless, homeless, and a terrible person who doesn't love her. To his credit my dad makes it clear that that behavior helps nobody.

And of course they're reasonable in almost every other regard so it makes it harder to call them on it when they are being unreasonable-- I do care about their feelings, so what if I hurt them by calling them out? Etc. And so forth.

I guess in summary: parents, man. They are difficult.

[eclipse]

Parents are human, first and foremost. It means that they're not perfect.

[FrostyFireMage]

I guess I should be thankful that my mother has only been suffering from depression since my grandparents died last year. My father's kind of a nag and a busybody (and getting a little senile and grouchy), but overall my family's OK.

My family's pretty laid-back due to society essentially forgetting we exist. =I

Edited October 7, 2012 by Frosty Fire Mage

[Momo]

At first it seemed kinda like you were whining, but that latest post made it sound like your mother is literally crazy. I suggest you leave whenever possible and never look back.